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The Gap Between What We Say and How We Live · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for October 27, 2026 The Gap Between What We Say and How
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  We Live Yesterday I talked about figuring out what matters.
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  I proposed a few tiers rather than enumerated lists.
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  If you have decided what is in first tier and what is less important,
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  the next step is to examine your life and see how well, or poorly,
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  it reflects those ideals.
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  I recently had someone who says they are a Christian tell me that they are okay
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  with what amounts to the CliffsNotes version of the Bible.
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  What's more, they just don't have the time to verify it's accurate.
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  They would likely tell you that following Jesus is a tier one thing for them,
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  but their life tells a different story.
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  As you can imagine, Lori and I have experienced the same thing from men and
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  women who say their spouse is a very high priority.
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  If they don't live that out, their spouse is not fooled by their claim.
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  There are places where not living up to what we say is important will bite us.
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  Your employer, for example, will not be okay with you doing a halfway job.
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  If you are the employer, your employees don't want a sign telling them how much
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  they matter. They want to know that based on how you treat them.
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  Your friends are much the same. Ignore them or give them leftovers,
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  and they will become distant.
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  God will nudge you if you're not living what you claim, but he won't push.
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  You can wander if you want.
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  Your spouse will make a fuss for a while, but if you don't change,
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  they will give up and grow away from you.
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  Your kids have limited options, most of which show as discipline problems.
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  Your dog will probably love you regardless of your failures,
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  while your cat will show disdain regardless. Just saying.
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  The bottom line is that most of life won't sound an alarm when you stop giving
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  your priorities the attention they deserve.
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  And much of what will give you a hint will do it in a way that can be easily
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  dismissed as being something else.
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  You can wander a long way from doing what you say is important to you without
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  being hit in the face by it.
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  Often when it gets bad enough you can't ignore it, you've made a real mess.
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  Want to check yourself with regard to your marriage? Ask your spouse,
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  do you know I love you? And follow it with, do I show that love well?
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  Ask the same questions about respect, about what they think and do being important
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  to you, and if you seem to value them.
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  And of course, thank them for their honesty, even if you don't like what you hear.
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  This is Paul, and sometimes doing marriage well involves difficult questions.