Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / Relationship Anarchy: Breaking Free from Expectations and Assumptions | Season 4 EP 93

Transcript

Relationship Anarchy: Breaking Free from Expectations and Assumptions | Season 4 EP 93 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Around the Kinky Campfire.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Grab a seat, pour a drink and let's turn up the heat.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: This is the podcast where we explore the wild, wonderful and sometimes wicked world of kink, bdsm and alternative lifestyles.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Whether you're a seasoned player, a curious newbie or just here for the stories, we've got something for you.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Join us on Thursdays on your favorite podcast platform as we share experiences, dive into deep discussions and maybe even spark a little fire of your own.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: No shame, no judgment, just real talk around the Kinky Campfire.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Let's get lit.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Let's get lit.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: One of many names, as you heard before, but now I've come to figure out who exactly I am officially.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Hh Julius Marquis is here for you, your relationship spotter, your entertainment creative.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling fancy today, and today I will be talking about my favorite subject relationshiphip Anarchy.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: We are not going to bullshit, we are not going to hit you with any fluff.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: No farts, no sharts, no shits.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: It's officially Relationship Anarchy episode and season 3, episode 2.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: As we have these restarts Getting more Intentional, we shall say I was going to say less silly, but of course you can hear my voice.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: That is not how it's going to be.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: But serious topic, serious topic, serious topic.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: We'll go with that Relationship anarchy.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I mentioned before before that I am interested in teaching this.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: This is a class that I'm going to mix in an intro to Relationship Anarchy with a mix of non-traditional means, techniques to get you out of that comfort zone, because people often ask the question how do I introduce this to my partner of so many months and years, with some days added on?
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: And I'm here for you, as your spotter, to introduce games that get you out of your comfort zone, games, techniques to get you out of your comfort zone and get those conversations started.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: We are fans of fucking up, making mistakes and learning from them and growing.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: You cannot grow without making mistakes.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: This voice is hurting my throat.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: We'll see how much longer this lasts.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm back to normal now.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: That cough I don't know where that came from.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: That voice was kind of crazy.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I was feeling formal there for a second.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: It just came forth from me but I coughed and it's gone now.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Oh well, okay.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: So relationship anarchy Not going to go super into the tenets of relationship anarchy, because I will do that in the class, but I want to get personal with y'all and say why I want to teach it, why it resonates with me and I have been living with it, which we will go into the backstory of it.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I've been living with it.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Is it a disease?
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: What?
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Living with it?
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: I've been living the lifestyle now and experiencing it for a good four years.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: I was introduced to it after I learned about polyamory and I was like relationship anarchy, non-hierarchical, no expectations.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: The relationship will develop as it is and they're all independent of each other and myself, because myself is the greatest relationship I could have with With do.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: The greatest relationship I could have I almost got fancy again the greatest relationship I could have is with myself.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: So my thoughts on relationship anarchy is it's a big buzzword now, I think, along with like gaslighting and narcissists.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: People just throw it out there.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: They don't know the fuck they're talking about.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I think solo, solo relationship or so, not even solo poly.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: It's like solo relationships are big on the TikToks and stuff like that.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I'm solo, yeah, you're dating yourself, but that doesn't mean you have to be an asshole.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: So relationship anarchy doesn't mean that like, oh, I have a nesting partner or a spouse or something, so I can treat everybody else like they're lower than Like I understand.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: If you have a primary, okay, you have a primary Cool Doesn't mean that doesn't give you an excuse to be an asshole to other people Like you can't.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Just well, you can.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: But as far as I'm concerned, in this world of around the kinky campfire, julia says you can't just drop people.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: I don't care if you listen to me or not, I don't even care about being right.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: I forgot to say that before.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: I don't care if you think I'm right or not.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: I am doing it the way I see fit and, from the research that I found, this is how I interpret the facts.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: You is so messed up when I hear people oh, I was in this relationship with somebody and they claim to be relationship anarchy and they just drop the relationship.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: It's like, wow, no, no, I don't.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I don't agree with that.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: I'm not the type of person to do that.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: I go into relationships and it's intentional.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Intentional relationships.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Relationships are, as far as I'm concerned, to build on something.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be a super serious something.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: I don't want to make it like, oh, we gotta get to marriage, because y'all know I don't really believe in it.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Not against it, just don't see a point.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: I don't understand the thing of marriage.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: I want the federal governing body to dictate how I run my relationship.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: No, I'm good, thank you very much.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: I think you just make the rules and change them however they see fit.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: No, I'm good, thank you very much.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I'll have a discussion with my partner about all the things involved in our relationship and the laws and everything surrounding all that.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Whatever the laws and everything surrounding all that, whatever the point, is you you just a jerk for like dropping people and blaming it on relationship anarchy?
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Stop blaming a label for your selfish actions horrendous, I believe.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Relationship anarchy is then, no expectations going into a relationship and then also, I like my partners, but they have no influence on my other partners.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: It's great and of course, the relationship with myself, and I say no influence, like I value their opinion, but I'm gonna do what I think is right for myself and for everybody else, and my partners have a say in it a little bit, but they can always have the choice of ending the relationship if they see fit.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I think I'm a great partner and I try to be a great partner, but if I have a partner who doesn't agree with that, then it's like why are we in a relationship in the first place?
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Why do we get in a relationship in the first place, but each relationship is independent of the other ones.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: What I do and say with this one partner does not dictate what I do and say with this other partner and how we conduct our relationship.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: It just doesn't happen, and that is one of the tenets, I believe, of relationship anarchy and that's how I choose to practice my relationships.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: I just feel like everything that was stated in the manifesto of relationship anarchy works for me, so I agree with it.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: I will be using it henceforth until the end of time or some other facts become aware to me and I decide to use those instead, because I am an able-bodied person and I can have whatever relationship I feel is best for me and use what I want in the relationship and toss out what I don't want.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: So there you go.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: It has served me well, like I said, four years being in it, and my experience with it has gone well.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: My experience with it has gone well.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I had the hardest difficulty, or is the hardest difficulty for myself, is explaining it to new partners.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I do say that I will be educating on this, but with my partners I am not an educator, I am a partner, I am an intimate resource there and a source of safety, or at least I strive to be Okay for them.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: So if I have a partner and we've been together for years, they don't know what relationship anarchy is, then I don't feel like I've done anything for them.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: If they have a question, I will help them for it and give them a resource, but I'm not there to teach them.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: That's not my job.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not subscribing to that.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: So if my partner chooses not to believe in relationship anarchy or chooses not to participate in it and knows all the facts about it, that's on them.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I will take an assessment at that time and be like okay, why, I need to know why and what's going on, and then we will negotiate a proper relationship if we decide to stay together.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: So I just want to get that assumption out of the way.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: That's something I had to realize with myself recently and it's like I am a partner, I'm not a teacher.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: So I teach other people that are out there and want to know these things, but I'm not in a relationship with them.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: That's not my job.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I'm here to be a partner for my partners, be an intimate source, safety net here that they can come to and we can cuddle and do all the different things together that, uh, that partners do.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: So I just wanted to say that right there.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Uh, my experience with it is great.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: I'm liking it.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: So far, I don't see anything necessarily that doesn't align with me.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say wrong, because it's not.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: It's not a right or wrong thing as far as I'm concerned.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: You try the different things, see if it works and if it doesn't, then take it out of your relationship.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Big fan of experimenting here, you might as well call me Dr HH, dr HH, julius.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: I have two prefixes Doctor and HH.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I'm fine with that.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Not an actual doctor, and I think it's funny when people make an assumption oh, your relationship, our anarchy, you're this Like.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: No, no, you can ask questions.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Ask me questions.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Don't just assume I'm this just because I have this identifier.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say labels, but labels are annoying sometimes.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: We did an episode on labels, but it's like it's just kind of like a place to spring off of, is like, if you identify as like omnisexual or an amber bird or something, it's like, oh, okay, what does that mean to you?
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: It's like I don't understand why people don't ask this question.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: What does that mean to you?
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Fuck, stop making assumptions.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Holy shit, people just hear that.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: See that label on you.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, you're this or you're a sadist.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: It's like, yes, but not all pain is pleasure, not all pleasure is pain.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: There's other ways to sadistically torment somebody without causing them pain.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: How many orgasms is too many?
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: That's the question we need to ask ourselves Everybody.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Ask yourself, how many orgasms is too many?
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Anyways, that's the sadist part coming out.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Back to topic.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, so why is it helpful for everybody?
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: I believe the relationship of anarchy is helpful for everybody because if you practice it correctly as far as Julius is concerned, you will have to check in with yourself all the time.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: It's like is this relationship benefiting me?
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: And the relationship I'm talking about is with yourself.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: That should be the first relationship you always check in with, I would say on a daily basis.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: It's like am I doing all these things because one, I want to and two, am I doing it in an intentional way and not being an asshole about it?
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Because relationship anarchy does take practice, people.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: I practice it every day and I fuck up once again all the time.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: I'm going to keep saying I fuck up all the time.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: I make mistakes, but I learn from them.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I learn something.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: It might not be the quote-unquote right thing, but I learn something and I will take it to future relationships and future interactions.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: And I will also say it's also not just romantic relationships, however you want to call that with a partner.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I would say friendships are relationships as well, for family is a relationship as well.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: So I would say you can umbrella term relationship, anarchy and all those different things also.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: It's not just for non-monogamous people.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: I will say that as well.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: It is also for monogamous people.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Take an account of how your, how your relationship with yourself is affecting your relationship with your loved ones and, uh, make a notes and see how.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Just like, do metrics, like I don't like make journal, I don't know, do it, make a diary, however you want to do that, take, take notes, do pros and cons lists with yourself.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I feel like people just kind of disassociating, like cruising through life and not thinking about these things like why?
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Just ask yourself why?
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Why do I do the things on a day-to-day basis?
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: Why do I go to this particular job on this particular day?
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Why do I react this way when I have a partner that does this thing to me?
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: Is it triggering?
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Why is it triggering?
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Why do I care, ask these questions of yourself?
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Why Just want to spark some self-awareness there?
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: I believe that's this change as your relationship spotter.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: That's the first thing we're going to do.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: We're going to ask why.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: We're going to answer, why what sparks the initial motivation towards change?
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Self-awareness.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: That's what I believe, and I believe that relationship anarchy is a way to keep inspiring those questions to be asked.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: If nothing else, oh, fancy, julius is about to come out again.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: I hear you people out there, you capsers or whatever you call yourselves.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I, his Royal Highness the Royal Julius, is here to inspire you to change your ways and think about questions and make a mention.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Note, I will not say the all-hated M-word no, not that word for little people the meditation word that people always hate.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Ah, meditation, why would I want to think about my thoughts and have them ruin my day?
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: But I am a fan of the meditation because it helps to ground you in the process of getting to meditation and then, hopefully, you'll become self-aware and, at the end, be able to deal with your uncomfortableness.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, your uncomfortableness.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, it paid you so much, you poor, poor people, to be uncomfortable.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Why can I have just no silence.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: I have to constantly look at my phone because I can't listen to all the thoughts in my head, my own thoughts.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: They plague me.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Oh you poor thing.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: Oh you poor baby Must have a phone all the time, even when you are taking your shits on the toilet.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Oh, I must have my phone because I can't handle boredom.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Oh you poor, poor thing.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: But His Royal Highness Julius is here for you.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I'm here to inspire the thoughts that you have in your head and to think about those things and ask the question why, oh why, about those things?
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: And ask the question why, oh why?
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: Why must I have these thoughts?
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: I'm a person, but I've been thinking and I can't handle my own thoughts.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: Oh you poor, poor thing.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: It's so painful.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: I'm back now.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: What happened?
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Well, was his royal highness here?
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness, you do not want to see that person in person.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: It's really tough.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: But hi, I'm here, julius, your relationship spotter.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: His Royal Highness had to grace you with his presence.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: He's a real jerk.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: I'll say that right now.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: You thought David Coggins was a jerk.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: No, that guy's a jerk.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: Making you think that horrible, horrible person.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: I don't like it.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Making me think my thoughts.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, a little comedy there for y'all.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you enjoyed that.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: As we end this episode, I will say that I am once again going to be teaching classes on relationship anarchy hopefully being on podcasts that let me talk about these kind of things and I'm going to fight those imposter syndromes.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: It makes me very uncomfortable to talk about these things and then I don't know that's not even acting like because I live it, so it's like that.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: But I don't have any like special degrees in anything.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: I don't have any certifications or doctorates or anything like that.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: As far as that concerns, that really inspires like some serious imposter syndrome.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: But I'm going to talk about it because you know what is my experiences and my opinions as I see fit.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: There are facts out there, literally videos and articles about this kind of thing, and I can have an opinion on that.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: You know what.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: I am a person.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I have feelings, I have emotions and I can talk about it and I have recording devices.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: I know how to work electronics.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: So I put this out out here for you all to listen to and I'm going to talk about it.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: So you know what, if you don't want to listen, don't have to listen.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: But once again, thank you, cancers, for listening and downloading.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you all, especially those ones that kept downloading the episodes when I was on my break.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Thank you, and I will strive to be a better podcaster or host or whatever it is, and get these episodes out to you on a regular basis.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Keep you updated on the goings-ons of what I'm doing.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you'll see my face more at some point and hear me more in different outlets besides just this podcast.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Look forward to all that and we will fight the anxiety of teaching.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: We did a podcast so we can talk to people in front of people as I speak to myself and psych myself up.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: That's a thing I do psych myself up.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: You guys are just listening to my internal thoughts as I speak them out loud and just kind of eavesdropping.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: But, yeah, if you have any questions or anything or have any pointers on teaching or something like that, that is my actual degree in education, but I just yeah, I'm not for the regular school system, working for the government.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: I don't think that's going to be a thing for me.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: I will do independent teaching where people adults pretty much will be there to listen to what I have to say, because, yeah, I don't feel like.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is content for adult people for the most part, just like this podcast.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, so that is all I have to say for this episode.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Once again, this is HH Julius Marquis here.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: Your entertainment creative, your relationship spotter, the royal wee, was coming out again.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Listen to the socials, the Instagrams and the exes Twitter, whatever it is, and emails, and let me know if you have questions or pointers on relationship anarchy.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: Tell me what you think, what you've heard and all those kind of things.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: I feel like he's getting more into the mainstream media, getting a hold of it and talking about it Interesting.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: That is it for now.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Hello, that's a wrap for this episode of the Around the Kinky Campfire podcast.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: We love having you by the fire and we'd love to hear from you.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Got a kinky question, a steamy story or a topic you want us to cover?
• 19:59
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• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review wherever you're listening.
• 20:10
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• 20:14
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• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Until next time, stay safe, stay sexy and keep that fire burning.