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The myth of the COMEBACK: how to move forward after an identity shift · Powerful Stuff

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: My mocktail.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: It is the sunset hour.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: My husband is putting our baby to sleep.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I wanted to talk to you about something very sneaky, very important that we all deal with.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: That is right.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: It is the myth, the myth of the comeback.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: We all go through that identity shift at some point in time.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: And we are like, you know what?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to hit my rock bottom, but I'm going to come back even stronger, even greater, even more powerful.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that might be true.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: We don't get there by, you know, white-knuckling our way there.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: No, how we get there is actually much more sneaky.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: And in this video, you're going to learn about the myth of the comeback, but actually how it's not a comeback, but rather a spring forward.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: So if you've gone through an identity shift like me, obviously this is top of mind for me because I am nine months postpartum.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I had these grand plans for I'm going to pause everything before my baby.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then when I'm with him and maternal love and the maternal instinct is flowing, I'm going to just be getting cosmic downloads about how I'm going to return to work even better and even greater.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, while being a mom opened my heart up in ways that I could not imagine that I would not trade for the world, um, did my work experience that kind of wow, platform shattering comeback?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna lie to you guys, it did not.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: It did not.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: I had some very humbling experiences in my reentry before my baby, I was facilitating left and right, filling up rooms, doing 12 cohorts, my group coaching program.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: And when I came back, I had paused everything.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: So like I didn't have a group coaching program to launch.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: I had some funny things where, you know, I had my own experience company and I put myself out there for an opportunity that I thought would be fun.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I bamboozled myself, and like the person basically was like, you know what?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: We'll contact you.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it was like, whoa, I haven't auditioned for something in like so long.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: And here I am getting a lukewarm response when I usually, you know, create these sold-out rooms, and it was so humbling, thinking like I was gonna have this grand re-entrance.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: And then it was like, And of course, like giving myself grace, I'm giving myself credit.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it takes a lot to birth a human, to raise them, to bring your own energy levels back to it, any sort of baseline.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: But the point is, I was so hard on myself that not only did those things not happen, but I was judging myself for it, right?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Which is funny because I'm a leadership coach and I always teach people about self-compassion, and that is the key to our growth, right?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Being kind to ourselves like we would an inner child.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: And guys, I had to be my own client zero again.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: I had to take my own god damn advice.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not easy swallowing the pill of your medicine, especially when you raw dog it, you know, you do it without that cold almond milk and it gets caught in your throat, and then you cough up the pill and you're like, oh my god, this tastes horrible.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, all of that's to say, guys, I had to sit down and have a little moment with myself.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I had to say, there is no coming back, there's only stepping forward.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: Where do we go from here?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't until I took an honest look at what I actually had energy for chasing around a now nine-month-old, right?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: But if even before it was like, you know, it took a lot more energy than I expected with him.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: It felt like my brain was mush from postpartum and breastfeeding, which I didn't account for, the brain fog.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just kind of like rebuilding my identity and matrescence and perhaps wanted to rush back into some semblance of my like professional identity before I was ready, right?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was like the caterpillar, if you will, trying to become a butterfly while it was still soupy and it was like, whoa, jello, out of sorts.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: So you might be asking yourself, Meredith, where do we go from here?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Or Meredith, I'm not postpartum.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: Doesn't matter what any whatever identity shift that you are going through, right?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Or that you have these grandiose plans of coming back, I'm not saying don't set your goals.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying don't do your vision board, but I'm just saying let us take an honest look at where we are.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because when we take an honest look at where we are, when we accept what is, we are no longer what fighting reality.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then we can actually make an empowered choice of what we do next.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I see this all the time with the high achievers that I coach.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, they expect more of themselves, even if they are doing great, or if they take a pause, it's so hard not to have some sort of productivity to account for, you know, their pause, or if they go on vacation, they must relation or relaxation max, you know.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: And it's actually like in the pause, the pregnant pause, if you will, which is the name of my comedy special on YouTube.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but in the pause, we can actually allow for what is, what is blossoming, what is growing, and where am I deciding to go from here?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so what do we do about it?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, sorry guys, all the adapta gens are getting to me.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: This is not sponsored by Hayo, but I do love the founders of this drink.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: I love this drink, and I love a cheeky mocktail to get the juices flowing.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: So, all of that's to say, step one is acceptance, right?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Accept where you are right now.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: Stop fighting reality.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Acceptance does not mean giving up.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, acceptance is the first step toward change.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: Acceptance is the most courageous thing you can do to actually step into the life you want.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I had to do this with myself.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I accept that I don't have as much energy as I thought.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: This is what I call an acceptance rampage.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: So you just, you know, set a timer for five minutes and you go at it.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: So mine was like, I accept that I don't have as much energy as I thought.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: I accept that my brain feels like mush.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: I accept that I want to spend a lot of time with my son.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: I accept that I paused my group coaching program.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: I accept that, you know, some that might have meant some clients forget about or not forget about me, but just like, I'm not top of mind.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: My program's not top of mind.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: I accept that I auditioned for this thing.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: I accept it didn't feel good.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: I accept that I want to, you know, go where feels good.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: I accept that I want to create what feels right.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I accept that, you know, that did feel annoying.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: I accept that I feel frustrated.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: I accept that I thought I would be further this year than I am in some ways.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I accept that I'm also like enjoying this time with my son.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: I accept that uh things are moving at their own pace, right?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: So write all your acceptances until you cannot accept anything more.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, I accept to the nth degree to infinity and beyond.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: Once you're just overtaken by this acceptance, you let acceptance have its way with you.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: Then we can say, okay, we've done an audit.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: Where do we go from here?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: And it's almost like the acceptance is like if you're getting a makeover, if your house is getting remodeled, we have to accept all the stuff that's already there, the walls that need to be torn down, the floorboards that need to be ripped up before we just bring in the new floorboards, right?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because some stuff is staying, some stuff is going.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know why we have so much resistance to it in our own life.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's a lot of grief that comes with like acceptance, but through the grief is the movement, right?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: That is the ripping up of the floorboard.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: So we can lay the new foundation.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: So once we accept, gosh, you look so light and radiant after having done all that acceptance.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: Good on you.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: Then we can make a choice, right?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like I accept that I don't have a lot of energy because of my son, like, you know, son, postpartum, whatever.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I choose to use the energy I do have focusing on this one thing.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: I accept that it didn't feel good to put myself out there for this thing in this environment with these people that didn't feel the right, like the right fit.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: My choice is to go where it does feel really good and where I do want to create.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: And after that thing, by the way, with doing that exercise with the choice, I was inspired to reach out to the founder of Shafa Yoga, where I used to teach, and gave her this idea for this experience I wanted to do monthly, which is like combining coaching, breath work, uh yoga called powerful stuff, which is the name of my podcast, of course.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: And she was like, Yeah, let's fucking do it.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: And it was just so easy and easeful.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: And people have started coming each month, like both friends, old and new.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it was just such a reminder, like, go where feels good.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm proud of myself for putting myself in that uncomfortable situation, for realizing that, right?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing is for not.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: It was a helpful redirection.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's never rejection, it's a say it with me redirection.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so then once you do each acceptance, you go line by line with what is my choice.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I accept this.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: What is my choice from here?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because if we can radically accept where we are, then we get to radically create where we go next.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: And that is the power.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then the last and final step is when you kind of think to the future, right?
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: On the other side of this identity shift.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: And you think about the life that you're living, the kind of things you're doing, really like close your eyes and envision like what is the feeling behind what I'm doing?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: How do I feel in this vision?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Not just like, I came back and I showed everyone wah ha ha ha ha, right?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because that vengeance or whatever is fleeting.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's a quick dopamine hit.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna go away.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do you actually want to feel in this new shift on the other side of that identity?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because that is the most telling thing.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: And then we can, you know, I'm probably like, if my clients had a dime for every time we said reverse engineer, but every time, then, sorry, then we reverse engineer that feeling from that future vision.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: How can you cultivate more of that feeling right now?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: How can you prioritize that feeling right now?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: So if I want to feel like focused in flow state, like empowered in that version where I'm not coming back, but stepping forward, how could I feel that right now?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: What are the things that get me in flow state?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: Facilitating um, doing long form content, which I'm doing right now.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you guys for inspiring me.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: And um then you can start to amplify that now because then you're you're focusing on your being, and then you do from that place, and then you end up having the spring forward, if you will, the the step forward, the come back.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that is powerful stuff.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so let's do a quick meditation.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to close your eyes and just kind of horse lips it out, all of that frustration from silly, silly old us, bless our heart.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: From all the weight, the pressure, the expectation of that old comeback that we put on ourselves, that comeback pressure, just blow it away, shake it off, shake it off, shake it off, shake it off.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Just giving that version of ourselves so much love.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: They wanted us to, you know, feel proud of ourselves.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: We get it.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: They were a little misguided in putting all that pressure on us for it, but we forgive them, and now we come back to what's true.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: And as you breathe in, just breathing in that I accept with each inhale and each exhale, saying something that you accept.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I accept my energy levels, I accept this thing happened.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: Just taking a few breaths for the biggest acceptances, and each acceptance, feeling it loosen its grip over you, until you feel like your body is softer, you can breathe more out of your lungs, everything feels expanded.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: And from this place of acceptance.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: Then as you tap into that space, asking that space, what is my choice from here?
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: If I accept that these things, the hard truth, the good, the bad, the ugly are true.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: What is my choice?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Full sovereignty.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: What is the perfect next step when I take an honest look at this acceptance?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Trusting whatever pain comes through.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then as you think about that choice, starting to feel the truth of it like certainty, well up in your navel, to your heart, to the crown of your head, to your root, your whole body is tingling with this certainty.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Where to go next?
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: And as you vision yourself on the other side of this identity shift, not visioning some grandiose comeback, but just how you feel in your body, confident, easeful, more you than you've ever been, through allowance, also through self-compassion, through not being hard on yourself, through just loving yourself through all the highs and lows.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: And as you feel into that, starting to feel it into you right now, bringing that future feeling back into the present, breathing in that ease, that sense of self, that assuredness into your toes, breathing it into your knees, your hips, your navel, your heart, your third eye, the crown of your head.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: Until you feel that that connection to that you on the other side of this identity shift.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: And it's almost like you're giving yourself a meta hug right now from that future self, telling you that you've got this.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: It might be uncomfortable, it might be unknown, but we're in it together.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm proud of you for leaning in.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing to prove.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just proud.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: Just proud of you for being in it and feeling it off.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: Giving yourself that assurance as you take another breath in.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then exhale, letting it go.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: As you softly open your eyes, coming back into the space, skies.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you are glowing.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: I know I said it before, but wow, acceptance and choice look great on you.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: And just remember, I'm remembering this too.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's a journey.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: We forget, we remember, we forget, we remember.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we're here for.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: I want to hear what is your step forward, not your comeback, but your step forward on the other side of your identity shift.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, the most magnetic thing that you can do is not put more pressure on yourself and more goals to prove, prove, prove, prove, prove.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's not going to make you feel good.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: And if you think about it with other people when like people are bragging about their goals or whatever, does that make you feel good?
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: Who do you like to be around?
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: The people who are magnetic, they feel easeful in themselves.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: They feel kind to themselves.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: They don't need you to like them.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: They don't need to prove anything.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: So remembering that for yourself too.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: The more you can give yourself that kindness, that ease that I don't need to prove.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just here for myself, loving myself hard through this transition, like we would a child, right?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like I love my son through his transitions.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: Can I give myself that same grace and that same levity, that same playfulness?
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because identity shifts are hard.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: So let's not make them harder on ourselves.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: Let's open our mocktail.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: Let's take a few breaths.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: Let's shake it out as Taylor Swift would.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: And let's trust in our becoming.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you guys.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: I will see you next week for more powerful stuff.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know if you guys can see it, but the moon is mooning up there.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's protecting us and bathing us in the moonlight.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: So wow, we're amplifying everything.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: See you soon.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: Hey you.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for coming on this powerful journey with me.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it was as powerful for you as it was for me.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: And if it was, it would mean the world to me if you rate, review, and subscribe to Powerful Stuff so I can keep bringing you the goods.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: We can keep going on this transformative journey together.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if there's powerful stuff that you want to share with me, with the powerful stuff community, tag us on Instagram at that's powerful stuff or the Meredith Baker.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I look forward to seeing you next week for more powerful stuff.