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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: From Catastrophe To Curiosity · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:16
  Speaker 1: What's going on?
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Everyone? Emily here, you are listening to another episode of
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Five Minute Friday from Hurdle.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: Can I tell you that every time I meet a
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: new hurdler, and by that I mean not someone that's
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: necessarily new to the show, but just new to me
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: and our IRL relationship, they tell me how much they
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: love the five minute segments, and I appreciate that. I
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: want to get that same feedback about the Mondays. I
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: know that you all love it because I see you
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: keep coming back, But I want to know who is
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: it that you want me to talk to. What stories
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: are you itching to hear? My dms are open over
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: on social I'm over at Emily a Body and at
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Hurdle Podcast, and also always available for you over email.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: You can reach to us over at Hello at Hurdle
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: dot us. On that note, when you're emailing me, feel
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: free to send a listener question. As you know, every
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: five Minute Friday, at the end of this segment, I
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: answer a question from the community, and I would love
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: to answer yours. I'm always hunting for them, So if
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: there's something on your mind, let me know. Send me
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: a quick little email over at Hello at hurdle dot us, guys,
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: a baby moved in nextdoor. Actually a baby moved in
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: next door, and then a baby is also literally coming
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: into the world.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: I think the baby's here.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: My other neighbors also had a baby this week, and
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: so I am surrounded by young children, which is quite
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: an interesting experience, not only because I am having so
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: many thoughts about fertility and whatnot. But I am currently
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: in the process of deciding whether or not to resign
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: my lease. And at first I was sold on I'm
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: not going anywhere. I love this place. Sign me up
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: for another two years, the terms are great, et cetera.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: And then I believe it was on February first evening,
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: so the new family moved in next door on February first.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I didn't see that happen.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: I was out during the day, but I'm sleeping and
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: at three fifteen am I wake up to the soft
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: sounds of a baby crying.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: And the thought process that goes through me.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: So I'm laying there, I hear a baby crying, and
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: I'm like, is that a baby crying? Now? Also, I
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: really don't hear much in my apartment, which I'm so
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: thankful for. This is the first nicer building that I've
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: ever lived in up until this apartment, which, mind you,
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: I moved to the city in twenty twelve.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: I moved into this building in twenty twenty one.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: So every building I lived in up until this point
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: was a walk up building, super old. Right, this is
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: a nicer building, if you will. And so I don't
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: hear much in my apartment. I'm lying there three fifteen,
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: I hear baby crying. The thought process goes like, this,
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: is that a baby crying? Me?
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: What day is it?
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Me?
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Do I have new neighbors?
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Me? Oh my god, do I share a wall for
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: my bedroom with a baby's nursery? Me?
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Deep sadness.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: I'm lying there, and I start to catastrophize, right, I
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: start to think, Oh my god, this baby's going to
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: wake me up all the time. I can't do this.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: I can't stay here. Maybe I shouldn't sign this least renewal.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: This is going to happen every day. The world is spinning, right,
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: And then I take a deep breath. Well, I get
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: up from the bed and I go and sit on
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: the living room couch. And I'm sitting there and I
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: say something that my life coach always says to me,
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: which is, if we know that the world is happening
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  Speaker 2: for you, and I know it sounds woo woo, but
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: if we know the world is happening for you, why
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: is this happening for you? Maybe I'm supposed to look
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: around for other apartments. Maybe it's time for me to reevaluate.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: And so I go down that route, and then I
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: also allow myself to go down the path, which is,
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: maybe it's not going to be that bad.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Maybe this is just a one off.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: Maybe this child isn't a newborn, maybe they're a year old.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: I know that the doorman that is going to be
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: there when I walk downstairs in the morning, he has
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: a relatively new child. I believe his daughter is now
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: two or three years old, so not that new. But
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  Speaker 2: you get what I'm saying. Many people around me, a
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: lot of insights, a lot of friends with babies, and
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, I'm going to talk to the village.
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  Speaker 2: So the next day was spent talking to the village.
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  Speaker 2: And I will report that it is now when this
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: episode comes out February sixth.
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  Speaker 1: I haven't heard the baby crying.
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  Speaker 2: Since February first, so I'm basically in this inquiry period
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: of deciding and gathering information, so I know the child
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: is over one years old. If you have insight on this,
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: what I'm told is that typically sleeping through the night,
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: does that mean I'm not going to be woken up
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: from time to time? I'm of course not, but again
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: I love my home. And the takeaway from this, rather
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: than me just like spilling all the tea on what's
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: going on in the building, is that it is human
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: nature to catastrophize. It is human nature to go quickly,
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: perhaps into victim mindset. But it is your choice then
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: whether or not to stay there is your choice then
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: to say what is within my control to move forward
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: from this situation. I know over the past few weeks
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: I've been sharing some insight on a frustrating know that
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: I got within business, and this is a theme within
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: life right now for me, as I'm sure it is
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: for many of you. This opportunity to say what is
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: within my control to do with what is happening in
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: front of me? How can I move forward in the
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: best way possible? And again asking myself that forever question
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: what's best for Emily. There are always going to be
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: things that are beyond your control. But if you have
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: the inner knowing to appreciate that when things don't go
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: as you had hoped, it can still be great. It
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: can be not what you expected, and it could be better,
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: and it could be good for you. There's so much
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: power in that, so much trust me. And I sit
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: here and I tell you this, and I would be remiss.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: I'm a human being. I struggle with this all the time.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: But it's that foundational knowing that helps you escape that
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: victim mindset, that helps you get to this place of
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: it's going to be okay, and that is so important.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: It's a rep We say this all the time on
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: the show. The more reps you do, the stronger your
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: muscle gets. How does a muscle strengthen you give it
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: something to push up against? How does your will strengthen
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: you give it something to push up against. I felt
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: lately like there is a lot that I'm pushing up against,
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: but I know, no, no, that I am strong enough
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: to handle it and so rio. So my thought prompt
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: for you this week was one something that you feel like,
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: I'm giggling a little bit. Here is imploding around you,
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: and why might it be happening for you? Maybe imploding
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: is dramatic. What is one thing that's not going as
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: you'd hoped right now? And where can you find the
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: silver lining? And now a listener question. Hey, Emily, I'm
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: a longtime listener and loved your recent conversation with Gabby Thomas.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Thanks so much for all that you do. With Valentine's
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  Speaker 1: Day coming up, I'm finding.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: It a bit of a hurdle pun intended to maintain
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: that sense of self compassion while being single. So much
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: of this holiday is focused on external validation and romantic partnerships,
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: and honestly, I feel super isolated. I know that it's
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: just another day, and I also know that I need
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: to shift my mindset. How do you handle the pressure
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: of a day like this when you're writing solo? I'd
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: love some advice on how to flip the script, any
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: tips on how to conquer this hurdle and feel empowered
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: instead of just waiting for the day to be over. Wow,
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: I feel this in my heart, and listen, I get it.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: I have been single for I've lost count of so
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: many Valentines Days now can I tell you that? I mean,
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: I don't know if this is the last Valentine's Day
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: that I was in a relationship and if it is, wow,
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: I mean it's like over ten years ago. But I
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: was in a relationship once when the man I was
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: dating bought me a ladle as a gift on Valentine's Day.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I wish it was thoughtful but also comical, Like you
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: think about having a partner for Valentine's Day and like
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: all the things he can bring you, and he literally
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: showed up instead of flowers, I needed a ladel and
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: he showed up with a ladel from my kitchen.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: I digress. I get it.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: Valentine's Day can feel like a forced performance of romantic success.
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  Speaker 2: It's like, let me show everyone all the good parts
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: of my relationship, when transparently, there's probably a lot of not.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: So good parts too.
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  Speaker 2: Just like so many of the people that you hear
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: me talk to on the show, elite athletes and entrepreneurs
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: and experts, they feel defined by their results. Single people,
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: myself included, can feel defined by their relationship status on
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: Valentine's Day. I'll start with this, The noise on social
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: media is going to be loud, So protect your peace
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: and know that. Scrolling through a feed of flower deliveries
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: and dinner reservations might be a little triggering. Give yourself
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: permission to say no to the scroll and self love
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: on Valentine's Day, for many, could just be putting your
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: phone down, putting it on do not Disturb, and reclaiming
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: that mental real estate for yourself. Now. Instead of viewing
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: this day as an absence of a partner, I want
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: you to view it as a presence of your holistic identity.
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  Speaker 2: You are so much more than your relationship status. You
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: are a friend, you are an athlete, you are a professional,
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: You're a neighbor, a creator. Lean into the parts of
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: your life that make you feel whole. You get the
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: opportunity to treat yourself with the same curiosity you'd bring
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: to a new hobby, your new friend, and ask yourself,
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: what would generally make me feel good today with zero audience.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: Romantic love is only one flavor of connection. I'll say
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: that again. Romantic love is only one flavor of connection.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: You get to use this day to lean intentionally into
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  Speaker 2: your community and transparently.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: You get to do that every day.
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  Speaker 2: So ask yourself, maybe my best way of showing my
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: self love, showing my community love today is texting a
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: friend or getting together with someone that I haven't seen
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: in a while. There are stakeholders in your life that
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: show up when your quote unquote stadium is empty. Celebrate
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: them and allow them to celebrate you. We often put
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: so much pressure on ourselves to win at every holiday,
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: and if you feel lonely, that's okay. Do not judge
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: the feeling. I repeat, do not judge the feeling. Just
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: be gentle with the process. Use this day to practice
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: a visualization of where you.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Want to be.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: And I'm not saying that in a relationship. Self love
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: is loving yourself is loving the process. We get to
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: manifest our own happiness by being our own biggest advocate. Remember, seriously,
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: your identity is vast. You're doing incredible things. Do not
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: let a silly, little twenty four hour event convince you
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  Speaker 2: any other way. You're worthy. I'm worthy. And that's my
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: rant about Valentine's Day.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: We've got this.
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  Speaker 2: It's just one day of the year, and if you
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: reframe it and choose to celebrate yourself on this day,
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: regardless of your relationship status, even if you're in a relationship, hell,
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: what an opportunity it is.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: I want to hear what you have going on I
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: want to chat with you.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: Email me over at Hello at hurdle dot us, Tag
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: me on social at Hurdle Podcast at Emily Body. I
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: got you another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys, next time
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: you