Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 627: Why Your Ex Wants You But Won't Come Back

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Episode 627: Why Your Ex Wants You But Won't Come Back · The Art of Love With Lucia

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  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
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  This week I want to talk about why your ex wants you but still
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  won't come back. Sometimes an ex isn't contacting
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  you, but it doesn't mean they don't want you.
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  They may want you, but they are still not coming back, even
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  though they're viewing your social media or asking friends
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  and family about you. Or maybe they're even texting
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  you or calling you, but they refuse to come back.
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  YOY. Well, stay tuned and you'll find
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  out. But first I want to welcome back
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  my beautiful no contact army. If you have not already done it,
• 0:41
  be sure to download my app Silencio.
• 0:43
  It will help you to stay in No Contact, and you can find the
• 0:47
  link to that underneath every single video and podcast.
• 0:51
  And if you too would like to join our no contact army, all
• 0:54
  you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the DL
• 0:58
  notification and you're in. And to read our manual, go to
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  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
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  you purchase the book. OK, so let's get started.
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  The first reason is trust. So they do not trust you, and
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  this may be because of infidelity, or they lost trust
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  over time and they now don't trust that you'll change or do
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  what it is that is necessary in order to have a successful
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  relationship. Maybe you drank too much or did
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  drugs, or you weren't fiscally responsible.
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  And if you're dating an avoidant, especially a
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  dismissive avoidant, it's more difficult to get them back
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  because they don't trust a lot of people.
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  And so if they did trust you and now they don't, then it will be
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  a long time before they ever trust you again.
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  If you betrayed that trust, the chances are very slim.
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  So whether your ex isn't avoidant or not, you will still
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  need to earn their trust back and make it up to them, whatever
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  it is that you did that led to them not trusting you, and
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  hopefully they'll give you a chance to do that.
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  The next reason is lifestyle or life goals don't align.
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  So let's say you want to live in different places.
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  Green Acres is the place to be. Fun living is the light for me.
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  No, New York is where I'd rather stay.
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  I get allergic smelling hay. Hopefully you know where that is
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  from. So if one of you wants to live
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  in Green Acres, wherever that is, and the other one wants to
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  live in New York, how are you going to do that?
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  Or if one of you want to have children and the other one
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  doesn't, you can't have half a child.
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  So how are you going to reconcile that?
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  Or if one of you loves to travel and wants to travel as much as
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  possible and the other one is a homebody and just wants to stay
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  at home, that's not going to work.
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  Religious beliefs. I actually recently did a poll
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  asking if someone would marry outside of their religion and
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  19% said they would not. And it's not an issue if you're
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  not going to have children, but since most people do, then what
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  are you going to do? What religion is that child
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  going to be raised in? If you're both very serious
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  about your religions, you can't say, well, both.
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  Well, nothing like confusing them.
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  So you're going to be both Jewish and Catholic or both
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  Muslim and Buddhist. So you have to consider that
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  politics. What if one of you is on the
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  left and the other one is on the right?
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  How are you going to bridge that gap?
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  And in fact one of my clients, they were dumped because they
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  were on opposite sides of the spectrum and they got back
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  together briefly, but then her ex just couldn't do it and so he
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  broke up with her again, unfortunately.
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  So unless one of you is genuinely ready to change your
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  position, then do not change your stance just to get your ex
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  back because you will live to regret it.
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  Don't say OK fine, I'll have a child if you really don't want
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  to, or OK fine, I won't have a child if you really want to.
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  So don't do it. You'll regret it.
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  And by the way, if you are finding this helpful, please
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  give this video a like so that we help the YouTube algorithm to
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  recommend it to other people. OK, the third reason why your ex
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  may still want you but not be coming back is because you were
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  needy in the relationship and you were always the one to
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  contact them if there was a fight or if there were previous
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  breakups. So they're now waiting for you
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  to contact them, even though they may have dumped you.
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  So the only way to show them that you've changed and you're
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  no longer needy and will no longer chase them is to actually
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  not chase them. Hey, you can't say to them, hey,
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  guess what, I'm no longer needy. Come back.
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  You actually have to show it through your actions and through
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  no contact. You now get to show it.
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  And they also figure they can get you back at any time, so why
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  not take a break or explore some other options while they are
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  temporarily free? The fourth reason why your ex
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  may want you but not be coming back is because friends or
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  family are telling them not to. So their friends or family,
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  they're saying, well, you know, you dumped her, you dumped him.
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  Why are you going back? Or they think that your friends
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  or family are going to give them a hard time and they're afraid
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  of that. Or they don't want to have to
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  face that, especially if they know that you're mad at them and
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  you were saying all kinds of bad things that they did to you and
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  the relationship. And now it's like, oh, oh, I
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  don't know if I'm going to go back into that situation because
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  now they know all our secrets and they all hate me.
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  So that's another reason. And then finally the last reason
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  is they are not ready for the same level of commitment that
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  you are. Let's say they just got out of a
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  long term relationship or a marriage, and understandably so.
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  They want to be casual, but you don't.
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  So don't compromise and accept casual because you're afraid to
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  lose them because you will be unhappy and you will act out and
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  you will end up losing them anyway.
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  And that's how people end up in situation ships because the
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  other person didn't want to commit.
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  So they stick around thinking eventually things will change
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  and usually they don't. And I will actually be posting a
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  YouTube short on situation Ships shortly, so make sure you
• 6:45
  subscribe so that you will see it when I do post it.
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  I'll be posting more shorts in the coming weeks and months.
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  OK, So to recap as to why your ex may want you, but it's still
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  not coming back. One is a trust issue.
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  They don't trust you. Two is different lifestyle or
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  life goals. They want to live in Green
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  Acres. You want to live in New York 3.
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  Is that you were needy and the relationship and they expect you
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  to be chasing them, so they're just waiting it out.
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  Four is friends and family, either theirs or yours and then
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  finally they are not ready for the same level of commitment.
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  So now I want to hear from you. Can you think of any other
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  reasons why an ex would want you but still not come back?
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  Please comment below. And in the meantime, if you
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  would like my help to get your ex back, contact me at
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  theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates.
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  The direct link is below every single video and podcast.
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  And be sure to check your spam folder if you don't hear from us
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  within 24 hours. And if you found this video
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  helpful, please like, subscribe and share.
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  If you're listening to us as a podcast, please rate and review.
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  And finally, remember that love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
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  enlightens.