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When "I'm Sorry" Isn't Enough: Responding to a Spouse Who Won't Let Go · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for June 11, 2026 When I'm sorry isn't enough Responding
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  to a spouse who won't let go Today's broken behavior is allowing your spouse
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  to mischaracterize, exaggerate, or refuse to let go of your wrongs.
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  We all do things that annoy, inconvenience, or hurt our spouse.
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  Some are born out of cluelessness or mistakes. Others are a result of selfishness or a hard day.
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  And sometimes, in our worst moments, we may intentionally hurt our spouse because of our own pain.
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  The last is more serious and needs to be addressed more seriously.
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  These things happen when you live with someone.
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  That doesn't make it okay, but the reality is, they happen. We should confess,
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  repent if needed, and apologize for all these things.
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  And usually, that should be that.
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  If you do the same thing over and over, that's an issue that needs extra attention.
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  But occasional things, or things you're getting better at, should be forgiven and let go.
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  For serious issues, this will take longer, but it should happen.
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  But what if your spouse won't forgive and let go? Or they say they do,
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  but then bring those things back to life.
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  Perhaps they exaggerate what you did. It goes from you stepping on their toe
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  to them claiming you stomped on their foot.
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  And they make it bigger, worse, or more frequent than it actually happened.
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  Assigning intention where there was none is another way of doing this.
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  Claiming that stepping on their toe was not an accident, but that you meant to do it.
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  Then there is refusing to let go of something well in the past.
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  It might have happened once or many times, but you haven't done it in months
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  or years. Yet they still bring it up.
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  Doing these things is a tactic. It's playing the victim or looking for sympathy.
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  It might be to distract from what they're doing that they shouldn't or not doing that they should.
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  Or they might want to make you feel bad so they can manipulate you and get you
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  to do something you don't want to do.
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  Allowing your spouse to get away with any of these things is broken behavior on your part.
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  When it happens, push back. Say, I apologized or we dealt with that.
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  Say these calmly, flatly and without anger. Beyond that, don't give in to manipulation.
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  Do what's right because it's right and don't feel that you must make up for
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  something in the past if you have already dealt with it.
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  See what your spouse is doing for what it is and refuse to play their game.
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  This is Paul, and putting up with manipulation is not doing marriage well.