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The Body Keeps The Score Review- Understanding What Trauma Does to Us · Breaking Our Borders

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back everyone.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I recently read the book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Vanderkook.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: He provided several insights as to what trauma is, what it does to our brain and body, and how we can begin to heal from it.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: In today's episode, I will share with you the information I gained from this book, and we'll talk about how we can work on healing our trauma.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get started talking about all of that right now.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do you ever feel like you can't relax?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: That you're always on alert?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Ever wonder why you feel disconnected with yourself?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or why does something that happened in your childhood still affect you today?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I feel all of these all the time, and am still trying to figure out how to silence the trauma of my past.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: To help with this, I picked up the book, The Body Keeps the Score.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: In the book, Dr.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Vanderkoek discusses why we feel this way, what happened to us as children to cause these feelings, and why we struggle to calm our body and brain.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Some of what he said is repetition of what I have described in previous episodes about trauma, but I think it bears repeating and can add to our understanding of our trauma.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Everything I discuss in this episode is based on the book and Dr.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Vanderkock's thoughts and opinions.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Trauma is not simply something that happened in the past.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: The event that caused trauma may be over, but its impact on our mind and body is still alive in the present.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: The danger and coping skills we experienced as children are still functioning in our brain and body.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: As children, our brain was wired for survival and will function in ways we can't control to be sure we are safe.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: In previous episodes, I have talked about how thoughts process through our brains.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: We have an experience, the brain checks for danger first, then emotions are involved which activate body responses, and finally, logical thinking happens to make sense of the situation.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: When no stress or danger is involved, thoughts can process smoothly through the brain parts and function without hesitation.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: But when there is stress or danger, the part of the brain that detects the stress and danger alerts the emotional part of the brain to release stress hormones.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: These hormones delay thoughts from passing into the thinking part of the brain and cause reactions in the body, like increased heart and breathing rates, muscle tension and stomach upset.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: When the danger is temporary, the brain resolves the situation and finds safety again.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: The functions and hormones in the brain return to normal.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: But when the danger is long term, and childhood trauma often is, then the brain gets used to being in this mode of dealing with danger and stays in that function even after the danger has passed.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: These concepts were also discussed in the book The Body Keeps the Score.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Our emotions give value to our experiences and become the foundation of reason.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: If our emotions express safety, then our logical thoughts are calm.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: But if we are in danger, our logical thoughts are triggered to figure out a way to be safe.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Our self-experience is the result of a balance between our rational and emotional parts of our brain.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: When they are in balance, we feel safe and able to be our true selves.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: But when we are in danger, these parts work independently and often result in physical and emotional discomfort.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Our early experiences become a blueprint for our interactions with others and our perceptions of ourselves.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: The more positive and supportive those experiences are with our parents, the more likely we will have a strong blueprint to have healthy interactions with others and a positive perception of ourselves.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: But if we experience negative and unsupportive interactions with our parents, we will not have a strong blueprint of how to be successful and healthy in our future.
• 4:25
  unknown: Dr.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Vanderkolk explains that parents shape the way our rapidly growing brain perceives reality.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Our relationship with our parents helps us see what is safe and what is dangerous, who we can and cannot count on, and who will let us down and who will meet our needs.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: This information forms the template of how we think of ourselves and the world around us.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: The more responsive the adult is to the child, the deeper the attachment between child and parent.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: This also helps the child develop healthy ways of responding to others and life situations.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Safe and protective early relationships are critical to protect children from long-term problems.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Child and parent attachment is the secure base that helps the child feel safe when moving out into the world.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Having a safe relationship at home promotes self-reliance, confidence, and empathy in the child.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: These children are comfortable in their environment and develop impulse control, motivation, and social skills.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: These children will also learn how to problem solve or ask for help when facing difficult situations.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: They will imitate the behaviors shown to them by their parents.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Imitation is a fundamental skill in children that helps them learn how to function in life.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Children will imitate and internalize what they learn from their parents.
• 5:50
  unknown: Dr.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Vanderkoek explains this in a more technical way by saying, when a child is listened to and understood, the mind and body are impacted.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Having our feelings recognized lights up our limbic brain, the part of the brain that controls our emotions.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: This type of parenting provides positive experiences in the emotions that affect the mind and soul.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Attachment to the parent is a biological instinct ingrained in us at birth.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: We cannot stop this desire, and it exists whether the parent is loving and caring or abusive and neglectful.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: The desire for attachment with your parents never lessens.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: So for children who experience trauma, they are trying to attach to an adult who is necessary for their survival, but also a source of fear.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: These children learn that their terror, pleading, and crying caused by trauma will not be recognized or aided by the parent.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing the child does or says stops the trauma or brings relief.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: This teaches them that the world is unsafe and to give up when faced with future life challenges.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: A lack of safety in the early relationship between parent and child can lead to an impaired sense of inner reality, excessive clinging, and self-damaging behavior.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Children naturally start off life as the center of their own universe, and from then on interpret everything that happens in life from an egocentric point of view.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: The early brain does not understand how to think about others' needs, the others have feelings, and how to care for others.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: That is the job of adults as well as to teach children how to understand these things.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: During childhood, our brains develop rapidly, creating an understanding of what is safe, who we can count on, and who will meet our needs.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: This will help us develop thoughts about how we think of ourselves and the world around us.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: When the parenting we experience is filled with trauma, the child has to adjust to the parent's needs so as not to cause more trauma.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: When a child has to focus on the parents' needs and is not able to get their needs met, they begin to believe that something is wrong with who they are.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: If their parents cannot attach with them or love them, then there must be something wrong or bad with them.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: It is safer for a child to hate themselves than to risk their relationship with their parents.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: A relationship that is biologically desired beyond their control.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Therefore, they believe they are unlovable, the only explanation their young minds can explain as to why they were treated so badly.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: This belief and the physical reactions attached with it will carry into adulthood.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: During the trauma, a child will find ways to survive the chaos that is happening in their home and in their own mind.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Managing the fear, impact, and frustrations of trauma creates more problems for the child, such as dissociation, despair, addictions, panic, alienation, disconnection, and explosive behavior.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: They may feel that they have no control or management over anything in their life.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Control is another life desire that all humans crave.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Without control, with constant chaos, and enduring fear daily, it is natural for a child's brain to search for ways to survive and cope with a traumatic environment.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: It is not possible for the child to leave a traumatic situation at home.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: They have no choice but to figure out a way to survive what is happening to them, and those methods will involve finding a way to get their needs met.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Some of these coping methods could be people pleasing, perfectionism, hypervigilance, emotional shutdown, trust issues, anger and rage, controlling behavior, difficulty identifying feelings, dissociation, constant need for reassurance, and difficulty setting boundaries.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: I have talked about all of these coping mechanisms in previous episodes if you would like more information about those.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: The thing about coping mechanisms is that they serve a purpose for children experiencing trauma.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: They are not flaws, but are the only way our early developing brain knows how to survive.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: When we carry them into adulthood, where we are hopefully no longer in a trauma environment, then these coping mechanisms become a problem.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: We develop these coping behaviors because we had emotional needs that were not being met by our parents.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: It is not a fault or shameful act on our part.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: It was a necessity of our brain to cope with an awful situation that we should have never been in.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: The problem with these coping mechanisms is that they become a normal way of functioning even after our trauma is over, and they are typically not healthy ways of functioning.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Vanderkoek explains this by saying that traumatized people become stuck and stop their growth because they cannot integrate new experiences into their lives.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Being traumatized means continuing to organize your life as if the trauma were still going on, unchanged and unstoppable, and as if every new encounter or event is contaminated by the past.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: After trauma, the world is experienced with a different nervous system.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: The survivor's energy now becomes focused on suppressing inner chaos at the expense of new experiences in their life.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: These attempts to maintain control over unbearable functions of the body due to trauma can result in a whole range of physical symptoms and ailments.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: This explains why it is critical for trauma treatment to engage the entire organism, the body, mind, and soul.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Long after the actual event has passed, the brain may keep sending signals to the body to escape a threat that no longer exists.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Being able to escape the trauma ends the threat.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: When a victim cannot escape, deeper scars happen.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Here, Dr.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Vander Koch is saying that once our brain was conditioned to respond to trauma as a child, this way of thinking then continues into adulthood.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: As we try to cope with the mental and physical impacts of trauma, we struggle to embrace and function in new experiences.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: We see everything in life through the lens of trauma.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: The reactions in our brains and bodies during the trauma are replaying over and over, which cause emotional and physical distress.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: The longer this goes on, the deeper the distress.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: So to summarize what we know about the impact of trauma so far, we know that childhood trauma negatively impacts a child's emotional, mental, and physical health.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Survivors carry these negative impacts into adulthood where it causes them more distress.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: The question is, if the trauma is over, the child is no longer with the parent since becoming an adult, then why can't they stop the impacts of the trauma?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't they say, it's over, I'm okay now.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to start being a mentally, emotionally, and physically happy person.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason is, according to Dr.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Vanderkoek, because the body does not know the trauma is over yet.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: That is what he means by the body keeps the score.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Our nervous system doesn't know how to live with a different functioning system yet.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: During childhood, while our brains were developing and learning how to function, while experiencing trauma, danger messages were sent to the brain and body.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: While the brain develops, it is accepting these danger-alerting thoughts, emotions, and physical feelings as the norm.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to refer this back to an example I have used in the past about our mind being like an apple tree.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: So for this example, imagine you planted a real apple tree.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: When you bought the tree, the seller gave you a list of things to do to grow your tree into a healthy one.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: You follow the list flawlessly, but your tree isn't growing well.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: You don't change what you do to the tree, because the person that sold you the tree is the expert and knows how to grow trees, so you follow their list.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Besides, you don't know anything about growing trees, so you don't know of any other options to get your tree to grow better.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: In this case, our parents are like the seller of the tree, giving us guidance on how to grow a healthy tree.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Our mind is like the tree, and our lack of knowledge of how to change the directions to grow a healthy tree is due to trauma.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: The technical explanation of this, based on the book The Body Keeps the Score, is that when there is hyperactivity in the stress alert and emotional reaction parts of the brain, typically caused by trauma, the thinking part of the brain that would rationalize the impact of trauma is underactive.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: So basically our emotions are in charge, which fuel physical reactions like heart rate, breathing speed, muscle tension, and stomach issues.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: When experiencing trauma or a situation that triggers trauma feelings, our body feels a heart increase, quicker breathing, tightened muscles, and sickening feelings in our stomach.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: The brain makes a connection when there is an alert of fear to enable those physical reactions.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: This happens even if we are no longer in danger, but are just triggered to remember a trauma situation from the past that is similar to the one we are currently experiencing.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: When the emotional and rational parts of our brain are in conflict, there is a war being played out in our gut, heart, and lungs, leading to discomfort and misery.
• 16:23
  unknown: Dr.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Vanderkoelk explained that our emotions assign value to our experiences.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: They give reason to those experiences.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Any emotion we experience, thoughts about that emotion are processed in the brain, and at the same time, reactions are felt in the body.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: According to Dr.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Vanderkoek, the reactions in the body are what keeps us feeling the effects of trauma.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Trauma puts imprints on our body, mind, and soul, which can feel like crushing sensations on your chest, a fear of losing control, always being on alert, fears of rejection, feeling of self-loathing, and a fog that keeps you from being your true self.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself, and to recover means you re-establish ownership of your body and mind.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Your mind may be able to say, I am safe, I am not experiencing trauma anymore, and I don't have to continue using coping mechanisms for trauma.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: But your body doesn't get that message.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: Your body is keeping the score of your experiences of trauma and not able to release those feelings.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now for the biggest question.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: How do we stop our mind and body from believing we are still in danger?
• 17:45
  unknown: Dr.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Vanderkoek's process is similar to the one I have found that is helping me and which I have mentioned in previous episodes.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: The first step is to acknowledge what happened in the past.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: What happened to you during your childhood?
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Next, you have to accept the invisible demons that you are struggling with now.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: What have the experiences of the past caused you to struggle with now?
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: What is keeping you from being emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, figure out what methods can change your thoughts and feelings of still being in danger.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: How can you reconstruct your nervous system and stress alert part of the brain to understand you are no longer in danger?
• 18:33
  unknown: Dr.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: Vanderkoolt gave several options for doing this.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: He suggested counseling, EMDR therapy, breathing techniques, yoga, journaling, and activities that you enjoy, like exercising, crafting, acting, dancing, or other hobbies.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: There are many ways that he suggests for finding peace in your soul and reducing the hyperactivity of the emotional part of the brain.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: I personally have tried many of these methods and some work well for me while others have not.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: It is up to you to try things to see what works for you.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: I began with counseling, which introduced me to EMDR therapy.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: I saw immediate results from the EMDR session and am considering trying it again to work on some unresolved issues that I have recently recognized.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: I read a lot of self-help books and follow social media for mental help.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: These options fill me with knowledge that makes me feel like I am in control of what I do with my healing.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: I also do journaling.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: This helps me because I was trained to hide my thoughts and feelings as a child, to not express how I felt, and definitely not to show any discontent.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: Journaling allows me to express my thoughts, feelings, and desires in a safe place.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: It has also helped me learn the words needed to express these things, and then to process what I see in those words more clearly.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: I also make time for activities that I enjoy.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm doing something that brings me joy, I can feel my mind and body relax.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: When I am in this relaxed state, I am better able to engage the thinking part of my brain so as to work through some of the effects of my trauma.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: I have done yoga and breathing exercises, and those too help me feel calm and safe in my mind and body.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many options out there for you to try.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: All you have to do is Google on the internet and there will be a wealth of information for you.
• 20:40
  unknown: Dr.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Vanderkolk encourages healing work because as long as you ignore the impacts of your trauma, you are essentially at war with yourself.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Hiding your core feelings takes an enormous amount of energy.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: It drains your motivation to pursue goals and leaves you feeling shut down and alone.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with the sensations in their bodies, and physical awareness is the first step in releasing the cruelty and pain of the past.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to add a journal prompt to my website to help you think about the physical sensations happening in your body now that are the result of your trauma.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: We have to recognize the sensations in our body as much as the thoughts going through our minds.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: For example, if you have an evaluation coming up at work and you're feeling anxious about it, ask yourself, what are the thoughts I'm having and what are the sensations I'm feeling?
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: And are these from the past or the present?
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: You may be thinking, what if I mess up?
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: What if my presentation isn't good?
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: What if my boss thinks I'm terrible at my job and fires me?
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: You may be feeling pressure on your chest, a sickness in your stomach, muscle tension in your neck and shoulders, and a desire to hide in bed and not ever come out.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now ask yourself, is this a fear based on the past or the present?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Are you worried about things because your parents made you feel incompetent, worthless, and bad?
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Has your boss or coworkers ever done anything to make you believe you're not good at your job?
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: Processing what is happening in your mind and body can help you determine if they are stuck in the past and give reason for them to calm down and feel safe if they are.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: I will add Dr.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: Vander Koelk's book, The Body Keeps the Score, to my suggested reading list on my website, breakingarborders.com, which is where you can also find that journal prompt I mentioned before.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: Many people have said the body keeps the score is a difficult read due to the use of a lot of scientific vocabulary, and I can see that, but I do think he presents some valuable facts about the impact of trauma and brings new light to the idea that trauma is not just in our thoughts, but also in our physical sensations.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: And without healing both, we are not going to make much progress towards a happier and healthier life.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening today, and please join me again next week as I continue talking about the impacts of trauma and how we can begin our healing journey to have a happier and healthier life.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, I hope you have a wonderful week.