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319. Sometimes the Truth Doesn't Serve You · How To Love Yourself No Matter What

• 0:00
  Hey,
• 0:00
  I'm
• 0:01
  Amanda
• 0:01
  Hess.
• 0:02
  I'm
• 0:02
  a
• 0:02
  certified
• 0:02
  life
• 0:03
  coach.
• 0:03
  But
• 0:04
  what
• 0:04
  you
• 0:04
  need
• 0:04
  to
• 0:04
  know
• 0:04
  is
• 0:05
  I'm
• 0:05
  a
• 0:05
  sensitive
• 0:06
  woman
• 0:06
  just
• 0:06
  like
• 0:07
  you,
• 0:07
  and
• 0:07
  I'm
• 0:08
  going
• 0:08
  to
• 0:08
  help
• 0:08
  you
• 0:09
  understand
• 0:09
  yourself
• 0:10
  better
• 0:10
  so
• 0:10
  that
• 0:11
  you
• 0:11
  can
• 0:11
  approach
• 0:11
  your
• 0:12
  life
• 0:12
  differently
• 0:13
  and
• 0:13
  feel
• 0:14
  really
• 0:15
  good
• 0:15
  about
• 0:15
  it.
• 0:16
  Let's
• 0:16
  go.
• 0:17
  Today,
• 0:17
  I
• 0:17
  want
• 0:18
  to
• 0:18
  start
• 0:18
  with
• 0:18
  something
• 0:18
  I
• 0:19
  said
• 0:19
  to
• 0:19
  a
• 0:19
  client
• 0:20
  this
• 0:20
  week
• 0:20
  that
• 0:20
  kind
• 0:20
  of
• 0:21
  stopped
• 0:21
  her
• 0:21
  in
• 0:21
  her
• 0:21
  tracks.
• 0:22
  She
• 0:22
  was
• 0:22
  beating
• 0:23
  herself
• 0:23
  up
• 0:23
  over
• 0:24
  something
• 0:24
  small
• 0:25
  and
• 0:25
  defending
• 0:25
  it
• 0:26
  really
• 0:26
  hard.
• 0:27
  She
• 0:27
  said
• 0:27
  to
• 0:27
  me,
• 0:28
  but,
• 0:28
  Amanda,
• 0:28
  it's
• 0:29
  the
• 0:29
  truth.
• 0:29
  I
• 0:30
  really
• 0:30
  was
• 0:30
  that
• 0:31
  mad.
• 0:31
  And
• 0:32
  what
• 0:32
  I
• 0:32
  said
• 0:32
  to
• 0:32
  her
• 0:32
  was,
• 0:33
  okay,
• 0:34
  but
• 0:34
  sometimes
• 0:35
  the
• 0:36
  truth
• 0:36
  doesn't
• 0:37
  serve
• 0:37
  you.
• 0:37
  And
• 0:38
  today
• 0:38
  I
• 0:38
  want
• 0:38
  to
• 0:39
  talk
• 0:39
  about
• 0:39
  that
• 0:40
  because
• 0:40
  I
• 0:40
  think
• 0:40
  it's
• 0:41
  one
• 0:41
  of
• 0:41
  the
• 0:41
  most
• 0:41
  freeing
• 0:42
  things
• 0:43
  that
• 0:43
  you'll
• 0:43
  ever
• 0:43
  let
• 0:44
  yourself
• 0:44
  believe.
• 0:45
  What
• 0:46
  was
• 0:46
  happening
• 0:46
  with
• 0:47
  my
• 0:47
  client
• 0:48
  is
• 0:48
  we
• 0:48
  were
• 0:48
  talking
• 0:49
  about
• 0:50
  how
• 0:50
  she
• 0:50
  is
• 0:51
  critical
• 0:52
  of
• 0:52
  herself.
• 0:53
  And
• 0:53
  this
• 0:53
  is
• 0:54
  a
• 0:54
  very
• 0:54
  common
• 0:54
  thing.
• 0:55
  This
• 0:55
  is
• 0:55
  a
• 0:56
  very
• 0:56
  common
• 0:56
  thing
• 0:56
  for
• 0:56
  my
• 0:57
  brain.
• 0:57
  This
• 0:57
  is
• 0:58
  a
• 0:58
  very
• 0:58
  common
• 0:58
  thing
• 0:58
  for
• 0:59
  most
• 0:59
  people
• 0:59
  that
• 0:59
  I
• 0:59
  coach.
• 1:00
  And
• 1:01
  she
• 1:01
  was
• 1:02
  telling
• 1:02
  the
• 1:02
  story
• 1:02
  of
• 1:03
  how
• 1:03
  she
• 1:03
  had
• 1:03
  dropped
• 1:04
  a
• 1:04
  glass
• 1:04
  and
• 1:04
  that
• 1:05
  the
• 1:05
  glass
• 1:05
  had
• 1:05
  shattered,
• 1:06
  and
• 1:07
  she
• 1:07
  had
• 1:07
  a
• 1:07
  voice
• 1:07
  inside
• 1:08
  of
• 1:08
  her
• 1:08
  head
• 1:08
  that
• 1:08
  was
• 1:09
  saying,
• 1:09
  I'm
• 1:09
  so
• 1:09
  clumsy.
• 1:10
  I
• 1:10
  can't
• 1:10
  believe
• 1:11
  I
• 1:11
  did
• 1:11
  that.
• 1:11
  What
• 1:11
  is
• 1:11
  wrong
• 1:12
  with
• 1:12
  me?
• 1:13
  And
• 1:13
  what
• 1:14
  happens
• 1:14
  is
• 1:15
  when
• 1:15
  we're
• 1:15
  telling
• 1:15
  the
• 1:16
  story
• 1:16
  of
• 1:16
  that
• 1:16
  happening,
• 1:17
  we
• 1:18
  will
• 1:18
  tell
• 1:18
  it
• 1:18
  in
• 1:18
  such
• 1:19
  a
• 1:19
  way
• 1:19
  that
• 1:19
  it
• 1:19
  seems
• 1:20
  very
• 1:20
  factual.
• 1:22
  So.
• 1:22
  So
• 1:22
  when
• 1:23
  she
• 1:23
  was
• 1:23
  telling
• 1:23
  the
• 1:23
  story,
• 1:24
  she
• 1:24
  was
• 1:24
  telling
• 1:25
  it
• 1:25
  like,
• 1:25
  I
• 1:25
  messed
• 1:26
  up.
• 1:27
  I
• 1:27
  am
• 1:27
  careless.
• 1:28
  I
• 1:29
  am
• 1:29
  clumsy.
• 1:30
  My
• 1:30
  husband
• 1:30
  even
• 1:30
  said
• 1:31
  to
• 1:31
  me,
• 1:31
  you
• 1:31
  know,
• 1:31
  you
• 1:31
  put
• 1:32
  your
• 1:32
  glass
• 1:32
  in
• 1:32
  a
• 1:32
  really
• 1:32
  bad
• 1:33
  spot,
• 1:33
  and
• 1:33
  I
• 1:34
  oftentimes
• 1:35
  almost
• 1:35
  knock
• 1:35
  it
• 1:35
  over
• 1:36
  because
• 1:36
  of
• 1:36
  where
• 1:36
  you
• 1:36
  put
• 1:36
  it.
• 1:37
  And
• 1:38
  it
• 1:38
  seems
• 1:39
  very
• 1:40
  harmless
• 1:41
  to
• 1:41
  talk
• 1:41
  about
• 1:41
  it
• 1:42
  in
• 1:42
  that
• 1:42
  way.
• 1:43
  But
• 1:43
  what
• 1:43
  I
• 1:43
  was
• 1:43
  saying
• 1:44
  to
• 1:44
  her,
• 1:44
  and
• 1:44
  what
• 1:44
  I
• 1:45
  will
• 1:45
  say
• 1:45
  to
• 1:45
  you
• 1:46
  is
• 1:46
  that
• 1:47
  it's
• 1:47
  not
• 1:48
  harmless.
• 1:49
  And
• 1:49
  how
• 1:49
  we
• 1:49
  do
• 1:49
  one
• 1:50
  thing
• 1:50
  is
• 1:50
  how
• 1:50
  we
• 1:51
  do
• 1:51
  everything.
• 1:52
  So
• 1:52
  when
• 1:52
  we
• 1:52
  tell
• 1:52
  a
• 1:53
  story
• 1:53
  about
• 1:53
  ourselves,
• 1:54
  about
• 1:54
  something
• 1:55
  that
• 1:55
  we
• 1:55
  have
• 1:55
  done,
• 1:56
  about
• 1:56
  a
• 1:57
  sin
• 1:57
  that
• 1:57
  we
• 1:57
  have
• 1:58
  committed,
• 1:59
  be
• 1:59
  it
• 1:59
  spilling
• 2:00
  a
• 2:00
  glass
• 2:00
  of
• 2:00
  water
• 2:01
  and
• 2:01
  breaking
• 2:01
  the
• 2:02
  glass,
• 2:02
  or
• 2:03
  making
• 2:04
  a
• 2:04
  mistake
• 2:04
  in
• 2:04
  your
• 2:05
  relationship
• 2:05
  and
• 2:05
  doing
• 2:06
  something
• 2:06
  that
• 2:06
  you
• 2:07
  wish
• 2:07
  you
• 2:07
  wouldn't
• 2:07
  have
• 2:07
  done,
• 2:08
  saying
• 2:09
  something
• 2:09
  in
• 2:09
  a
• 2:09
  fight
• 2:09
  that
• 2:10
  you
• 2:10
  wish
• 2:10
  you
• 2:10
  wouldn't
• 2:10
  have
• 2:11
  said,
• 2:11
  right?
• 2:12
  When
• 2:12
  we
• 2:13
  look
• 2:13
  at
• 2:13
  this,
• 2:13
  we
• 2:14
  think
• 2:14
  that
• 2:15
  there
• 2:15
  is
• 2:15
  a
• 2:15
  difference,
• 2:16
  but
• 2:16
  there
• 2:16
  isn't.
• 2:17
  What
• 2:17
  happened
• 2:18
  in
• 2:18
  this
• 2:18
  case
• 2:19
  is,
• 2:19
  if
• 2:19
  you
• 2:19
  notice,
• 2:20
  there's
• 2:20
  just
• 2:21
  this
• 2:21
  hypercritical
• 2:22
  nature
• 2:22
  that
• 2:23
  gets
• 2:23
  brought
• 2:23
  in
• 2:24
  to,
• 2:25
  I
• 2:25
  did
• 2:25
  this
• 2:25
  thing,
• 2:26
  and
• 2:26
  it's
• 2:26
  my
• 2:26
  fault.
• 2:27
  And
• 2:28
  I
• 2:28
  need
• 2:28
  to
• 2:29
  own
• 2:29
  that
• 2:29
  as
• 2:29
  my
• 2:29
  fault,
• 2:30
  because
• 2:30
  I'm
• 2:30
  the
• 2:30
  one
• 2:30
  that
• 2:30
  knocked
• 2:31
  over
• 2:31
  the
• 2:31
  glass.
• 2:32
  I'M
• 2:32
  the
• 2:32
  one
• 2:32
  that
• 2:33
  messed
• 2:33
  it
• 2:33
  up,
• 2:33
  so
• 2:34
  it's
• 2:35
  my
• 2:35
  problem.
• 2:36
  It's
• 2:36
  something
• 2:36
  I
• 2:37
  did.
• 2:37
  And
• 2:38
  that
• 2:38
  sounds
• 2:38
  so
• 2:39
  factual.
• 2:40
  And
• 2:40
  in
• 2:40
  fact,
• 2:41
  you
• 2:41
  know,
• 2:42
  when
• 2:42
  I'm
• 2:42
  coaching
• 2:42
  someone,
• 2:43
  we
• 2:43
  oftentimes
• 2:44
  will
• 2:44
  separate
• 2:45
  facts
• 2:46
  out
• 2:46
  from
• 2:46
  thoughts.
• 2:47
  And
• 2:47
  that's
• 2:47
  a
• 2:48
  big
• 2:48
  part
• 2:48
  of
• 2:48
  the
• 2:48
  work,
• 2:49
  is
• 2:49
  what
• 2:50
  parts
• 2:50
  of
• 2:50
  this
• 2:50
  are
• 2:51
  factual
• 2:52
  and
• 2:52
  which
• 2:52
  parts
• 2:53
  of
• 2:53
  this
• 2:53
  are
• 2:53
  not
• 2:54
  factual.
• 2:55
  And
• 2:55
  in
• 2:55
  fact,
• 2:56
  just
• 2:56
  an
• 2:56
  interpretation
• 2:57
  by
• 2:57
  your
• 2:57
  brain.
• 2:58
  Sometimes
• 2:59
  when
• 2:59
  we're
• 2:59
  doing
• 3:00
  this,
• 3:00
  we
• 3:01
  can
• 3:01
  get
• 3:01
  into
• 3:01
  an
• 3:02
  argument
• 3:03
  about
• 3:03
  what's
• 3:04
  factual
• 3:04
  and
• 3:04
  what's
• 3:05
  not.
• 3:05
  But
• 3:06
  I
• 3:06
  don't
• 3:06
  really
• 3:07
  look
• 3:07
  at
• 3:07
  it
• 3:07
  like
• 3:07
  that.
• 3:08
  I
• 3:09
  look
• 3:09
  at
• 3:09
  it
• 3:09
  from
• 3:09
  the
• 3:09
  standpoint
• 3:10
  of
• 3:11
  is
• 3:12
  me
• 3:13
  believing
• 3:13
  this
• 3:14
  version
• 3:15
  of
• 3:15
  this
• 3:15
  story
• 3:16
  creating
• 3:17
  a
• 3:17
  result
• 3:18
  that
• 3:18
  I
• 3:19
  want
• 3:19
  to
• 3:19
  create
• 3:20
  in
• 3:20
  my
• 3:20
  life.
• 3:21
  Right?
• 3:22
  We
• 3:23
  look
• 3:23
  at
• 3:23
  it.
• 3:23
  When
• 3:24
  I
• 3:24
  coach
• 3:24
  you,
• 3:24
  I'm
• 3:25
  looking
• 3:25
  at
• 3:25
  it
• 3:25
  through
• 3:26
  that
• 3:26
  lens.
• 3:26
  Here's
• 3:27
  the
• 3:27
  reason
• 3:27
  why.
• 3:28
  I
• 3:28
  think
• 3:28
  one
• 3:28
  of
• 3:29
  the
• 3:29
  most
• 3:29
  beautiful
• 3:29
  things
• 3:30
  about
• 3:30
  coaching,
• 3:31
  my
• 3:31
  favorite
• 3:31
  thing
• 3:32
  about
• 3:32
  coaching,
• 3:33
  the
• 3:33
  way
• 3:33
  that
• 3:33
  I
• 3:33
  coach,
• 3:34
  is
• 3:35
  that
• 3:35
  we
• 3:36
  are
• 3:36
  not
• 3:36
  having
• 3:36
  this
• 3:36
  conversation
• 3:38
  to
• 3:38
  air
• 3:38
  it
• 3:39
  out.
• 3:39
  We
• 3:39
  are
• 3:40
  not
• 3:40
  talking
• 3:40
  about
• 3:40
  this
• 3:41
  to
• 3:42
  have
• 3:42
  it
• 3:42
  go
• 3:43
  nowhere
• 3:43
  or
• 3:43
  bring
• 3:43
  up
• 3:44
  old
• 3:44
  hurt
• 3:45
  or
• 3:45
  somehow,
• 3:45
  if
• 3:45
  we
• 3:45
  look
• 3:45
  at
• 3:46
  it
• 3:46
  enough
• 3:46
  times,
• 3:46
  we'll
• 3:47
  feel
• 3:47
  better
• 3:47
  about
• 3:47
  it.
• 3:48
  That
• 3:49
  is
• 3:49
  not
• 3:49
  what
• 3:49
  we're
• 3:49
  doing.
• 3:50
  What
• 3:51
  we're
• 3:51
  doing
• 3:51
  is
• 3:51
  we
• 3:51
  are
• 3:52
  truly
• 3:52
  results
• 3:53
  focused.
• 3:54
  And
• 3:54
  so
• 3:54
  when
• 3:54
  a
• 3:55
  client
• 3:55
  comes
• 3:55
  to
• 3:55
  me
• 3:55
  and
• 3:56
  they
• 3:56
  say
• 3:56
  they're
• 3:56
  experiencing
• 3:57
  a
• 3:57
  ton
• 3:57
  of
• 3:57
  anxiety,
• 3:58
  when
• 3:59
  they
• 3:59
  are
• 3:59
  telling
• 3:59
  me
• 3:59
  that
• 4:00
  they
• 4:00
  have
• 4:00
  perpetual
• 4:01
  overthinking,
• 4:02
  that
• 4:03
  every
• 4:03
  situation
• 4:04
  has
• 4:05
  a
• 4:05
  little
• 4:05
  bit
• 4:05
  of
• 4:05
  a
• 4:05
  thought
• 4:05
  soundtrack
• 4:07
  attached
• 4:07
  to
• 4:07
  it,
• 4:07
  that
• 4:08
  they
• 4:08
  find
• 4:08
  themselves
• 4:09
  shutting
• 4:10
  down,
• 4:10
  being
• 4:11
  quiet
• 4:11
  or
• 4:12
  freaking
• 4:12
  out
• 4:13
  and
• 4:13
  losing
• 4:13
  their
• 4:13
  shit,
• 4:14
  that
• 4:14
  they
• 4:14
  are
• 4:14
  just
• 4:14
  in
• 4:14
  this
• 4:15
  experience
• 4:15
  of
• 4:15
  themselves
• 4:16
  with.
• 4:16
  Where
• 4:17
  it's
• 4:17
  an
• 4:18
  inhospitable
• 4:20
  place
• 4:20
  inside
• 4:20
  of
• 4:21
  themselves.
• 4:22
  Where
• 4:22
  I
• 4:22
  typically
• 4:22
  start
• 4:23
  seeing
• 4:24
  problems
• 4:25
  is
• 4:25
  in
• 4:25
  the
• 4:25
  hypercritical
• 4:26
  nature
• 4:27
  of
• 4:28
  my
• 4:28
  clients.
• 4:28
  This
• 4:29
  is
• 4:29
  a
• 4:29
  very
• 4:29
  common
• 4:30
  trait.
• 4:31
  It's
• 4:31
  very
• 4:32
  common
• 4:32
  in
• 4:34
  sensitive
• 4:35
  women,
• 4:35
  women
• 4:36
  with
• 4:36
  sensitive
• 4:36
  nervous
• 4:37
  systems,
• 4:37
  women
• 4:37
  that
• 4:38
  are
• 4:38
  neurodivergent,
• 4:39
  women
• 4:39
  that
• 4:39
  have
• 4:40
  been
• 4:40
  through
• 4:40
  trauma,
• 4:41
  women
• 4:41
  that
• 4:42
  are
• 4:42
  empaths,
• 4:43
  women
• 4:43
  that
• 4:43
  are
• 4:44
  in
• 4:44
  tune
• 4:45
  emotionally,
• 4:46
  but
• 4:46
  that
• 4:47
  also
• 4:48
  don't
• 4:48
  realize
• 4:49
  that
• 4:49
  the
• 4:49
  way
• 4:50
  that
• 4:50
  they
• 4:50
  see
• 4:50
  things
• 4:51
  is
• 4:52
  actually
• 4:52
  harming
• 4:53
  them.
• 4:53
  I
• 4:54
  was
• 4:54
  telling
• 4:54
  my
• 4:54
  client
• 4:55
  on
• 4:55
  this
• 4:55
  call
• 4:55
  that
• 4:56
  I
• 4:56
  grew
• 4:56
  up
• 4:56
  in
• 4:56
  a
• 4:57
  home
• 4:57
  where
• 4:58
  everything
• 4:58
  had
• 4:58
  to
• 4:59
  be
• 4:59
  somebody's
• 4:59
  fault.
• 4:59
  And
• 5:00
  I've
• 5:00
  talked
• 5:00
  about
• 5:00
  this
• 5:00
  on
• 5:01
  this
• 5:01
  podcast
• 5:01
  before.
• 5:01
  This
• 5:02
  isn't
• 5:02
  new,
• 5:02
  but
• 5:03
  I
• 5:03
  grew
• 5:03
  up
• 5:03
  in
• 5:03
  this
• 5:04
  home
• 5:04
  where
• 5:05
  somebody
• 5:06
  had
• 5:06
  to
• 5:06
  be
• 5:07
  at
• 5:07
  fault
• 5:07
  at
• 5:08
  all
• 5:08
  times
• 5:08
  for
• 5:09
  all
• 5:09
  things.
• 5:09
  And
• 5:09
  that,
• 5:10
  in
• 5:10
  fact,
• 5:10
  I
• 5:10
  grew
• 5:10
  up
• 5:10
  in
• 5:11
  a
• 5:11
  home
• 5:11
  where
• 5:11
  we
• 5:12
  didn't
• 5:12
  just
• 5:12
  cry
• 5:13
  over
• 5:13
  spilt
• 5:14
  milk,
• 5:15
  we
• 5:15
  cried
• 5:16
  over
• 5:16
  spilt
• 5:17
  water.
• 5:17
  That
• 5:18
  this
• 5:18
  is
• 5:18
  what
• 5:18
  was
• 5:19
  happening
• 5:19
  for
• 5:19
  us.
• 5:20
  Inside
• 5:20
  of
• 5:20
  our
• 5:21
  home,
• 5:21
  that
• 5:21
  this
• 5:21
  is
• 5:22
  how
• 5:22
  my
• 5:22
  brain
• 5:23
  essentially
• 5:24
  got
• 5:24
  formed,
• 5:24
  to
• 5:25
  look
• 5:25
  at
• 5:25
  mistakes,
• 5:26
  to
• 5:26
  look
• 5:26
  at
• 5:26
  things
• 5:27
  that
• 5:27
  went
• 5:27
  wrong,
• 5:28
  to
• 5:28
  look
• 5:28
  at
• 5:29
  things
• 5:29
  that
• 5:29
  are
• 5:29
  messy.
• 5:30
  And
• 5:30
  so
• 5:30
  when
• 5:31
  I'm
• 5:31
  helping
• 5:31
  someone
• 5:32
  in
• 5:32
  this
• 5:32
  area,
• 5:33
  when
• 5:33
  we're
• 5:33
  looking
• 5:34
  at
• 5:34
  the
• 5:35
  truth,
• 5:35
  and
• 5:35
  I
• 5:36
  put
• 5:36
  that
• 5:36
  in
• 5:36
  air
• 5:36
  quotes,
• 5:37
  the
• 5:37
  truth
• 5:38
  isn't
• 5:38
  always
• 5:38
  the
• 5:38
  truth.
• 5:39
  The
• 5:40
  truth
• 5:40
  is
• 5:40
  your
• 5:40
  interpretation
• 5:41
  of
• 5:42
  the
• 5:42
  truth.
• 5:43
  I
• 5:43
  knocked
• 5:43
  over
• 5:43
  a
• 5:44
  glass
• 5:44
  of
• 5:44
  water.
• 5:45
  That
• 5:45
  is
• 5:45
  a
• 5:45
  factual
• 5:46
  statement.
• 5:47
  Everything
• 5:47
  that
• 5:48
  comes
• 5:48
  after
• 5:48
  it
• 5:48
  isn't
• 5:49
  the
• 5:49
  truth.
• 5:50
  It's
• 5:50
  my
• 5:50
  fault.
• 5:51
  I
• 5:51
  was
• 5:51
  clumsy,
• 5:52
  et
• 5:52
  cetera,
• 5:52
  et
• 5:52
  cetera.
• 5:53
  Not
• 5:53
  the
• 5:53
  truth.
• 5:54
  I
• 5:54
  was
• 5:54
  even
• 5:54
  saying
• 5:54
  to
• 5:55
  this
• 5:55
  client
• 5:55
  that
• 5:55
  I
• 5:56
  was,
• 5:56
  so.
• 5:57
  I'll
• 5:57
  call
• 5:57
  it
• 5:57
  persecuted
• 5:58
  in
• 5:59
  my
• 5:59
  family
• 6:00
  for
• 6:01
  making
• 6:02
  mistakes,
• 6:02
  falling
• 6:03
  down,
• 6:04
  spilling
• 6:05
  things,
• 6:05
  et
• 6:06
  cetera,
• 6:06
  et
• 6:06
  cetera.
• 6:07
  I
• 6:07
  did
• 6:07
  that
• 6:07
  so
• 6:08
  often
• 6:08
  that
• 6:08
  my
• 6:09
  family
• 6:09
  started
• 6:09
  identifying
• 6:10
  it
• 6:10
  as
• 6:11
  Amanda's.
• 6:12
  Like,
• 6:12
  if
• 6:12
  you
• 6:12
  made
• 6:13
  a
• 6:13
  mistake,
• 6:13
  if
• 6:13
  you
• 6:13
  made
• 6:14
  a
• 6:14
  mess,
• 6:14
  if
• 6:14
  you
• 6:14
  broke
• 6:15
  something,
• 6:15
  it
• 6:15
  was
• 6:15
  an
• 6:16
  Amanda.
• 6:17
  And
• 6:17
  the
• 6:17
  other
• 6:17
  thing
• 6:18
  that
• 6:18
  I
• 6:18
  remember
• 6:19
  happening
• 6:19
  in
• 6:19
  my
• 6:19
  home,
• 6:20
  and
• 6:20
  my
• 6:20
  husband
• 6:20
  points
• 6:21
  this
• 6:21
  out
• 6:21
  because
• 6:21
  my
• 6:21
  dad
• 6:22
  still
• 6:22
  does
• 6:22
  say
• 6:22
  it,
• 6:22
  and
• 6:23
  I.
• 6:23
  And
• 6:23
  I
• 6:23
  say
• 6:23
  it
• 6:23
  with
• 6:24
  deep
• 6:24
  love,
• 6:24
  but
• 6:24
  also,
• 6:24
  like
• 6:25
  having
• 6:25
  a
• 6:25
  deep
• 6:25
  understanding
• 6:26
  of
• 6:26
  what
• 6:26
  this
• 6:26
  does.
• 6:27
  My
• 6:27
  dad
• 6:28
  would
• 6:28
  always
• 6:28
  say
• 6:28
  if
• 6:29
  something
• 6:29
  went
• 6:29
  wrong,
• 6:29
  that
• 6:29
  the
• 6:30
  reason
• 6:30
  why
• 6:30
  it
• 6:30
  happened
• 6:31
  was
• 6:31
  carelessness.
• 6:32
  And
• 6:32
  that
• 6:32
  can
• 6:32
  all
• 6:33
  sound
• 6:33
  very
• 6:33
  factual.
• 6:34
  And
• 6:34
  the
• 6:34
  truth
• 6:34
  is,
• 6:35
  that's
• 6:35
  how
• 6:35
  he
• 6:35
  was
• 6:36
  raised,
• 6:36
  so
• 6:37
  it
• 6:37
  makes
• 6:37
  sense.
• 6:38
  But
• 6:38
  what
• 6:39
  I
• 6:39
  have
• 6:39
  really
• 6:40
  learned
• 6:40
  over
• 6:41
  the
• 6:41
  years
• 6:41
  is
• 6:41
  a
• 6:42
  few
• 6:42
  key
• 6:42
  things
• 6:42
  that
• 6:42
  are
• 6:43
  super
• 6:43
  important.
• 6:43
  Number
• 6:44
  one,
• 6:44
  life
• 6:45
  is
• 6:45
  messy.
• 6:46
  Relationships
• 6:46
  are
• 6:47
  messy.
• 6:47
  Humans
• 6:48
  are
• 6:48
  messy.
• 6:48
  We
• 6:49
  are
• 6:49
  always
• 6:49
  going
• 6:49
  to
• 6:49
  be
• 6:50
  messy
• 6:50
  forever
• 6:51
  and
• 6:51
  ever
• 6:51
  till
• 6:51
  the
• 6:52
  day
• 6:52
  we
• 6:52
  die.
• 6:52
  And
• 6:52
  so
• 6:53
  we
• 6:53
  don't
• 6:53
  need
• 6:53
  to
• 6:53
  cure
• 6:54
  being
• 6:54
  messy.
• 6:54
  Number
• 6:55
  one,
• 6:55
  it's
• 6:55
  just
• 6:55
  a
• 6:56
  really
• 6:56
  big
• 6:56
  core
• 6:56
  belief
• 6:57
  that
• 6:57
  I
• 6:57
  have.
• 6:58
  I
• 6:58
  also
• 6:58
  believe
• 6:58
  that
• 6:59
  relationships
• 6:59
  are
• 6:59
  messy
• 7:00
  and
• 7:00
  that
• 7:00
  accidents
• 7:01
  are
• 7:01
  accidents,
• 7:02
  in
• 7:02
  that
• 7:02
  nobody
• 7:03
  means
• 7:03
  to
• 7:04
  have
• 7:04
  an
• 7:04
  accident.
• 7:05
  We
• 7:05
  don't
• 7:05
  need
• 7:05
  to
• 7:05
  attribute
• 7:06
  blame.
• 7:07
  And
• 7:07
  in
• 7:07
  fact,
• 7:08
  something
• 7:08
  that
• 7:09
  I
• 7:09
  like
• 7:09
  to
• 7:09
  say
• 7:09
  to
• 7:10
  myself
• 7:10
  and
• 7:10
  to
• 7:11
  others
• 7:11
  is,
• 7:11
  what
• 7:11
  if
• 7:11
  this
• 7:12
  is
• 7:12
  nobody's
• 7:12
  fault?
• 7:13
  And
• 7:13
  that
• 7:13
  is
• 7:14
  not
• 7:14
  what
• 7:14
  is
• 7:14
  needed
• 7:15
  to
• 7:15
  solve
• 7:15
  the
• 7:15
  problem.
• 7:15
  And
• 7:16
  I
• 7:16
  will
• 7:16
  tell
• 7:16
  you
• 7:16
  right
• 7:16
  now,
• 7:17
  it
• 7:17
  is
• 7:18
  never
• 7:18
  needed
• 7:18
  to
• 7:18
  solve
• 7:19
  the
• 7:19
  problem.
• 7:19
  What
• 7:20
  we
• 7:20
  tend
• 7:21
  to
• 7:21
  do
• 7:21
  as
• 7:22
  a
• 7:22
  society
• 7:22
  in
• 7:23
  the
• 7:23
  way
• 7:23
  that
• 7:23
  we're.
• 7:23
  We're
• 7:24
  brought
• 7:24
  up,
• 7:24
  is
• 7:25
  that
• 7:25
  we
• 7:26
  want
• 7:26
  somebody
• 7:27
  to
• 7:27
  have
• 7:27
  accountability.
• 7:28
  Like,
• 7:29
  that's
• 7:29
  the
• 7:29
  most
• 7:29
  important
• 7:30
  piece
• 7:30
  of
• 7:30
  the
• 7:30
  puzzle.
• 7:31
  Somebody
• 7:32
  needs
• 7:32
  to
• 7:32
  take
• 7:32
  accountability
• 7:33
  here.
• 7:33
  And
• 7:33
  I'm
• 7:33
  like,
• 7:34
  what
• 7:34
  if
• 7:34
  they
• 7:34
  don't?
• 7:35
  And
• 7:35
  what
• 7:35
  if
• 7:35
  we're
• 7:36
  just
• 7:36
  taking
• 7:36
  accountability
• 7:36
  for
• 7:37
  the
• 7:37
  wrong
• 7:37
  things?
• 7:37
  What
• 7:38
  if
• 7:38
  placing
• 7:38
  blame
• 7:39
  only
• 7:40
  creates
• 7:40
  more
• 7:41
  negative
• 7:41
  energy
• 7:42
  and
• 7:42
  more
• 7:42
  problems
• 7:43
  and
• 7:43
  creates
• 7:44
  less
• 7:44
  repair
• 7:45
  and
• 7:45
  creates
• 7:45
  less
• 7:46
  of
• 7:46
  a
• 7:46
  positive
• 7:47
  result?
• 7:47
  Right.
• 7:48
  As
• 7:48
  I
• 7:48
  discussed
• 7:49
  before,
• 7:49
  I
• 7:49
  am
• 7:50
  very
• 7:50
  much
• 7:50
  Interested
• 7:51
  in
• 7:51
  what
• 7:52
  is
• 7:52
  the
• 7:52
  result
• 7:52
  we're
• 7:53
  looking
• 7:53
  for.
• 7:53
  So
• 7:53
  let's
• 7:53
  look
• 7:54
  at
• 7:54
  knocking
• 7:54
  over
• 7:55
  a
• 7:55
  glass
• 7:55
  of
• 7:55
  water.
• 7:56
  So
• 7:56
  we
• 7:56
  knock
• 7:56
  over
• 7:57
  the
• 7:57
  glass,
• 7:57
  the
• 7:57
  glass
• 7:58
  breaks.
• 7:58
  There's
• 7:58
  glass
• 7:59
  everywhere.
• 7:59
  Did
• 7:59
  anybody
• 8:00
  die?
• 8:00
  Nope,
• 8:01
  everybody's
• 8:02
  still
• 8:02
  alive.
• 8:02
  Did
• 8:03
  anybody
• 8:03
  get
• 8:03
  injured
• 8:03
  in
• 8:04
  this
• 8:04
  case?
• 8:04
  Nope,
• 8:04
  nobody
• 8:05
  got
• 8:05
  injured.
• 8:05
  Does
• 8:06
  it
• 8:06
  take
• 8:06
  a
• 8:06
  while
• 8:06
  to
• 8:06
  clean
• 8:07
  up
• 8:07
  the
• 8:07
  mess?
• 8:07
  Yep,
• 8:08
  it's
• 8:08
  a
• 8:08
  pain
• 8:08
  in
• 8:08
  the
• 8:09
  ass.
• 8:09
  And
• 8:09
  I
• 8:09
  have
• 8:10
  to
• 8:10
  get
• 8:10
  out
• 8:10
  the
• 8:11
  vacuum
• 8:11
  and
• 8:11
  the
• 8:11
  towels
• 8:12
  and
• 8:12
  a
• 8:12
  broom.
• 8:12
  And
• 8:13
  we're
• 8:13
  going
• 8:13
  to
• 8:13
  have
• 8:13
  to
• 8:13
  make
• 8:14
  sure
• 8:14
  we
• 8:14
  have
• 8:14
  shoes
• 8:14
  on
• 8:15
  so
• 8:15
  we
• 8:15
  don't
• 8:15
  cut
• 8:15
  ourselves.
• 8:15
  But
• 8:16
  who,
• 8:16
  listening
• 8:17
  to
• 8:17
  this,
• 8:17
  has
• 8:17
  never
• 8:18
  broken
• 8:18
  a
• 8:18
  glass?
• 8:19
  I
• 8:20
  would
• 8:20
  suggest
• 8:21
  nobody.
• 8:22
  We've
• 8:22
  all
• 8:23
  broken
• 8:23
  them
• 8:24
  many
• 8:24
  times
• 8:24
  over
• 8:25
  the
• 8:25
  years.
• 8:26
  Is
• 8:26
  it
• 8:26
  carelessness
• 8:27
  that
• 8:27
  causes
• 8:27
  it?
• 8:28
  I
• 8:28
  don't
• 8:28
  know.
• 8:28
  Who
• 8:28
  cares?
• 8:29
  It's
• 8:30
  the
• 8:30
  wrong
• 8:30
  question
• 8:30
  to
• 8:31
  ask.
• 8:31
  The
• 8:32
  question
• 8:32
  to
• 8:32
  ask
• 8:32
  is,
• 8:33
  is
• 8:33
  this
• 8:33
  really
• 8:33
  a
• 8:33
  big
• 8:34
  deal?
• 8:34
  And
• 8:35
  the
• 8:35
  answer
• 8:35
  is,
• 8:35
  no,
• 8:36
  it's
• 8:36
  not
• 8:36
  a
• 8:36
  big
• 8:36
  deal.
• 8:37
  Now
• 8:37
  why
• 8:37
  does
• 8:37
  this
• 8:37
  matter?
• 8:38
  Why
• 8:38
  are
• 8:38
  we
• 8:38
  talking
• 8:38
  about
• 8:39
  a
• 8:39
  glass
• 8:39
  of
• 8:39
  water?
• 8:40
  Because
• 8:40
  how
• 8:40
  we
• 8:41
  do
• 8:41
  one
• 8:41
  thing
• 8:42
  is
• 8:42
  how
• 8:42
  we
• 8:42
  do
• 8:43
  everything.
• 8:44
  So
• 8:44
  let's
• 8:45
  say
• 8:45
  in
• 8:45
  your
• 8:45
  relationship,
• 8:47
  you
• 8:47
  have
• 8:47
  an
• 8:47
  affair.
• 8:48
  You
• 8:48
  have
• 8:49
  an
• 8:49
  emotional
• 8:49
  affair
• 8:49
  with
• 8:50
  somebody,
• 8:50
  you
• 8:50
  have
• 8:50
  an
• 8:50
  actual
• 8:50
  affair
• 8:51
  with
• 8:51
  somebody.
• 8:51
  Whose
• 8:52
  fault
• 8:52
  is
• 8:53
  that?
• 8:53
  It
• 8:54
  doesn't
• 8:54
  matter.
• 8:55
  That's
• 8:55
  the
• 8:55
  wrong
• 8:56
  question.
• 8:57
  What
• 8:57
  was
• 8:57
  really
• 8:57
  going
• 8:58
  on
• 8:58
  here?
• 8:59
  What
• 8:59
  was
• 8:59
  missing
• 8:59
  in
• 9:00
  the
• 9:00
  relationship?
• 9:00
  What
• 9:00
  was
• 9:01
  missing
• 9:01
  for
• 9:01
  me?
• 9:02
  What
• 9:02
  needs
• 9:02
  weren't
• 9:03
  being
• 9:03
  met
• 9:03
  in
• 9:03
  the
• 9:04
  relationship
• 9:04
  for
• 9:04
  them?
• 9:05
  For
• 9:05
  me,
• 9:06
  how
• 9:06
  did
• 9:06
  we
• 9:06
  get
• 9:06
  to
• 9:06
  this
• 9:07
  place
• 9:07
  is
• 9:07
  not
• 9:07
  about
• 9:08
  how
• 9:08
  do
• 9:08
  we
• 9:09
  attribute
• 9:09
  blame.
• 9:10
  Do
• 9:10
  you
• 9:10
  see
• 9:11
  what
• 9:11
  I'm
• 9:11
  saying?
• 9:11
  And
• 9:11
  you
• 9:11
  might
• 9:11
  be
• 9:12
  listening
• 9:12
  to
• 9:12
  this
• 9:12
  and
• 9:12
  it
• 9:13
  might
• 9:13
  be
• 9:13
  triggering
• 9:13
  for
• 9:13
  you
• 9:14
  because
• 9:14
  you
• 9:14
  might
• 9:14
  be
• 9:14
  the
• 9:14
  person
• 9:15
  that
• 9:15
  got
• 9:15
  cheated
• 9:15
  on,
• 9:16
  right?
• 9:16
  But
• 9:17
  even
• 9:17
  inside
• 9:17
  of
• 9:18
  that
• 9:18
  dynamic,
• 9:19
  which
• 9:19
  I've
• 9:19
  coached
• 9:20
  on
• 9:20
  both
• 9:20
  sides
• 9:21
  of
• 9:21
  this,
• 9:21
  even
• 9:22
  inside
• 9:22
  of
• 9:22
  that
• 9:22
  dynamic,
• 9:24
  it's
• 9:24
  not
• 9:24
  about
• 9:24
  whose
• 9:25
  fault
• 9:25
  is
• 9:25
  this,
• 9:26
  Because
• 9:26
  I
• 9:26
  see
• 9:26
  victims
• 9:27
  of
• 9:27
  infidelity,
• 9:28
  we'll
• 9:28
  call
• 9:28
  it
• 9:29
  that,
• 9:29
  using
• 9:30
  that
• 9:30
  against
• 9:30
  themselves
• 9:31
  and
• 9:31
  saying
• 9:32
  to
• 9:32
  themselves,
• 9:32
  well,
• 9:33
  I
• 9:33
  did
• 9:33
  something
• 9:34
  wrong.
• 9:34
  Something
• 9:34
  was
• 9:34
  missing
• 9:35
  in
• 9:35
  me.
• 9:35
  I
• 9:35
  wasn't
• 9:35
  beautiful
• 9:36
  enough.
• 9:36
  I
• 9:36
  wasn't
• 9:36
  attentive
• 9:37
  enough.
• 9:37
  Something
• 9:37
  is
• 9:38
  wrong
• 9:38
  with
• 9:38
  me.
• 9:38
  I
• 9:38
  wasn't
• 9:39
  worth
• 9:39
  enough.
• 9:40
  We
• 9:40
  start
• 9:40
  doing
• 9:41
  that,
• 9:41
  we
• 9:41
  just
• 9:41
  attribute
• 9:42
  so
• 9:42
  much
• 9:43
  blame.
• 9:44
  I
• 9:44
  see
• 9:44
  this
• 9:44
  happening
• 9:45
  when
• 9:45
  you
• 9:45
  lose
• 9:46
  a
• 9:46
  job.
• 9:46
  I
• 9:47
  see
• 9:47
  this
• 9:47
  happening
• 9:47
  when
• 9:48
  you
• 9:48
  have
• 9:48
  a
• 9:48
  fight
• 9:48
  with
• 9:49
  a
• 9:49
  child.
• 9:50
  We
• 9:50
  do
• 9:50
  this,
• 9:51
  and
• 9:51
  this
• 9:52
  is
• 9:52
  not
• 9:53
  helpful.
• 9:54
  So
• 9:55
  what
• 9:55
  if
• 9:56
  what
• 9:56
  you're
• 9:56
  thinking
• 9:57
  isn't
• 9:58
  a
• 9:58
  fact?
• 9:58
  What
• 9:59
  if
• 9:59
  facts
• 9:59
  aren't
• 10:00
  facts?
• 10:00
  And
• 10:00
  what
• 10:00
  if
• 10:01
  a
• 10:01
  lot
• 10:01
  of
• 10:01
  the
• 10:01
  times
• 10:02
  facts
• 10:03
  maybe
• 10:03
  don't
• 10:04
  matter?
• 10:04
  And
• 10:05
  here's
• 10:05
  what
• 10:05
  I
• 10:05
  mean,
• 10:06
  we
• 10:06
  can
• 10:07
  decide
• 10:08
  that
• 10:08
  it's
• 10:08
  a
• 10:08
  fact
• 10:08
  that
• 10:09
  I
• 10:09
  was
• 10:09
  clumsy,
• 10:10
  that
• 10:10
  I
• 10:11
  am
• 10:11
  a
• 10:11
  Narcissist,
• 10:12
  that
• 10:13
  I
• 10:13
  am
• 10:13
  a
• 10:13
  terrible
• 10:14
  person,
• 10:14
  that
• 10:15
  I
• 10:15
  am
• 10:15
  unattractive,
• 10:16
  that
• 10:16
  I
• 10:16
  don't
• 10:17
  know
• 10:17
  how
• 10:17
  to
• 10:18
  have
• 10:18
  a
• 10:18
  loving
• 10:19
  relationship,
• 10:19
  that
• 10:20
  I
• 10:20
  am
• 10:21
  lazy.
• 10:22
  Right.
• 10:22
  Whatever
• 10:23
  it
• 10:23
  is,
• 10:23
  I
• 10:23
  can
• 10:24
  believe
• 10:24
  those
• 10:24
  things
• 10:24
  about
• 10:25
  myself.
• 10:25
  But
• 10:26
  when
• 10:26
  I
• 10:26
  believe
• 10:27
  those
• 10:27
  things
• 10:27
  about
• 10:27
  myself,
• 10:28
  what
• 10:28
  does
• 10:28
  that
• 10:28
  create?
• 10:28
  Well,
• 10:29
  it
• 10:29
  creates
• 10:29
  shame.
• 10:30
  It
• 10:30
  creates
• 10:30
  guilt,
• 10:31
  mostly.
• 10:32
  Shame
• 10:33
  and
• 10:33
  guilt.
• 10:33
  What
• 10:33
  do
• 10:33
  shame
• 10:34
  and
• 10:34
  guilt
• 10:34
  like
• 10:34
  to
• 10:34
  do?
• 10:35
  Well,
• 10:35
  shame
• 10:35
  and
• 10:35
  guilt
• 10:35
  love
• 10:36
  to
• 10:36
  go
• 10:36
  and
• 10:36
  hide.
• 10:37
  So
• 10:38
  shame
• 10:38
  and
• 10:38
  guilt
• 10:38
  will
• 10:38
  go
• 10:39
  and
• 10:39
  try
• 10:40
  to
• 10:40
  disappear.
• 10:40
  And
• 10:41
  what
• 10:41
  that
• 10:41
  means
• 10:41
  is
• 10:41
  we
• 10:41
  will
• 10:41
  try
• 10:42
  to
• 10:42
  ride
• 10:42
  over
• 10:42
  it,
• 10:42
  we'll
• 10:42
  try
• 10:43
  to
• 10:43
  shove
• 10:43
  it
• 10:43
  away.
• 10:43
  We
• 10:43
  won't
• 10:44
  want
• 10:44
  to
• 10:44
  look
• 10:44
  at
• 10:44
  it
• 10:45
  because
• 10:45
  it's
• 10:46
  painful.
• 10:46
  If
• 10:46
  we
• 10:47
  look
• 10:47
  at
• 10:47
  it
• 10:47
  and
• 10:47
  we're
• 10:47
  beating
• 10:48
  the
• 10:48
  shit
• 10:48
  out
• 10:48
  of
• 10:48
  ourselves,
• 10:49
  that's
• 10:50
  so
• 10:50
  painful.
• 10:51
  So
• 10:51
  we
• 10:51
  will
• 10:51
  never
• 10:52
  solve
• 10:52
  it.
• 10:52
  Which
• 10:52
  the
• 10:53
  reality
• 10:53
  is,
• 10:54
  is
• 10:54
  can
• 10:54
  I
• 10:55
  move
• 10:55
  past
• 10:55
  this
• 10:55
  situation
• 10:56
  and
• 10:56
  move
• 10:56
  towards
• 10:57
  what's
• 10:57
  next?
• 10:58
  No
• 10:58
  matter
• 10:58
  how
• 10:58
  big
• 10:59
  or
• 10:59
  how
• 10:59
  small
• 11:00
  the
• 11:00
  problem
• 11:00
  is
• 11:00
  that
• 11:00
  you
• 11:01
  are
• 11:01
  looking
• 11:01
  at
• 11:02
  what
• 11:02
  happens
• 11:03
  next
• 11:03
  is
• 11:04
  going
• 11:04
  to
• 11:04
  define
• 11:04
  how
• 11:05
  confident
• 11:05
  you
• 11:05
  are.
• 11:06
  What
• 11:06
  happens
• 11:07
  next
• 11:07
  is
• 11:07
  going
• 11:07
  to
• 11:07
  define
• 11:08
  how
• 11:09
  you
• 11:09
  are
• 11:09
  experiencing
• 11:10
  yourself
• 11:11
  after
• 11:11
  this
• 11:11
  happens,
• 11:12
  what
• 11:12
  you're
• 11:12
  going
• 11:13
  to
• 11:13
  do
• 11:13
  next.
• 11:14
  When
• 11:14
  we
• 11:14
  are
• 11:15
  holding
• 11:15
  on
• 11:15
  to
• 11:15
  things
• 11:16
  as
• 11:16
  being
• 11:17
  blame
• 11:17
  based,
• 11:18
  fault
• 11:18
  based,
• 11:19
  these
• 11:20
  things
• 11:21
  don't
• 11:21
  serve
• 11:22
  us.
• 11:22
  So
• 11:23
  even
• 11:23
  if
• 11:23
  everybody
• 11:24
  in
• 11:24
  the
• 11:24
  world
• 11:24
  does
• 11:25
  agree
• 11:25
  that
• 11:25
  it's
• 11:26
  the
• 11:26
  truth,
• 11:26
  that
• 11:26
  you're
• 11:27
  a
• 11:27
  terrible
• 11:27
  person,
• 11:28
  you've
• 11:28
  got
• 11:29
  to
• 11:29
  ask
• 11:29
  yourself
• 11:29
  if
• 11:30
  it
• 11:30
  serves
• 11:31
  you
• 11:32
  to
• 11:32
  believe
• 11:32
  that.
• 11:33
  And
• 11:33
  the
• 11:33
  answer,
• 11:34
  my
• 11:34
  friend,
• 11:34
  is
• 11:34
  always
• 11:35
  no.
• 11:36
  A
• 11:36
  lot
• 11:36
  of
• 11:36
  times
• 11:36
  what
• 11:37
  we
• 11:37
  think
• 11:37
  is,
• 11:37
  oh,
• 11:38
  but
• 11:38
  actually
• 11:39
  though,
• 11:39
  then
• 11:39
  if
• 11:40
  I
• 11:40
  think
• 11:40
  I'm
• 11:40
  a
• 11:40
  terrible
• 11:41
  person,
• 11:41
  then
• 11:41
  I'll
• 11:41
  do
• 11:42
  better.
• 11:42
  I've
• 11:43
  never
• 11:43
  seen
• 11:43
  that
• 11:44
  work,
• 11:44
  not
• 11:44
  one
• 11:44
  time.
• 11:45
  Instead,
• 11:46
  what
• 11:46
  ends
• 11:46
  up
• 11:46
  happening
• 11:47
  is
• 11:47
  our
• 11:48
  confidence
• 11:48
  devolves.
• 11:49
  We
• 11:49
  are
• 11:50
  messy
• 11:50
  in
• 11:50
  the
• 11:50
  way
• 11:51
  that
• 11:51
  we
• 11:51
  interact
• 11:51
  with
• 11:51
  other
• 11:52
  people.
• 11:52
  We
• 11:52
  are
• 11:53
  not
• 11:53
  able
• 11:54
  to
• 11:54
  hold
• 11:55
  ourselves
• 11:55
  up
• 11:56
  and
• 11:56
  we
• 11:56
  need
• 11:57
  other
• 11:57
  people
• 11:57
  to
• 11:57
  do
• 11:58
  it
• 11:58
  for
• 11:58
  us.
• 11:59
  We
• 11:59
  don't
• 11:59
  want
• 12:00
  that.
• 12:00
  Whether
• 12:01
  you
• 12:01
  are
• 12:01
  the
• 12:01
  person
• 12:02
  that
• 12:02
  made
• 12:02
  the
• 12:03
  actual
• 12:03
  mistake
• 12:03
  or,
• 12:04
  or
• 12:04
  not,
• 12:05
  we
• 12:06
  don't
• 12:06
  want
• 12:06
  that.
• 12:06
  It
• 12:07
  doesn't
• 12:07
  help
• 12:07
  you,
• 12:07
  it
• 12:08
  doesn't
• 12:08
  help
• 12:08
  the
• 12:08
  situation.
• 12:09
  Nobody
• 12:09
  grows,
• 12:10
  nobody
• 12:10
  gets
• 12:10
  better
• 12:10
  through
• 12:11
  that.
• 12:12
  Instead,
• 12:12
  we
• 12:12
  need
• 12:13
  to
• 12:13
  learn
• 12:13
  how
• 12:14
  to
• 12:14
  have
• 12:14
  our
• 12:14
  own
• 12:14
  back.
• 12:15
  And
• 12:15
  that
• 12:15
  means
• 12:16
  that
• 12:16
  the
• 12:16
  story
• 12:16
  we
• 12:17
  tell
• 12:17
  about
• 12:17
  ourselves,
• 12:18
  we
• 12:18
  need
• 12:19
  to
• 12:19
  be
• 12:20
  the
• 12:20
  protagonist.
• 12:21
  We
• 12:21
  need
• 12:22
  to
• 12:22
  be
• 12:22
  the
• 12:22
  protagonist.
• 12:23
  Yeah,
• 12:24
  I
• 12:24
  spilled
• 12:24
  water.
• 12:25
  It
• 12:25
  happens.
• 12:26
  Yeah,
• 12:27
  I
• 12:27
  made
• 12:27
  a
• 12:27
  mistake.
• 12:27
  I
• 12:28
  really
• 12:28
  up.
• 12:29
  It
• 12:29
  happens.
• 12:30
  But
• 12:31
  I'm
• 12:31
  the
• 12:32
  kind
• 12:32
  of
• 12:32
  person
• 12:32
  that
• 12:33
  sometimes
• 12:33
  makes
• 12:34
  mistakes
• 12:34
  like
• 12:34
  everybody
• 12:35
  else.
• 12:35
  And
• 12:36
  I
• 12:36
  can
• 12:36
  move
• 12:36
  forward,
• 12:37
  I
• 12:38
  can
• 12:38
  take
• 12:38
  the
• 12:38
  next
• 12:38
  steps.
• 12:39
  I
• 12:39
  cannot
• 12:39
  make
• 12:39
  it
• 12:39
  mean
• 12:39
  anything
• 12:40
  about
• 12:40
  me.
• 12:40
  I
• 12:41
  don't
• 12:41
  need
• 12:41
  to
• 12:41
  have
• 12:41
  this
• 12:42
  devolve
• 12:42
  inside
• 12:43
  of
• 12:43
  my
• 12:43
  own
• 12:43
  mind.
• 12:44
  This
• 12:44
  is
• 12:44
  available
• 12:45
  to
• 12:45
  you.
• 12:46
  This
• 12:46
  is
• 12:46
  available
• 12:46
  to
• 12:47
  everyone.
• 12:48
  Instead
• 12:48
  of
• 12:49
  I
• 12:49
  need
• 12:49
  to
• 12:49
  place
• 12:50
  blame
• 12:50
  on
• 12:50
  myself
• 12:51
  or
• 12:51
  others.
• 12:52
  How
• 12:52
  do
• 12:53
  I
• 12:53
  move
• 12:53
  forward?
• 12:54
  What
• 12:54
  do
• 12:54
  I
• 12:54
  need
• 12:55
  right
• 12:55
  in
• 12:55
  this
• 12:55
  moment?
• 12:56
  How
• 12:56
  do
• 12:56
  I
• 12:56
  regulate
• 12:57
  my
• 12:57
  nervous
• 12:57
  system?
• 12:58
  How
• 12:58
  do
• 12:58
  I
• 12:58
  handle
• 12:59
  myself
• 12:59
  emotionally?
• 13:00
  What
• 13:00
  am
• 13:00
  I
• 13:00
  gonna
• 13:01
  think
• 13:01
  about
• 13:01
  on
• 13:01
  purpose
• 13:02
  here
• 13:02
  to
• 13:02
  move
• 13:02
  forward,
• 13:03
  create
• 13:03
  more
• 13:03
  love,
• 13:04
  create
• 13:04
  more
• 13:05
  connection,
• 13:05
  create
• 13:06
  more
• 13:06
  growth,
• 13:07
  create
• 13:07
  more
• 13:07
  of
• 13:07
  what
• 13:08
  I
• 13:08
  want
• 13:08
  in
• 13:08
  my
• 13:08
  life.
• 13:09
  We
• 13:09
  move
• 13:10
  towards
• 13:10
  something
• 13:11
  purposefully.
• 13:12
  So
• 13:13
  my
• 13:13
  friends,
• 13:13
  this
• 13:13
  is
• 13:13
  what
• 13:13
  I've
• 13:14
  got.
• 13:15
  Short
• 13:15
  episode.
• 13:15
  I
• 13:16
  gotta
• 13:16
  jump
• 13:16
  on
• 13:16
  a
• 13:16
  client
• 13:17
  call.
• 13:17
  But
• 13:17
  listen,
• 13:18
  if
• 13:18
  you
• 13:18
  wanna
• 13:19
  talk
• 13:19
  this
• 13:19
  through,
• 13:19
  we
• 13:19
  can
• 13:20
  do
• 13:20
  it
• 13:20
  on
• 13:20
  a
• 13:20
  discovery
• 13:21
  call.
• 13:21
  It's
• 13:21
  always
• 13:21
  available
• 13:22
  to
• 13:22
  you.
• 13:22
  You
• 13:23
  can
• 13:23
  go
• 13:23
  to
• 13:23
  amandahest
• 13:24
  ca
• 13:25
  bookacall.
• 13:26
  I
• 13:26
  would
• 13:26
  love
• 13:26
  to
• 13:26
  talk
• 13:26
  about
• 13:27
  it
• 13:27
  with
• 13:27
  you.
• 13:28
  A
• 13:28
  judgment
• 13:29
  free
• 13:29
  space
• 13:29
  to
• 13:29
  really
• 13:30
  explore
• 13:31
  what
• 13:31
  if
• 13:32
  what
• 13:32
  you
• 13:32
  think
• 13:32
  about
• 13:32
  yourself
• 13:33
  is
• 13:33
  an
• 13:33
  effect.
• 13:34
  All
• 13:34
  right,
• 13:35
  see
• 13:35
  you
• 13:35
  here
• 13:35
  next
• 13:36
  time.
• 13:36
  Bye
• 13:36
  for
• 13:36
  now.
• 13:39
  Thanks
• 13:39
  so
• 13:40
  much
• 13:40
  for
• 13:40
  listening
• 13:40
  today.
• 13:41
  If
• 13:41
  this
• 13:42
  podcast
• 13:42
  is
• 13:42
  helping
• 13:43
  you,
• 13:43
  please
• 13:43
  follow
• 13:43
  wherever
• 13:44
  you
• 13:44
  listen
• 13:45
  and
• 13:45
  consider
• 13:45
  leaving
• 13:46
  a
• 13:46
  review.
• 13:46
  It
• 13:47
  truly
• 13:47
  helps
• 13:47
  this
• 13:48
  community
• 13:48
  grow
• 13:48
  and
• 13:49
  allows
• 13:49
  me
• 13:49
  to
• 13:50
  support
• 13:50
  more
• 13:51
  women
• 13:51
  like
• 13:51
  you.
• 13:52
  I'm
• 13:53
  excited
• 13:53
  to
• 13:53
  see
• 13:53
  you
• 13:54
  back
• 13:54
  here
• 13:54
  next
• 13:54
  week
• 13:55
  with
• 13:55
  a
• 13:55
  brand
• 13:55
  new
• 13:55
  episode.
• 13:56
  Until
• 13:57
  then,
• 13:57
  take
• 13:58
  care
• 13:58
  friend.