Latest / The Hypnotist / Harness Resolve For The Inter-Personal Boundaries to Be Resolute

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Harness Resolve For The Inter-Personal Boundaries to Be Resolute · The Hypnotist

• 0:05
  Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
• 0:09
  access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing.
• 0:12
  Genuine. Issues.
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  Brought to you by The Hypnotherapist, Demanded by
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  celebrities, CEOs and even royalty, Adam Cox.
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  These recordings took place live from Adam Smith in London's
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  world famous Harley Street. So get yourself comfortable and
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  enjoy today's episode of The Hypnotist.
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  Hi, it's Adam here. Now I'm going to ask you a
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  question and I really want you to think about it first.
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  Do you tend to avoid conflict? You avoid having difficult
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  conversations? You avoid wanting to let someone
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  down? Or if this is a decision which
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  definitely someone isn't going to like, you just delay making.
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  That decision? If so, I think you're going to
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  get some value from this because it was created this particular
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  hypnosis session. For a client, that was very.
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  Very successful and I would say of all the clients that I've
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  worked with. The personal.
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  Level of focus and determination, probably up there
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  with the highest I've ever worked with, has able been able
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  to accomplish incredible things individually in terms of let's
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  say, health, fitness, business, very, very capable person.
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  And yet interpersonally, their desire to consider other people
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  too much and to avoid conflict actually in certain cases was
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  making things worse because it meant that they were being
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  inconsistent, flip flopping, backtracking, those kind of
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  things weren't really working for them.
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  So there there is a timeline structure to this hypnosis
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  session where they go back to a time where they had what they
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  considered the highest level of personal resolve, where they
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  were doing an Ironman triathlon. Now if you ever heard of this,
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  it's one of the most extreme things that you can do.
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  It's. Swimming, cycling for kilometres
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  and kilometres and then kind of ending, I think it ends with a
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  marathon after you've done all of these things.
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  It's an intense thing. And they knew that they'd
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  prepared and they knew they had the psychological and emotional
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  resolve to do that. So it harnesses that and then
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  says, right, where did they not quite get it right?
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  A memory. Where?
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  Their willingness to avoid conflict, actually.
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  Caused. A bigger problem than if they
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  would have just been resolute right from the start, so they
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  get to. See it as.
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  It was see it as they would want it to be, live it the way they
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  would want it to be with two key things.
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  That feeling of being resolute, having that personal resolve,
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  but also introducing clear boundaries.
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  You can't hold the line if you don't know what the line is.
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  And therefore communication is such an important part of this.
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  But if someone violates something you've clearly
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  communicated, that doesn't necessarily mean malicious
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  intent. It could just be a lack of
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  thinking. It could be habitual.
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  It could be, you know, just kind of a misunderstanding.
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  So giving people chances if something's really important to
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  you and they just violate that, if the intention is kind of good
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  or just like not malicious, that's that's a good reason to
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  do that. But then having clear
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  consequences if something gets violated again and again, it's
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  such an important element of boundary setting because one of
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  my fundamental beliefs is that you get what you tolerate, not
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  what you deserve. And therefore if there's never a
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  consequence, then effectively you have no boundaries, and then
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  the boundaries get reduced and reduced until there's nothing
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  left to. View so.
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  Boundaries are non negotiables. They are not optional.
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  Everyone needs boundaries, but not everyone is going to like or
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  respect your boundaries. And if they don't respect your
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  boundaries, then you get to have consequence.
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  And consequences might be you spend less time with them or you
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  communicate in a different way or whatever it might be.
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  This idea of you cut people out of your life.
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  It's quite an extreme consequence, but it is a
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  consequence. It's on the table.
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  It's an option, even if it's the nuclear option.
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  So it introduces that and then future paces to a situation that
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  hasn't happened yet. But they knew that difficult
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  conversations may be required, but the preparation stage of
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  having communication in these key areas in advance would
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  mitigate and reduce a lot of those potential issues.
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  So I want you to think of something in your life where
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  boundaries are necessary. Difficult conversation either
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  have happened or could happen, and you want to feel absolutely
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  resolute, full of resolve, that you will say what needs to be
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  said. Do what needs to be done, even
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  if it means ruffling a few. Feathers every now and then.
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  So that you have the kind of dynamics that kind of work for
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  you. Now consideration is a two way
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  St. If you're expecting everyone
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  else to abide by your boundaries but you disregard other people's
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  boundaries, that. Doesn't make you.
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  Considerate. That makes you a tyrant.
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  So again. What's good for the goose is
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  good for the gander. If you're expecting other people
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  to respect you, make sure you respect other people as well.
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  Then it's balanced. But if you're.
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  Doing lots of respect, if you're being very considerate and that
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  doesn't go back to you, boundaries are probably very
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  useful. And if you've been avoiding
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  conflict and difficult conversations as a reason not to
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  introduce those boundaries, this session I think is going to be
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  very useful. Now it was created for an an
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  individual client. I would say it's statistically
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  unlikely that you've. Done.
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  An Iron Man, and therefore you can't go back to that memory to
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  harness the time when you had resolve in the highest.
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  Abundance for you. But you will have a different
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  memory. You will have a memory where you
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  were at your highest level of feeling resolute, In which case
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  ignore the feeling the memory of an Iron Man and kind of, let's
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  say swimming and cycling and running and go back to your
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  memory. And if you do like the idea of
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  having a bespoke session working directly with me, look in the
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  description. There's a few things that you
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  can do there to either take a suitability test or watch a
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  webinar about working with me and that will show you exactly
• 6:53
  what to do to make it possible to work with.
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  Me one-on-one rather than just. Listening to recordings, but for
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  now you might get some real value from this session, so find
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  a quiet, comfortable place where you won't be distracted.
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  Or disturbed. Relax.
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  And enjoy the session. Take a deep breath in and as you
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  breathe in, breathe in that resourceful feeling of calm and
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  relaxation. And as you exhale, just allow
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  your eyelids to close. And as they close, just feel
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  that release, a release of any tension, any stress, any
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  worries, slowly, incrementally being released and leaving your
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  body. Every outward breath, that's it.
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  And when you breathe in, breathe in deeper than you normally
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  would. And as you exhale, just allow
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  that outward breath to continue until there's nothing left.
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  Diaphragm empty. Noticing the vacuum you create
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  facilitates the next deeper breath.
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  And the deeper you breathe, the more relaxed you feel.
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  And the more relaxed you feel, the deeper you breathe.
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  As your body relaxes, your imagination awakens.
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  And I want you to imagine floating back in time and
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  seeing, seeing a time of absolute resolve float back to
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  that moment and see you back then.
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  And as a result of all of that preparation, there was
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  unshakable certainty that you had the qualities required to do
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  something challenging. I want you to see that version
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  of you perhaps at the starting line under no illusion as to the
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  size of the challenge, but also under no illusion that your
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  capabilities, your resources exceeded the demand ahead.
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  And I want you to mimic subtle things in that version of you,
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  mimic the facial expression that version of you with pure resolve
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  has. Breathe the way they're
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  breathing. Maybe they're loose and relaxed.
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  Maybe they're prepared and focused and just adjust your
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  body. The game of mimicry.
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  All children played it a few times, and notice that when you
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  start to breathe the way they breathe and feel the way they
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  feel, you could feel more of that resolve starting to awaken
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  within you. And then imagine stepping into
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  that version of you, abundant, steadfast, determined, oozing
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  pure resolve, and imagine the challenge begins.
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  Maybe you can connect without feeling of invigoration.
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  You can recall that in a dialogue, you are aware of all
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  of that preparation paying dividends later, but had you not
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  prepared in the way that you prepared, the challenge would be
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  more challenging. And I want you to think back to
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  that preparation. There were times that you didn't
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  feel like training, but you did anyway.
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  And I want you to connect with an essence, A mantra, or a
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  belief. Fuck your mood.
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  Follow the plan. And while you're in that memory,
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  getting all the benefits of all the preparation because you
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  followed a plan, I want you to notice that it didn't need to be
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  easy for you to hold the line. In fact, the very point that you
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  were doing it is that it wasn't easy.
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  I want you to connect to that essence.
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  Then when it got challenging, that enriched and added to the
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  experience rather than took something away.
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  And maybe it was a wave tightness in a tendon or a
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  muscle. Maybe it was a a bruise or a
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  knock go forwards in time and maybe maybe it was the weather
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  or the wind. Maybe it was fatigue or
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  exhaustion. But I want you to imagine
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  resolve as almost a flame within.
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  But so long as that flame is burning, you will continue.
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  And maybe there were times, but that flame was challenged and
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  you just needed to focus on the very next goal, the next
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  station, the next kilometer. I want you to tap into that
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  ethos and make that flame brighter.
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  Notice the location of where that personal resolve exists
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  within you and hone into the essence of what makes resolve
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  resolve. It's the fact that it's
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  challenged. You don't need resolve when
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  everything is easy. You don't need resolve when
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  there's no tough decisions, no adversity, no problems.
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  That's the point. You only need it when things get
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  tough. Let's make that flame brighter.
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  Notice how you're breathing. Notice the tonality of that
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  inner dialogue when you have that resolve.
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  And then imagine. Imagine you're running now, one
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  step at a time, 1 kilometre at a time.
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  Knowing the what's ahead is not easy, but it becomes easier to
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  focus on the short term that collectively would get you to
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  the long term. And what if this long challenge
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  has always been a metaphor for other challenges in your life, A
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  business, a family? These are not three to five year
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  goals. These are longer goals that can
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  span over decades. And that endurance, that
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  stamina, that long term focus can easily be mapped across to
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  these different longer time horizon goals.
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  And you don't have to be aware of every variable to be
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  prepared, just to know that you have the ability to make
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  decisions and hold the line link to whatever is actually there
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  beyond the finishing line. I want you to imagine.
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  Imagine there is a childhood cinema that you can recall
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  shouldn't be there, but it is. I want you to imagine walking
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  into that cinema with that sense of pride and accomplishment and
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  what you've achieved and starting to see a memory, a
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  memory of a time where you didn't have that same resolve in
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  an interpersonal situation on that big screen in the cinema.
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  I want you to recall a memory where you were inconsistent,
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  flip flopping, back tracking. You couldn't hold the line
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  because you didn't know what the line was.
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  The line kept being redrawn in different places, uncertain for
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  you, uncertain for others. And I want you to watch that
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  memory as if you're a character there on the screen, but see it
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  as it was, not better, not worse as it was.
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  And you can condense time. What may have taken place over
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  weeks or months could take place in minutes.
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  Your brain already knows how to synthesize.
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  The most important? Parts of that memory like a
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  montage. And I want you to observe how
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  that inconsistent version of you made things worse and not
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  better. That even though the intention
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  was good, the consequence made things messy, difficult, perhaps
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  created an emotional rug pool of uncertainty for others.
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  And I want you to extract all of the wisdom from that memory.
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  You're older now, and when you think back to a memory,
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  particularly when you see yourself as someone else, you
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  get that level of objectivity that extracts even more wisdom
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  than you could do living it. And I want you to imagine, when
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  you've seen that memory, think with the benefit of hindsight,
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  what you would do differently if you had that same personal
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  resolve in this interpersonal situation.
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  Things like clarity, a feeling of resoluteness, that
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  determination to hold the line come what may, to rewind it and
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  see the memory starting with a different facial expression.
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  There is a Stoic resolve in this version of you to play the
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  memory forward the way you would do if there was No Fear of
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  conflict, a desire to make the best decision based on real
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  facts. Not wishing it was different,
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  but playing the cards you've been dealt.
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  And I want you to see that expression of being resolute,
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  the mental decisiveness, the inner courage to hold the line.
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  And maybe, maybe with the benefit of hindsight, you could
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  go back even further and maybe there was an opportunity to
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  communicate something that was never communicated before the
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  problem arose. How can someone hold a line,
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  including yourself if you don't know what the line is to see
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  that strong? Confident.
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  Version of you communicating, and not just communicating, but
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  communicating in such a way where the understanding has been
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  verified. And then imagine that even with
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  that communication, certain things aren't working.
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  And I want you to imagine seeing that resolute version of you
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  deciding to give someone a chance or to give someone a
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  consequence. Because sometimes if a rule, an
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  expectation, a boundary is crossed, sometimes it's not
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  malicious, it's just unintentional, habitual, a
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  misunderstanding. But what if that first chance
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  eliminates all of those misunderstandings?
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  You communicate the line. You highlight that the line has
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  been crossed. You can say what consequences
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  you're keen to avoid. And then, at your discretion,
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  you give the chance. But then, if that chance has
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  been received, understood, and yet history repeats, now, any
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  lack of consequence or a consequence that seems uncertain
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  will be perceived as weakness. A country that have laws that
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  aren't enforced becomes lawless. A relationship where agreements
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  are broken loses respect and love quickly.
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  And I want you to imagine seeing that version of you up on that
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  screen, handling that situation when you're clearly
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  communicating and you are resolute in your consequences.
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  And I want you to see that that version of you is not stubborn,
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  not headstrong, but steadfast. And the only circumstances that
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  things would change, as if something has materially
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  changed, that might be a level of accountability, that might be
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  evidence, it might be something else.
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  And even then, I want you to see that version of you that even if
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  facts have changed that nature to believe in people, to hope
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  for the best, that impulse moment is reflected upon,
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  carefully considered. And even if it's agreed, it
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  becomes conditional. Not a flip flop, not a
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  backtrack, but a new agreement, clearly communicated with
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  consequences clearly communicated, stated in if X
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  then Y. There is clarity, but only if
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  after careful consideration, it makes sense to do that.
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  Many people perceive an act of kindness to be an act of
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  weakness. Too much consideration, too much
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  kindness just means respect goes down, not up.
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  And what you've seen that memory the way you would want it to be
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  with these qualities and this way of making a strong decision.
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  When you see yourself holding the line, let me know by nodding
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  your head and then rewind it to the beginning.
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  Step into the screen and then feel what it would feel like
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  from that first person perspective to do things the way
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  you would have wanted to have done if that same level of
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  personal resolve was there in interpersonal situations.
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  Holding onto the rule that if it feels like you're afraid of a
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  conversation, then you must have that conversation.
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  That when you communicate things clearly, you've now communicated
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  the line. If the line gets crossed, that's
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  either a chance or a consequence.
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  An intent is important there. If someone disrespectfully,
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  defiantly crosses the line, clearly communicated, there's no
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  need for a chance because the intent is malicious.
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  If, however, the intention is good but the line gets crossed,
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  it's a wonderful opportunity for a chance.
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  But if the intention is good. And the line continues to be
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  crossed. The consequence is inevitable,
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  not because you're being unfair, but because it simply can't be
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  this way going forward. When people show you who they
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  are, accept it, believe it, knowing that they can also
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  change in the future if they desire.
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  And once you've lived that that memory the way you would want it
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  to be, leave the screen. And then imagine seeing no
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  longer a memory on that screen, but the future.
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  And let's call this future preparation.
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  I want you to imagine the next three to five years as a
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  wonderful opportunity to clearly communicate your wishes, your
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  fears, your hopes and dreams, but your worries, your
• 32:00
  insecurities. And I want you to see see how
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  much lack of surprises there is when that version of you oozing
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  confidence, oozing a sense of resolve and courage, feels
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  liberated to communicate anything and everything that's
• 32:34
  important as part of preparation.
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  So much so that when the time finally comes, there is no
• 32:46
  confusion, no ambiguities, no uncertainty.
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  There is simply clarity. If someone could shrug their
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  shoulders and say but I didn't know, then there was
• 33:09
  insufficient preparation. Either that or it's a lie.
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  I want you to see doing whatever preparation would reduce the
• 33:22
  probability of your biggest fears, future feelings of
• 33:29
  disconnection, future conflict, a lack of inclusiveness or
• 33:41
  consideration. I want you to see that
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  conversations, hypothetical scenarios, they're giving you
• 33:56
  everything you need to lay the foundations to build something
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  strong. And you might find that those
• 34:12
  key elements of inclusiveness, consideration and respect.
• 34:20
  You get to see situations and scenarios in real life that
• 34:30
  don't directly affect your family yet, but you treat them
• 34:37
  like test cases. Could be a niece or a nephew.
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  It could be a different person entirely, and if you observe
• 34:56
  things that would cross the line if they link to your family,
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  then rather than feeling burdened or conflicted, what if
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  that is the ideal opportunity to have the conversation when it's
• 35:17
  less personal, so that the lines are clear way in advance before
• 35:26
  it is personal, I want you to give permission to your future
• 35:36
  self to communicate clearly and to feel empowered to have
• 35:48
  consequences if they're necessary.
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  Not because you want them, but because the fear of any
• 35:59
  consequences increases the probability of the very conflict
• 36:08
  you're keen to avoid. Imagine leaving that cinema with
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  a sense of you are primed to harness resolve in any
• 36:22
  interpersonal situations and allow yourself to float back to
• 36:27
  the present. Taking a deep breath in through
• 36:31
  your nose and out through your nose.
• 36:35
  Wiggle your fingers, wiggle your toes as I count from 1:00 to
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  10:00 to awaken you. 123 Waking up. 456 More alert. 7-8 Open
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  your eyes, Open your eyes. 910 Wide awake, wide awake, wide
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  awake. Thank.
• 37:06
  You so much for joining me on today's episode of the
• 37:09
  hypnotist. If you've enjoyed this episode
• 37:12
  or got some value from it, please give it a five star
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  rating and. Review.
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  And maybe, you know someone that would also benefit from this
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  particular episode, in which case share the episode with them
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  so they can also get the benefit too.
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  And if you would like to listen to this episode where it's just
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  the hypnosis. So no.
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  Intro No outro. No explanation, just the
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  hypnosis and completely ad free. There will be a link in the
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  description where you can subscribe at a very low cost and
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  only get access to the hypnosis. So if that's of interest please
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  check that out. Thank you again for being.
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  A regular. Listener of the Hypnotist and
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  I'll see you again soon for more.