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Parasocial Relationships 101 · Head Shrink Inc.

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Let's talk about parasocial relationships.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, welcome back.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: I want to talk a little bit about parasocial relationships, how they're good, how they're bad, what are they?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: Let's talk about what they are first.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: So, a parasocial relate parasocial relationship relationships have been happening for hundreds of years.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's not necessarily a new thing that's just come about because of social media.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: It was happening when the radio was in existence.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: It was happening when TV first came into existence.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's happening now with social media.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: So it's been happening for a long time.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: So parasocial relationship is a one-sided emotional connection in which a person feels that like they really know and can relate to a public figure.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: These days it's an influencer, creator, podcaster, or some type of media personality.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: And the and the the key part of it is that this relationship is not reciprocal.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: This person has no idea that you exist.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so while it's been happening for a long time, it was first the term, and I looked this up, the term was first introduced in 1956.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so parasocial relationships are really common.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: And most people have experienced one at some point.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think I I was trying to think if I ever experienced a parasocial relationship.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I think maybe I kind of have with some like local.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: I used to listen to talk radio a lot.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, I'd call into a show or email a show and then get a response, and then you'd feel like, oh, we made a connection.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, they paid attention to me, et cetera, et cetera.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: I don't listen to any talk radio now.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, that that was an example.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's like this person basically was using me for content for the show.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: They didn't know me.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: But I knew lots of things about them just because they talked about things in their life.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: And if you think about social media, that happens a lot more than it probably used to, because with social media, you visually seeing things in people's lives.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then they're also talking about their lives.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so and for those people that are like full-time content creators, you're definitely going to be seeing a lot of things about their lives.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so you and so it becomes much more easier, it becomes much easier to connect with them thinking, oh, I like that same food.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I grew up in that place.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I live nearby where this person was just at.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so then you feel like you have a connection with them, and they're just passing through.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: They have no idea who you are.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: So that is what a parasocial relationship is.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about some of the good things about parasocial relationship, if there are, and some of the bad things about parasocial relationship.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's e it's usually easy to spot the negative things, but some of the potential benefits of a parasocial relationship are it reduces loneliness for people because they're able to connect with others who possibly have that same kind of interest that they do.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so let's say you follow a fitness instructor, and so then you might exercise a bit more and you might connect with other people that follow this fitness instructor, and you might live in the same location as others that follow this fitness instructor.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: Another thing potentially is positive role modeling.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: So public the these people that are public figures, influencers, content creators, etc.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: So they can possibly uh have positive role modeling take place.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: So exercising more again, after you follow a fist uh fitness creator, learning communication skills from a therapist online or from a communications expert, following it.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Let's say you're interested in science, history, there's education.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: There you can find all kinds of people that you could learn things from online.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so that could be definitely a thing where there's some positive role modeling happening.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes there's emotional support that can take place.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes people will say, Oh, I'm depressed, but when I watch your content or I have anxiety, but when I watch your content, it lightens the mood for me or it gives me some hope for what I'm struggling through.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: Where I've seen that particularly happen is when a creator talks about their own kind of depression or their own kind of struggles with whatever it is.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then there's inevitably people that will come on and say, I've been struggling with that as well.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's nice to see that there's hope.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: Or this gives me hope that there's a going to be a better tomorrow, et cetera.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: There's motivation and learning that can take place.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: So cooking influencers, personal finance, parenting, career development.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: These are all things that people uh want to better their lives.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so if they see this online, they follow this person and they think the world of this person, they think this person is so great.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: I referenced this earlier.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: There's like a sense of community that can take place for people within a particular sphere of influence of a content creator or a community that centers itself around the teachings of something.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: This is like church, right?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: Happens with churches.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: So these are all I kind of positive things, I suppose.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm saying that with some hesitation because I'm not generally a big fan of parasocial relationships, because I think the harm of a parasocial relationship outweighs the good of a parasocial relationship.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about the potential downsides of a of the parasocial relationship.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: So so there's the illusion, and I think the illusion of intimacy.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think that this isn't just with parasocial relationships, it's it's with social media in general.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you think of how you view social media, you view it on your phone, right?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: So you have a little rectangle or square screen that you're watching most of your social media on.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you may do it on a tablet or you may do it on a laptop or a computer or whatever.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so your brain sees that and they see this repeated exposure as familiarity.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like, so then people that are just kind of doing brain rot and scrolling, they can start thinking like, oh, this person knows me, we're friends, they would understand me.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Now, no one, I think, no one's gonna really think that we're friends, but I think when you're struggling with mental health stuff and mental health issues, there is a real possibility like this person gets me, which is why stalker stalkers exist, right?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: You'll hear about people that get arrested at someone's home because they thought they were married or they thought they were sending me secret messages on Instagram or whatever, and obviously they weren't sending secret messages on Instagram.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: So even though there's an illusion of intimacy, there is no intimacy in that.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: The the creator does not know who you are and they don't know that you exist.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they know that they may know that you exist because they see your comment or whatever and like it, but they don't like know you on any depth of any level.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: There's an emotional dependence that sometimes takes over with parasocial relationships.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you rely on like you can't wait for this person's next post and you're scouring the internet for all the information you can find on this person, it it can it hurts reciprocal relationships, it hurts relationships where you can like have a back and forth, a give and take.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: And that's definitely like not a good thing because emotionally you should depend on people that are dependable, and a parasocial relationship is not dependable.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so a warning sign for that could be like a feeling anxious when the creator doesn't post, mood depending on the creator's content, preferring creator content over spending time with real people.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: This this goes to YouTube as well.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen some live streams where like I'll watch there's this guy named Burnt Peanut, he's a video game streamer.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll see, I'll go to the YouTube, I see that he's live, and there's like he'll have 56,000 people watching, and like, oh my goodness.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: Are people just just watching him, just sitting on the couch watching him play?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: And if they are, that's wild to me.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: And again, different society now than I grew up in, you know, as a Gen X kid, so we didn't have any of that.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so I guess that is entertaining, it's entertaining, uh, but I could not imagine sitting there watching it for that long.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: And again, there's a mental health component to this because if you are feeling anxious when that creator doesn't post and you say, where is this person?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Why haven't they posted?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: What's wrong with them?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's potentially problematic because it's it becomes then a fine line between that and then you stalking them and like, well, I'm gonna go make sure they're okay.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: I've heard so many people talk about knowing Mr.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: Beast lives in a certain place in North Carolina and thinking, I'm gonna go there and meet Mr.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Beast.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: No, don't Mr.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: Beast doesn't know who you are, don't go to North Carolina to meet Mr.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: Beast.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a good idea.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then unrealistic expectations.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen this definitely with parasocial relationships, where you have this perspective, this curated perspective of this content creator.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then one day they they announced I'm divorcing my partner who last week I just said I have a wonderful relationship, and people are so shocked and they're so dumbfounded, and et cetera, et cetera.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen that over and over again.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Or perfect parenting.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: I just saw last year there was a woman, and I'm not remembering her name, but if you listen to this and you do social media stuff, you'll remember Kaiser was her last name.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: Emily Kaiser.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Her son drowned in a pool.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: And recently I saw a video where it was posted that she had another son that was in a boat without a life vest.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: People were horrified, right?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: People assumed that, well, this one thing that happened would have led them to always be careful and cautious around their children.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so parenting gets critiqued.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: And when you see that they're doing something that you don't agree with, you're horrified because how could this perfect person do this thing?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Physical appearance is another thing.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: When you see the curated version of somebody versus the actual version of somebody, you often will be shocked, right?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: So you so I think parasocial relationships create unrealistic expectations.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: There's financial exploitation.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Some creators will intentionally do parasocial bonds to encourage purchases, which is just gross and grifty.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen that within the estrangement community, where there's this one particular woman that, with no credential, no experience, nothing, she says, I identify with you estranged parents, buy this thing, and then I can help solve your problems.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And people do it.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just like, what are you guys doing?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: She's not going to help you solve your problems, but she's going to take your money freely.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: So that's a that's a negative side of parasocial relationship.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: The there's a polarization and influence that happens with these parasocial relationships.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I've seen this also, where a creator is saying something that's just outright kind of outrageous, but then the followers will tolerate the outrageous behavior and the kind of crazy behavior that the influencer is doing.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: There was, I posted a video several years ago about this lady.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: We call her the cupcake lady.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: And she didn't have her kids, but she was making cupcakes for her birthday so her kids could celebrate her birthday.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: And she's crying, she set up the camera, et cetera, et cetera.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it turns out she was a scammer.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: And over and over, her ex-husband was calling out her scamming, scammy ways, and she would he would get people coming on his page telling him how gross he was, leave her alone.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: She's just a single mom trying to do life.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the weird thing was is like this woman kept scamming people, kept scamming people, turn her uh TikTok off, turn her tick tack, tick tock, tic-tac, tick tock back on, continue scamming people, and and people would be defending her, right?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: And then within the last month, she was just convicted or charged with scams, a federal, like a federal indictment, and and now is I think she pled guilty to it.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: So people just kind of set aside their own personal morals when it comes to a lot of parasocial relationships.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: Echo chambers are something that that exists within parasocial relationships.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like this person knows what they're talking about, this person cares about me, this person gets me, and I'm gonna tolerate their bad behavior as long as it's not directed to me and as long as they as I believe they continue to get me.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: There's boundary confusions, some creators intentionally blur professional and personal boundaries of strength and engagement.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so there's just all these negative things, I think, that outweigh the positive things.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things that I've seen, like personally in my own life, is people that don't know me, people that I will never meet, people that I have never met, people that don't know anything about what I do in my life.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: They just believe a negative comment from another person who knows nothing, will never meet me, has never met me.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: And then they come onto my page and they spout off these horrible things, right?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: This is another negative part of parasocial relationships because I'm just existing in my world.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm parenting, doing life, working, running my business, et cetera, et cetera.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: And there's someone out there that when I come onto social media and I make a video, there's someone out there that I don't know who they are.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: They just don't, they're so bothered by what I have to say that they have to leave a negative comment.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: Or because I'm having a conversation with another creator that they don't like, then therefore I'm not likable because they have a problem with this other creator that they've never met, will never meet, don't know anything about.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: And that's when parasocial relationships get really unhealthy and people become mentally ill.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's the people that do that kind of thing, they have a mental mental illness that's going on.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because there should be no way that you can come on to my, I mean, there is a way, but you shouldn't be going on to people's posts and saying lies about them, accusing them of things that are untrue, uh, demeaning them, et cetera, et cetera.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like all these things.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: Having never met the person, not knowing anything about that person's life.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's not normal behavior.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: And when that starts to happen, I know that that person's in a weird parasocial relationship with me.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't do anything about it, right?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's all one-sided, and I know nothing about that person, and I have no interest in knowing anything about that person.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's why I think the negative parts of parasocial relationships far outweigh the positive things that I started the conversation with.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: So can parasocial relationships be harmful?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, but the context matters.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: The intent, so uh I I did a brief search on like studies related to parasocial relationships, and I wrote down these things.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: So the impact of parasocial relationships, there's a lot of factors.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: Securely attached individuals can enjoy parasocial relationships without major problems.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: People that are experiencing loneliness or social isolation may derive more comfort, but can also become more emotionally invested.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then individuals with anxious attachment may be more prone to stronger emotional dependence or boundary confusion.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, again, I'll say it again.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: Parasocial relationships can be okay, but generally they're not.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: What I've seen in my experience on social media is that parasocial relationships usually usually are horrible.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll leave with this there's an influencer named Jen Hamilton, and there she has such a huge fan base that she recently talked about how her husband is divorcing her and was cheating on her and stuff.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: And that's always, I don't, that's not a good thing.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um there's no way I'm advocating for that.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: But the amount of people that said we ride in the morning for Jen Hamilton, can you imagine fumbling a Jen Hamilton?
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: The amount of people that were saying that, who had never met Jen Jen Hamilton, who don't know anything about Jen Hamilton other than the forward-facing, curated things that she puts out there, that's all they see.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: They don't know what it's like to actually live with Jen Hamilton.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: They don't know what things annoy her.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: They don't know what things she does that annoy her husband.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: They know nothing of that.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: They just blindly followed her and insulted her husband, who they don't know either, and went down that road and continue to go down that road.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just weird and unfortunate.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for listening today.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, this has been helpful to kind of give you some ideas on what parasocial relationships are like.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: If you have any comments, feel free to send them my way.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I look forward to another time of a podcast soon.