Latest / To All the Men I've Tolerated Before / Building Your Childfree Community

Transcript

Building Your Childfree Community · To All the Men I've Tolerated Before

• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Hey, tolerators, Thissen is to all the men I've tolerated before.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: With family Katona, your weekly look at everyday misogyny. Today,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: we are welcoming Angela to the team. Angela is a speaker, writer, educator,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: and host of the podcast The Empowered Millennials, where you
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: will hear real stories of badasses that will motivate, inspire,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: and encourage you to take control of your life. You
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: might also recognize her from TikTok as the Angela gentile
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: creating spaces and communities for single and child free people,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: and that will be our focus today. Thanks for being here, Angela.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me. It's so funny
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: when you hear like things thread back to you, like,
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: I truly do not believe or consider myself to be
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: any type of influencer of any kind. So when you're
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: like you recognize it from TikTok. People come up to
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: me on the street sometimes and I'm like, I'm just A.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I don't know, Like, I'm just me. It's cool, It's amazing.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: No, I like, I get it. Uh. One time at
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: a friend's rugby game, I she mentioned my podcast and
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: her rugby teammate. When I listened to that podcast, I
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, a fan in the wild, Like.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Let me sign an autograph.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Don't even worry about it.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: It's fucking great. And I'm so excited to have this
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: any kind of conversation, even just for a few minutes,
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: where we get to talk about can I swear.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Always we tolerate misogyny on this podcast? So like, what
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: the fuck is happening in our world? And like I
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: just yeah, I face it every day just by simply
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: existing on the internet as a single, child free woman,
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: and the amount of shit I have to feeld is crazy.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: So I'm excited just to chat today.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: I am excited to chat too. Do you want to
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: give a little bit more background information about how you
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: became a woman who was talking about being single and
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: child free on the internet.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's just yeah, it's just my life. It's
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: just my life. Like I just happened to be forty three.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: O look in thirty three? Oh your world? Right, hey, girl?
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Just existing? And I think as you as I'm getting older, right,
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: like I'm heading into my mid forties now, like I'm
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: in peri menopause. This is not for the week by
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: the way, and it just becomes so much more isolating,
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: you know, because your friends really have like deviated at
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: the at the crossroads, and you know, I was just
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: I I was actually the video that I went viral
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: with was after getting off the phone with my therapist.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: I had like a zoom session with my therapist and
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: I fucking yelled at her and she was just trying
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: to give me some like toxic positivity and I was like,
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: I just need to be angry, and I would like like,
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I'm I don't. This is fucked up. Living in this
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: capitalistic healthcape nightmare by yourself is fucked up and it's
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: really hard. And I immediately like pressed and went back
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: into zoom and pressed like record, and I was like, nah,
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna talk about this. And it was literally my
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: experience being alone and having to do all of the
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: life like financial things that a lot of people get
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: to share by myself, and I know they don't. There's
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: different complications that come with kids and partnerships and all
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: of that. I'm just like the thing that was shocking
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: to me, and I was like, I would actually be
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: saving money living with somebody in a two bedroom apartment
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: than me living by myself in a one apartment, I
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: would probably be saving one thousand dollars a month just
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: for me, and then my partner would be saving one
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: thousand dollars a month for him. And that's two thousand
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: fucking dollars a month that you can put towards a
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: vacation or you're four oh one k and I'm just
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: like out here raw dogging it by myself. And that
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: was the That was the video where people are like,
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: I feel so seen, I feel so seen, and I
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: was like, yeah, it's just because you're not alone. This
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: is the experience that often gets overlooked.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: And for me, my clear example of what it is
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: to trying to be functioning as a single person in
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: capitalism in America is going to the grocery store and
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: being like, I don't need rice for eighteen people. This
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: rice will last me for four years. It will go bad. Yeah,
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: And I just text my friends like once a month,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: like I just wish I could start a broke pitch
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: store where if you really had a craving for a
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: snack pack, you just really need some chocolate pudding, but
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: you don't need all six you just want the one
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: I got you it's seventy five cents.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Listen, I think, where is this store? I'll pull up
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: right now with just like a little pudding snack and
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: like one banana. Yeah it's all I need' that's all
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: I need. I don't need fourteen pounds of chicken. What
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: the fuck am I doing with all this?
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: No?
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: You know? And then my freezer looks like it it
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: definitely belongs to Jeffrey Dahmer because it's there's just packed
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: full of stuff because I'm like, I can't I can't
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: eat all. Yeah, it's hard.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: I am a crackpot queen, and I when people have babies,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: I like make tordellini or whatever, and then I always
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: save something for myself. And then one day I was like,
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna make the whole thing of tordellini for me.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: It will last so long. No, it won't. Pasta MUSHes
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: the more you keep it just around, and I day four,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I'm like, this is disgusting, and my brother in law
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: was like, yeah, the pasta is breaking down. It's just
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: sitting in liquid all day. And I'm like, oh yeah great.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh okay, smarty pants. I spent fifteen
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: dollars to make this last a week.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like, okay, now I have to freeze it.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: This is what I'm saying. Because what I'm saying, I
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: need like an extra cooler just for like my food
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: prep because it goes back. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's hard.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: It's hard having to navigate this on like one income
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: when and just one person when everything is set up
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: for partnership, like I have it over here. I went
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: to the doctor not too long ago, where the fuck
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: is it? And they were like, here's your healthcare proxy form.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: You should fill this out. And I was just like,
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: who do I Who is it? Who the fuck is it?
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Who do I even ask? You know? And it was
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: this perceived assumption that I had husband or somebody to
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: just like jack off this this form and fill it
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: out and then I would just submit it back. And
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: I was like, I gotta take it home, and I
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: think I have to ask somebody if they're cool taking
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: me off life support, Like this is probably a conversation
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I should have with a friend, you know. Yeah, you
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: do this all by like you do this by yourself
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: in a world that is designed to cater to two people.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I also when that because you have to have like
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: an emergency contact no matter what you're doing. If you're
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: signing up for Netflix, they need to know do you
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: have an emergency contact? Should your algorithm get weird? And
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: I used to I used to live four hours away
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: from both where my mom was living in Illinois, and
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: then from my sister and dad and where we currently
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: live in Indiana, and I lived away from them for twelve years.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: Four years just or twelve years. Every emergency contact just
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: me going, I don't know, and then I just go
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: somewhere the next day, hang out with friends, go to
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: work or whatever, and prank people and tell them I
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: put you down. I put you down because I didn't
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: have anybody and you were the last person who texted me,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: so it was the easiest to look up your phone number.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: And if they were like yeah, then I was like, okay,
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: you're my emergency contact.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Actually this is that's a brilliant idea. Everybody take notes
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: on that one.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, just gaslight your friends into being your emergency contact.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: I had one friend who was older than me.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: He was.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: A couple of decades older than me. He was like
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: an actual working teacher and I was a new teacher
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: and he went I should probably have your like mom
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: and dad's contact in pot two, like so that should
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: you need help, like someone can get a hold of them.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: I was like, what is this?
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: What is some? Is this somebody looking out for me? Like,
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: I don't I don't understand.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Number one, I'm an eldest daughter and a Capricorn. I
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: don't know how to receive this.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: I got I got it, I just got it. I'll
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: do it.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I just assumed I would crawl home after a surgery
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: or take an uber.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: I have walked to and from the I live in Boston,
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: so I have walked to and from the hospital by myself.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: I was having an ovarian torsion, which means like h
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: on your ovary is like rotating around the fucking fallopian too.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: It was the worst pain in my life, and I
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: was like, I ain't paying for I'm not paying for
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: a ambulance. So I literally like walked like I had
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: a shit in my pants for at least it was
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: probably about three quarters of a mile to the to
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: the hospital. But I did it. I don't know if
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: that's a badge of honor or just again reiterating that
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: you do things alone and death right.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: And then I was never one of these girls who
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: could run the game where they could get randomn on
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Tinder to send them groceries and or pizza. Could never
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know how to do that. I don't know
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: how to do that. I'm not charming enough, and I
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: don't like men enough, so like I can't I can't
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: butter them up. I'm like, I don't like you all
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: of your interests up. But you know, every once in
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: a while, i'd be in the unfortunate circumstance of being
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: in a in a situation with a man and I
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: would have the flu, and I'd be like, I don't know.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: I just really think that I need like a smoothie,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: but I can't, like because I haven't been eating. But
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: I can't like drive to the Jamba Juice because my
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: head's spinning and I'm like a biohazard. And he'd be like,
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: he'd be like, yeah, that's gonna be like thirty five
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: dollars for you to door dash that's smoothie to your.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: House, And I'd like so much for picking up what
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: I was putting down there.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: I was like, you've been inside me, please.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: See, And this is why I don't I don't want to.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: I don't want to. I don't do you have like
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: a series of questions you want to ask? Or can
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: I just go rogue on this?
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I mean, we can just go rogue. We're hitting my
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: outline just naturally because we're talking about money and resources
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: and how families and all of it.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. I had this conversation with one of my
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: dear friends and mentors, and she's about twelve years older
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: than I am, okay, and I just she does have
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: kids who are in their thirties right, so she had
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: kids very young, and she is in a very different
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: place in her life at fifty six years old. Who's
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: been just like, I want to be single. I'm moving
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: to Florida. I want to be around active people like
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: she's amazing. And I was talking to her last night
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: and I was like, you know, I just I don't
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: want to date for variety of reasons. But I don't
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: want to date because I don't want to care take
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: in a way that compensates for someone else's lack of
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: own self care. I don't want to do emotional caretaking
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: because you are forty five years old plus and have
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: never gone to fucking therapy. I don't want a caretake
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: for a man with high cholesterol and won't get his
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: shit together and his diet together and his life together.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: And then I got to take care of you through
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: midlife and beyond. You know what she calls that. You
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: know what, there's a term for this. Friends. As you're
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: dating men who are older and they're fucking falling apart
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: as they age and they're getting into relationships at like
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: because they need like nurses, it's called a hospice wife. What.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be a hospice wife. I know,
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be property of any kind, but
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be a hospice wife where my
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: job is to change your diapers.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: No, No, I know. I know. Men get into second
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: marriages because they're worried about who's going to do their laundry.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, because your first wife, your
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: first wife had enough doing emotional labor, telling you to
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: put your socks in the fucking hamper, and like where
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: little Timmy's baseball game was, and what field you actually
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: had to go. She was tired of drawing you maps
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: for that. She was tired, so she left you, and
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: you still didn't take care of yourself, and you still
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: didn't get it together, and you still didn't go and
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: do the work to become a better functional man that
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: is actually appealing to women. What you have done now
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: at forty five plus years old is like still act
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: like a thirteen year old boy who wants a mom,
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: all set, all set, hard pass.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but everyone tells us those are just ben you
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: have to you have to want them. And I was like,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: good news for me. I'm also attracted to women, so
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I don't I can turn off the part that wants them.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: I'm like, so you know, look, I don't ever want
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: to say anything that would be harmful to the queer community.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: I love my queer community. I am like, you know
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: how people are like, oh I wake up, and I'm like,
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: I knew that I was gay and I tried to
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: not be. I would welcome that at this point in
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: my life, Like I really am so painfully straight that
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: like I was like, this is it, this is the option, y'all.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: You know, yeah, it's it's it's unfortunate. And I just
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: think when people are like you have to settle for that,
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Like you should just be happy that a man picked you.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: And I think podcasts like this, women like us have
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: really decided that there are so many other things in
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: life that you can be worried about that you can
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: focus your attention on, and energy on, and time and
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: money and effort, and it's not being chosen. I don't
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: give a fuck. I've never been attractive to men. I
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: am too much, too intense, too loud, too negative to
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: fill in the fucking blank. Okay, so I can't worry
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: about that bending myself and contorting myself into spaces to
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: be desirable. I don't care.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I don't care. I truly like. It got to the
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: point where I did kind of just like have an
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: AHA moment on a hot mic where I was like,
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: I think God and my dad made me feel bad
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: if I thought I was gay, So I thought I
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: stopped thinking about dating women, like I stopped watching zena
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Warrior Princess.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: And then I just lived my life as a straight
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: woman because of heteronormativity, and everything was and to be fair,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: everyone affirmed that they were like, you were doing the
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: right thing, letting that man emotionally abuse you and then
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: tell you it was okay. He was doing that because
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: he bought you skittles like you are. That's what's supposed
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: to happen.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: I just like got like I started sweating when you
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: said that, like, tolerate this emotional abuse because he didn't
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: mean it.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: You mean it. They don't know.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: They don't know. Oh he likes you. He just beat
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: the shit out of you. He just he was so
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: he was so intense, he was so you know, passionate
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: whatever whatever it is. Yeah, and we're just taught to
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: digest that and give men free passes. And I think
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: we're the generation I'm assuming we're roughly around the same age, yeah,
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: millennial ish where we're we're breaking through that. Like, I
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: think a lot of us have watched, not all of us,
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: but I think a lot of us have watched and
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: had some discernment. We might not have known that that's
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: what we were doing at the time. I don't think
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: fourteen year old me understood what discernment was. But I
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: was like, I don't know about that.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: Watching all these women in my life be fucking miserable,
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: Like why why would I want that? And I just
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: think it was naturally not my personality to be submissive.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: And the times when I have been in relationships. I've
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: gotten myself into relationships where I was suffocated and controlled
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: to the point where like I had to be submissive,
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: and it was the most dishonoring, unhealthy, toxic thing I've
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: ever done for myself, you know.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: And it is hard because you, like, I don't know,
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: you just start feeling like a renegade in your own
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: family where it's like, I'm not unique, I'm not I'm
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: literally just living and not thriving because that's not what
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: we're doing in late stage capitalism. We're not doing that.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: But I and I think what resonates with your content
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: is that you will actually say what it is. And
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: it's like people treat you like you're selfish by just
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: like living a life that you chose or a life
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: that's just kind of being your natural path, and it's like,
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I just wake up single and child
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: free every day and I don't feel that selfish about it.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: No, I think anytime you're making a choice, I mean, well,
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: first of all, thank you for saying that. I'm glad
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: my content is resonating because I really am just expressing
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: what my life experience is and reflecting it outward because
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: I know that we're not alone in all of this,
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: you know, But I don't. I just got interviewed from
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: a major news outlet and they're like, what was your
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: decision to have kids? And I was like, what kind
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: of fucking question is that? Why did you have kids?
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: Like we never asked that, Like why do you think
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: the inverse of asking me that is a valid question?
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: Or why do you think you're fucking entitled to the answer?
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: That was literally my response. But I don't think it's
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: selfish when you choose what works for you. We could
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: say people who are having kids are selfish because what
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: is the planet right now? Like what are you doing?
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Why are you continuing to do this shit? You could
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: say that anything is selfish if it doesn't align with
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: what you want and how you see the world. But like,
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: in reality, I don't have control, nor do I care
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: what you do. Just don't like hurt people and harm them,
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: be a good person.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: You know, And I think, what the I don't know
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: if I'm sure you got not into the Chapel Roam discourse,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: but I'm sure you've viewed the Chapel Roam discourse. I'm
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: sure our algorithms align like that, And I think the
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: thing of it is is like, well, here's the thing.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: It is really hard being single and child free sometimes,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: but I can at least force myself into pockets of
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: peace because I only have to worry about myself. Well,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: there's this whole other part of society where it's like,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: it's not that easy being a mother either, because we
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: have broken down all of the communal aspects of motherhood.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: And that's and but when chapel Rom says something like that,
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: after like, I don't know all my friends who her
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: mothers look frazzled and stressed, and I just don't want
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: to do it. Instead of talking about those structures, people
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: just would be like, I love my babies. She didn't
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: say you didn't.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: Let's put a pin in that, okay, because yes, I
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: didn't even I have. I was like, I should probably
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: talk about the chapel One thing, but I was like,
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: I don't want to because she didn't do anything wrong,
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: you know, And again it's just more effort to constantly
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: have to defend yourself. What she was doing was sharing
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: her truth. She was sharing her truth of what she observes.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: And you know, I don't know her. I don't know
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: her situation. I don't know where she's She's from the Midwest,
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: and she's like twenty seven years old, so I would
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: assume that all of her friends, just statistically speak, have
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: probably had babies by the time they were twenty two, right, Like,
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: I don't know, come at me with that. I don't
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: have the statistics, but I'm a bet the farm a
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: little bit, So I don't think that she's off base
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: for saying like, this is my experience. Okay, what I
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: want to know is why mothers become so insufferable. And
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: it's not all. It's not all, but I can give
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: you a whole like rolodex of instances where women take
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: my choice as a personal attack on them. I don't
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: know why these women decided to come at her as
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: if her observing and her having an opinion about what
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: she's experiencing is a personal attack on them and a
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: personal attack on families. And I think it is white
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: women entitlement that makes them so insufferable.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's always the answer.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: That's really the answer, right, Like, I don't know, I
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: don't know if you've read Zo Lena Maxwell's The End
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: of White Politics.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: No, but I will.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: Yes, it's a phenomenal book that she wrote after the
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: twenty sixteen election of like because my white ass included right,
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: living in this blue bubble of Boston, I really didn't
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: think that this was possible. I live in a place where,
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: like I don't have access to like, you gotta be
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: real bold if you're maga out here, because like, people
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: will flip you off and people will tell you to
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: go fuck yourself in the middle of the street, Like
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: we can tolerate that up here, and I don't. I
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: was shocked. So she wrote it after the twenty sixteen election,
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: and I read it right after the re introduction of
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: Trump reinaugural, and I was like, Okay, I gotta read this.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: And she basically talks about the three pillars that have
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: upheld our entire existence, in our entire constitution, in the
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: way our country was built, which is white supremacy, no
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: surprise there, wealth also no surprise there, and male dominance
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: and patriarchy. So the closer shocker, right, So the closer
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: you are to those three pillars, that's the pick me energy.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: That's when you're like, I want to fall in line
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: and I want to be part of like the popular
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: girls club in these three things. And you think, if
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: I can just choose men over my womanness, if I
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: can choose my whiteness over my womanness, if I can
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: choose my money over my womanness, I'll be safe. But
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: let me tell you this, if you identify as a woman,
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: they will fucking throw you under the bus, the first one.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: You'll be the first fucking one. Yeah.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: I when it's been the equation of like, well, you know,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: I'm just trying to keep myself safe, curled up to
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: a white guy or whatever, and I'm like, the math
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: will tell you you're wrong.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: Still, Yeah, it's like when you're sitting it's like in
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: high school when there's a girl who's like, oh my god,
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: isn't she She's with the football team, right, and she's
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: just like one of the guys, and she's like, oh
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: my god, that girl's a slut.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Like that's exactly what you're doing. You calling another girl
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: a slut so you think the football team will like you.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: Is exactly like what we're doing when we're when these
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: women are coming at me or women like me for
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: having an opinion about patriarchy, for choosing my women is,
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: for identifying hard about my womenists and calling out patriarchy
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: and supremacy and things like that. They take it as
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: a personal attack and if I can shut her down,
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: then I'll be one of the quote good ones.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And then and again, the math will tell
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: you that you're wrong. You're still just as likely to
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: be murdered as me, if not more, because he's living
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: in your house.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: Like yeah, find that statistic, right, Like, aren't you like
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: ten times more likely to be murdered by like your spouse?
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Like what?
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: And then it's like, and I tell people all the time,
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: I'm like, marriage statistically never works out as a pro
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: in a woman's life, health, wealth, well being, mentally, emotional, anything.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: It never never It's always a pro for them. And
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: that's why they built the institution, right right, It's never
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: a pro for us. They're never thinking about us.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: Right. Well, again, I think you get knocked down and
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: you get attacked, or let me rephrase that, I get
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: knocked down and I get attacked because I call that
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: out because I don't want that. I don't care if
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: you want it. I think this sounds like a shitty
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: end of the deal. And we can go into the
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: entire historical context of marriage and especially for a woman
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: and like where all that comes from. So you can
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: think it's a Disney fantasy, and you can think that
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: it is like some sacred vow to uphold, and you
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: can literally close your eyes to what it actually is.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: I don't choose that. And if I don't choose that,
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: I'm not a heretic, I'm not crazy, I'm not a bitch.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: I'm not you know whatever insert insult here. It just
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: means that maybe I've awoken different in a different way,
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: and I'm choosing something differently that I think is beneficial
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: to me and to the energetic trajectory of women.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I tell people all the time, I go,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: part of the reason why they're policing social media and
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: trying to take away TikTok and whatnot is because they
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: don't want they want women who have decentered men to
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: still feel othered and lonely. And they're crazy makers. So
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: if I link up with you and all of a sudden,
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I'm like, that's right. There are women who are ready
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: to put the patriarchy behind, are ready to start tipping
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: the scale into less white supremacy, less men power and
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: power and all of it. Well, that's a threat to them.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: And so the thing about like going to the grocery
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: store and mean, a single lady having to buy a
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: family's worth of frosted flakes is purposeful, like it's all
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: it's all political, and it's all patriarchy.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I'll one hundred percent it's designed to make me
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: so stressed out and so burnt out that I'll just
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: cave and find some lackadaisical, haphazard, sack of shit dude
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: with high cholesterol that you know, I'll just settle for
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: because I get to split the costs of things. And
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: and there are so many women who feel trapped in
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: their relationships because they don't have the financial means to leave.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm, that's that's terrifying. I've been homeless, I have
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: been financially asked out. I've been there not because of
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: a man, but just because of life circumstances. And it's hard,
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: it's horrible. It's the most humbling experience ever, and I
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: wouldn't wish it on anybody.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and it it And thank you for sharing that,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: and I am sorry that that has been your experience.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it's just like, well, it's why they demonice
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: queer women. Because queer women have found a loophole where
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: they're like, I'll split my bills with the lady.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: Now what I have all those things that you say
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: are great, Yeah, over here with a woman who actually
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: listens to me, right, shocker.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, And it's it's just one of those things
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: where it's like, also, I want to live communely and
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: in a community with women who are partnered and mothers too,
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: like I want us all to benefit from decentering men.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: But it starts, like in your homes by telling your
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: husband no, like.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: It starts by believing, I think even before or that.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: It starts by believing that you are not some second
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: rate option extension of a man, that you are worthy
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: of existing holy and fully and loudly and largely in
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: your life independent of the roles you play for other people.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: You can exist as yourself an incredible as you are,
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: regardless if you're a mom or a wife, for any
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: of those other roles, because all those roles do is
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: define who you are in someone else's life. That's that's
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: like one of my pet peeves is when you ask
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: someone about themselves, So tell me about you, and like, well,
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: I'm a mom. Nope, that's not what I asked. I
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: asked you to tell me about you, not who you
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: are for somebody else. You know. Yeah, that's like one
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: of my huge pet peeves. I'm a wife, I'm a mom.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: I was like, but what do you? Who are you?
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: Do you like? Do you dream? Are you fun? Are
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: you high? Intensity? Like?
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Well, who are you? Do you rock plumb? I'm give
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: me something, you rock star something? They're a book on
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: your nightstand? You're pretending to read anything. I'm currently pretending
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: to read Bright Young Women, but I'm really just watching
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: the pit until I fall asleep. How about you?
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: Are you? What are you reading? Great Young Women?
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm reading Long Bright River.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: Oh they just turned that into a Peacock series, right.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: I want to read the book first before I go in.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: I agree, but I'm probably gonna like Peacock already did
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: me a solid. My sister has a book I could
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: probably chose part frum Her. But yeah, no, I'm I'm
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: reading Bright Young Women because it takes, uh, it decenters
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: the man out of a serial killer story. So in
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: the seventies, there was that guy who broke into a
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: sorority house and murdered two of the women, and then
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: they later found out that he was actually a serial
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: killer and had murdered women in multiple states. And so
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: it's a fictionalized version of that story, but it's told
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: by the women who survived and the women who were killed,
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: and they don't even name him. In fact, most of
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: the time, the woman who has survived it just is like,
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: he's an ordinary loser. Think of ordinary loser and boom,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: you have him pictured. Stop calling him good looking, stop
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: calling him so smart. And that's why he figured it out.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: He figured out how to do this and how to
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: get out of prison because systems are built for him
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: to succeed at things.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: And it wasn't some dumb woman who didn't make a
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: good choice.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: Right, They were in their homes asleep in bed, like yeah, no,
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: it's like.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: He is a monster, you know. It's like you see
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: it on the like a woman was raped. No, no,
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: don't make that sentence passive. A man attacked a woman,
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: not a woman was attacked. No no, no, no, who did it?
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: Who make that sentence active of who was responsible for
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: the actual action?
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Right? Well, it's like how everything is still passively our
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: responsibility and our fault. That's what I'm saying the male
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: loneliness epidemic. Girl, Girl, they're so lonely. Not lonely enough
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: to go to therapy or get personalities, but so lonely.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: You know. I I want to slap somebody across the
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: face when they say this, the male look like, again,
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: it is not my responsibility to make you interesting and safe.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: And at some point are you ever going to do
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: And this is I'm talking to the men who won't
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: listen to this podcast shocker, But at some point are
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: you going to do the self reflection to be like,
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: how did I get here?
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: How did I get here? Because we're waking up and
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: I don't want that. I don't want to do work
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: in my relationship. I want to be supported. I want mutuality,
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: I want attunement. I want love and care and tenderness
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: like I don't want this macho ever new fly babe,
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: and you come home, open up a beer and then
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: like zone out on the TV. And I'm just I'm
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: no different than having a pet to you, No, I refused.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: Women have Hey, newsflash, women have been lonely in their
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: relationships for centuries.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: Because they had no choice but to be in these relationships.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: Right, because you wouldn't let us own property or credit cards,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: so we just have to be alone. At least you
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: all used to go out into the woods and hunt things,
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: but now you just sit in my house making me lonely.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: And I think I was like twenty eight when I
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: was like, I can't be sitting in a house with
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: a man who's not cleaning, not talking to me, not cooking,
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: not anything. Like I know, I'm like, I still made
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: it like a fall immy. I go, I know, I'm
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: too petty for that, Like I will just resent tim.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's not it's yes, it's all the tasks
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: that happen on the on the micro level, right, it's
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: that complete division of labor, of domestication, of emotional labor
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: that falls on women and now having to do all
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: of that still while working a full time job that
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: that does not seem like a fair split to me
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: at all ever ever. But that's on the micro that's
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: on the day to day, that's on the thing. But
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: the deeper level of that is that you don't men
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: specifically do not believe that women are worth more. They
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: don't like women, they don't respect women, they don't they
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: don't care about women, they feel entire and this is
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: why we have this epidemic or whatever it's got to
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: be called anything else, just like loser, overwhelm, whatever you
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: want to call it. But the reason we have that
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: is because there's a sense of entitlement and it's all
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: been that way. You feel entitled as a man to sex,
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: my time, my love, my care, and my softness, my support.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: You feel entitled to that without having to give anything,
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: without having to be anything better. And I think you
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: need to check yourself and say, do it what? Why
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: do I really want women? Do I want women because
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: I love them and I respect them and I honor them?
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: Or do I want them because I feel entitled to
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: put my dick in something?
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, while my laundry is in the laundry machine and
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: I've never touched raw me because my dinner is always
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: made kind of wash.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: My sheets in three months, get out of here, go home, go.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: Home. And then it's like on a separate level where
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: it's like I'm all like if I'm a woman who
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: is married and I'm raising a husband, and now he's like,
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: we should all also have kids because my line should continue,
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, ikey, I'm already raising you.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: But you know what, there are so many women who
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: who do that. Like I. Men just love the idea
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: of fatherhood, of the idea of like seed expansion and
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: lineage expansion, but they don't want to be a parent.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: Does that? Do you know what I'm saying? Like they
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: like being the father the DNA representation of this person,
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: but they don't want to be a parent. And I
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: say it all the time. I don't why didn't I
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: want kids because I didn't think motherhood sounded like a win. Fatherhood,
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: Oh sounds dope. That sounds dope. Like I just get
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: to not carry a baby and go through like medical
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: trauma and risk my life to birth this human being.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: And I could like fall asleep on the cot next
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: to the bed where my wife is pushing out a
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: human being. Or I could just like pass out and
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: get taken care of while she brings life into this world.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: What and then when we have the baby, I don't
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: have to know where they go to school, what size
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: their shoes are, who their teachers are, if they have
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: any allergies, what times are doctor's appointment. All I get
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: to do is come home from work and wrestle in
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: the living room five minutes before bedtime. That sounds like
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: a good deal to me.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: I So I tell people all the time that I
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: wish a that I had a biology background and be
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: someone would just like let me do this and hang
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: out at the zoo all day. But I am convinced
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: that I learned the most about fatherhood from gorillas. Okay,
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: explain this because I go to the zoo a lot,
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: and I watch a lot of like movies that revolve
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: around gorillas, like Return to Me, George of the Jungle,
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: like just like Gorilla's On Gorillas and gorillas, and like
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: gorillas are our closest primary relative or whatever. And you know,
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: female gorillas, if there are two men in the like
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: little gorilla family, one of them has to be ostracized
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: or the female gorillas have to spend the entire time
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: keeping a male baby away from a male gorilla because
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: they're so incensed and jealous of this thing that they
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: had no idea that they didn't create, that they try
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: to kill the baby. And I was like, oh, yeah,
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: men don't like kids that don't smell like them, like
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: when people are.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: Like mine, yeah, it's mine and benefiting me in some way.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: Then what the fuck do I do? Why do I care? Yeah? Yeah,
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: fuck you?
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So I tell women all the time, I'm like,
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: I think we should do what the lady gorillas do,
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: and I think we should just remove them from our
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: chillild community. I think we should be like you have
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: to be over there, and we scream at them every
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: time they come too close to us and the.
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: Baby, or just like a praying mantis. We should just
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: do that.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we should just rip there at all.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: After you serve this purpose, done, go with God. Thanks.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: But yeah, like I and here's the thing too, Like
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: I always assume I would be a mom, because it's
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: planted in us very early. I always assumed. I assumed
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: I would be a straight lady. I assumed I would
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: have a husband. I assumed I would have his kids.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: And as I got older, because I'm thirty six, and
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: as I got older, and it's just like I wasn't
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: meeting or dating the right guys or whatever, and no
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: one wanted to wed me and then give me children
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: or whatever, I just like really started thinking about it,
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: and I was like, I also don't want to try
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: that hard for this thing that I don't even understand.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: Or know that I want. Also, like, I had a
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: very romanticized idea of what raising children was because I
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: had aunts and uncles who built a community with my
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: parents when I was younger. So I watched work get
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: divvy out and like emotional support and whatnot. And then
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: I became a millennial grown woman, and I was like,
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: what do you mean you don't just get like a
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: gaggle of humans at your door who also care about
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: this baby after you have said baby.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: Like I have to go to do all the things
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: that I'm doing right now while taking care of a
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: human being and having it on my tit.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, okay, okay, all right, And they want you
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: back at work three weeks after you've three hours after
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: you've gone to like, they want you back at work.
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: And the massive gaslighting that is white American capitalistic patriarchy
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: is they keep tell well, it's worse other places, but
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: I guarantee you it's better for women who have that
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: year year's worth of maternity leave. And like Sweden ships
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: you a box with.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: Like a cradle and everything everything you need just in
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: case you're you know, struggling.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and everyone gets it because that's socialism.
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: We don't, we can't. I feel like, don't say that
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: too loud. They're always listening.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: They're always listening, and they're always bad.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: And I think with maternity lea like, people think I'm
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: like anti attorney to leave, and I'm like, no, it's
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: not that I believe that women shouldn't take time if
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: they have babies. No, no, no, no, I just think
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: the capitalistic way that we handle maternity to leave puts
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: that load on Say it with me other women who
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: are at work, Yeah, and it becomes the responsibility of
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: other people who did not choose that, like fix your
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: fucking system, hire attempt hire someone to fill that position,
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: and don't make it the responsibility of people who are
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: already overworked and underpaid and trying to live their life
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: like I don't. I don't want to have to take
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: care of that. I don't want to have to cover
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: and take on extra work because you decide to have
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: a baby. Do I think you should be able to
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: take work off? Yes, so two of these things are true.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: My solution is find some a better way to do this.
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, a better way to do this. Use those billions
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: of dollars that you guys keep accruing and high hiding
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: from taxes. Yep, and pay someone fifteen dollars an hour
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: to sit at the front desk.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: Or whatever it is, right or whatever it.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: Is, Like literally like I.
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: Or pay or pay me to take on Chelsea's role.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: You know, if you're dividing Chelsea's full time job up
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: between three people, then I want the extra thirty three
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: thousand dollars that you're paying Chelsea to do this.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think one of my last bullet points
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: is like, as single, child free women, there's a lot
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: of times that were infantalized even though we are grown women.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: Like on family vacations, it's like everyone gets a bedroom
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: and no, only you get this cat in the hallway.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: You can share. You can share with your mom, right.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like you get this. You actually get the beach
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: chair out by the pool that's where you're sleeping. We
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: saved it for you.
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: I just like throw blankets at you and slam the
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: door in your face and are like have fun under
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: the stars. Right Yeah, And I think that goes back
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: to my point, though I percent agree that it's because
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: we didn't suck the dick. I'm not placating the patriarchy.
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: I'm not choosing that, So therefore there's a hierarchy, right,
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: Like the women who are the pigmies, the women who
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: are the ones calling us sluts under the bleachers with
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: the football teams are better. I'm air cooling right because
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: they're falling in line and they're doing everything that they
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: should be doing in their controllable Do you know how
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: much freedom we have? Do you know how terrifying that
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: freedom is to people? As a child free person like
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: I do what, I don't answer to fucking anybody. I
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: don't answer to anybody. So I think what happens is
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: there's this assumption that we are immature, less than have
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: endless amounts of free time. And I fucking wish I
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: wish that I wasn't out here working for jobs. Okay,
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: I wish I was not out here working for jobs.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: I wish I was having the amount of sex that
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: Samantha had on Sex and the city. I wish all
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: of those things were true. And I also think that
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: there's this misconception and stunted ness that happens when people
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: have kids and they look at our lives like we're
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: just partying all the time. I can't even tell you
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: the last time I went out, and I just don't.
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: That's not it because they stopped doing it because they
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: had kids, So they assume that as we entered in
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: adulthood we do not face the same adult woes. I'm
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: still paying taxes, I'm still managing age and aging mother.
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: I'm still burying my grandmother. I'm still dealing with my
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: own health issues. I'm still going through menopause. I might
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: not be doing it with kids and a partner, but
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: I'm doing it alone and isolated and dismissed. So we're
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: still out here. I think because they stopped partying at
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: twenty six, they assume that at thirty six and at
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: forty six, we're still doing it because their reason for
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: stopping was kids, and since we don't have it, we
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: must still be doing it. Yeah, you know, if we've
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: evolved too and we've grown up too.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't. If I wear the ron bra, my
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: tits are sore for five days. I cannot be partying.
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I have to wear ear plugs. Like,
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: where are we going? I have ear plugs in my
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: bag just in case it gets a little too loud.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: Right, Like I went to I did take the train
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: by myself, like a brave woman into Chicago on Saturday
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: to go to Chicago to go to Chicago Comic Con.
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: And I was there all day by myself and met
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: a friend for lunch and then took the train home.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: And I woke up on Sunday and I was like,
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: I don't think I can move. I think I'm just
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: in bed. I took the train too.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: Much outside for me, that's a lot of outside.
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: I didn't even walk around that much because eventually I
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: found a comfy chair and I was like, I'm just
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: gonna watch the younger people dance in their costumes to
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: the DJ that they hired.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And I'm like, I it starts at nine.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: No no, no, no no. We need to be home
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: by like ten, because that means I got one program
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: left in me before I go to bed, okay, and I.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: And I need my one hour of TV before I
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: could I just need one calming episode of Law and
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: Order SVU and then I can go to bed. And
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: then I can go to bed, like fine, The bravovers
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: will continue whether or not I partied, and I have
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: to keep up with my housewives.
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: You have to you have to yeah, I think people
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: infantilize and assume. Yeah, all that, and this is the
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: reality what we're talking about. We're not going out like.
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: It scares me to be outside for that long, to
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: be around that many people loud noises, like I can't.
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: I used to be a good fucking time and I
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: used to dance half naked on speakers in my twenties. Okay,
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: I could not. I could not even. I couldn't even.
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: My favorite type of like dipping my toe back into
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: the club life is silent disco where everyone gets their
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: own headphones.
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: I've done that. It's so fun.
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: It's so fun because you don't have to look at anybody.
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: I'm always on the R and B track and someone's
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: like no, E EDM, and I'm like no, I'm throwing
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: it back for a little bit. And then I'll go
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: to the eighties pop.
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: Ballace like yeah, yeah, just let me be.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: This is my disco, this is my disco. I paid
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: the seven dollars for my headphones.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: I'm having a great time over here alone in the corner. Thanks.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it sounds real stupid when people are like, what's
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: the silent disco? I'm like, everyone has their own headphones
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: and there are three to five DJs and you get
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: to just choose what DJ you're listening to. And they're like,
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: but everyone's dancing. I'm like, yeah, everyone's having their own
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: singular experience and it really lessens the chances of you
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: getting growthed. I don't know how to explain it. Have
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: you seen that.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: I've seen it advertised, but it's like a women's only
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: club night.
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: Yes, I've never been, but a mecca.
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: They've come to my city. But I'm like, I love
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: this idea. I love this idea, Like it's like two
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: o'clock Sunday and I'm.
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: Like, God, my god, I love that.
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: Yes, I that because I think also like so at
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: Comic Con, my friend tried to get a pass and
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: she couldn't because they were all sold out. And before
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: she tried to get a pass, she told the man
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: that she was seeing and he was like, oh, man,
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: I've always wanted to go to Comic Con, and she
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: just kind of looked at him and went, Okay, let
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: me ask Stantley. And then I made a face about
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: this man who I've never met coming to a public event,
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: and and he's like, I'm going to tell him that
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: we won't call the cops if he's there, but he's
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: not allowed to approach us while we're having our like
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: our time. He's not allowed to look at us, he's
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: not allowed to speak to us or whatever. And then
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: I will motion him over when he's when he can't.
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: And well, they ended up not being able to go
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: because Sariday was so old out. But I appreciated that
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: because usually I'm surprised by some boyfriend and I'm like,
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: who's he. He's not dressed to the pink theme of
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: this drag brunch and he also didn't bring dollars to
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: tip these ladies with, so why is he here?
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a fucking sack, like a slug sack, just
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: taken up space in an energy suck. Don't bring don't
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: bring them. I just talked about this on the podcast
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: this week and did some content around it. I don't
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: understand why we think that partnership is the end all,
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: be all and success. Well, I mean I know we do,
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: because it's again falling into patriarchy. My proximity of men
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: means my worthiness. My proximity to falling in line to
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: that means that I'm worthy and I've in my forties, y'all,
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: I still have friends who are in relationships who are
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: nowhere to be seen right now, And I'm like, wow,
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: this tells me everything I need to know. That our
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: friendship was a placeholder until you got what you really wanted,
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: was a relationship, and you're so far up this per
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: since asked that I don't really what. I don't think
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: I'll ever see you again, like you've already and I
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: love that for you. If that makes you happy, that's great,
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: But as your friend, that doesn't work for me. And
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go and move and shift and continue
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: to build a community of people who also believe in
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: the expansion of community, not the isolation of partnership. You know,
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: why does it have to Like whoever you are before
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: you met this person is still who you are. This
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: person is just an enhancement in your life, So don't
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: neglect all of the things that make you you right,
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: Like everything in your life is important and it's all
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: a priority. And having this person just means that you
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: now have more support in your life to be able
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: to be you right. So it doesn't automatically expand your bandwidth.
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: You know, And I think I always went into every
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: one of my relationships with the mindset that like, my
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: friends were here first and they'll probably be here after,
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: so like who the fuck are you? And I was
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: semi dating a man upon his terms, like whatever terms
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: he was studying that day.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: That's what we were doing. I've been there too. It
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: never works out. Anybody listening, get out of that asap.
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: Get out of that. I don't have a podcast for nothing,
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: because I've lived through nothing. And we were out one
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: night and then we secretly went home with one another
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: because of the thrill of it all, and he like
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: made some comment and I was like, what do you mean.
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: He's like, like, we were out tonight and that was
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: great or whatever, but you like you talk to everyone,
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, I did. So we were
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: we were out with our friends and then I met
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: new friends and you know, the bar is the bar
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: is small, so everyone can see me, and so they
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: and he's like I just figured that, like, you know,
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: all of that energy, like that exuberant like him, you
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: know Mary Tyler Moore, she's going to make it, after all,
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: who can turn the world on with her smile energy?
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: I thought that that would be just for me. Once
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: we started sleeping together, And I was like, what a stupid.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm not even allowed who you were before.
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: That was exactly what he wanted, but he wanted it
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: off of himself.
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: For himself, and then like, well, also resented me for
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: being that person because and it's like, because that's exhausting.
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: It's exhausting to try and keep up with you, and
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: you're too great and too smart in all of it.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: And and I just like looked at him and I
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: wanted to be like, I'm not even allowed to tell
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: the people that I've told that we're sleeping together, Like,
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: don't worry, I've told them.
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: There's so many things, yeah, so many things. Yeah, but
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: I'm not supposed to. And but you're telling me that
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: I should only be paying attention.
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: To you when we're out.
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you want? Do you want to partner?
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: Do you want me to be me? Or do you
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: want like a submissive doting like what like a servant?
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: What would you like?
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: Are you a horror fan?
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: Do you like scary movies?
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: I don't know?
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: Okay. I went and saw the A twenty four movie
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: Companion with Sophie Thatcher from Yellow Jackets, and it's about
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: a woman who is a robot and a sex companion
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: robot to this man and what at the end of
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: the movie, I was like, they don't even care if
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: we're robots, Like it's still not enough. Like I'm a
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: robot doing everything that I need you to be doing,
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: and you still, yeah, aren't happy.
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: Men will fuck corpses. Just remember that, Just remember, still
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: fuck corpses. So like when you think you're not enough
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: or you think you do it, Nope, he's just a
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: loser and they fuck corpses.
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: So move on, move on. And like people are like, what, well,
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: like sex robots, like that could be bad. I go,
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know, or it could be the one thing
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: that makes them leave us alone. I'm just asking to
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: be left alone.
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Like I try to be open to partnership.
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: I do, and I think deep down, I mean, I
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: just know exactly what that partnership needs to be like
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: in order for it to be fulfilling for me. And
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: if it's not that, even if it's just the slightest off,
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: like I don't please walk away. Yeah, because I've lived
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: enough life and I've spun this block enough times to
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: know exactly how this ends. And how this goes and
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: the kind of man you are, So no thanks.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: I have like this visual that I call upon whenever
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: I think of like what like whether or not I've
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: seen healthy marriage and what that actually looks like. And
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: it's my aunt and uncle at Thanksgiving and they're just
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: like in tandem handing, like someone's handing off a box
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: of breadcrumbs, someone's opening someone else's wine, and they're in
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: the kitchen and they're technically not addressing one another, but
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: they are seamlessly getting this thing, giving dinner and not fighting,
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: which is my god.
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: She's an anomaly, but carry on an anomaly.
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: And I remember telling my mom. I was like, I
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: was like, the most beautiful ballet I've ever seen, And
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: She's like, okay, and I was like, no, that's what
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you, Like you never see that, just like
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: two people living in a space working seamlessly with one another, right, right,
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: and no one's resenting it.
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like actively, that's actively working towards a common goal.
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: So many marriages have two different goals, and oftentimes it's
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: the woman's goal getting cannibalized by the man's and she
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: ends up sacrificing her entire life to serve and make
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: sure he moves his needle forward and call that partnership.
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and like, and I was like, and like, my
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: my sister and my brother in law when they have kids,
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: they have like they have two kids now under the
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: age of three, and it's it's a ballet. They're both
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: at the changing table, they're both involved with feeding the kids,
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: they're both involved with making the and I'm like, and
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: you sit there and like, my mom and my aunts
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: don't know what to fucking do about that because they're like,
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: your father's barely knew how to spell your name. I
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: always had to check it when we were at the doctor,
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: Like did he do that correctly?
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: Did he put the birthday down?
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Does he know? And and like it and again
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: like that that's like the bar is in hell. So
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: the fact that my brother in law can like turn
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: on the baby bottle q rig and then like be
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: praised like a Nobel Peace Prize winner. It's frustrating, but
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: it's like but also it's beautiful because it literally never happens.
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: So I I know it's possible, but I know I'm
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: gonna be really fucking picky about it. And I I
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: think that's why they're so angry. They never believe that
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: we have the right to be choosy.
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like we're just bitches. We're just Oh, you're too picky.
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: No no, no, no, no no. I am secure and assured
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: and exactly what I want. I'm not picky. I'm not picky.
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: This is just I'm sorry that you didn't know what
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: you wanted or you made concessions on shit that you
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: shouldn't have made exceptions and concessions for, and now you
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: are where you are, Like, I don't. Don't tell me
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: that I need to follow that path and I need
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: to do the exact same thing because I'm looking at
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: it in real time and that looks like it.
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: Sucks, and like I'm too old to be dating someone's potential.
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: God god no, nope. And I also have like a
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: hard boundary on like I don't want to date someone
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: with kids. I don't want to date It's like like
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: green eggs and ham. I don't want to date a
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: guy with young kids. I don't want to date a
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: guy with four kids. I don't want to date a
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: guy with twenty five year oldkids. I don't. I don't
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: want to do it. I don't because it puts limitations
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: on a kind of life that I want to live,
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: and I'm not willing to do that. I'm not willing
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: to sacrifice my life because a child and I don't
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: think and I think that they should be prioritized, right,
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: Like the kid needs you, Like that's what you have
• 58:17
  Speaker 2: to do. That's your kid, man, that's your responsibility. Like
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: I don't shame anybody for that. I'm not like fuck
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: your kids. No, no, no no. And I know that that's
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: how it goes. But then what happens to me for
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: something that I have no skin in the game for?
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: No so hard past and it's like number one, I
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: feel like dating men is like always trying to compete
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: with the version of you that they've made up in
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: their head because they didn't listen to anything that you
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: said before we got serious. So it's like, why did
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: you think I would act that way? Why do you
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: think that that's my favorite food? Why do you think
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: that that's what I like to do on a Saturday
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: because you made it.
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: Up because it's who you. They have a fantasy too,
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: and I think we're just so conditioned to giving into
• 59:04
  Speaker 2: that fantasy. Yeah, of being chosen, if being wanted, of
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: being desirable, of having it all and having the good
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: life and getting this thing and checking the boxes and
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: riding off to the sunset. Put the colloquialism in there,
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: as you will.
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: You know, my first boyfriend was a football fan. You
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: I'm not a sports fan.
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: And I love sports, but like that when they're like,
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: how how is your day? Oh? We won? I was like, oh,
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: did you play for the team? You play team? Now? Okay?
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: It showed.
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: Anyways, Like he was like, why don't you come over
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: on Saturday for the game and then we'll go out
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: to dinner or whatever. And I was like fantastic. And
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: I always I used to always keep a book or
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: my kindle in my purse. So he's like watching football
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: and I'm like cuddled up like a Nora on the
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: Russian kid that's paying a yeah for the girlfriend treatment.
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: I'm doing my girlfriend treatment and I'm like cuddled up
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: or whatever, but I'm reading a book and it I
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: didn't know how mad. He was just silently getting as
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: I just like nonchalantly read my book and did not
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: care who scored touchdowns. Yeah, And he picked a fight
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: with me later and he's like we were supposed to
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: be spending time together, did it? I go, I was
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: literally on your lap, Like, I was literally curled into you.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: Right? Was this the same guy that didn't want you
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: to be social? Or is this a different gem?
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: No, it's a different gem. These are the gems I
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: was stelle and told, aren't they nice?
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Oh god, I have so many.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That relationship ended because he got too drunk one
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: night and I picked him up from the bar and
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: then he drunkenly started screaming at me about like all
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: the dinners I would give him once I was his
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: wife and exactly when they should be at the table,
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: and like, oh my god, if I'm gonna go out
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: with my girlfriends or whatever, I've d sure that there's
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: a plate for him warm somewhere. And I was just
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: like looking at him. I was like, is this a
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: future I'm signing up for? He's like, yeah, you best believe.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm learning some things.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 2: Today, and he was serious about this.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, good for him.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: I hope you found I hope you.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: And it was all because he hated his stepmom for
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: going out and having a social life. They hate us, Like,
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: I can't get that across it. They hate us, like
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: they only love each other, but they don't want to
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: love each other because of the no homo rule of
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: the nineties. But it's like, please grab one another on
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: the ass, like please socialize with one another, Like leave
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: us alone if you want us to.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: Act like your bros. Because you can't fuck your bros.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, Like you want me to
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: be in there like swimwear on the couch being like
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: oh tackle, touchdown and like wear my shirt and not
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: look at you and sit next to you and like
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: never have an intimate conversation and not go deep. But
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 2: I get, but you get to put your dick in
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: me because that's really what you want to do with
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 2: your dudes. Got him?
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: And I hate to break into Like you know that
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: adolescent show on Netflix is like sweeping the Nation and
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: I watched it and there is that one episode where
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: the therapist lady is trying to get a reading on how
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: that kid views women and surprise, surprise, it's as an
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: object and like as not a whole person who had
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: a life and feelings and whatnot. And I went and
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: people who were talking about like red pills, society and
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: what are we doing for young boys or whatever, And
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: I was like, what are we doing for the thirty
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: year old dudes who still only view me as an
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: object that should be wiped from this earth the moment
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: I'm inconvenient.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a wonderful question.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: Like I this isn't a new problem, which is part
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: of the problem. So I always tell people I'm like
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: that in cell shit starts at home. Watch how you
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: talk to their mother and their sisters, and watch about
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: how you talk about women around them and all of it,
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: because that in cell shit starts at home. And then
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: Joe Rogan makes it funnier, but it's already in force,
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: like they'd be able to ignore it if they weren't
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: also watching it in real time.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I agree, agree, I think they're just they
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 2: already have it, they feel it, they've been indoctrinated into it,
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: and they might not have the words for it. And
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: then you have the Joe Rogan's and the Andrew Tates
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: and the whatever whoever the hell the other what's that
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: guy's name? Uh? Nick went does.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then like Matt rife out the comedian, Yeah,
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: we did some dumb shit. Yeah, he built his entire
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: TikTok following out of women and relating to relating to women,
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: and then got a Netflix special and then just made
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: it all about dude, how lame women are.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: Good for him. Huh, good for him?
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a shame, I know. Yeah, so he has
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: picked me energy too. It turns out a lot of
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: them do, a lot of them do. I always say,
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: I was like, he wasn't trying to impress you, he
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: was trying to impress his boys the end. Why did
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: he talk Why did he talk to you like that
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: at the family barbecue? He wanted to get a lap
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: out of his dad who doesn't like him.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think and you know, I think Brene
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: Brown talks about this when men struggle when what they
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: struggle with, the vulnerability, is shame. And I think a
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 2: lot of men, if you read Belle Hooks, like men
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: stuffer substantially in the patriarchy in a very different way
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: than we do. Like they're the ones oppressing and suppressing
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 2: their own selves in order to oppress and suppress other people.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: They're suffering too. They don't have like the self awareness
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: and relationship that we do with ourselves and with other
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 2: women like they they're suffering patriarch benefit anybody imagine thinking
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: that you can't have feelings like what.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: But like three ugly billionaires who look like they're melting
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: told you that this was going to pay off, And
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: you decided to make three ugly billionaires who have a
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: bad perm, who are literally melting, and who look like
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: a ratituty villain. You were like, huh, they're my god.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: And they said, if we keep being me women, I
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: too could be a billionaire.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 2: That might have worked forty years ago. Yeah, but not
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 2: now because things like.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: They don't want to hang out with you either. Mm hmmm.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: So we end every episode of the podcast with like
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: a life lesson we would like to pass on to
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: the listeners, and then a manifestation we would like to
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: add into the collective energy. I always used to the
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: metaphor of like the life lesson being like if you
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: wanted to needleprint something and hang it over your mantles
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: so people had to read it on their way out.
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: What would that be?
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: You get one life, live the shit out of it?
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah, really, like this is it. Nobody gets out
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: of this alive. So I don't know what you're waiting
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 2: for or what you think you're going to prevent by
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 2: playing it safe and small. You know, just if you
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 2: have a desire and you have an inkling, and you
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 2: have a vision, you have a dream, and you keep
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 2: putting it off, like why why would you do? Like
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 2: this is it y'all? Like, just go do it. You'll
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: never fail. It'll just bring you to the next place
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 2: to do something different. So just go live the shit
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: out of your life.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and let it be messy. I feel like we
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: were the generation that was like told like, nothing should
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: be messy for you. Everything should just work out.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 2: It does, but it's not a linear, pretty process, right,
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: Like all those little planner books that they gave us
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 2: in middle school, like started to condition us that we
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 2: could color code our way through life. But it doesn't
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: work that way. I think the messier it is, and
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: the grittier it is, and the gnarlier the shit is
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 2: that you face, like, the more joy and the more
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: expansion you experience in your life, and the more authentic
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: it becomes. I think the more you try, the more
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 2: you do, the more you fail, the more you experience,
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: the more unfuck withable you become.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: No, what is a manifestation you would like us all
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: to work on as the collective energy into making true Hmmm.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 2: That again, like there isn't a there isn't one way, right, Like,
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 2: you get to be and do and say and define
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 2: whatever it is that works for you. So if you're
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 2: wanting something, I don't know if this is a manifestation,
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: but whatever it is that you want in your life,
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: Like and the way that we feel torn about what
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 2: we want, what we should, I encourage you to say, well,
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: that's just one way to do it. And my pathway
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: to joy and my pathway to success and love and
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 2: whatever those things are looks very different, and there's no
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: one way to do things. So you manifest whatever it
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 2: is that your vision is and create it for yourself.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: Is create it, get rid of the should but should
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: it could have? Would us?
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Like people think like having marriage and kids and
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: babies and a house and a golden retriever and those
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 2: things are great, but that's just one that's one avenue
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 2: towards a fulfilling life. And I even question and I
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: don't think that it's a finite thing, right, Like maybe
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: the man let the manifestation is to find the things
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 2: that you'd like and then continue to evolve with it.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be like, oh, I've checked the
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: box and then I'm done. Well, create the life that
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 2: you want time and time and time and time again.
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm thirty six years old. When I was eighteen
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: years old, and like The Hunger Games and or Divergent,
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: they were like, what do you want to do for
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: the rest of your life? We're about to give you
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: a bunch of debt, I said, teacher. And that lasted
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: for six years, and then I worked in theater, and
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: then a pandemic happened, and now I'm a podcaster who's
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: taking screenwriting classes. Love that thirteen year old dadly didn't
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: know how to write for the TV, let alone think
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: that she would.
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, evolving, that's it. I've had many a career
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 2: change and many a life knockdown, let it written, many
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 2: a shakeout, you know, and each time that happens, you
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 2: just make different choices that feel right for you every
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: single time. Like if what fulfilled me at thirty six
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 2: is not what fulfills me now at forty almost forty four,
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: what fulfills me at twenty two is definitely not what
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: fulfills me now.
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: No, Angela, thank you so much for being here.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: What a wonderful conversation of just talking about meno.
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: This was so fun and I have not had to
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: do this in a while. But the rule ontil all
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: the men I've tolerated before is surprise, we're now friends, correct,
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: which means I will DM you silly things that make
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 1: me think of you and our conversation and your content
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: from time to time. And it also means that anytime
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: you're pissed off about a new or old thing about patriarchy,
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: you can come back.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, I feel like that might be might be
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 2: a frequent flyer on this show. Yeah, you know, actually
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 2: what's happening right now, So we'll see how things pan out.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: Keep in touch, let the listeners know where they can
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: keep in touch with you.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you can follow me on all the social media
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 2: platforms the same handle, which is the angela Gentile. I'm
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: probably most active on TikTok. I like that platform better.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 2: I just think the algorithm algorithms and connects you to
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 2: more people where there's a lot of hate and ask
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 2: motherfuckers on Instagram deliberately, I think. So I start to
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 2: hang out more on the TikTok. And if you are
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: single and child Free wherever you're following me on social media,
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 2: the link in my link, the link tree in my bio.
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: I have a single and child free network. It's a
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 2: private group with hundreds of people from all over the country,
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: and I think global. I think there's a couple of
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: people who are from Australia in there too, and we
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 2: just host events, We talk shit. We have an entire
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 2: spreadsheet of like almost a thousand people from across the country.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: So if you're looking for support, if you're like, oh
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: my god, I have to do this life alone. I
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: need a ride to the colonoscopy, I need can someone
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 2: water my plants for me while I'm away, there's an
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 2: entire spreadsheet and network of people who are willing to help.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 2: Because when you decenter men, and you choose yourself, and
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 2: you choose to expand into your community of like minded
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: people who are also prioritizing themselves, it can be really lonely,
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: but you're not alone. You might just be like isolated
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 2: in your area and you're like, there's only one of me. Yes,
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 2: every friend group has one, but if all of us
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 2: are getting together, like not alone, you know, we just
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: tend to be a little bit spread out, so.
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: No, I feel that. Yeah, find your people. It is
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: through grassroots communities and people splitting. I always said that
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 1: I wanted a grocery store buddy, where it's like I'll
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: get the blueberries, you get the strawberries.
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 2: We split them like a Costco split. Yeah.
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 1: Oh yes, go do that.
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 2: You know, get your Costco bud like you got a
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 2: Costco membership. Let's go get forty six papers out and
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 2: split it.
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 1: Uh. Yeah, it's through community that we will get through
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: all of this and then disman until all of this.
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: My god.
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the goal. That's the goal because at least
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 2: if you feel supported and at least you know that
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 2: there is somebody who has your back, it helps you
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 2: to take the risks that you need to take to
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 2: burn the shit down.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: Ye all right, well, thank you, thank you so much. Uh, tolerators,
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 1: you know where to find us that spend I've tolerated
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 1: pod on Instagram, Natley K one two four on TikTok
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: and also my personal instagram. And remember, kids, remember, tolerators,
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 1: you have to spile through anything you're tolerating, including systematic
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 1: pressures that make you feel really lonely. When there is
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 1: an entire sy of people just waiting to meet you
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 1: and validate your lifestyle. Smiles are for joy. The name
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: pron