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Who You Are Drives What You Create · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: I am sure that you have heard the saying, if you want something different, do something different.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I happen to believe that's not the starting point.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: I believe the starting point is if you want something different, be someone different.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because it ties into that other very famous saying is that what got you here won't get you there.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: So the person that you have been up until now has created the results that you have in your life right now.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: If, like me, you're on a mission to create something big and successful and beautiful, something that feels good to you, you're gonna have to become someone different.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want to know more and how you can get this using my 5S formula, you know what to do.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Grab a brew and let's dive right in.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I call this 5S formula the the 5S of personal transformation.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason I call it that is because, as I spoke to before, I truly believe that if you want to create results more quickly with more fun, less stress, and no doubt, you have to become someone different.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: The people that I speak to and work with that find the change and the and the creation of results and goals so much harder are the ones that are actually what they're still working really hard, but they're dragging around disbelief.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: They're dragging around thoughts of limitation.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that limitation can be I can't, it's too hard, it's not possible for me.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: It could be about their ability to make money, it could be anything.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have the energy, I don't have the time.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sends to be some kind of vision, some kind of like feeling and shape around lack.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Those that feel infused, those that feel like that they're chomping, you know, towards or they're they're that they're really um focused on the goal and they're doing the things, doesn't mean to say it's not still hard, it's not still energetically and cognitively challenged, but they are holding belief, they feel sufficient in themselves, they know that by law of averages, if they keep taking action in belief that they will create results, and that's the difference.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: So who you be is what you create, and the five S of personal transformation is how I get my clients to start thinking about it.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: So if you can, in your mind's eye, I want you to start off with imagin you have a circle and it's split into three triangles, you know, like the trivial pursuit board.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: We've got three triangles, and we're gonna go through the three triangles first.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: So the first triangle is space.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Lots of people are gonna try and create something new without creating space for it.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: What do you need to let go of in your life?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: What thoughts, what behaviors, habits, people, circumstances?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's just something as simple as a physical mess in your environment that takes up too much space in your head.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: But you have to create space.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: The second is schedule, and space can be associated with schedule, right?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you need to create space through taking some delegating stuff, deleting some stuff, paying somebody like I pay someone to do my iring now because I don't have the time nor the inclination, I'm not gonna lie, to do my ining, right?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're scheduling, you might also want to put space in your schedule for relaxation, for fun, for your relationships, for your partner, for your children, for your family, for your hobbies, for your health.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: All these things should go into your schedule.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: The one most common kickback I get from a schedule is people like, I want to fly by the seat of my pants, like I want to have space.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Put space in your schedule.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because I see way too many people that tell me that, and because they don't use a schedule, their work bleeds into every area of their life and they don't actually get time off.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: They don't give themselves time to do their workouts or to go to go buy good food so they can eat well, or to have a bedtime routine or a morning routine, or to spend time with their parents, and then they feel constantly rushed.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Your freedom is in your schedule, your values are in your schedule.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: You get to decide what you put in your schedule first.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: If it's not scheduled, it often doesn't get done.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: And what I like to see my schedule as is a visual representation of what's actually important to me.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: It also keeps me focused on what's important, what's gonna move the needle instead of trying to do all the things all the time, narrowing down to move faster, more cleanly.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: So space and schedule are really quite interlinked, and so is the third piece, which is support.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: I know for myself I have found asking for help in the past incredibly difficult, and it actually took losing my dad to start asking my husband for more emotional support.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Not that he never wanted to give it, it's just that I wouldn't ask for it.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: I would rather cry in the shower on my own than cry in front of him and say, like, I'm not having a good day.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: And losing my dad completely changed that.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was such a that was a really good thing for our relationship.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then another thing that's changed for me recently is I took on a quite a big corporate contract, which meant that I tripled my coaching hours.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I just said to my husband and my daughter lives at home, right?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm not available for doing all these things anymore.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's changed, and I and I haven't backed down on that.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so they I get more help around the house.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: So support is huge, and support is about how you can create more space on your schedule by delegating things, paying for things, deleting things.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: What emotional support do you need?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: What technological support do you need?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: What coaching support that you need?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: I've recently had a new woman join my inevitable, which is a group programme, and she said, it's just so good to feel supported by other women that know what I'm going through.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's so good to know that I can come into the Facebook group and ask a question.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't got to sit and ruminate on it on my own and try and figure it out.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're doing so many things.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: We are using, we, you know, we're we are really not at capacity, but we're using our emotions every day now and our and our mental capacity every day and our physical capacity every day.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was thinking thinking yesterday, by the time I'd walked the dog and done my workout, and I went for a sim in the afternoon, that's two and a half hours of physical exercise in one day.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, it's not like it's a lot.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm asking you to think about what support do you actually need?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Where do you feel like you're constantly being stretched and what does it look like to ask for support there?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Get specific.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because if people really want to support you, they really will, but you might just have to ask and stop expecting people to kind of reach out and support.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't know what support you need, then you need to support yourself by sitting down and really thinking about where are the holes in my bucket, where do I bleed energy?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Where do I feel most depleted?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Where do I feel most joy?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Start to to to um join the dots, play detective.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: So now I want you to imagine that around that circle with those three triangles, you're gonna draw another circle, and that circle is your standards.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, I love this word.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Raise your standards.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: The first time that I did this, and I didn't know I was doing it at the time, was raising my standards around the kind of relationship that I wanted to have.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: It started when I very first got together with my husband.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: So we've been together like 20 years now, but we had a very I don't know how to describe it, clandestine relationship would probably be the best description.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: But anywho, that's way too long a story to share here.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: But what I realized was very quickly that if I carried on in the relationship as I was carrying on, he was probably gonna leave me anyway.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to raise my standards about how to behave, but I also raised my standards about what I expected in my relationship, and that has been something that I've carried on for the last 20 years.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Periodically, particularly when I've gone and leveled my training, my standards rise.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I have a conversation and we talk about okay, what does it look like now?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Raise your standards for how you show up for yourself, raise your standards for how you think and talk about yourself, raise your standards for the sleep that you get, for the food that you eat, for the friends that you hang around with, for how you use your downtime, for how you speak to your partner and your children.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Raise your standards.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: I can't tell you how important this is, and I don't care even how you phrase it.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: I love the word standard because if I was coaching somebody and I was doing kick-ass like cognitive coaching, I'd be saying to them, is that the standard that's that's gonna give you the life that you want?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you keep on having this standard for your relationship or for your health or for how you shop in your business, are you gonna get the results that you want?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: If not, you've either got to lower your goal or you've got to raise your standards.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's your choice, and I'll support you either way, but I think I know which one you want.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: So when you raise your standards, can you see how it'll impact how you schedule, how you create space, and how you get support?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And now I want you to draw another circle around it for me.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is the one that brings it all together.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is your self-concept, this is who you be.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Your self-concept will drive your standards.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: All of these five things they interplay with each other.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know who you are and who you need to be to create these results that you want to have, how can you possibly set the standards around that?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't have your standards, how do you know what to put in your schedule?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: How do you know where you need space?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: How do you know where you need support?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is the thing, is that we're growing a business and we see the business as this one entity, but the business as an is an expression of you, it's an extension of you, and your business can only grow as much as you do.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just getting this vision right now of when we breathe and all these things that have to work together at the same time to make us breathe.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't just about taking oxygen, like breathing in and filling up our lungs.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Our intercostal muscles have to work to expand our ribs to create the volume in our chest.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we have to be able to take that breath that breath in through our nose or our mouth, and the the air has to travel down, and the what they're called, alveoli, I think they were called.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm giving you a biology lesson right now.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: But there is so many thousands of things that have to happen at the same time, unconsciously, to allow you to breathe, and your business is the same.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I teach women to live as they build and to build as they live.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's this dance, it's this interplay, and these five things are your foundation.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And when you start from the outside of the circle in, that's when you'll get the results, that's when you'll get the clarity, that's when you'll just make those decisions about how you want to be so that you can create these results you want to have.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And in next week's podcast, I'm gonna be talking to you about why you shouldn't be walking on working towards a result.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Why that's also backward thinking.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: I have loved this session, have you?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to know what was your most favourite part.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And my darlings, I will speak to you again in the next episode of the Be More Lobster Podcast.