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Unlocking Positivity: The Power of Kindness and Gratitude · Talking FACS

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  Welcome to Talking FACS, what you need to know about family,
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  food, finance, and fitness.
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  This nationally recognized, award-winning podcast is hosted by the University
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  of Kentucky Family and Consumer Sciences Extension Program.
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  Our educators share research knowledge with individuals, families,
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  and communities to improve quality of life.
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  Hello, and welcome to Talking FACS, what you need to know about family,
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  food, finance, and fitness.
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  I'm your host, Mindy McCulley, Extension Specialist for Instructional Support
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  with Family and Consumer Sciences Extension at the University of Kentucky.
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  We are housed in the Martin-Gatton College of Agriculture, Food, and Environment.
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  Today, we are talking about another aspect of positivity and how it affects our mental health.
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  We have talked about positive affirmations with my guest, Kerri Ashurst,
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  who is our Senior Extension Specialist for Family and Relationship Development.
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  So I'm so grateful for you to be here today with us, Dr. Kerri Ashurst. How are you?
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  I am good, Mindy. It's good to talk with you again about another important and great topic.
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  So when we talk about mental health, we often focus on the negative,
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  the warning signs and the things that concern us and things we cannot control and more.
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  So it's easy to fall into this pattern of focusing on what's not good and what
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  we can't control and what we're unhappy about in our lives and what exhausts
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  us and this long list of negatives.
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  But what happens is that when we focus on these negative aspects,
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  we forget about the positives and the things that are great and wonderful and what's good.
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  So today we're going to look at kindness and gratitude. And so I'm excited about this conversation.
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  Yes, and everything you said is so true. And those negative thoughts and attitudes
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  can lead to more negative outlooks.
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  And those negative outlooks can lead to more negative thoughts.
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  And so it can be a really vicious cycle in a lot of ways in our lives.
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  And we all have it happen to us sometimes.
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  There's no reason to feel any guilt because we all certainly do it.
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  And sometimes at certain times in our lives, you know, or certain moments in
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  our lives when we can really start to notice the patterns.
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  And I think that's some of what we'll talk about today, too.
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  The idea that that negativity cycle can really result in more stress and anxiety or even depression,
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  being able to notice when some of those things are and help ourselves to be
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  able to focus a little bit more on the positives that are going on around us in the world,
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  and then practicing gratitude and gratefulness to increase our own level of
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  happiness or reduce our own stress levels and anxiety levels along the way.
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  So I read a study, I believe yesterday, actually, and it said that people who
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  stress about being happy tend to be less happy.
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  But if we just make being happy and being grateful part of our natural way of
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  doing things, then, of course, that makes us happier.
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  So that makes me happy to think about. But, of course, negative creates more negativity.
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  And so being positive can create more positivity.
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  And so how can we help shift our focus?
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  One of the biggest things I can think about to break that cycle is just adding
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  more positives into our lives when we can.
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  Sometimes it's just trying to be more deliberate and more conscious about some
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  of that. When we can think about.
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  Times we're being the most negative and try to shift that focus consciously,
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  you know, and it's not always easy to do, but I think the more we practice some
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  of that, the easier it becomes as well.
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  Thinking about what we're thankful for, like family and friends,
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  maybe our favorite town or favorite place to visit, being grateful for a beautiful
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  day or for a favorite teacher, or even it can be a stranger,
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  you know, it can be somebody we've never even met before who came up to us and
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  said something or did something nice for us, just focusing on what we're grateful
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  for rather than being consumed by those negatives.
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  Is there something you can think about that makes you grateful? You know,
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  I was just thinking the other day about how grateful I am for the example that
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  my grandparents set for me because they lived gratefulness every day.
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  You know, my grandmother woke up with a song on her lips.
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  Wow. And that was an inspiration to anybody who heard it or even just whenever
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  I thought about it because they lived five and a half hours away from me when I was growing up.
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  So I didn't hear it every day, but so many times I would think about it and
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  I would hear grandma's song because it was always the same song that she had
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  on her lips as she woke every morning.
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  And that is something that now she's been gone from us for 12 years,
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  but I still think about that grandma always woke up with a song on her lips
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  and that gives me joy. I love that.
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  So is there a way that we can try to make gratitude more a regular part of our lives?
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  Really, it's as simple sometimes as just reminding ourselves regularly when
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  we're going toward the negatives in our lives and the stresses and everything
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  you mentioned before, just trying to reshift our focus a little bit.
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  And, you know, there's an old Jimmy Buffet song. You're talking about a song
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  on your grandmother's lips.
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  There's an old Jimmy Buffett song called Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes.
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  The idea behind that there is you get yourself into a different situation,
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  and it changes your attitude, right?
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  Right. It doesn't necessarily have to be going on vacation or anything extreme.
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  It can just be a little change in latitude of something different,
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  getting out of the norm or getting yourself out of some of the stress in your
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  life, and finding those things to be grateful for.
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  And as I said before, practice, I think, makes that become easier and easier over time.
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  And when we can change our frame of mind a little bit from that negative to
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  positive, we can really feel our stress begin to reduce.
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  I noticed even when you were talking just then that you were smiling more as
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  you were talking about one those memories, you know, it can really help to
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  shift from that bad day and negative to that better day and positive.
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  And it can be really good to practice that the most when we're at times that
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  are most stressful for us.
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  I think that's definitely right.
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  And I think we can also, you know, the more we practice it, too,
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  not only are we helping to reduce our own stress and anxiety and everything
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  going on in our own lives, but we can reinforce value and self-worth in other people around us.
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  It affects their behavior in a positive way. It can stop somebody in their tracks
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  and change their latitude a little bit as well.
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  Exactly. We've always heard that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile.
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  So why not share that smile, right? Absolutely.
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  So what are some other ways that we can express gratitude in our daily lives?
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  Well, I think it can be loud or silent. You know, it doesn't always have to
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  be something that's out loud.
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  But, you know, when it comes to that, it can be a stranger or a loved one alike.
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  Telling someone you appreciate something they did or said.
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  Sending a text or an email to someone to let them know you're grateful for something.
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  But it can also be very quiet or it can be more internal, like journaling or
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  writing down something that you're grateful for in your life.
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  Or I can tell someone over a phone or in person how much I appreciate them and
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  how glad I am they are a part of my life.
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  It can be really anywhere, anytime, and I think that's the important piece to
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  remember the most. It can be a part of anything that we do or say,
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  and it can be especially helpful, like we said, when it's times in your life
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  when you're the most negative.
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  And I really got to thinking about this this past week because I was on a pretty long road trip.
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  And I tend to be the most stressed or negative when I'm driving.
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  And I think that's probably true of a lot of people. Definitely.
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  When I have those moments and I recognize that I'm focusing too much on the
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  negative, I can shift myself a little bit. Not always, but sometimes.
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  And again, practice can help me with that more.
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  And looking at what I'm really grateful for and saying that out loud or silently.
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  Even with someone who's with me in a car.
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  I can say something to them, such as my daughter or my significant other in
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  my life, being able to tell them that I appreciate them for something. What about you?
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  I was feeling a bit overwhelmed this week because I have a lot of deadlines coming up.
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  I have some obligations that are looming ahead of me.
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  And I just was feeling a little bit stressed and overwhelmed.
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  And so I sent something out that needed to go out.
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  And one of our colleagues just sent me a message and said, I appreciate you
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  so much for taking care of this.
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  And it was something that I felt like was my job. It's something I needed to do.
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  But her taking the time to recognize that I had done it and appreciating me
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  for taking the time to do it made me feel so much relief in my stress.
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  And so while I was stressed, her taking the time to be grateful for the work
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  that I had done really did lighten my load.
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  That's a great example. How can we help others begin this path towards gratitude?
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  Oh, good question. I can think of a few ideas, one of which is just,
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  again, that more quiet time writing down something we're thankful for.
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  Sometimes I think that can really matter.
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  It can shift our focus. It can help us to remember what those things are in
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  our lives that we're grateful for, that are good.
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  Telling someone they matter, telling them how happy you are to have them in
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  your life, and just reminding yourself regularly that there's good in this world,
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  even at the most negative times, and that we can find the good in the everyday
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  things and in this world toward others.
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  We can look at the positives or the lessons learned that are good sometimes
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  from the stresses and the negatives we experience and celebrating those skills
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  that we learned from those hardest times instead of just lamenting the scars, if that makes sense.
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  We focus a lot on, oh, this was hard to get through and it was awful,
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  instead of just really looking at the negatives and looking at the positives,
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  the skills we got out of it, the things that we learned that we can use in our future.
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  And then just reminding ourself.
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  That each day has good things in it. And we should celebrate the small victories.
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  You know, we often celebrate the biggest things in our lives.
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  But sometimes we just need to celebrate the small, you know,
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  the little things that happen along the way that help keep us going.
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  And the people that help keep us going.
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  Definitely. I love that. Because the things that we experience every day can
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  sometimes really feel overwhelming. When we are most overwhelmed,
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  it can be so helpful to focus on something to be grateful for.
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  Our mental health must be just as high a priority as our physical health.
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  So I really thank you for sharing some of these ideas about gratitude and how
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  we can use gratefulness in our daily lives.
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  Thank you so much, Mindy. I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me on this.
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  And if you are just tuning in, you are listening to Talking FACS,
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  Music.