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What Men Really Think About Dating After 50 · My Sexy Menopause Body

• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome back to my sexy menopause body.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: And today is going to be a little different.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_03: And I think you're absolutely going to love it.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: My husband Joe is joining me to give us a man's perspective on dating after 50.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_03: We're talking about what it really feels like to start over, what men are actually looking for at this stage of life.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's interesting.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_03: And what women may misunderstand about men and the emotional side of dating that actually nobody talks about.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_03: Because dating after 50 is not just about profiles, pictures, chemistry, or who texts you first.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_03: It's about courage.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's about trust.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_03: It's about walking into this part of your life with your heart open and your standards intact.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: And a little more compassion for yourself and the person, of course, sitting across from you.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_03: So let's have this conversation.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for joining me, honey.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: I appreciate you being here.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: So I want to start from the beginning.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_03: So I know women are always nervous jumping back into the dating pool.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but what's it like?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_03: What was it like for you getting back into the dating after several years of being married?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, it it you know, I mean, there was an excitement, of course.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's um a little bit of apprehension, you know, for me.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, it was uh around 50 uh when I went through my divorce.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I I think um I uh you know it I I think you're excited, but I think um once you get out there it starts to become a different experience.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: And and you meet other people who have been through some stuff at this stage in life.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, you have to begin to navigate that.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: I I think for me, you know, a big part of it was stopping and saying, because I'm a marketing guy.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and if I have a marketing campaign or a program that's not working, right, the first thing I want to do is dig into it and go, why is it not working?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I went through the divorce, I was like, okay, I'm a common denominator, I've got to own my part.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: And what was it that wasn't working?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I mean, I I took a year to really kind of figure out a year and stuff, yeah.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then then I think um once I went through that, um, then I then I thought I was really ready to date.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: And but I you know, I think, you know, and I've I've had I've heard this before, it's like you gotta fix yourself first.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that makes sense.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: And everybody everybody has to be fixed.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: And and if you go through a divorce, you you can't sit and go, uh, it's everything's the other person's fault.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's 50-50.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta own what's yours.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yep.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: Figure that out, and if you don't figure it out, then you're gonna carry the exact same thing forward.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_03: And to the next relationship.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: Next relationship.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're talking about 50 plus dating, yeah, the runway's getting a little shorter, right?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: So you you want to do it, you want to do it right.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, you know, and of course it depends on your goals.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know, do you want to get married again?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Or do you just want to date, you know, and and trust me, I mean, post 50, there's a lot of people out there just looking to relive their twenties again.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's true.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not necessarily a great thing if if you're not that person.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to kind of discern which is which when you go into it.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you you just brought up a really good point, and that's something that I wanted to ask you anyway, was think can think back when you were dating in your twenties and thirties.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_03: I mean let's talk about the difference between then and what it was like now or when you were going through your dating at that point.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Completely different.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's a totally different animal, right?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you're in your 20s, you probably don't have kids yet.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: You're right.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: And and you know, I think um you you've got a lot longer runway.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: Your career is probably in its early stages, things like that.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of discovery to do, a lot of adventure.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think when you're 50 plus, for example, right, you probably at minimal have some kids in college.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you might have kids out of college, things like that.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: You might even have kids that are married and have grandkids.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_04: Ah, that's true.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Not our case.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: No, but you know, you you might have that.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so are there some complications.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: So when people talk about blending families, a lot of times they're thinking in that 30, 40 something range where the kids are all young.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: It gets a lot more complicated when the kids are adults.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: It does.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, these are fully formed adults with opinions and all that kind of thing.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Opinions, right.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: They've been through some stuff as well.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_05: Of course.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's a totally different apple.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, and and and I think the the other part too is be because you're you're going, okay, I'm 50 plus, the runway's a little bit shorter.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: I need to make a smart decision.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: Goes back to don't want to make another mistake.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_03: You don't want to make another mistake.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: You you and a lot of times you can't either emotionally, financially, or whatever that is, you know, and or or just with your kids alone.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_03: Don't want to make it a good thing.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: Dad went through it again, mom went through it again, and that kind of stuff.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: That's a really good point.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_03: All right, so let's I know one of the questions that people have asked is like, what are at this stage, what are men looking for in this stage of life?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I think um, you know, for those of you old enough to remember the cartoon Inspector Gadget, right?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think you've got to do a little bit of Inspector Gadget or Inspector Cluzo.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I think once you figure out your own stuff, and and a lot of times when you do that, you start to identify then what would be red flags when you meet somebody.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: After I went through and and unashamedly, I was never a fan of counseling.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: I I got connected to a counselor through a guy at church who's a really good friend who said, Go go talk to our guy.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so I went and talked to the guy, and I told the guy right from the beginning, I think counseling is a bunch of BS.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you get paid$300 an hour to say, how does that make you feel?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: And and he laughed and he goes, So you're a guy that wants a plan, and I said, I want a plan.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so he goes, Well, let's talk a little bit and then I'll give you the plan.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: So we talked and he goes, eight sessions.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, In eight sessions, you'll figure out what my issue is.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: And he goes, No, I already know your issue.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna take you eight sessions to figure out your stuff.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so you're a good therapist.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you just great therapist, and so it it changed my view of therapy and all that kind of stuff.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so as we went through it, it was this great discovery.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: And once I figured it out, I was like, it was like, man, it just slayed me that day.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'll never forget sitting in in his office and just going, You've got to be kidding me.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: It was that simple and that complex.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so I learned that I was a fixer.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, uh, and so you know, you go out on dates and stuff like that, and all of a sudden, I I would see for myself if somebody needed to be fixed, yeah, or normally that might have been attractive to me because I wanted to ride on the horse and fix everything, all of a sudden I go, Yep, nope, not for me.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm looking for healthy, I'm looking for this, I'm looking for somebody that has their stuff together, I'm looking for somebody that is an independent person, you know, and and and somebody that's caring and has a great heart.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: So I I had gone through this process.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Uh um a friend of mine had said, draw up a hundred things that are your what you're looking for.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: And you feel kind of stupid when you do it.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's a hundred's a lot.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's a hundred's a lot.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: After a while, you're going, okay, what else?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: But then you narrow that down to what are your top two or three that really because you know, I mean, you can make the list so extensive that you know you're never gonna meet anybody.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know, because you're talking about creating this perfect person that just may not exist.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, but you gotta figure out what those deal breakers are.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so once I did that, then I had a criteria, I had a game plan.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: Now, with all that said, because my early career was in television, I love meeting people.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love stories.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I I would sit down on those first days and just say, tell me your story.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: What's your story?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, it's it's fun to hear and engage and figure out the journey somebody else has been on.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: At the same time, that's true, you know, on a discovery journey, and it's a two-way street, probably.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, of course.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: That that all of a sudden you go, you know what?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe this isn't isn't gonna be the right path for me.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so I had a lot of one-off dates.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, great, great, great people that I met, some of them I'm still friends with, you know, and and I've seen them go on to meet people, and that's super encouraging.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but just not, you know, the the right person for me.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I really think that your point about taking a year off is very valid for many people.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_03: And look what you did within a year.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that was a really constructive year or time period for you.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: So Oh gosh, I'm I remember one day I went out on and and super lady, but in the course of the conversation, you know, I mean, she said she's divorced, but they're still living in the same house together in different rooms, and I was just like, Yeah, no, I mean you may be divorced on paper, but you haven't gone through that process.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: You haven't, you know.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I think for me, you know, I hadn't been alone in a long time.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I I needed to be alone.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: I needed to take care of business on my own.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I kind of needed to get my stuff together.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: And and you know, for me, dating was a 10-year journey.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I mean friends and people at work would always say, Tell me your latest dating story, because you know, I mean, y you go out on enough dates, you you meet all kinds of people, and some of it's funnier than others, and and look, I'm probably the subject of several of their stories, but you know, it it's it's an interesting journey.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, you know, I think you have to make sure you're in a great place.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Then you kind of have a plan going forward, a strategy.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, where what and and the great thing about putting things down on paper, my dad, uh God love him, you know, whenever he said you're gonna make a big decision, he goes, it's really simple.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Get out a a yellow notepad, eight and a half by eleven, draw a line down the middle, put pros on one side, cons on the other, and he goes, as you begin to map it out, he goes, it's not like there's any great revelation, but it helps you sort it out in your head, and then by the time you get done, you've come to the conclusion on your own.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I I used to do it with my kids as well, too.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, actually that's brilliant if you think about it, because the answer is right in front of you.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_03: You just kind of relax, you draw your little pros and cons and ask the question and just really think about it.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_03: Give yourself a really an honest.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, sometimes we we have friends in our lives that'll tell us that.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Now they're not around all the time.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, guys, I always joke about I mean guys have two or three friends, they can not see each other for five years and then all of a sudden see each other or pick up the phone.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just like it was yesterday.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's the way guys work that's nice.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: That's the way guys work.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I I I think it's a little different for women, you know, there's a lot more engagement and things like that.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, for men, that's you know, that that's kind of the way it is.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, I think going forward then you you become a lot more focused.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if you if if you're telling yourself those things that a friend would typically tell you, yeah.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: My best friend's a guy named Van.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: I've known Van for 40 years, and Van is the guy that will just call me out.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: You know, he he's you need a good friend like that.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta have a friend like that.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: And and you gotta be a friend like that.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_04: That's true.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you just tell somebody what they want to hear, it the scenery's never gonna change.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_05: No.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: But if you have a friend that really cares about you, a friend that loves you, they're gonna tell you the truth, but you have to be willing to accept it.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_03: Right, and I think that's also a huge uh learning point at this point of life when you start dating again is that you've got to take or listen to what other people say to you as well.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and to really understand what you're what you're going through.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_03: Like if you're on a date with somebody and you feel that there's some something's wrong in your gut, you get this feeling that something's wrong.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: Like you you had mentioned the red flags.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I think a lot of people don't really, you know, pay attention to those red flags.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you you if you don't do the work first, yeah, then you're gonna wind up in the same situation ten years down the road.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're going through it again.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, you know, when after I had been through it, um, I was like, uh number one, I don't want to go through this again.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: And and I do want somebody if it's the right person.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: And and you know, for me, part of that was the spiritual journey.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because there's very much there was the emotional part, but there was there was the physical part, you know, because because you you the stress you go through and the changes and all that kind of stuff.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: But then there's the spiritual side to it.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and and for me, I had to get to a place where one, I was really good being alone.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: I remember really right before I met you, and I I mean I've been dating for almost 10 years, I got to a really good place where I was just happy being myself being with myself.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: I was happy being alone.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, that that can be good and bad sometimes.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even get too happy, but I'm not set in my ways.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: I was just at peace.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember where I was sitting in the living room of my old house, and it was like, you know what, God, if it's just me and you the rest of the way in.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm content with that.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's because really that's all I need.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then the second part of that was really, you know, a prayer of God make me into the man that you need me to be in order to meet the woman that you have in mind.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I think when you have two people, you know, and and again, this is very much the the spiritual side of it, that are both praying similar things.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: Then then that's that's where something kind of cool happens, right?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's where the magic happens, right?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, you hear the phrase it's a God thing.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know, th those are the undeniable things where God had a hand, and I think, you know, that was what it was when I met you.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: Was that kind of that kind of connection because it just caught it?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_03: It w it absolutely did.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_03: So thinking back during your 10 years of dating, what do you think is the biggest thing that women misunderstand about men at you know, after 50 in dating?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_03: Because I mean, think about it.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: If people like you said, um have been either through a loss or through a divorce, uh, they find themselves in this position again.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: And then, you know, everyone has these preconceived ideas of what it's gonna be like, but sometimes it's not that way.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_03: So what do you think women?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think you can be a mind reader.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: I I I think that's a good one.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good idea.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: I think you know when you when you when you look at the two sexes, women are very intuitive.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, men not as much.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: A little more, but not as much.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, those are those are different giftings, I think.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: And and so, you know, I think um you know, men, I I I I mean the circumstances are different for everybody, right?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: But I think there are there are probably a subset of men who just want to go out and relive their twenties and hang out with their other buddies who've been divorced and and and and you know, l live live it up and do whatever they want to do, right?
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: Then I think there are others who are a little bit more serious and and would like a meaningful relationship and like like to get to a place that they couldn't maybe in a previous um marriage or relationship.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, I think um those are kind of the two parts, you know.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: I remember my dad, after my mom died, you know, I think it had been about five years.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we're talking about people in their 80s, you know.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: My dad was so funny, but yeah, he because he was lost about my mom, but when he got in the dating world, that there's there's this phrase in the senior centers, and it's they're looking for, and and the phrase goes like this they're either looking for a nurse or a purse.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, I I think um right.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_05: Oh my gosh.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Now that's a whole segment of dating.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's another episode we could create that into.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, I think that's great.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think you have to look at people's motives, their intention, their heart.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I don't I don't know that you can necessarily categorize it.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there are guys, you know, freshly had a divorce, they just want to have fun day, yeah, live it up, and that kind of stuff.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: Conversely, they're a woman like that too.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, right?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's a dual thing, but then I think, you know, once that newness wears off, then it's like, where do we go from here?
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and and some people are content with never getting in another relationship again.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, depending on a lot of different circumstances.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: But, you know, I think that's where I mean, dating's critical, right?
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's not just about going out and having fun.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: You're also kind of understanding whether or not that person is somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember, you know, when you and I dated when when things began getting really serious, I said, look, this is where I'm at.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_05: Right.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, remember when Cortez came to the new world, he was like, We're burning the ships.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: This thing's gonna work.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so I knew going into this relationship that and and you did too.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we were both aligned that divorce wasn't an option.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: We were gonna, and hopefully we didn't wind up like one of those dateline episodes, right, where all of a sudden one of the spouses is buried in the backyard.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: Divorce wasn't an option, but Bob's buried in the backyard next to the next to the magnolia.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: But but no.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_03: You should go out there and ticket CB is out there.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I go out and check the dirt every once in a while.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, I think um for us it was like, okay, I think, you know, I I knew we were both in a great place.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like we're gonna make this commitment and we're gonna go for it.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: And and I think our our kids have seen that because if your listeners haven't haven't heard or don't know, I mean, we've got five kids together plus a beautiful daughter-in-law.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, blending a family that at that time ranged from what was it, about 19, 20 years old, that's right.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh 30-something.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_02: Something, right?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so, and it and it's just been the coolest thing.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's been incredible.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: They all hang out independently now together and all that.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: But do a siblings trip and get togethers and things like that, which is incredible.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like that.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: But even they needed to see the commitment, they needed to see that we had it figured out and that we had a plan going forward, and and that's that's that's been a a deal, a deal for them.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I also, you know, a role model.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_03: We have to, you know, we are whether we want to or not, which I'm glad we are, good role models for our our kids.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_03: Because I want them to see.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean that I mean you you do.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we do.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: I think the older I've gotten, the more I've learned that parenting, you know, there's not a manual, you do the best you can, and and all that kind of stuff, like our parents did.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: And and we were you and I were both very fortunate because we had parents that were married for 60 some odd years.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: So it was just uh the bar was set pretty high.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I have one more question for you.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_03: Um let's see if I okay, good.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry, a little technical difficulty there.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so what makes you, I mean, let's say you I have one last question, really.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_03: When you went on your first aid, what made you think about seeing that person again?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_03: What was it?
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you know, if the police weren't called and you know, nobody, you know, I'm just kinda kind of kidding, of course.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I think you're just looking for a connection.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: And and it's really get to know you.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you won't be surprised.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, dating after 50, I mean, the there can be some pretty aggressive men and women out there, and that first date just kind of goes off the charts.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you you you're not gonna learn any anything about somebody like that.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it really takes some time and and a lot of thoughtful conversation.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and and look, you know, I mean, I think um pre just you look at at dating and it's for me it's almost like going to a meeting, right?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: In terms of you need to make sure you've got some questions you want to ask.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: You don't want to go home and say, I wonder what they think.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I wish I would have asked that.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, you you don't want to seem like you're Cross-examining.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_03: No, it's like a job interview.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I think in the progression of dates, if you notice each other several times, you know, you want to have a basic understanding who they are, how they think.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_03: And do they align with yours?
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and it's not it's not like these critical question and answer things, right?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: The the the spotlight on somebody's head and they're sweating and perspiring and all that kind of stuff.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: And uh and all that.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's really more about just having those conversations and kind of understanding are we in the ballpark?
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I think you answered some incredible questions today.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_03: That and and the other good news is that you said you're gonna continue to do some episodes with me, right?
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, look, I'm taking a risk here having my wife asking me about dating before we got together.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: So you know, this is a slippery time.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_03: I'm learning a lot too here, as so as our listeners are, but um well, thank you for being with me here today.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm looking forward to our next episode together.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_03: But um for all of you, I hope that today's conversation really did um give you a little more compassion and some curiosity and and more hope.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_03: Because, you know, obviously dating under 50 can feel awkward and vulnerable, like Joe was saying, exciting and confusing, but yet beautiful all at the same time.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, like you said, maybe the invitation is not to have it all figured out.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe the invitation is to basically stay open and honest and remember that both men and women are actually often trying to be you know understood.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: Put in the self-work.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_03: Put in the self-work, right?
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_03: That's the thing for today.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's worth the time, it's worth the effort, you know, and and and you you play the long game.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I I talk to people at work that are on my team that are younger, and I saw play the long game.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, don't just look at the short, play the long.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, I think when when you think about um being at this stage in life and dating or whatever stage you're in and dating, play the long game.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: The long game begins with some work at practice.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you know, when you see the tennis championship on television, what you don't see are the long hours of practice and all the other sports and things like that.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: So play the long game, put in the work, it's worth it.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_03: That's a great note to end on.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_03: So until next week, keep believing that this season of life really does has you know a lot for you.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: It has surprises, it has some connection, and obviously laughter and love.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_03: Obviously.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_03: And of course, it has a lot of sexy in it too.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_03: So it does, it certainly does, yeah.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_03: All right, until our next episode.
• 25:02
  unknown: Thank you all for listening.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's a whole new beginning.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is your time to own your power.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: Rewrite the rules and show up unapologetically because sexy doesn't expire.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: You define it.