Latest / Libido Lounge / How to Heal Sexual Shame and Reignite Desire in a Long-Term Relationship with Jannine MacKinnon
Transcript
- 0:00Sex magic is using your sexual energy as our creation life force energy.
- 0:06We can also channel it to manifest all of our desires through different practices.
- 0:12Janine is a sacred sexuality coach, speaker, and host of the sacred sex for real women
- 0:18podcast.
- 0:19She's passionate about helping women reconnect with their sensuality, awaken their erotic
- 0:24energy, and embrace their full feminine expression with out the pressure to be more
- 0:30spiritual or do it perfectly.
- 0:33Through nervous system support, pleasure based practices, and real life tools, Janine guides
- 0:38women into deeper self trust, confidence, and liberation.
- 0:42Her approach to sex magic is down to earth and empowering.
- 0:45She shows women how to use their sexual energy as a powerful force for manifestation and
- 0:50creating a life that truly turns them on.
- 0:54Using sexual energy, building up pleasure within our bodies, visualizing the scene in
- 1:01this reality, weaving in the embodiment into all five senses.
- 1:07We breathe the sexual energy through these various places within our body, shifting
- 1:14through some different blockages that may be there subconsciously or emotionally.
- 1:20Our sexuality is really where our power comes from.
- 1:23The greatest transformation comes through the taboo.
- 1:28For a limited time, when you buy my best selling new release book, you will get a ton of
- 1:36bonuses for free when you take time to leave me an honest review.
- 1:40I want you to get these bonuses.
- 1:42This is only available for a short time period.
- 1:44So if you head over to wanttowantit.com, you're not only gonna get all these free bonus, but
- 1:50you're gonna get access to this book where we talk about root causes of low libido.
- 1:55We talk about how to have better sex.
- 1:57We talk about how to get more sex and how to be better at it.
- 2:01So head over to wanttowantit.com.
- 2:03Now let's get going with our episode.
- 2:07Hey, everybody.
- 2:08Welcome back to another episode of our libido lounge.
- 2:12I'm so excited.
- 2:13We have a super unique guest, something we've never talked about today.
- 2:17We're talking about the power behind sex, not just for pleasure, but also for manifesting,
- 2:24also for attracting in life the things that you want and then creating the life that you want.
- 2:30And to do so, I am bringing on an expert in the topic, Janine McKinnon.
- 2:35Thank you so much for being here with me, Janine.
- 2:37It's gonna be a great show today.
- 2:39Thank you so much for having me.
- 2:40I'm very excited to bring all of this juiciness to your audience.
- 2:44Yeah.
- 2:45It's it's really interesting.
- 2:46Right?
- 2:46Because I know manifestation, law of attraction, mantras, like, you know, these are
- 2:53common topics that I think are coming up a lot and have been coming up a lot for years in the
- 2:58growth oriented type of industries.
- 3:01Right?
- 3:01People that are looking to continue to grow their lives and to improve their mindset and to
- 3:06attract things into life that they want.
- 3:09So I know for a lot of people, the idea of of manifesting or attraction, law like, things
- 3:15like the law of attraction are not going to be new topics.
- 3:18But what is interesting, and I think a different shift on this, is the idea of using
- 3:23sex and using our pleasure body for that.
- 3:27So can you can you just kind of intro, like, intro this to for us, like, what exactly is sex
- 3:33magic?
- 3:34How do you define it?
- 3:35And then we're gonna get into a little bit about, like, how people can use this to create
- 3:39the life that they want.
- 3:42Absolutely.
- 3:43So just to kind of summarize it, sex magic is using your sexual energy, which I like to frame
- 3:51as our creation life force energy.
- 3:54It's the energy that literally creates life, and we can also channel it to manifest all of
- 4:01our desires through different practices.
- 4:04Okay.
- 4:04So say more about that because I know channel is like a, you know, is a word that will
- 4:09resonate with some people and not with others.
- 4:11So when we're saying, okay.
- 4:12We have this energy, and you you channel it to create our life's desires.
- 4:17Can you say that a different way for people that might not really understand, like, what
- 4:21we're meaning by that?
- 4:23Absolutely.
- 4:24I'll break it down a little bit more.
- 4:26There's three main components.
- 4:28So using our sexual energy, building a pleasure within our bodies, whether we want to simply
- 4:36use breath, perhaps some gentle over the close touching, or going full out with our pleasure
- 4:43tools, perhaps with our partner because it can be solo or partnered.
- 4:48And so we build up this pleasure and then we weave in visualization and embodiment.
- 4:57And what that means is really visualizing the version of you that has that which you desire.
- 5:05And taking it a step further rather than just visualizing the scene in this reality, weaving
- 5:12in the embodiment, which is a really big piece of my work.
- 5:16That's dropping into all five senses.
- 5:19So more than just what do you see, what do you feel, what is your emotional state, what do you
- 5:25feel on your skin, the temperature, your clothes, what do you hear, is this
- 5:31conversations?
- 5:32Is there music in the background?
- 5:34Is it out in nature?
- 5:36What do you smell?
- 5:38What do you taste?
- 5:40And these senses do come to us in different capacities, especially if we're newer to this
- 5:45work.
- 5:45It might be a little bit harder to tap into that smell or taste I find, but it builds over
- 5:51time with the practice.
- 5:53And then we weave in that channeling of the energy.
- 5:57And so what that is, is working with our chakra system.
- 6:02The energy centers within our body going from root, basically your perineum, all the way up
- 6:09to your crown, the top of your head.
- 6:12And so while we pleasure and hold onto this visualization and this embodiment, we breathe
- 6:21the sexual energy, our turn on through these various places within our body.
- 6:29And as we're bringing this sexual energy through our chakra centers, we are kind of
- 6:37shifting through some different blockages that may be there subconsciously or emotionally.
- 6:43A big one is up at the throat where people will hold themselves back for fear of speaking their
- 6:50truth and being judged for that, or at their heart feeling like they may not be loved for
- 6:57standing in their truth.
- 7:00And so as we move through this, and it takes time in going all the way up to the top of our
- 7:06head With this visualization process, we shoot our sexual energy like a beacon of light out
- 7:15into the cosmos.
- 7:16So signaling this is what we want.
- 7:19This is what it feels like to have it.
- 7:22And then feel this energy slowly coming back down into our body, and it really shifts your
- 7:31state in how you hold yourself.
- 7:33I find compared to many different typical manifestation processes, affirmations,
- 7:40journaling, vision boards, it's not as much of a felt state.
- 7:44It's very logical.
- 7:46And so there can be those subconscious blocks hanging on in there, blocking us from the
- 7:52manifestation.
- 7:53With this being so embodied through the senses, it really helps shift our state.
- 7:59So I find that we start making decisions as the version of us who already has it, managing our
- 8:05relationships and interacting with people as if we're that new version of ourselves.
- 8:11I love it.
- 8:12And and I'm a scientist at heart, you know?
- 8:15So when it comes down to a lot of things I talk about on this podcast, it's like, what's going
- 8:19on here scientifically?
- 8:20And I I don't know if I shared with you this offline last time we talked or not, but one of
- 8:25my favorite things to do with my partner is if I'm I'm working on something in myself that I
- 8:31will, you know, tell him, like, okay, well, what I want whispered in my ear and, like, what
- 8:35would be helpful from, like, a brain reprogramming because we see, like, with
- 8:38visualization, with meditation, we see that the brain shifts into these alpha and theta, like,
- 8:44these different brainwave states where the brain is more suggestible.
- 8:47Like, that's the whole premise behind hypnosis.
- 8:50Right?
- 8:50And so with that, one of my favorite things to do with my partner is if I'm struggling with
- 8:56something, when I'm kind of more in a heightened pleasure state, then he will, you
- 9:00know, say the things that I'm trying to reprogram my brain.
- 9:03And it's like, to me, it's like, okay.
- 9:04Using the science of meditation, of what we know around the way the brain can be programmed
- 9:11in these certain states where we are more suggestible and using that as a as a
- 9:16reprogramming.
- 9:16So that's kind of how I've used, you know, something similar.
- 9:19And I'm curious.
- 9:20Like, your process is so detailed.
- 9:23So I'm curious about a couple things.
- 9:25And the first one is I think if people are listening to this three step process that you
- 9:30laid out so well, one of the first things that might come up is, okay, but how do I do all
- 9:35that, and where do I do that all that in my pleasure process?
- 9:38So let's say I'm, you know, let's say I'm starting the sensual process or the practice
- 9:42with my partner.
- 9:44Is this, like, in your mind, the way you use sex magic, is it to say, okay.
- 9:48Well, we're gonna put the orgasm and put, you know, that sort of, practice on hold, the
- 9:55builds, you know, kind of all of that, and really just focus more on, hey.
- 9:59This is a pleasure manifestation practice, or is there a way that this is overlapping?
- 10:04And if so, how are we keeping our mind focused on all the things of the five, you know, senses
- 10:10plus, like, just, you know, the intense physical things in our body and communication
- 10:14with our partner?
- 10:15How how do we do that all, and how do we differentiate that?
- 10:19Great question because there are quite a few different moving parts.
- 10:23First, I will just mention that you have it so well when it comes to incorporating with your
- 10:31partner in those pleasure experiences while you're in those brainwave states, having him
- 10:36reaffirm those things.
- 10:38That's such a deep part of the different sacred sexuality practices I guide women through.
- 10:44Because as you know, through pleasure, our nervous system is just fully open online with
- 10:49this beautiful play between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.
- 10:55Plus when we bring in all five senses, we have so many different areas of our brain open and
- 11:02activated.
- 11:03And then we're in those certain brave ways states that we're able to become so much more
- 11:09receptive to these visualizations, to these embodiments and to the affirmations as well.
- 11:16So when it comes to doing the sex magic practice, I break this down in many different
- 11:23ways because, as I said, there are a lot of moving parts.
- 11:27So I do have a free sex magic ritual kit that outlines things for easy reference to know what
- 11:35to do at each stage.
- 11:38And then I go even more in-depth in my courses.
- 11:41I have three different levels for moving through this practice.
- 11:45And when it comes to just beginning and starting, I actually recommend doing that
- 11:50through a solo practice.
- 11:53Because with all these different moving parts, it's enough to figure this out for yourself and
- 11:58find flow and continuity throughout it.
- 12:02And then teaching your partner through it as well, having them find their own flow and then
- 12:07bringing that together.
- 12:08It takes time to get to that point.
- 12:11So I recommend starting with yourself in your own personal pleasure practice and getting a
- 12:17feel for it.
- 12:19With those different components, I think it's really great to start out with that
- 12:24visualization, with that embodiment, getting really clear on what it is that you want.
- 12:31Once you feel tapped into that, bringing in the pleasure, opening your system up to that
- 12:38receptivity for that visualization, that embodiment, and then beginning to work with
- 12:45your chakras and your energy centers with that.
- 12:49So it is a little bit of a building one on top of the other to find that flow.
- 12:57And when it comes to orgasming and what kind of state do we want to get with our energy with
- 13:04this practice, I'd say you want that orgasm if it's going to happen.
- 13:10The peak moment of pleasure should be when your sexual energy has moved through your chakra
- 13:14system and is at your crown or at the top of your head and you're shooting it out.
- 13:19Now that is not a requirement.
- 13:23That's why I like saying your peak moment of pleasure.
- 13:26There are different flavors for this once someone has a hang for all of these different
- 13:31moving parts.
- 13:33I like to start with a quickie sex magic practice in the morning a couple times a week
- 13:38where it's like minutes.
- 13:41I think twelve minutes is the guided audio that I have inside my collective.
- 13:45And so you're just doing it in a little bit more simple of a way with breath, kind of
- 13:51moving your hips and your body, tapping into the pleasure a little bit with that
- 13:57visualization and the embodiment.
- 14:00And then when it comes to what I think of as the full blown ritual, which is more around,
- 14:05like, thirty, minutes in the guided audios that I have in courses, that's where you're really
- 14:11taking your time.
- 14:13You're getting so clear on the visualization.
- 14:16You're building up the pleasure, then moving through the chakra system while continuing to
- 14:23pleasure.
- 14:25Okay.
- 14:25Got it.
- 14:25So I think one of the other things that I think is gonna come up for people here is, well, if
- 14:32they like you know, chakras, think a lot of people do know what chakras or chakras, however
- 14:36we're gonna pronounce it, are.
- 14:38But a lot of people still don't.
- 14:40And so I wanna make sure we're inviting the men to this conversation as well because I know you
- 14:45are focused on women in your work.
- 14:47But, if you're listening as a man, of course, any of this energetic magic works around
- 14:52manifestation also applies to you as well.
- 14:55So just to name that for all of our male listeners.
- 14:58And, you know, if people are really just, like, not that, say, tuned into feeling, you know,
- 15:06when you're saying, okay, this feeling of this energy rising.
- 15:09Right?
- 15:10Like, what if somebody is, like, not really in tune to, like, what that feels like and and
- 15:15what we're even talking about with these terms?
- 15:17Like, where can somebody start?
- 15:19Because another thing I really wanna emphasize, everybody that's listening is is just like I
- 15:24mentioned with man meditation earlier, like, in my in my opinion, and I say this a lot in my
- 15:30work, is that that sex in many ways is one of the best mindfulness based stress types of
- 15:36activity.
- 15:37Right?
- 15:37It's all about being present in your body and, you know, bringing the mind back to the moment
- 15:42that the mind wanders.
- 15:44So I really love it, and it's a fan of mine too, to do things like like take something like
- 15:50sex and pleasure and use it for the pleasure, use it for the connection, use it for all the
- 15:53things, but also use it for all this other power that's behind it, like what Janine's
- 15:58talking about here, you know, with the with the idea of what we're talking about around what's
- 16:02used for manifestation and abundance.
- 16:04But if somebody can't even, like, feel this energy moving up their spine and then, like,
- 16:10connecting, you know, sending out and projecting to the world and then taking a
- 16:14moment to feel into that and feel as if you are that person of your future right now and
- 16:21feeling that feeling descend upon you like you were describing.
- 16:24Where do we begin if we can't even really feel that energy kind of like moving up our spine
- 16:30like you're talking about?
- 16:31How do how does somebody even start if they're like, I don't even know what a shocker is?
- 16:35Yes.
- 16:36And that's so many of us.
- 16:37And I know when I first began with this practice, the first time I was guided to
- 16:43connect with each chakra center, I couldn't feel anything.
- 16:48So I've been there myself and I will add that with my courses, I've made them gender fluid
- 16:55for both women and men because I find there just isn't that much information and resources
- 17:02about this topic available.
- 17:04So I didn't want to pigeonhole it for women, which is where most of my work lies because it
- 17:10really does cross over for all genders to be able to work with their sexual energy in this
- 17:16way.
- 17:17And with my courses, with my level one, I break it down even more in those steps when it comes
- 17:24to connecting with your chakras.
- 17:26So in there, I have a guide that explains the seven main ones that we work with, where are
- 17:33they located, what do we associate with them.
- 17:37So for example, our solar plexus is for that action and will and taking charge in our
- 17:48manifestation.
- 17:49I already touched on the heart and throat a little bit.
- 17:53Root is for feeling safe and grounded in having what we desire to call in.
- 18:01And so I break all of this down in the guide to help people get familiar with what it is
- 18:07because I find it's really helpful to have that logical backing before we drop into more of the
- 18:13embodiment side of it so we have that understanding.
- 18:17And then we're being when we're being guided in the practice, we can use that as a reference
- 18:22point.
- 18:23Because when we think about each of those things, we actually have our hormones react in
- 18:29certain ways as well, which helps with the felt sense of that.
- 18:33Joe Dispenza explains it really well in one of his books.
- 18:36I believe it's becoming supernatural where we can bridge between the logical and thinking of
- 18:44what these chakras are associated with, and it actually helps us feel those energy centers
- 18:50more and more.
- 18:51And it is a relationship that we build.
- 18:54So once we have that logical side of these energy centers, then we can weave in the
- 18:59embodiment.
- 19:00And so how I break it down in my level one course is very step by step.
- 19:05Before you're even getting into the sex magic ritual, I have a guided practice where you
- 19:11simply connect with your energy body.
- 19:13I believe it's called the connect with your energy body meditation.
- 19:17And so that
- 19:18know if I can interrupt you.
- 19:19Do you have a place where people can start today?
- 19:22Like, is there because I know you're talking a lot about your courses, which we'll definitely
- 19:25let everybody know about, but I wanna let you know, wanna see if there's a place where people
- 19:28can actually start today.
- 19:29If they're like, I wanna do something now and take an actionable step, like, what would that
- 19:34be from, like, not being able to feel into their body?
- 19:37It would be simply learning what those chakras are.
- 19:42And as you close your eyes in a bit of that meditative state and feel into one.
- 19:48So you know, for example, your root is around your perineum, breathing directly into that
- 19:57space, associating it with safety, perhaps saying, like, I am safe.
- 20:03I feel grounded, and noticing what you feel there.
- 20:08And perhaps it's nothing at first because, again, that's me, absolutely, and just taking
- 20:14the time to connect with each one in that way.
- 20:17And it is a practice.
- 20:19First time is going to be clunky, but as you keep coming back to it, you build that
- 20:24relationship with each of the chakras.
- 20:27Just a quick reminder, if you've not head over to wanttowantit.com, get your copy of my new
- 20:34best selling book and leave reviews in order to get about $200 worth of free bonuses from
- 20:41myself as well as gifts from sexual health experts around the world.
- 20:46You're going to want to get this to get to the root causes of loaded libido, solve desire
- 20:51mismatch, communicate about sex better, improve pelvic pain, erectile dysfunction, and so much
- 20:58more.
- 20:58Now let's get back to our episode.
- 21:01So it sounds like a good step would even be like just looking these up online and then
- 21:06saying, okay, well, doing like a breath work technique initially where you're just putting
- 21:11maybe your hands on these different energy centers, breathing into them and starting to
- 21:15feel this.
- 21:16And then are you saying that I know you have a much more detailed, you know, process in your
- 21:21courses, but in general, that as people start to feel these, these areas of their body
- 21:27awaken, then are you seeing that in your work that when people are more in a like a pleasure
- 21:34practice when they're either solo or eventually with their partner doing you know, having
- 21:39pleasure, making love, that they're actually then feeling eventually this energy rise up
- 21:44their spine, like you're saying?
- 21:45Is that what you're seeing?
- 21:47That can happen.
- 21:48I would say that tends to be more advanced through working through these practices quite a
- 21:53bit for it to more spontaneously happen when you're in the partnered experiences.
- 21:59Mhmm.
- 21:59And that's why a lot of my work is with your personal pleasure practice, beginning to train
- 22:05your body with this and feel into the energy in that way, and that's when it carries over.
- 22:11But what I will say with a lot of people that I'm working with that are moving through
- 22:16various flavors of these practices is that through connecting with their body in this way
- 22:21and with that presence as you touched on, their sensations just come alive.
- 22:27Like, I remember so well one of the text messages I received a couple of years ago where
- 22:32she was like, my vulva feels alive.
- 22:35She's alive again after having gone through birth and motherhood where she just felt so
- 22:41closed off.
- 22:42And moving through practices like this with the focused breath work for her, it was
- 22:47specifically with what I like to call yoni, your vulva, your vagina, your uterus, for those
- 22:52that aren't familiar with that word, yoni, is it helped her feel the sensations by connecting
- 22:59with that very specific area of her body.
- 23:02And so that transfers as you move through each of these energy centers.
- 23:08So can you tell us some other stories more from the manifestation side of things that of what
- 23:13you've seen in the work that, that you've done with women and, you know, and any men that
- 23:18you've worked with as well?
- 23:19Like, what have you seen from a standpoint of, like, real life examples of what has happened
- 23:24with, you know, using sex magic?
- 23:25I would love to hear that.
- 23:27Yes.
- 23:28One of my favorite examples because it's so tangible is this tattoo on my arm for those
- 23:34that are watching this through video is I have this floral tattoo on my arm that I manifested
- 23:41through sex magic.
- 23:43And so when I was moving through the practice, I was visualizing myself looking in the mirror
- 23:48with these various tattoos that I wanted to get.
- 23:51I believe it was one or two days later as I was scrolling Instagram, I saw a giveaway post for
- 23:57a tattoo.
- 23:58I was like, oh, isn't that interesting?
- 24:01I just had that practice.
- 24:02That's neat.
- 24:03So I entered the giveaway among thousands of other people.
- 24:08I don't know how familiar you are with those types of posts, but so many people are entering
- 24:13and like, oh, that would be nice.
- 24:15We'll see what happens.
- 24:16And then it went out of my mind and I won this giveaway.
- 24:21And so I won an $800 tattoo through sex magic.
- 24:28So that's a big wow one.
- 24:30I have also had sales come up within hours of doing the practice where I woke up, received
- 24:38the notifications, and it was for something that I hadn't actively sold in months and
- 24:43months and months.
- 24:44It just popped out of nowhere.
- 24:46I've had clients use it for calling in relationships, and I find it really helps them
- 24:52feel into the person that is a match for that partner because we can envision we want these
- 25:00different kinds of relationships in our life and this particular type of partner.
- 25:05But often what gets missed is what kind of partner do I need to be to call in this person?
- 25:12And so that's been probably one of the most rewarding to see with various people moving
- 25:18through this practice and messaging me and updating me is that they've been able to call
- 25:23in what they will sometimes call their divine masculine for the women that I'm working with.
- 25:29And so that's really beautiful as well.
- 25:31Yeah.
- 25:31Thank you.
- 25:32And I think, you you mentioned Joe Dispenza.
- 25:34I'm such a fan of his work too.
- 25:36I've studied his work for years and just love him.
- 25:38And, you know, he talks so much about instead of, like, talking about our future selves as
- 25:45our future of like, oh, like, you know, someday I will have the abundance I want, and someday I
- 25:50will have the relationship I want, and someday I will have the house and family I want.
- 25:54Actually beginning to feel into the feelings of, like, what is that gonna feel like to have
- 25:58that?
- 25:59And what is how can I take the feelings of the future and actually say, hey?
- 26:04I'm actually gonna actively choose to feel these things today even though I don't have
- 26:09them yet.
- 26:10And that, you know, it's like that's part of the, you know, drawing them in.
- 26:13And, you know, certainly, I think anytime we get into state altering, which is really what
- 26:17we're talking about here, it's so much easier to feel those things because we're putting
- 26:22ourselves into a different state.
- 26:24We're putting ourselves into different feelings, different emotions, and therefore, we
- 26:28are actually sending out different information to the So I want to switch topics a little bit,
- 26:35because I know you do help people also with things like shame, for example.
- 26:40And know, shame's come up on this podcast, several times, and it will continue because I
- 26:46think of all things that we talk about in the sex world, it's way more common than even a lot
- 26:52of people realize because a lot of shame, I think, can happen from big t traumas, you know,
- 26:57things like our abuse, our assaults, those kind of things.
- 27:01But a lot of shame can even happen from little t traumas such as, wow, I was with a partner
- 27:06and, you know, they were going down on me and they said something, you know, just a sliding
- 27:10comment about how I looked or whatnot like that, you know, something like that.
- 27:14Mhmm.
- 27:14And, you know, and and or maybe somebody jumped up real fast in the middle of sex, and it was
- 27:19very, state shifting, and it felt jarring.
- 27:23And maybe they had something on their mind, but somebody interpreted it as like, wow, that must
- 27:28have meant I'm not very good, or those kind of things, those small T traumas.
- 27:32Those can also, I think, be huge ways that we start to build shame in our body and start to
- 27:38feel there's something wrong with us.
- 27:40So I know it's different, like you said, offline.
- 27:43It's different that that type of work is different than sex magic.
- 27:46But can you tell us a little bit about, like, your thoughts on shame and sex and and how you
- 27:51approach that?
- 27:53Absolutely.
- 27:55I believe we all associate some level of shame with our sexuality.
- 28:02It's just the world we've grown up in that most cultures don't have a very positive, what I
- 28:11like to frame as a beautiful, sacred relationship with our sexuality.
- 28:16There can be a lot of shame, a lot of dirtiness or wrongness or sinfulness associated with sex
- 28:27when it comes to media and movies and different things like that.
- 28:31Sex is framed in a very specific way, which doesn't necessarily reflect our experiences in
- 28:38real life.
- 28:38It's very fast, grab a boob.
- 28:41There's lots of lust, and then we orgasm together.
- 28:44And so when that doesn't happen, perhaps there's mismatch in those orgasms, then it can
- 28:50feel like something is wrong with us and having shame around that as well as our different
- 28:55experiences with our partners, with girlfriends, and boyfriends, and things as we
- 28:59grow up.
- 29:00And so we tend to layer on this shame, and you touched on it a bit in your explanation is some
- 29:08of these experiences are very jarring.
- 29:11So we're shifting that nervous system state.
- 29:14Say it's, as you had mentioned, someone kind of jumping up and stopping in the middle of
- 29:18intimacy, we're going from that relaxed, open, parasympathetic nervous system state to all of
- 29:25a sudden our fight or flight response is on.
- 29:28And so our body can begin to associate this with sex.
- 29:34And so next time we go to have sex, perhaps with this same partner or in the future down
- 29:40the road with different partners, our body and our nervous system has remembered this if we
- 29:45haven't worked through it.
- 29:46And so we can come into sex more guarded and closed off and it may begin to take longer for
- 29:52us to open up and relax and then we put more pressure on it.
- 29:58And so it can begin to have this negative spiral where a lot of frustration and more
- 30:03shape stacks on.
- 30:04So how we get to use sexuality to work through this is very much like you touched on in the
- 30:11beginning.
- 30:12We can either ourselves or with our partner when we are in an open and pleasurable
- 30:18experience and our nervous system and our body and our subconscious is open, we can reprogram
- 30:24ourselves with what we want to feel and believe.
- 30:28It can be as simple as just saying, like, I am safe.
- 30:31I'm beautiful.
- 30:33I am sexy.
- 30:34I love sex.
- 30:35Incorporating mirror work with this can be very powerful as well.
- 30:41Seeing yourself in that state, feeling that way, and creating that safety in your system
- 30:47with it.
- 30:48So say more about mirror work.
- 30:50Are you talking about using mirrors just like without, like, when, say, you're creating a
- 30:55state and looking at yourself in the mirror?
- 30:57Are you actually talking about more using mirror work within, say, a solo or a partnered
- 31:01sexual experience?
- 31:02Can you say more about what you mean by
- 31:03that?
- 31:04Absolutely.
- 31:05So whether this is solo or partnered, having a mirror there and looking at yourself or you and
- 31:14your partner while you're moving through this with the affirmations.
- 31:18There's an added level of vulnerability, and through having that positive reinforcement
- 31:24through that vulnerability can be very reinforcing in our systems of I am safe and
- 31:31loved and sexy and whatever these things are when we're in this state.
- 31:36So for example, you're in a solo practice.
- 31:40There's a mirror there.
- 31:41As you build up, as you get to your affirmations, looking at yourself in the eye as
- 31:47you say these things, looking at your body as you feel that embodied state of I am safe.
- 31:56I feel good like this.
- 31:58I belong.
- 32:00I am loved as a sexual being.
- 32:03So what about people?
- 32:04Because I know there's so much around, you know, body shame and sex shame and more from
- 32:11the looks and appearance standpoint of things.
- 32:15And an initial concern I have for some people when I hear what you're talking about is, what
- 32:21about the people that are maybe trying something like this?
- 32:25And it almost pops them, like, into more of a dissociative type of scenario where they're not
- 32:30able to stay present because of any sort of hyper focus on certain areas of their body or
- 32:36body shame.
- 32:37Like, you know, I know even in my some of the one on one work that I do with people on Zoom,
- 32:44you know, I've had clients that don't even wanna turn their camera on on their side
- 32:49because they don't even like just, like, fully clothed having a conversation.
- 32:53They don't even like, you know, the like, looking at themselves to that level where it's
- 32:57like, wow.
- 32:57They can focus so much more on the conversation when they're not actually seeing, you know,
- 33:02their own face.
- 33:03And, obviously, that's a, you know, I think a huge sign of a area where a lot of self love
- 33:09and, you know, a lot is, probably needed there.
- 33:13But I I while I see, you know, kind of the benefit for people from a standpoint of, like,
- 33:18that mirror and visualizing back, I can also see for certain people how that could actually
- 33:23create more of like a dissociative type of experience around not being able to be in the
- 33:28present.
- 33:28So what do you say?
- 33:30Like, how do you help people like that when it comes to you doing, you know, work like you're
- 33:34talking about?
- 33:36That's where there's absolutely building blocks to this.
- 33:41And depending where someone is at in their journey, I think there's a bit of self
- 33:46responsibility in leaning into, like, am I ready for this?
- 33:49Or noticing if they try it and that disassociation comes up or that strong
- 33:55discomfort to it, not even wanting to look at themselves at all or feeling their body shut
- 34:00down and not feeling that pleasure.
- 34:03Those are all signs that they're not quite ready for a practice like this.
- 34:09And so not including the mirror until they feel more ready for it.
- 34:13Depending what type of experiences or traumas they've been through, perhaps seeking more one
- 34:19on one support with something like yourself or myself to help support them through that.
- 34:25I also find journaling can be a really great intro into this.
- 34:32I love walking people through what I call sexuality shadow work.
- 34:36And so it's using that logical processing to start to look at things.
- 34:42Where do my sexual beliefs come from?
- 34:45So what do I believe about myself and my sexuality?
- 34:48Do I feel shame because my inner labia protrude outside of my outer labia?
- 34:56That's a very common one for feeling shame.
- 35:00And so looking at what do I believe?
- 35:02Then going further, where do these beliefs come from?
- 35:06Is it something a partner said in an intimate experience or perhaps on more of the male side,
- 35:16some different, remarks around not lasting long enough or something like that.
- 35:23And so, okay, what have we learned in our partner experiences?
- 35:27What did we learn from family?
- 35:29What did we learn from media?
- 35:31And really bringing clarity around these where these beliefs came from because often they're
- 35:36not actually ours.
- 35:38They've been something that we've taken on from these different experiences, from our different
- 35:43surroundings.
- 35:44And then looking at what do I truly believe?
- 35:48What do I desire to believe?
- 35:51Because we get to choose our belief systems as much as we've been programmed from our
- 35:55surroundings, we get to program ourselves through different practices like we've been
- 36:00talking about.
- 36:01So getting clear on what we want to believe and then going further, how can we support
- 36:06ourselves in these beliefs?
- 36:08Perhaps it's listening to podcasts like yours where it helps support these types of beliefs
- 36:13of, yes, sexuality gets to be fun and pleasurable and all of these different things.
- 36:19What other ways can I support myself with it?
- 36:22Perhaps I want to feel more sexy in my day to day, and so it's putting some nice underwear on
- 36:28underneath my clothes so it's just personal.
- 36:30It's just for me, and it helps create safety wearing these things and feeling this way and
- 36:36slowly building on building blocks like that.
- 36:40Often when we have a lot of shame and discomfort, it can be really hard to talk about
- 36:44things with our partner.
- 36:46Yeah.
- 36:46And so another way is, again, using podcasts like yours and mine where it's, oh, I heard
- 36:52this thing on this podcast.
- 36:54What do you think about it?
- 36:56So it helps take the spotlight away from yourself and it can be a little bit easier to
- 37:02bring up in conversation.
- 37:03So there's all of these different little building blocks before we get to something that
- 37:09is a little bit more advanced, say, with mirror work where it's a bit more vulnerable and we
- 37:14can trigger more of that shame.
- 37:16Yeah.
- 37:17That's really helpful.
- 37:18Thank you for that.
- 37:19And as we reach our conclusion here, I know we're going to let people know how to find out
- 37:23about you.
- 37:24But what else have we not said today do you feel like?
- 37:27Is there anything else left unsaid that we have to make sure people know about?
- 37:31I guess I would like to just share that I feel like our sexuality is really where our power
- 37:40comes from.
- 37:41And I like to say that the greatest transformation comes through the taboo.
- 37:45Sex is a huge taboo.
- 37:48So when we learn to feel empowered in our sexuality, when we learn to let go of the shame
- 37:56and the guilt and the fear of judgment and all these different things when it comes to
- 38:00sexuality and learn to use our voice and receive that positive feedback when we are in
- 38:08our sexual power.
- 38:10It has a massive ripple effect throughout all areas of our life.
- 38:15When we learn to be able to speak our desires and have them met from our partners, it becomes
- 38:22way easier to ask for a raise from our boss, for example.
- 38:27And so I find sexuality is often shied away from, but it really has this massive
- 38:33opportunity to come into your full authentic expression and see that ripple effect
- 38:39throughout all areas of your life.
- 38:42Yeah.
- 38:42Beautiful.
- 38:43Thank you so much, and thank you so much for being here.
- 38:45I want everybody to know about your free five day sensual embodiment challenge that you've
- 38:51gifted our audience with.
- 38:53So tell us about that.
- 38:55Yes.
- 38:56So the free five day central embodiment challenge, I will say it is geared more towards
- 39:01women, and it's to begin to get you in touch with your sensuality and rewire your nervous
- 39:09system and your subconscious to feel safe and radiant moving through much of the things we've
- 39:15talked about.
- 39:16There's the sexual shadow work journal prompts within that, And there are four guided
- 39:22practices that are ten ish minutes long that walk you through in a very slow step by step
- 39:29way without getting into full on pleasure.
- 39:33And so that is available for all of your listeners.
- 39:36Okay.
- 39:36Amazing.
- 39:37And we'll have the link for that, everybody, in the show notes today, as well as all the links
- 39:42on how to get, some of Janine's courses that she told us about, her website, her podcast,
- 39:49and, you know, more of the ways that you can work with her.
- 39:52So I wanna thank you so much for spending time with me.
- 39:55I really hope everybody will take some of these intro steps that Janine talked about, beginning
- 40:00to feel your energy body, beginning to begin your pleasure practice from the standpoint of
- 40:07state changing for manifestation.
- 40:10And go and download her free challenge so that you can have that step by step guidance because
- 40:15as she said, there's a lot of steps by this, and having a little bit more of a program to
- 40:20work through can help you from getting lost on, like, what do I do next, and what happens if
- 40:24this comes up, etcetera, etcetera.
- 40:26So I definitely encourage you to use all those amazing resources she gave out.
- 40:29And thank you again, everybody, for tuning in to another episode of the lounge.
- 40:34We will see you all real soon.
- 40:36Ciao for now.
- 40:37Thank you.
- 40:38Bye.
- 40:42Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
- 40:44Please don't keep me a secret.
- 40:46Please share this with your friends.
- 40:48You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.