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Don't Let Limerence Destroy Your Marriage. Way Back Post. · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for October 16, 2026 Don't Let Limerence Destroy Your Marriage Wayback Post,
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  One of the most popular Not About Sex posts on The Generous Husband is Don't
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  Let Limerence Destroy Your Marriage from November 8, 2016,
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  Limerence is a word that was coined in 1979 to describe a powerful,
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  even obsessive, infatuation within a person.
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  While the desire to be with the person may lead to sex, limerence is not primarily
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  about wanting a sexual relationship.
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  Limerence is a crush on steroids, and it includes intrusive thinking,
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  such as not being able to stop thinking about the other person,
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  your mood being dependent on if you have been with that person recently or if
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  you think that person likes you,
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  Being willing to take risk or do things one would not normally do to be near
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  or to attract the other person.
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  Abandoning or being willing to abandon long-held beliefs or relationships to
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  be with the other person.
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  Limerence isn't healthy, mature love. Limerence only sees an idealized version
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  of the other person, a version that will never exist.
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  Limerence can spread, with the one on the receiving end feeling it in return.
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  When one or both of the individuals are married, this leads to an emotional
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  affair at the very least, with sex being pretty much inevitable if the relationship continues.
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  Because this is not real love, because it's based on an unsustainable fantasy,
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  limerence affairs almost always end.
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  Sometimes the two people leave their spouses and get married,
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  only to lose all interest in each other a few months or years later.
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  Individuals seem especially vulnerable to limerence when they feel unfulfilled
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  or unappreciated in their marriage.
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  They feel an emptiness, a need, and perhaps they unconsciously look for someone to fill that need.
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  A limerence affair seems like the solution, for as long as it lasts.
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  The thing is, it can't last.
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  I've seen the effects of limerence on marriages and families, and it's ugly.
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  While in a state of limerence, men and women will say horrible things and trash
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  decades of relationships.
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  It's not just the marriage that can be destroyed. The desperation brought on
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  by limerence can cause a person to abandon their family, their job,
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  their church, and their friends.
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  Ever seen a woman leave her husband and young children because she found her
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  soulmate? That's limerence.
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  The fellow who leaves his wife of 25 years, abandoned his job,
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  and moves without telling anyone so he can be with the woman of his dreams? That's also limerence.
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  Limerence seems to impair reason and suppress morality. It's like a drug,
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  and the only real goal in life is getting more.
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  But it always ends, and then the person must deal with the wreckage that they've left in their wake.
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  If you're in the early stages of limerence, get out now. Cut off all contact
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  with a woman, even if you have changed jobs to do it.
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  Your marriage, your connection with your children, and your future are all at stake.
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  For more on limerence, see The Truth About Limerence Affairs by marriage expert
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  Joe Beam. There's a link in the show notes.
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  This is Paul, and limerence is a lie you tell yourself.