Latest / SECOND CLOCK™ / SEASON 6 | STAGNANT NO MORE

Transcript

SEASON 6 | STAGNANT NO MORE · SECOND CLOCK™

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  I've heard it said that people can change, but only if they
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  want to. So what would it take for you to
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  try it? Change the way you think, feel,
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  relate and experience situations.
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  For me, I wanted to find the truth and little by little I did
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  become different and old conditionings gone.
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  Then I set a new course. I refer to that as the second
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  clock. Join me, click follow, like and
• 0:29
  subscribe and let's see where this leads.
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  I used to be so nostalgic I guess I just wanted everything
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  to stay the same. I wanted everything and everyone
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  in their proper place in my life and in my world.
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  I never saw myself moving or changing.
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  I guess I don't recognize that girl anymore.
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  I actually don't recognize the girl from just two years ago.
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  I feel like now all I do is welcome and change and I'm
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  embracing every change, every experience that made me change,
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  even the bad and difficult ones. I realized I don't hold on to
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  the past like I used to. I figured this out when an old
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  friend of mine reached out to me.
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  I haven't spoken to her in 15 years.
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  We had lost touch when she moved to Europe, but now she was
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  passing through LA for just a few days and wanted to
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  reconnect. I jumped at the chance.
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  This is somebody that I always thought had such a beautiful
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  presence, A sparkly aura. So before we met, I sent her a
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  text with, I guess the Cliff notes of all the changes that
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  have happened in my life over the last few years.
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  I felt like that way she could ask questions about what she was
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  interested in or curious about, or we could skip over it all
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  together. When I got to the coffee shop I
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  was first to arrive, so when the door opened and my friend walked
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  through, she was still as sparkly as ever and as smiley as
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  always. She quickly ran over to me.
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  I got a big hug from her and then she said guess what?
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  I brought pictures of us from when we were young.
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  I thought we could look at them, take a walk down memory lane and
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  that's when I knew I had changed.
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  The old girl would have been like, yes, let's look, let's
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  reminisce, let's think about how we used to be.
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  But no, that wasn't me anymore. And like a knee jerk reaction, I
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  said I don't need to see those pictures.
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  I know exactly what those pictures look like and I don't
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  want to focus on the past. I want to leave that behind me.
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  I just want to move forward now. She looked at me puzzled, but I
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  think as we spoke, I think she understood, understood my
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  perspective. See the girl in those pictures,
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  I don't think she resembles me, not in looks, but in
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  personality. I think she was weighed down by
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  other people's ideas, other people's wants and needs for
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  her. I've shed so much of that and I
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  don't need to look back because that girl in those pictures,
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  well, I see her clearly now. She was held back and a little
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  bit sad. As we talked.
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  My friend said, I'm sorry to hear that you're separated, that
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  must be hard. And I said no, not at all.
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  It's one of the most aligned decisions I've made.
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  I guess it's a decision that I actually chose, unlike so many
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  other decisions that I feel like I kind of just went with things.
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  Later that evening, when I looked back on the question my
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  friend had posed to me, I thought back to a conversation
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  that I had had with my first boyfriend.
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  I guess I was in a nostalgic mood.
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  I remembered that I hadn't dated this guy long and I didn't know
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  anything about what it was to date.
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  As far as I was concerned, it was all about days passing,
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  weeks passing, months passing, years passing, and then finding
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  yourself having spent a life with somebody.
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  That's how I measured a relationship, not on growth or
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  on compatibility, just on time passing.
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  So when I got a phone call from my then boyfriend and he said we
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  got to talk, I didn't know that that was a bad sign.
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  Like a you don't want to listen to what he has to say talk.
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  I was hopeful. I was naive and he said so I
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  feel like our relationship has become stagnant.
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  At that time I had no idea what that word meant, but I was
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  quickly going to find out because he was going to define
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  our relationship and where he thought we were at.
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  He said when I'm in a relationship, I measure it on
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  the growth, on what we can learn.
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  And I feel like I've learned all there is to learn from this
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  relationship. And now we can remain friends,
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  of course. But as far as us being in a
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  relationship, I think it's plateaued.
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  I sat there pretty confused. I didn't know what had
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  plateaued, I didn't know what he was talking about.
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  Of course, now looking back, I know exactly what he's talking
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  about. And I guess I came to that same
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  conclusion regarding my marriage.
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  I felt like after 20 years of relating and partnering and
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  experiencing life together, I felt like we had stagnated and
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  it wasn't a bad thing to me. I saw it as a perfect ending, as
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  a way to say thank you. I've learned so much and I hope
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  you have too. And now let's go learn with
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  others. Let's go try new things.
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  Let's go see what else is out there.
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  I'm very aware that this is a perspective that is not shared
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  by most, but for a lot of people that I've met that are separated
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  or recently divorced, they're not all hum glum.
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  A lot of people see this as a new way to experience life, try
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  things out, get lost in who they used to be before they were
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  married, or start to think about who they want to be now that
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  they're not married. I wish this idea was more common
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  or more spoken about or even more accepted, because when my
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  friend just said I'm sorry, this must be tough being separated.
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  I wish that that had been exchanged with curiosity
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  questions, wondering how did it happen, What are you going to do
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  next? You've got options.
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  Have you explored them? If you have, what have you found
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  now? I know not all people are
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  excited about being separated or divorced.
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  Not all people welcome this new change.
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  Some people didn't want it in the first place.
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  But for me, relationships can be as simple as I've learned, as
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  much as I'm going to learn. And now it's time to say thank
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  you and move on. I don't know if there's so much
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  of A benefit and things being strained, awkward or difficult.
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  For me, that relationship can be celebrated.
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  After all, being with someone for 20 years, you learn a lot,
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  you change a lot, and you grow a lot.
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  Sometimes you grow together, sometimes you grow apart, and
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  sometimes you just grow into something different.
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  For me and my former spouse, we just grew into something
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  different, but it also came with awareness.
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  I was aware that I was searching for something now.
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  I wasn't searching for something for long.
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  It kind of just came about. My life had started to shift.
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  I had a new job, I had a new outlook, new people around me,
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  and I guess I just started seeing things in a new way.
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  I don't blame my job. If anything, I'm grateful.
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  I'm grateful that I could become aware because before then I was
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  very much asleep, very much accepting of what was, and I
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  wasn't ready to embrace anything new.
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  I was that girl that wanted everything to stay the same,
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  everything to have its proper place.
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  When I think back to my friend that I hadn't seen in 15 years
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  and what she was like when she was in college, she thought
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  differently. She saw her future differently.
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  It was atypical. I remember when she was in
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  college, she would say, I don't want to get married, I don't
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  want to have kids. I want to do things differently.
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  At the time, I didn't believe her.
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  I didn't believe she knew what she wanted.
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  I just thought, no, she's going to be like everybody else.
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  She's going to conform. She's going to realize that
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  marriage and having kids is what we do.
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  And for a lot of us, it is what we do.
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  And for me, that is the route I chose.
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  And I am incredibly grateful because for me, I feel like I
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  got to live life both ways. I got to live life having been
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  married and having to have children, and now I get to live
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  life differently. I get to know what it's like to
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  be me again. Single, but with the added bonus
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  of having kids. I consider everything worked out
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  the way it was supposed to for me.
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  That is now for my friend. She stayed the course mostly
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  after getting what people would perceive as a good job, a secure
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  and steady career path. She decided to let go of that
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  job and move to Europe. And that's when she found more
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  of herself, more of her authentic self.
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  And then that's when she met someone.
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  And then with love and practicality combined, they
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  decided to get married and then retire early, like in their 30s,
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  and go around South America until they wanted to settle
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  again. And at that point, they didn't
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  know where to settle. And then they chose Colorado,
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  and that's where they made their home.
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  But even after they planted some roots, they still kept that free
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  spirit, the essence of their relationship.
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  I got to hear about what my friend had been up to in all
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  those years over coffees and matcha, and I got to meet her
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  husband. I love that my friend had found
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  herself her true way at such a young age.
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  She just always knew. And I think some people are like
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  that. I've spoken to some people that
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  are like that. My mom is like that.
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  But then there's a lot of us that aren't.
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  We go through the motions, we do what is expected of us, and
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  there's nothing wrong with that. For some, it's the perfect
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  course. For others, well, you find out
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  when you find out if it's right for you or not, Maybe you start
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  to see cracks in your surface. Maybe you start questioning
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  things and little by little you find yourself becoming more
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  curious, more interested in what else is out there or who you
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  used to be before or who you could be now.
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  If only all of that is you becoming aware.
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  Aware of your situation and your choices and all those questions.
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  They turn into wonder. And then you start dreaming
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  again. And then you open up and you
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  become receptive to new thoughts, new perspectives, and
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  you welcome and change and possibilities.
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  And I guess after you've done all that, then you'll find
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  yourself stagnant no more. Thanks for listening.
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  These episodes are unscripted. They're my free flowing thoughts
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  as I reflect back on past conversations, experiences, what
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  I've learned, would like to do better, and what's next.
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  Join me on Thursdays for new episodes and catch up on past
• 12:05
  episodes. Click Follow, Like and subscribe
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  and let's see where this leads.