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Love Your Body · Wellness In Every Season

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: This is episode 251, and we are talking about loving your body.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Wellness in Every Season.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: We talk all things wellness regarding the environment that you spend a lot of your time in, your physical health, your intellectual health, your financial health, your spiritual health, your professional health, your social health, who you have relationships with, your emotional health.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: This is a really big umbrella, so expect all kinds of topics within all of these amazing dimensions of your wellness.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Let's dive in.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: This is something actually I was talking to my husband the other day about that he pointed out to me that I'm very love-hate about certain parts of my body.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: So I think this is something all of us will recognize if we're not in that spot in life where we're love-hate, then we have been or will be again, especially when we have things planned and our body decides nope, you need a break, or whatever, whatever illness comes around or postpartum recovery, whatever happens.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I am very excited to be talking about this.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: I have Anne Poyer with me.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: I had her correct me on her last name.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Did I say it right?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: You sure did.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Good jump on him.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so let me tell you a little bit about her.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: I really like this part.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: The question that she filled out is what led you to become who you are professionally?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I think all of us, like I said, can resonate with this.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: She said, living a life full of self-loathing, eating disorders, and body shame led me to find a way to make peace with my body, demoralize food, and quiet my inner critic so that I can help others to do the same.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: She says, her mission is to reduce bullying, body shaming, weight stigma, and disordered eating.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's a lot right there.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: So many emotions come up for me.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, others who are listening can feel that too.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: If not, definitely start within yourself.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: What are you what do you feel coming up?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then for other people, who are you thinking of?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: And while you're thinking of them, why don't you go ahead and share this?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because this will be great.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to keep listening to know it's going to be great.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: And in the meantime, while you're sharing, keep listening.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to welcome Anne.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for joining us.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for choosing my podcast and asking to be on.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: I know that so many other people will resonate with this.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: They know someone, they've lived through it.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: This is part of the human experience.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: And unfortunately, part of media society leads us to this.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Autumn, it's great to be here with you.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you for having me.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is a big topic.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think many people struggle with body image and having an inner inner critic that's always beating them up or telling them they should be doing something else or they shouldn't be doing something.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what the big fight is within us.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And how do we start to think about ourselves and treat ourselves a little different so that we can show up for the people that we care about in a better place with more energy?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And we all show up differently depending on how we feel.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so this journey to trying to, even if it's not love, but liking yourself and respecting yourself, that can come first.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that starts the ball rolling a little bit.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm excited to be here.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Let me scroll up to my questions because they're in a totally different place than your bio part.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: I love this part.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: You say you can't heal a body you hate.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: What does fighting against our bodies actually cost us?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, so much.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Brain space is the very first thing that pops into my mind because we're spending so much time in our head about what we should eat, what we shouldn't eat, what we should be, how we should be working out, what we should be doing.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Should I be doing that with that person or that person?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Or where's work and what am I doing there?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And there's we're overloaded with all of these things.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know exactly so many decisions.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're in a place that we hate the body we're in, it shows up everywhere.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because then we're thinking, oh, what are those people thinking about me?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I should wear a different piece of clothing, or we're pulling at our clothing, or we're hiding, head is down and the shoulders are shrugged forward.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: We show up in such a different way when we're not feeling good about ourselves.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I think creating a way to respect the body makes us show up so much differently.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a I always think about if I was walking down the street feeling good in my body, I wouldn't notice people looking at me.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: I would just be walking down and thinking about the sunshine or what I'm doing next.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: But when you don't feel good in your body, when you're walking down the street, and if anybody catches your eye, all you do is think about, oh, they must be thinking.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: What are they thinking?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is either so we just we shy away, we don't step forward, we don't do things, we say no to events, and we just don't show up for our lives.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so when we don't feel good in our body, it impacts everything.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: Let's let's dive into that just a little bit more.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: I want to spend a little more time on this because there I have so many thoughts and comments on this.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: It makes me think about times where I've hated my body and haven't taken pictures, or I haven't showed up to the thing, or how many women specifically, actually men too, but women are more vocal about it, specifically, show up to the pool party, or they don't go to the pool party because they are supposed to have a bathing suit where I showed up to one and I had a busy day and had a work event, and then after that, I was showing up to an event with a bunch of girlfriends, and it was supposed to also be a pool party, and it was like, I actually feel good about my body.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: I totally would have put on a bathing suit and gone in the pool, but I totally spaced at it, and I had that moment of oh, love myself, but I know where I've had opportunities where I haven't, or one aunt in particular, she's my favorite aunt, was always close to her growing up, she's like a second mom, who would always have disparaging comments about her body.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: And it I was talking in the sauna actually yesterday to somebody.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: She got undressed in the sauna and she was with the towel and I was talking to another woman, and I saw her out of the corner of my eye, and mid-conversation, because ADHD bring here, I was, I wish I was more like you and had that body confidence.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: I told her I've worked up the courage twice to walk naked in our gym.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the times I messaged my husband afterwards, and I'm like, hey, I walked naked in the gym, and by the way, I made a friend, and I was making a comment that I made the friend right after being naked, and he before I could send it to him, we're we're constantly like this, where we're on the same page, which I love makes life easier.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: But he's it's because you're walking naked because she she liked you, liked what she saw or whatever, whatever.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because but it was awful.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: He made me feel good too.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: But what if we were more like that, confident in ourselves?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: And even if we didn't look like a runway model, whatever today's runway model looks like compared to when I was a kid and paid attention, we can give that example to other people that they can do it too, especially if we don't have the perfect body, I think.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's the key right there, is everybody's body is different.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: We are all different genetically.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: We have a whole lot of different ways of appearing.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: And why is it that we're chasing this ever-changing finish line, right?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I always look back.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you look back over decades, the ideal body has changed all the time.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's continues to change.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: And now with social media, it just is even more so prominent and kind of in our face.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that just sometimes for some people makes them feel like they want to shrink and hide and not do the things, not show up for the gym, not even go to the pool party, say no to events, the don't shop, all of those different types of things.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Don't try out for a new job, or don't go in and ask for the raise.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: It impacts everything.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's kind of that's my mission is to try to help women feel more comfortable and confident in their bodies, regardless of the size, shape, and weight that they're in.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because we can we can't.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: So many comments just off of that.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll give a few and then we'll go to the next question.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: Unless you're no, I need a comment too.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Don't worry, I'm totally fine with that.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: But it makes me think about how often, especially younger me, try to keep up with the trends, clothing trends.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm to that age and stage where no, I'd rather just have clothes that look good on me and are comfortable, that I'm comfortable in.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: And the styles change enough, and I'm a tall woman that I don't want my sleeves to hit me right now.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: I rolled up, but I want them to hit me at my wrists, or even better if they're up towards my thumb.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: So you want that comfy little sweater feel.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I want them to be a little bit longer than my midriff.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like when they're covering my butt because I have a nice butt that my husband wants to see, and I know I have a nice butt.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'll I'll I'll go with that.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I like my pants to be long enough and those thoughts.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: And when I was a kid, it was hard to find those things.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Now it's changed where now the shirts are a little shorter than I like.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I go to my brands that I know haven't changed, or I just keep my clothes a little longer.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it makes me think about all the times that I would go in dressing rooms and I would hate on my body.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it was because I was shopping at stores that were not for my body type.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's not I'm the problem, maybe it's I'm in the wrong place.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: And there's so many different stores out there now, which is which is good.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're having more and more different types of stores for different types of bodies.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: So that's helpful.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: And you can go online and you can find some different styles for yourself.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: But that one of those one of one of the things that happened to me as a kid is that I couldn't fit in the popular kids' clothes.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: And this was in the 70s, and so I ended up, and this is one of kind of the one of the triggering points for me to get my eating disorder, was having to go to the husky section and Sears to fit into my clothes.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it just it makes you realize, kind of hits you in the face that your body's different, and because my body was different, I knew it was wrong, and I had to change it.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's very interesting how that a one little thing that can spin you into thinking you have to change your body, and then that becomes a whole other cycle.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And food comes in and exercise comes in and all of the other pieces to try to change the body.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: How can I change the body because it's not right?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of saying, no, this is my body, and how can I look at it for all the things it does for me, how it functions in the world, how it gets me from point A to point B, how I can hug my grand, I have grandkids now, I can hug my grandkids, and I can get down on the floor and play a game with them.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's the that's the way we want to start to think about our bodies, rather than a number on a scale, right?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Or the size of the clothes.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's a it's just a different approach.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: And that helps me a lot too, is and even my goal in coaching, and even before I even thought about becoming a coach, I remember I was in a volunteer capacity.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: And a young girl came up to me.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: I was also a young girl, and she was telling me about her eating disorder, and we were living away from home at the time, and how her mom made sure to write a letter to the person who was in authority over us, and she felt very embarrassed about it.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, It's because your mom loves you, and I was trying to show it from that different perspective of like it could feel undermining, but it's also giving you that cushion, somebody who's going to look out for you.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I was about to be done with the volunteer capacity, so she was asking me about different foods that she could eat, that type of thing.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I had an interest in nutrition because of my stepdad.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I was telling her that what really matters to me, and I think she also is opening up to me because I was naturally, I still am, very skinny and high metabolism too.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: My husband is very jealous.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: Most other people are lit listening on this are too.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: But I also had to be careful because of being skinny.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: There's a very other side of this, so just shoo on the other foot, right?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know the trial, don't judge until you've been there.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, I was giving her the advice of how about you don't look in the scale, and how about instead you close your eyes and you tune into yourself?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: And how are you feeling?
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: How is the inside of your body feeling?
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: Does it feel like it's strong?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: Does your core feel strong?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can hold yourself up.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: Does it feel like there's weaknesses in different parts of your body that you need to work on?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, we were also in our 20s, so now at this age, it's also bone health.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot more there.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: And reaching for whole foods, whole grain bread.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I was talking to her specifically about bread.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: This was before I taken any nutrition courses.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: So, and vitamins and stuff like that, making sure that you're getting quality nutrition.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Where for me being so skinny, I also was reaching for not quality nutrition to try and put some weight on.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: But then there's the idea of but I want fat on my body, but I don't want it to be dangerous fat.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because you're holding fat stores and it can literally be dangerous fat, or is it healthy fat?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: So there's a lot there.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: We could totally go on so many tangents there.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: But there's also what I talk to my kids about because now I'm raising kids and wanting to have that body positivity, is how amazing how hard it was for my body with recovery, because I didn't haven't explained this to the kids, but other moms at the bus stop of that really awkward in-between phase where you're losing weight after being pregnant.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: You don't fit in your maternity clothes, but you don't fit in your normal clothes.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: So then you wear your husband's clothes and you feel frumpy.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: And you just kind of hate on your body there.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: But then there's that reminder of wait, my body did something amazing.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I beating up on myself?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: My husband had to have that talk with me several times, post-part depression.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yay.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: And the part that I talk to my kids about is I want all of them to have a body and for my husband and I to have a body where we are that Swiss army knife, like the really fat one, whatever that one's called, where you have all those different instruments.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: So when you get that crazy thought in your head, I want to go bouldering out of nowhere, you can physically do it.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: Or what my garden's bothering me.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: I want to go tear it up this weekend, or I want to move that piece of furniture, whatever you want to do.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: You want to suddenly become a runner or do the mud run, whatever that one's called, the mud rudder, whatever.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: I just advertised for them.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: But like you want to be able to do something, then make sure that you are taking care of your body so you can do those things, so that you can age for a really long time.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, that's what goes with that question of it's also hard to take care of your body when you hate it.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: I have I have an analogy that I use.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: I c I call it the good gift, bad gift theory.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: So whenever we get a good gift from a friend, we take care of it.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's just we like it.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: So if it's a sweater, we wear it all the time.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: If it's a picture, we put it up somewhere, we're gonna see it every day.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: But when we get a bad gift, it just kind of disappears.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: It either gets regifted or it goes to goodwill or it goes to the back of a closet, it just kind of disappears somewhere.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're thinking about our body as a bad gift, how are we treating it?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Almost unconsciously.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: We don't even think about that bad gift, it just kind of disappears.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: I went straight to sex and relationships for giving it away.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: And can we think about the body as a good gift and just start to listen to it like you were telling that young girl?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Can you listen to the body?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: What is it telling you?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: What does it need in showing up for answering that call rather than neglecting that call or shoving it down in the corner?
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't deserve that, versus no, I do deserve that.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I've had that conversation, especially my oldest.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: I've told him how he's ruined my body.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: He's the first.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: Plus, I had a TMI for those of you listening, but I'll make it quick.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: I had a vaginal tear up in and the doctors could not reach it or see it.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I was hemorrhaging for hours.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: We've had the conversation that without modern medicine, I would not be here today.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: My husband, and if we didn't have modern medicine, it'd be back in the day where my husband would need to remarry.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: So my son would never know me.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Only the stories from the years that my husband and I had together before.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's totally different.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Just to give him, don't fear that, but know how grateful I am to know you and to know the children that have come after you.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: But not keeping him in the he ruined my body.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because there is I've told him that, but then I've elaborated on it how I always had bony hips, and I didn't like in dresses how they always stuck out.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I always look skinny no matter what, even if I gained a little bit of weight.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I also, it's rare, but I started to gain weight when I was 19.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: And this is rare in women.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: I grew again.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: Height.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, what?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: No, thank you.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to gain weight, not height.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, but having children, how it changed my hips, and I like the way my hips and thighs look.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I wanted to give them that perspective of how our body changes over time, especially with having children, and how there are things that I like too.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: And just thinking about how to talk about my body, how to, if I'm gonna complain about it, I do it to my husband, where he can coach me through it.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: He's very empathetic, very loving.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: He only sees me in those rose-colored glasses, which sometimes is annoying and sometimes I don't want him to take off.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: Let's be honest.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: And also thinking about when our kids do start to talk disparagingly about themselves or others, what to do about that.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: And that leads to all of this, everyone listening of how much we need to do that inner work to help out the other people around us, not only ourselves.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's the role modeling.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: How do we role model the behavior, the role model the self-talk, role model how we how we eat and how we show up for ourselves with food and fueling ourselves and self-care and taking care of ourselves and saying, no, I need to, I need some alone time, or I need some rest, or I need to get outside.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't gotten outside today.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: I need some fresh air.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: All of those things.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: How do we role model?
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of the work I do with the clock my clients, that sometimes can be the trigger that gets them to move forward.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: What I am not being a great role model for my kids.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be a better role model, even for self-care.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: Taking care of yourself is a wonderful way to role model for our kids so that they have permission to take care of themselves, to listen to themselves.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that becomes I didn't do a great job role modeling in the beginning with my girls.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: I have two girls.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: And yet I learned and I learned to role model better.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: And because I did, now they have a really good relationship with their body.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: But that's only because I've done the work too, right?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: And you've had those conversations to explain to them those parts, which I've done that with my oldest recently, uh explaining to him how I am very mature in certain areas, but certain areas I'm not.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I brought him in here, and you can't see it's above this poster, but I have the motion wheel right above it.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I was explaining to him that I am very much a toddler in that because I was not allowed that growing up.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: And how I'm still learning and it's okay.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: And we all have these areas of weaknesses in our lives, and how much I'm not the parent I want to be for him.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still striving for that and for his siblings, but it is still so much better than the way I.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Was raised and the way my parents were raised, and further back that I have broken a lot of chains and how we now fall back on more of the way my husband was raised because it was he was raised in a much healthier, loving environment and working towards that.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: And we could talk on this for a while, but I don't think we kind of went over this a little bit, but I want to dive into this a little bit more.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: You said you've lived through eating disorders, body shame, and years of self-criticizing.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: What finally helped you realize that changing your body wasn't going to heal your relationship with it?
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's when it broke down on me.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think if I if I were to go back in my history, the self-critic always is trying to change my body.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: My body was never good enough.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: And exercise and compel compulsive exercise became part of that to try to change the way I looked.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: I lost weight, I gained weight, I lost weight, I gained weight over and over again.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I think back now, and even at some of my lowest weights, I was probably emotionally the most withdrawn and isolated from people and feeling actually the worst about myself.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so it was only when my body broke down, I was recovering from knee surgery and not able to use the tool that I used to kind of take away the emotion.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: We find numbing mechanisms to take care of it, so it was food for me and it was exercise for me.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: And with food, like needing food to recover, and then not having exercise, all of a sudden I found myself journaling a lot, stepping back and kind of looking at where my life had gotten me.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I kind of got sick of myself.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: I j I was journaling the same thing day after day, and I had to think about it differently.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: I I need to do something different if I want a different result.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: So if I continue to do what I'm doing, I'm just gonna continue to wear my body down.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's not I'm not gonna be role modeling very well for my family.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not showing up for work very well.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so it was when I actually slowed down enough and did some of that internal work that I realized something's gonna give, something has to change.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when I started to I called two therapists one afternoon, sitting journaling, and one answered, and I made an appointment, and that started me on the healing space, starting to talk to talk to somebody about it, get on a little bit of medication, and then I went back to school and learned a lot of other things that I said, uh, it's no wonder I did all this.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's no wonder if I look back and I see all of the seeds that were planted when I was a kid, and why wouldn't I show up this way?
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that just started that healing process in order to step forward and then talk a little bit kinder to myself, start some self-compassion, and then think about this body as the beautiful vehicle that has taken me through my life so far in lots of different sizes, and it'll probably continue to change as I get older.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: And how do I take care of it, listen to it, and treat it with the respect it deserves so that I can keep doing the things that I want to be able to do.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it's all about.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: I loved a Swiss Army knife that I think that's a cool way.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's a cool way of looking at it.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: I want this body to do the things that I want to be able to do.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it has all these different little tools on it.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: We can be that.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: So many different thoughts.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: So the first one that comes up is we are talking about body, obviously.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: But you also mentioned a huge part of mental health.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to kind of separate that from the body because for anybody who's struggling with mental health and who is struggling with addictions, we all have addictions.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: Let me put that out there.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: And if you don't think you have an addiction, put your phone in another room for the next hour.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: We'll see what happens.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: Let's see how many times you reach for it.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: And we all have our crutches, some are healthy, some aren't.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just thinking about that and how we are talking about the body, but there are so many other layers to this.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: And there's also the other thought that came to me is that we are spiritual beings living in this body, and how amazing is it that this body can fight off so I'm fighting off a virus right now, a mild one.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: I just need a really good nap and a really good night's sleep, and it should be gone.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: But there are so many viruses and germs and everything that bombard us all day long.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: There are so many negative thoughts that bombard us all day long.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: There's so many things that we put on our body, so much stress.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: None of us get enough sleep.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: I have yet to meet someone who gets an adequate amount of sleep outside of people that I coach, not coach, but people that I podcast with that actually have healthy lives.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: Out in the wild, nobody gets enough sleep.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: We put so much on our bodies, and it is amazing how well they function and how much we can do.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: They show up for us every day.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: We don't show up for ourselves.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: We trap on our in our body and we expect it to function well, and then we whine when it doesn't.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm looking in the mirror while I'm saying this.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: I promise.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not looking at you guys through a window, it's a mirror.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's so interesting.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: We do.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: We always are thinking about our we don't realize our body's always breathing, it digests all our food, our blood is circulating.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's we don't have to think about it.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: There's we don't have to still have to do it.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we do somewhere in the brain, but not the part that's doing the act of thinking.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: Not melee.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you struggle with your body, maybe take some biology classes, anatomy and physiology.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's a it's amazing what that body does every single day.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I think about how it shows up every day, regardless.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: If I decide that I want to cook a dinner, it shows up for me to go to the store, get all the ingredients.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: I have to get a recipe, I have to look where I'm gonna get the recipe, it puts all together all that together, and then I've got to put all the ingredients together, and it just does all those things.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: So on a day-to-day basis, our body is doing so much, and yet a lot of times we're not even listening to it, and we're just and we're beating it up and we're criticizing.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: We're mad when it doesn't work right.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: We almost we take it for granted, right?
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: All of a sudden we get sick and we're man, when I would when I could breathe, or when I didn't have this stomach ache or this headache, or when when we could go poop right away, and then suddenly we're constantly on toilet, and we're I I want to get off now.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: We've all done that.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: Both sides.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: Then we yes, yeah, I was thinking of that too.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then we realize, oh yeah, I ate a ton of cheese, or or if you're lactose intolerant, I ate a ton of cheese for the other way.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: I had a friend who did that like camping with him, and he's I had some macaroni and cheese.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, and he's I'm lactose intolerant.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's why you're struggling, dummy.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: Said with so much love, and I'm like, here I have medicine.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: Here you go.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, and on the first day of camping, too.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: We had flushing toilets nearby, but he was yeah, poor guy.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: If he listens to this, I talked about you, but I didn't call it your name.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: So let me check the timing because I feel like I'm talking way too much.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's because my kids are being quiet, it's weird.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: Let me ask you the last question that you're going to not answer on here, but in our newsletter.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: This is my way to get people over there.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_01: I realized, and I've said this three times, that you'll be my third time.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: I listen to podcasts while I am at the gym and I have it queued up.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_01: And there's times where it's wait, I want to go back to that podcast.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't remember which one it is.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's an old one that's queued up.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm scrolling on that person's show, and I'm like, I don't know which one it was.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: I can't find it.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: Or I listen to it, I still don't know where I get that aha moment from.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_01: So this is my idea is to have you also be in the newsletter because it also helps you because I've been interviewed before and I had that.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I wish I said it this way.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, what I actually meant was a little bit more of this.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_01: So this gives you that space, and it also gives those listening the space to have that aha moment come back.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: And also, if we ever have any things that we want you to think about, it's repeated again in the newsletter.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: The links are in the newsletter to you, not just in the show notes, because I know a lot of people live a lifestyle like mine where you're doing something while you're listening, you're not there with pen and paper.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_01: So this is that opportunity.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: So here's the question without further ado, and there will be another one that I'm not asking now that will be in there for so there's your little hook to get you over there.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: Our bodies change significantly as we age.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: Duh.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: How can women particularly move through these changes without automatically treating every new wrinkle, pound, or physical limitation as something that needs to be fixed?
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: It is the belief system that aging, we're supposed to look a certain way as we age, we're supposed to show up a certain way as we age.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: And we were given all these belief systems as children, as young adults in school, and one of the biggest tools we can do is say, is this belief about aging serving me and supporting me, or is it actually sabotaging me and sending me down a negative spiral?
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_01: And you can answer the rest of the newsletter.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: Boom.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_01: But there's also another thought that I've been thinking about.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_01: I like to do house projects.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: I am one of those people.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_01: Because you clean the same thing over and over again, I guess kind of boring.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_01: You need something different in the house.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I like to optimize everything in my life.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_01: And that's part of house projects for me.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: Why can't we think of ourselves that way?
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_01: There are things that while still loving our house, our body's the same way, while still loving our body, there are things that we can fix.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: And that can be through going to the gym.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: It could be your own variation of what you think that is without letting it get too far.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe if more is coming up for you, talk through a therapist and make sure that it's not some people can have an addiction to plastic surgery.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_01: There's so much out there.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_01: Make sure that you are in a healthy space up here mentally, here in your heart, spiritually, and know that there are things that you can still take care of along the way, whatever that means to you, without judgment.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: We are our own people, and we are all attracted, even in friendships, to people who take care of themselves.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because that gives that gives us that, yes, we can take care of ourselves too.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: They're doing it, I can do it too.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it gives them it gives you permission.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's the wording.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so here's the one that you can answer.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_01: Tell us where to find you, tell us how to work with you.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: The best place to go is to my Linktree and Fourier 11 on Linktree because that's got a free gift, Body Competence Unlocked.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's a free a book that anybody who wants, I'll put that, I'll send that link to you so you can put that in the show notes.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it has all my books.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: I do have three books out there.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: One is actually a body image, it's called the Body Neutrality Playbook, and that's a playbook for if you're struggling with body image.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's got lots of different exercises, some mindset shifts, some way to ways to think about your body differently, plus my own story, which is the body joyful.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then I wrote the uh a book to my 10-year-old.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so I have a a tween book out there called Not a Fat Annie, and it's about body shaming and bullying and how a young girl starts to talk to herself with more confidence and listen to her body and respect herself and say yes to things.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so, pretty what I needed at 10.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_01: With your first book, I was about to ask you what age range that one was for.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm getting goosebumps.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_01: What age range that was for.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then when you went to your third book and said that was actually for tweens, because I was thinking of that in particular.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: So yay, you already thought of it and did it.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think our I think our next generation, I want our next generation to feel good about their bodies regardless of their size and to take care of them, to be able to do the things they want to do in their bodies.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's so important to get outside and play.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, to nourish their bodies.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what it's supposed to be about.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about the weight, it's the scale, what the weight says.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's about can you do the things you want to do when you want to do them?
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to go for a run, if you want to go chase that soccer ball, if you need to go chase that toddler down, whatever.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so heartbreaking to me when there's news articles or whatever about that little girl who's obese and you see her swimming and doing all those things, but people are bullying her.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_01: But if you did a scan of her, you would see she actually had more muscle mass than the other kids or whatever.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_01: But that's not really what matters.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_01: What matters is she is a beautiful person, and people are bullying her.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_01: That matters.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_01: And she is somebody's child, she is a member of society, and she's trying her hardest.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: And to me, we all have that little person inside of us as well, and just mm.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for taking the time and for writing this and for unfortunately living through it.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's a good thing.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: My past led me to my purpose, I always say it was a good thing.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: If it if it wasn't for my past, then I wouldn't be doing the work that I'm doing now.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I am I'm grateful for everything that I went through so that I can at least maybe help one or two people now not have to go through that.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I know, and actually, what I was talking about after that woman was undressing in the sauna and everything was how hard it was for me growing up because my mom would always call me too skinny, and my dad would notice that I ever gained an ounce, divorced.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_01: So totally different family systems there.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I wasn't sure how to feel about my body, and I still struggle with that.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what my husband was talking to me about two days ago.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then the other thought that came to mind, I'm about to lose it, it's about to fall out of my head.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, yes, was I always had people tall, skinny, right?
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: And 90s, remember that was the thing?
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um so this was in the 2000s at this point, but I started to look into modeling schools because I even had friends telling me I should model and strangers telling me I should model, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that, like having my body be looked at instead of me as a person, but it's okay, I'll look into it.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I did go through this class and decided that class helped me realize no, I don't want to be a trophy to each their own, right?
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying judgment towards other people who are doing that, but I looked into another program when I was looking at different agencies, and one of them in particular told me that they would take me on if I did not gain any weight.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was already underweight.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_01: No, I kindly said no, thank you.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_01: Just I'm so grateful with all the trauma and abuse that I had going on at that point of my life.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_01: I at least had the boundaries enough to say that because I knew that I did not need one more kind of abuse going into my life from somebody else.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when your body is judged like that, it we it can really feed into your self-worth and your identity.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then the body becomes the identity.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm glad that you had that.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: There's a there's a book out there, the body is a is not an ornament, it's an instrument or something like that.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that's what we want to try to, this is the instrument that we get to.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_01: I actually have that book.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: I actually used it for when it was time to put together research for one of my classes during my undergrad.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_01: And we had to get come together as a group.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_01: That was one of the books where I'm, I want to do this, but we ended up going a different direction.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_01: I got outvoted.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_01: I liked the direction we went on, but yes, I liked that book enough to then present it.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: So as we close out, I just want all of you to feel so much love.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: So much love is going into this episode.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: I know that it brings up a lot of feelings of self-worth, of guilt, shame, love.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be such a mixture.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_01: Know that Anne is here for you.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_01: She is that coach for you.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_01: If you are struggling and you need therapy, reach out to somebody.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_01: You can even reach out to either one of us.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_01: We can put you in touch with where you need to go.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_01: We can help you out.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_01: We started this because we care about people.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: People first.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: So we are here to help you.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_01: Please share this episode with other people because so many people suffer quietly through this.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_01: And those are the ones that you probably need to share it with a little more than the loud ones.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_00: The little voice in your head that you says a certain person's name, that's the person to share it with.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I thank you, Autumn, for the work that you do because you help a lot of people.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, have a great rest of your week, everybody, and I will learn how to talk eventually.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_01: Have a great rest of your week.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: There we go.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for joining our discussion.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_01: If you enjoyed this, please like, subscribe.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_01: Most of all, share the love with others.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: Please share this episode so that we can help other people really recalibrate every aspect of their lives so they can be the best version of themselves.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I will see you in the next episode.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: I want to have my quick disclaimer here that this is not a one-size-fits-all.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_01: If you want one-on-one coaching, let's talk.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: And we will make sure what wellness means to you is really put into your life, put into practice.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_01: I am using my undergrad and applied health and my life coaching experience to bring this podcast to you.