Latest / The Daily Sarcast / October 20th, 2026: The Search Is Still On For Amelia Earhart, Kids Get Shares of SpaceX And Living On The Upper East

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October 20th, 2026: The Search Is Still On For Amelia Earhart, Kids Get Shares of SpaceX And Living On The Upper East · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
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  see your problems, it's not your problem.
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  Your credit card bill arrived? Blindfold. Your situationship is acting weird?
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  Blindfold. Your boss wants to talk to you? Blindfold.
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  Your friends are all getting married, buying houses, and having babies while
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  you're hoping your last date texts you back? Blindfold.
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  Everything's Great, out of sight,
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  out of mind, and absolutely none of your problems have been addressed.
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  Everything's Great is not responsible for missed red flags, ignored responsibilities,
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  or accidentally walking into traffic.
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  Do not wear while driving, operating heavy machinery, or making important life
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  decisions. If problems persist, simply tighten the blindfold.
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  We are not Mexico. We are the United States of America. The name would add great
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  value and prestige to the state.
• 1:06
  Trump on wanting to change New Mexico to New America.
• 1:11
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and maybe a laugh.
• 1:16
  I'm Lindsay Wernick, and today is October 20, 2026.
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  In real news, so Amelia Earhart disappeared almost 90 years ago now,
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  and researchers have yet again once failed to find her missing plane.
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  So this team traveled to a remote island recently in the South Pacific to investigate
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  this mysterious object spotted in satellite images.
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  They thought it might be Amelia's plane. But it turns out it was a collection of large trees.
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  What? You would expect satellite imagery now to be a little bit better by 2026, right?
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  Like, these people went on a five-day journey across the ocean,
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  and they found trees, not a plane.
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  Like, how do you confuse the two?
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  And Amelia Earhart disappeared in 1937. Like, we've had almost nine decades to figure this one out.
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  And at this point, I feel like we might need to throw in the towel.
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  Like maybe the plane just might not get found. Like, yeah, it's a really big deal to happen.
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  And finding the plane would be a really nice thing for people to do.
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  But how many trips are going to get funded before, you know,
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  people admit that this may just never get solved.
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  The search for Amelia Earhart and her plane have been going on longer than most
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  marriages, but unlike most marriages, there's still no clear sign of closure.
• 2:46
  Elon Musk says he's going to give one share of SpaceX to every child in America next year.
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  This could be worth around $10.5 billion, assuming every American child under 18 qualifies.
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  I mean, this is a lovely gesture of Elon Musk.
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  Most billionaires leave their money to their own children. I mean, he already has like 73.
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  So what's another 73 million to him?
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  He hasn't exactly explained how the shares are going to be given out.
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  But it might be nice to be six years old and already have an investment portfolio from Elon Musk.
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  And now other tech billionaires are also pledging company shares for a public
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  benefit. Like, wow, why are people suddenly just like getting nice-ish?
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  So if this one works out, some kids are going to have a better retirement plan
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  than their parents before they even lose their baby teeth.
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  Apple has tightened its Apple Store's rules to crack down on AI apps that digitally
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  remove people's clothes without their consent.
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  It has literally come to the point where we have to specifically tell people
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  that using AI to make fake naked pictures of somebody is not okay.
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  The really concerning part is that teenagers could download these apps even
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  with parental controls turned on.
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  There's 135 apps offering these kinds of features, and some are rated as appropriate
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  for children as young as four years old.
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  Like, at four years old, I was literally eating Play-Doh, and now kids need
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  to be monitored for AI-generated revenge porn.
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  Like, I'm so glad I'm not a kid in 2026, but it's only scarier for what I'm
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  going to have to deal with when I finally have kids.
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  Some apps also lied about their real purpose to get approved by Apple to get
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  on the App Store and then revealed their notification features afterward.
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  But now Apple has banned anyone who has tried to do that. Like, that's good.
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  But it's also a little concerning that the technology company responsible for,
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  reviewing the apps on your phone needed to update its rules to say,
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  Hey, can you guys please stop making fake porn of people?
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  Like we're constantly having software updates on literally everything that we
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  own but unfortunately we're still waiting for the software update that makes,
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  people better and that one is never coming,
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  in Lindsay life the bread slicer is broken at Whole Foods,
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  my street sign on my corner has suddenly moved over five feet which is like,
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  very confusing and like really just kind of like throws me off when I walk to the corner now.
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  And I still have no matches on my hinge. So now I'm just trying to figure out
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  how to slice my sourdough on my own. And it's like really not as easy as it seems.
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  Just another day in the Upper East Side. I really need to get a job.
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  Lindsay lessons. A lesson by Lindsay. You can literally make any situation worse
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  by checking one more time.
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  Like you already checked their Instagram. You already read the text.
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  You already checked your bank account, even though you know exactly how much
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  is in there, and none of that money has multiplied since 11 a.m.
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  But maybe there's something new, right? Maybe they posted a story.
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  Maybe you finally got paid.
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  Maybe the person who hasn't texted you back in three days has suddenly developed
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  thumbs. So you check again.
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  But then nothing has changed, except now you're just upset even more.
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  We literally have unlimited access to information at all times,
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  and we've used it to make ourselves miserable in real time.
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  So my lesson for today is that sometimes you have to accept that you already
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  have all the information you're going to get.
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  Checking again isn't going to change the outcome.
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  It's just going to give you another opportunity to ruin your day.
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  So put the phone down, close the app, and walk away.
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  And if you absolutely must check again, at least have the self-respect to wait
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  five minutes before doing it.
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  Because your dad really hates when you call having a meltdown about a guy not
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  texting you back and not being able to find a job.
• 7:02
  Cooking tip of the day. You can salt your chicken after you cook it.
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  Feedback, comments, questions, a nice Jewish boy looking for a date,
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  email me at lindsay at thedailytarcast.com.
• 7:13
  Thank you so much for listening and I'll talk to you guys tomorrow.