Latest / The Daily Sarcast / June 11th, 2026: Social Media Bans, SpaceX Makes Millionaires And My Week

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June 11th, 2026: Social Media Bans, SpaceX Makes Millionaires And My Week · The Daily Sarcast

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  Today's episode is brought to you by the flowers from Trader Joe's.
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  They are so beautiful and so cheap and last so long.
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  I always thought it would be cool if it was a story about them.
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  That's a little challenging right now, to put it mildly.
• 0:13
  Tim Allen on not being able to do a home improvement reboot because the boys
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  who played his sons are not able to get along.
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  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and made you a laugh.
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  I'm Lindsay Vernick and today is June 11th, 2026.
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  So today we're starting off in Australia, where the government has tried to
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  do something very bold, brave, and pretty delusional too.
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  I've talked about this on the pod before. So they passed a law banning kids
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  under 16 from having any social media accounts.
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  But obviously there was no stopping them from still getting in.
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  I mean, six months later, their results are in, and shocker, it's not working.
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  Most teens are still on the apps. They have Instagram, Snapchat,
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  TikTok, all still there.
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  They're on it and they're thriving, emotionally unwell, but functioning.
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  Some kids are literally bypassing the system by doing things like drawing mustaches
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  on their face for age verification scans, which kind of feels like a Nickelodeon
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  prank challenge from 2009.
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  So on paper, this all exists, but it's really giving speed limit sign in Manhattan.
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  Now here's where it gets interesting. Parents are actually loving it.
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  I mean, of course, not because it's stopping anything, but because like their
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  kids aren't on social. It's amazing.
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  And instead of them having to tell their kids no, it's now no,
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  it's actually against Australian law for you to have TikTok,
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  which is kind of really cool as a parent.
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  That's like outsourcing your authority to the government.
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  And while the ban is flopping for teens online, some parents think the real
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  impact is with the younger kids.
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  So basically the whole idea is that if you don't fix the current chaos,
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  you just prevent the next wave of chaos from downloading Snapchat at age nine
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  and learning emotional damage way too early again.
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  But kids are doing what kids do best these days, negotiating like tiny lawyers.
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  Some of them are writing persuasive essays for TikTok access.
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  And they're waiting for the bus every day in silent, phone-induced despair.
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  And so far, the law didn't break social media. Social media just said,
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  cute attempt, and kept scrolling.
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  Next up, SpaceX is going public, which is great news if you enjoy two things,
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  rockets, and suddenly discovering you accidentally made $13 million by showing up to work for a decade.
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  So spacex is finally doing an ipo and their valuation is about 1.77 trillion
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  dollars that's literally not even a real number that's like,
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  literally a minecraft like sims motherlode made up number.
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  And here's the twist this isn't just making elon musk richer which feels literally
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  so unnecessary at this point, but it's also turning about 4,400 employees into millionaires.
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  I mean, that's insane. Most offices don't even give you free snacks.
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  One guy who joined in 2011 as an intern ignored his parents telling him to go
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  to GE, and instead he stayed at SpaceX for 12 years, which is probably the best
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  decision anyone has ever made in his life.
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  And now he's sitting on over a hundred thousand shares worth around 13.5 million dollars.
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  Apparently his parents are very proud of him now, which is the universal parent
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  arc that we all know and love.
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  Phase one is you should be realistic about what you do with your life.
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  Phase two is okay, you can do it.
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  But this is risky. Phase three, when you finally are successful at it,
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  oh my god, we've always believed in you.
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  Actually, though, personally, right now, I'm in phase two, heading to phase
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  three, but not quite there yet.
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  But some employees are so rich with this new IPO, they're basically semi-retired,
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  which is a very nice way of saying they're going to take probably an extra day
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  or three days to answer emails.
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  But not everyone won here, though. Some people sold their shares early for things
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  like house payments, life expenses, and apparently in one case, Chili's gift cards,
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  which was either a huge regret or one of the most American stories ever told, or just both.
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  Imagine having to explain to your future self that you had stock in a trillion
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  dollar rocket company, but you needed to get Chili's instead.
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  The craziest part is everyone inside the company before was like,
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  this might fail and we might lose everything, but also here's your stock that
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  might make you rich beyond comprehension.
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  I mean, that's like literally emotional whiplash.
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  So now we have two outcomes. Elon Musk becomes a trillionaire and a bunch of
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  engineers become accidental lottery winners because they stayed employed long enough.
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  I can't stay at a job more than six months or I get bored Okay,
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  and for the last one today we have what's been on my mind literally all week Victor Wambiana's.
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  Height Okay, if you've been watching the Knicks and Spurs finals They're so
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  crazy and I don't I can't tell you who won last night or really what happened
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  because I didn't watch it I'm, sorry,
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  And yes, I did wear my Knicks hat all day and yes, I do like the Knicks However,
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  I don't like them that much And I'm not going to watch them by myself at home,
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  Anyway, but if you haven't watched this, you need to turn on the game or at
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  least watch some highlights because this guy on the Spurs is literally so tall, it's insane.
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  Like literally causing so much confusion.
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  So the NBA is trying to figure out how tall Wemby actually is.
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  But the thing is, nobody actually knows. Like not even his team,
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  not even physics, apparently.
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  He's been listed at 7'3", 7'4", 7'5".
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  And I think at this point, he just keeps getting taller.
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  Literally at one point, the Spurs changed his listed height within 24 hours.
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  So the thing is that Wembe might actually be 7'7". That's literally not even a height.
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  At a certain point, measuring him stops becoming a tape measure situation and
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  becomes a we need a ladder, a drone, and maybe even like a scientist.
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  When the coach was asked about the height, he said, I don't know,
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  none of us are close enough to measure him, which is, like, so believable.
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  But also, like, you could, like, stand on something and measure him that way.
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  I feel like there's definitely a way to figure that one out.
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  But yeah, he literally looks like a stretched out string bean.
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  Like, it's insane how tall he is.
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  Like, mind-blowingly tall. All right, I'll shut up about this guy.
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  And Lindsay life yesterday I went down to the unemployment office because,
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  I'm unemployed again shocker so unemployment makes you go through all of your
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  jobs within the last 18 months and for like a normal
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  person that's like oh I worked like one but it's actually like an accomplishment
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  for someone like me to have worked like a bunch of different jobs,
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  however I traveled so much last year and worked in like over five different
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  states for that hd tv show
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  so i literally had to go through my calendar and like airline websites to track down
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  which what which states i worked in on the exact dates which was so crazy this
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  woman literally made me relive my whole year,
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  so if you are filing for unemployment in new york i highly recommend just going
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  down to the office and try But hopefully you will never have to do that.
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  Things I did this week for my first week of unemployment this summer.
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  I went to the gym at 2 p.m. I stayed at an event until 11 p.m. on a weeknight.
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  I went to an event at 8 p.m. on a weeknight. I went to get pizza by myself,
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  and I ate it at one of the tables for the first time ever.
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  And I screamed at what I'm pretty sure are rats living inside my wall.
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  Yes, I know I'm like freaking out about this right now. This is a very developing new situation.
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  More on this tomorrow, but it's definitely not pipes from what Chad is telling me.
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  And also my parents are not answering, and it's not like they can do much for me.
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  But you know what it's like when you're like alone and your parents aren't answering
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  and you don't have a boyfriend like what's a girl supposed to do,
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  cooking tip of the day if a recipe says stir constantly it means don't leave
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  the kitchen for one second unless you enjoy smoky consequences and regret
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  feedback comments questions a nice jewish pie looking for a date email me at
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  lindsay at the daily sarcast.com thanks so much for listening talk to you guys tomorrow.