Latest / To All the Men I've Tolerated Before / Eldest Daughter Capricorns

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Eldest Daughter Capricorns · To All the Men I've Tolerated Before

• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Hey, tolerators, this is to Aldomen I've tolerated before with
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: family Katona, your weekly look at every day misogyny. Today
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: is a brilliant day because we have the amazingly talented
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Alrenthia Carter back on the show. Not only will you
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: remember Alronthia from those awesome episodes on the Sag Writing
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Strikes and Cowboy Carter, but you'll know her work writing
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: for hit shows like A Black Lady's Sketch Show and
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: the new reboot of Yo Gabba Gabba. Al Renthia is
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: here to heal my inner child by allowing me the
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: privilege to bring her into my trauma as we talk
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: about b eldest daughters. Thanks for being here, al.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Thank you for having me and for giving eldest daughters
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: a platform and a support system because we won't ask
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: for it.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: We will not ask for it. We talk about it
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: all the time. I'm always like, excuse me as I
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: begin to cry because I am an eldest daughter and
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: I feel shame. Currently yeah, yeah, but no, we never like,
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: we never formed clubs. We never talked to our moms
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: about it to be like, hey, just an FLYi you've
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: done this to me.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Right, especially if our moms aren't also eldest daughters. They
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: have no conception of what that means. And so yeah,
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: there needs to be like a national organization for eldest daughters,
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: not even not eldest children. I want to make that
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: clear to the listeners. Eldest daughters is a very specific right,
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: a group to belong to.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Right, because you can be the fourth child born in
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: your family, but if you are the eldest daughter, who
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: cares about those other kids, right, it will still all
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: be on you. So I am the daughter, the eldest
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: daughter of an eldest daughter, and I am also the Yeah,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: and I don't remember where my grandmo Pad falls in
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: the birth order, but I am also her eldest granddaughter.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Oh blow, yes, man, Yes, the trauma just layers layers
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: upon layers. And I've sat at my grandma's graveside and
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: I told her, I understand why you were cold. I
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: understand why the world makes women cold. I get it,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: just so you know?
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: And are you know all this? Daughters? You don't have
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: a brother, do you No.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: It's just me and my sister and we're seventeen months apart.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Because do you have brothers? That's one of my questions,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: what's your family makeup?
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: I don't have brothers, so I have two younger sisters
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: and so, and I think, like, even that is a
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: very specific group if like, if you're an eldest daughter
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: of daughters of just daughters, that's something else. But yeah,
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: I have two younger sisters, and my middle sister is
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: five years younger than me, and my younger sister is
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: like about like seven or eight years younger, and so, yeah,
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: interesting dynamics as well.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that I never understood how being an
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: eldest daughter really impacted me until possibly now, because my
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: sister and I are so close in age, so we
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: were sharing friends and clothes and activities and things like that.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: But then I look back and I'm like, wait a minute,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: I believe some of us were allowed allowances and some
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: of us we're not.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Exactly or some of us are better equipped to speak
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: up for our films, and that's usually not it's the.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Way, listen, the way that my sister will set a
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: boundary like it's a law, and then the entire family
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: is afraid to break it. And I'm like, well that
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: must be nice.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, where's that come from?
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Like the when when we were kids, we had a
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: love seat, a couch and a chair in our living room,
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: and when we would watch TV together, my parents would
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: cram themselves on the two seater love seat because my
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: sister loved to stretch out on the couch like the power.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Wow, man, I'm jealous.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: I know the power. And that's just one way that
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: being an oldest daughter affected by childhood, I always got
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: second class seating.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, or you could be given that feeding, but
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: you would naturally give get up to give it to somebody.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Out Oh yes, right, yes, the meeting everyone's invisible needs.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I wonder if I really loved all of my
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: cousins when they were babies, and I loved my aunts
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: enough to be involved in their rearing of children, or
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: if I was just like, I don't know, I guess
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: I should be changing diapers too or anything.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: You you weren't giving a choice. You're just like you're
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: the big sister and you've got to take a take
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: take care of your younger siblings. And it wasn't called
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: like I mean, it probably was called like babysitting, but
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: it wasn't called like, no, you are participating and the
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: caretaking of another human being as a younger person.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was. It was always like, well, we knew
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: everything was gonna be fine because you were in the room.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: So I don't understand why someone ended up with a
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: bloody nose. Why didn't you intervene before a fight happened?
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: And it's like, well, I just didn't. I feel like
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: that was on me, but I guess it was. So yeah.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: I mean the amount of times that I've been told, well,
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: we just figured it'd be cool because you were involved,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, okay, Like I'm petrified of snakes.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: They're really the only animal I can't fuck with. And
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: we were at my aunt's house and it was on
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: a busy highway and it was like surrounded by farm land,
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: and a snake came up to us and I burst
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: into like loud, dramatic tears. I think I was like
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: five six seven, I don't know. I was little, burst
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: into big, dramatic, like crying tears because the snake came
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: at me. All of the adults ran from the backyard
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: to the front yard and started screaming at me because
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: they were like, we thought a kid got hit by
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: a car. If it was you who was crying and
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh okay.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: No, oh my god, yeah, yeah, I feel you.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: I feel you just like the way of responsibility all
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: the time. Like I think that one thing you and
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I connect on being capricorns who are also eldest daughters
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: is is you cannot get us to speak out loud
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: of feeling right like, hey, al Renthia, how are you
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: feeling currently?
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: And I'll say, I guess I know, But why would
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: I tell you that? Right? That's not pertinent to whatever
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: conversation that we're having, even if it's about feelings or
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: I would say, you know what, let's focus on you
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: for a minute, like, don't worry about me. I'm fine.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Well, I always just go with I'm fine, I'm okay,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: everything's fine. Do I not look fine? I don't understand.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: What? Oh my gosh.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: And you know what traumatized me into the believing that
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: eldest daughter syndrome was a real thing is after the quarantine. People.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: So my sister got really anxious during the quarantine, which
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: I understand it was an anxious time, but she was
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: like one of the late I want to say, like
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: doomsday preppers of COVID or whatever. But she followed the
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: rules there were rules and you had to follow them,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: and I was living on my own at the time,
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: away from my family, so sometimes I was following the
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: rules better than most times. There were there were a
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: couple of things where I was like, well, I just
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know what to do with myself, so I
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: guess I'm gonna go on a walk in a park
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: with someone or whatever, and I'd allow myself to allow
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Once those after COVID, my mom came to visit and like,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I think we were talking about like my sister's pregnancy
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: or something. We sure as hell weren't talking about me,
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: but she looked at me and went And that's why
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I knew I never had to check on you during
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: the pandemic, because I knew that you would be okay.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: And I literally and I was like oh, And I
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: was the only person in my entire family, like cousins, aunts, uncles,
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: I was like one of the only people who was
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: like raw dogging the pandemic on my own, like just
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: me and a cat and a dream. And I was
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: just like, Okay, She's like, yeah, I never had to
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: worry about you. I was like Natalie Smart, nam Lee's strong,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Nanly's got this, she's always okay. I went into my
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: own bathroom and I just like texted my bread, my
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: best friend. I was like, my mom accidentally hurt my
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: feelings and now I'm crying. And she was like, what
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: did she call you straw on again?
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: There it is?
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: There it is? Did she call you straw again?
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Oh? Man?
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: And again? Like and I get it. Like my great aunts,
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: who never had driver's license, were always surprised that I
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: was strong enough to drive myself hours to get to
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: a family function.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: I get yeah, yeah, I get that too, Like they're like,
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: you drove all this way and I'm like, but how
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: else would I have gotten there?
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: I mean yeah, I mean no one else was going
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: to My dad is so surprised how hard I lean
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: on things like door dash and grocery pickup and stuff.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: And I was like, because I don't have a spouse
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: to go get me taco Bell, so I pay some
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: guy named Brad to go do it for me.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and y'all hope that you can at least count
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: on Brad.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Well, hey, all of my friends say, you can't trust
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: your real husband to get what you need from the
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Taco Bell, so it's an even plane. Yeah, there, it
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: is there, it is. So I'm like, so I pray
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: some guy named Brad to go get my cheesy Gordia
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: crunch so I don't have to drive in the rain
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: because I too don't like driving. Aye, Yeah, like I
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: don't like it. I will make sure that I'm never
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: in the car. And it's through the power of door dash.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: So yeah, He's like, you must have a membership or
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: something because you be getting euros a lot delivered here.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, I do.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: I have to eat.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: I have to eat, and I like and I hate
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: cooking because I hate cleaning up.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: They have the opposite. I love cook but it's only
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: because I learned how to cook so early because I
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: had my sisters, you know.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I will say that besides being like the street babysitter,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: because my sister and I were so close in age,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I didn't have to be I didn't have to take
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: on a lot of like care taking roles unless little
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: kids were coming to us.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, Yeah, I had a babysit my two
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: sisters because my I mean, my dad was in a
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: military and you know, they would go to a lot
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: of like different functions and things and so we were
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: in a situation of like being on a military base
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: where you don't necessarily have your friends, your family. You know,
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: all my parents and like the friends and family around them,
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: So they needed babysitters and they needed help. And so
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: you have an in house babysitter right there, and so
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: you know that that's what that was what my job was.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: But that's the reason I had to learn how to cook.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: Oh my parents made sure I knew how to cook
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: because my sisters needed to eat right. And so that's
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: how I learned to make my first block of hamburger
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: Alpert because I was babysitting.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I like I did. Used to end up
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: babysitting my friend's boyfriend's baby sister in the summers so
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: that they could dry hump in one of the bedrooms.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: And I'd just be like, I love playing with babies.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: Sure this is the job I want.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: No, I love this, Why would I ever want to
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: dry up? I'll just be the nanny and the mom
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: would come home and be like, Nntley, why are you
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: here again? And I'd be like, I have nowhere else
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: to be.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: I am a worker bee, a worker bee work.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: A worker bee works, and I had such an inflated
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: like ego of responsibility. Like I'm pretty sure that as
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: a kid, I was a buzzkill because we'd get to
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: the movie and they'd be like, let's go see whatever
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: our rated movie was happening. I wouldn't know because I
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: wouldn't speak into it, and I'd be like, we told
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: our parents, so we were going to go see drum Line,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: and I'm like really interested in watching Cannon play the drums,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: So I guess I'll be going to that by myself
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: because that's what we told, Like, that's what we told
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: our parents we were going to go see.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: Right, If no one else is going to follow the rules,
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: you will, and you also know how to break them
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: to Oh yes, because for me, like what, I got
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: to go out with my friends and enjoy things like
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: we would we could do other things and I would
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: be the friends that would read the book of the
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: movie and then just like literally happened. So the First
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Wife Club, right was I was like maybe a sophomore
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: junior in high school, and I'd read the book, which
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: is like a fifteen sixteen year old girl reading a
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: book about about Like that's not a book that you
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: would think like a high schooler would pick up right
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: a novel about first wives. But I read the book
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: and we told our parents that we are going to
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: go see that movie. And I gave my friends details
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: from the book to tell their parents, thereby being a
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: babysitter again like I had not even a babysitter. I
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: am a facilitator at that point. And so even if
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: we're doing something wrong, I'm still going to be the
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: person that's going to organize and implement things.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because also the way that I will sneak
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: around doing something wrong knowing that in no way is
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: my mutation allowed to be tarnished and I cannot fail
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: at things. So so like for me, that would happen
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: in so my senior year of high school, I had
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: no business being in pre cow none, And I was
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: while my sister was in math topics learning how to
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: like count and erth science learning how to recycle it
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: and watching Finding Nemo. I'm in pre col and physics too.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: And what my dad didn't understand was the only reason
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: I did so well in physics one was because I
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: was friends with the ta and he would like raid
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: my papers diicely. Why yeah, he was just he would
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: do me a solid and change my answers or just
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: ignored the fact that I was doing things wrong and
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: I actually learned anything about physics. And then and now
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: I'm in physics too. He's graduated and a bay me
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: I too. Yeah, and my two smart friends who are
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: younger than me, are like, why don't you know any
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: of this? And I'm like, well, here's the thing. I
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: knew that I couldn't fail this class that I was
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: bad at and not understanding, so I cheated.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you did what needed to be done.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And every day for pre CAL, I would copy
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: my friend who worked at McDonald's with me. Me and
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: my other friend who worked at McDonald's, we'd be like,
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: where's Aaron. Let's get his homework and we copy his
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: home work. He was designated to do the homework because
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: he understood it, and we had a student teacher that
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: year for pre cal, and he wouldn't fail me on
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: quizzes and tests because he also couldn't explain things to
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: me because he was attracted to me and couldn't speak
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: to me. So I also use that to my advantage.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, Okay, he can't talk to me. He's
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: gonna feel bad about that, and I'm going to copy
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Aaron's homework. I'm going to use my wiles. I guess
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I'm this guy and I'm going to graduate high school
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: having kind of pass free cow.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: I mean, all you're saying is just you have really
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: good organization skills.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: To me, I'm a great manager. Yeah, yeah, yeah I am.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: And and then you tell stories like that to people
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: and they're like, we don't actually know if that makes
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: you a good person or a bad person. I was like,
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: it makes me an accomplished person on.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: Paper, it makes you a survivor, Oh, someone who can
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: pivot and use your You can adapt to whatever situation.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: The bad person is probably the pa that enables you.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: But you were able to make a situation work for you.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: And if I mean men do it all the time,
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: oh time? Why not? Why not you?
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: It's called networking, I'm pretty sure is what it is.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you went to like medical school and physics is
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: like you know, it's something that is like essential for
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: you to not kill somebody. Yeah, now you did. You
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: became like an engineer, and you're just like, I don't know,
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: I don't, I don't I don't know what opposing forces
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: mean I don't know any that means, but let me
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: build your bridge for you. Something else.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: My mom told me a couple of weeks ago that
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: because I passed pre cal and physics and took all
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: of the quote unquote hard math and science classes, that
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: I was cheating. And she she was like, your dad
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: thought you were going to be an engineer. Your dad
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: thought that you were going to like be something. And
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: Because now as.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: I'm a thirty six year old, my family really has
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: to grapple with the fact that I've failed at like
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: eldest daughter, and I've failed hard. I don't make any money,
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: I don't have any husband or kids. I don't have
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: any of the things that would make like people proud
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: of you.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: I got like the benchmarks you were post that I met.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: I am an eldest daughter drop out, and I've dropped
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: out hard.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: I haven't dropped out yet, but I have not achieved
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: goals and learning objectives that I set for myself. Oh,
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: no one asked me to. My parents have never been
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: like the kind of parents that have been like, let
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: pressure you into getting married, or I'm going to start
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: peppering you with questions when you haven't had kids by
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: your age, like they've never I've never had to deal
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: with that, and that's like that's a a big blessing
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: for me. But I put those like I put those things,
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: those responsibilities on myself, like obviously I need to get
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: married and have kids and you know, do all these things.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, the the like I'm never doing anything
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: for fun that would be insane or.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: It's fun, It's because it has a greater purpose, right,
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: like it's gonna lead to something else, Like you always
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: kind of know, and I mean, at least for me,
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: Like anything that you do that that's fun or a
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: hobby or something like that, like on the outside is
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: really like, oh, I need to learn to do this
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: and so I can enact this part of my ten
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: year plan. Yes, and I may have fun doing it, yeah,
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: but it's all forwards the purpose.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I guess I haven't fully dropped out of
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: eldest Daughter syndrome because I did start a collage and
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: it is a visual representation of Carlyle's the I the
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: song about Dan scene and her hurricane and yeah, yeah,
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: and as I was conceptualizing in this piece of art.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna put it on TikTok, Brandy
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: Carlyle's gonna find it, probably want to buy it. And
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: then she's gonna teach me how to be gay because
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: I need a mentor, like like I need She's gonna
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: take me on the road, like I'm gonna get to
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: be Elton John, like because why would I just be
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: doing something because I liked the song and had an idea. Honestly,
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: the first day that this podcast dropped on an app,
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: I texted my friend who was my former co host.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm ready to quit my job. I
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: think we can make this something.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: It's happening.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: This is happening. I'm famous, I can see it.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: I am published. I'm a bo on there.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: That's my name. Yeah, And my friend texted back and
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: she's like, yeah, like this has been fun, but I
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: don't think you should write a resignation letter. And I
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: was like, what, what's fun? Nothing's fun?
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: This is Yeah, this is a job. I've decided that
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: I'm good at this and I'm going to do it right.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: And I don't even know, like I don't know if
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: I say these secret thoughts out loud, but like I
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: joined Glamorous Trash book Club where we became friends, where
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: I have made wonderful friends that I have actually gotten
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: to vacation and see. And I join because I was like, well,
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: there's going to be people on that zoom call that
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: I need to meet. I need to meet them. They
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: need to know that I'm talented and funny, and whatever
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: happens from there on out is what happens from there
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: on out.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, why else would I be in a book club,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: certainly not for the.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: Books, not to read.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: I am always hustling if my bom and I get
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: accused of that of like doing that at family reunions
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: there were people are always like why are you acting
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: like you're the most important people here? And then you're
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: the president of the family reunion and you have to
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: go shake everyone's hand and kiss all the new babies,
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: and I'm like I have to.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what that's what you do. Yeah, especially if
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: you're hosting it.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: I'm never hosting it because I live out away.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: Ah, well, if my parents are hosting a party like
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: that's it's like understood that you're also a person that's
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: like do you have enough to drink enough to eat.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: You know, we're girdles of the age, you know, not
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: even in like my forties, like as a kid, like
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: I learned how to host people at your house? You know?
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's it's literally wild how our brains
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: are wired to feel, like, Hey, going to see that
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: movie Companion was probably fun for you for fifteen minutes.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: But let's plan three podcast episodes that get us face
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: to face with young Natalie from Yellow Jackets Sophie Turner.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I know her name? What's her? Thatcher? Sophie
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Turner is in Game of Throats?
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: Yes, I was like, is that nope? No? No, two
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: different sofis, Yeah.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: So many sophis. Yeah. I'm like, let me get let
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: me get three podcast episodes just cranked out? Did it
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: to Wicked? Cried my entire ass off during Wicked? And
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: when I talk about this on the internet, cannot wait
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: for attention.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: Are you providing a port into storm for other Wicked fans? No?
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean have you, I mean, Arenthia, have you
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: learned how to enjoy anything? Ever?
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I'm like, that's silences me, honestly, thinking like is there
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: anything that I enjoy? You really just enjoy it even
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: if I don't talk about it, it's probably yeah, it's
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: probably like photography and music. But even like I couldn't
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: even like even photography start it as like an additional
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: job because when I was taking photography courses in college,
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: you know, I paid for like the things. If you
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: ever take photography in college, you understand how expensive it
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: can be because you have to and this is like
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: again in the analog age, where you had to learn
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: how to develop your photos in the dark room, right,
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: and so you're responsible for buying film, buying photography paper,
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: and you know, of course paying for the classes. And
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: so for me, I started charging my friends to like
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: take pictures of them so they could give to their
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: parents for like mother slash Father's Day or east or whatever,
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: and I put that I would put that money back
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: into my photography education. And so like even if I'm like, okay,
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: this is something that I love from my heart, sometimes
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: like the roots of it is like, oh, it's a
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: service I can provide for other people, and this is
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: just going to help me be able to provide that
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: service better. But music, I would say, is something that
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: is definitely purely mine. If I don't talk to another
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: person that I mean, I can, I can enjoy the
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: music that I listened to in the concert that I
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: go to. I will share that with people, but it
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: is something that's like it's mine and writing of course,
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: Will say that music is one of them for me too,
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: because it inherently has to be something that I haven't
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: already decided that I'm gifted at. And like I can
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: sing a tune, but like no one's handy, Like no
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: one's asking me to sing at their wedding. Like right,
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: I'm probab probably a little bit better than Tom Sandoval,
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: but they don't turn his mic song for his gigs,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: so oh the baby. I know I can hold my
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: own at karaoke, But the worst thing that someone could
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: do is tell me like, well, you could get good
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: at it, because I see the potential in you. Like
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: one time a friend told me you could be my
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: movie music producer. You seem to understand a lot about music,
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: and I was like, I miss you. I could watch
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: three YouTube videos and figure out how to be a
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: music producer.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: But if you had, you would yeah, I would, yeah, yeah,
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: you would know in your heart like, oh you need
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: me to do this? I don't know a lot about it.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: You give me forty eight hours and I will be
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: I will bring back expert knowledge on this one thing.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah for you. And honestly, I think it has made
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: me like accidentally an asshole about people who believe that
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: they cannot do things, like when we went to the
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: aerostour and my best friend, who then called my sister
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: about this. She texted me and she's like, I need
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: you to teach me how to make the friendship bracelets.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: And I texted back, I literally can't. It's putting beads
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: on strings and tying a knot. Like in my head,
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, I can't be trying to teach you.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: How do you not know how to do that? And
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: then she called my sister and she was like, your
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: bitch ass sister just told me I'm too dumb to
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: go to Taylor's with oh, And then she told me eventually,
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: she's like, I meant matching colors and coming up with
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: the sayings. I need you to use your color theory
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: to help me out because I never know what matches
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: on my children. I have to buy outfits as a
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: complete set. And I was like, okay, I can. I
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: can tell you what purple look good with? What purples?
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: Do you find yourself thinking? Is this a Capricorn tree
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: or an eldest daughter tree?
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: Are all? Are? Are all Capricorn's eldest daughters? Is it
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: just a circle?
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah? But I feel like there're thought where you're like, Okay,
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: I'm giving you the facts of what I think it's
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: going to work better on this, and if you don't
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: understand it, then that confuses me, right, And so like
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: I have it organized in my head what I'm going
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: to say to you and how I'm going to express this,
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: But if you are still confused that I'm confused, and
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: then I am like, then you start to double you,
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: you start overthinking because if you're like, wait, am I
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: not being clear? Why am I not being clear? Should
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: I take a class on being clear?
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: You know, yeah, because there's a class out there for oh,
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: I'm sure. Yeah. But like the amount of times where
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: all accident make someone feel stupid because I'm like, what
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: do you mean you don't know how to make a smoothie?
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: You put shit into a blender? I don't understand, and
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: people are like, yeah, Like people aren't just people don't
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: just wake up every day being like, you know what
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: I could do today? Learn a new skill?
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I want to get this job. I want to
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: get this job, and so I'm going to learn to
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: do the same.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: And if I'm not good at it, that means that
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: it's stupid. Yeah, exactly, that means it's impossible. Oh.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: If I'm not perfect at it day one, that means
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: that it's broken dumb. I literally had to write number one.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: I have to tell everyone every time I get a
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: piece of feedback on my writing. And I do not
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: cry and I do not quit because the fifteen year
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: old namily is to like, you should just quit that
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: why are they telling you that you're wrong?
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: Right? And you're not like mad at well, at least
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: for me, Like I'm not mad at them for not
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: getting it. I'm mad at my am immediately mad at
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: myself for not explaining it well or not getting it
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: back to enough. Like if I'm coming to you for
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: help on something that I feel I should be good at,
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: I'm mad. I'm turning that inward. And I'm like, but
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: I shouldn't know how to do it, Like I should
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: know how to achieve this really quickly. And if I
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: have to ask for help. Then there's like that element
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: of shame that comes with it, and you're already like
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: on edge because you're like taking the chance to be
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: extremely vulnerable seed to be how to parallel park, you know,
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: and you're like everyone should know how to do that,
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: but it's like an emotional thing to be, like I
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: need help figuring out how to put my car in reverse,
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: even though I know it.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: You know, number one, I understand that everyone should know
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: how to parallel park, and they technically made me do
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: it to get my license. But that man knew I
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: was gonna cry and he let me do it. Bea
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: wait for you just pull it all out.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: I was gonna cry, or I think, or I think.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: He walked me through and stuff by stuff and kept
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: telling me everything was going to be okay, step by
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: step and with pictures like if you can give me.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: You know, when I first started to learning.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: How to drive with my dad, like he would just
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: tell me what to do, but I'm like, no, I
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: need like a full diagram for you to be like first,
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: do this, second, do this, third, do this, and if
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to get it, I would get frustrated
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: my dad, and my dad would be like, oh, well,
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: you're mad at me, Like, no, I'm mad myself because
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: I should be good at this immediately.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: This is why it took me until I was seventeen
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: to get my license, because my grandma died. Then people
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: tried to teach me how to drive, and all I
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: wanted to do was sleep and pretend that I knew
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: already knew how to drive. And my dad, my dad
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: allowed me to get the car into a ditch. He
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: knew what was going to happen, and he let it
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: happen on purpose. And then when it did happen, I went,
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: why wouldn't you intervene? And he said, because now you
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: get to learn how to get out of a ditch.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: And I got out of the car and I was like,
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: I can walk home from here, not getting out of
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: a ditch.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: My relationship with this car is over.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: I'm done. I will not learn how to drive. It
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: seems stupid and dangerous. Yeah, that a a true story
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: where I was like, I will just get out and walk.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: Oh why would you? And then I'm fighting it. Why
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: would you just let me get a ditch. That's the
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: stupidest thing I've ever witnessed. But you know, what my uncle,
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: real quiet guy, real straightforward. He could take me practice
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: driving and he'd just be like, Okay, Nandley, you can
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: stop right there at the stop side and I'd be like, yep,
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna do that and he'd be like all right, good,
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: And he just brought it me the entire time, And
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like, that's what I need. I need no people
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: in my head because I know how to do it.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: I'm that kid that's constantly like, no, I know how
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: to do it, leave me alone.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: Right, Like, I'm already picturing this in my head, and
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: I just need you to affirm what I think I
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: already know.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: Yes, I'm just paying you for affirmation. That's why I'm
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: taking this class. I just wanted the confirmation that I
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: was already good at this.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you're not teaching me. You were consulting on this.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: Also, like we're human, right, and we've lived a life.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: We've lived through COVID recessions, college dates, all of it.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: At some point we've had to ask for help. And
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: the last time I had to ask for help in
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: a really big way because I wasn't finding real consistent
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: work after COVID. I kept even though I had already
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: been told, Yeah, I'm going to help you out and
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: everything's gonna be okay. I kept going, and I promise
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: I won't be a loser for lawng Like I'm I'm
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: promising to not be a loser for the rest of
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: my life. What does it even mean?
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: It's the unfair expectations that we put on ourselves. But
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: also like our families are kind of you know, and
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: this is not a fault for them, but they're so
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: used to us putting those those you know, requirements on
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: ourselves that they're just going to assume that we know
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: what we're doing how to get out of it, and
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: so we get ourselves in such a mess. Like for me,
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: I'll become like this whirling dervish because I haven't achieved
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: the thing that I am convinced that I'm supposed to achieve,
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: and I just I lose it because I don't know
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: how to conceive of what that is, what that life
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: is like, what that feeling is. And then it's at
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: that point that I talk to my family, my parents
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: and my sisters, and it feels like a much bigger
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: problem because I've made it a much bigger problem of
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: just like I need advice on this. Yeah.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: Well, and when I was a kid, I did have
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: to be like the person who was like, aren't you
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: just gonna make everything okay? And like, for example, my
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: dad chose not to learn how to use a debit card.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know why. I don't know ear he was
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: living in, but he just refused to use it and
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: learn how. And when we would ask him, don't you
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: have a magic card that connects to the money that's
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: in the bank for you, he'd go, that's your mother's business.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: And we'd be like, okay. So he would have fridays
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: off or like summer fridays or whatever and be in
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: charge of us and he'd be like, who wants to
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: go to the water park today? And we'd be like
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: fuck yeah. And he'd be like, Okay, here's the thing.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: Your mom has a pass, but I don't have a pass,
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: so natally, get out your babysitting money. And I would
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: just like look horrified because they done knew that my
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: sister had already spent her money. She doesn't have a
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: care in the world. She's sorry, and who knows what
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: she even spent it on. But I'm a saver. I'm like,
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: I could do anything with this money, and I'm choosing
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: to do nothing with.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: It, neither pay for everybody.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: I had to pay for everybody, And do you know
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: how many boys I would pay for things for to
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: try and get them to like me. I'm like, hey,
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: you want have theise on this pianer sandwich.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: That I do get that I do get, like I
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: am going to prove to you that I am of
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: use to you and then you could love me.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, yeah. So Also a beautiful layer of it
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: is if I didn't pay for him to get to
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: go to the water park, then I've ruined everyone's day
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: and we could have had a nice day. But Natalie
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: decided to be selfish right.
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: When it wasn't your job, No, never our job. So
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: it's never our job to do this. We do it,
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: but it's never our job. We are you're at best
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: like a COO maybe you know, or a senior vice
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: president of the family. We're not in the c suite.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: We're not the CEO. We're not a CEO, we're not
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: a CFO. But the responsibility is on us to make
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: sure things go smoothly. And it could be smaller, big things,
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: but that travels that stays with you.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: It stays with me and like, and sometimes I still
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: get tricked into believing it's not happening. Like when my
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: mom was preparing to leave my dad, she was secretly
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: making me her confidant without saying out loud, and that's
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: why I'm going to leave your dad.
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: She was just telling me things about other people's marriages
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: and like why marriages fall apart and how things happen,
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: and who she was talking to about their marriage falling
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: apart or whatever, and why things change. And I was
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: It was three days before my twenty second birthday when
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: my mom was my dad whatever, and my birthdays on Christmas,
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: and that's why I get to remember.
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: Oh wow.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: So when it happened, I remember calling my aunt and went,
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: I should have figured this out, and she went, why
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: would it be your job to figure this out?
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: Why would you have.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: Put all the red lines together to be like ah,
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: mom's sleeping dad. I solved it. I was like, because
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: the clues were all there. She did this, this, this,
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: and this, and I was her comp like I was
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: her confidant. I should have put it all together.
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: Right, you had to figure it out and then you
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: have to use the option of parent trapping your parents
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: back together, right you that's what movies taught us the kids.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: It's the kids, you know, job to protect their families
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: and not even knowing what the actual dynamics are, you know,
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: with the grown ups, but you have this need to
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: fix it to make it better.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: Well, and my mom didn't get to leave our home
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: with her cell phone at first, but the car. It
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: was when cars used to have phones like built into
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: their Wi Fi system or whatever. I don't know how
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: car phones work without a physical phone. So I kept
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: calling the car and I'm like, I just need to
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: know she's okay. But cars don't have like voicemails. That
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: would be silly. So I was just like I'd find
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: like I'd be by myself and I'd be like, Okay,
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: it's not going to trigger anyone if I call the car.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: And I just kept trying to call the car that
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: one day because I was like, I would just like
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: confirmation that you're fine. You've just devastated my entire family.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: I've literally been to every bank and lawyer in the
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: Tri state area, but could you let me know that
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: you're okay? Because I'm fine.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: And just before cres bed.
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: Yes. I also texted my aunt have you talked to
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: mom today? She went, why would I need to talk
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: to your mother today? I'd be like, I just think
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: it'd be great if some would talk to about today.
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: More's a nudge, nude, nudge, a nudge.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: And they called me instead, And then I had to
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: be like the story carrier of all of that, Like
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: I became the person that it was okay to ask, like, hey,
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: why did your parents break up? I'd be like, okay, yeah,
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: because this isn't my trauma too.
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's such a good term, a story carrier, because yeah,
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: you do. You do carry a lot of things that
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: you probably shouldn't have been privy to you, but as fact,
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: like the rest of your family, So if your younger sister,
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: or for me, my younger sisters asked me questions, I
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: would be the one that would know, like, this is
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: what's going on with the grown ups right now?
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, well, And I think also like I trained
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: myself at a very young age to get over things
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: quicker because they're like I don't know why there's a
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: stop watch on my feelings and how I'm how long
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: I'm allowed to feel about something but I always remember
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: people being so shocked when I had a feeling that
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, and now I have to get
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: over it, because now everyone's in chaos because I big sad,
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: and so I got over my parents divorced light years before.
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: My sister like, I mean honest, like honestly, that's something
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: that maybe just recently happened. And I then became the
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: pancake kid where my mom got to come and visit
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: me one on one in a different state and explained
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: to me why that event had to happen the way
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: that it happened, or happened at all. So they and
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: it's like more things that I'm carying that when my
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: sister says something, I'm like, well, I actually have context
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: on that, But you're never really interested in the context
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: because you still get to be mad. Mm hmmm mm hmm.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: They don't know and they don't know that there's an
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: issue because they have been deemed not ready to know,
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: but you are, and so you have kind of like
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: double weight on you.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. The day that I sat at my grandma's grave
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: and told her, I understand why the why the world
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: makes women cold and mean and bitchy and I forgive
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: you for it. It's because I really wanted to tattle
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: on her to her about how all of her goddamn
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: kids were acting during this funeral, because we used to
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: be a family who acted right, because she would make
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: sure she'd yell at us. She'd be like, oh, we're
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: not acting right, and she'd be flipping her cigarette around
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: and we'd be dodging. We're like, no, we're acting right,
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: we promise. And I literally went to her grave on
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: my way back home and I was like, Grandpapa, no
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: one acted right this weekend. And they all fucking ratted
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: me up, and no one I had to be everyone's
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: cruise director for a fucking funeral. We have a giant family.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: We do funerals once a year, and no one knew
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: how to do it right this time. And I'm crying.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: I've never met my grandpa, and I'm like, what up, Grandpa,
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: excuse me, I have to yell at Grandma for a
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: little bit. And it is It's just like I cried
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: right before my uncle's funeral. My mom had told me
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: I might be too sick to come. What do I
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: do about that? Damnly? And I was like, I don't
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: know those between you and your sister. I don't know
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: I made it. And then she's like, Okay, are you
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: being nice to here? Uncle? He's going through a really
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: hard time. I go, yeah, I am being nice. I'm
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: being everyone's emotional support. Talk. Don't worry. Everybody's pumping. Everything
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: is happening through me. It's fine. And then like if
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: my mom wasn't coming, then my sister wasn't coming because
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: my sister was driving with my mom and my dad
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: had told me that he was coming, and then of
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: course ditched out on it. So then I had to
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: tell my cousins like, oh no, he's not coming. Apparently
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: like that wasn't feasible for him to do, but he
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: did send this plant. Did you see the plants? And
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: so I end up in a few at a different
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: cemetery on my way out of town, just being like Grandma,
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: I get it. I get why the world makes women bitches,
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: because all I wanted to do was scream at all
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: of these people to be like, we know how to
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: do this, and you do it yourself.
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: You're just like I'm just gonna do it myself. And
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: I haven't had the personal experience of having to, you know,
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: be involved the planning of a funeral, but I imagine it
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: would kind of be the same thing. It's like, and
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: it's highly emotional. Everyone's highly emotional about this because a
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: person has been has been lost or I guess you
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: know where they are, but they you know a person
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: is gone, and think you're dealing with that while also
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: trying to steer a ship, and you take it on
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: yourself to do that.
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will say that, Like I still
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: grieve all of the times that I wasn't good at that,
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: Like for my sister's wedding, I but all ghosted and
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: uninvolved myself because I couldn't deal with the pissing match
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: that my mom and dad were gonna have. And then
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: I told myself, and that's why I'll never have a wedding.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: I will instead just one day wake up married to
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: a bombshell, like Gabby Wendy did in January. I will
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: just announce one day that I'm married.
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: I would probably do the same thing.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: Like I solved it. I don't have to go through
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: that because I solved it.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: Or I had a baby six months ago.
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: Rise right, and it did. Like Also, I don't know
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: if this is a capricorn thing or an eldest daughter thing.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: Let's crack it. Sometimes I think was that me being
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: genuinely upset, sad, happy for someone or whatever, or was
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: I mass manipulating the room in the situation?
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: What do you mean?
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: Okay? So it was a Taylor Swift song that made
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: me click on this and it was Mastermind on Midnights
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: and she talks about how like how she sets everything
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: in place because she is the mastermind of everything that
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: she's ever gone through. So like, of course she met
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: and fell in love with me. I had it planned
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: all along from moment one. Of course she wanted to
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: be my friend. Of course she wanted to hire me.
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: I am a mass manipulator. It's never my my talent,
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: my soul, my heart, my ind anything. It's just that
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: I've either cried at the right time or laughed at
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: the right time, or flirted at the right time or whatever,
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: and the entire time I knew what I was doing.
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: Right. And yeah, I can do that because you have to.
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: You question yourself in any like new friendship or relationship.
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: Your question yourself and you're like, do you really like me?
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: Or have I done something to make myself look attracted
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: to you, not physically, but uh you know, logistically, Have
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: I made.
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: Life easy enough for you that you've decided to stay right?
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: And that's the thing. I mean, I have a problem
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: too in that, you know, it's hard for me to
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: like open up and allow new friends to get close
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: to me because I I have like my friends that
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: I'm close with, and it took years for me to
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: get close to them, and especially for me moving to
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: a bit of a different city. You know, that's suthing
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of having to learn to do is to
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: let people just be my friends instead of me having
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: to earn their friendship, you know. Or it's not my
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: responsibility to set up friend dates. If they want to
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: also hang out with me, they can also do that,
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: you know. It's not I don't have to be the
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: usher for a new relationship and make it easier for
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: somebody else to be friends with me or to to
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: love me or be attracted to me. You know. I
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: mean this is coming after years of therapy, I should say.
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think everything I've said and everything every
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: viewpoint I have now is because of therapy and knowing
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: kind of like why do things and how I look
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: at it and why I make myself feel a certain
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: way negative or positive, because I'm considering that in relation
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: to the comfort of other people.
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: And I do think sometimes too, it's why I end Uprinthia.
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: Do you know how many times in a week I
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: think to myself, you should text Alrenthia this year, what
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: she's up to this week, because you love talking to Alrenthia.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: And then my next thought is, don't bother Alrinthia because
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: you want connections today.
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: Well, that's the same way, like I feel like, especially
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: if they're like a new friend, I'm like, okay, we
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: haven't the way my mind, the analytical side my mind
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: is is like, okay, we haven't established a baseline of
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: like how often I text you, how long as a
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: message I should text you, what signifies the ending of
• 51:47
  Speaker 2: a text conversation, and do we have enough of a
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: relationship to actually talk on the phone.
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: Chris de Rosa last week or a couple of weeks ago,
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: he started an email with I'm just copying this email
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: for nandly too because honestly I miss her, and I like,
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: I was at my sister's house. I read it out
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: loud to her. I was like, look, at that, that's hilarious.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: I go, because I yacked his ear off forty five
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: minutes yesterday talking shit about something I was irritated about.
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: So it's nice that he misses me. And I literally screenshot.
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: Said it to him.
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: And when I think, it's really nice that you missed me,
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: considering yesterday I was a wretched trewe who used forty
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: five minutes of your day to complain about something that
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: annoyed me. And then because I knew that it probably
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: also annoyed you, and he was like, no, I really
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: do just like miss talking to you. And I was like,
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: you can call me.
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: I go.
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: They don't even I feel like with Zoom and the
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: pandemic and stuff like now, all of a sudden, our
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: generation is like FaceTime calls have to be scheduled. Phone
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: calls have to be scheduled. I should be able to
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: anticipate every Wednesday. I talked to I'll Anthia on the
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: phone on my way home from work or whatever. But
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you can just call me. I don't have
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: any friends in Indiana who aren't toddlers. You can just
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: I would love I told him, I go. I'd love
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: nothing more than to have a family FaceTime call with
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: you and Hassan.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, appointment conversations because also, I mean you have
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: to and this I think this is a Capricorn thing.
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: This is the Capricorn side of us. Is you want
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: to schedule a conversation in a time where you could
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: be completely present, you know, like you. For me, I'm like,
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: I would rather be on the phone with you for
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: an hour than the ten minutes to check in. And
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: so that leads to me being more isolated because I'm
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: not I'm like, I want to be able to have
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: a real conversation, but I'm not until it's perfect, And
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: so you lose touch with people. But the people who
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: love you know that about you, and they know that
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: to reach out and checking on you because they know
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: that you're probably not going to reach out until you
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: have something substantial to say or something substantial to share.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: Well. And then so I have friends, right Like, I
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: have one friend who I can be on the phone
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: all day with and We've said a total of fifteen
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: words to one another and we interrupted each other the
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: entire time, and then the rest of it was just
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: listening to one another type or breathe.
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: That would make me crazy. I would be like, you
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: know what, I'm gonna.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: Go well, And sometimes I am like, why did you
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: call me? Why did you call me? If we're just
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: gonna listen to one another breathe? Yeah, why'd you call me?
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: If the kids were home? Those kids don't let us
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: have any peace?
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: Why would you call me? Uh?
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: But sometimes I'm just like, well, this is comfortable because
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: it's almost like you've been friends for so long that
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: you're just a sixty year old old couple watching Matt
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: Locke together and not talking about it at all, Like yeah, yeah,
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: just like oh I solved we fortune, but I forgot
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: to say it out loud, so point.
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: For me.
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: Exactly exactly. And but it it is like especially with
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: like you know, we're friends because of the Internet, and
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: like my entire childhood number one friends on the Internet
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: where people I was actively cat fishing or or we're
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: going to kidnap me. Those were the only two poles.
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: There was no MBT me. But now in twenty twenty five,
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: it's so much easier to have friends who live far away,
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm always in our group. Checks
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: just be like, hey, when is someone going on a
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: trip that I could possibly crash because I'd love to
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: also be included, and people are like, we're not just
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: always traveling deadly, and I'm like, I okay, I thought
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: that maybe we could go to the Mall of America
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: for fun.
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: You don't reach out because if you don't think anyone's
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: gonna say yes, even though I can tell you, you know,
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: this is a Rinthia talking to you, not the guest
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: talking to you that people would want to go with you, right,
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: like they all and I'm talking to myself as well
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: as like sometimes all you have to do is to
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: all make the call because maybe someone's waiting for you
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: to call them and ask you, you know. So it's
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: it's it's hard to kind of figure out, and it's
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: hard to ads an adult to make friends anyway. So
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: you add in all of our other issues and anxieties,
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: it makes it so much more difficult, but it's so important.
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: It's important skill to learn to be able to invite
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: someone into your life and be friends or otherwise and
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: not automatically think that they don't want to. And that's
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: something I'm still healing from.
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I really love going to visiting other people
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: because I get to turn off the cruise director in
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: my mind because I'm like, I'm not the expert of LA.
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: I am barely a person who's been to LA, and
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: so someone else will tell me where to eat today
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: because they will know more than me. And I do
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: have like a hierarchy in my mind where I'm like
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: I can bow down to this expert when I'm traveling
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: and other people. That drives people crazy, like well, why
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: wouldn't you just google all the restaurants bl blah blah blah,
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: And I was like, ah, because I do that at
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: home and vacation. To me, I love going to my
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: aunt's house because once I get to her house, I
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: don't have to think anymore, Like I just put my
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: back down in the little guest room in the basement,
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: and then she goes, Hey, your other uncles and aunts
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: are coming over tonight and we're getting pizza from this place.
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: And she knows what pizza I like, so she's already
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: prepped for that. And then she's like and then tomorrow
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: this is how it's gonna go. And I'm like, oh,
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: oh my god. I Whereas like sometimes like my mom
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: and I get caught up and like is it good enough?
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: Like if I take you to this restaurant? Is it
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: good enough if I take you here? Are you having
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: a good time or whatever? And I'm like no. Whenever
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: I go down to Saint Louis to see my aunts
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: and uncles, it's always the same. And that's why I
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: love it, you know I.
• 58:22
  Speaker 2: Love I mean when I go see my parents now,
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm getting the attention that I didn't
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: get as a kid, and usually it's because I'm If
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: I go to see my parents these days, I'm usually
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: the only one of the three of us that's there.
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: But I know, just like you said, I can go.
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: I have my bedroom at my parents' house. I know
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: that my dad cooks breakfast every morning. I know that
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: dinner is promptly on the table at five pm, if
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: not four. My parents are your senior citisens, and we
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: all sit down together and watch, you know, family feud
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: at seven and I have no responsibilities, Like my responsibility
• 59:04
  Speaker 2: is to help my dad put groceries away, or maybe
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: I could be the extra special helper when he's cooking,
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: but I have no responsibilities there. And I feel like
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: my parents are almost kind of making up for that
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: time where when I was younger, and I and my
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: sisters were there. I was probably the one that's cooking dinner,
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: or I was the one I had to make sure
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: that my homework was times I can help other people,
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: and so it's kind of been really great for me
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: to be able to go to see my parents because
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: I've become the I'm able to be in a child's
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: role at that point, you know, Like I heard my
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: parents having an argument about me, and they're like, did
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: you make sure the girl ate? No? Well why not?
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, I'm the girl. I'm right here, I'm
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: in my midpourt myself. But their concern is to making
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: sure that the girl has food or the air conditioning
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: in the girl's room is cool enough because she gets hot. Yeah,
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: And so it's just been it makes me feel all
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: popsy turvy because I'm like, this is what I craved
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: when I was younger, but I didn't know that I
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: craved it because I didn't know it was possible. And
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: so I love going there now. I mean, I would
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: have loved go anywhere anyway because I love my parents.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: But.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: Just like the roles are different.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I tell my mom all the time that one
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: of my favorite things about being a grown up is
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: being my aunts and uncles. Peer. My mom's youngest brother
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: is only twelve years older than me. Yeah, so, and
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: my mom will look at me and I go, no, seriously,
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: Like I have things in common with Aunt Melissa. I
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: have things that make Uncle Matt laugh. And I love
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: being the person that gets to tell him about TV
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: writing and things like that. I go, and I love
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: that no matter what I say to him, he's gonna
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: be like I just listened to an NPR episode about that,
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: and then give me every bullet point for the NPR.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: Like I like being there here. I loved being their niece,
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: but like to be their friend is like a whole
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: new dynamic. And she's so floored by it because I
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: mean that's not something our parents were allotted you. Like
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: she was like, I'm pretty sure your Aunt Donna still
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: thinks I'm twelve years old. And I was like yes,
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: And but that's also why I love going to over
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: to Aunt Donna's house because she will treat me like
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: I'm seven years old, and I love that.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: Like think it would be the kid that you never
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: got to be.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I do see like my mom especially like
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: just trying and again, because we're two eldest daughters who
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: are just always stressed out. Like I'll see her trying
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: to do something nice for me, and then I'll just
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: like bat it away and be like, I don't deserve that.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: I don't care where we go to eat dinner, and
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: then she'd be like, okay, but I don't eat So
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: you have to be the one that cares about where
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: are we going to eat dinner? And we're just batting
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: back and forth because we're mentally ill. And but yeah,
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: it is a whole thing to be like, Like yesterday,
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: I was like, you know, everything technically gets to be
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: play until someone's paying you to do it, and then
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: it's work. Like That's how I want to feel about
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: screenwriting and writing and stuff, because if not, I'll get
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: so bogged down that I won't do it at all.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: Because I've already told Julia, I go, there are too
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: many options for me to work on now when I
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: sit down to write, and she goes, well, what do
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: you mean, I go, well, I could be writing scripts
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: for tiktoks, or I could be writing pitches for guests,
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: or I could be working on my sitcom, or I
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: could be working on the cartoon I have planned out
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: for Penelope, and I go, and now I have decision fatigue.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: So I just sit and stare at the list and go,
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: I get this. None of them I don't like. I
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: don't know. I go, I'm gonna have to like literally
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: assign every day a week of Like on Wednesdays you
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: work on the sitcom. On Thursdays, you work on the cartoon.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: On this day you study other people's work to see
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: if you'll come up with one hundred more ideas to
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: make an outline for and then stop.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 2: Wow, I know that's your Capricorn side.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: I know. Oh my gosh, I wish I knew, Like
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: I feel like I know so much about astrology and
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: so little about astrology. But when I had to say,
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: because I'm a Capricorn son, Libre rising, cancer Moon, and
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: I saw an astrology instagram that was like, all three
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: of those signs in your exact positions have just gone
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: through hell for a decade, a straight ass decade, and
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: your decade of suffering is over. And I was like, Aha,
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: that's what it was. And I said it to you,
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: and I was like, we've been suffering.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: I knew it for me, like I'm slightly different in
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: that I'm a Capricorn sun rising mercury marred venus some
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 2: either are kind of a Sagittarius and I'm a cancer
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: mood and so my whole life has been I feel
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: like chasing order and not having not knowing how to
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: do it for myself. This is just assuming it's going
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: to be there. And I think, like, like sometimes I think,
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: am I leaning into this Capricorn thing because I'm am
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: I basing my personality on what my sin is or
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: it or is my just my personality and the fine
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 2: just confirms what that is, and I think that's what
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: it is. Like I think I've always been this way.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: And you know, regardless of like star placement when you
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 2: happen to be born, I think your personality is your personality.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: But I've learned enough about my star sign, about being
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: Capiforne and about being a cancer moon to understand like,
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, I can kind of conceptualize what this what
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: my feelings are about different things, and how I receive
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: information and how I give I give love, and so
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: you know, I guess I feel like there are people
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: that use their a Hloby signs as a crutch and
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 2: it's just like, oh, sorry, I'm a villain, but I'm
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: a scorpio. But no, you're a scorpio that happened to
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 2: have been born in either a Cobra or November. Or
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 2: you're a weirdo that was born either a Cobra or November.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 2: And you may just be a villain. Because you're a villain,
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: the stars does nothing to pay them. Let's do with that.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 2: It just helps me put a framework on what that is.
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: I know that I have a little bit of a
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: villain in me because every time my nephew is like toddler,
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: devious part of me just like lights up like a
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: Christmas tree and I'm like, yes, let's be dvy.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 2: But do you think it's because you want to be
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 2: devious or because you weren't able to be devious and
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 2: now you're like encouraging.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: It's probably a little bit of both. I do have,
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: like I do have, like you know, a little bit
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: of a dark side, like I do be loving to
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: be a villain. Like that's why when Kendrick was like
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: twenty twenty five, baby, it's the Year of the Hater,
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: I was like, sign sealed, deliver. Don't worry, Kendrick, I'm
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: there let's bring back mean girl culture. I bet.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: Maybe I mean this is like and this is be
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: talking now as a Capricorn, I was an know who's daughter,
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 2: but someone who's who's a counselor. I would venture to
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 2: guess that's because you weren't able to act out before
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 2: and now you have the ability to set boundaries, state
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: what you believe in, be what you want to be.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 2: And we've been taught to like that that's villain is
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 2: to be years go to enjoy something that doesn't that
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 2: has doesn't have to make sense or doesn't have to
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: fit in some sort of both. And so I think, like,
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's almost like it's not villainy, it's freedom.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 2: And you're seeing that, you're seeing that your nephew is
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 2: able to have that freedom, and you're like, I wasn't
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: able to do that. Let's let's paint on the wall,
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: let's do it. Let's let's break a rule and feel wrong.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: When my sister was having the second baby and she
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: was like, why did you just watch him hide all
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: of his pacifiers and stow them away so he could
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: have them when we didn't want him to have them?
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: And I was like, because I respected the hustle, Like
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: I watched him plan it out and I was like, well,
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna I go. It felt detrimental to his
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: like mental like upbringing or development to be like no, no, no,
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: don't play them things out and be smarter than all
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: of us. Like, so I just let him do it.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: I go, and then we touched foreheads so we could
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: just combine our evil powers together and moved on with
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: our day. But yeah, I do think a lot of
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: it is that, you know, I didn't let myself act
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: out at all when I was a kid, like the
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: not going to r rain and movie things, And I
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: think I always felt like college was supposed to be that,
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: Like I thought I was going to like sow And
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: then I went to a Catholic small college where everybody
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: knew everybody's business and wanted you to go camping with
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: them in the name of the Lord. And I was like, no,
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: thank you, no thank you. I don't care about your
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: little matching necklaces, No thank you. I hate camping. But yeah,
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 1: so I do think that like part of my wild
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: thirties is just like the whole like being okay with
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 1: being new at screenwriting and like literally writing down things
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: for me where it's like all Arnthea said, you weren't
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: new because it's lived within you forever. You've just found
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: it and like doing that, like that's huge for me
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: to just be like okay with showing up to a
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: workshop and being like, holy fuck, these people have actually
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: done things and I'm just like, Hi, I have a
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: podcast and I care about feminism.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, instead you your background is just as valid as
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 2: anybody else's, you know, it doesn't I mean, and that's
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: one of the things I kind of learned about about
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 2: Hollywood as a concept, is like it doesn't at the
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 2: end of the day, it doesn't matter like what you've
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 2: done in the past, and we're level it you're at
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 2: because we it is in the maritocracy. It's like it's
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: what you want to do and what you want to
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 2: do with the stuff that you have. You know. For me,
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm pretty much like a beginner in the industry.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 2: I've been in this for like maybe three and so
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 2: I may not know as much as somebody who's been
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 2: in it for like fifteen years, but my viewpoint isn't
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 2: any less valid, or my talents aren't any less you know,
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: usable you know, information is information, but if you have
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 2: the talent already, that's what matters.
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I do think that, like being an eldest
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: daughter made me comfortable in any room that I was
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: going to be in because I was always you know,
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: either an adult or a kid or the babysitter of
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: the kids. Like, so I do like find myself. Like
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 1: my friends love to push me at famous people and
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: be like say hi to that person. So they will
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: say hi to me, and I'm like okay, and I'm
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: like hello, nice job today at the Broadway play that
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: we all just saw, this is my friend. You're the
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 1: emissary I am. I am the career director. I would
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: probably be the most tired bitch on white lotus.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: That's who we are.
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: That's who we are.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 2: We are and for me too, Like I have an
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 2: extra layer of being a military kid too, And so
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 2: military kids are just expected to adapt because when you
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: grow up, I grew up in an army. So in
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 2: growing up in the military, like you learned from a
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: very young age that the mission, whatever mission your parents
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 2: are on as military members, like, that's your job too.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 2: And you if you are moving you've been in a
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: place for like three years and you've made friends and
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 2: now you have to move again. It sucked, but it's
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: part of the greater mission that we're all part of.
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: And then like, your your job is support, is to
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 2: support whatever parent is in the military in their carrying
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 2: out of this mission. And so I was one of
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: the lucky ones that didn't have to move as much,
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 2: but I had friends that had to move every three years.
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: And so for me, and that's another like a layer
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 2: to like, how why it's kind of weird for me
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 2: to make friends because I'm used to in leaving. I'm
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 2: used to in going after a couple of years, and
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 2: I had to make a new best friend every three years,
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 2: you know. And so I think, like maybe as as women,
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: as Capricorns's eldest daughters, like we're given this framework and
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 2: we're not given the choice to do anything else, and
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 2: it affects as an adults. It needs to be studied,
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 2: It truly does.
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 1: Like, honestly, I would love to know brain stuff about
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: eldest daughters compared to youngest daughters, middle daughters, only daughters. Well,
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 1: sometimes I think only daughters have it worse than us,
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 1: because yeah, there's no one to bounce that off of
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: some times as an eldest daughter, you can delegate.
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, you can delegate because you have somebody else
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 2: that's on your level, you know, and in some way.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 2: But you and I also think of like oldest sons, right,
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 2: they're automatically, you know, expected to be the man of
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 2: the man of the house. If the actual man of
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: the house is like incapacitated or gone, that responsibility falls
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 2: on them. And but they're not even just responsible for
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 2: like any other kids in the in the house, there's
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 2: a for supporting their mother as well. And so like
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 2: eldest children as a collective, like there's so many things
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 2: that are going on, but with daughters in particular, is
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 2: that emotional weight that you have you're expected to carry
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 2: on for the family and take care. Like if you
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: allow me to be really nerdy right now, I'm thinking
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 2: of like the Borgia's right in Italy and the god
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 2: what was his name, Eduardo, whichever Borgia was, the pope
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 2: had two sons and a daughter, right that the sons
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 2: were like, you know, one was in the church and
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 2: they were supporting their dads, you know, vaccinations, but the
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 2: daughter was one that was like, okay, you're married, your
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 2: husband died. We need you to marry this person now
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 2: because we need this alliance. And now that husband says
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 2: that I need to marry this other person now, and
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 2: like she was sent out as like this automatic ambassador
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 2: with her body to bring back the you know, the
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 2: power for men. And she's the only daughter.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, what do you think has been your biggest
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: lesson about being an old eldest daughter.
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's a good question. I think the biggest lesson
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 2: is that I'm off duty now. Yeah, my sis, they're
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: grown up. I'm grown up. They're not even just grown up.
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 2: They're in their forties also, and so no one needs
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 2: me to be the hero all the time. And having
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 2: to deal with like the fact that I don't have
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 2: to be in charge and something that's free, like I've
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 2: decided that you know, I don't. I've come from and
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 2: I'm sure you're the same way. Overachiever was doing great
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 2: in school within five or six clubs. We're probably the
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 2: president of five of the six of those clubs. And
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 2: now for me, like I don't have to do that,
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 2: I don't have to prove my work through my accomplishments.
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 2: I can focus on the things that I want to
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 2: do for my personal career, and I think that's what's
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 2: helped me the most. Now it's a little bit different
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 2: because my parents are older and so I'm also kind
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 2: of going into that caretaker role for them. But at
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 2: the end of the day, like, I am able to
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 2: do that on my own terms, and if I'm going
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 2: to be a caretaker, I do it because I want you,
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 2: not because I feel like I have to. Like I
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 2: love my parents and I honored to be able to
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 2: take care of them, but there's no hidden contract that
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 2: says they have to do that, and that sets you
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: free a little bit.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: I do think that my biggest lesson has been, like,
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 1: you know, you don't have to be so available, like
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: because I mean just a Sully example is this Friday,
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 1: my dad and his wife can't use their tickets to
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: singing in the rain, but I'm working for my sisters
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: on Friday because I like holding babies, and it's always
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: easier to be in a house with two grown ups
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 1: in a baby than to be the solo person in
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 1: a house peen while also being in charge of a baby.
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 1: Like so as I was like, okay, well I could
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: somehow also get cleaned up and then Finally I just
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 1: told my dad. I was like, it's not going to
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: work because I already told them, like I want to
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: do this instead. And I was just like you and
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: just eat the cost of your tickets. I don't know.
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 1: I was like, it's not actually my responsibility to make
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 1: sure that your tickets get used. Just eat it. I
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 1: guess I don't know, but yeah, what would you manifest
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 1: for the eldest daughters out there?
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 2: Well, that's hard. It's a hard question because it's like
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 2: the thing that I would manifest. Is it different for
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 2: oldest daughters that are still living with their families and
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 2: oldest daughters that are grown up like us? And so
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 2: I feel like we're the grown up the people who
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 2: are like out of the house. Grown up is you
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 2: are able to take time for yourself and discover who
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 2: you are and discover like what makes you tick when
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 2: it's not in service of anybody else, and you learned
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 2: how to be in service of yourself. You know, I
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 2: didn't really learn my whole life. I thought it was
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 2: an extrovert because it was out and doing things and
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 2: running stuff and blah blah blah. But when all that
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 2: was taken away during quarantine, where you physically couldn't do
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 2: anything but sit in your house and worry about yourself.
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 2: If you're single, anyway I was single, you were single.
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 2: That Oh, being in a crowd or being with people
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 2: can be really exhausting for me. And I need to
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 2: be able to have more in a day, in a
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 2: week to recover from that. I need to have something
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 2: called introvert Sundays where I, you know, I wasn't responsible
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 2: for anything having to do with any of It's like
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 2: my five jobs that I had, or making sure people
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 2: had things, or calling things or or organizing things. I
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 2: would just be able to rot on the count and
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 2: watch TV. And I would feel guilty about that. But
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 2: I need But now, I mean now, at this point,
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 2: I know I needed it. I know that if I'm
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 2: going to a party with somebody like I went. You know,
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 2: I went to an Oscar party on Sunday on Monday.
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 2: I was exhausted, and not because I didn't want to
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 2: hang out with my friends that I went to our
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 2: COO friends and Lee loved being with her, But it's
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 2: being surrounded by all these people and having to look
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 2: on and be of Hollywood and be of the movie
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 2: industry that like would you allow yourself to relax, like
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 2: you feel like you lose that the tension goes away,
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 2: you feel tired, you realize how much you were twisting
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 2: up to be a performer.
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 1: No, yeah, I feel that because I love a rot day.
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 1: But I also like because on Oscar Sunday, I wasn't
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 1: at the party with you, but I was in group chats,
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I was like, those people
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 1: are wrong. I'm right, Academy is also wrong, like this,
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: that and the other, like or you live at yourself.
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm used to being on like two or
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 2: three group chats during things like that, and what I've
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 2: been doing this year, I mean, now the war teason
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 2: is over, It's like, Okay, I have one group chat
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 2: that I'm participating in on a regular like rate throughout
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 2: this show because I can't give like observations to this
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 2: and my observations to another group of friends are gonna
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 2: be completely different. So I was like, Okay, this is
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 2: this is our group chat that I'm focusing on.
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 1: That was smart my manifestations and my lesson me or yours.
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 1: So I'm not gonna come up with word salad to.
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 2: Just repeat what you say.
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: Because I value our energy and our time. But I'll Renthia,
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: thank you for always being willing to jump on and
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: do this.
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 2: Of course, of course I hope, I hey, I mean,
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 2: I hope I was helpful. I hope I was helpful.
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 2: See all of you out in podcast.
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 1: What kind of things would you like to plug it to?
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 1: Podcast Land?
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 2: Well, podcast land. You can follow me on Instagram, Twitter
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 2: when I have the notion thread blue sky. When I
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 2: remember that I have it, I'm all Renthia on everything on.
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 2: You can follow my blog at a Rinthia cotter dot
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 2: com and my photography at helpnfilter dot com, which I'll
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 2: send all that to you. And yeah, just watch TV
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 2: and support people who bring you entertainment, who write it,
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 2: film it, produce it, act in it. You know great
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 2: things for it. Enjoy those people and shout them out
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 2: and support the.
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 1: Effort and start enjoying the things that you're watching again.
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 1: I feel like that's what irritates me the most. Like
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 1: the entire time that we were watching the Oscars, someone
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 1: wanted to boo something because it was like taking up time.
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 1: I was like, I like it when the people presenting
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 1: the award say something nice about each nominee because then
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 1: it feels like it's worth all of our time.
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I love hearing the speeches, even though even the
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 2: speeches that are bad, because you have people at like
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 2: their most shocked moment, even if they were expecting to win,
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 2: and they have to talk about themselves in like forty
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 2: five seconds in a huge ball gal and kind of
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 2: like a thousand people in the room and like, you know,
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 2: like how Beyonce could be there? Can you imagine happen
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 2: to like say a speech and they be like, oh,
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 2: I like to thank my manager is zero gravity and
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 2: my mom and my dad where you're zeroed in on
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 2: Beyonce in the crowd. So I always I always like
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 2: to support people when they're giving them speeches.
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 1: I literally think that when I went an award, should
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 1: the person who got to say my name when I
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: want it is so what I admire. I'm gonna make
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 1: them hold my hand with me. I'm gonna be like, no,
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 1: you get to stand here with me. It's solidarity of this.
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 1: I can't think of, well, who am I thinking of?
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 1: Like Jennifer, you get to stand here with me?
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 2: Like, oh, but Sean Baker right at the oscars uh
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 2: he I can quit in Tarantino Worth presenting, and he
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 2: was saying, you know, if you hadn't cast Mikey Madison
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 2: and want upon time in Hollywood, you know, who knows
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 2: how she would have made it. Her pass would have
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 2: led her to Anora, you know. And so I think
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 2: it's cool to give people their short flowers.
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 1: It also humanizes the ceremony because everyone who doesn't watch
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 1: it is always like it's just big Hollywood in a
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 1: wards don't matter and blah blah blah. But it's like, well,
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 1: if you actually watched it and understood that, like at
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 1: the Bay saying, it is art and people care about
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 1: their art, and people care about other people's art, and
• 1:24:04
  Speaker 1: people care about how other people's are influenced their art,
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 1: then it's beautiful. Like watching Ariana Grande watch Cynthia Revo
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 1: hit that run. I'm like, I'll cry every time. I
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 1: will cry every time. Well, Tolerators you can find us
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 1: on Instagram and I have tolerated pod Natley K one
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 1: two four on TikTok Instagram and blue Sky sometimes and
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 1: we are on YouTube and reels and shorts do end
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 1: up over there and that's where all the men are
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 1: in their meat so it would be great if you
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 1: were over there. But remember, tolerators. You don't have to
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 1: smile through Adie think you're tolerating, including being made to
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 1: be an adult at ten years old because everyone's tired
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 1: and it's always easier when there's a third adult real exactly, Yep,
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 1: smiles are for joy