Latest / She's On The Money / She Gave Up Uni, Work and Financial Control for Love. Leaving Changed Everything

Transcript

She Gave Up Uni, Work and Financial Control for Love. Leaving Changed Everything · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: My name is Satasha Bamblet. I'm a proud First Nations
0:03
Speaker 1: woman and I'm here to acknowledge country t Glenn Young
0:07
Speaker 1: Ganya Niana, Kaka yah Ya bin Ahaka, nian Ar gay
0:11
Speaker 1: In Mbini yakarum Jar Doumayagumika Umaga Ihowaka Nilewaman damon Immalan
0:16
Speaker 1: Bumba bang Gadabomba in and now in waka ghana on
0:19
Speaker 1: yakarrum jar Watanadaa. Hello, beautiful friends, we gather on the
0:24
Speaker 1: lands of the Aboriginal people. We thank acknowledge and respect
0:27
Speaker 1: the Abiginal people's land that we're gathering on today. Take
0:30
Speaker 1: pleasure in all the land and respect all that you see.
0:34
Speaker 1: She's on the Money podcast acknowledges culture, country, community and connections,
0:40
Speaker 1: bringing you the tools, knowledge and resources for you to thrive.
0:45
Speaker 2: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
0:51
Speaker 3: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money the podcast.
0:54
Speaker 3: But lets you be pervy about other people's money stories
0:57
Speaker 3: for educational purposes, of course. Welcome back to another one
1:01
Speaker 3: of our money diaries, brought to you by our friends
1:03
Speaker 3: at Sky Wells, where I get the absolute privilege of
1:06
Speaker 3: sitting down with one of our incredible She's on the
1:08
Speaker 3: Money community members and talking to them all about their journey. Now,
1:13
Speaker 3: let's jump straight into it, because this week I got
1:15
Speaker 3: a message and it sounded exactly like this. Hi, She's
1:19
Speaker 3: on the Money. After leaving a financially abusive marriage after
1:23
Speaker 3: a relationship of fourteen years, I moved back home with
1:26
Speaker 3: my parents and changed jobs out of desperation. I was
1:30
Speaker 3: broken emotionally and financially. After two years, I have a
1:35
Speaker 3: fifty thousand dollar deposit saved. I started my share portfolio,
1:40
Speaker 3: and I want to buy my own place for me
1:43
Speaker 3: and my dog and work towards financial freedom. I never
1:47
Speaker 3: want to feel trapped again, and I am ready to
1:49
Speaker 3: become even more empowered money diarist. I am so excited
1:53
Speaker 3: to have you on the show.
1:54
Speaker 2: Hi, thanks for having me.
1:56
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, I am genuinely so stoked for the Like, sorry,
2:01
Speaker 3: fourteen years in a financially abusive relationship and sorry, now
2:06
Speaker 3: the queen has fifty grand saved, a new job, and like,
2:09
Speaker 3: do you even recognize yourself?
2:11
Speaker 2: No, not at all, completely different person.
2:14
Speaker 3: But isn't that so special?
2:15
Speaker 2: Yeah it is. It's huh, it's been a journey.
2:19
Speaker 3: I'm so proud of you. I am so flipping proud
2:22
Speaker 3: of you. That is genuinely my favorite thing ever. I
2:25
Speaker 3: think it'll never get old, right, like being in this
2:28
Speaker 3: beautiful community of people, hearing messages and stories on a
2:32
Speaker 3: weekly basis, of people saying, oh, I got out of
2:35
Speaker 3: a financially abusive relationship, Like what do you mean that?
2:39
Speaker 3: Like I got to play even a teeny tiny small
2:42
Speaker 3: part of that, Like that's wild to me.
2:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, you are a big part of it. In fact,
2:46
Speaker 2: stop yeah no, and definitely we'll get to that. But
2:50
Speaker 2: I'm so grateful to be part of this community. I
2:52
Speaker 2: am very shush about my situation. I don't talk about
2:56
Speaker 2: it like my parents know and maybe like one friend
2:59
Speaker 2: and that's it. So take it as a testament to
3:02
Speaker 2: what you do that I'm.
3:04
Speaker 3: Actually feeling you're comfortable enough to share this with me.
3:10
Speaker 2: I'm ready to go.
3:11
Speaker 3: Oh my, queen, I am so excited. All right, let's
3:15
Speaker 3: have a chat. First, Cab off the rank as always,
3:18
Speaker 3: if you guys hear a little sob or a little cry.
3:21
Speaker 3: Our friend Campbell has decided to join us for this
3:24
Speaker 3: recording because she simply won't get put down today and
3:27
Speaker 3: this working mom is just working.
3:28
Speaker 2: She's doing so good, she's doing it all, just trying.
3:31
Speaker 3: My guys, what grade would you give your money habits
3:34
Speaker 3: if I asked you to give them a grade from
3:35
Speaker 3: A through to F.
3:36
Speaker 2: I think these days maybe a B with some known
3:40
Speaker 2: areas for improvements.
3:42
Speaker 3: I don't need to learn more about that because, like
3:44
Speaker 3: right now, you're selling an A plus to me. Now
3:47
Speaker 3: let's step back in time, hopefully it is not too
3:49
Speaker 3: hard to talk about. But tell me a little bit
3:51
Speaker 3: more about your money story and the things that have
3:54
Speaker 3: impacted it.
3:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, so interesting to unpack a little bit in my mind.
3:58
Speaker 2: And I obviously con acted you, and I was thinking
4:01
Speaker 2: that through of how to even try and like journey
4:04
Speaker 2: through some of what I've been through. I mean growing up.
4:08
Speaker 2: You know, we worn't very well off, but were really
4:11
Speaker 2: loved by my parents, and we worked hard. So I
4:15
Speaker 2: mean I while I was a teenager, so you were rich,
4:18
Speaker 2: so you were in love exactly exactly. But it did
4:22
Speaker 2: teach the value of money and things. So I worked
4:25
Speaker 2: three jobs when I was in high school. I got
4:27
Speaker 2: a little Safeway job, and I got a job at
4:29
Speaker 2: a little local produce store and a Saturday shift at
4:33
Speaker 2: a real estate agent and I just worked really hard.
4:36
Speaker 3: So work ethic through the roots.
4:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks Mum and dad for that. So saved up
4:40
Speaker 2: for my first car. And then I was, you know,
4:43
Speaker 2: pining to get to UNI and sort of start life.
4:46
Speaker 2: And then things took like a little bit of a
4:48
Speaker 2: turn because I fell in love.
4:51
Speaker 3: You know what, it does dirty things to us sometimes,
4:54
Speaker 3: doesn't it.
4:54
Speaker 2: It does? It does?
4:56
Speaker 3: So tell me about the love.
4:58
Speaker 1: Yeah.
4:58
Speaker 2: So while I met him when I was twenty one.
5:01
Speaker 3: Well still about I was a little baby and he
5:05
Speaker 3: was not a little baby. He was eleven years older. Okay,
5:09
Speaker 3: I said he had yeah.
5:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, and if only she had it as well.
5:14
Speaker 3: But we don't have We don't know because even like,
5:17
Speaker 3: let's just step back to her for a hot second.
5:19
Speaker 3: Even if you and I admit you were twenty one
5:20
Speaker 3: and I said, babe, this terrible idea, you'd be like,
5:22
Speaker 3: I know better.
5:23
Speaker 2: I know better, No one would have heard.
5:26
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, I know better, Victoria. He's so nice. He
5:29
Speaker 3: cares about me so much. You don't know what you're
5:31
Speaker 3: talking about. And you know what, there are some journeys
5:33
Speaker 3: you have to walk alone so that you actually learn.
5:36
Speaker 3: And I don't see it as a bad thing because
5:38
Speaker 3: you've come out the better side, bigger for it. But
5:40
Speaker 3: like I think, so many times we say things like,
5:42
Speaker 3: oh I wish i'd known girlfriend. Even if you did know,
5:45
Speaker 3: you would have still walked this path because you've got
5:47
Speaker 3: to learn it.
5:47
Speaker 2: So true, so true, And like I guess, I can't
5:50
Speaker 2: live with regrets and I choose not to. But no, no,
5:53
Speaker 2: it's one of those things. So, yeah, he had two
5:56
Speaker 2: children already from a previous marriage, and that was who
6:00
Speaker 2: I fell in love with.
6:01
Speaker 3: So and that's okay because he could have been Prince charming.
6:04
Speaker 2: He could have been, but he wasn't.
6:06
Speaker 3: Was he He was not? He went more the toad
6:09
Speaker 3: route as it turns out. Oh you got to kiss
6:11
Speaker 3: a lot of frogs. Yeah, a frog he was. Tell
6:14
Speaker 3: me what did that relationship look like? When it came
6:16
Speaker 3: to the finance side of things.
6:18
Speaker 2: Very much on his terms. So he was in charge
6:20
Speaker 2: of the money, and I put my happiness and my
6:23
Speaker 2: money in his hands. I went, okay, you do it.
6:26
Speaker 2: You should.
6:27
Speaker 3: At twenty one, you were working.
6:28
Speaker 2: I was working, was still doing some of those part
6:31
Speaker 2: time jobs while at UNI. And then he said, very convincingly, look,
6:36
Speaker 2: I think maybe you should leave UNI so that you
6:38
Speaker 2: can earn a bit more money to help with the household.
6:41
Speaker 3: So I left UNI, oh yeah, and look after those
6:44
Speaker 3: kids of yours and I did.
6:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I well, I started off by working full
6:49
Speaker 2: time and then again quite convincingly, we had a conversation
6:52
Speaker 2: where he said, I think it would be best if
6:54
Speaker 2: you actually didn't work at all and you can just
6:56
Speaker 2: do all the run around with the kids, pick them
6:59
Speaker 2: up from school, all those bits and pieces outside of school.
7:02
Speaker 2: And I said, okay, And I did know.
7:06
Speaker 3: Is that like looking back when that was positioned to you,
7:09
Speaker 3: Because like for some women, and like all power to them,
7:12
Speaker 3: for some women, being a stay at home mum is
7:14
Speaker 3: the dream. Yeah, Like you know, you might position it
7:16
Speaker 3: to someone and be like, hey, you know, you the
7:18
Speaker 3: love of your life has two kids. I might be like, Victoria,
7:20
Speaker 3: that sounds incredible, Like I want to have twenty kids,
7:23
Speaker 3: and that's just a starting point. And tell me about
7:27
Speaker 3: your mindset, because like I'm getting the vibe that you
7:30
Speaker 3: probably loved the kids absolutely.
7:31
Speaker 2: But definitely did. And I kind of saw like a
7:35
Speaker 2: little bit of like, gosh, don't we have a bit
7:37
Speaker 2: of a sound of music than going on here? Like
7:40
Speaker 2: we all get along, we all love each other. It's
7:42
Speaker 2: a beautiful family. Like, I'm so happy. Okay, whatever you say.
7:47
Speaker 3: So when he suggested that you don't work anymore, was
7:49
Speaker 3: that a red flag? Was it something you were like,
7:52
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, he's so supportive of me, Like what
7:55
Speaker 3: was your mindset?
7:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, didn't see it as a red flag and didn't
7:58
Speaker 2: really tell anybody that he sort of and there's a
8:01
Speaker 2: lot of this, a lot of me not acknowledging his
8:04
Speaker 2: role in things. And I just went okay, and that
8:07
Speaker 2: was that with work for a bit. So did the
8:10
Speaker 2: stay at home stepmother think for a little while, and
8:14
Speaker 2: then decided to do a bit of study online because
8:17
Speaker 2: I thought, well, what if, what if I can actually
8:20
Speaker 2: get somewhere with these studies that iky she's still switched
8:23
Speaker 2: on in the background, and he tried, and yet again
8:27
Speaker 2: that didn't actually end up happening. So I started some
8:31
Speaker 2: studying studa, needing some money, and also at that time,
8:34
Speaker 2: my grandparents were both very unwell and both ended up
8:38
Speaker 2: passing away.
8:39
Speaker 3: Oh no, that's like being kicked while you're down. Nobody
8:42
Speaker 3: deserves that. I'm so sorry.
8:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's okay. Look, it's all part of this journey
8:47
Speaker 2: of life and I loved them so much, and I
8:49
Speaker 2: gave up a lot of time to be with them,
8:51
Speaker 2: So I was very grateful to have that opportunity.
8:54
Speaker 3: But yeah, of course you were.
8:55
Speaker 2: It meant that Uni fell by the wayside to stop.
8:58
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know, life does sometimes get in the way,
9:02
Speaker 3: but it looked like it wasn't the life part that
9:05
Speaker 3: was getting in the way, because yes, it's a privileged
9:07
Speaker 3: to be able to spend time with them, but like
9:10
Speaker 3: in the background, your relationship was would you say, crumbling
9:14
Speaker 3: at that point?
9:15
Speaker 2: Definitely. So this is where and others who have been
9:18
Speaker 2: in similar situations probably can feel that understanding of how
9:23
Speaker 2: things can snowball without you realizing. Yeah. So he was
9:28
Speaker 2: very much spending a lot of money on himself. He'd
9:31
Speaker 2: buy new vehicles, and he was frequently going to the
9:35
Speaker 2: movies on his own and going on weekend trips away
9:37
Speaker 2: with the boys, movies.
9:38
Speaker 3: On his own with two kids. Like he was just
9:41
Speaker 3: leaving the kids with you and popping off to the movies. No, like,
9:45
Speaker 3: hey babe, I want to go on a date with you.
9:48
Speaker 2: No, No, off to the movies, off to get massages.
9:51
Speaker 3: That was just like after hours.
9:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, he wanted massages. He was working as a trade,
9:56
Speaker 2: so he needed a lot of you know, care he did,
10:00
Speaker 2: of course he did princes. So this is then how
10:04
Speaker 2: it starts to sort of snowball that I'm going, okay, well,
10:07
Speaker 2: actually I'm not getting anywhere. You know. The whole time
10:10
Speaker 2: we rented and I was like, we need to have
10:12
Speaker 2: a plan to get a house and do something here.
10:16
Speaker 2: And those conversations were ones that he would be like yeah, yeah,
10:20
Speaker 2: great and never do anything about. And what I found
10:23
Speaker 2: started to happen more was that I was sacrificing more
10:26
Speaker 2: and more and more, and he was doing more and
10:29
Speaker 2: more and more instead. So I ended up not really
10:32
Speaker 2: doing anything. I wouldn't go out, I wouldn't see people,
10:34
Speaker 2: wouldn't buy things that I needed.
10:36
Speaker 4: Oh.
10:38
Speaker 2: I just ended up staying home all of the time.
10:41
Speaker 2: And the situation with UNI and the situation with money
10:46
Speaker 2: started to really really weigh on him, and so he
10:49
Speaker 2: decided that I needed to work for him. I needed
10:52
Speaker 2: to do his work and go and help make his
10:56
Speaker 2: life easier because I wasn't understanding the value of money.
10:59
Speaker 3: Excuse me.
11:00
Speaker 2: So I ended up working for him like as a trade,
11:04
Speaker 2: as a trade, and I would go and not get
11:06
Speaker 2: paid sorry, what so I'm not getting paid, I'm not
11:09
Speaker 2: getting super I'm helping him, I'm making his life easier,
11:13
Speaker 2: because I haven't been making his life easy in his eyes,
11:17
Speaker 2: I've been a drain on him. As it started to
11:19
Speaker 2: become known to me and I accepted this, I just went, oh, obviously,
11:24
Speaker 2: like we're not getting anywhere, and it's my fault. It's
11:27
Speaker 2: my fault. No, it's not. And at the time, at
11:31
Speaker 2: the time, I believed.
11:32
Speaker 3: It all of course, because like it's insidious, like yeah,
11:36
Speaker 3: it just it creeps into every part of your life,
11:39
Speaker 3: and it makes you question who you are and even
11:41
Speaker 3: what your own values are, and like even the thoughts
11:44
Speaker 3: that you're having, you're like, oh, that's not kind of me.
11:46
Speaker 3: Even though you are on the right track. When you
11:49
Speaker 3: start to question yourself, you're like, hey, something's not right here.
11:51
Speaker 3: And then you're thinking on the flip side, you're like,
11:53
Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm so mean for thinking that of him.
11:56
Speaker 2: And I love him so much, and he's exactly and
11:59
Speaker 2: he clearly loves me. He's like, yeah, he wants what's
12:01
Speaker 2: best for us, you know. And even to this point,
12:05
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have thought that this was even abusive. At
12:07
Speaker 2: this point in time, I was like, no, he's really reasonable.
12:11
Speaker 2: And then the money strain started to become worse, and
12:15
Speaker 2: he decided again, I wasn't really valuing money. I was
12:19
Speaker 2: working for him, and I'm not really contributing.
12:22
Speaker 3: So it got to a point, well, yeah, because you're
12:25
Speaker 3: making me work for free for you, because it.
12:27
Speaker 2: Was making his life easy. His job was physically easier
12:29
Speaker 2: because I was carrying materials and cutting things and doing
12:33
Speaker 2: all the trading stuff crazy. But then I ended up
12:37
Speaker 2: having to buy this. This is a weird part of
12:40
Speaker 2: the story. There's two more weird parts.
12:42
Speaker 3: I'm ready, I'm strapped in for the.
12:44
Speaker 2: Typed in for the weird things. So it got to
12:47
Speaker 2: a point where again I'm being reminded all the time
12:50
Speaker 2: constantly that I'm not valuing money. I'm not good with money.
12:53
Speaker 3: No, of course not.
12:54
Speaker 2: What do women know?
12:56
Speaker 3: No, so we don't know anything. Please help us.
13:00
Speaker 2: His solution to this was that I had to get
13:03
Speaker 2: my own refrigerator and it had to live in the
13:06
Speaker 2: back room, and that was where I needed to keep
13:09
Speaker 2: my food so I could eat separately from the family
13:12
Speaker 2: and start, you know, finding a way to save more
13:15
Speaker 2: money because I wasn't earning money money. I'm working for him.
13:19
Speaker 3: Sorry sorry backtrack, Yes, go he made you go and
13:22
Speaker 3: eat in the garage on your own, out of your
13:25
Speaker 3: own fridge because you were eating family resources and you
13:28
Speaker 3: weren't part of that family. Yeah, yeah, I had my
13:32
Speaker 3: own friend and do you know what, And like, it
13:33
Speaker 3: doesn't blow my mind that he could convince you this
13:35
Speaker 3: was a good idea.
13:36
Speaker 2: Like, it's crazy looking back, looking back, it's.
13:39
Speaker 3: Not crazy what I was. None of this is. It
13:41
Speaker 3: is manipulative, That's what it is. It's manipulation to its core,
13:46
Speaker 3: like and the core was rotten.
13:48
Speaker 2: Oh, so rotten. And so it's crazy to get to
13:52
Speaker 2: that point and be like, oh, everything this person saying
13:54
Speaker 2: is so reasonable, Like it's not.
13:56
Speaker 3: That's what you're thinking though, And I just I really
13:58
Speaker 3: want to validate that because I just know that someone
14:01
Speaker 3: is listening to this being like, oh, that's not what
14:03
Speaker 3: happens in my relationship, but they're drawing parallels to a
14:06
Speaker 3: different thing that their partner is making them do. Going
14:08
Speaker 3: hold on, is that a red flag? Yes, babe, it is. Yeah,
14:11
Speaker 3: it is a red flag.
14:14
Speaker 2: And it's I think part of it is that you're
14:16
Speaker 2: so busy putting out little spot fires every day that
14:20
Speaker 2: you can't see that the whole forest is on fire
14:22
Speaker 2: around you.
14:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you were probably trading on eggshells this entire
14:25
Speaker 3: time when he made that suggestion that you get your
14:29
Speaker 3: own fridge and you have your own food. How did
14:32
Speaker 3: you respond?
14:32
Speaker 2: Okay?
14:34
Speaker 3: Internally, were you thinking, Okay, that's crazy, or were you like, okay,
14:37
Speaker 3: I guess like I'm such a burden, Like what was
14:39
Speaker 3: the narrative?
14:40
Speaker 2: I think I knew deep down that it was wrong
14:43
Speaker 2: because I knew that I couldn't tell anybody.
14:46
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's a big one.
14:47
Speaker 2: Like I knew that it had to be hidden.
14:49
Speaker 3: Like if you feel like you can't tell a friend
14:51
Speaker 3: because you're scared of what they'll say, that's something that
14:55
Speaker 3: we should probably be a little bit concerned about, right, Yeah.
14:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think keep it hidden, keeping it in my
15:01
Speaker 2: own little heart and in the back room, and all
15:03
Speaker 2: of these things meant that I knew that it was wrong,
15:06
Speaker 2: but I was so you know, concerned about fixing things.
15:10
Speaker 2: Things felt wrong, but I needed to fix it, and
15:12
Speaker 2: it was me that had to do it.
15:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I mean, in those moments, things do feel wrong.
15:17
Speaker 3: You can't put your finger on what it is. At
15:19
Speaker 3: that point, because you've been so manipulated, you're like something's cooked.
15:23
Speaker 3: He if something's not right, you're right, I don't feel right.
15:25
Speaker 3: Then when they suggest something else, you just agree because
15:29
Speaker 3: you're like, well, maybe this will fix it. You're right,
15:30
Speaker 3: Maybe maybe this is the Yeah, maybe this is the solution.
15:34
Speaker 3: And I'm so silly, like I wouldn't understand what's going
15:36
Speaker 3: on because I'm just a girl.
15:38
Speaker 2: I'm just a girl, and I'm just trying to say
15:41
Speaker 2: for a little part, and I'm so sorry, it's okay,
15:44
Speaker 2: Like I mean, it's not what he did was not it's.
15:46
Speaker 3: Not okay, But you look like you are thriving and
15:48
Speaker 3: we're not getting to that part yet.
15:50
Speaker 2: It was there.
15:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, So tell me a bit more. Like, once we've
15:54
Speaker 3: got our own fridge in the garage, we're eating our
15:56
Speaker 3: own fruit. How did you organize that? Because you didn't
15:58
Speaker 3: have any money to stock the fridge?
16:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't, So I started selling things online. I
16:04
Speaker 2: would just find things around the house, some of my
16:07
Speaker 2: old clothes and things like that, and I'd sell it.
16:09
Speaker 3: And that's what we're stocking the fridge.
16:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it was like basics, we're talking like a
16:14
Speaker 2: bag of rice like that's what I'm getting, like, and
16:17
Speaker 2: that's what I would beating, like tuna rice like Russians basically.
16:22
Speaker 3: And to draw a comparison, what was he having inside?
16:26
Speaker 2: He was a big fan of like really fancy whiskey
16:30
Speaker 2: and meat. He was like a Ron Swanson, and so
16:34
Speaker 2: he would spoil himself with steaks and he would make
16:37
Speaker 2: what he would refer to his meat salads, which were
16:40
Speaker 2: pretty foul, which were just different types of meat salad
16:44
Speaker 2: salad which was just like different meats cooked together. And
16:47
Speaker 2: I mean that wasn't appealing to me anyway, but.
16:50
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, no no, no, no, no no, no, like
16:52
Speaker 3: it was sorry meat salad. Tell me, tell me more
16:54
Speaker 3: about these, like he was just talking random meat just
16:57
Speaker 3: me or like was it meats?
17:02
Speaker 2: No? It was like yeah, different cuts of steak in
17:04
Speaker 2: a frying pan, and then he would eat that, which
17:07
Speaker 2: is just really appealing even to talk about alone.
17:11
Speaker 3: To see still with this man, Oh, I'm what was
17:15
Speaker 3: I doing? No no, no, no, no, queen, I don't
17:18
Speaker 3: judge you at all. I judge him. And the more
17:21
Speaker 3: gloss you give, the like more I've got. But so
17:24
Speaker 3: he's inside literally eating steak with his kids, and I
17:27
Speaker 3: were selling your clothes, selling anything you could find so
17:30
Speaker 3: that you could afford rice. Yeah, yeah, and keeping it
17:33
Speaker 3: all to not see this as a problem. He did
17:34
Speaker 3: not see this as abuse.
17:36
Speaker 2: He saw me as the problem. Like we weren't getting
17:39
Speaker 2: anywhere financially, we weren't getting anywhere, like together emotionally, we're
17:43
Speaker 2: getting further apart, funnily enough. And it was my fault
17:47
Speaker 2: because it had to be it couldn't be his fault.
17:49
Speaker 2: And I remember saying to him at times when it
17:51
Speaker 2: felt like, Okay, things are not good. It's starting to
17:53
Speaker 2: not feel good here. Look, maybe we should talk to somebody,
17:57
Speaker 2: Maybe we should actually seek some therapy or health. Oh.
18:00
Speaker 3: He would not have liked that.
18:01
Speaker 2: He didn't want to. No, I don't need to change.
18:03
Speaker 2: I don't need to change.
18:04
Speaker 3: He was, you're the problem, money, darist, you're the problem exactly.
18:08
Speaker 2: So I went alone.
18:09
Speaker 3: Well, you still wait out myself.
18:11
Speaker 2: See it still kills me.
18:12
Speaker 3: You're like looking up how to save your relationship in
18:15
Speaker 3: your situation, and you're still seeing this is something that
18:18
Speaker 3: can be fixed. And he's there being like, I'm not
18:21
Speaker 3: even willing to work on this.
18:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. He started to just become I mean he
18:25
Speaker 2: was obviously quite self centered, but the whole focus for
18:28
Speaker 2: him was what he needed to do and to achieve.
18:32
Speaker 2: And so the next thing that kind of happened that
18:35
Speaker 2: ended up being more of the catalyst for the actual
18:37
Speaker 2: breakdown of the relationship was that he woke me up
18:41
Speaker 2: one day and said, letting you know, me, my parents,
18:45
Speaker 2: and my brother, we've all put in an offer on
18:47
Speaker 2: a property on a block of land. We're all going
18:49
Speaker 2: in on that. So we'll send you the paperwork. So
18:51
Speaker 2: you need to sign up, you need a.
18:52
Speaker 3: Job to do that. Sorry?
18:54
Speaker 2: What? And so I was woken up.
18:57
Speaker 3: To that, and I was quite on hold on this
18:59
Speaker 3: is just like in the morning, he comes in and
19:01
Speaker 3: shakes you awake.
19:02
Speaker 2: Wake up, tells me that and then leaves, and I'm
19:05
Speaker 2: like half awake.
19:07
Speaker 3: What how old are you at this point?
19:09
Speaker 2: I must have been about thirty four?
19:10
Speaker 3: Still baby? Kind of We just wait, I'm thirty four.
19:14
Speaker 3: I'd like to still be baby at that point.
19:17
Speaker 2: So yeah, then that was a whole situation where he had,
19:22
Speaker 2: without talking to me about it at all, had decided
19:25
Speaker 2: with his parents and with his brother that they were
19:28
Speaker 2: going to buy a block of land and it was
19:31
Speaker 2: going to be worth ten million dollars in a decade.
19:33
Speaker 2: They all believed this. It's going to be an investment.
19:36
Speaker 2: So we're all going to put in on this block
19:37
Speaker 2: of land together.
19:38
Speaker 3: So there's an asset out there that's going to be
19:40
Speaker 3: worth ten million dollars. And like, I don't mean to
19:42
Speaker 3: take a stab in the dark, but I'm pretty sure
19:45
Speaker 3: this man wasn't buying like a five million dollar property
19:48
Speaker 3: so it can double in value in ten years, which
19:50
Speaker 3: would be somewhat reasonable.
19:52
Speaker 2: No, it was like an eight hundred and fifty thousand dollar,
19:57
Speaker 2: very rural block of land.
19:58
Speaker 3: They're nice, We taught them that. Who made them think, oh,
20:02
Speaker 3: this is going to be worth ten meal? I'd like
20:03
Speaker 3: to talk to them about.
20:05
Speaker 2: They decided so obviously. Yeah, Like, so question that, which
20:10
Speaker 2: is what I did. I questioned that funnily enough.
20:12
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, honey, that's a terrible idea. Yeah.
20:16
Speaker 2: I was like, hang on, firstly, don't we have our
20:19
Speaker 2: own plans and intentions with buying our own home. Isn't
20:22
Speaker 2: that something we don't know we're not doing that? Also,
20:25
Speaker 2: surely this is something to be communicated before we put
20:29
Speaker 2: in an offer together. No, apparently not one would think.
20:32
Speaker 2: And so I said look, I would like to be
20:36
Speaker 2: very reasonable about this. I'd like to understand why we're
20:39
Speaker 2: doing this decision.
20:40
Speaker 3: And you're asking me to sign something, ask me to
20:42
Speaker 3: sign this.
20:42
Speaker 2: Let's do some due diligence. And we caught up together
20:45
Speaker 2: with the family and they told me, well, you've spent
20:48
Speaker 2: time studying and you haven't really been contributing to the household.
20:52
Speaker 2: You owe him, you owe him. You've come from a
20:55
Speaker 2: bad family, which is inaccurate. They said, actually a lot
20:58
Speaker 2: of horrible things about my family. And I was like,
21:04
Speaker 2: this is really not okay, but okay, I guess I
21:08
Speaker 2: need to do this thing because he seems to really
21:11
Speaker 2: want this, and so I got on board with it.
21:16
Speaker 2: I said okay, and we put in an offer for
21:20
Speaker 2: a block of land.
21:22
Speaker 3: And to do stop. So it got to office state
21:25
Speaker 3: to do this.
21:26
Speaker 2: The family didn't have much, so the brother sold his
21:31
Speaker 2: car to put down his part of the deposit.
21:33
Speaker 3: Stop and all just terrible financial decisions.
21:37
Speaker 2: Being a little bit of what my husband at that
21:41
Speaker 2: time had had, he had bought himself a caravan and
21:44
Speaker 2: a really fancy raptor, and he was like, maybe my
21:49
Speaker 2: parents can take over the payments of these things. So
21:51
Speaker 2: we look better financially. So they agreed to do that,
21:56
Speaker 2: and this had all happened before it even got to
21:58
Speaker 2: that morning.
21:59
Speaker 3: What did this meant? He was a trade But what
22:01
Speaker 3: like kind of income was this man making, Like most
22:05
Speaker 3: tradees earn anywhere between one hundred and two hundred thousand dollars.
22:09
Speaker 2: Definitely not that much. So his whole situation with his money,
22:12
Speaker 2: which I always sought to try and understand but he
22:14
Speaker 2: was never very very clear with me about, was that
22:17
Speaker 2: he didn't pay himself a wage. It was all one
22:19
Speaker 2: lump sum of business money that he could pick out
22:21
Speaker 2: of for his movies and massages and things.
22:23
Speaker 3: No, that's not how it works. Yeah, that is not
22:25
Speaker 3: how it works.
22:25
Speaker 2: And when when we first got together, the conversation I
22:29
Speaker 2: had with him was like, oh, are you paying superannuation
22:31
Speaker 2: and things?
22:31
Speaker 3: And he said no, yes, Queen, good question.
22:33
Speaker 2: She said, no, I'm not doing that. I was like, oh,
22:35
Speaker 2: you need to, you need to do that.
22:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you were looking after him, and you were like,
22:39
Speaker 3: I'm trying to put you in a good financial position.
22:41
Speaker 2: We all need to be doing this. And he said, oh, okay,
22:44
Speaker 2: I'll set that up. And he never did.
22:46
Speaker 3: No, of course he did it.
22:47
Speaker 2: Of course he did it. So we get to this
22:48
Speaker 2: point of this whole block of land that we're all
22:51
Speaker 2: just so thrilled to get and the offer falls through.
22:56
Speaker 2: Oh wow, that's crazy easy, because it turns out the
22:58
Speaker 2: brother has all of this step and all of these
23:01
Speaker 2: outstanding child favorites that he needs to be doing, and
23:05
Speaker 2: so no, we can't have this block of land.
23:08
Speaker 3: But it was the brother's fault, not yours.
23:09
Speaker 2: Thank god it wasn't my fault, which was really great
23:13
Speaker 2: because I was getting into a really really really bad
23:16
Speaker 2: situation with putting in that offer on that block of land.
23:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you would have been anxious but feeling like
23:21
Speaker 3: you couldn't back out, and you would have been the
23:22
Speaker 3: devil if you did. Thanks brother for pulling one out.
23:26
Speaker 3: It turns out you're just as toxic as your brother is.
23:29
Speaker 2: And I didn't know his financial situation. The broker actually
23:32
Speaker 2: told us, like wrote it in an email and said
23:34
Speaker 2: these are the reasons you can't get this block of land.
23:38
Speaker 2: And it was this amazing broker and I was like,
23:40
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, thank you. I needed to hear this.
23:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you know what, this would have been twisted
23:44
Speaker 3: into being your fault again.
23:47
Speaker 2: And then that was the breaking point. That was the
23:50
Speaker 2: breaking point. And not long after that, he got into
23:54
Speaker 2: an argument with me one night because he'd lent the
23:56
Speaker 2: caravan out to somebody and I didn't know where it
23:59
Speaker 2: had gone, and I said, I would really like to
24:01
Speaker 2: know these things. And then he started yelling at me,
24:05
Speaker 2: and I said, is there a reason why you're yelling
24:07
Speaker 2: at me? And he said, because you're worth yelling at,
24:11
Speaker 2: and I said, I.
24:12
Speaker 3: Just I just know nobody is worth yelling at.
24:16
Speaker 2: I just remember feeling really still and silent, and then
24:18
Speaker 2: I just went I'm done.
24:20
Speaker 3: And I, oh, my god, like, I'm so sorry someone
24:24
Speaker 3: said that to you, because that is disgusting, but I'm
24:26
Speaker 3: so glad. He said something that pushed the right buttons
24:30
Speaker 3: in you, that said, no, actually, that's it, that's it.
24:33
Speaker 3: I'm done.
24:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was done. There'd been so much that had
24:36
Speaker 2: gone on to have gotten to like such a bad point,
24:39
Speaker 2: and he said that, and I was done. I was done.
24:43
Speaker 3: So in this moment, were you saying, well, I'm done
24:47
Speaker 3: or were you just in the background making some plans
24:49
Speaker 3: and having some thoughts but you just decided for yourself
24:53
Speaker 3: that was where we were going.
24:54
Speaker 2: I didn't know I was done until I said the words.
24:57
Speaker 2: I kind of just said it without it was like
24:59
Speaker 2: an out body or you spat it. Ever, I'm done.
25:02
Speaker 2: And then I just remember like shaking, and I just
25:05
Speaker 2: grabbed some things and I got in the car and
25:07
Speaker 2: I just went to my parents.
25:08
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm so proud of you. That's so big.
25:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, and what happened?
25:14
Speaker 3: You get to your parents and your parents would they
25:16
Speaker 3: like we saw this coming money diarist or were they
25:19
Speaker 3: like this came out of nowhere?
25:21
Speaker 2: Like they knew things weren't right. They did not know
25:24
Speaker 2: the extent because I'd been hiding so many hid and
25:27
Speaker 2: I had been cutting myself off from people, so they
25:31
Speaker 2: just didn't know how bad things were. But I started
25:34
Speaker 2: to share a little bit more and more and more,
25:37
Speaker 2: and increasingly they were like, you can never go back.
25:41
Speaker 3: You just can't go back. Yeah. It's like when you
25:44
Speaker 3: finally tell your mum something and you can't go back.
25:47
Speaker 3: It's like if I tell my mum something like if
25:50
Speaker 3: I like go oh, Like it was like in high
25:52
Speaker 3: school if I was like, oh so when SO said
25:54
Speaker 3: this about me, and my mom would be like, Victoria Vine,
25:56
Speaker 3: she's not a very nice girl, should not hang out
25:58
Speaker 3: with her. I'm like, well, can't now told my mom
26:00
Speaker 3: about you?
26:01
Speaker 2: No vack seats now, no vaccines.
26:03
Speaker 3: My mom hates you.
26:05
Speaker 2: Exactly.
26:06
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you're starting from scratch. You've just moved in
26:09
Speaker 3: with your.
26:10
Speaker 2: Parents, unemployed, with my parents. I've got my dog and
26:14
Speaker 2: I've got my car.
26:16
Speaker 3: That's what you need in life, honestly, that is all
26:19
Speaker 3: you need in line, But you're probably in a hole emotionally.
26:22
Speaker 3: I was broken and financially.
26:24
Speaker 2: Financially I didn't have much super at all. I didn't
26:27
Speaker 2: have any savings. I had my dog, and I had
26:30
Speaker 2: some stuff. Most of my stuff I just left, and
26:34
Speaker 2: I was like, well, what do I do now? And
26:36
Speaker 2: so it took a little while, definitely of I don't know,
26:40
Speaker 2: licking my wounds a little bit, and kind of coming
26:42
Speaker 2: to terms with just how bad it was. I don't
26:45
Speaker 2: think I had even realized when I left just how
26:47
Speaker 2: bad it was. I needed to kind of come to
26:49
Speaker 2: terms with that. So I then thought to myself, Okay,
26:53
Speaker 2: I need a job. I need a job so bad.
26:56
Speaker 2: And I started applying and I got the first job
27:00
Speaker 2: I could, which is the job I'm currently doing.
27:02
Speaker 3: Oh congrats, Yeah, yeah, so I got this so let's
27:06
Speaker 3: move into that. What do you do for work? How
27:07
Speaker 3: much money do you earse?
27:08
Speaker 2: So I'm a course consultant for a university. It's quite all,
27:12
Speaker 2: very cool job. It's okay, it's quite entry level. I
27:15
Speaker 2: get seventy K a year for my salary with a
27:19
Speaker 2: little sprinkling of commission in there.
27:21
Speaker 4: Oh good.
27:22
Speaker 2: And it's a hybrid job, which is good because my
27:25
Speaker 2: parents live pretty far away from the city in the office,
27:28
Speaker 2: so it takes me two hours to get to the office.
27:30
Speaker 2: Oh my god, but that's part of what I'm doing
27:33
Speaker 2: to kind of make ends meet.
27:34
Speaker 3: How many days a week are you traveling into the
27:36
Speaker 3: city to go to work? Two days a week? Okay,
27:38
Speaker 3: so like frustrating. Not the end of the world, but
27:41
Speaker 3: just not sustainable forever.
27:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, not sustainable forever. And would like to do more
27:48
Speaker 2: than just sort of what is kind of a call
27:51
Speaker 2: century role?
27:52
Speaker 3: Got girlfriend, You are destined for so much more. Look
27:54
Speaker 3: at this, look at this attitude, like this is just
27:57
Speaker 3: the beginning.
27:58
Speaker 2: It has to be.
27:59
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is, it doesn't have to be. It is
28:02
Speaker 3: like the only place we can go is up true, true, true, true.
28:06
Speaker 3: So so you're still living at your parents, which is
28:08
Speaker 3: a bit of a money win, it is.
28:10
Speaker 2: And so initially I thought, well, okay, great, I'm going
28:13
Speaker 2: to just get my own little rental or share place
28:16
Speaker 2: and I'm going to move out, and that will be
28:18
Speaker 2: what I need to do to kind of end up
28:20
Speaker 2: feeling like a grown up for once in my life.
28:22
Speaker 2: And then I had conversations with my parents and with
28:26
Speaker 2: some friends that I made up this new job, and
28:29
Speaker 2: I thought, actually, I'm in a position here of saving
28:33
Speaker 2: some money, you one hundred percent, and this could be
28:35
Speaker 2: my chance to actually get a place.
28:38
Speaker 3: It is, and if other people are living at home
28:40
Speaker 3: and they are not making hay while the Sunday shining, guys,
28:42
Speaker 3: what are you doing? Yeah?
28:44
Speaker 2: So I was like, hey, Mom and Dad, I'm gonna
28:47
Speaker 2: have this little chit chat with you. What do you think?
28:50
Speaker 2: And they were so on board with me staying here
28:53
Speaker 2: and saving and I love them so much and I'm
28:56
Speaker 2: so grateful for them.
28:57
Speaker 3: And they're not charging you rent or anything.
28:59
Speaker 2: Pay board. I okay, you know, help out a lot.
29:02
Speaker 2: So yeah, they don't charge me a lot. They're like, no,
29:05
Speaker 2: you're going to save and you're going to get on
29:07
Speaker 2: your own two feet and we're going to make this work.
29:09
Speaker 3: For you, so goodness, they must be so proud of you.
29:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so, I think so.
29:14
Speaker 3: So what does board cost each week?
29:16
Speaker 2: Only one hundred dollars a week?
29:17
Speaker 3: Okay, good deal, And honestly, you couldn't rent out a
29:20
Speaker 3: place for that. But it's also about like creating these
29:23
Speaker 3: habits and feeling like you're contributing as well, Like this
29:26
Speaker 3: is perfect And honestly, I know you said, oh I
29:28
Speaker 3: earned seventy thousand dollars. The fact that you're at home
29:31
Speaker 3: and you're able to save, like you would be saving
29:34
Speaker 3: at least twenty or thirty thousand dollars each and every
29:37
Speaker 3: single year. So your seventy thousand dollar job is probably
29:40
Speaker 3: worth like one hundred right now, with the fact that
29:42
Speaker 3: you don't have overheads and bills and all of that other.
29:46
Speaker 2: Stuff, exactly exactly right.
29:48
Speaker 3: Money win.
29:49
Speaker 2: I've got no debts. I've got like a hextet from
29:52
Speaker 2: the attempted studies. That's fine, and that's the only dead
29:55
Speaker 2: I have. My cars she's a little older, she's like
29:57
Speaker 2: ten years old, but she's still going exactly what we want.
30:01
Speaker 2: And I don't have any debts, so I can just
30:03
Speaker 2: save and it's good.
30:06
Speaker 3: I can't so what's your big money goal. What are
30:10
Speaker 3: we currently working towards. Is it buying our own house
30:12
Speaker 3: because you've got that fifty k deposit.
30:14
Speaker 2: I want my home. I want my nice, little, peaceful
30:17
Speaker 2: little home all to myself.
30:18
Speaker 3: Oh, queen, you are going to get there, and I'm
30:20
Speaker 3: so excited about it. Yeah. Tell me what is it
30:24
Speaker 3: like now having come out of that relationship. How far
30:27
Speaker 3: out of that relationship are we? Oh?
30:29
Speaker 2: It is in the dust. That is so far behind me.
30:32
Speaker 2: And I'm not like anti men or anti love or
30:36
Speaker 2: anti anything like that, but for the time being, I
30:39
Speaker 2: am so pro me and.
30:41
Speaker 3: I'm just going to do my own Queen, That's what
30:43
Speaker 3: I want to hear.
30:44
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, So it's been so good. I'm healthier and
30:49
Speaker 2: happier than.
30:50
Speaker 3: I ever was. She's thriving. All right, let's go to
30:53
Speaker 3: a quick break and on the flip side, I'm gonna
30:55
Speaker 3: ask you a few questions about your investments. I want
30:57
Speaker 3: to know a little bit more about that hex debt,
31:00
Speaker 3: and then we're going to talk personal insurances and best
31:02
Speaker 3: and worst money habits. So guys, don't go anywhere money drest.
31:09
Speaker 3: We are back and I feel like we've caught you
31:11
Speaker 3: at the best time, Like, you're at the start line
31:14
Speaker 3: of what is going to be an incredible journey. But
31:17
Speaker 3: you don't have any debt. You're just building up your savings.
31:20
Speaker 3: You've got fifty thousand dollars saved already towards your dream house.
31:24
Speaker 3: What does life look like now in comparison, Like, do
31:27
Speaker 3: you look back and go, I don't know that girl?
31:29
Speaker 3: Do you look back and go, oh, my goodness, I
31:30
Speaker 3: want to give her a hug, Like, what does it
31:33
Speaker 3: look like when you reminisce oh.
31:35
Speaker 2: I think the idea of hugging her sounds really impactful
31:38
Speaker 2: to me. The idea of just being able to reassure
31:41
Speaker 2: her that it's going to be okay and in fact,
31:43
Speaker 2: she can trust herself more than she can trust anybody.
31:47
Speaker 2: I think that's the lesson I've proven to myself by
31:49
Speaker 2: getting to her.
31:50
Speaker 1: I have now.
31:51
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's crazy. And to come out of a fourteen
31:53
Speaker 3: year relationship like my queen now, lots of people take
31:57
Speaker 3: a long time to come out of that. Sometime it
32:00
Speaker 3: takes multiple times leaving and then coming back and leaving.
32:05
Speaker 3: But you kind of like slaid it in the first go.
32:07
Speaker 3: You were just like, by the way, I'm out and
32:09
Speaker 3: he probably thought you were coming back. Did you get
32:13
Speaker 3: that vibe?
32:13
Speaker 2: I think you probably assumed like, she'll be back, it's
32:16
Speaker 2: not a problem. And there was no real attempt from
32:18
Speaker 2: him to sort of try and fight me, like come
32:20
Speaker 2: back and argue you or anything.
32:22
Speaker 3: He knew you were better off. Yeah.
32:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, we all knew in the end.
32:27
Speaker 3: And what has that looked like because you obviously would
32:29
Speaker 3: have had a relationship with his kids.
32:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's been the toughest thing because I have
32:35
Speaker 2: so much love for them and I don't really see
32:38
Speaker 2: them anymore. And that was a choice that they made.
32:41
Speaker 2: And you know, I'm never going to undermine you know,
32:44
Speaker 2: their dad, parents and their life, and I'll always be
32:47
Speaker 2: here for them. But it was a big part of
32:49
Speaker 2: that grief during that time, was that letting go.
32:53
Speaker 3: Yeah, that would have ruined you, like that would have
32:55
Speaker 3: just been like heartbreaking. But at the same time, I
32:59
Speaker 3: feel like my brain goes immediately too. They would have
33:02
Speaker 3: only seen the narrative that was fed to them by
33:04
Speaker 3: that person that manipulated you. So that makes a lot
33:07
Speaker 3: of sense.
33:08
Speaker 2: To me exactly. So I'm always here for them no
33:10
Speaker 2: matter what.
33:11
Speaker 3: But you're so wholesome.
33:15
Speaker 2: There's been a lot of grief in hur there definitely,
33:17
Speaker 2: and I'm a lot better than I was.
33:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, wow, you are a strong woman like that would
33:23
Speaker 3: have been so challenging.
33:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it was.
33:26
Speaker 3: So let's talk a little bit about investments. Yeah, like
33:29
Speaker 3: you said that she's on the money, it's been a
33:31
Speaker 3: little bit of part of the journey. And so therefore,
33:33
Speaker 3: if you know about she's on the money, you would
33:35
Speaker 3: absolutely know about investing and know how important I think
33:37
Speaker 3: it is do you invest?
33:39
Speaker 2: If so, what in I do invest? So well, of course,
33:42
Speaker 2: you know, there was a time when Victoria Devine came
33:44
Speaker 2: into my life and love me, it's you. And it
33:48
Speaker 2: was amazing because I got to a point where I
33:51
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, so much of my life has been
33:53
Speaker 2: out of my control and I've got this job, and
33:56
Speaker 2: what can I control while I'm staying at my parents?
33:59
Speaker 2: And I decid, I did it with my money. I
34:01
Speaker 2: want to focus on my money and really build habits
34:04
Speaker 2: and really understand it more like, really develop my literacy
34:08
Speaker 2: with it. So Victoria Devine came into my life and I.
34:11
Speaker 3: Well, it sounds really boring, right, Like if I say
34:13
Speaker 3: the words financial literacy, you think, oh, she's pointing out
34:16
Speaker 3: my books pen But if I say financial literacy, that
34:20
Speaker 3: sounds so dry. Yeah, but it's the power and the
34:24
Speaker 3: empowerment behind that. I wish it was a sexier word.
34:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't sound sexy, but it really feels sexy
34:31
Speaker 2: to be like I know what I'm doing, Like I
34:33
Speaker 2: know what this means.
34:35
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. And you can say no to anything, any situation,
34:40
Speaker 3: any place, any person that you want to be like Catcher,
34:44
Speaker 3: you can.
34:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. So in getting Victoria Divine into my life
34:49
Speaker 2: and she's on the money, I started investing and I
34:52
Speaker 2: got Charees Ease of Course, and it is so user
34:56
Speaker 2: friendly and really cute. And I started investing in a
35:00
Speaker 2: few little ETFs and I've got about three thy two
35:06
Speaker 2: hundred saved at the moment in my own portfolio.
35:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, And what's the plan there, because obviously you are
35:11
Speaker 3: aggressively saving for a house as well. Is that the
35:14
Speaker 3: priority or is that just something they're like me that's
35:16
Speaker 3: ticking away on the side, and then once I get
35:19
Speaker 3: my house, I'm just going to like set it up.
35:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's on the side, Like my main goal is
35:24
Speaker 2: getting my own place, getting my own little home, but
35:27
Speaker 2: I want it to be doing it's a little compounding
35:30
Speaker 2: and doing. It's a little thing. So I do a
35:34
Speaker 2: little bit in there. At a time, I was building
35:37
Speaker 2: up my emergency fund at the same time. So I've
35:39
Speaker 2: got my emergency funds.
35:40
Speaker 3: You do, I do?
35:42
Speaker 1: I do.
35:43
Speaker 2: It's like she's a baby one, She's only four K,
35:45
Speaker 2: because I'm like.
35:46
Speaker 3: You don't need anything more, right, grand.
35:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, which is really helpful to have. And so
35:52
Speaker 2: it's there. And then I've got my shar's portfolio. Just
35:55
Speaker 2: a little bit every so often, you know, I put
35:57
Speaker 2: in a bit every fortnight.
35:58
Speaker 4: Yep.
35:59
Speaker 2: My salary soacrifice because I'm playing catch up on my super.
36:03
Speaker 3: I was about to ask about your superhers. You didn't
36:05
Speaker 3: work for a period of time there, and you also
36:08
Speaker 3: told your ex partner that that was a priority, and
36:11
Speaker 3: he never took you seriously, so clearly you know what
36:13
Speaker 3: was up from the start.
36:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, I knew that it mattered. I didn't really understand
36:19
Speaker 2: everything about it. So I in reading your books and
36:22
Speaker 2: in listening to the podcast, I was like, oh my gosh,
36:26
Speaker 2: high growth get in there. So I started moving my
36:29
Speaker 2: super into high growth and making sure it was doing
36:33
Speaker 2: the thing it needs to do, and salary sacrificing a bit,
36:35
Speaker 2: So that's one hundred dollars a week salary sacrificing that
36:39
Speaker 2: goes in there, just to kind of play that catch
36:41
Speaker 2: up and then even build upon it from there.
36:43
Speaker 3: Crazy. I love that. I'm so excited about that for you,
36:47
Speaker 3: and just you've always known You've always been on the
36:50
Speaker 3: right track. Yeah, talk to me about this X step
36:52
Speaker 3: because that's from you starting university and then not finishing it.
36:57
Speaker 2: That's right.
36:57
Speaker 3: There are a fair few people in our community who
36:59
Speaker 3: are started you need degrees, have the debt from it,
37:02
Speaker 3: but haven't finished the degrees, and it kind of feels
37:04
Speaker 3: trashy because you're like in paying back this stuff that
37:06
Speaker 3: I'm never going to use. Yeah, it's talked to me
37:09
Speaker 3: about that.
37:09
Speaker 2: It's a really weird thing because obviously I understand with
37:11
Speaker 2: hex how it works. It's like a nicer debt to have.
37:14
Speaker 2: It's like it's just there, but it is there, and
37:17
Speaker 2: I'm aware of it. And I think the big thing
37:19
Speaker 2: that I'm aware of with it is that it's sixty
37:22
Speaker 2: thousand dollars. It is that hasn't led to anything because
37:25
Speaker 2: I don't have a qualification.
37:27
Speaker 3: Could you return? Would you return.
37:30
Speaker 2: Such a good question. I have been approved for a course.
37:34
Speaker 2: Stop it's a financial planning course, Victoria.
37:38
Speaker 3: Stop it. We're going to get you. We're going to
37:40
Speaker 3: get you to the dark side.
37:42
Speaker 2: I really want to do even more. And I think
37:45
Speaker 2: I've learned so much about how empowering it is to
37:48
Speaker 2: just be a female figuring out money, being able to
37:52
Speaker 2: manage it. And there's so much to be done there.
37:55
Speaker 2: And your space has been so inspiring.
37:57
Speaker 3: And lovely, so much oh my whole all right, If
38:01
Speaker 3: you're into financial planning, you probably know a lot about
38:04
Speaker 3: personal insurances as well and how important they are. Do
38:07
Speaker 3: you have personal insurances set up?
38:09
Speaker 2: I don't, and I know so I've got, you know,
38:13
Speaker 2: the little basic, little superannuation ones that are there, and
38:16
Speaker 2: I don't think I'm in the best super fund, but
38:18
Speaker 2: I don't want to cut and run because I've got
38:20
Speaker 2: those basic little insurances there. So I've got that there.
38:25
Speaker 2: Personal insurance. I was thinking about setting up, especially income insurance,
38:30
Speaker 2: once I get a little bit closer to getting my place.
38:33
Speaker 3: Once I get to do I think that's pretty reading. Yeah,
38:37
Speaker 3: that was my thought, especially if you're leaving at home,
38:39
Speaker 3: Like I'm not saying that that's what you want forever,
38:42
Speaker 3: but at the moment you're really prioritizing things. Maybe I'd
38:45
Speaker 3: start the conversation of understanding what that would look like,
38:48
Speaker 3: especially while you are as young as you are, because unfortunately,
38:52
Speaker 3: the older we get them more likely we are to
38:54
Speaker 3: experience a significant health event. But I would probably be
38:59
Speaker 3: doing it exactly what you're doing, let's be honest.
39:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I saying. I'm like, I don't really
39:03
Speaker 2: have any assets to protect at the moment, but definitely
39:06
Speaker 2: when it gets to the point where I feel a
39:08
Speaker 2: little bit braver and I'm ready to spend my deposit
39:11
Speaker 2: on a place, then I will be.
39:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, out brokers make sure. Like that's a conversation that
39:17
Speaker 3: I feel bad when I say force, but like I'm
39:21
Speaker 3: the boss of the business, and I say that the
39:23
Speaker 3: team has to do it, so I feel like they're
39:25
Speaker 3: forced to do it. Is mentioned to our clients that
39:28
Speaker 3: that would be a really good idea, because I'm like,
39:30
Speaker 3: I don't want them to have never had this mentioned
39:32
Speaker 3: and then something happens and they can't pay their mortgage, Like.
39:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, especially the income insurance, like that idea of protecting
39:40
Speaker 2: like and I let that from you, Like the idea, Oh,
39:44
Speaker 2: my gosh, I do need to protect that because if
39:46
Speaker 2: I don't have an income, then what exactly?
39:49
Speaker 3: And most of us do not have lifestyles that would
39:52
Speaker 3: be supported by es centralin income like, and I don't
39:55
Speaker 3: think that's a bad thing to say, but like, most
39:58
Speaker 3: of us are spending beyond that moment. And yes there
40:01
Speaker 3: are some fantastic government supports if something went wrong, but
40:05
Speaker 3: we'd have to strip back a lot, we'd have to
40:07
Speaker 3: give up the dream of owning property, and income protection
40:11
Speaker 3: is probably going to stop that from happening and make
40:13
Speaker 3: sure that life can still be exactly what you wanted
40:15
Speaker 3: it to be. Yeah, and that can be a hard
40:17
Speaker 3: pill to swallow sometimes too. Yeah, definitely, right money dirist,
40:21
Speaker 3: I feel like you've probably got some really good money
40:23
Speaker 3: habits that put me to shame. So what do you
40:25
Speaker 3: think your best money habit is?
40:27
Speaker 2: My first money habit. I just think I'm a bit stingy,
40:30
Speaker 2: like I do things like you know, I work in
40:32
Speaker 2: the office two days a week. I'm not taking in food.
40:36
Speaker 2: They've got some cereals there. I eat cereal for lunch, like, Okay.
40:40
Speaker 2: I will save money however I can, especially because I
40:44
Speaker 2: feel like I'm playing catch up and I want to
40:46
Speaker 2: get somewhere with my money. Mad respect for that though, Yeah,
40:49
Speaker 2: I'm very strict with my budget, Like I do have
40:52
Speaker 2: money I put aside for my fun money. I've got
40:54
Speaker 2: a Magic and Mayhem account. So Magic is my spending money.
40:58
Speaker 2: Mayhem is my emergency fund.
41:00
Speaker 3: That's amazing. Yeah, Magic and Mayhem sounds so fun exactly.
41:05
Speaker 2: So that's what I've got. And so I've got a
41:06
Speaker 2: little bit of money in my magic fund. And if
41:09
Speaker 2: I spend that in the week on whatever, fine, Otherwise
41:12
Speaker 2: it gets saved, and that goes towards like maybe a
41:14
Speaker 2: little trip or something in the future. I don't know.
41:17
Speaker 3: That's how I manage it as well, except I've started
41:19
Speaker 3: referring to that money as fairy money or because like
41:23
Speaker 3: it's a bit magic, right, they were on the same page,
41:25
Speaker 3: because I'm like, well, the fairies would buy me a
41:27
Speaker 3: coffee out, why didn't they? And it's just a little
41:30
Speaker 3: bit whimsy in a period of time where I feel
41:32
Speaker 3: like money does not feel whimsy.
41:34
Speaker 2: We need the whimsy.
41:35
Speaker 3: Definitely, money darist On the flip side, what's your worst
41:38
Speaker 3: money habit?
41:39
Speaker 2: That's a good question, I think with where I'm at now,
41:42
Speaker 2: I do have certain like fears about spending money.
41:45
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like there's real.
41:46
Speaker 2: Hesitancy, and I think that comes definitely from my experience,
41:50
Speaker 2: of course it does. So like I've got this deposit,
41:54
Speaker 2: it's in a high interest savings account, it's sitting there,
41:56
Speaker 2: and I want to get my own place, but I'm like, oh,
42:00
Speaker 2: it's a big little leap for me, So I've got
42:02
Speaker 2: to kind of get a little bit of that braverism
42:05
Speaker 2: on board and get on with it. But I do
42:07
Speaker 2: find that I can be quite reluctant to spend money
42:10
Speaker 2: on the things that do matter and the things I
42:12
Speaker 2: do need.
42:12
Speaker 3: But that's very self reflective. I don't think that there
42:15
Speaker 3: are a lot of people who come out the other
42:18
Speaker 3: side and so openly say, yeah, I'm actually a little
42:21
Speaker 3: bit traumatized from my situation, and therefore I'm pulling back.
42:25
Speaker 3: Like I feel like that's something that it won't be easy,
42:28
Speaker 3: but something that you can definitely work through. Maybe it's
42:30
Speaker 3: about talking to more friends and family about it, or
42:33
Speaker 3: it might be even seeing a therapist. But I do
42:35
Speaker 3: think these are things that need to be worked through
42:38
Speaker 3: because I want that home buying journey for you to
42:41
Speaker 3: be magic, not mayhem, but like I want it to be,
42:45
Speaker 3: you know, a little bit whimsy. I don't want you
42:47
Speaker 3: to be stressing, Like I want you to be able
42:49
Speaker 3: to pick up the phone to your broker and be like, guys,
42:51
Speaker 3: I found the one like and they accepted my offer.
42:54
Speaker 3: And that should be nothing but pure excitement. And right now,
42:57
Speaker 3: I feel like if you picked up the phone and
42:59
Speaker 3: said I've been exc did you would be crying on
43:02
Speaker 3: the floor because that feels so overwhelming.
43:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we don't want to put you.
43:06
Speaker 3: In that situation. This should be magic.
43:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's it. The focus on magic and whimsy,
43:11
Speaker 2: I think is it's all I want in life now.
43:13
Speaker 2: I just want to have a little, peaceful, magical, whimsical
43:16
Speaker 2: little life. And that's what I want my money to
43:18
Speaker 2: help me with.
43:19
Speaker 3: Stop it. I love that so much. Now, this person
43:22
Speaker 3: that I've been talking to crazy cool, like really big
43:26
Speaker 3: money goals has started investing, has kicked a douchebag to
43:29
Speaker 3: the curb after fourteen years, like sorry, what a queen?
43:33
Speaker 3: And she thinks she's a bee? Yeah I do?
43:36
Speaker 2: I think you know I'm aware of Okay, I'm not
43:39
Speaker 2: going to dis.
43:39
Speaker 3: Agree that what would it take to get to a
43:41
Speaker 3: because like right now, what I'm seeing ain't the bee
43:44
Speaker 3: that you're seeing.
43:45
Speaker 2: I think it's the things like personal insurances and maybe
43:50
Speaker 2: I don't know. I just got to work on that
43:52
Speaker 2: self confidence too.
43:53
Speaker 3: I think I will help there. I will try my hardest,
43:56
Speaker 3: But at the end of the day, I think you're
43:57
Speaker 3: a weapon. Like this is so cool, and I'm just
44:00
Speaker 3: so glad that we got to cross paths. And you know,
44:03
Speaker 3: it's not a story that I want to be talking
44:06
Speaker 3: about because I hoped that these stories weren't still happening
44:09
Speaker 3: in twenty twenty six, But by sharing it in you
44:13
Speaker 3: being so generous with your time, and I know that
44:16
Speaker 3: would have taken a lot of energy as well. I'm
44:18
Speaker 3: just so grateful because there is someone in our community
44:21
Speaker 3: that just listened to this and it's kind of like
44:23
Speaker 3: that additional little red flag in the back of her
44:26
Speaker 3: head that goes, hold on, hold on, this isn't feeling good.
44:29
Speaker 3: Maybe maybe I'm in a similar situation and helps direct
44:32
Speaker 3: them where they need to go. If someone has listened
44:36
Speaker 3: to this episode and is feeling really overwhelmed but they
44:40
Speaker 3: can't put their finger on it, what would you say
44:42
Speaker 3: to them, Oh.
44:43
Speaker 2: It's a big one to answer. Because I think, like
44:47
Speaker 2: I've referred to it as a journey multiple times in
44:49
Speaker 2: this conversation, I think, and it is a journey. You
44:52
Speaker 2: can only truly be ready when you are ready. And
44:55
Speaker 2: for me, it was that moment when I was like
44:56
Speaker 2: I'm done.
44:57
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it was like your subconsciously you know that
45:00
Speaker 3: you were done, as opposed to you consciously making that decision. Yeah.
45:04
Speaker 2: But I think to get to a point where I
45:07
Speaker 2: was really putting my happiness and money in the hands
45:10
Speaker 2: of somebody else and being like, Okay, do whatever you
45:12
Speaker 2: want with those really important things, I think that's something
45:16
Speaker 2: to question. And I hope that no one else is
45:19
Speaker 2: going through something similar. But if you are, just listen
45:22
Speaker 2: to yourself, listen to your guart, and if it feels
45:25
Speaker 2: like something that has to be a little bit of
45:26
Speaker 2: a secret, maybe there's a reason that it's a problem.
45:29
Speaker 3: Yeah, my heart, Well, thank you so much for sharing
45:32
Speaker 3: so much of you, so much of your journey with us,
45:35
Speaker 3: because I just know it's putting someone else in a
45:37
Speaker 3: good position, or it's helping people understand that these things
45:41
Speaker 3: do happen. Like there's nothing worse than finding out that
45:45
Speaker 3: a friend is going through that and not knowing how
45:47
Speaker 3: to tackle these conversations, or not having like a little
45:50
Speaker 3: tool kit to go, oh my gosh, like I can
45:52
Speaker 3: help you here, here and here, just knowing that the
45:55
Speaker 3: one thing that really helped you was putting your finances
45:57
Speaker 3: first and starting to build from there.
46:00
Speaker 2: We can all do that, we can, we can, We've
46:03
Speaker 2: got this.
46:04
Speaker 3: I love this money Direstid has been an absolute pleasure.
46:07
Speaker 3: Thank you for sharing.
46:08
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for absolutely everything.
46:16
Speaker 4: The advice shared on She's on the Money is general
46:18
Speaker 4: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's
46:22
Speaker 4: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should
46:26
Speaker 4: not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.
46:29
Speaker 4: If you do choose to buy a financial product, read
46:32
Speaker 4: the PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial.
46:35
Speaker 3: Advice tailored towards your needs.
46:37
Speaker 4: Victoria Divine and She's on the Money are authorized representatives
46:41
Speaker 4: of Money. Sheper Pty Ltd ABN three two one six
46:45
Speaker 4: four nine two seven seven zero eight AFSL four five
46:49
Speaker 4: one two eight nine