Latest / Questionable Detour / Using a school bus to stop crime, letting dangerous animals out into a city, and becoming a Pharoah.

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Using a school bus to stop crime, letting dangerous animals out into a city, and becoming a Pharoah. · Questionable Detour

0:00
Excuse me, what is going on here?
0:04
But first we're gonna make a little detour.
0:09
So absurd, so questionable.
0:12
Yeah, I guess we're just the weirdos.
0:15
Expect the detour.
0:24
It's said that hard work brings success.
0:28
And nobody's harder working than this podcast here at the Questionable Detour Studios.
0:33
How hard have you worked this week, Evan, on this podcast?
0:36
When's the last time you thought about this podcast?
0:38
I've been putting the time in, day in, day out, and it's been about...
0:44
Ten minutes.
0:44
Ten, fifteen minutes now?
0:46
Yeah, since you walked in here.
0:47
Yeah.
0:47
How about you, Alan?
0:48
I'm looking at Evan's brow.
0:50
I can see a few beads of sweat.
0:52
I can see some creases of just...
0:54
They're thought creases, you know, of his cinched brow.
0:57
Now, let me tell you, it may only be ten to fifteen minutes,
1:00
but this is the hardest ten to fifteen minutes of my entire week.
1:04
I haven't thought as much as I have in these last ten to fifteen minutes,
1:07
and we haven't even started yet.
1:08
You don't consistently think for ten or fifteen minutes any other time in the week.
1:12
It's just for this.
1:13
No, I can feel the steam building, like, within my head.
1:17
Well, I don't think our listeners know, but Evan is our set-up tech whiz.
1:22
He gets in here just, some say hours, some say mere minutes before we record.
1:28
Sometimes I'm showing up and it has not been set up.
1:32
Sometimes Evan's passed out on the floor when we get here,
1:36
but he always manages to get this thing set up.
1:39
It's like a... not a well-oiled machine.
1:41
What do you call a machine that's not well-oiled?
1:45
Well, the point is, we work hard and hard work brings success,
1:49
and I would like to announce that the Question Will Detour Podcast is top fifty.
1:55
Top fifty in South Africa.
1:58
Man.
1:58
South Africa, thank you.
1:59
South Africa, I want to say one thing to you.
2:01
Say one thing.
2:02
That one thing is...
2:07
Okay.
2:09
No, yeah, we did it.
2:10
You didn't say it, you just thought it though.
2:11
Yeah, I was like praying, and I had closed my eyes and kind of connected with it.
2:14
Oh, okay. Amen, then I guess.
2:16
I don't know.
2:16
Sure, yeah.
2:17
Well, I just thank you, South Africa, for making us top fifty.
2:22
Maybe we'll do a meet and greet in Johannesburg.
2:25
You know, we'll go to a hotel lobby, just set out some tables.
2:29
It'll be one of those sad things.
2:30
You know when you expect something to be grand, you get in there,
2:33
and there's like three people in line, and it's just like tables with no tablecloth.
2:38
We rented the ballroom number two at the Holiday Inn.
2:41
It's got those really uncomfortable chairs and a couple of folding tables.
2:45
And there's really no way to get there.
2:47
We haven't decorated at all.
2:48
No, no.
2:49
It's just... our signs are just handwritten.
2:52
We're very jet lagged.
2:56
Just miserable.
2:57
We keep asking people, where is South Africa on the map?
3:00
Like, how did we get here?
3:02
Where are we?
3:03
And the room's still dirty from the public speaking class that just wrapped up in that room.
3:07
Yeah.
3:08
So we think our first live event should be in South Africa.
3:10
You know, top 50 is a big deal.
3:13
That's a real stat.
3:14
Like, it's a real stat online that we have come to know this past week.
3:18
I think that that really says, America, step it up.
3:22
We live here.
3:23
Yeah.
3:23
We're not even from South Africa.
3:26
What are you doing, America?
3:27
But thank you, South Africa.
3:29
The stat was also, we're the top 250 in Norway.
3:32
So thank you, Norway.
3:34
Thank you, South Africa.
3:35
The top 250 in Norway, so thank you, Norwegian people.
3:39
Mm-hmm.
3:39
You know, it's funny.
3:40
I wonder if this was done on purpose, but these are two countries that we can't imitate.
3:44
We can't do their accent.
3:45
Yeah, they're two countries.
3:47
We can't do their accent and don't have, like, really highlighted stereotypes to make fun of.
3:52
No.
3:52
And maybe that's why they listen to us.
3:55
They feel...
3:55
We have not offended them.
3:56
They're the only people we can't reach.
3:57
They feel really safe.
3:58
They're just right outside of our swinging distance.
4:06
Keep dodging our punches.
4:07
Yeah.
4:09
But I want to name off some very fun stats about South Africa, some fun facts,
4:15
to really show our South African friends that we know a lot about them.
4:19
And here's some South African facts.
4:21
And this is facts that you knew before today.
4:25
I have delved into my wellspring of South African knowledge,
4:30
and I have pulled up just books, manuscripts of South African information.
4:37
Here we go.
4:37
You all ready for this?
4:38
South Africa is a country in the southernmost tip of the African continent,
4:44
marked by several distinct ecosystems.
4:46
Inland Safari destination Cougar National Park is populated by big game.
4:51
The Western Cape offers beaches, lush winelands, and Stellenbach,
4:56
and pearl craggy cliffs off the Cape of Good Hope.
4:59
There's no way you said that right.
5:01
No.
5:02
I think Good Hope is the only thing you said correctly.
5:07
Forests and lagoons along the garden route and the city of Cape Town
5:13
beneath the flat top table mountains.
5:16
Wow.
5:17
It was like you were reading from a script.
5:19
I just it's because I know so much about South Africa.
5:23
There is 81% black, 82% colored.
5:29
No, it does not say that.
5:30
I swear to God, it says that.
5:33
7.3% white and 2.7% Asian.
5:38
It has an area of 1,221,037 kilometers.
5:44
That means absolutely nothing to us because we don't know what kilometers are.
5:47
It has a population as of 2022 of 62,027,503 and has a GDP of 997 billion.
5:57
Those are all great.
5:58
Those are all great facts.
5:59
I knew off the top of my head.
6:01
Man, wow.
6:01
That's great.
6:02
Hey, South Africa, you can never say you don't have a friend.
6:05
And for those that couldn't see,
6:06
Zach kind of just closed his eyes there for a second and went to,
6:10
what is a trance like state?
6:12
Yeah.
6:12
Mind palace.
6:13
And maybe it sounded like he was reading from a script and maybe that's because he was,
6:19
but it was a script in his own head.
6:20
Yeah.
6:20
He was reading straight from those texts.
6:22
It was my brain script.
6:23
Yeah.
6:23
I would say step aside, Morgan Freeman.
6:25
There's a new narrator in town.
6:28
Yeah.
6:28
I don't want to offer one more fact about South Africa.
6:30
Give us a fact about South Africa.
6:32
Their largest export is tigers, I think.
6:34
You're legitimately not reading.
6:37
How many tigers per capita do they have?
6:40
They have three tigers per 100,000 people.
6:44
Okay.
6:44
So whatever that ratio is to you, that's what the fact is.
6:48
Thank you.
6:48
Okay.
6:49
They have more grass than they do people.
6:52
That's another fact.
6:52
That actually might be true.
6:54
Actually, I'm getting this in real quick.
6:57
Hot off the facts, South Africans, they only drink salt water.
7:01
Did y'all know that?
7:03
They can do brackish if they have to, but it's mainly salt water.
7:09
You're muddying my facts.
7:11
You're muddying my facts.
7:13
Okay.
7:13
My facts were factual.
7:16
You're just creating stereotypes.
7:18
Now the whole world is going to think that South Africans drink salt water.
7:22
Now, Evan, this little delivery boy in a weird uniform just came over and gave you a note.
7:27
Short swords.
7:28
What?
7:29
And I can see the word South African written on it.
7:33
What else does that note say?
7:35
So this weird little delivery man, this note that he...
7:41
With an ascot.
7:44
Little sailor hat.
7:46
Don't know how he got in my house, but glad to have him because this note here,
7:50
it says South Africans are famous because they used to live in Antarctica.
7:57
What a weird note.
7:58
What a weird note.
7:59
I had no clue that was true.
8:01
What kind of weird subscription service have you subscribed to?
8:05
You have a little man, just a little guy, come and give you just random facts.
8:11
When knowledge is power, you subscribe to anything you can.
8:13
Yeah.
8:14
That power.
8:14
I'm always hungry for it.
8:15
You're like, I'm not using the internet.
8:17
I'm using a little man in some tight shorts to bring me facts.
8:22
I really, I didn't know they were migratory people.
8:26
They're migratory.
8:27
That means they go back to South, they would go back to Antarctica.
8:30
They cross the ocean whenever they feel necessary.
8:32
I don't know if they're trying to escape the winter or the summer, but...
8:37
I'm sure it's for mating purposes.
8:38
They just go.
8:39
Yeah.
8:40
I'm sure that's what they do for mating purposes.
8:42
What with the amount of tigers they have per person?
8:44
Yeah, it's hard to mate when there's three tigers per a hundred thousand people.
8:49
And we all know at any given time, there's a hundred thousand people mating.
8:52
Just one time in one place.
8:54
Just out there.
8:55
One building.
8:56
One room.
8:57
Where have you been hanging out?
8:59
Have that little messenger boy come give you that fact.
9:04
But anyway, South Africa, thank you.
9:07
This is a South African appreciation episode because top 50, that's a big deal.
9:12
Let's give it up for South Africa.
9:13
Give it up for South Africa.
9:14
Thank you, everyone.
9:15
Wow.
9:15
Thanks.
9:16
South Africa, thank y'all.
9:17
Do y'all want to like give a speech, maybe a success speech?
9:20
I do want to save my speech for top 40.
9:22
I think it'll just mean a little bit more than...
9:24
Okay.
9:24
Just because I have so much to say and so much love for South Africa that it's kind
9:28
of just stored up inside me.
9:30
I'm holding it in for 10 more spots.
9:32
Okay.
9:32
Okay.
9:33
Do you want to have a cheap way to get out of this, like Evan?
9:37
No, I think I'm going to step up to the plate.
9:38
Okay, step up to the plate.
9:41
You know, I've never in my life considered South Africa as a place.
9:49
It's never crossed my trance.
9:51
It's never crossed my transom. I've never really considered it at all.
9:55
Which unlike you, I know you have.
9:57
Yeah, I've only considered South Africa.
9:58
Many times.
9:59
But now I come to see their value.
10:02
With the amount of tigers that they have and their ability to drink salt water, I think that...
10:10
I just...
10:11
I really see the importance that they give.
10:14
That was a heck of a speech there, bud.
10:16
It was.
10:17
It was.
10:17
That was really good.
10:18
You said a lot without saying anything.
10:20
Yeah, it was just a bunch of words strung together.
10:24
Some might say that it ended abruptly.
10:27
Some might say it started abruptly.
10:29
Some might say the whole thing was abrupt.
10:31
Yeah.
10:32
A lot of people just would say, that's not what I'm going to do here.
10:35
I'm going to save it for top 40.
10:36
Okay, save it for top 40.
10:38
You hear that, South Africa?
10:39
If you want Evan to give a speech, if you want to hear more from Evan...
10:44
Which everyone does.
10:45
Which everyone does.
10:46
Get us in the top 40.
10:47
Whatever. Tell your friends, tell your mates.
10:49
I assume you use that word there.
10:51
Tell your mates about Questionable Detour podcast, and you'll get to hear Evan talk more.
10:58
What everybody's dying for.
11:00
But thank you, South Africa.
11:02
And welcome to Questionable Detour.
11:04
Let's do some hypotheticals.
11:05
Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract, purely hypothetical question?
11:10
I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question.
11:13
Well, that's a hypothetical question.
11:16
So today for our hypothetical, we have a cute little scenario.
11:22
Cute.
11:23
About our professions.
11:25
And I know we're all just secure and non-problematic drivers.
11:31
So no one should have an issue with us getting behind the wheel of, say, a school bus,
11:35
and maybe directing around a bus full of children.
11:40
So what would you do in that scenario where you are a school bus driver?
11:45
We should mention that we love kids, but not too much.
11:49
But more than we love kids, though, we love having a CDL.
11:53
Which means we can drive that bus.
11:54
Thank you for bringing up that, Alan.
11:56
Alan is famous.
11:58
Famous in South Africa for his understandings of how acronyms work.
12:04
So go ahead and give us what CDL stands for to you.
12:08
Now, remember, Alan, that's three letters.
12:10
It stands for Chronic Dynamic Lumps.
12:19
And how does that help you drive?
12:22
It's a it's a actually it's like a bowel movement
12:26
that provides you with such discomfort that you will get to your destination no matter what.
12:32
And fast.
12:33
And you will get there fast in the most efficient way possible
12:36
because you've got to go and you're not going to go in that bus full of kids.
12:41
And the government mandates that they do.
12:44
They're like, please, I need you to take dumps every five minutes.
12:48
Tell me you haven't looked at it and we're not coming at truck drivers today.
12:52
That's not what that's not what the segment's about.
12:54
But tell me you had a reason.
12:55
But tell me you hadn't looked at a truck driver and been like, yeah,
12:58
but I bet he's ran to the bathroom before.
13:00
I bet he's I bet he's ran a red light to go go get rid of a chilly dog.
13:06
I bet he is double parked to run into a Wal-Mart to destroy a bathroom.
13:11
You know, he left that thing running too.
13:14
But you got to think, though, if you do have a CDL, a chronic dynamic lumps,
13:20
everybody on your bus will arrive safely.
13:22
Now, everybody not on your bus, though, probably probably not so much.
13:27
That's true.
13:27
Yeah, you're going to you're going to probably call some traffic issues, but
13:31
you'll T-bone a van full of a family.
13:33
Yeah, but you know, you've got the license.
13:35
I mean, they do do it.
13:38
Yeah.
13:38
The cop pulls you over and like, sir, did you do you know what you just did?
13:42
Say, well, you manslaughtered a family of five and you pull out that chronic
13:47
dynamic lump card with your stupid government picture on it.
13:53
You're like, sir, take a look at this.
13:55
He's like, I'm sorry.
13:56
I'm sorry.
13:57
You're your service dog for chronic dynamic lumps.
14:00
Yeah.
14:00
Yeah.
14:00
What does he do?
14:01
What's the service dog do?
14:02
The service dog is not actually a dog.
14:04
It's a person dressed in a dog costume.
14:07
And he just whispers in your ear.
14:09
He's like, hey, man, you're doing great.
14:11
We're almost home.
14:14
And man, I bet that cop sees you and your chronic dynamic lump license
14:20
and your dog, man, and goes, I'm sorry, your honor.
14:23
He goes on your way.
14:25
You tell him, you know, the stop that you just did this cost me.
14:28
As you make a puddle around yourself.
14:37
But back to the point, I guess.
14:40
What do you all do as bus drivers?
14:42
When I drive that, that big yellow dog, I'm a really offended bus driver.
14:47
You're offended.
14:48
Like you're offended.
14:49
Okay.
14:49
I got a lot of, I got a lot of things that offend me.
14:52
Very insecure.
14:53
What really offends me though is the song, the wheels on the bus go round
14:58
and round.
14:58
Okay.
14:59
I guess it begs the question.
15:00
Why?
15:00
I absolutely hate it.
15:02
I think that, I think that we went too far when we invented the wheel.
15:06
I think that instead of wheels, I think that the children should just carry the bus.
15:12
So like what I imagine is like a, um, an old Roman emperor, you know,
15:18
big sticks under the bus and kids on each side, lifting those sticks.
15:22
Like the, the, the Palin keen, um, situation.
15:25
Yeah, exactly.
15:26
Yeah.
15:26
That's it.
15:27
Yeah.
15:27
And you think, you think the kids should do that and why, why do you think that?
15:31
Well, mainly because I don't really want them inside my bus.
15:36
They're super annoying.
15:38
They're loud and they always leave their trash everywhere.
15:42
I think that they're better suited outside doing manual labor and getting the bus and me
15:49
where we need to go.
15:50
Yeah.
15:50
Which is to their house, which means by the time you drop off the last kid,
15:55
you're just kind of sitting there in a bus without wheels.
15:57
Really?
15:58
No, they don't, they don't get to go home like that.
16:00
Oh, they, they drop me off at the house and then they have to walk home.
16:04
Okay.
16:05
You have a real Egyptian Pharaoh thing going here.
16:09
Do you dress up in Egyptian Pharaoh attire?
16:11
Yeah.
16:12
Yeah.
16:12
I have a, I have one of those little Pharaoh goatees.
16:15
Yeah.
16:15
Yeah.
16:16
Not, not grown from my face, but, uh, taped crudely to it.
16:20
Just some pair that you got like from a wig.
16:23
Some weird eyeliner.
16:24
Um, the outside of the bus, did you like reshape it into the Sphinx or something?
16:30
Yeah, we're working on that.
16:32
They've got those really old scaffolding all around it and they're,
16:35
they're sitting there kind of not slaving away,
16:40
not slaving away, but they're working real hard.
16:44
Now pay.
16:46
Well, they get to go home.
16:48
Easy.
16:48
Technically, right?
16:49
Like they get, they get to go home.
16:51
Yeah.
16:52
Do you call the bus your sphincter?
16:54
Ooh, like kids, let's lift up my sphincter.
16:57
Sphinx-ter.
16:58
Yeah.
16:58
The Sphinx-ter.
17:00
Oh God.
17:01
What else could they call it?
17:02
No, you don't try to stop looking for other things.
17:05
That's what it says on the site, you know, on the side of a normal school bus,
17:08
it'll give it school and county that it's in, you know, uh, it just says big black letters,
17:14
sphincter.
17:14
Yeah.
17:15
I guess, I guess it does.
17:18
You always got kids lifting up your sphincter.
17:20
Oh, is that what that was?
17:22
Is that what that was?
17:24
That what I'm hearing right now?
17:26
They just call it, um, they don't call it the sphincter.
17:29
They, they just call it, they just call it the Sphinx.
17:32
Now the sphincter may be like a fun play on words that they use when they're,
17:36
you know, talking amongst their friends.
17:38
Yeah.
17:39
But legally that's not what we call it.
17:41
Okay.
17:42
I assume you don't appreciate when they call it that seeing as they're mocking you.
17:47
And as the Pharaoh of this bus of the sphincter, how do you handle that?
17:52
How do you handle in support nation?
17:53
Uh, I call my overseers over and I say, I have overseers.
17:57
Yeah.
17:57
It's usually like the, some of the older children in the class.
18:00
Okay.
18:00
I see.
18:01
Is that a rebellion?
18:03
Is that a rebellion below us?
18:05
Take care of that.
18:07
He just goes and just beats a tar out of these guys.
18:10
Just with rods.
18:11
He has a bunch of pool noodles.
18:14
He doesn't actually, he doesn't actually hurt them, but it's, it's the,
18:17
the thought that something might happen.
18:19
It's a message.
18:20
Yeah.
18:20
You're just sending a message.
18:21
How do you, how do you feel about Jews?
18:23
Great guys.
18:24
Okay.
18:24
Okay.
18:24
I just, you know, why do you, what do you ask Egyptians?
18:27
Egyptians just kind of have a storied history with the Jewish people.
18:30
So I just didn't know if you kind of followed along with that.
18:34
I don't follow that, that, that same train of thought big fan of our guy, Moses.
18:38
Okay.
18:38
Yeah.
18:38
I was about to say, do you normally cross rivers and creeks and just start sending babies down creeks?
18:44
Uh, sometimes if, if that's the best way to get them to school,
18:49
If the school's down, if we're upstream,
18:51
you know, and the, and the school is, is down, down below, we'll have them construct their,
18:55
you know, read baskets and they'll just kind of go on down.
19:00
So what's on your bus?
19:01
You said you don't want them on your bus.
19:02
Like what do you, what do you do with all that extra room?
19:04
Um, well really we've taken, we've actually taken out all the seats except for mine.
19:08
Sure.
19:08
I kind of, I don't want them to have any reason to be up in there.
19:12
Is it your sarcophagus?
19:14
Are you going to be buried in the bus,
19:16
embalmed mummified, buried in the bus, like a, like a true Egyptian guy?
19:20
I've got my own sarcophagus in there right now.
19:22
Just waiting, just in case for some reason I go too soon.
19:26
I don't want them to have to go very far to get my sarcophagus.
19:29
I want them to go ahead and just bury me and then bury the bus.
19:32
Yeah. Okay. You're going to be buried on the bus.
19:34
So in 2000 years, they're going to uncover that bus and just wonder who, who this God was.
19:39
Well, they'll, they won't have to wonder because I'll leave them a recording of me
19:43
just telling them all about my bus and about all the kids that worked for me,
19:47
not as slaves, but as paid workers that, you know, that we'll have,
19:51
we'll have a lot of information for.
19:52
There'll be literature available.
19:53
So, so, you know, 2000 years, let's set the scene.
19:55
2000 years goes by a man uncovers the sphincter.
20:00
He brushes away the dirt.
20:02
He brushes away the dirt and all on the signs are hieroglyphics of Alan whipping,
20:09
not slaves on top of a bus.
20:12
And he goes in there and he pushes that very heavy top off of that sarcophagus.
20:17
And it's just, it's just Alan looking all mummified, but good like skin is smooth.
20:21
Looks good for 2000.
20:23
I mean, you know, you know, you can tell you sunscreen.
20:26
I did. I had work done.
20:28
Yeah. He picks up that recorder.
20:31
What does he hear?
20:32
You know, the pharaohs, they, they thought of themselves as gods.
20:36
I don't think of myself as that.
20:37
Think of myself as a man of the people.
20:40
I could get out there and I could help those kids.
20:42
I'm not going to.
20:43
They work for me.
20:45
That'd be stupid.
20:45
The work just, it builds their work ethic.
20:48
They're not slaves.
20:49
How long does that go on for?
20:52
Essentially like a journal entry.
20:55
I start off doing that.
20:56
And then it's essentially me going into describing the plot of 1999's The Mummy.
21:02
Okay. Okay.
21:03
Yeah. You walked through the whole movie.
21:05
Yeah. It's, it's, it's definitely, definitely scene by scene.
21:07
Okay.
21:08
Okay.
21:10
That's good.
21:11
I don't, um, I, I fail to see the point of it, but.
21:16
The question was not, how do you see the point of what you do as a school bus driver?
21:23
The question was, what do you do as a school bus?
21:26
I just feel like the purpose of a bus is to take kids home.
21:29
Um, and you, you know, you just now use these kids to carry around
21:33
a bus that is supposed to take them home, but they don't actually go home.
21:36
I, I listen, it doesn't matter.
21:38
It doesn't matter.
21:39
You, you were the God of the sphincter.
21:40
So I, you know, I'm happy for you.
21:43
I really am that you have found this, this path in life.
21:47
Happy to make these kids walk it every day.
21:50
Man, not too often we get to talk to the God of sphincters.
21:56
All right, Evan, what do you do?
21:58
A bus driver, Evan, what do you do as a bus driver?
22:00
Oh, I show those kids and I tell them, take your seats, take your seats.
22:03
Obviously I've got my police scanner on the dash.
22:09
You took down the normal bus scanner that they communicate you with.
22:13
Yeah.
22:13
Okay.
22:13
That out.
22:14
You put a police scanner in or I put a police scanner in there and kind of just listen,
22:18
uh, while I'm riding around, you know, joy riding with these kids in the back.
22:22
Yeah, just listening for, you know, sounds of crime scenes happening, uh,
22:28
things happening that the police may need help with.
22:30
Yeah.
22:30
Be it that they found a dead body and they need forensic to get in there and,
22:35
you know, dig around, see what we can muster up and I'll take that bus of kids over there.
22:39
Cause what's better than having a team of forensic investigators having three times that
22:45
amount because you have a whole bus of kids and a adult bus driver there to help this
22:51
forensic team.
22:52
I bet the investigators love just a bus stopping right in the middle of the crime scene and
22:56
unloading 72 kindergartners.
23:00
I try to get them as close to the crime scene as possible.
23:02
Uh, I don't always look out for the tape and the markers.
23:05
So sometimes, yeah, my wheel rolls over a dead body.
23:08
Yes.
23:09
They're already dead.
23:11
I mean, not going to get any more dead.
23:13
Exactly.
23:14
So I have, you know, 70 kids out there kind of marking up the crime scene,
23:19
seeing what they can find.
23:20
They just give magnifying glasses and little Sherlock Holmes hats.
23:24
Yeah.
23:25
And I say, just in the mountain, that bus of kids, they are three times
23:29
as investigative as this team of forensics.
23:33
You're a quantity over quality guy.
23:35
Exactly.
23:35
So it doesn't just stop it like forensic evidence.
23:38
If I hear a crime scene underway, strengthen numbers.
23:42
Yeah.
23:44
If I bring a bus loaded of kids up to a mall where there's, you know, gunfire happening
23:49
and I send them all straight to the gunman, he's going to be so confused.
23:52
He's going to be so confused.
23:53
He's not going to know where to shoot.
23:54
Especially as you arm these children up as they came off the bus.
23:59
You're like, and you're just giving them guns, just AR-15s.
24:07
Exactly.
24:07
Because they need to be able to defend themselves.
24:09
Absolutely.
24:10
They have armor vest ons and I give them AR-15s and we all kind of just flood them all.
24:15
Yeah.
24:16
72, two foot kindergartners.
24:19
Just led by one of the greatest military minds.
24:23
They're hard to hit.
24:24
They're small targets.
24:27
It's great success.
24:28
And then maybe there's a jumper on the roof.
24:30
I hear that over the police.
24:32
Yeah.
24:32
Who's better to talk to somebody off a roof than 72 kindergartners.
24:35
They'll ask him so many questions.
24:38
Why are you going to jump?
24:39
Why?
24:39
Why?
24:40
Why?
24:41
How are you going to do that?
24:42
Why?
24:42
What happens when you hit the ground?
24:43
Make them think through the whole process.
24:45
Yeah.
24:45
Yeah.
24:45
They'll be like, no, you put it that way.
24:47
Are you not worried that having 72 kindergartners talk to that man will not make him want to
24:53
jump even more?
24:54
Well, if he does decide to jump, I'll send half of them up there to talk to the guy.
24:59
I'll send the other half below to catch him.
25:01
You know, they say that if you're in a situation where somebody's committing suicide, it's
25:06
best to overwhelm them and make them feel claustrophobic.
25:10
Yeah.
25:11
Overwhelm and overtake.
25:13
That's what we try to do in that situation.
25:15
OK.
25:16
Let me ask you this.
25:17
You hear a highway pursuit come over that police scanner.
25:21
It's my favorite one.
25:22
Do you stick one of those like little bubble lights on top of the bus?
25:26
A little tiny bubble light.
25:28
Do you take off after the police chase?
25:30
Hundred percent.
25:31
We try to just get down the highway as soon as we can, because you know that bus, it's
25:35
going to it's going to mosey on down the road.
25:39
We get out there and then, you know, I get caught up in the pursuit with the police and
25:44
you're like, I'm taking the lead, Sergeant.
25:47
We are eastbound and down.
25:50
Sergeant fallback, I got this one.
25:52
And what's your radio handle?
25:55
Yeah.
25:55
Yeah.
25:55
Yeah.
25:56
Well, after you answer that, can you give us a rendition of what you sound like over
26:00
the radio?
26:00
I'll lead you into that.
26:01
So be advised.
26:03
We have a highly dangerous Toyota Corolla black 2013.
26:10
The car is black.
26:14
The car is the car is black heading eastbound on 240.
26:19
Be advised the driver should be considered armed and dangerous.
26:24
All patrols respond.
26:26
Yeah, this is mother hen checking in.
26:30
We're in pursuit in the big yellow bus.
26:36
All other officers stand back.
26:39
We're going to take this one on by ourselves.
26:42
We got it.
26:43
Me and my 72 little chicks.
26:45
We're in pursuit and we'll have this suspect apprehended immediately.
26:50
So we go through that and obviously they're happy to let us take the lead.
26:56
I come door to door with the in pursuit of this driver and I kind of form a rope, a line
27:03
with these children and they grab onto a rope.
27:06
And I'm sitting there in the driver's seat, you know, flooring this bad boy.
27:10
I yanked the door open.
27:11
The big, you know, yanker.
27:13
Yank that door open.
27:16
These kids come flying out like it's a aerial drop and they're in the military.
27:21
Like a yo-yo.
27:22
Yes, they one by one jump on top of the car.
27:25
They're starting to jimmy the locks trying to get in like a zombie situation.
27:30
Just kids crawling over this vehicle.
27:33
It's like the zombies from World War Z where they just pile on top of each other to get things done.
27:39
Are they speaking a weird Latin language while they're doing this?
27:42
Evans Evans in there.
27:44
Go my hatchlings.
27:47
Yeah.
27:47
I mean, we have our own code obviously and I'm saying hatchlings deploy hatchlings.
27:53
Skibbity do bop bop do.
27:55
Oh, he turned into a, like a, all that means something to them.
27:58
Yeah.
28:01
It wouldn't be worth it to share.
28:02
Yeah, sure.
28:03
Sure.
28:03
So I'm not going to try, but they're all tied at the waist by this rope and they're on top of the car.
28:08
I'm slamming the car into the side railing on the highway.
28:11
Obviously I have the bigger vehicle, so I'm going to be able to pin them in there
28:15
while they get in and apprehend this suspect.
28:18
And of course we detain them and throw them in the back of the squad car,
28:22
which is what I call the back of my bus locked up with bars.
28:25
Yeah.
28:27
We take them to the police station.
28:28
Okay.
28:29
Glad you glossed over all the casualties either by just people on the road or you slamming your
28:36
bus into a car that has kids draped all over it.
28:39
You're just going to, you're going to gloss over that.
28:42
It's for the greater good.
28:44
God gives the biggest battles to his strongest soldiers, you know?
28:49
If we don't do it, who will?
28:52
If it's not for us, who's going to stop the crime?
28:54
We don't have a Spider-Man.
28:55
We don't have a Batman.
28:57
No, you have the vigilantes.
28:58
You have a man in a bus of 72 kids.
29:02
And I want to be the first to say thank you for your service.
29:05
Definitely.
29:05
Thank you.
29:06
Definitely.
29:06
That means a lot coming from you guys.
29:08
Yeah, I know. Just wow.
29:10
But that's impressive.
29:12
But there you go.
29:13
Bus drivers are so boring today.
29:15
They just drive.
29:15
They're kind of cranky.
29:17
They might not wear deodorant.
29:19
They might have love handles that kind of sag over their armrest.
29:23
But none of them, none of them are a pharaoh.
29:27
No.
29:27
A sphincter king.
29:29
None of them are a self-proclaimed bus vigilante that just steps in where he's needed
29:37
to solve crime and stop it, maybe before it even happens.
29:40
I think it's easy to drive a bus.
29:42
Anybody can drive a bus.
29:44
But you can't lead a bus.
29:47
Our hypotheticals are all about leadership.
29:49
Yeah.
29:50
But there you go.
29:51
So for our next segment, Alan has gotten into some mischief.
29:56
And he often does this.
29:58
He has a very exciting life outside of the studio.
30:03
He has a lot of hobbies.
30:05
And that's actually what this article from the New York Times is about.
30:09
So let's jump into that.
30:12
We interrupt this program for a breaking news story.
30:15
Breaking news.
30:17
Hold on.
30:18
This is breaking news?
30:20
All right.
30:21
So we got a little New York Times tidbit.
30:23
Alan, I don't know how you keep doing this, but you wound up in the news once again.
30:28
Nothing makes me feel more boring than reading what Alan does outside of here.
30:32
I know.
30:33
Like, I just watch TV.
30:34
Alan's out here.
30:35
My life doesn't end when I leave these doors.
30:38
When I leave the studio space, my life begins.
30:41
Alan's like one of those influencers that says he wakes up at 4 a.m.
30:45
to go run and then come back and meditate and then eat some oat for breakfast.
30:53
If your circle is not talking about getting up at 4 30
30:57
and doing whatever you can to make the local news, then get a new circle.
31:01
Alan is what your dad says he was in high school.
31:04
Yeah.
31:07
So let me read off this news story here.
31:09
And all right.
31:10
So the title of this news article is Bizarre Obsession.
31:14
Zookeeper Alan's Dirty Laundry Photography.
31:17
In the body to consolidate their titles.
31:19
I know it's a long title.
31:21
The body of this says in a small town known for its eccentricities,
31:25
one peculiar figure stands out among the rest.
31:28
Zookeeper Alan, a man with an unusual obsession that has left locals scratching their heads.
31:33
Alan's fascination photographs of dirty clothes.
31:37
Visitors to the local zoo seeking adorable animals and entertaining shows find themselves
31:41
bewildered by Alan's inexplicable fixation.
31:45
Instead of attending to the needs of the exotic creatures,
31:47
he can often be found snapping photos of soiled socks, stained t-shirts and muddy jeans.
31:53
I just can't resist the allure of these filthy garments.
31:58
Alan explained his eyes gleaming with an eerie enthusiasm.
32:01
This obsession, it seems, has extended to the residents of the town
32:04
who now donate their dirtiest laundry for Alan's bizarre collection.
32:08
In a recent exhibit at the zoo, the so-called Laundry Extravaganza,
32:13
visitors gawked at rows of framed photographs featuring caked mud,
32:17
spaghetti sauce splatters and grass stains.
32:20
While some have questioned Alan's sanity, others find his passion oddly endearing.
32:24
You gotta admire someone who could find the beauty in the mundane.
32:29
Said one supporter.
32:30
So if you happen to visit the peculiar town, don't be surprised if you spot a zookeeper
32:35
obsessed with the oddest of hobbies, capturing the allure of dirty laundry.
32:39
Now Alan, back at it again.
32:42
Golly.
32:44
Zookeeper Alan.
32:45
What'd you get into zookeeping?
32:47
Just a part-time hobby of mine.
32:48
Yeah.
32:49
Part-time hobby, full-time job.
32:50
It's something that I enjoy some of the time, but work at all the time.
32:57
But you've also found a hobby within the hobby.
32:59
And that's taking picture of people's dirty clothes.
33:03
Yeah.
33:04
Wait, are you taking pictures from the bushes?
33:06
Like, I feel like this is not on the open up.
33:09
You're like running around your tan, tight, short shorts.
33:13
You look like Steve Irwin.
33:15
You look like Steve Irwin with a Polaroid camera.
33:18
It's tight, short shorts on the bottom, ghillie suit on the top.
33:21
Oh.
33:22
Kind of like a party up front or business up front, party in back situation.
33:27
Just so I can kind of hide in the bushes.
33:29
And I watch people when they eat messy foods.
33:32
I bet you're sitting in that bush like, please let the corn dog drop on that short.
33:36
Drop it.
33:37
Watch that mustard squeeze out the back of that hot dog.
33:40
And I go, oh, yes.
33:42
And just snap.
33:44
You snap the picture.
33:46
How often are the photos organic?
33:48
And how often do you maybe take a handful of mustard and rub it on the back of somebody's shirt to maybe stage the dirty photo?
33:55
So I haven't got a job as a zookeeper, but I also have a lot of other jobs as waiters around town.
34:01
So I kind of just I kind of walk up to people as a waiter and just spill things on them.
34:07
Just because I got to get that shot of that dirty clothes.
34:10
You're like, are you going to the zoo later?
34:12
You just dump a thing of coke on them.
34:14
That's right. That's right.
34:16
Yeah. And I just kind of I go back to my bushes, take pictures of them.
34:20
Hours later, I'm at the zoo and I see them come through with their dirty shirt.
34:24
You're like, thank God these people did not change because it's been hours.
34:27
Is there a specific thing that kind of stands out to you that you're like, I got to get that?
34:32
Well, it's my personal favorites.
34:33
The spaghetti stain.
34:36
You get just meat juice.
34:38
You get it's a good mixture of meat, juice, sauce, you know, and those noodles hit in wild directions.
34:45
You get fun, different, different shapes, you know, dimension dimension.
34:50
That's that's like your artsy term you use for it.
34:53
It's like a crime scene.
34:55
You sit there in your bus and you're like, oh, look at the dimension on that one.
34:58
Gosh, the link.
35:00
People like you hear the clachink of like a normal Polaroid camera and hear that the Polaroid come out.
35:06
People like, you hear that?
35:08
Yeah, I've actually got one of those old 1800s cameras.
35:11
I don't even I don't even have a Polaroid.
35:13
I've got the little the thing that you hold up.
35:15
Yeah, I've got the thing that I don't even know what you call it.
35:19
But you hold it up to.
35:21
Yeah, the flash. Yeah.
35:23
And then they see the flash, hear the flash as well.
35:26
It's like it's kind of like thunder.
35:27
Yeah, yeah.
35:28
And then they hear Alan.
35:29
I got it.
35:30
It's not it's not subtle at all.
35:32
Yeah, you're up under the hood.
35:34
Yeah, you put on.
35:37
But the thing about those old pictures, you had to have the subject very still.
35:41
Like you could not move because it took so long for the camera.
35:45
How do you get your subjects to stand so still?
35:47
A lot of times what they do is when they drop something on and they just kind of sit there
35:51
and look sad for a second.
35:53
They're just so mad at themselves for their stupidity.
35:57
Why did I do this?
35:58
I'm I'm a failure.
36:00
Are you telling these people this to further their depression?
36:03
I've sent them I've sent them a note as as the waiter I've given it to them.
36:08
The note just says, dear honored guest, you're a failure.
36:13
You've got nothing going for you in your life.
36:15
If you would just sit still, reflect, reflect with the spilled stuff on your clothes.
36:20
I mean, that does add.
36:21
It doesn't have to be.
36:22
It doesn't have to be well-ordered.
36:24
You're not a waiter.
36:26
No, I'm a waiter and a zookeeper.
36:29
Like I'm not I'm not a professor of English literature.
36:33
That does add another dimension, another piece of depth to your photographs as well,
36:37
because behind that dirty clothes is just so much emotion caked into that picture in that scene.
36:44
Yeah, yeah.
36:45
When I when I display these pictures, I want you to I want you to not only see the stain,
36:50
but the person that's also themselves a stain on society.
36:57
That was in your note, too.
36:58
That was your state on society.
37:03
And that's what an interesting series of events of you spilling mustard on the shirt
37:09
and then subsequently writing a letter that just tears this person down for something you did.
37:15
Yeah.
37:15
You don't get a lot of tips as a waiter, do you?
37:17
No.
37:18
The waiter job is kind of just sort of a passion of mine.
37:22
Means to an end.
37:23
Means means to an end just to just to get my just to get my pictures done.
37:27
What do you do with the pictures?
37:28
I post them up around the zoo.
37:30
The laundry extravaganza.
37:31
The laundry extravaganza at the zoo.
37:33
Oh, you have an exhibit.
37:34
So it's like an art exhibit.
37:35
Yeah, I think the zoo has too many animals. So what I've been doing is slowly.
37:42
What a great zookeeper.
37:43
Slowly getting rid of animals and replacing the animals with my art.
37:48
Just pictures of dirty clothes.
37:49
They go by the gorilla exhibit.
37:51
They're like, where are the gorillas?
37:53
And it's just your pictures.
37:55
Just the wall.
37:56
Just a couple of pictures of wine stained pants.
38:00
You go in there looking for looking for the bats and there's just a couple of dirty socks
38:04
hanging from a tree.
38:07
What do you do with the animals?
38:08
Just give them out as pets.
38:09
I see we just kind of release them into the city.
38:12
Yeah, some of them, you know, some of the ones that I think that could farewell in the city,
38:15
your your your antelopes, your tigers, your crocodiles, crocodiles, you know,
38:20
things that things that would brighten a city, I think.
38:23
And really, the scarier the animal that is less loose in the city,
38:27
the more chances you have of stains on clothing because people are running.
38:32
They're acting surprised with drinks in their hand.
38:37
And maybe let's say let's say one of these one of these creatures catches up to them.
38:41
Yeah, there's a stain for sure.
38:43
But it's a guaranteed stain.
38:45
The whole point of a zoo is about education and exposure to these animals.
38:50
And what better education and exposure than real world experience with one.
38:55
Yeah, that's in the streets.
38:56
Yeah, you're never going to be able to talk about an experience with an animal
39:00
unless you've just been running away from them down a down a crowded city block,
39:04
then just nipping at your heels.
39:08
You're afraid you don't know where you're you don't know where you're going to find help.
39:12
You don't know if you will.
39:13
This could be one of your last thoughts.
39:16
And it's just Alan on the other side of the street and his stupid bird box camera
39:23
under the hood with a big flash stick.
39:26
Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,
39:27
please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please.
39:31
I mean, honestly, what?
39:32
It's a great sentiment.
39:33
Like really, can you truly experience the speed of a cheetah
39:39
unless you are running down Fifth Avenue from it?
39:43
You know, like you can't really experience.
39:45
You're never going to know how fast something is until it's caught up with you.
39:48
So you've tried to outrun it and realize all too soon
39:52
that you're not you're not faster than this thing, this.
39:55
This might be the end of you.
39:56
Yeah, and you classically say as the old southern man that you are I don't have to be faster than the cheetah
40:03
I just have to be faster than you. That's right. That's right. I don't have to say any of these things
40:09
Sometimes I do give them things to say and that's that that's like one of the things like I handed off to him as like
40:15
A that's like a note, you know like a baton. Please please read this as he's running you just pass on the note
40:21
That's good. I would love to go to your art exhibit
40:24
I'm sure top and hottest art critics are there just arms behind the back
40:29
Looking at your art along the wall, you know
40:32
You're probably still dressed in your ghillie suit slash short shorts and you're just giving them the rundown of what each big picture means
40:38
Yeah, I was you know a stank it told a lot it can tell sadness
40:41
You can tell you know what were they feeling at the moment that the dad left them
40:48
You know, that's what that's what it stands. It gives they say
40:50
Eyes are the window to the soul nay nay. This stain is the window to the soul
40:56
It says something like what could I have done to keep my dad from leaving?
41:04
Man I bet I've had those art critics eat that up
41:07
Oh, yeah, I'd a pair of pants with just a dropped hamburger in it. You're just like, yeah
41:13
Look at look at the soul of this person. Look how they were conceived
41:17
In the back of a trans m in 1983
41:28
Listen I think we don't give you enough credit for how artsy you really are
41:32
Yeah, I'm really really pretentious about when it you know when it comes to art a lot of these things that you guys you guys show
41:40
me the Mona Lisa garbage
41:42
The Sistine Chapel Sistine Chapel life. It's a building
41:47
And everybody's got them everybody's got a house, you know, come on nothing great about that what I'm really interested in
41:54
It's like a nebulous stain with unknown color
41:58
questionable origin
42:00
That's what that's what I'm here for. I like that. Just really it shows the variety and depth of who you are
42:06
I've actually been meaning to talk to you about that Zach
42:08
I want to talk about the way you see Alan wait hijack this conversation there bud
42:14
This seems like something Evan was wanting to bring up
42:17
No, and he found him. He found some dead space
42:22
Okay, you what do you want to talk about?
42:25
This is Evan already talking about Alan
42:28
Just how how would you describe Alan to a random person that you've never met because obviously we've just learned and we've been
42:36
Learning over every time we do this segment that Alan has a new depth that you know
42:40
We didn't know about him
42:41
So I just I know how you would describe him to somebody that had never heard of Alan if I were to scribe Alan
42:48
Zookeeper art entrepreneur Alan I would describe him as lumpy
42:54
An amoeba yeah of emotion and and personality
42:58
He has multiple personalities in his head at any given time
43:02
You sneeze at the wrong time it triggers him to speak in a foreign language
43:08
He's like an angry Italian like give us an angry Italian
43:12
It's like why you making me sneeze
43:20
You never know what you're gonna get is he gonna hug your child
43:24
Or is he gonna tie your child to a horse and drag him through an old western city? You don't know
43:30
But he makes life exciting he's unhinged
43:34
He will either hug you or stab you with a fork and really why wouldn't you want to know him?
43:39
Doesn't seem like the kind of guy that you'd want to be around though I mean
43:44
I'm hearing all this for the first time
43:46
Right now I'm imagining without a shirt that's just me though
43:50
Okay okay game game has been changed
43:52
And just kind of summarize all those emotions into one
43:56
He's kind of like a sad radio DJ
44:00
Who's like only on between like 2 a.m. and 5
44:05
Yeah and people call in all the time requesting music and he's kind of just like yeah I'll play it
44:10
But have you thought about how my life would
44:14
He's depressed that's how I describe it he's depressed
44:18
He's got directionless
44:22
Just looking for just looking for comfort
44:24
Just looking for just looking for commerce just looking for a way out that too
44:28
He just need he just needs a ledge or a revolver one shot
44:35
Or a pill bottle with a word he can't pronounce
44:38
He just he's looking for a way out and I'm glad you found your art
44:41
I mean I see you as a depressed directionless amoeba personality
44:46
But you know you seem to know where you're going
44:48
I see myself in a lot of the art I can't stress this enough a lot of this is very well thought out
44:53
We just it's not it's not like we're doing this off the dome
44:58
We had this article weeks in advance and I've been reading it 13 times
45:03
You could tell by how you stumbled through it
45:06
I knew what word was coming next
45:09
Every time you whatever every time that new a word came up next and I work here like is this a new English word
45:16
Never be too sure they change it every year
45:20
They change it every year but maybe that you found art I guess thank you
45:27
But man there you go you know despite the fact that we are top 50 in South Africa
45:33
We we still need to make money you know we're not millionaires yet
45:36
We're on our way so we're gonna have to run some ads for the podcast so let's let's make some bucks
45:43
Want to break from the ads?
45:45
No
45:52
In a world that doesn't have enough art in a world where people are black and white and emotionless
45:59
Come into a sanctuary where art and emotions run true
46:04
Here at a specially curated exhibit by a great artist and zookeeper Alan
46:12
You will see in depth pictures of stains on different pieces of clothing
46:19
Some will be mustard some will be spaghetti
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But all will be filled with raw emotion that will make you cry and bring you to your knees
46:27
Alan a great artist in the 21st century goes out and takes pictures from bushes with an old 1830s camera
46:36
To get the most raw picture of people's stains and from this you can glean the depth of their depravity and depression
46:47
Come be sad be happy be human at Alan's art exhibit
46:58
Are you one of those guys that own a crocodile farm but always struggle during breeding season?
47:05
Your crocodiles they just aren't into it
47:09
The men are always out watching the game
47:12
They can't bother with the women folk crocodiles
47:15
Give us a call over here at a little operation we call crocodile done me
47:23
What we're gonna do is we know what your dial is like
47:28
We know that if we take an Apache helicopter and fly it over your crocodile farm
47:34
Those boys are gonna get rock hard
47:39
You won't struggle to get them to mate
47:44
The only struggle you're gonna run into is getting them to not mate
47:49
Crocodile done me comes with a money back guarantee
47:57
If you don't have a good old harvest of crocodile babies here in the next few months
48:04
We'll give you your money back we'll give you our helicopter
48:07
We are we are that sure that our product works
48:11
We will put our Apache helicopter on the line
48:14
Give us a call crocodile done me
48:17
Hey hey Alan man I need to go somewhere have you seen my keys
48:23
Is this ever you do you ever just look for something like your keys and you just can't find it
48:28
Did you put it in a conventional storage system like a lock box or a safe or just on your counter
48:35
That's where you went wrong because here it put it in my pumpkin
48:40
We sell storage devices that are just pumpkins that we got around Halloween time
48:47
And we put things in them and you'll never lose anything again once you put it in a pumpkin
48:52
And we can guarantee that you put something in a pumpkin
48:56
You let that baby rot for I don't know six to eight months
49:00
It's gonna be leaking but you're gonna know you're gonna know exactly where your keys are
49:05
You're never gonna be in this situation that you just saw Zach in where he's like oh where's my keys
49:10
Where's my keys you know where they are they're in that just foul smelling vegetable gourd
49:18
Sitting on your porch so give us a call you can order over the phone as well
49:25
Six simple payments of $19.99 that we take monthly twice bi-monthly actually
49:32
So give us a call and put it in my pumpkin and we'll get you set up with some real storage
49:39
Well blimey just sitting out here with all these gators and I just can't seem to make them
49:47
Mike them get it on you know they just don't seem to be interested these days
49:52
Wow this is a problem that the average person has faced
49:56
Hi I'm Zach for Crocodile Dunme here at Crocodile Dunme
50:01
We have a solution to a problem that you may have faced here at Crocodile Dunme
50:06
We take those impotent soft
50:11
Alligators and we turn them into crocodiles
50:18
Here at Crocodile Dunme what we'll do is we'll send the most powerful machine
50:24
That this world has ever seen an Apache helicopter ride over that crocodile pond and boy howdy
50:30
You're gonna have a bunch of humpin' crocodiles and if you get turned on
50:34
We understand
50:37
Crocodile Dunme
50:39
If there's an erection lasting more than two hours please call your doctor
50:46
Man life is difficult work has got me run down I need a vacation I wonder where I can go
50:52
Have you ever been person like this?
50:55
Have you ever said I need vacation I do not like this country
51:02
Why don't you and your family come on down to the wonderful country of Ukraine
51:10
Here in Ukraine we have many things that you can see
51:14
You can tour our wonderful variety of factories
51:18
You can come see where we build military
51:22
No, no we don't build military weapons
51:27
We don't do that
51:29
See the factories where we build toys for the children you know
51:34
Do you like the cold? We've got the cold
51:38
You ever wanted to feel oh no a little sad
51:46
Come tour one of our villages
51:49
You can watch old people sit in the street and be cold
51:55
Not a fun sight to see and after a full day of all the tourism
52:01
Settle down with a nice meal of unsalted gruel and stale bread
52:08
What is in the gruel eh?
52:11
A mixture of beans and oatmeal
52:16
We are not trying to make it taste good we just want you to be able to have the energy to work
52:23
We must make it clear we do not want Russians
52:27
I feel like it's an understood thing
52:29
We don't want them we want American aid I mean visitors only
52:35
Cannot stress that enough come to Ukraine bring your money
52:41
As always this is Ukrainian Santa and I support this message
52:48
The episode is also brought to you by Asbestos Taxidermy
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54:08
Yeah so give us a call we'll send you some animals that are stuffed with I want to say cancerous material but
54:16
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54:19
Yeah I mean I get it if you don't want to buy them
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I mean it kind of doesn't
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I guess it's up to you it's viewer discretion customer discretion if you want to buy this
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54:34
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56:43
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56:45
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56:50
Come on down to Put It In Your Pumpkin where we just sell you a hollowed out pumpkin for space storage
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57:04
Do you need a place to put your small infant when your arms get tired
57:10
Do you need that thing to have a lid where you can close it and then that baby will be muffled when it cries
57:18
Maybe you can put it outside and it wouldn't look out of place
57:22
While you go in take a nice well deserved nap you're a good parent but sometimes let's face it those babies can get annoying
57:30
Put it in that not quite soundproof pumpkin set them outside go get your nap
57:37
Put it in your pumpkin
57:39
Man making the big bucks making the big bucks with ads people all over the world are trying to get us to advertise their businesses for them
57:51
Because we reach a lot of people in South Africa because did you know that we're top 50 in South Africa
57:57
I don't know if we said that yet. Someone was talking about that earlier. I heard it. We have a big reach
58:02
I'll do anything if you give me a crisp 20 anything but there you go guys that's the end of the episode
58:09
Traditional one-liner wisdom for the Saturday workers what do you all got
58:14
You can kill two birds with one stone but wouldn't it be so much easier if you just used a gun
58:20
You can box out a defender in basketball but you can't box in your emotions so let those out
58:29
Use a gun and let out your emotions maybe not with the gun though I'm not saying those two things should be combined
58:40
You know but that probably wouldn't be wise but separately very wise
58:45
I think people have tried them together before
58:47
Doesn't end well. It does not wise wise but if you have a hypothetical you want us to answer
58:54
If you need some advice from the three wisest people question rule detour podcast at gmail.com
59:00
Remember tell your friends about us tell them how you as a person have grown
59:05
Tell them why why do you have such a skip in your step why do you have such a smile on your face
59:10
Why are you looking a little less gray and depressed well tell them why because you've been listening to us
59:16
Balls are hanging a little bit lower now. Oh the swinging like a grandfather clock
59:24
Or just your grandfather
59:26
Yeah I don't know why you're showing your friends your balls but hey if they ask tell them why you're listening to the question rule detour podcast
59:34
Top 50 in South Africa thank you South Africa good night