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SEASON 7 | LIGHTNESS OF BEING · SECOND CLOCK™

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What's your true nature? Your essence?
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What makes you tick? This journey to find out is what
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I refer to as your second clock. It's a chance to discover,
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experience, challenge, and reconnect with what you value
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most. Through clarity, love,
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acceptance and reflection, you'll find your answers.
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And what happens when you do? Well, You'll find you.
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Join me. Click follow, like and subscribe
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and let's see where this leads. When I was in my early 20s, I
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read a book called The Unbearable Lightness of Being by
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Milan Candera. What really stuck with me was
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half of the title, The Lightness of Being.
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I didn't really understand what that would feel like to feel
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light in myself. That may sound a little bit out
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there, but stay with me. For so long, I was used to
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people that had this heavy presence where you'd walk in a
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room and you would feel the judgement.
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You would know that they would have criticism for you.
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They would be pointing out flaws.
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Or the conversations were filled with complaints about situations
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that couldn't change or people that weren't going to change.
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And then the countless hours of giving advice to people that
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weren't taking it, but we're still asking.
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We're talking negatively about everyone and everything.
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That's what I consider a heavy presence to the idea of a light
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presence. Well, that was attractive and
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foreign. When I moved to Los Angeles,
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things pretty much stayed the same because I stayed the same.
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And then a few years ago, I started to see things
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differently. My life started to be different,
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and that's when I started to meet different people that
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carried different energy. First it was with a friend.
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Her presence was always so light, so easy to be around.
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I never felt like she was judging me, or when I'd walk
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away, she'd have things to say. She never had notes for me,
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notes on things that I could change.
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She never wanted to have deep conversations.
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She never felt like for our friendship to be sound and
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strong, it needed to be intense and a little overwhelming.
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Instead, conversations stayed light, things flowed, we
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laughed, everything was just easy.
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I would leave those conversations and never think
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more about them. Never ruminate about what was
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said, what was left unsaid, what I shouldn't have said.
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Instead, I would just be in the moment, and when the moment was
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over, I would leave and leave everything behind, except for of
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course, the feeling of comfort, of things not getting heavy.
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And I started to adjust to that and I started to like it.
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Then I started meeting more people and I started recognizing
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when people's energies was overwhelming and heavy and kind
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of like a vampire where I felt like my life was being sucked
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out of me every time I was with them and every time I left them,
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I felt like I could breathe again.
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And then I would come upon the people that were easy breezy and
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there was an effortlessness about them and ease in their
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presence. And that's what I realized I
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wanted more of. So I look to myself, what type
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of presents did I bring? I think I brought a weighted
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presents. So could that be changed, or are
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some people just that way? Or is it so ingrained in US?
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And then I thought back to my friend with the easy breezy
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personality, the one whose conversations never took a turn,
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never got too heavy, stayed somewhat surface, but sometimes
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dipped a little underneath. And that's how I started.
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I started to shed my ideas of what conversations should be
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like, what a friendship ladder should look like, the
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trajectory. And I started to realize that
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what used to work for me maybe never worked.
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And that's something that people don't generally think about is
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what I'm doing working for me. That's what we don't stop and
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ask ourselves. Is the situation I'm in the one
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that I would like to stay in or something?
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I wish I could change because nothing changes if everything
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stays the same. That may seem incredibly
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obvious, but I would say that a lot of people, they stay in the
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same situation, wishing for things to be different but never
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making steps to make things different.
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When I think about what lightness a being would feel
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like, well, I guess it feels relaxed and comfortable, which
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is very foreign from what I'm used to.
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I wonder now if my perfectionist ways got in the way of things
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being effortless. And so, yeah, that's something
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that I wanted to change, something that was important
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enough for me to actually take steps to change.
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And when I thought more about the steps to get there, it came
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down to perspective and communication, how we see
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situations. They matter.
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They influence how we move through life.
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If we see things positively or as they are, that'll influence
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the way we communicate. It also influences the patients
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we bring to situations and the patients we bring to others.
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If we see situations negatively or wishing we could always
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change things, that'll influence things too.
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And it'll also make things heavier for others because
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inevitably we'll be passing that on to them.
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So I think having an understanding perspective and
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communicating with patients defines it.
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This reminds me of a conversation I had with my son
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recently. I can't even recall what we were
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talking about, but I remember the impact it had on me.
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Afterwards. My son was asking me a question
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and I asked him one back. He didn't have the answer.
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So I said why don't you check? Check on your phone.
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He started to and within seconds I was like, so what's the
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answer? And he said, I'm looking and I
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go, what's taking so long? Everything I thought I was
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saying I thought was normal, in line with the task.
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And I couldn't understand why it was taking so long.
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And then my son stopped and he said, mom, why are you rushing
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me? And I said, what do you mean?
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I just don't know why this is taking so long.
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And he said, I'm not a slow person.
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I don't take longer than things need to take.
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But yet you want this to go faster than I can do it.
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And I don't really know what's the rush.
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We're just sitting here. Not everything has to be done so
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fast. I sat there, I didn't have much
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to say. I didn't have a rebuttal.
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And quite truthfully, I didn't have an answer as to why I
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needed things to go so quickly. But I did realize that I was
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creating this heaviness, this complication where there didn't
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need to be one. What he said really sat with me.
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I kept thinking, why do I ask this of him?
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And then I realized, well, it's because I asked that of myself.
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We put these arbitrary rules on how we should be, and then we
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project them onto others. These are unspoken rules, rules
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that we make up over time or are conditioned to adhere to.
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And then we ask the same of others.
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But we don't tell them the rules.
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And we don't tell them why. Partly because we most likely
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don't stop ourselves and ask why it is that we do this in the 1st
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place or even know that we're doing this, let alone wanting
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other people to act the same. Why things need to be done so
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fast. In my case, the reality is
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nothing I was asking needed to be done quickly.
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I think I was just impatient. I think I'm just used to doing
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everything so expeditiously, or at least I think I am.
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And so I expect everybody around me to keep pace or even exceed
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my pace. And with my son, I was putting
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pressure on him and he didn't care for it and he didn't give
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in. He was keeping things light,
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whereas I was making things heavy.
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We create heaviness in situations that can stay light
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if the approach is just a little different.
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I was so grateful for that conversation with my son because
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he's right. He's not very slow when it comes
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to tasks, and that pressure I was putting on him was
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completely unnecessary. And when I turned it back on
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myself, I realized the pressure I've put on myself to do things
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quickly has also been completely unnecessary.
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So I wonder, what have you done in your life lately that's added
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to the heaviness of your being? For some, they're weighed down
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by judgement. They complain about things that
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they cannot change, things that they're not willing to change,
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or things that they're not willing to accept.
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I've been one of those people until I took steps to not be one
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of those people. I found that by being around
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people like that, things never were easy, things were never
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resolved. Problems just kept arising and
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the heaviness stayed very present.
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So by accepting what was or changing what I could, it
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resolved those issues, at least for me.
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Then when it came to other things that could weigh a
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situation down, like gossip and judgement, I watched how other
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people reacted. This time, I watched
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differently. I used to be in the mix, caught
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up in the moment or the conversation or all of it.
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And then I started to take a backseat, observe more, see
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people's facial expressions when somebody would pass judgement on
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somebody else, or somebody would gossip about somebody that
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wasn't there to defend themselves.
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And I saw something. I saw the heaviness.
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I saw the other person burdened by that conversation and feeling
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like they were part of it when maybe they didn't ask to be.
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And I realized that I didn't need to be part of it either,
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that I could take myself out. And by doing so again, I shed
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some of that weight from those conversations.
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And the lightness came back in. And with every time there was a
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shedding of some of those heavy conversations, the conversations
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would be comfortable and fun and light.
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Before this perspective shift, I used to think that conversations
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had to be one way. Maybe that's how things were
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modeled to me and I just never thought about it, never thought
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about another way. And that was that there had to
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be a point. There had to be a depth to the
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conversation, a reason to stay in it, some message to convey or
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to learn. And by adding that into the
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conversational equation, I inadvertently created that
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heaviness. And now, after realizing it, I'm
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releasing that, releasing that belief and that perspective.
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And that means the style of communication is changing too.
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Through this shift came the lightness of being, and it comes
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and it goes. So if you wanted to wanted to
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have things be lighter in your life, what could you shed and
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where could you start? Thanks for listening.
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These episodes are unscripted. They're my free flowing thoughts
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as I reflect back on past conversations, experiences, what
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I've learned, would like to do better, and what's next.
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Join me on Thursdays for new episodes and catch up on past
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episodes. Click Follow, Like and subscribe
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and let's see where this leads.