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Transcript

The Weight Parents Carry · UNLOADED

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'd like to welcome everybody back to our podcast unloaded.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: This is Michael Seahorn.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Shannon Morrow.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: And we are glad to be back with our listening audience.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Shannon, we're back again.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: And again.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: And again.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: And again.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Not a lot going on and too much.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Let's throw that out there, not too much.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Just enough.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: Just enough.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know, sometimes it's been coming up a lot with some of the um something's been coming up from a lot of different people uh in my um circle, whether it's at work or staff or um family or whatever it is.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Parenting, man.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Parenting's been coming up a lot.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just different different questions people have, you know, because people know that, you know, I've got uh my wife and I raised five kids and um our youngest is you know in her twenties, our oldest is in the thirties, and we've got grandkids now.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: But I've just been noticing.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if it's like because it's springtime, I don't know if it's like um I don't know what it is.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: It just seems like it's been coming up a lot.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: I got a lot of questions from um from other dads, um moms as well and it's it's just got me thinking and back, you know, because like I said, my my youngest is in her twenties, so it's been a while.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: And um I tell I t I've told a couple people, um it goes by so damn fast.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, one minute they're in you know, they're diapers and you're just you know, able to play toys with them, you know what I mean?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: They their whole world revolves around toys and not wanting to go to bed on time.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: The next thing you know, you know, you got kids that are getting married and having their own kids and their own lives, and it's it's just crazy how fast it seems, how fast it goes by, you know.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, and sometimes it can't go fast enough.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Been there too.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Been there too.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: We're at a little bit different stages.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Mine, my two kids are eleven and eight.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're in a thick of it.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're in a thick of it.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And not that I want to rush that by.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's probably about the best time, you know.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: There are these awesome little independent beings with these very developed personalities, but you know, they're still, you know, I mean, at those ages, you know, where uh yeah, it's it's a fun dynamic, but man, it's it's a lot, of course.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: At any stage, yeah.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: At any stage, and for those of our listeners out there that are aren't parents or yet or might not want to be parents, um I think it's applicable across the board because it seems in today's world um there is a interesting study that um uh the birth rates are down.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: Not not just in our country, but down all over.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Which should concern some people.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, it's a it's a wonderful thing to have human beings on the planet, um, you know, but I get the complexity of it, obviously.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: And um you know, as a dad, I think I think one of the hardest things uh when your kids get older is your how do I say this?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: You you make a great shift um as a dad when your kids get definitely after they're eighteen, nineteen in their twenties and and and going on in life.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: But your your role as a father changes drastically.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and I I tell people this is how I quate it.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: When they're young and they're and they're kids and they're under eighteen and you know, their life really depends on how well you take care of them and feed them and clothe them and do all the good stuff.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: You're the captain, man.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: You're the captain of the ship.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: You steer her wherever you want, you you do what you want.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: You're the you're the captain, right?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: When they get older and they start getting on their own, man, you're not the captain no more.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um and um sometimes that's tough as a dad, you know, just trying to find like you know, I want to give wisdom when wisdom is asked for, because I don't typically give wisdom when it's not asked for because it doesn't do much good people aren't listening to, right?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I I hear this a lot from other fathers and other even even other mothers um about the complexity of how that role looks when you get older as a parent, you know.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: And um it's just uh it's a great thing.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I'm I'm glad I'm a young enough father that you know I can go out and be super active with my kids and we can have lots of fun together, you know.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: But I I hear a lot of other fathers uh lately that are struggling, man, with like oh I just you know I wish I wish my kid would do this.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, man, you can't I can't I can't roll like that, man.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you can wish all you want, but if you allow that that to really sit and fester, if you will, it then it starts turning to something else.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's like you know, they should do X or they should do Y.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, but that's not your choice, man.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like they're they're young adults, they're they're finding their own way.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been uh one that had went through that too.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you can wish what you want for your children, but your children are their own human beings and they're their own people, their own personalities, their own likes, and their own dislikes.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: And unfortunately, just like the rest of us you're gonna learn through trial.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's how we learn, right?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And the failure.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: And the failure, right?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: It just it dawned on me.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: I I guess because maybe um, you know, it's been a little bit out of my preview, if you will, about some of the struggles that you know parents are going through in today's modern world, man, and I don't envy them, especially you guys with younger kids, man.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's a it's a weird world right now.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I would contend that it I don't know, it's it's a very individual um choice, you know, how how everyone raises their children differently, and even that changes for all parents as they get deeper into parenthood, you know, and I I don't know that I'm actually captain of the ship much.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Even with an 11-year-old and an eight-year-old.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, part of that is my intent, you know.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, they I don't know, of course, gotta provide the clear structure, safety, you know, there there's just there's plenty of non-negotiable that we, you know, while they are under their care, while they're younger, and yeah, you you're brushing your teeth before you go to bed, and a thousand other examples, which you will mind me, this is uh non-negotiable.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: And when they want to do have that hairstyle or wear those clothing or speak in that way, you know, and even though like uh it's really tough for me to take sometimes, like what?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: No, that uh, you know, but I've gotten much better through the years.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: I I continue to learn to shut the F up and just, you know, they say choose your battles, and there's enough already.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I come home, when I come through the door, I don't want to have to be worried about stepping on anything.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: You you keep the floor clear, right?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: You rinse your plate when you clear your plate from the dinner table so all that food doesn't harden on the plate, right?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of I lay down plenty of law, and at the same time, I've that's been my own growth process.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: I've been stretched a lot, even though internally I I could be disapproving, or it's hard for me to be accepting of a lot of these different things.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: None of my effing business, man.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's it's already begun for me to just allow them their greater autonomy.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's um I tell people a lot, um, parenting is not easy by any stretch of the imagination.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, you can go either direction with that, I'm sure.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: But parenting is challenging across the board.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and like Shannon said, everybody's got their own flavor, everybody's gonna do it however they see fit.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um I was always because I didn't have a dad, so um, I didn't really have a good role model uh as a male.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um my stepdad is no longer here on the planet, um, not a very good role model on that front.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: So for me becoming a parent, I didn't have a a real good model per se.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: What I did know, and um you can talk about this for hours upon hours, is I didn't want my kids to go through the same stupid crap that I went through and all of the pain and all the frustration that I went through growing up, which we now know.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's not always a good option either, because when you overcompensate, right?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's a it's a it's your damned if you do your damn thing.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we do, that's how it goes.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's okay.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's crazy.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I just look at parenting and then I look at what our podcast is designed to talk about, which is unloading and um you know speaking our truth.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: Man, there's a lot of weight being a parent.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yep in and of itself, there's just a lot of weight being a parent.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Just the responsibility for the well-being of these little little creatures, these little human beings, like ooh, that just keeping them safe, healthy, and hopefully productive someday, developing quality human beings that, you know, for their time on this planet, you know, can contribute, you know, that are and however, you know, I mean, I w without putting too much pressure or even values, you know, everyone that's a big one.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: We all have different values.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Of course we'd pass, we want to pass our values on down to our children, just as values have been passed down to us.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: But wait a second, what are these values?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, how much do we like, oh look at them, maybe allow for some adjustment that ours are different, that our children's might be different.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: That that can get sticky.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it can get sticky, you know.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I sometimes you know, when people meet my children, you know, we have boys, we have three boys, two girls, and um it's funny when I hear people go, Oh man, your son's just like you.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: It like the hair on my neck stands up, and I'm just like, No, please no.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to be like me.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and you know, as a dad, I think I look at that a lot heavier in today's time because of you know, they're young men now.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, they're gonna be they're men.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: I call them young men because of my age, but you know, I look at that now and I go, man, did I do a good job?
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: And amazingly, I imagine when people say to you, man, your boys just like you, that that's meant as a compliment.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: It is, it definitely is, but you know, I and this is just for me, just speaking on my behalf, is I always look at oh man, I hope he's not as angry as I was.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I hope he I hope he doesn't handle those hot-headed things like I was such a hot head, you know.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I know it's a compliment, but I think it's subconsciously in my mind, I all magically go to the opposite side of the coin, right?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for seeing that.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, I hope they're not.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, with that being said, I just it can't it's been coming up a lot, so I figured I would just bring it up to you and and throw it out here on on our on our listeners.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: I love being a dad, man.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: I do.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: I I love being a father, and um as as the seasons change and your the age of your children change with it, you know, you get these great seasons that they come into, and it's just a joy sometimes to, you know, when you really just sit back and take a look.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I'm I'm now in my part of my fatherhood being a dad is I just enjoy just hanging out with my kids and watching them banter and you know, they still roughhouse even today, you know.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, and so do you.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: So do I, which we've talked about.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: Uh which we've talked about.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, man, if somebody calls me out, you know, what what am I supposed to do?
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: Am I supposed to say no?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: Depends.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: Depends, right?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: A good friendly wrestling match with a young, you know, 20 or 28-year-old is not gonna hurt anybody except for the 28-year-old.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh someday, man.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Be careful.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Stay in the gym.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I tell dad.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: Stay in the gym, man.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, we got that thing called dad strength, and it's a thing.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, old man's strength.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's a real thing.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, it comes when you need it, it's there.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's crazy, man.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: But um I do I definitely enjoy just spending time with the family and just uh, you know, you don't even have to really do an activity, it's just hanging out with them.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: Uh huh.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, listen to some of the ridiculous conversations.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you've got the social media influence, and you got this mass media influence, and you've got there's just so many things that are influencing our kids on the information, just overstimuli, you know what I mean?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Different times when we were a kid.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, of course, we sound like the old men all back when I was a kid.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, every generation.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: I try not to do that, dude.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: I swear to you, I try not to be that guy, man.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I want to just kind of honor what you're describing earlier with birth rates plummeting around the world and a lot more um younger generations making the conscious choice to maybe wait to have children or not to have children, and yeah, good, you know, because we're uh, you know, one of those middle now, Gen X or whatever, um, kind of the older generation, you know, where it's just kind of the more expected thing that you're just most everyone's doing, and and so you know, you you kind of have your built-in people, like, well, it here this is my family, these are the people I hang out with, of course, and stuff.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: And nowadays, as that's kind of shifting a bit.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's still plenty of that, thank goodness.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And also, thank goodness there's a lot of other alternatives, you know, for people who very um conscientiously choose, you know what, nah, I it's not not for me.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to, you know, and and good, good for you guys for making that choice.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then your people, your your friends, your your social connections, you know, whatever, you know, it's you you can still get that same quality of connection or banter, or I don't mean same, just you know, different, but all but connection, human connection.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: Your people, whoever those people are, it doesn't matter whether it's family, you know, whether it's not, whether it's just friends, co-workers, whatever environments you find yourself in that you can you experience that human connection with others.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Great, great.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: That that's that's more what it's about.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, no doubt, man.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the interesting when we were just talking about, you know, the weight, if you will, of parenting.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um when I think about the weight now comparatively to let's say when my kids were, you know, your kid's age, what a different weight.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's such a different weight.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's be in or think about that quite often to be honest with you, because it it it that weight has a different impact on us.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: I at least it for me, it did.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's a different impact on me.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I and I think Shannon and I talked about this once.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you know, your your kids are you know, they're in that they're in that little age right now, man, where they're trying to you know, they're getting a little bossiness to them, right?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you just have to give sit back and be like, okay.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay, okay.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: I see, I see what you're saying.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: All right, go back to bed.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, my kids are both already smarter than I am, of course.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: They know way more than I do, man.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: They they just have to tolerate, you know, old dad.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's scary, you know, but the weight now uh shifts, you know, because you know, out of the five, uh, three of ours are married, uh, two are not.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, that weight becomes a lot different because of the circumstances of the life they're living, right?
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: At the age that they're at.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when they were 11 and 8, you know, my back then they just want to go outside and play all day, right?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um eight-year-old, they still want to play with toys and you know, just hang out and have fun.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: So as a dad, that weight is very different from now my kids are married and they have their own lives, and I have got grandkids now, and their problems are bigger, and you know, they've they're they need to be financially responsible for themselves.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so it's like the older they get, they get to this portion of their life that we've already been through.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we can go, oh man, I remember those years, right?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: I I remember when I was that age, or whatever the case may be.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: I I've never been the the dad though, and you can ask my kids, I've never been uh because I grew up in a house like this was when I was a kid like you were talking about, I hated it.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: So triggering it triggers me.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: I I just don't like it.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: I you know it's it's something even my wife and I had to talk about, you know, when we were raising our children.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, let's be cautious.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, let's be cautious not to use that because in my opinion, it is not very good way to say it.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's not very relevant because of the way that I grew up in in the place and time that I grew up, is very different growing up in Baltimore in the 80s and 90s relatively to growing up in let's say Sparks, Nevada.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's very different.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I I didn't want to put that on my kids growing up.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to be like, oh, when I was your age, I had a you know XYZ.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Well that's so I I was a little more cautious on that.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: Nice, yeah.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: I try to only use that as a reference if if if need be.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: More for yourself and how you're communicating things.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like great, great word.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Is it really relevant here now?
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: No, and it kind of makes it more about you, and it's we're not talking I'm not talking about, you know, this is about our kids at this point.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I think that's a great point, too, is it's not about, especially, you know, when you're talking about whatever you guys are trying to figure out or whatever you know you're going through with your kids, but um, I think use it as a you know, history is a teacher, right?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that what they say?
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, if you allow it to be.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I we took a trip, uh oh man, maybe two years after my deployment in Afghanistan.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I think about two years after that, we decided to take a nice East Coast trip.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to show my kids where I grew up.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, wanted to show them where uh where the where my wife grew up, and just I wanted them to see some of the things that I got to experience um when I was growing up in Washington, DC.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: And you got all this amazing history and all this great things out there.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: So we had a great trip, started in Boston, worked our way down the coast to ultimately end up in Maryland, and uh drove my drove my kids through my own neighborhoods.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: What that had an impact.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's why dad is the way he is.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: That had an impact.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, this is scary.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: Can we leave?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, no, we're good.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just keep cruising.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: I want to show you a couple more things, you know.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: But uh I think that in itself gave them a balance.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's one thing about me talking about where I grew up and how we grew up, but taking them to those locations and seeing that you know your dad never grew up in a house.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: Don't complain to me about that, right?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: I live in an apartment my whole life or a townhouse.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um just giving them that reference point, man, helped a lot.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now they weren't uh I think they were all in their teens at that point.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: We only took we took three out of the five with us, but it was just a really good spot for them to see.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, easy to complain that you live in a house, you have your own bedroom, you have a great neighborhood, you got a park down the street, you got all this cool stuff, you got great weather, and yada yada yada yada, but that can change.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that can change very quickly.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I don't know.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: Just parenting's been on on my mind, man, just because.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's been around me for the last couple of weeks.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I figured I'd bring it up on the podcast and to share some things.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: I do know I I I was trying to think back when I was a single buck.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: I was just a single dude.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: And before I had my first son, and uh I was trying to use that kind of uh as a a reference point because I was like, man, what was my weight like then?
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know, what was my weight?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: Uh worried about if I'm gonna go to the club or what party am I gonna go to, or you know what I mean?
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like you look at the weight being a single guy or a single gal coming up, and then boom, now you're married, you got kids, and that weight's drastically different.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta take care of this human being, I gotta feed this thing every day.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta put a roof and clothes, and you know, so that weight uh just it's very different as those as the ages increase.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for describing it as different though, because it's not necessarily, we're not insinuating that it suddenly gets heavier or more important.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: I could see how one could conclude that, but I mean, for I'm as you just described that I was thinking back to when I was much younger and single without all the responsibility of parenthood, and it was a different different kinds of pressure or different kind of weight, especially, you know, for those of us you know when you're in the military or a mission, or but I mean the the stress or anxiety of like, oh, what am I going to do with my life?
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: What what am I supposed to be?
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Who you know, or you know, not being partnered, uh, who you know, looking for you know, a girlfriend or a partner, you know, looking to get married or not, or just should I move in with so-and-so or not?
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: Should I be in this relationship or not?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: How you know, trying to figure out money, you know, more for the first time, you know, and there's there's still a lot of pressure and you know, stress, anxiety as young adults, um, and then it of course it changes through the lifespan, then upon, you know, for those who do partner up, get married, have kids, whatever, you know, but it's not like it just suddenly gets so much m greater.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: It just it changes, it becomes different because other a lot of that other that initial stuff kind of subsides.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a matter of trying to find the right person or trying to find the right career, you know, you like that stuff is more settled at that point.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's just trying to put some good human beings on the planet, you know, and and so um again, yeah, thank you for just describing it more as it's just different kinds of pressure or weight.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, it it definitely is.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I I've never been one to shy away from uh affection with my children.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think it's a very important thing to me.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's very important to my family.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when I see my kids, I I try to hug them even as adults uh because it's important to me.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I think it it it also reminds them, you know, you can be a tough ass dude.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: You can, you can be the toughest dude at walks this planet, uh, but you still need to show a little love to your to your kids and um you know to other people.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I think through that it it's definitely created a a very good bond with with all of my kids because I will tell you this.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: I have a lot of other uh people are in and around my age group where uh their kids don't really want to be a part of their life as much anymore.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: They've just chosen to uh focus on whatever it is they're focusing on.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and uh unfortunately their mom and dad now um are are you know they just don't get a lot of time with their kids.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: I hope and I pray, and uh we always try to include our kids, you know.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: They all know you can come to dad and mom's house anytime, right?
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, but we we still try to do things uh as a group because I think it's important.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if it's just hanging out barbecuing on a on a nice summer day, or uh we all like to hike, we all love the outdoors, so just keeping that going, you know, it's yeah for me it's important.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, it it is important, I think, for most, while also uh at the same time, you know, I imagine fast forward into the future a few years or several years, and you know, when your it's you know, when your kids start having kids, you know, you're and or their kids get older or their careers start taking off more, you know, they're it likely happens just like you know, um many of us experience with our own parents, you know, they're just we go through that season of life where our present day, our our own home, our own family and jobs and everything is getting most of our attention, and especially if there's you know, now distance, if you know, people move, so it's not just an easy and drive across town or anything.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it it pretty naturally occurs through the lifespans that um there there's not as m much closeness or as much of that bond, you know, which r ultimately is kind of natural because as we know we all die and you know, the loss of our parents, the loss of you know, just our our families and it it it's it curves it curves that.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's not uh it's very case by case, but often hopefully it's not as dramatic, you know, or you know, it's like well, yeah, it's we aren't as close as a family unit, of course, as we used to be.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're still fairly close, fairly bonded, but we don't see each other as much, or now we aren't communicating as much.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that's fine, you know.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: Look at how you know busy or whatever, far apart we're whatever, you know, but but I'm just playing both sides, you know, because there's a lot of folks out there who aren't as you know super close or connected with their family of origin.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: Family of origins bring up a lot for a lot of folks as you experience yourself, you know, and so I'm allowing for, yeah, um you prioritize that for you and where you are at in your lifespan right now and where your kids are at.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, if 10, 15, 20 years from now, you know, you're you're not hearing from one or two of your kids or m as much or seeing them as much, you know, and that and while understandable that can still be like, oh, you know, you oh yeah.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I think a lot of older parents do yearn for that more, and um it is kind kind of hard to find that balance.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: No, for sure.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, and we have a very small family.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um my brother and I are the uh last ones for us.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I do have two uncles.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have a very uh close relationship with those two uncles, but uh my brother and I are it, you know, and even on my wife's side, uh my wife only has an uncle and aunt left.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: So it's weird making this transition.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: There that that explains a lot, right?
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, it's definitely weird.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: The loss of our own parents, then we naturally pivot more toward our children if we have children, you know, and so yeah, human relationships, man, on the dynamics of family systems, man.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's nice just to recognize how different they all are and how how dynamic it is and how much they continue to change, and just a lot of acceptance for yep, this is how it is where it's at, you know, and being you know, knowing who we are, knowing what we want, allowing others to be who they are, allowing for others to be, you know, how how they want to be, you know, there's there's that balance.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: I I unfortunately we're out of time for this episode.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_01: We're over time, aren't we?
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: No, we're we're we're good, we're on the mark.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: I would say my just my closing thought is um whatever your dynamics are out there, whatever the relationships are that you guys are involved in, just cherish them while you can.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um sometimes those those will come and go.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's just part of the life cycle.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but um, if they're important to you, just let them let them know, man.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: Just let those people know they're important.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: Let them know.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, that's all you can do.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, like always, if uh if you guys need some help out there, 988's a thing, give it a call, talk to somebody.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, if you can in your local area, book an appointment with somebody, have that hour chat.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_01: It'll do you wonders, man.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I wish every single buddy out there that's listening the very best.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: Have a great week.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: But uh, as for Mike Seahorn and Shannon Morro, this will conclude our episode on our podcast unloaded.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: We'll catch you next time.