Latest / Real STRength with Sarah Draper / Better, Not More: How Intentional Leaders Create Lasting Change | #15
Transcript
- Sarah Draper: Better is not squeezing more out of yourself and others. So better isn't about perfection. It's about progress. That when you work to show up whole, showing up becomes a lot easier. Again, better is not about doing more, it's about figuring out what matters and doing that. Welcome to the Future Walk Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Draper. Each week on the podcast, I explore tools to help you lead your best now and into the future, and I talk with top leaders to see how they stay focused when life gets cluttered. It's time to stop reacting to your life and start leading it. Welcome to Future Watch. Welcome to the Future Walk Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Draper, and I'm so glad you're here. And if you're new to the podcast, and especially warm welcome. In my three decades in the Army and the FBI, I found that all leaders face the same challenge. Same challenge I face, same challenge you face. And that's staying intentional when everything around you is pulling you into reaction mode. That's why I created the future walk. It's a simple practice that helps you step out of the noise and think clearly about the future you're creating. Today we're going to be talking about one word better. Not more, better. Better in the ways that really matter. Better leadership, better culture, better relationships, better alignment with what you value. Better you and a better future. I was reminded of this recently when I returned to West Point for a visit. So today I want to explore what it means to get better, to be better, and why it doesn't happen by accident, why it happens only with intention. So a couple weeks ago, my pastor gave a sermon on the word better. And then last week during a visit to West Point, I kept coming back to that same word, better. Because when we graduated more than 30 years ago, there was a saying among graduates. After you leave there, people start saying, ⁓ the core has gone to, and you fill in the blank there. And it implied that things were so tough for us that everyone who came afterwards was. somehow softer and everything got easier after we left. Like we had it so hard. It's the whole walking uphill both ways for five miles going to school that you know we the proverbial grandparents used to tell us when we were kids. And it was said mostly tongue in cheek, but there's still some underlying animosity or sentiment about this supposed easing of standards. And you know that. You know, back in the day we had it so hard. Kids these days have it so easy. But when I returned last fall from my 30th reunion, I was blown away by the cadets in the core. Their achievements, their accomplishments, their advancements, their confidence. Many of my classmates had a similar reaction and we marveled at today's cadets. And we started to hear a new saying. And the saying was, the core has, right? Starts the same, but the core has gotten better. And I couldn't agree more. Being back there last week, and it was a unseasonably cool, gray, rainy days and ongoing construction that seemingly never ends. I still found that the cadets and the academy are thriving. Now that is not a random occurrence. It's decades of alumni and public investment into the cadets. It's the margin of excellence programs and running of fundraising that they support to provide unique leadership development opportunities. And it's every cadet learning about values and ethics and connecting the past and the future. So it's because of intention, planning, and focus that the core has gotten better. Not by accident, not by hoping things that would improve, not by necessarily just working harder, grinding more, or doing more, but by intention, deliberate action to be and get better. So that same principle applies to your team. Your organization and your leadership. So my question for you is this: Have you been practicing better in your leadership? How are you practicing that in your leadership? What are you doing to make sure your people and your organization are better today, tomorrow, and then the decades to come, long after you've left and retired or moved on? What are you doing? To make it better? This is a really tough question when the days and weeks and years at times feel like this perpetual state of survival mode. But if you are not working to make things better for the future, you're leaving it to chance or to this hope that others will step up and do it for you. Now, before we go further, I need to be clear. about what better is not. Better is not squeezing more out of yourself and others. It's not higher metrics for higher metrics' sake. It's not longer hours for longer hours' sake. It's not just output and busier schedule and faster responses and more meetings and more performance scores. If those are your definition of better, you are on the path to burnout. You're taking your team with you. Now, in a recent episode on the podcast, I talked about cultural contradictions. These are the things that happen when an organization says it values something, but that doesn't match what it actually does. And one of the common contradictions I see is this organizations say they value wellness and well being and work-life balance and taking care of people. But sometimes outright, sometimes just kind of on the background, the people who work the 70 hour weeks and skip the vacation days and go home at night and get the kids to bed and then hop on their computer regularly. Like sometimes, absolutely there are times you need to do that, but regularly hop the computer and are working till midnight or later, they end up getting the rewards. So if your version of better is more, you're creating that contradiction, that cultural contradiction, because what you're saying about valuing these things like well-being and sustainably, but you're modeling the dysfunction of just sometimes using and abusing the people who have the output expecting more. So that is not. What better is about. That's not what I'm talking about with better. What I'm talking about with better is more aligned with what you value, more intentional about what matters, more effective, not just productive, more focused, not scattered, more sustainable, not output, more connected to the people and the purpose that matters. More clarity about what you're doing. Again, better is not about doing more. It's about figuring out what matters and doing that in a way that doesn't destroy you or your team in the process, but it actually makes you, there we go, better. So here's where a lot of leaders get stuck. I was absolutely in this camp confusing better with perfect. They think. That if they can't do it perfectly, maybe they shouldn't do it at all. If they can't overhaul the entire thing, why bother changing one thing? If they can't fix everything, why start? Or on the opposite side, once they've committed to a task, and this was more me, just grinding and grinding and grinding until getting as close as possible to this. Supposed elusive perfection, while in reality just abusing themselves in the process. That's a perfectionism trap and it gets you stuck. So better isn't about perfection, it's about progress. Progress means that you're moving in the right direction, even if it's slow, even sometimes if it feels like two steps forward and one step back. Or one step forward and two steps back, even if it's messy, even if you don't recognize that you're making any progress at all. But progress is sustainable. Perfection's not. Perfection isn't even achievable. I used to think that was the goal. I mean, it wasn't until we were in the midst of COVID. So this is like five, six years ago, that I Finally saw something that challenged what I had believed my entire life that I was expected to perform perfectly and get everything right. And it was crazy enough, I got one of these catalogs in the mail. It was outdoor clothing company, and I would look at these clothes and envision this wonderful lifestyle of being outdoors, and especially during the pandemic when we were not outdoors a lot and confined indoors. thing I would like pour through this old paper cali catalog I would get in the mail. And inside the cover. So you know you open up those covers and sometimes they have that folding page that opens up. And I opened it up and it said this progress, not perfection. Now I don't know why this is the first time I I heard this or saw this. I probably actually now that I think about it, I probably saw it a million times. In my life, but I ignored that because that idea of progress, not perfection, was for someone else, not me, because I was going for the perfectionism side. But for some reason, something kind of changed within me when I saw those words there. They were big and in my face. It was a whole page, progress, not perfection. And I thought, wow, this is this means something to me. And I started to shift, didn't I happen immediately, but that stood with me. That simplicity of that mindset stood with me. And I started to think and it became a little mini mantra for me. Progress, not perfection. 80% ish, I started to call it good enough. These were brand new things for me. But the more I shared them with others, the more I started to believe it. That it progress, not perfection, was truly good enough. Just keep making progress. However, sometimes even progress isn't possible, right? That's the one step forward, two steps back kind of things. Sometimes you are in survival mode. Sometimes you're just trying to get through the day. Sometimes you're trying to get through a season. Sometimes the best you can do is just show up, and that's okay. When progress isn't possible, what do you do? You practice. Now, this idea of practice is nowhere more apparent to me than on a yoga mat. I've been practicing yoga for about 15 years. I I started it to deal with some. kind of overuse injuries on the physical side, because probably no surprise, I used to do these very high intensity workouts and my body started to physically pay the price for it. So I learned about interval yoga or more intense yoga. So I went to yoga because I thought it would be a softer way to still get that same high intensity. But I started to notice a shift in my mind as I would practice more yoga. So when I started teaching at the FBI's National Academy, I got certified as a yoga instructor. So I could introduce it to the law enforcement leaders that I taught as another tool in their toolbox for stress management, mindfulness, and presence. Now doing yoga is actually called a practice. It's a practice because it's an ongoing process of learning and deepening your skill development. There is no finish line in yoga. It's not like you get there and one day you do some asana, some posture perfectly. You keep working forward. It's this mindset you want to cultivate. You practice showing up, getting on the mat, even when your balance is off, you've not slept well, you can't find your words or focus your intention. You still practice. Because practice over time leads to progress. And progress over time leads to better. Now, I know often showing up is hard. Just showing up, right? Even showing up on the mat, showing up in life, showing up for the people around you, that is different. I'm at redo that. Now I know. That just showing up at times is difficult. It's hard enough at times. I've been there. We all have, whether it's showing up on your yoga match, showing up for the people around you, showing up at work, showing up as a leader, it can be really difficult. But I have learned that when you work to show up whole, showing up becomes a lot easier. And so what do I mean by showing up whole? I mean, this is so important. This is one of my personal tenets and leadership tenets. I work every day to show up whole, focusing on all dimensions in life, not hyperfocus just in one area. There's a tendency to do that, to hyperfocus on the things that are measurable instead of, you know, focusing on all the different dimensions. But when I work to show up whole, it's about. Bringing in family, it's about bringing in health, it's about bringing in relationships, bringing in leadership and spiritual core and all the other things that matter to me and bringing those into balance. So showing up whole means tending to your physical health, getting the movement, the sleep, and the nutrition that fuel you, investing in your relationships. Making time for your family and friends and people that matter the most. Connecting to your values and purpose. You know what you do and why you do it, and your actions reflect that. Managing your energy as much or more than you do your time. You're protecting what replenishes you, not just trying to manage or get through what depletes you. You're present where you are. Whether you're at work, whether you're at home, you are focused and engaged on what is happening in that moment. You're bringing your full self to your leadership. This is your humanity, your values, and your authentic gifts and strength and voice. So when you show up whole, you have more energy, you have more clarity about what's most important and more resilience. When you're just showing up though, you're disconnected from what matters. It's exhausting. You're performing instead of leading, you're going through the emotions, you're surviving instead of thriving. So the practice is not just to show up, it's to show up whole. And when you can't do that perfectly again, you practice, you keep trying, you keep Moving towards better. Just show up pull and practice. Now there's a practice that was popularized by James Clear in Atomic Habits: that if you get 1% better every day, you're gonna get 37 times better in a year. And the math works like this: one to the 365th power equals 37.78. So these are compounding games. It's this exponential improvement. And it's a compelling idea, and there's mathematical truth to it. That small, consistent improvements compound over time. One small change repeated daily creates significant transformation. Now, the reality is better doesn't always mean more. So if you take that math of one person every day, literally, and apply it to product. Activity and output and hours work, you're gonna burn out in about three months. So better isn't always about doing one percent more every day, but conceptually it's really powerful. It can be like one percent more aligned, one percent more intentional, or one percent more sustainable, or one percent more present. So maybe today better means. You leave work on time instead of staying late again. Maybe tomorrow better means that you have one difficult conversation instead of avoiding it. Maybe next week better means you take a walk instead of working through lunch. These aren't more, they're better. And over time, these small, sustainable, incremental practices compound into a leadership approach. A work culture and a life that is significantly better than where you started. So remember, progress, not perfection. And when progress isn't happening or feels elusive, just practice and don't just show up. Show up whole. Work on all the dimensions of your life. These are energy multipliers, they amplify one another. And last thing to remember, better doesn't always mean more. Sometimes better means less, but with intention. Now, recently I was in a church service and our pastor did this short series on being better. And one of the things he emphasized was that better isn't just about self-improvement. It's important, but it's becoming better for others and recognizing also when you need others to help you be better. Because when you focus on being better for the people you lead, the people you love, and the people you serve, you become better yourself. Same with when you rely on someone or something outside of you to help you be better. Because we're all connected, right? And so this is not just a spiritual truth, it's backed by research. Researchers at Yale. Studied 77 working adults over a two-week period. And each day the participants reported their stress levels and asked whether they'd helped others in small ways, like holding a door or helping with their work or asking if someone needed help. And they measure their well-being using the PANIS, the positive and negative affects schedule, a validated measure of emotional health. And you can look it up online. To do the same survey yourself. And their findings were striking. On days when people helped others, they experienced higher positive emotions and better mental health. But more importantly, helping others buffered the negative effects of stress. On stressful days, people who helped others didn't experience the same decline in mood and mental health as those who didn't help. Now the benefit isn't just emotional, it's also physiological. When you help others, your body releases dopamine and endorphins, creating let me start that over. So when you help others, your body releases dopamine and endorphins, creating feelings of pleasure and well being. Your brain also releases oxytocin, which reduces stress and And increases the feelings of connection with others. Now, as a leader, you can probably imagine this has profound implications. When you focus on think making things better for your team, not just hitting those metrics, but actually experiencing or improving. Sorry, let me start that over. When you focus on making things better for your team, not just hitting the metrics, but actually improving their experience. Their growth, their well-being, you're not just being generous. You're improving your own leadership effectiveness and your own well-being. When you invest in your people, you become better yourself. When you create a culture where people thrive, you can thrive too. When you lead with intention to make things better for others, you experience the benefits of that intention. Now, this is the paradox of leadership. You have to take care of yourself first before you can make things better for others. It is not selfish or indulgent to take care of yourself. It's a leadership imperative. Because when you're depleted, reactive, and burned out, you cannot serve your team or anyone else well. You end up modeling dysfunction, not leadership. And you're Negative energy goes out to the people around you. But when you invest in your own well-being, when you show up whole, when you're aligned with what matters to you, you have the capacity to make things better for others. And when you focus on making things better for others, from that grounded place, you become even better yourself. It's a win-win. all around it's not an either or it is a both and so start with yourself extend that to others and that is when better compounds it doesn't happen in isolation it happens when you're whole enough to show up in all your relationships now before we continue on i want to pause for a second If this is resonating with you, I would love for you to share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. You probably know as someone who's stuck in the more is better trap, or someone who's trying to lead while running on empty. Please just take a moment right now forward this episode to them because it might be exactly what they need to hear today. Okay. How does this actually look in practice? Here's what I recommend. You can't get better if you don't know what better looks like. So take a 20 to 30 minute strategic feature walk this week and ask yourself: what does better actually mean for me? What does a better culture look like? What does better leadership look like? What does better alignment and awareness of my values look like. Don't think of terms of like performance metrics. Think about what actually matters to you, how you lead, how your team experiences your culture, how aligned you are with your values, how connected you are with them. And then ask yourself, this once you know what better looks like, What is one thing, just one thing I can make better this month? Not 10 things, not a complete overhaul. One thing. Maybe it's modeling different behavior, like leaving on time three nights a week, taking your vacation days, talkingly open, talking openly about how you rest or or do therapy or do something else to improve and take care of yourself. Maybe it's changing what you praise. Maybe acknowledging others' boundaries instead of just praising the outcomes of the work. Maybe you take a strategic future walk with your team to identify cultural contradictions, which we talked about in a previous episode. Maybe you invest in one person's development. Maybe you eliminate one contradictory policy or or identify and work towards eliminating one bit of toxic behavior in your organization. Maybe create space on your calendar for your team to think. Create that white space on there for them to think, to plan, to get creative, not just to execute. Pick one thing, then come back and do it. Remember, Better is not just about self-improvement. It's about becoming better for others. Again, ask yourself, how can I make things better for my team this month? How can I make things better for my family or my social circle? How can I make things better for the people I serve, either internally in your organization or through your community? When you focus on making things better for others, you become better yourself. Now you won't do this perfectly. You will have days when you don't make progress. You can't make progress. You'll have weeks, sometimes longer, when you're just surviving. That is normal. That is okay. So remember, when progress isn't possible, practice. Just practice. Keep showing up. Keep trying to show up whole. Over time, these small practices compound. You'll look back in a year or five years from now, and you will see a difference. Maybe not 37 times more, but a whole lot better. Better doesn't happen once, it happens over time. The Corps of Cadets didn't get better in a year. It got better over decades and centuries of intention, investment, and focus. Your leadership won't get better. In a month, but if you commit to making one thing better every month for your team, yourself, your organization, you will look back and you'll see the transformation, and others will too, and you will model a positive way to lead and make positive change. Better doesn't happen by accident, it happens by intention. So this week Take that 20 to 30 minute strategic future walk. Ask yourself, what is one thing I can make better this month? And then come back and do it. And you this start over. This matters because you become a leader who doesn't just execute, you become a leader who shapes the future. You shape a future that doesn't get better by accident. You shape a future that gets better with intention. Your team and organization and leadership will get better too, but only if you choose it, only if you practice it, only if you make it a priority. And then remember, being better is not just about you. It's about the people you lead, the people you serve, and the people you love. And when you focus on making things for better, you become better yourself. And when you focus on yourself, you begin to recognize that you rely on other people, which guess what? They get to help you. And that helps them become better. They get the same benefits of helping you that you get from helping others. It's a spiritual truth, it's a scientific truth, and it's a leadership truth. Progress Not perfection. And when progress isn't possible, just practice and try to show up whole. And over time, those small intentional practices will compound into something remarkable. Okay, if you're finding this podcast valuable, please follow so you don't miss any future episodes. And here's how you can help other leaders find this. Since it's a new podcast. Any little bit really helps the way these algorithms all work, right? So share it, leave a comment, rate it. Everything you do will help this reach more leaders who need to hear this. And I'd love to hear from you. So leave a comment about what's working to make you better this month, your organization better this month, or what resonates with you from this or any episode. And you can always visit my website at Leading Well Strategies for more resources and to connect. So again, think of this as your invitation to take your strategic future walk this week. Ask yourself as you walk 20 to 30 minutes, what is one thing, one thing I can make better this month? And then come back and begin it. So thank you for joining me on the future walk podcast this week. Step outside, leave your phone, take 20 to 30 minutes, and see what becomes clear. Better doesn't happen by accident. It happens with intention. And until next time, enjoy your walk.