Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 589: How To Get Over Someone (Even If You Think You Can't)

Transcript

Episode 589: How To Get Over Someone (Even If You Think You Can't) · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:00
  Hi. This is Luke here with the art
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  of love. I'm a dating and relationship.
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  Experts specializing in helping you get your ex back or to get
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  over your ex and this week, I'm actually finally going to talk
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  about moving on from your ex. I've been reluctant to make this
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  video just as you have been reluctant to move on from your
• 0:19
  ex. So let's both do something.
• 0:21
  We didn't want to do. But first I want to welcome back
• 0:25
  the no contact Army. If you've been having trouble
• 0:27
  staying in no contact, be sure to download my app.
• 0:30
  Co the link is underneath every video and every podcast and just
• 0:34
  hit the panic button if you need help, staying in no contact.
• 0:37
  And if you two would like to join our no contact Army, just
• 0:40
  hit the Subscribe button and the bell notification, and you're in
• 0:45
  and treat our Emmanuel go to no, contact, secrets.com, where you
• 0:49
  can read to free chapters before purchasing the book, The
• 0:51
  Lincoln's underneath every video and every podcast.
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  Okay. So let's talk about moving on.
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  What does that mean? Well, it Sickly means that
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  person is no longer in your life or if they are the nature of the
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  relationship has changed and you didn't want it to.
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  So first, I'll go over some of the reasons why people find it
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  hard to move on, and then I'll tell you how to go about letting
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  go. So when people find it hard to
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  move on from someone, it's often because they're still living
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  with, what the what ifs and the possibilities that they felt the
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  relationship had. So when your relationship ends
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  all, The hopes and dreams that you had for it don't end at the
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  exact same time. However, if all you energy is
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  tied up in the past about what could have been then, how can
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  you move forward or live in the present?
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  Well, you can't another reason that it's hard to move on is
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  because when we lose someone, our ego is bruised.
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  We had expectations of how again we wanted the relationship to go
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  and it didn't go that way. So it's actually your ego.
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  Oh, that's her. Not you because the ego wants to
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  control situations and people and you've lost control but the
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  risk you take, when you get into a relationship or even when you
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  date someone is that it may end. And that's the price you pay.
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  That's the price of admission. People change circumstances,
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  change, that's life. You can't control everyone and
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  everything. Another reason people find it
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  hard to move on, is the stories that you tell yourself about
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  this person. You think.
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  Oh, this was the love of my life.
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  This was my person. I'll never find anyone better.
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  No one will ever want me again. I'll never feel this way again.
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  So of course you're not going to want to like go if that's how
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  you feel, but feelings aren't logical.
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  As I've said many times before, that is just your fearful
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  mindful talking, you probably will.
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  I'll find someone better. Someone else will want you.
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  They were obviously not the love of your life.
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  So don't listen to your fearful mind and you may be telling
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  yourself that every they were everything you ever wanted.
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  That's another lie, but that's not true.
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  I mean, look at it. This way someone breaking up
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  with you, isn't everything you ever wanted?
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  Is it? Someone who didn't see you as
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  their person isn't. Everything you ever wanted
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  someone cheating on you or lying on you or taking you for granted
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  or giving up on? You isn't everything you ever
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  wanted. Why are you forgetting this?
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  Little details. You're looking at this through
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  rose-colored glasses. So if you want to move on,
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  you're going to have to take off those glasses.
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  Now, you may also be thinking that because I'm suffering so
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  much from this breakup and finding it so hard to move on.
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  It's because this was a really important relationship.
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  Well, not really, not necessarily, I mean, I once
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  dated a guy for just a few months and it took me longer to
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  get over him than the actual relationship lasted, but that
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  didn't mean. It was an important
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  relationship. It just has to do with things
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  that it triggered within you. The relationship or the person
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  triggered within you, Another reason you may find it hard to
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  let go is because you gave more than you got.
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  And now you feel like you didn't get a return on your investment
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  so to speak. But that's on you.
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  No one forced you to give more than you were getting.
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  And if you were giving just to get again, that's on you.
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  So when you do give it should be without expectation of getting
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  something back from your partner, you give because you
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  want to not because you want to be reciprocated.
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  So keep that in mind in your next relationship.
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  Something else that might be going on, is you think oh, I'll
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  never meet anyone like them again.
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  Well, you're right. I mean there's only one of them
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  but you need to move on in order to meet someone who you, not
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  only feel good with, but who you're actually compatible with
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  and they want to be with you. That's more important than how
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  you feel about someone who doesn't want to be with you.
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  Because ultimately that doesn't feel so good, no matter how
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  strong your feelings are for someone, if it's unrequited.
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  If they don't feel the same way, then it doesn't feel good.
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  And what's the point why are you still there?
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  Now this is going to be a new comps on concept for almost
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  everyone. If you can't move on it's
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  because you put that person on a pedestal that's not the New
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  Concept just bear with me or her.
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  Usually the reason for that is because you want to be like
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  them, not necessarily because you want to be with them.
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  Okay. You're projecting your
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  unfulfilled wants and desires for yourself onto your They have
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  qualities that you're really attracted to and admire
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  qualities that you lack but just really want.
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  So instead of working on yourself to get these qualities,
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  you're looking to your ex to supply them except that.
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  Now they're no longer here. So basically you want them to
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  save you from having to do the work yourself.
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  They were your source of self-worth and you keep thinking
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  about them because your psyche is pushing you to take action
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  and to work on yourself. So, You can actually have those
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  qualities that you admire in them.
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  That won't allow you to let go. So instead of doing the work,
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  you'd rather be with someone who has those qualities.
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  Like, let's say someone is very friendly and popular, but you
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  tend to be more of a lone wolf instead of coming out of your
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  shell and working on being more friendly and popular, she was
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  easier to be with someone who already has those qualities.
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  But now if they're gone and you still want to be like that,
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  you're going to have to do the work.
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  To get to how you want to be. Does that make sense?
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  And a lot of times, it's not even the person that's hard to
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  get over, its the relationship and how it made you feel at
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  least during the good times, your morning.
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  Only the best parts of that person and that person doesn't
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  exist because every person has their good sides and their bad
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  sides and you're just choosing to look at the good and you're
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  forgetting the bad. So getting over, someone is
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  logical not emotional, the relationship was emotional, but
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  your decision to move on, has to be logical because you can't
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  just decide to not have feelings for someone anymore.
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  When people ask, well, how can I move on from this person?
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  What they're actually asking without knowing his?
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  How can I move on from this person as fast as possible?
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  And that's just not possible. Unless, of course, you're me.
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  Haha, I don't waste time, but I know most of you aren't there
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  yet. So, at some point you have to
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  make a logical decision as to where you want to go.
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  Do you want to stay stuck in? In the past or do you actually
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  want to move forward? People say they want to move
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  forward, but they don't really want to do the work that it
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  takes to actually move forward. And sometimes it's because the
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  Fab effect, which I talked about in my video 7 reasons, whether
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  no contact rule works on, everyone is taking place in
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  that. You start to forget the bad
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  times and only remember the good.
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  So one way to move on is to actually make a list of the bad
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  times and the bad qualities. The times you were disappointed.
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  And whenever you feeling down about the relationship ending
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  just look in your at your list and you'll have a quick reminder
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  as to why you don't want to be in that relationship.
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  A ship anymore. Or why even if you do you
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  shouldn't be in that relationship anymore.
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  Another way to move on is to, of course focus on yourself level
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  up and work on the parts of you that need working on.
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  So that in your next relationship, you'll be better.
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  Because if you never work on yourself, then you're really in
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  ships, will never improve. You will not attract better
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  people and it's constantly going to feel like Groundhog Day
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  Another way to get over your ex has to distract yourself you
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  need to keep your mind occupied so you're not constantly focused
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  on yourself so take on something that's going to require a lot of
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  time and focus. Like right now I'm taking a
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  three month, intensive marketing course and it is taking up a lot
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  of my time and I'm not even trying to get over anyone so I'm
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  work. I'm not I don't have enough time
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  to work out which to me is a crime.
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  I'm turning down all social invitations.
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  I'm focused every day and every night on making sure I'm For
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  with this course so that I can finish on time.
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  So take on a project like that, you know, moving on is a
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  conscious decision where you say, I don't want to feel like
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  this anymore I deserve better and even though I may still have
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  feelings for my ex I'm going to do what it takes to move on.
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  I love myself too much to put myself through this, any longer.
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  So, moving on is ultimately, an act of self-love.
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  You have to know your worth and when, you know, You're worth,
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  you will not settle for someone who is not treating you, right?
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  Or it doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about
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  them. Letting go is hard but trying to
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  hold on to someone who doesn't want to be.
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  There is even worse, but if you find that you just cannot move
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  on, then, sometimes it's time to speak to a therapist.
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  And finally, I want to give you a Cinderella analogy about
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  moving on and this is for both guys and girls, and it is this.
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  If the shoe doesn't fit, it's time to quit.
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  Ha ha, they're not your person time to move on.
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  And try on another shoe or maybe many other shoes who knows.
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  So I want to hear from you comment below.
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  And let me know why you think. You can't let go of your ex or
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  if you are letting go, what are you doing in order to be
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  successful at it? And in the meantime if you would
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  like my help to get your ex back, you can contact me at the
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  art of love dotnet and we will send you the rates.
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  The direct link is below every single video and podcast.
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  If you found this video helpful, please like subscribe.
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  And share. If you're looking to this as a
• 11:07
  podcast, remember to rate and review.
• 11:09
  And finally remember that love inspires empowers uplifts and
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  and lightens.