Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / Understanding Consent in Unique Community Gatherings | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 35

Transcript

Understanding Consent in Unique Community Gatherings | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 35 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome back everybody, kinky campfire.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: This is another pillow fort session with your hosts taco knuckle, fresno, bob, colonel mcbee, the cuddled gigolo, aka hh, julius officially, or just julius, to make things a little bit faster for you.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I have another interesting topic today.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: I am finally coming down from my high of being at the convention, as I spoke about in the last episode, getting all things together and the networking and all that and making plans with people.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Just a little foreshadowing for you.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: And I wanted to talk about something that has been heavy on my heart for actually a lot like the last couple of months now, and I want to give my opinion on it once again.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: It is my opinion, my opinion, julius's opinion, on the situation.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Uh, for our friends out theresters, fellow campsters that are listening to this, you know kind of what's going on.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: A little preview for the ASMR 32nd there.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: If you know what's going on, then more power to you.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I just want to give an overall definition, going into specifics about similar situations.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I know I'm just like beating around the bush there leading the witness and everything like that, teasing y'all, but I want to start this opinion year, I guess year series, whatever you want to call it when I'm doing these pillow fort sessions, it'll be less heady about it, less academic, more lived experience.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: So I want to talk about this because, you know, that's why I started the podcast in the first place.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about my experiences.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: I have experiences that other people don't have them.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: You know everybody's unique.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Y'all can talk about your own experiences as well and uh, yeah, just give it, just give an overall thing.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'll just, I'll stop teasing y'all, uh, but, as I said, asmr, 30 seconds is back, baby.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Sure, for now I am once again drinking the good old fashioned Great Value Green Tea.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: I had a little bit of an adult beverage because it's later in the week, earlier, and now I'm coming down off of that.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: I don't even want to say what I had, because it was seven, seven and a half proof little uh, sour, uh, beer and uh, yeah, I had a couple of those and it doesn't even taste like it.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: You go through those, this dangerous y'all.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe I'll cut and have one in the middle or something, but yeah, this is bad.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: So now I'm having a little green tea.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Pick me up.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Perk me up because I had to take a little nappy nap Somebody's getting old and I had a few beverages and I couldn't do it anymore.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: Had a little nappy nap before I started recording this.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, green tea from Great Value Actually pretty doggone good.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: A little bit of sweetener in there.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Don't have any honey.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: But here we go with ASMR.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Asmr 30 seconds, five seconds, three, two, one.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I don't think that was even five seconds.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it's still chilly here down in the Floridas, the central Floridas, and I am cold, let's just put it that way.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: I am cold, I don't like it and I'm cold, I need some hot beverage.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I drank cold beverage, let's just put it that way.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I am cold, I don't like it and I'm cold, I need some hot beverage.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: I drank cold beverage before, cold beverage before.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Now I'm drinking hot beverage.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: That is it for the ASMR 30 seconds.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Now on to the topic of today's episode.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: I think I've rambled on long enough and teased y'all long enough.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Now it uh, hmm, okay, how do I start this?
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: So I'm trying to be as general as possible.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: In certain communities let's just say it that way in certain communities in the BDSM and the non-monogamy more specifically, I guess kind of specifically the swinger lifestyle people have parties either in a public place, private house or just like a sex positive place.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: So we're talking about dungeons, which can be sex positive or just kinky stuff, people's houses or rented establishments, airbnb, that type of deal, or a just straight up sex club where there's not really any kink or most nights are not kink.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Maybe they have a kink night and BDSM night that type of deal, but mostly they're just fucking Everybody's, just fucking Safely, we'll assume safely.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: They are using protection as far as we know.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to go into that part of it maybe, but there's a certain protocol.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: So I don't want to get super heady with this.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: I'm just giving my opinion on this.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I could break down all those specific things you should do at a party.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I think we even talked about it before, what to look out for.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I could probably do redo another episode.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Get super specific.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Everybody should, you know, bring protection, bring a change of clothes, comfortable and sexy towel.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Maybe most places have a pool or and or hot tub, but just in general, I would just bring a towel just for cleanup.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Say you don't want to?
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: I mean, hopefully there's a shower there, please, please, in my honest opinion, don't go to places that don't have a shower, even if it's a public dungeon.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Please have a shower, at least one goodness, but no, to each his own.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: If you want to do that, then go ahead and do that.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: But yes, a towel is a standard.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Comfortable shoes is standard, uh, warm and hot clothing.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: So if you're in one of those places, even here down in florida, at night during the summertime, you could come out of plan.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: You just your home, home, arms are all in different places and you could be cold, even though it's like 80 degrees outside.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I've had that happen myself, even though I'm the one doing most of the work, topping, as they say, and be sweaty inside and when I come out I'm like a little bit chilly.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: So I want to wear something warmer, more power to you if you get hot.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: All those different kind of things change of clothes, the towel and, uh, I would say, something to clean with, if not just like handy wipes or something like that.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Hopefully the place you're at has clean stuff.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Once again, I could get super specific, but hopefully they have some kind of cleaning regimen there.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Ooh-wee, okay.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: So when you go in you may or may not know the people there I prefer to go myself.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Once again, my opinion I prefer to go with a partner.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: I have gone to certain places by myself.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: I have gone to certain places by myself no-transcript, that's all the umbrella I'm talking about today.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: So I prefer to go with a partner to any of these places I have gone by myself is very rare.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Say like 90 to 10, I will go if it's like a social function.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: I myself am leaning on the eighth side of the spectrum, so I like to be there for the sex.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: I'm totally fine with it.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Everybody can have sex if they want to.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: But me myself I would not participate unless it's with a partner.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I'm speaking more in the present than in the past because I don't really remember my motivations in the past, because I didn't know I was on the A side of the spectrum I say more recent times and I never did do any kind of hookups or anything.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: I don't want to sound judgy, but just me myself.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: That was never my thing.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: I didn't know why when I was first getting into the lifestyle the BDSM one being the first one and people were doing stuff and it was like oh, the sexual stuff is okay, I'm here for the kinky stuff.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, I appreciate an attractive naked body as anybody else, but it's not like I want to.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: You know, in the first five minutes I seen it.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: I want to fuck it.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: That's not.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: That's not how it works for me.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: I just want to say that right now.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: But more power to you If you're one of those people that can do that.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: I've talked about it before Demi attractive and Sabio attractive how you think, and your personality, personality and how you think, think.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: That's how I do it.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, if I had a demisexual play party, it would be so much different.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Let's just get around in a little circle and everybody's going to ask questions of each other one at a time.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Let's get real deep up in there and get to the deep stuff.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: None of this.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: How's the weather?
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: What do you do for a living?
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I want to know your motivations in life.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: What's your life goals?
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: What's your favorite kind of leisure activity?
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: What's your favorite kind of trip?
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: You going to museums or something it's like boring?
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you could do that.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: If you want to Along with my opinion, you're going to get a little bit more sarcasm.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: People Developing that Julius character for everybody.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Just a little foreshadowing.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: You know what?
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: As I say, don't listen to me, do your own research.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I'm giving my opinion.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: I don't care if I'm wrong or right, it's an opinion.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: I just want to make you more self-aware.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Hopefully, at least one person will do their own research.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say that every podcast now.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: I've said it sporadically over the last few years.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say it every single time now, just in case Some of y'all listen to every podcast, which I completely understand.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: I try to listen to all my friends' podcasts or interesting podcasts, try to get to every episode, but there's so much information out there I just can't get to all of it.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: So this is why we have repeats and calls to action.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: So yeah, back on topic after my little rant.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: The party scene is not super sexual for me.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: Even if I'm at a swingers club straight up sex party.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: I appreciate all everybody's freedom to represent themselves, all the different ways they can nakedly, nakedly, sexually, getting it on group, playily.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: And more power to you.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I prefer to watch.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: I enjoy watching.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: I now realize in the recent months that I'm more of the mother bear type.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: I like to make sure everybody's having a good time, even if I'm not the one that created the party and is leading the party.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this picks me like a Miss Frizz going around directing the school bus out there and then everybody's like going in the same place.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I didn't buy the school bus.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I just drive it and somebody else takes care of it and sets it up.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I just drive the doggone thing.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: So if there's no like dead mothery type person, then I'll step up there, make sure everybody's got their handy wipes and their condoms.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: I'm totally fine with that.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: No, you want a warm towel?
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Would you like a warm towel?
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Warm damp, dry, damp towel.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Warm damp towel.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Warm moist towel.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: I got one here for you.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Just clean up that jizz off your face.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Here you go, sweetie, doot, doot, doot.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that kind of thing I am totally down for that.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I love that so very much.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: I just learned that.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: So, now that I've been developing my character over this time, I got to go to a party somewhere and figure all that out.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I've been taking a little break because of the party scene trying to figure out what I want to do.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Plus, there was some chum not chum in the water.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: It's like the storm was brewing off in the distance and I saw it and when it came I was out the water.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I took my boat from the middle of the Gulf of Mexico where the storm was brewing.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what storm name we're on now.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: Whatever letter it is Storm Z, Hurricane Z.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Let's just say that I'm not going to name any specific, just in case somebody got blown away by one of the big ones at some point.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Goodness Dodged a bullet this year.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I'll just say that right now for us Floridians, especially in the middle, maybe not so much on the West Coast, but yeah, it was rough.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I saw a storm brewing and I always see a storm brewing.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: I'll get to that point a little bit later how.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: I'm on the outside of the restaurant looking in, but I'm not actually inside where everybody's partying in the restaurant.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: You know when they have the Mexican restaurant and it turns into a club on weeknights or weeknights, on weekend nights, after everybody's, after the restaurant business is done.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: I don't know if anybody's seen that.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Uh, I didn't know if it was an up north thing or just a down south thing, but they definitely do it.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Here in florida there are secret clubs, quote, unquote, um, I'm not going to point anybody out because one.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: I don't remember the name of the place, but I just know there's certain cultures have restaurants during the day and they turn it into a bar slash club at night.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Right, dude, we got to do what you got to do.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: But I've always been the one in the parking lot like chilling, watching everybody's salsa and merengue and I'm like, oh, that's cool.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: This is, uh, hopefully a metaphor that everybody's getting what I'm saying.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: So while people are partying and doing your thing, I will drop in every now and then say hello and then just see the new crop of people come in and it's like, oh, new people.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: They hang out here for a few months and then you know they disappear once again.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: That's my opinion.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not specifically calling out any scene.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I'm being purposely vague on purpose.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, purposely vague on purpose, just so y'all know.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: What I'm saying is there's a lot of turnover in the different lifestyles that I'm part of.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: If you all have been in into a lot, into any of the lifestyles, let's just say any of the lifestyles we cover here, once again, around the kiki campfire and the pillow for sessions, both, both episodes we cover topics that are in the non-monogamous lifestyles, the bdsm lifles and the queer lifestyles.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I will just say from my experience there is a rotation in specific community places where people will come in really hard for a few months and then they'll disappear and I like to see all of that.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: I'll just put it that way.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: It's not like I enjoy people rotating in and out.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: I can't, you know, I'm not going to judge people's involvement in the lifestyles.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Good tea.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I forgot to say not sponsored.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Great value does not sponsor this podcast, unfortunately, but we will take a sponsorship.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: But I just want to say, on the outside, looking in, I have always been the type of person to see stuff happening and be very observant.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I realize that now I was didn't really think that was like a, a skill or a habit I had.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: I just always been that way as kind of like I don't want to say traumatic, it's a self-preservation, I'll say self-preservation mode been very observant and I see things and I see people doing things and I always was confused and all the way growing up until I was maybe in my 20s, late 20s.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Late 20s is when I started the self-awareness journey just so happened to coincide with my king journey and specifically active in the public community and I just was like, huh, stuff is not making sense to me and it's taken me until now in my 40s.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Let's just say that I don't have any problem saying my age.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: This is so disappointing.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: Not disappointing, it's just sad to hear my age, but it's like it took me until within the last couple years to be like, oh, this is why, and this is why my journey into mindfulness and meditation and self-awareness has, like really just it exponentially grew.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: I was doing it for a long time, even before I started this podcast, and it was slowly growing while I was doing this podcast and now it's exponentially grown.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: It's like I see things and I see people acting weird and I'm wondering why, as a person, you would walk into like a pit trap.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: It's literally not even a pit trap.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: It's literally not even uh, uh, uh, pit, uh, I can't think of the words, but it's like a trap.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: It's a trap.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Admiral akbar said it's a trap.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: You're walking right into it and you don't, I don't know.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Your eyes are glazed over, glossed over, because you see something shiny and you're like, oh, let me go ahead and walk right into that.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: And it's like why are you doing that?
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Why are you doing that?
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Yes, people, I'm being purposely vague.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you this right now.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: I'm being purposely vague, goodness, yeah.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: So, needless to say and I don't want to call out anybody specifically because I want to take a minute here and thank the organizers.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: I know for a fact because my friends notice.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I said my friends, I don't organize stuff.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: My friends organize parties and social events and run establishments and it's like boy, more power to you.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: That seems just more of a headache.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Uh, I will just say even for me as like an introvert, and thinking about that stuff I already get burnout.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: I'm like Ooh, that's too much.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: But if they didn't do it we wouldn't have it Yummy.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: So I want I just want to say thank you very much to all my friends.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I tell people I have to.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I tell my friends I have this podcast.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I don't know if they listen or not.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know if they listen or not.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: I, I don't know.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I just my friends and anybody that runs stuff.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Thank you very much because it is a headache.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: I know how it is, even though I don't run it myself.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: There's a reason why I don't run it myself.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: I see it telling you, right now I can see the storm brewing.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Hurricane z's out there.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: It's out there and it's like I don't want to deal with that because people I'm gonna say dumb ass people gonna have opinions and don't have solutions or alternates.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: It's like you don't like something, go start your own fucking event.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: You don't like something, don't come.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: It's like, if nothing else, just don't come.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: This is just crazy to me.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: It's like you're going to have an opinion, you're going to say something oh yeah, I don't like something, but are you going to help me with this?
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: This is see, that kind of stuff drives me insane, not literally, but it's annoying.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: And it's like you ain't going to help, but then you're going to complain.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: See, I was never raised that way.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: That's my thing.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I will give somebody constructed criticism.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Now I will say that it wasn't always constructed criticism.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: It was, it was, it was, yeah, it was not helpful.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Let's just say that sometimes it was complaining, but I would give an alternative.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: You know I'm not trying to say I'm holier than thou or anything like that.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I can't even say that because it wasn't like a conscious choice.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: This is a habit I had and once again, we know the habits are unconscious actions.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: I was just raised to not just complain but be helpful.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: At least I would be like I'm not gonna.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do it, but if you can find somebody to do it.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: This would be helpful.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: This would be something you could do as an alternative and I try, try to be like, hey, coming from an introvert side, it'd be like it's less I don't even introvert, it's like less, more logical side.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: It would require less effort on your part if you did it this way instead I'm all about energy conservation.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: They might not have been that way, that might not have been their motivation.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: I mean, they started the thing in the first place and that takes a lot of energy.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: For some people Some people you know, especially like extroverts, they get more energy from doing the thing and being social and stuff like that.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: It's like Ooh man, I would just not.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't run a big party myself of any kind.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: I would have people over my place, but that drains me because that's a lot right there.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: But you know, I wouldn't just complain, I'd offer a different solution.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: But it seems like very much in society nowadays people just want to complain and talk about shit and it's like you ain't helpful.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: That's not helpful at all.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: So for the people that can do that and still run things, I appreciate it myself.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: For my friends that do it, and also anybody listening out there not in Florida or wherever you are.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: If I don't you know personally, know you, I appreciate your help anyway.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: We I I don't have to know you to know you're going through some struggles, so more power to you Now.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: With that being said, some people and I got to get a little bit deeper here.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: A little bit deeper here, a little bit darker.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately, some people will come to sabotage your event or place there or whatever, and some people drinking for drama, some people will be, let's just say, really not helpful.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to avoid the predatory word, but I'll just go ahead and say it.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: I can't think of anything else.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: Some people will be predatory.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: They will be there to poach.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Now, I'm not going to assign a gender, because I'm pretty sure most of you have an idea of your head what I'm talking about.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: For me myself, I've seen it in all different genders, so you can attach that however you want.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: I'll just say it happens.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, people will go there and poach, and these are not the greatest people.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: Some of them are just straight assholes and they have poor social skills and they are motivated in ways that I do not understand.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Being on the A-spectrum, I like to have a good, boring conversation and some of these people are physically motivated, let's just say that, and they are assholes.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I can recognize those assholes.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: But I will say and I'm just going to be honest here factual.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: I was born in a body that was assigned male at birth and bigger than the average not a whole lot bigger, but bigger than the average and darker, minority-wise, race-wise, whatever you get what I'm saying.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: I've said my race before and that affords me certain privileges.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: I'll just say that right now.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: I didn't care to have these privileges, I didn't ask for these privileges when I was born.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: I just have these privileges.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: So with these privileges and I'm saying privileges because I know it's a thing so I can't really straight up talk out of my ass because I don't understand everybody's perspective but I'll say, with these privileges, if I don't go talk to people, most of the time they don't talk to me.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: It's literally like 99% of the time.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: So if I had any partners listening, I'll tell you right now y'all might find me attractive, but not everybody else does.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's just all there is to it.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: If anybody has joined the Instagram CampfireKinksters Campfire with a K You'll see some pictures of me on there, because I'm trying to be more social media find me attractive, I appreciate it.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: If you don't, I don't.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: You know I appreciate it.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: I don't really care either way, but my point is, if I don't talk to people, they don't come talk to me.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: In most cases people are like oh, julius is intimidating.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: It's like okay, I don't know why did you talk to me?
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: No, most of these people talk to my partners.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: That's been a thing since forever.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: I think it's more of a thing outside of kink.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: I just didn't really go to public events with partners back that long ago, this over 10 years ago, I don't even remember, I just know.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: More recently, in general, even my friends people I consider my friends they all talk to my partners before me and be like, oh, julius is intimidating.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, I don't understand Because I call you out on your bullshit.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: Am I too sarcastic or something?
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Is my thinky face too bitchy?
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Looking Resting bitch face?
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Is my thinking face or something like that.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: I guess I don't know, I don't know, but I face, or something like that.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: I guess I don't know, I don't know, but I will say that.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: So for people that are more approachable, let's just say they're nicer than I am.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: Let's say that they're nicer than I am for more for people that are more approachable.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: I understand you have a different perspective than I do.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: I'll say that right now.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Uh, if I got approached more then I would definitely have a different perspective on all this.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: I I would have less privilege.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: Now I'm not saying I don't get approached, I'm just saying more often, like I said, 99% of the time I don't get approached.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: But when I do get approached, of course my introvert flags go off.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: Flags, warning bells, signals, smoke signals, call signs, whatever you want to call it, alert warnings go off.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: It's like, first of all, you are a intruding virus on my program, my computer program.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: Until I get to know you, I don't care who it is like.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: Whoa, why are you in my space?
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: First of all, I don't know.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: I can't even handle being approached.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: That's how it is.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: I'm not to it.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: I'm used to scaring people off.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: So if they like look over and they see a scary looking face, you like going up and walking to Michael Myers is like you got a weird mask, but I'm going to go talk to you anyway.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: It's very strange, but I appreciate it.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Thank you, people that come up and still talk to me and flirt.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: What is flirting?
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: What is flirt?
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Flirt, what is flirting?
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: What is flirt?
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: I appreciate it, but you know, so I have that one percent that where people come up and I've gotten grabbed and stuff like that as well, like physically, it's like whoa, whoa, I don't know you what you are, don't be grabbing my ass.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: I know it looks delicious, but don't grab it if I don't know who you are.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: Even my friends actually don't grab it if you're not a partner, I'll say that, right now, just don't do it.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: Don't do it, just don't grab it.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: If you're not a partner, I'll say that right now, just don't do it.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Don't do it, just don't do it.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: It's crazy, cause they're physically smaller than I am and they're still going to grab my ass without permission, without consent, really.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: So, wow, that's just shocking to me when it happens, cause when it's again 1%, 1% people, people, if you don't know, is like once, maybe, not even a year, like a year and a half.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: Let's go with that one once every 1.5 years on average, so I'm not used to it.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: When it happens, it's kind of interesting, especially uh, well, no, so I will say okay.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: So the kiki events usually have no alcohol, little, very little alcohol.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: We too, but yeah, there's not a lot of un-sober intoxicated people.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: There's not a lot of intoxicated people.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: So I will say there's more instances of the grabbing in a swingers place, just as on average, like I said, my opinion there's usually more alcohol involved.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know what other drugs are involved, because I've never really been around heavy drugs.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I smell the weed.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: I don't see the weed.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: Nobody offers me the weed at the swingers places and the clubs.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: I just don't see it.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: But the dungeons and play parties that are usually bdsm focused, not a whole lot of intoxication.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: There can be swinging a heavy uh instrument onto somebody and be intoxicated.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: That is not good.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: You should be sober.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: That is me being very judgy.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: If you're not the type of person that does that, I will say I will be judgy on that point specifically.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: So I want to say, before I run out of time, my point is there are people that are not having your well-being in mind.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Okay, I want to talk about PRIC.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: We're not doing SSC anymore, not doing SSC, so we'll focus on PRIC and RAC.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Risk-aware consensual kink is RAC and personally, responsible, informed consensual kink is PRIC In well life.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I'll say that In life.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not even going to limit it to a kink situation as far as mostly everybody should be doing this.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Monogamous people should be doing this, vanilla people should be doing this, heteronormative people should be doing this.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: You should still be doing this and it says kink at the end.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: But it's like life.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: What is it?
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: Prickle, prickle I'm going to make a new one, new acronym PRICOL.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: Consensual life should be doing here.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, I just had a thought of all the one-night stands that happen.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: When drunken one-night stands, it's like ooh-wee, y'all are risky.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Never understood it until I learned about the A-spectrum Self-awareness people.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: It can save you from weird situations.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: But yeah, there's people that don't have your motivation and then they also are not.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Back to my point about having your perspective on life.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: They could be just like stress state triggered.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: You know, especially if you're like in a BDSM situation, you're doing scenes, your hormones are all over the place because you're beating somebody, you're getting beat and yeah, I don't even know how to make this point without seeming judgy.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: It's like you gotta be informed.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: You like your observation skills.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: Just you know this is.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: This is where it gets kind of muddy, this point right here, because I'm being on the a spectrum.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Um, my kink has to do more with the sexual side, so it's like ace, ace, kink, aro, a, a, a kinkle, a kinkle.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: It's tied to my sexual drive.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: So I wonder what that would be, cause I'm not.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: My motivation is not to kink somebody or to fuck somebody.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: When I meet them, I want to know your personality and how you think.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: So when I'm talking to somebody, even if they are like physically, aesthetically, pleasing, it's like I'm still going to talk to you.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's like I still have my warnings up because my motivations are not muddied.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I'm not horned up.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: I guess I don't even know what to call that Kinked up, kinked up and horned up that kind of thing.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: So I will say this is my opinion.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: When I see somebody creepy, I'm like I'm not going to deal with you and I'm going to have a bunch of safety checks going on.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: So just be aware of that.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: People.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: This wasn't really super.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: You know finite definitions going into certain situations.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: You know finite definitions going into certain situations and I was.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I was specifically being generic with the play parties, the dungeons and the clubs and it's like, if you want me to go into a deeper vibe, I should probably teach a class on that.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Uh, get those perspective not perspective observation skills up when you see a creeper out there.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: I do want to start a class like that where you anti-creeper one to watch out for creepiness and two, if you're a creeper and you don't know it, get your shit together because people gonna call you out at some point.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: If you ain't working on yourself and if you have to be told multiple times that you're a creeper, then something must meet, something must be going on with you.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: Specifically, if you can't find partners, that's your problem.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: That is Julius's opinion.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Thank you very much.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, so how do I wrap this up?
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: Because it's very vague, because I wasn't trying to call anything out specifically, not even that I care to get in trouble myself.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: It's just the point of this whole talk is it happens all over the place.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: And I'm telling you right now people, julius goes to all kinds of social events.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: I go to board game social events.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: I go to just cocktail at the bar up the road that's up in the sky somewhere.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: I go to a chess competition.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: All this shit happens on all these different things.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: So please do not assume it happens in the kink.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: I know vanilla people like to say that all the sex people oh, they're just trying to fuck.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: All the swingers and the open people, they're just trying to fuck.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: No, this shit happens at the fucking chess club, like what you can be at the pinochle thing, and it happens.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: People need to be aware.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: It's just we touch other people when we first meet them.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: That's the only difference.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you're playing bridge or cribbage or something like that, you're probably not going to smack somebody on the ass, but this shit happens everywhere.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: I don't I want people just to make it seem like it's a specific, uh, specific kind of place just because we hang people from the ceilings or something like that.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: That's kind of stupid and ignorant.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: I'll'll just say so myself.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: But once again, that is Julius's opinion.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: I wish I could leave you guys a little nugget of wisdom.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: But go out there and get self-aware.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: Stop the mindlessness, begin the mindfulness out there.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: I will say that If you're having issues, in my opinion Julius's opinion you need to work on your self-awareness.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, so that's all.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: I'll leave it at that point.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: I could ram on a little bit more about this without being specific.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: I understand.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: Sorry, campsters, if you want more specific, you'll have to come to a julius run class.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: Anti-creepers 101, 201 and 301 I don't know how many series I would need at that point.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: But yeah, this, this stuff got to go.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: This anti-creeper shit, don't get them.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: Assumptions out of there.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you right now that's definitely going to be one of the cry what is what is?
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Do this hate the most assumptions, incorrect assumptions.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: That's going to be 100 on the syllabus, probably going to be a section.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: They're going to be a day in every one of the levels where assumptions are talked about, so we can get them out of here.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, poor in this horrendous, I see it coming.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: I told you, hurricane z's out there.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: We need a bigger boat.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: Get them both to shore.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: We ain't uh, forest gump and lieutenant dan out there in the mode getting all the shrimps.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: That's not how it works.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: You, your boat gets turned over, it gets sunk and you lose out on your business.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: Then creep hurricane out there, hurricane C, there you go.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: Hurricane C, that's what I should have called it, but that's all for now.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: This is your host the Taco Knuckle, the Cuddle Gigolo, the Colonel McBee, the Fresno Bob or the HH Julius, julius or just Julius.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Unofficially, unofficially, uh, unformatively, this has been a episode of the pillow for sessions from around the kinky campfire podcast.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: Once again, we have a podcast going out on all the streaming platforms.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: We'll just say all of them, all the major ones out there.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: Uh, usually on Thursdays, most of the time we're doing pretty well and you'll hear me probably talking to myself more often while you guys are listening in.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: But hopefully we have a rotating co-host thing going on and you might hear me on another podcast.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: We'll see about that.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: Future plans for the 2025.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: Looking forward to it.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: That is all for now.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: Hello.