Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / You Can't Change Your Past, But Your Future Isn't Written Yet | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 39

Transcript

You Can't Change Your Past, But Your Future Isn't Written Yet | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 39 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Around the Kinky Campfire.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: Grab a seat, pour a drink and let's turn up the heat.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: This is the podcast where we explore the wild, wonderful and sometimes wicked world of kink, bdsm and alternative lifestyles.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Whether you're a seasoned player, a curious newbie or just here for the stories, we've got something for you.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: Join us on Thursdays on your favorite podcast platform as we share experiences, dive into deep discussions and maybe even spark a little fire of your own.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: No shame, no judgment, just real talk around the Kinky Campfire.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Let's get lit.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Welcome back everybody to the podcast that is flaming, hot and sparkling and kindering and crackling and all those different things.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: This is Around the Kiki Campfire, the Pillowfort Sessions.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: It is your host, senior Talkle Knuckle Fresno, bob, colonel McBee, the Cuddle Gigolo or HH Julius formally or informally Julius here to talk to you about another topic that I have on my mind.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you find it very intriguing and will take it upon yourself to look within yourself, to learn something new, as it were, or just find out something new in general.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: But before I get into the topic, as you all know, it is tradition around here to take a good 30 seconds to suck down some liquid that is not sponsored, maybe even like five seconds, but let's go ahead and get into it here.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Today's not sponsored drink is once again Sparkling Ice Caffeine.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: This time it is the strawberry citrus flavor, which is just so gosh darn delicious.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: I actually have a backup not sponsored drink.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: It's just a Crystal Light, the Great Value version, and it is also delicious as well.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: I believe it is Fruit Punch that I have in my bottle there.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: But let us get to the ASMR in five seconds now, with the Strawberry Citrus, and it's three, two, one.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Oh my teeth, I couldn't even take it.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Teeth are so cold, so cold and delicious.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: With this, five calories of delicious caffeine rejuvenation.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Now just hear the sparkling ice caffeine.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: So doggone, tasty, not sponsored, but I would be hauled out to be a sponsor if it were possible.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Official Julius there with that, okay.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: So no more distractions, let's get right down into it, because y'all know I don't have that much time in the Pillowfort sessions.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: I've got only about half an hour or so to talk about this.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: So right now we are still on our opinionated side of things.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: We are still opinionated and talking about certain things without giving too many facts.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: This is the theme of this year of 2025, of our I don't want to say of our lord, but we don't really do.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: The religious stuff around here Got to be super fancy still.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: I still have the fancy voice.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Okay, the topic I want to talk about now is just having a poor start.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: There's no real name for the topic, as per to say, but I know a lot of people don't really have a good start in life.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: But we got to make stuff happen anyways and I just want to be kind of uplifting.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: It's going to dip a little bit, be less positive, but then hopefully we'll end on a positive note.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: That is the goal of this particular episode of the pillow fort sessions and you can comment and let me know what you think about this episode.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Just feel free to email me at around the kinky campfire at yahoocom, of course, campfire with a K.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Around here we always spell campfire with a K.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Email me and let me know what you think.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: More plugs for the socials at the end.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: New outro.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Hope you guys are enjoying that.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Let me know if you're enjoying that as well.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Go to the socials and hit me up, as it were.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: As the kids say.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: I don't feel like I'm a kid Kid mentally, man, I guess.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: But kid, kid, mentally man, I guess.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: But age-wise, getting up there, another b-day coming around, oh, as we revolve around this sun.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, who celebrates those anymore after a certain age?
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Yes, but speaking of ages and growing up and birthdays, my birth was not so great.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Let's just do a little background story once again for old julius here, emphasis on the old with a capital O.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean my parents weren't even like together.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure they were like officially separated before I was even born.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: So most of my life was just single-parent household and unfortunately, through my extensive research and just plain old opinion, it's just not super possible.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: I mean mean you'll survive with a single parent in a single parent household for most of your life.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: I guess it's better than no parents.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: I mean it is better than no parents.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know why I said I guess there it is better than no.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: I mean I guess you can have adoptive parents.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: That could be better than what your actual parents were.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: But we're not going to get into that whole thing.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: The point of the background story is I would have uh, argument, argument, argue, arguably there's the word uh, not so great of a background at the best step in life to start off with, but I have survived and you are hearing me now, so something went right.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: But some of us have worse things going on.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Uh, yeah, I can say that pretty confidently.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: It's a huge generalization but there is steps in order.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Well, let's talk about how.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: How it is you just have a poor, poor situation.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: And I know for me, growing up uh, religious, background, military, and so it wasn't too bad.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was born in a third world country, then came over to America when I was like five-ish and, yeah, it was an okay start.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Watching the family back home how they came up and even now in current times, it's like, ooh, I definitely got a head start there In comparative American terms, keeping up with the Joneses and all that.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: There I would say I did all right.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Middle class family, single parent household yeah, if you're going by the stereotypes, not too surprising at that point.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: The joke is there somewhere.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: And growing up, yeah, I was the first child in my family to go to a four-year university and graduate, so applause for that.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: I did make it through there, kind of crawled by, I guess you could say.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Definitely didn't graduate with the degree that I started with, kind of dropped down a little bit and had to find something to graduate with.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: That's what happens when you don't have a passion.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Learning about passions later in life, I'll get to that point as well is very critical as far as wanting to do more in general instead of just kind of surviving, not living life, as it were.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: But life sucks for a lot of people.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Growing up poor, less socially, uh, economically, socially and economically, socioeconomically uh back, farther back than most people and I mean some people have trauma and disorders.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: You know there's stuff in your environment and internally, mentally, that you can't do anything about.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: But that's how you start and it's very subjective.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: But there's somebody that's always going to have something worse than you.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's how it is, but we can overcome from that.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: Anybody can come from a shitty background.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: That's just how it is, and I'm one of those people.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Objectively, subjectively, you know I've had pretty good, I will say in general, just to take a break from this conversation I have had a great life in general.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: I'm doing fine, healthy, for the most part.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: I actually can count probably how many times I've been to like a hospital or an emergency room and came out All right.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Those hospital bills were not okay, not okay Even for the little things that I had, but we survived those.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: I've only had one surgery in life, that's pretty much it.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: And no, like broken bone, every broken bone you need a surgery for, right, I don't even know how to say it.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I sprained my.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: I sprained ankles, done that, but only went to the hospital once for that.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: So it was only one severe one.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Otherwise, it's just kind of like tie your shoes tighter and keep on going.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: Put some ice and heat on that joker.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Kind of like tie your shoes tighter and keep on going, put some ice and heat on that joker.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Well, actually just ice, because you don't heat the joints, you heat the muscles.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: People, my little bit of medical knowledge there for you, little background medical stuff going on, but you have, uh, all that going on and I will just say no professionals here on this podcast.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: So if you actually do have mental illness and it's diagnosed, please continue to see.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: Seek your medical professionals, the smart people.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, this is just uh, experiential and opinionated advice here.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: If you have the capacity to do something, then you should get up and do something.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: I'm proof that you can do something because you're listening to this podcast.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: So obviously something is going on, I'm doing something.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I cruise for many years.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I'll just say that right now there's a good couple decades where I was just kind of living or surviving and not really living and doing anything.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: My excuse was the financial stuff.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: I got to the point where I got into a career that I was just good at and didn't really like.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: So I just kind of cruised along, didn't really try to go up the corporate ladder and try to make more money.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: My excuse was, oh, I don't have enough money for that, let me not go on that trip or go to that event or whatever.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: But I did do social stuff.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: So I'd go out to the clubs or the bars and meet up events or something like that and do that kind of thing or go on dates and everything.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: But not too many trips, not too many trips.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Actually, the couple of international trips I've gone on was parentally financed so I couldn't even really contribute too much with that.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: But I got I don't want to say dragged.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: I did want to go because I was going to go see family in another country, which was pretty cool, and it was pretty to go check out even back home to the old country.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: That was pretty interesting.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Yet again, emphasis on the old man here, and I will say I do miss it, the, the traveling, because you know there was a big old, you know global pandemic that happened.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Want to get back to it, but this time around I would like to finance it myself, because being an old man and still having your parents pay for your stuff, oh boy, that does not feel great and not being able to contribute.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: So definitely want to get over that and I will say, for me, finding a passion was something that got me started on the upward train again.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: There's other external motivations, but that was the main one.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: That was for me.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Now you ask yourself what happened.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: So these are some things that could have happened.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: I didn't really have too many mental health issues so I can't really comment.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I do, on occasion, go see a therapist.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: I'm a big believer in therapy and it can be good depending on your therapy.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Therapists that you find seems like.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Anyway, seems like a lot of people get lucky and find a good therapist pretty early, which is really the uncommon thing.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: You will have to go through multiple therapists people.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I will tell you that right now People are like, oh, I had one or two therapists and they sucked and it's like you.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: The average is like over 10.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: You have to see over like 10 different therapists to find you a good one on average.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: So I'm just telling you that right now that is just something that happens on average.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: So if you don't find one in the first single digits and you got to go into the, ah, delicious, okay.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: So that's just how it happens.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: I um, fortunately, I guess haven't been diagnosed with any mental disorders as of yet.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I have some that, a lot of the symptoms of some anyway.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: So I have to look into that.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: I'm actually looking for a psychiatrist here.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: That's gonna be the next go around of looking, uh, professional help at some point.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: There's some things.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: It's just sometimes the drugs help.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of like mental exercises to stave off the symptoms of the disorders that are undiagnosed, but at some point you got to give in At least it's my belief and my experience that sometimes got to go to the drugs just to help fight off the thing, to be able to do the extra thing.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: I want to move on to the next step and it's just holding me back now, especially once I realized a lot of this stuff had to do with the disorder and it was holding me back.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: It's like you know what time to give up the fight and push on.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: We got to push on and I need to make it to the next step and hopefully, once I make to the next step, the mental stuff will be as the mental symptoms will go down a little bit.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: There's just overlying things, so pretty sure the ADD, adhd, whatever it is symptoms are going on.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: And one of the things no symptoms diagnosis.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: The symptoms are going on.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Probably the diagnosis is that can't say that because I haven't officially been diagnosed, not going to be identified by my possible disorder, I'm going to take steps to go on.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: But I've been taking steps for many years and it hasn't quite been working out on me doing it by myself.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: So I need professional help in that way, more than just therapy.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I will say that the average is like 10 and I've only done like five, so I'm only halfway.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: Hasn't been amazing so far.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: They haven't been too bad with the therapists that I've been to and talk to and stuff like that.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: And another thing with, like the global pandemic, you have to do more video chatting is like that's not my preferred way to do it, but it is easier than driving because the gas prices are so high.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: That's a fucking annoying thing as well.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: It's, that's a fucking annoying thing as well.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Do I video chat, which I don't like, or do I just drive to the place, probably during my work day, and then go talk to the person?
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: It's all very annoying.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: But all those different things gotta push through because the mental, like I said, I'm a believer the therapy is helpful once you find a good therapist, hopefully now a good psychiatrist.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I don't even know where I was going with that, but yeah, I'm not going to let these possible symptoms hold me back.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: But drugs just say it.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: I got to go the whole drug route and start testing that as well.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: And again, it might take more than a couple times.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: People, you got to go out there and try different things, see if they work for you.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: I think people are just afraid to fail at this point.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: In general, I'll just say in general, there are people that push through the uncomfortableness and keep going.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: But my point of this podcast is, hey, people are struggling.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: I'm one of those people and it's a process.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: I've gotten to this point in my process.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I told y'all before I started improv and I'm not joking it took me almost 10 years to finally decide to go out there and try and take a class and practice and all that stuff like that, and it's like there's motivations for that that finally happened.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: And even now, almost a year after I started it, it's like, damn, I wish I would have started sooner, but I didn't try because I was stuck, got put into this whole crappy life beginning stuff and it's like, ah, it's not for me, it's for other people.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: They do it better than I do.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: And it's like I wish I would have started sooner.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: So I'm here for you people.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: I am one of those people as well that is still going through the journey, getting better at being uncomfortable.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: You just have to be used to being uncomfortable.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: That's how it is.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: You got to start out being comfortable.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Anything, I'm telling you and hopefully you've heard me say this multiple times it is going to get worse before it gets better.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I am proof fact of that.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: That is a thing.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Even with this podcast thing, it's like ups and downs.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: If y'all have been here since the beginning, you know there's been people in and out of this entire thing.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: And then scheduling people.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: People know they can't always jump in on time, so you got to change it up.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I wasn't a huge fan of just talking by myself.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I enjoy talking to y'all.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Now I enjoy well, by myself or with anybody.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: I enjoy talking to y'all.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Campsters Wasn't a huge fan of doing it by myself at first, but now, after I don't even like 20 times, I've done the pillow fort sessions now something like that.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: I actually enjoy.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Now I'm getting better at it.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: It is a habit.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: So you got to start out and, uh, get better at some point.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know if y'all can tell the difference, let me know in the dms or whatever the social media is if y'all can tell the difference that I've been making over this 20 something episodes I've been talking to y'all by myself and uh, yeah, I just want to.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: It's a process, but sometimes your environment and your mental health, your brain, fights you.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: So I'm here, I feel y'all's pain.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: That is something that happens, but we must push through, must push through and once again I want to say this unfortunately, that comparison is the thief of joy that is going to be a thing forever.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Especially, as I say, social media is a good and bad thing.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: It allows me to communicate with you all on the social medias.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: But there is also that horrible thing where just people make comparisons.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: You always want to look on social media and go and be like, oh, this person looks like this and they have all these expensive things and all this stuff is good for them.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: But you can't like comparing yourself to social.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: You realize that's orchestrated, right.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Those people are not going in there with their shittiest part I mean, some people I guess they the shittiest part of their lives and putting that out into social media.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: So those people that you're comparing to, they're like oh, they got this man better than I do and yada, yada, yada is like those people as well.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: They're not putting the worst parts of themselves online, so, and if it's like a picture and it's like a pretty person, they're touching that up.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: You realize that's like photoshopped and edited and everything like that too.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: They're doing stuff with that photo a lot of the time.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: So let's stop comparing ourselves to social media and like 20% or something is less than half, but people even have a social media account I don't know, combined, whatever, but each one.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: There's only less than half of the population in the United States has like a X account, twitter, whatever we want to call it.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: It's not a good thing to compare, it's not a good thing to wear you.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: And also, with the comparison thing, there's like objective comparisons, like I've known, I know now through my meditation and shadow work that everything is subjective.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: It's not objective.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: We all have our own problems in life and internally it's like you can't.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: Why are you comparing yourself to some other person?
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: They could be here the same gender, sex, culture, all that stuff, and it's like that's not you, that's not how that works.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Gotta go find out your own unique style, figure that out and then be able to go out there and use it to your advantage.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: I know I'm making it seem simple, but there are steps for that.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: I can do another episode on that part of it.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: We're just talking about, we're just commiserating.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: Now I'm just.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: This whole point of this episode is the fact that I feel your pain.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: I feel your pain.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: I feel what you're going through.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: I too am going through it, but still taking one more step forward might be three steps back Some of the times, not all the times sometimes two steps forward and one step back.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: So you're making progress at some point.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it feels like you're just going around in circles not really doing it, or just treading water, as they say, and it really sucks.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Like you hear that in growing up.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Treading water the euphemism or whatever idiom, whatever the word is and then you actually feel it in life is like oh, wow, yeah, that's what that feels like.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've been there too.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: That's the thing.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: I guess you know what kind of motivated me to do this episode too is we're getting close to episode 100 combined for all, all, both at least like 50 and 50 on on the pillow for sessions and the regular episodes.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: So it's like progress is being made and I appreciate y'all that download and stream all these episodes.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: Thank you very much, campsters, for y'all doing that and continuing to follow along on this journey that I've been doing with some friends along the way.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Podcasting is easy and hard at the same time.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: It's really annoying, but I enjoy doing it for myself.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: In general.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: I hope you guys enjoy me ranting along this journey, but I want to say that you can't compare yourself to some other person.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: It's not possible.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: You are a unique person within yourself.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Do not compare yourself to somebody other person.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: It's not possible.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: You are a unique person within yourself.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Do not compare yourself to somebody else that looks kind of like you.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: They don't have the same background as you.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: I know we have parasocial relationships with people in social media, but still you don't actually know them.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: It's not how that works.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: You actually have to talk to them in person and get to know them on a personal level.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Even if you said, met them in person, you took a photo, that's still not getting to know them.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: It's not the same thing, okay, it's completely different.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: So let's just stop the comparisons.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I don't even know how to wave my hand and get everybody to stop doing that.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: I'm waving my hand.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Y'all can't see it, but hopefully you can hear it in I don't know, somewhere in the microphone or something waving my hand.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: Let's stop doing it, and I know that is like a losing battle because people are still going to be on social media and some people play off the fact that people get hyped up on certain things on social media.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: That's the whole point of this game whatsoever.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: I personally am trying to stay out of the drama zone and not do that, but I feel like certain ways to blow up on social media and like that's one of the big ways to do it, but keep crawling along.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: I don't necessarily want to be like famous that way, I would just like to be.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: You know, just find people in my community, my tribe that enjoys the research hopefully a lot of y'all are there like asking yourself these questions that I've talked about.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: I mean, you keep coming back and keep downloading the episodes and streaming and stuff.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: So some of you feel what I'm talking about.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: Let me know if you do in the DMs or emails and I, you know, got more questions.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Let me know if you'd like my opinion, that kind of thing.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: But it's like oh boy, a lot of people.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: The world is stupid, not not you, just the world.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: I believe in every one of you that are listening to this, but the world is stupid.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: So we've got to find different ways to come together and I want to find a tribe that's interested or has thoughts the way I do.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: It's like these observations and stuff Got to go out somewhere.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: So, with the two steps forward and one step back, I just want to say officially there are setbacks and failures.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: The point is, everybody's going to have a failure, that's what's going to happen, but you can have just a setback.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: So the difference between a failure and a setback is a setback is a failure you've had, but you powered through and used it to further yourself.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Failure is if you don't do that.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: If you don't do that, if you don't take that and learn a lesson from your failure, it's just a failure.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: You're not doing anything with it.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Some people fail and then they stop trying.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: It's like you know what you could have really just had a setback there and just kept trying.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Because if you're not failing, then you're not growing, you're not evolving.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: If you stay in your comfortability, that's just how it is okay.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: We got to keep trying, otherwise you're just going to sit there in your same spot and you're not going to change.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: You're going to sit there complaining.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Not a fan of complaints.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: We want rants.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Difference between a rant and his complaint is complaints holds you back ranting.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: You got to get those emotions out, like I I'm doing now.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: I must get these emotions out.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: It's not even a concise topic that I'm talking about, but I got to get these emotions out because it's like people want to be fatalistic and be like oh, I'll always be this way for the rest of my life.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: No, you can't plan the future that way.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: It's not how it works.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: You're not a psychic, I understand.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: We all have past.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: We all have past and we have all past experiences.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: That's something we all have.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: Let's not predict the future, and our brain is fighting us.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: This is the worst part out of all of this is your brain is built for survival, it's not built for success, which sucks.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Sucks, because you have to fight your brain and you have to fight the world.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: The world is not fair.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: There's no such thing as fair.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, there's no such thing as a fair world.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: It doesn't happen.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: But so what?
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Why does it matter?
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter because you can still do it anyways.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Do your thing.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: Even if you fail, try again.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: It's just how it is.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: The only thing that's permanent is death.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: Until you die, you can keep going.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: You can fail multiple times.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: There are people, entrepreneurs that have tried opening a business.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: They go bankrupt, they lose millions of dollars and they get back up and they try again.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: That's the whole point of that.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: If you see, somebody has an opportunity and they tried to do something and it failed, guess what?
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure they tried again.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: That's why it would happen something and it failed.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Guess what?
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure they tried again.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: That's why it happened.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: If you see somebody that's successful in something those Amazons and people's names that I don't really care to say I'm pretty sure they failed multiple times I'm going to go on a leaf and bet I would bet money that they failed multiple times, but then they kept trying and tried again.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: You can fail people.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: I'm probably going to make that.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: The theme of this whole entire podcast is failure happens, fail gloriously, but then keep trying.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: Get back up on that horse.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: Isn't that an idiom for y'all people?
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Probably the right word Don't really care.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Guess what I feel on that.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: Going to keep on going, though.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: Going to keep on talking.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm going to do.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: I'm going to keep on talking.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: Some people's listening, that's all that really matters.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: It can be like one person, more than one person, just so y'all know.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: Officially there's more than one person downloading and listening to this, so I'm going to keep on talking.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm going to keep doing.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: If y'all keep listening, I'm going to keep on talking.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: I'll talk to one person if I need to Shoot Inside my head.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: There's like 10 different people.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: I can talk to them all day.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: I just don't record it.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: If y'all find that entertaining, let me know, email me, dm me, let me know.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: That'd be pretty interesting just to have a little talk.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: I mean this is kind of me talking to myself, but y'all listening, y'all eavesdropping.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: How dare you campsters Stop eavesdropping on my mental conversations?
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean to bring it back.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: It sucks.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, we got to fight our brain.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: We got to fight other people.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: We got to keep fighting.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Ugh, that's like the worst part of it is your brain is still lizard.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Brain is built for survival.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: That's why rejection is so painful, because it's like, oh God, I got rejected.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: Crawl back into your hole, be comfortable again.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Your brain doesn't like the pain.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: You have to fight yourself to get out of that Form, those habits people Habit forming.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: It's going to be something that we do all the time.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: We got to work on those habits and guess what?
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: It sucks.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: Your beliefs are warranted.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: You're not actually wrong.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Put it this way Doesn't make it right, but you're not actually wrong.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, people suck.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: This is how it is.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: You're not wrong about that doesn't mean it's right.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: Doesn't mean you should still sit there in your hole and complain and not do anything to improve your life.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: You got to do it anyways.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you right now.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: I was there, I was, I was there.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: I am there fighting that.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: All the time every time I come out with these podcasts there's a million excuses.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: It's less hard now after doing it after so many years, but man getting up there and or woman, whoever people, it was hard to get up here and just even hit the record button.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: I think I told y'all plenty of times it took me a couple years to actually start this podcast.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: The ADHD symptoms are strong, actually, the ADHD Not diagnosed.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: We actually start this podcast.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: It just yeah, the adhd symptoms are strong.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: I should adh.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: Adh not diagnosed.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: We're not gonna throw the d in there.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Do like throwing that d in there though.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: Oh, it feels so good.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: Yep, anyways, adh is a thing and oh boy, yeah, it holds you back.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, all the stuff that I love doing now.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Wish I would have started sooner because, yeah, this it's enjoyable once you actually go out there and make the thing.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: But I have had setbacks.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: Don't y'all be.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what the word I was gonna say.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: Don't y'all be, uh, do, giving y'all the wrong idea.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: There's been a lot of setbacks.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I hit that record button.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: Y'all don't know about this and nothing records.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: It's great, it's awesome.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: Stupid software just wants to work 10, 9 out of 10 times and then that, just nothing.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: You get no warning.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: Record a whole episode and doesn't even record air quotes.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: Record a whole episode and doesn't even do it.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: It doesn't get recorded.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: So that's happened, that's happened before.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: That's very frustrating.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: I want to throw my laptop out the window, but it happens okay, real quick, as we uh finish up this talk here and I've been ranting to myself myself air quotes there's, there's hope along the way.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, there's some fixes.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: I say fixes like italicize.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: I don't even do air quotes because they're they're fixes, but doesn't mean it's gonna fix it.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: You feel me?
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: There's stuff that you can progress, progress towards and away from, to stop you from sitting there just treading water.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: There's that idiom again.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: But it's just they're like steps you got to do, habits you got to form.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: This is like progress towards a different thing.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: So I say fixes, but it's like there's steps you need to take.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: It's not do it one time in your whole world you're gonna have a magical, not crap life, not, not true?
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, especially coming from me.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: I still say you need to find a therapist, okay, but I'm just saying, from my personal journey what keeps me going and still hitting the record button on all the different things that I do is that awareness.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Awareness I became aware of my situation and that motivated me, motivated me, motivated, motivated me to progress forward.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Without that motivating motivation, without that motivation to move forward and realize where I was and where I don't even know where I wanted to be, what I wanted to be doing, currently can't really predict the future.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: But what I wanted to be doing currently was not what I was doing currently.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: So now, what I'm doing currently, now in the present, was not what I was doing in the past.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: And now, in the present, I'm doing what I want to do because I became aware.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: For me, being aware is researching.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: I like finding all those terms.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: So if you don't like nerding out and you prefer this type of episode compared to last year's episode and I did say I was going to keep with the opinions this year, but I don't know, I got to go back to my basics it's going to be a really nerdy episode at some point this year.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: I'm resisting the errors, but it comes back.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: I love learning all the terms.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: So some of y'all like it because you keep downloading once again and streaming, and I appreciate y'all campuses.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: Thank you very much.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: So I like all those terms.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: Knowing more terms helped me learn more about myself, more terms, more about myself.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: So awareness is very key.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: Also, the future planning thing is you can't predict the future, but, as an ADH person, thinking about the future well, actually, it could be trauma too.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: It was an adaptive thing that we did with not wanting to think about the future, but somehow in our brains we've got to fight ourselves and take the future as a reward instead of making it a painful thought.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: So then we don't do anything, we become inactive by thinking about the future as painful, like I can't think about the future.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: Let me play a video game or something like that mindlessness.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: But no, some way we got to think about, uh, the future as a reward.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: Now, if you want me to go in detail about the exact steps, how to do that, I will.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: Will do my research Once again.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: Email me and DM me.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: All those information is going to be in the outro.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: Oh man, and it's going to suck.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: I will tell you that right now.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to magically fairy dust you into thinking it's going to be better right off the bat.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: It's going to suck first and then get better.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: Me I know this from a personal experience right here.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: More things in this podcast, but I'll use this example unless y'all know from the socials what else I'm into.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: But right now, this is the only thing we have in common is the podcast.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: So I'll tell y'all right now.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: It sucked at first.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you again.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: When I first started doing the pillow force sessions, it sucked.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: Did not like talking about myself in front of the camera.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: But now it is better because I pushed through my uncomfortable and I did it Hit the record button.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: It's going to suck first.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, that's it.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Your brain is going to fight you.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: You want to stay comfortable.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: Your brain wants you to stay comfortable and not be uncomfortable.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: It's going to suck, suck at first.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: Oh boy.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: You can't change your past circumstances.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: You can't change your past circumstances, but the future can be different.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: I know you want to take the past that you've gone through and try to predict the future, but that's, that's just not how it works.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: That's not how it works because it happened 10 out of 10 times in the past does not mean it'll happen on the 11th time, especially if you change something, of course, if you keep the same, and that's it.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: But if you keep trying on different things doesn't mean you're gonna fail every single time.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: That's not how that works.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: You gotta keep trying, especially if it's something you want.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: For the lucky few that have found passions in life oh boy, lucky motherfuckers, lucky motherfuckers.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: I don't like you, that's a joke.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: I do like you, hate it.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, found it so late in life?
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: That's not really true.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: There's never a late time, but that's what it feels like I feel y'all, when y'all think that I'm here too.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: Also, remember, as far as the sucky part, life isn't fair and it's not supposed to be.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: Nobody said life had to be fair, but guess what Life cannot be fair?
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: But guess what life cannot be fair.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: But you can fix yourself.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: You can always try.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: You can always try.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: Change is a thing starts with awareness, but you can't change and evolve.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: You can't change the outside environment.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: You can change yourself, though can't change how people act towards you, but you can change your reactions.
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: That is one thing you can change.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: You can't control outside forces.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: That's just not how it works.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: I know we were raised that way, especially here in America.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: We were raised that way.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: I was born in a different country but I was raised here and growing up, the conditioning you think that you can change people's reactions.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: You can change other people's reactions, but you can't do that.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: You can't change how people think about you reaction.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: You can change other people's reactions, but you can't do that.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: You can't change how people think about you.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: You can change yourself, that's it.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: It's literally.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: All you have control over is yourself, that's it.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: And it's not even the whole self either, because you've got disorders and stuff like that.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, you try to use drugs to change it eventually.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: But you were born and the whole point of this episode, specifically, specifically you had to share your life and yeah, it was.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: You were born a certain way, but you just.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: But you can't change any of the actual um, of your certain heights, certain skin color, whatever you had.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: A physical something can't change that, but you can change your internal, the way you think, literally.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: So if you have like a mental thing, you can't change that part, but you can change your internal, the way you think, literally.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: So if you have like a mental thing, you can't change that part, but you can change the way you're thinking.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, that's literally all you can change.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: Tell you right now If you think you can change how other people think about you.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry to disappoint you.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: Julius is here to tell you that it's not going to happen, but you can always try to change yourself.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: That is something you can do.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: You and always try to change yourself.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: That is something you can do.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: You can always try, because literally that can't do or you try, that's it.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: You can try.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: The only thing you can do is try, and I'm here to try with you.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: Your host, fresno Bob, colonel McBee, cuttle Gigolo, mr Fluff and Stuff, senior Taco Knuckle All here for you.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: Hh, julius, or just Julius, if you feel any of that way, get ready for an outro.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: But that's it for today's episode of the Pillowfort Sessions.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: Hopefully, talk to y'all next time.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this commiserating on the shitty life right there with you.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: All right, hello, that's a wrap for this episode of the All rightcom.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review wherever you're listening.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: Your support helps keep the flames burning and the conversations flowing.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: Follow us on Twitter Kinky Campfire Campfire with a K.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: Youtube around the Kinky Campfire Campfire with a K.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: Or Instagram Campfire Kingsters Campfire with a K To stay in the loop.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: Join the community and keep the kink alive between episodes on thursdays.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: Until next time, stay safe, stay sexy and keep that fire burning.