013. You Can't Forgive What's Still Going On

Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner: Relational Recovery When You Have CPTSD · Nov 12, 2026 · 49m

You can't forgive what is still going on. I heard that line in a training this morning and it stopped me, because it explains why so many of us get stuck trying to forgive someone before the harm has actually ended, and why forgiveness, grief, and compassion are not three separate tasks but one sequence.

In this episode I walk through that sequence as I've come to understand it in my own healing and in the work I do with students:

This is no longer happening.

I accept the cost of what has already happened.

I grieve what I will never get, what was permanently taken because this happened.

I…