Latest / Chatting with Cara - The Relationship with Food Podcast / The one tool I use with every single client

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The one tool I use with every single client · Chatting with Cara - The Relationship with Food Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello, welcome to Chatting with Cara.
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  I'm Cara, your compassionate life coach, relationship with
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  food specialist, and I'm here to help you understand yourself a
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  little bit better each week. However you found your way here
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  today, I'm glad you're listening.
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  Maybe your friend sent you this episode, maybe you've been with
• 0:17
  me from the start, or maybe you're just curious about doing
• 0:20
  things differently when it comes to food, your body, and how you
• 0:24
  feel about yourself. Whatever bought you here, you're
• 0:27
  in the right place. Here's what I do on the show.
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  I have honest, kind conversations about the stuff
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  that's actually holding you back.
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  Not the surface. Several stuff, the deep stuff,
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  the root causes. Because when you truly
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  understand why you think and feel the way you do, then
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  everything starts to change. It doesn't feel hard anymore, it
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  just feels natural. So get comfortable, make
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  yourself a big, and let's have a proper chat about the things
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  that matter. This is Chatting with Karma.
• 0:57
  Hello and welcome to this week's Chatting with Carla.
• 1:01
  Now, a little bit of a different one for you this week because I
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  realised that I go deep in these podcasts and the last few weeks
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  we've had quite a few deep podcasts.
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  We don't know you'd probably like.
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  To be fair, I like going deep. But today I thought I'd share a
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  little bit of something that I do with my clients that works
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  really well and I don't see anyone else talking about it.
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  I don't know why, I don't know why I don't see other coaches,
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  other people talk about it because this is the one thing
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  that helps really well with mindset shifts.
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  And today I am talking about Drummore.
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  Please, curiosity. What?
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  Cara, what? So this podcast is all going to
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  be about curiosity and how I use it within my business to coach
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  my clients who have difficult relationships with food and they
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  want it to feel easy. I know you're probably thinking
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  What Car you've, you've definitely lost the plot.
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  Now bear with me. So when I talk to people,
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  there's a lot of shame around eating patterns.
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  There can be a lot of secret eating.
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  There can be a lot of shame around what they eat, how they
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  eat, when they eat, how much they eat, what they don't eat so
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  much, so much. And that can be external shame
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  and it can be internalised into them.
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  So that is one thing that I really want to take away from
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  clients, some from people, people like, I don't want anyone
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  to be ashamed of anything that they do in regarding to food.
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  And we need to erase that shame. So I'm trying, I'm trying my
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  best to erase it. And one thing that I do which
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  helps with that is to change the lens that you look through, to
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  change your view, your map of the world.
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  And we have the same things come up with the same information,
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  but if we look at it not through shame lens, not through another
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  stick to beat yourself up with, but through a curiosity lens.
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  If you were through a curiosity lens, it changes what you do,
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  how you think, how you feel and the behaviours.
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  So acting with curiosity is something that I say to my
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  clients all the time. And this means that basically,
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  right, So something's come up for you, something's happening,
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  you've got a craving, you are really hungry.
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  All of a sudden it's like, right, OK, let's not be like,
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  oh, I shouldn't be eating. Oh, I shouldn't be this hungry.
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  Let's act with curiosity. Be like, alright, what's going
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  on here now? What's going on for me actually?
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  Have I not eaten? Has it been five hours since
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  I've eaten my breakfast? Oh yeah, probably eating some
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  food then. Oh, I'm absolutely starving and
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  I've just eaten my tea though. But I need to do dinner, bath
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  and bed for the kids and they're feral.
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  Can anyone relate? Instead of going like, oh, I
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  shouldn't be hungry, I shouldn't be feeling this, be like, oh,
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  actually curiosity. Oh, I actually don't really want
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  to do dinner, bath and bed because the kids are all over
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  the place. It's acting with curiosity.
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  Curiosity did not kill the cat. It made the cat wiser, less
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  shameful, and All in all better. Now, this is a really tricky
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  concept to get your head around sometimes when you don't act
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  with curiosity about anything else in your life, curiosity,
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  it's like, oh, we, we don't do that, do we?
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  But I do this quite a lot in my personal life where it's like,
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  what's actually going on for this person?
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  What's the environment they're in?
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  What is their map and view of the world?
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  And once you can see that with curiosity, you're like, that
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  makes sense. Yes.
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  If you do that for yourself, especially around food, it
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  shifts your mindset because you no longer internalise what you
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  quote UN quote, should or should not be doing.
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  It's just information that you then have to process, that you
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  then have to bring some conscious awareness to that you
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  then have to make an informed decision with.
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  So it's information that we want in the form of cravings, in the
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  form of emotional dysregulation, in the form of habits, in the
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  form of repeating patterns that we can then look at through a
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  different lens of curiosity. Be like, what is going on here?
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  What is going on here and how can I deal with it instead of
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  internalising it. Be like I shouldn't be doing
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  this, I shouldn't be feeling this, I should, I should be
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  doing better. That keeps people stuck in the
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  same patterns, in the same habits, in the same emotional
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  dysregulation. And once you can see it be like,
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  Oh yeah, curiosity. Oh yeah, actually, I feel this
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  because of that. I don't have to feel that
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  because this, because I can do this, done that in my care.
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  That would be better. Not on a podcast.
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  That makes sense. But curiosity is one thing that
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  I really, really try and lean into with my clients because
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  once you act with curiosity as well, there's no right or wrong.
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  And I would say 90% of my clients have black or white
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  thinking where they are right or they are wrong.
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  They are on or off, they are off track or on track.
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  And when you can't be right or you can't be wrong, the whole
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  world opens up to you because then you decide, oh, this is
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  just information. It's information that you have
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  to process. It's not a stick to beat
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  yourself up with. It's not something that you need
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  to treat yourself with. It's not something that you need
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  to celebrate. It's just information.
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  And the more information you have about yourself, the better
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  you can process that information.
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  Once you've processed that information, brought
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  consciousness awareness to it, conscious awareness to it, then
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  you can make an informed decision.
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  And what you do might be the same, but how you think and feel
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  about it will be different. And if you're someone whoever
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  presses the fuck it button, you will know that it's not easy to
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  break that. But actually when you go, oh
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  actually I have been out for a meal and I'm just going to have
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  another dessert when I get home. Have it because you brought
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  conscious awareness to it. If you then have another dessert
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  and then the next day you think, oh soddy, I've had two desserts.
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  I'm going to eat chocolate for breakfast.
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  I'm going to not do my lunch because I'll just have whatever
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  snacks there are in the in the office and then I'll have a take
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  away tomorrow because you've already quote UN quote gone off
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  track. That is different.
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  That's different to make an informed decision through
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  curiosity, through curious eyes. I'm going to give you a really
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  good example of this from one of my past clients.
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  She worked at home. Majority, I can't get my words
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  here today. Majority of the time she worked
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  at home and she had to go to the office every once in a while and
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  it was a bit of a commute. It was well, you just prefer
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  working from home, don't you? You just prefer working from
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  home. And it was just a thing.
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  Her going into the office just a faff commute was faffy.
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  Logistics was logistiking and she used to not eat when she
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  went to the office. And she used to take like quote,
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  like quote, UN quote, like normal portions.
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  And she would always end up going to the vending machines to
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  get some food or she'd end up eating her food at like half 10
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  or like 11. So she was starving.
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  And she never, just never took enough food for her.
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  And we were like, well, what's going on for you here?
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  Like, what is going on? So we looked at it for her
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  curious, curious eyes. And she had to have her
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  breakfast earlier. She had a long commute, so
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  energy expansion was higher. She was like, didn't really want
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  to go to the office. So there's some sort of like,
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  resistance there. There was some sort of, I don't
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  really want to be doing this, but I've been made to do it.
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  And there was also, like, a fear of being judged for how much she
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  was eating, what she was eating. It's like, OK, well, let's put
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  all that together. And that all makes sense why you
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  are eating like your lunch early and you're not eating enough.
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  So what can we do about that? And we talked about how to
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  regulate herself. So it was actually more about
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  taking snacks in that she could have at 10:30 that would provide
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  her with a little break that she might have to go and warm up so
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  she can go to the kitchen. So she wouldn't be in the
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  office. She could go out and something
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  non smelly so that she wasn't pissing people off and she
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  didn't feel like she was drawing attention to herself and giving
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  herself a good lunch. What actually was a portion size
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  that felt good to her and also it what we did as well in the
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  end as well. We gave her we asked, I asked
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  her to take in more food than she needed.
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  So she always always had it instead of relying on like the
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  vending machine at 3. And you know what, she never ate
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  it because she understood that it was like anxiety about going
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  into the office, people annoying her.
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  And it's she felt physiologically full from her
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  lunch and satisfied. So that is how you come to this
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  like an outcome through curious few curious eyes instead of
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  going 0. Whenever I go to the office, I
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  hate her. I hate it because I'm always
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  starving. People always judge me and I
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  just like, I just hate it. I'm always, I've always grabbing
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  snacks on the way home from the vending machine.
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  That's what I do. That's can be interpreted.
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  They can be interpreted as habits.
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  They're not habits. They're just something that you
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  do because you haven't looked a few curious eyes.
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  That was one example that worked really well.
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  And you know what? She goes into the office now and
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  it's not a big deal. Not a big deal to her.
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  She regulates her emotions. She feels better because she's
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  eaten properly, she feels fuelled and she doesn't feel
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  like she's letting herself down by the age of the vending
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  machine or eating her lunch at like 10:30.
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  Hear what I'm saying? Another, oh another example is
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  another client. He was the most typical
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  emotional eater. She ate her emotions when she
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  was happy, when she was sad, when she was comforting me to
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  comfort, when she was bored, when like every single emotion
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  was eaten. There was not a lot of emotional
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  regulation going on. So one of the things that she
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  really wanted to to deal with was the picking at her kids
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  foods. After they had like they eaten,
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  they left bits and she was like, I, she was like car.
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  I always eat they're leftovers. I know I shouldn't be doing it,
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  but I always do it. I was like, right, OK, so what's
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  going on here? Look for curious eyes, right,
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  right. What's going on right.
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  So they've eaten actually, you might not think that they've
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  eaten enough. You might think that they've
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  eaten too much. You might overfeed them.
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  You might think that actually, right, you are putting on more
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  food than they need. So we we dug into that for her.
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  We dug into her childhood and how she was brought up around
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  food and particularly a food waste came up here and how much
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  money was spent on food that came up.
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  But OK, so we're building a picture up here.
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  Then we came to what she she fed her kids before she fed herself.
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  So it was actually, well, actually, are you a bit hungry?
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  Let's do the hunger and phone and scale What?
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  How physiologically hungry are you?
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  She was quite hungry. I thought, right, OK, this, this
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  is all making sense now. You're going to pick up their
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  food because you are hungry, because you don't like food
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  waste, because you don't like money to be wasted.
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  And it's there, right? OK, so then let's look at those
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  limiting beliefs around free waste event wasting money.
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  But let's also like make sure that you're not physiologically
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  hungry. She's like, Oh yeah.
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  Like I know it's not a character flaw that you're eating your
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  kids leftovers. It's just a whole thing that's
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  like piled up one on top of the other that drives the behaviour
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  of you eating your kids leftovers.
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  And if we can look at it not through shame, not be like, you
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  should not ever eat your kids leftovers, put them straight in
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  the bin. Don't ever do it.
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  Like never don't do that. We look for curious eyes and it
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  all makes sense. We're all humans.
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  And human behaviour makes sense in a way, like in a pattern, it
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  makes sense. And once you look at it through
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  different eyes, you're like, oh, yeah, that's why you do that.
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  Yeah. Shall we do something different
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  next time? Yeah, let's do that.
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  They're just two examples of how I how I've used curious thinking
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  with two of my clients. I use it all the time.
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  So if you're thinking about, oh, like something's going on for
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  you, you're repeating the same pattern.
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  It's like, right, just take a step back.
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  What is going on for you? Look through curious eyes, like
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  look at the wider picture, look at the environment, look at how
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  people are thinking, how people are making you feel.
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  Look at what's going on for you. Look at your cycle, look at what
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  you're wearing, look at how you're feeling.
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  Look at a lot of things, a lot of things, and it will all make
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  sense. It will fit into a puzzle and
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  it's all information. Information is what we need to
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  make a decision. And if you don't have any
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  information, you can't make a decision.
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  So information is good. We like information because then
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  you can make an informed decision.
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  Cravings are information. They are something like, right,
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  OK, it's something is trying to tell me something.
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  What is it? And this takes a little bit of a
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  while to feel into. I'm not going to lie, takes a
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  little bit of a while to feel into.
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  But wouldn't you be like, Oh yeah, it's trying to tell me
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  that, right. OK, do you need to do that?
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  Don't need to be. I need to go and do something
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  else. And once you act with curiosity,
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  you take the shame away because it's just information.
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  You're not making it make anything about you.
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  It's not your identity. It's not something that you have
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  to do. It's not something that you
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  religiously do. It's not you.
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  It's information. Information that is just one
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  little snippet of things that I do in my coach and I thought I,
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  well, I really wanted to share it with you today because it's
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  come up a lot recently. I don't know why other people
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  don't talk about it. Curiosity honestly shifts the
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  mindset and it removes shame. It removes like loads.
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  Oh, it's just fantastic. Just really good if you can look
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  through things with curious eyes, like so good.
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  If you want to look at curious through curious eyes, your
• 17:29
  relationship with food, then I am the woman to help you with
• 17:31
  that because I can coach you through it.
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  And that's what I do in my weekly calls in my 1 to one
• 17:40
  package. I have a one to one package to
• 17:43
  help heal your relationship with food and it is £199 per month
• 17:48
  for three months. You get 1 to 1 calls every
• 17:51
  single week. So literally we talk through
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  this, it's like right, OK, so what's going on for you when
• 17:55
  you're eating your kids leftovers?
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  What have you done before? What have you done 10 minutes
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  before? What have you done half an hour
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  before? How hungry are you?
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  We work that through. We do that for three months,
• 18:03
  then for two months we do calls every other week and then the
• 18:07
  last month is just WhatsApp support.
• 18:09
  So you are free to go into the world feeling independent, like
• 18:14
  you can make informed decisions, that you can be empowered to
• 18:20
  make informed decisions, that you've got all the tools and
• 18:22
  strategies that you need to then go forward and not have any more
• 18:27
  issues with food because everything I do is ethical and
• 18:31
  it's sustainable. So that's £199 per month.
• 18:34
  Head into the show notes if you want a little bit more detail
• 18:37
  about that and to book your free, free consultation call.
• 18:42
  Thank you very much for listening to me today.
• 18:47
  Thank you so much for listening to me today.
• 18:49
  If something in this episode landed for you, if you've had
• 18:52
  that moment when you thought, oh, that's me, I want you to do
• 18:55
  something with it. Don't just let it sit there.
• 18:58
  Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it.
• 19:01
  Send the link. Tell them you need to start
• 19:03
  listening to Chatting with Carla because this work spreads when
• 19:06
  we talk about it. And if you're ready to stop
• 19:09
  cycling for the same patterns and actually do the deep work,
• 19:13
  it changes everything. I'd love to work with you one to
• 19:15
  one. Book yourself a free, no
• 19:18
  obligation consultation call in the show notes.
• 19:21
  We'll chat about what's going on with you, where you want to go,
• 19:24
  and I'll give you the road map to get there.
• 19:26
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• 19:35
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• 19:38
  You can find me on Instagram and Facebook at Coach with Cara or
• 19:43
  e-mail me at Cara at Coach with Cara dot K dot eke.
• 19:48
  Until next time. Thanks team.