Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 706: 9 Signs Your Avoidant Ex Is NEVER Coming Back

Transcript

Episode 706: 9 Signs Your Avoidant Ex Is NEVER Coming Back · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:01
  When an avoidant X is truly never coming back, their
• 0:05
  behavior often shows clear signs of detachment.
• 0:09
  What are those key signs that your avoidant X is never coming
• 0:15
  back? Stay tuned and you'll find out.
• 0:18
  But first, Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of Love.
• 0:21
  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
• 0:24
  you get your X back or to get over your X.
• 0:27
  And welcome back my beautiful no Contact Army.
• 0:30
  Have you been a good little soldier?
• 0:31
  Well, if you have, then you've downloaded my app Silencio to
• 0:35
  help you stay in no contact. And the link to that is
• 0:38
  underneath every single video and podcast.
• 0:42
  And if you're new to this channel, please be sure to drop
• 0:45
  a heart in the comments so that I can personally say hello to
• 0:48
  you and welcome to our No Contact Army.
• 0:52
  And to read our manual, you can go to nocontactsecrets.com where
• 0:57
  you can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
• 1:01
  OK, so the signs are in no particular order.
• 1:05
  And as usual, the more signs you see, the more likely it is that
• 1:10
  they're not coming back. Now, why are avoidance less
• 1:16
  likely to come back than other attachment styles?
• 1:20
  So let me just briefly tell you that before I give you the first
• 1:24
  sign. And that is because avoidance
• 1:29
  associate relationships with stress and engulfment.
• 1:33
  So once they're detached, they often quote UN quote, rewrite
• 1:38
  history to justify leaving. Another reason is fear of
• 1:43
  regression, and that means that to them, returning means facing
• 1:47
  the same problems, which terrifies them.
• 1:50
  The thought of going backwards. And then finally, for avoidance,
• 1:56
  especially dismissive avoidance, it's out of sight, out of mind.
• 2:00
  Since they suppress their emotions rather than process
• 2:03
  them, it's easier to just stay gone.
• 2:07
  OK, so let's get on with the signs.
• 2:10
  The first one is that they ghost you and I've actually already
• 2:16
  done a video on this titled The number one sign They're never
• 2:19
  coming back. And that's because they've let
• 2:23
  the resentment build and they haven't communicated their
• 2:26
  feelings. And at a certain point they
• 2:29
  point to decide that they've had enough.
• 2:31
  And meanwhile you don't even know there's something wrong.
• 2:34
  But there are always signs and micro expressions.
• 2:39
  However, unless you've trained yourself to look for them,
• 2:42
  you'll be like most people who, well, like I said, we'll miss
• 2:46
  them and, and they'll think, hey, everything's OK.
• 2:50
  And then they're surprised when the ex ghosts them.
• 2:53
  And I know you'll be asking, well, what signs?
• 2:56
  Well, there's a million signs that someone's unhappy.
• 3:00
  So it's not like there's a list I can rattle off.
• 3:03
  It's the same as asking, well, what are the signs that a first
• 3:07
  date isn't going well? Again, it could be a million
• 3:10
  things. It could be something as simple
• 3:11
  as let's say you're the woman and you went out to dinner with
• 3:16
  a guy and after the day to the two of you are leaving the
• 3:20
  restaurant and instead of having you walk in front of him, he
• 3:25
  walks ahead of you like you're not even with him.
• 3:29
  So that's a sign that he's not really interested.
• 3:32
  But again, most people are not going to clock that as a sign of
• 3:37
  disinterest. OK, so if an avoidant reaches
• 3:40
  the point where they think there's too much water under the
• 3:44
  bridge and they need to leave, they may just disappear because
• 3:49
  they don't want to have a conversation knowing that you'll
• 3:52
  be trying to talk them out of it.
• 3:54
  But meanwhile they've already made-up their mind, so if they
• 3:57
  ghosted rather than doing the slow fade, the chances of them
• 4:03
  coming back are less. The second sign is that they
• 4:09
  downplay the relationship and the connection the two of you
• 4:12
  had. So this is yet another strategy
• 4:16
  of the avoidant. If they can convince themselves
• 4:19
  that it didn't really mean anything, then of course it's
• 4:22
  easier to move on. They don't really have to face
• 4:25
  their feelings if they can lie to you about how important their
• 4:29
  relationship was to them, and then they can certainly lie to
• 4:32
  themselves. And that's exactly what they do.
• 4:35
  And they do this actually automatically and
• 4:39
  subconsciously. It's not something that they
• 4:42
  deliberately think of doing. The next sign is that more than
• 4:49
  a year has passed since the breakup.
• 4:52
  By this time, they are well out of the relief stage unless you
• 4:56
  continued to reach out to them and not stay in no contact.
• 5:02
  So they've had plenty of time to think about everything and they
• 5:06
  still haven't reached out. And this usually means they will
• 5:10
  not be reaching out. The 4th sign is that they have
• 5:16
  been no contact with no bread crumbs.
• 5:20
  It doesn't have to be a year. It could be, you know, six
• 5:22
  months for this sign. So they don't reach out at all.
• 5:27
  No texts, calls or social media interactions.
• 5:31
  And even if you initiate, they may respond minimally or not at
• 5:38
  all. Avoidance who might return
• 5:42
  usually leave subtle bread crumbs, likes random messages,
• 5:47
  etcetera. So total silence suggests
• 5:50
  they've closed the door #5 they've expressed clear
• 5:56
  finality. So they've said things like I'm
• 5:59
  done for good, we're not right for each other.
• 6:02
  I don't see a future with you. Avoidance who leave room for
• 6:06
  possibility tend to be vague, so they'll say I need space as
• 6:11
  opposed to it's over forever. Now with this one, keep in mind
• 6:16
  that sometimes in the heat of the moment, people may say these
• 6:19
  things of all attachment styles, not just avoidance, but not
• 6:24
  really mean them. So this one you kind of have to
• 6:27
  take with a grain of salt and you also have to see how many
• 6:30
  other signs of the ones that I'm mentioning here today they have.
• 6:37
  So if they have a lot of the signs that I'm talking about and
• 6:41
  on top of that, they say that it's over for good, then it
• 6:46
  probably is. OK.
• 6:48
  The next sign is that they have removed emotional and physical
• 6:54
  ties. So they've given you back your
• 6:57
  things or thrown them away. They've unfollowed or blocked
• 7:01
  you on social media. They've told mutual friends
• 7:04
  they're not looking back again. They're probably gone for good.
• 7:10
  The next sign is that they've worked on themselves without
• 7:13
  you. So if they've gone to therapy,
• 7:16
  pursued self improvement, or made big life changes without
• 7:20
  attempting to reconnect, then very likely they've moved on.
• 7:26
  Next. You just feel it.
• 7:30
  Their energy is gone. So even if they haven't said
• 7:33
  anything, you intuitively feel like they're done for good.
• 7:38
  And this last one, it may or may not be a sign.
• 7:43
  Again, it depends on how many other signs there are.
• 7:48
  And that is that they're dating someone new and they're posting
• 7:51
  about their new life or they just genuinely seem happy
• 7:55
  without you. Avoidance rarely return once
• 7:58
  they replace the relationship emotionally or physically.
• 8:01
  However, if the person was a rebound, then there's a very
• 8:07
  good chance that it's not over for good, they're not gone for
• 8:12
  good, and when it ends that they may come looking for you.
• 8:17
  So only time will tell. So when might an avoidant come
• 8:22
  back? Well, if they're not fully
• 8:27
  detached. So if they're still watching
• 8:28
  your stories, sending mixed signals, hot and cold, that's a
• 8:33
  good sign. If you have changed so you're
• 8:36
  not chasing, you're emotionally independent, you're no longer a
• 8:41
  perceived threat, that's a good sign for them to not be afraid.
• 8:47
  Or if time has passed and they find themselves still
• 8:49
  interested, whether it's months or years later when their fear
• 8:53
  of engulfment has finally faded, that's when they might come
• 8:58
  back. So what can you do now?
• 9:01
  Well, I would say that you should assume that they're not
• 9:04
  coming back. That way you protect your peace.
• 9:07
  Focus on your healing avoidance. Rarely return unless they see
• 9:13
  real change. So if they felt that you were
• 9:16
  the problem, then this step is crucial.
• 9:19
  And if they do come back, ensure they've done the work.
• 9:24
  Make sure they're working on their attachment style or you
• 9:27
  will repeat the cycle. So if they're showing consistent
• 9:32
  long term indifference, they're likely gone for good.
• 9:36
  And the best move is to detach and invest in yourself.
• 9:41
  So now I'm gonna hear from you. How many of these signs have you
• 9:45
  seen from your avoidant ex? And if you are serious about
• 9:49
  getting your ex back, you can contact me at
• 9:52
  theartoflove.net/coaching and we will send you the rates.
• 9:58
  They're not on the website. If you found this video helpful,
• 10:02
  please like, subscribe and share.
• 10:05
  If you're listening to this as a podcast and you want to help the
• 10:08
  show, then just download this episode.
• 10:10
  Thank you for putting up with my with my voice.
• 10:14
  I'm just getting over being sick.
• 10:16
  And remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
• 10:20
  enlightens.