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Can You Accept Yourself and Make Room for Change? with Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Everyone, it's Curly here for this week's Mojo Monday. So
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: today I'm going to talk about a tension that almost
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: all of us feels, and this is around acceptance because
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  Speaker 1: on one hand, where there's a message out there to
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  Speaker 1: accept ourselves just as we are, and then on the
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: other we're encouraged to grow and change and become better
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. And that can feel a little bit
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  Speaker 1: confusing because if I accept myself wholeheartedly, why would I
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: need to change? And if I want to change, doesn't
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  Speaker 1: that mean that I'm not accepting myself. So there lies
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  Speaker 1: the tension, and this tension sits right at the heart
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: of personal growth. So in act acceptance, commitment therapy. Acceptance
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  Speaker 1: isn't about resignation, it's not about giving up. It's not
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  Speaker 1: about saying this is who I am. End of story.
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  Speaker 1: Acceptance is really a non judgmental truth about where you're
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  Speaker 1: at right now. So it's an acknowledgment of your thoughts
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  Speaker 1: and emotions and habits and patterns and skill set without
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  Speaker 1: attacking yourself for them, without trying to get rid of
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  Speaker 1: the thoughts and feelings first, or the habits, without waiting
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  Speaker 1: to feel different before taking action, and This is where
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  Speaker 1: self compassion plays a huge role in acceptance, because when
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  Speaker 1: we meet ourselves with compassion, we stop wasting energy on
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  Speaker 1: the self criticism and the shame, and then that's when
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  Speaker 1: we often when change becomes more possible, not less. But
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  Speaker 1: the confusion around acceptance can really turn into a barrier
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  Speaker 1: for growth because sometimes acceptance gets tangled up with identity,
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  Speaker 1: so we start saying things like I think we all
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  Speaker 1: know somebody who does have this sort of language of well,
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  Speaker 1: this is just who I am. I've always been like this.
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  Speaker 1: I can't change in at language. This is a form
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  Speaker 1: of fusion with a story about the self. So it's
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  Speaker 1: not self awareness, but it's more self definition. Because when
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  Speaker 1: we fuse with a fixed idea of who we are,
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  Speaker 1: it can really shrink our lives and shrink our sense
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  Speaker 1: of what's possible. We confuse observing ourselves with being that
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  Speaker 1: version of our selves forever, even if it's not working
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  Speaker 1: for us. So acceptance was never meant to put us
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  Speaker 1: in this place of stagnation. We are like a flowing river,
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  Speaker 1: forever changing and evolving, and acceptance can free us from
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  Speaker 1: fighting ourselves long enough to choose our direction. And this
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  Speaker 1: is where purposeful living comes in because it sits right here.
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  Speaker 1: You don't approach change because you're flawed or different or
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  Speaker 1: anything is wrong with you. You change because something matters.
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  Speaker 1: So our values and our purpose pull us forward, not
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  Speaker 1: the pressure to change, or the self judgment or the comparison.
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  Speaker 1: In act, growth is about taking small, meaningful actions in
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  Speaker 1: the direction of the person that you want to be,
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  Speaker 1: even when old patterns and difficult feelings show up. So
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  Speaker 1: acceptance answers the question what's here right now? And then
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  Speaker 1: values and purpose answers the question what do I choose
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  Speaker 1: to do next? And growth lives in that space between
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  Speaker 1: those two. So if you ever feel stuck between accepting
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  Speaker 1: yourself for who you are right now and wanting to change,
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  Speaker 1: remember this acceptance is not the opposite of growth. It's
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  Speaker 1: the foundation that makes growth sustainable. You're allowed to feel
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  Speaker 1: compassionate with who you are today and still take steps
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  Speaker 1: towards who you're becoming, and that is not a contradiction.
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  Speaker 1: That is being human. So have a great wake everyone.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Hope that's been helpful. I'll catch you next week. See ya.