Latest / The Daily Reset Podcast / DAY 4: Why you keep repeating the same patterns — and why understanding them isn’t enough

Transcript

DAY 4: Why you keep repeating the same patterns — and why understanding them isn’t enough · The Daily Reset Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: hi it's laurel here and welcome to day four today we're looking
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: at why you keep repeating the same patterns and before we go anywhere i want you
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: to hear the second line on this slide because it's
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: the whole session nothing has gone wrong you're running
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: a script you didn't choose people often call me a pattern spotter it's probably
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: the thing i get told most that i can see
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: the pattern running underneath what someone's describing before they can
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: but here's the honest bit it took me years to turn that
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: on myself i could see everyone else's script perfectly mine was invisible to me
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: because that's what your own patterns are invisible running in the background
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: for years sometimes decades so today isn't about what's happening to you it's
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: about what's running underneath and why it won't move one reframe before we start
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: because everything today depends on it the pattern is
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: a proof you're failing it's information if you keep ending up
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: in similar relationships that's information
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: if you keep hitting the same ceiling at work information if
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: the same financial habit shows up year after year information it's not a lack
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: of effort it's not a character flaw it's a script and scripts can be read so
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: as we go through today no judgment we're not here to build a case
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: against you we're here to read the information quick recap
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: yesterday we looked at ai and your tech stack what stays uniquely human
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: and how we subtract noise to make space today we take that space
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: and we go underneath because the question isn't what's wrong
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: with me nothing is wrong with you the question is what's running underneath
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: and why won't it move most people believe life is unpredictable that success
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: and happiness happen randomly but look closely at any real breakthrough
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: and you'll find the same thing at the start of it
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: someone recognized the pattern patterns determine outcomes change the pattern change
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: the result there are three levels to this and they map exactly on to where we are in
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: the week level one pattern recognition everything starts with awareness until
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: a pattern is visible it runs automatically you can't change what you can't see
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: that's today level two pattern utilization once you can see it you can use it
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: athletes study their opponents patterns businesses study customer patterns
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: in your life it means asking what behaviors consistently lead
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: to my best outcomes what habits repeatedly hold me back
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: when you start utilizing patterns instead of reacting to them you shift
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: from passive living to proactive design level three pattern creation
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: the highest level you stop inheriting patterns
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: and start designing them routines systems environments built to produce
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: the results you want that's tomorrow that's the design phase
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: your life today is largely the result
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: of patterns you've followed some consciously many unconsciously
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: the encouraging news patterns are not permanent they can be changed redesigned
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: and replaced first pattern you sense a purpose waiting a direction calling
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: but something keeps getting in the way the blockers are predictable fear
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: of failure fear of success both are protection and both keep you
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: from trying perfectionism imposter syndrome
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: old identities that no longer fit external expectations i'm waiting for permission
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: which i want to say something about because no one is coming
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: to give you permission not your parents not your boss not the world
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: the permission you need is your own so what are you waiting for notice
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: the need underneath almost all of these certainty the block is keeping you safe from
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: the risk of finding out
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: the way past it name the block awareness is the power challenge the belief
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: behind it take one small action anyway and build evidence you can handle it
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: and get support a mentor a coach you don't have to do it alone
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: because purpose isn't found it's uncovered by removing what's in
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: the way second pattern and this one is the heart of everything i teach we live in
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: a world obsessed with reinvention quit your job
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: burn your life down start over become someone else
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: but most people don't need reinvention they need recalibration remember how drift
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: arrives slowly not through dramatic decisions but thousands
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: of small unconscious ones you stop listening
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: to yourself you override your needs you stay busy instead
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: of intentional you keep performing instead of pausing productive but disconnected
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: and one day you wake up exhausted emotionally flat
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  SPEAKER_00: quietly unfulfilled wondering how did i get here the dangerous thing about drift is
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: that your life can still look successful on the outside
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: while feeling deeply misaligned on the inside and most people think
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: that feeling means burn it down new career new city new relationship new version
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  SPEAKER_00: of themselves but reinvention is often exhaustion in disguise
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: here's the pattern truth if you change everything externally
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: without addressing your internal patterns you recreate the same patterns in
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: a different environment you move somewhere and still feel disconnected start
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: a different job still burn out build a successful business
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: and still feel empty you take yourself with you because
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: the issue was never your entire life it was your calibration the pace the pressure
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: the nervous system overload the constant reacting
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: recalibration asks a different question what if i don't need
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: to become someone else what if i need to reconnect with who i already am underneath
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: the noise and it happens
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: through small consistent recalibrations better boundaries more honesty more rest
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: less numbing daily walks learning how to sit
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: with yourself again those tiny shifts repeated change your emotional baseline your
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: clarity and eventually your life your life is not shaped
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: by one massive decision it's shaped by your daily patterns
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: your day creates your life third pattern fighting your own feelings i wish i could
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: tell you that at some point overwhelm
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: and confusion go away they don't success doesn't remove these feelings they're signs
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: that you're human the feelings aren't proof you're failing but here's
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  SPEAKER_00: the pattern we assume the feeling shouldn't be there we resist them judge them try
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: to fix them we tell ourselves
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: that once we've figured everything out we'll finally feel calm once
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: the business grows once we launch the thing once we feel ready
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: every worthwhile thing i've ever done came
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: with uncertainty every business every career move every recalibration fear showed up
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: doubt showed up confusion showed up not because i was doing something wrong
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  SPEAKER_00: because i was growing
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: the moment you start thinking why am i feeling like this i thought i was past this
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: i've done so much work on myself you've stepped
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: into quicksand now you're not only feeling the emotion you're fighting it and that's
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: where people get stuck not in the feeling in the resistance to
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: the feeling feelings are energy
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  SPEAKER_00: they're designed to move emotions don't need to be fixed they need to be felt
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  SPEAKER_00: so here's the interruption and it takes two minutes pause two or three times a day
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  SPEAKER_00: and ask what am i feeling right now where do i feel it in my body what triggered it
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: and this is the needs question again what do i need set a reminder use
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  SPEAKER_00: a sticky note stack it onto
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  SPEAKER_00: an existing habit don't judge what you find just notice it and respond
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: with compassion fourth pattern the always on pattern
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  SPEAKER_00: and this one isn't mindset it's physiology your nervous system thrives
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  SPEAKER_00: on rhythm stress then recovery focus then rest connection then solitude
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  SPEAKER_00: that alternation is how every living system functions
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  SPEAKER_00: without it we break mentally that's burnout anxiety and fog physically fatigue
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: and illness emotionally irritability and disconnection chronic stress
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: without recovery is wear and tear on the whole system
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: the science is clear regulation is resilience
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: and notice what modern wellness has done with
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: that we've made health incredibly complicated cold plunges red light therapy glucose
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: monitors sleep trackers 90 minute morning routines the routine that was supposed
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: to make you feel free is now another job
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: the tracker that was supposed to help you understand yourself now tells you
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: whether you've had a good day before you've asked yourself the question
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: and underneath it all a small voice asks is this what well feels like that's
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: the optimization pattern the target keeps moving you hit 10 000 steps
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: and discover it should be 12 and it's feeding a need
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: to certainty mostly control dressed up as health
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  SPEAKER_00: the interruption is subtraction an idea that's existed for thousands
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  SPEAKER_00: of years sometimes
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: the most powerful thing you can do is not add something it's remove something
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: the basics never lost their power move your body eat real food most of
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  SPEAKER_00: the time sleep like sleep matters spend time
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  SPEAKER_00: with people you love get outside laugh rest without guilt none
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  SPEAKER_00: of it will go viral all of it works and it will still be working after
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  SPEAKER_00: the latest protocol has been replaced by the next one
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  SPEAKER_00: quickly three body level patterns because patterns don't just live
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: in your head they live in your physiology
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: the stillness pattern your body is designed to move built for motion not for chairs
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  SPEAKER_00: for most of human history movement wasn't optional it was survival
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  SPEAKER_00: when your body doesn't get resistance load stretch it adapts downwards use it
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  SPEAKER_00: or lose it isn't a cliche it's physiology and we can scroll for hours
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  SPEAKER_00: but can't find one to exercise
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  SPEAKER_00: the interruption lower the bar 20 to 30 minutes momentum matters more
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  SPEAKER_00: than duration stack it walk while taking calls train straight after work move
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  SPEAKER_00: before you open any apps and remember movement is a privilege there will come a time
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  SPEAKER_00: when it gets harder age injury health the ability
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: to move freely isn't guaranteed it's a gift use it while you have it
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: the feel pattern
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: your brain uses about 20% of your body's total energy
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  SPEAKER_00: so what you eat directly shapes how clearly you think how stable your energy is how
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: well you regulate your emotions refined sugar and ultra processed foods spike
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: and crash your blood sugar and those crashes show up as fatigue irritability
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  SPEAKER_00: and cravings which feed the next loop of the pattern
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  SPEAKER_00: whole foods protein healthy fats fiber steady fuel steady mind it's not
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  SPEAKER_00: about perfection or rigid diets it's about giving your body what it needs
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: to function the shallow breath pattern breathing is automatic and it's one of
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  SPEAKER_00: the only automatic functions you can consciously control which makes it
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  SPEAKER_00: a direct lever on your nervous system stress breathing is shallow and fast
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  SPEAKER_00: and keeps you in fight or flight slow controlled breathing longer exhales breathing
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  SPEAKER_00: into your belly switches on rest and restore
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  SPEAKER_00: lower heart rate fewer stress hormones a signal to the brain that it's safe
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: a few minutes changes your state
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: over time these small choices compound next pattern carrying too much noise
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: to hear yourself we live in a world
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: that rewards noise more information more opinions more notifications more pressure
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: to become more do more prove more and somewhere inside all of
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: that people lose themselves
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: but joy was never supposed to be complicated real joy comes from clarity about
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: who you are what matters to you what you value what kind of life you actually want
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: and when you get clear something powerful happens you relax
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: the static disappears you stop trying to force yourself into places roles
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: and expectations that were never designed for you
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: you stop performing and masking and start becoming sometimes
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: the most important thing you can do is step away from
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: the noise sit somewhere quiet breathe walk journal look at the sky
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: because underneath the chaos you already know and this is
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: where confidence actually comes
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: from not external validation self-awareness understanding your own design your
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: patterns your energy your rhythms your secret sauce is studying yourself not
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: becoming somebody else
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: when you understand yourself deeply decisions get easier direction gets clearer
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: and you stop fighting yourself waiting for clarity what am i doing with my life is
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: a question so big there's nothing to decide inside it the pattern is staying stuck
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: in the big foggy question because the loop survives
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: on size tomorrow i'll show you exactly how to shrink a fog question down
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: to something that fits on a post it and gets done by friday waiting to feel ready
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: this one sounds like a productivity problem it's an emotional one the things
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: that feel like too much aren't heavy because they're difficult they're heavy because
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: of the meaning attached to them fear of failure fear of judgment sometimes fear
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: of what it means if it works so we wait until we feel ready but readiness is
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: a myth it arrives because of the action you don't feel capable and
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: then begin you begin and slowly start to feel capable name the need
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: under all three certainty
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: and notice you don't get certainty by waiting you get it by moving waiting for
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: a sign people say they're waiting for a sign to leave the job start the business end
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: the relationship but most people are waiting for certainty and signs rarely arrive
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: that way they arrive quietly through repetition the same idea showing up again
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: and again a feeling that keeps returning at first it feels like coincidence
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: then it starts to feel like a pattern and patterns matter
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: your body usually knows before your mind does fear is loud urgent
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: and chaotic intuition is quieter a calm knowing uncomfortable maybe
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: but not frantic how do i know if i'm happy that's one of the bravest questions
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: a person can ask and everything this week has been building your answer
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: to it okay pause with me you've just seen a lot of patterns maybe one
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: of them landed maybe three did so here's the question i want you to sit with
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: what might become possible if those patterns changed not all of them even one if
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: the pattern that's been quietly running for years the overworking the waiting
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: the fighting the feeling the burn it down urge if
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: that one strip stopped running what opens up
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: here's your now action one small interruption this week one name one pattern you
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: keep repeating just one the one that came up during
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: that silence is probably it two name the need it's quietly feeding go back to
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: the six is it certainty trying to keep you safe significance connection be honest
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: and be kind remember
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: the pattern isn't proof you're failing it's information it's been doing
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: a job three take one step smaller than your resistance not to fix the pattern
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: to interrupt it
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: if the pattern is overworking the interruption might be finishing at six once
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: if it's fighting the feeling it's one two minute check in tomorrow smaller
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: than your resistance that's the design principle if the step feels hard shrink it
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: because you don't break a pattern by understanding it you break it by moving i mean
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: that seriously and it's the opposite of what most personal development tells you
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: you can analyze a pattern for a decade and it will keep running
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: because insight doesn't interrupt a script action does one small move this week and
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: the pattern is no longer automatic that's the crack everything else comes
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: through tomorrow we design everything this week has been building
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: to it day one you saw
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: the drift day two you understood yourself yesterday you made space today you found
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: what's running underneath
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: tomorrow we take all of that and start designing on purpose
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: and here's what you don't need to bring you don't need
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: to know what's next you don't need to feel ready readiness is
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: a myth remember you don't need to have found your purpose you need to decide
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: from exactly where you are one thing before you go if you haven't already taken
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: the balance reset do it before tomorrow it takes a few minutes
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: and it will show you exactly where you are across the four pillars
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: which is precisely the starting point the design phase needs it's
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: at balanced.ai slash reset and i'll see you in the room tomorrow