Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 117. The Man Behind the Woman: A Deep Dive into Life with Ashy Bines (An interview with Steve Evans)

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117. The Man Behind the Woman: A Deep Dive into Life with Ashy Bines (An interview with Steve Evans) · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

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Speaker 1: Apodje Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashi
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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment and
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Speaker 1: encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic
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Speaker 1: version of yourself. We'd help you shed the shame, grow
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Speaker 1: to a new level. We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk
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Speaker 1: about the topics everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
0:28
Speaker 1: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back
0:31
Speaker 1: to another episode of She Rises. I am your host Tiana,
0:34
Speaker 1: and I have a very special guest with me today
0:36
Speaker 1: and he is the man, the myth, the legend behind
0:39
Speaker 1: ashe Ynes, which is Steve Evans. Thank you so much
0:41
Speaker 1: for coming and joining us today.
0:42
Speaker 2: Thank you for having me.
0:43
Speaker 1: Oh, it's an absolute pleasure. Our audience have been dying
0:46
Speaker 1: to know the behind the scenes of what it's like
0:48
Speaker 1: to live with Ashy, breathe with ashally, do all the
0:50
Speaker 1: things behind.
0:50
Speaker 2: The scenes trying.
0:53
Speaker 1: So I've heard she said you involuntarily just like was like, yep,
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Speaker 1: I'm ready to go.
0:57
Speaker 2: Today's there's something called me. I don't know. I just
0:59
Speaker 2: felt ready.
1:00
Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that. Love that. Well, let's get into it,
1:02
Speaker 1: shall we.
1:03
Speaker 2: Let's do it?
1:03
Speaker 1: How does it feel sharing your wife with me.
1:05
Speaker 2: It's definitely like that sometimes. But you know what, I
1:09
Speaker 2: am just so grateful she met you because your friendship
1:12
Speaker 2: has been it's just so beautiful to watch. It really
1:15
Speaker 2: brings a lot to her. So I'm really thankful for that.
1:18
Speaker 2: Oh that's so beautiful, even though sometimes I wanted to myself.
1:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like all right, so yeah that's enough.
1:24
Speaker 2: But there's also sometimes where it's like I can do
1:27
Speaker 2: my own thing because I know you've got it covered.
1:29
Speaker 2: You have such similar interests, so yeah, it's beautiful.
1:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, similar personalities, very similar, same wounds as well.
1:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, beautiful to watch.
1:36
Speaker 1: I love that. Like you guys have been together for
1:38
Speaker 1: seventeen years. I say this to Ashley all the time.
1:41
Speaker 1: I look at both of your relationship and I am
1:43
Speaker 1: so inspired by it because it's very rare and it's
1:46
Speaker 1: not very common that you see people who genuinely get
1:49
Speaker 1: better with time. You know, a lot of relationships, you know,
1:52
Speaker 1: you hear, Yes, I've been together with them for like
1:54
Speaker 1: the length of time, but it doesn't really mean anything
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Speaker 1: when they are resentful and don't like each other and
1:59
Speaker 1: get along or they're not intimate anymore. And so yeah,
2:02
Speaker 1: I would love to know, and I'm sure everyone here
2:04
Speaker 1: would love to know, Like, how has that been for
2:06
Speaker 1: you in your relationship and how have you been able
2:09
Speaker 1: to build what you have together with ashually over seventeen years.
2:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, good question. I guess you're totally right. I guess
2:15
Speaker 2: we're really committed to always growing together and there has
2:19
Speaker 2: been moments in the relationship where one person grows more
2:21
Speaker 2: than the other and we generally always have our best
2:25
Speaker 2: interests in heart and because we're always growing together, it
2:28
Speaker 2: seems to work. And you know, she's the first one
2:31
Speaker 2: to say that, you know, there's been challenging times in
2:33
Speaker 2: our relationship and I could say the same, but we
2:36
Speaker 2: always whether it's getting help you know, you're asking for
2:39
Speaker 2: advice off a counselor or if we had some great
2:42
Speaker 2: mentors over the years, which I can highly recommend, because
2:45
Speaker 2: sometimes you just need that third person.
2:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, the mediator, the.
2:48
Speaker 2: Mediator and when you're in a fight. I mean that's
2:51
Speaker 2: the breakdown to most relationships once the connection's gone in
2:55
Speaker 2: what is it the loopy of resentment?
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Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, I.
2:58
Speaker 2: Feel we get in front of it before it gets
3:00
Speaker 2: the resentment. We put a hand up if we can't
3:03
Speaker 2: resolve it. Yeah, some of those sessions are great for
3:06
Speaker 2: me to be able to express in a language that
3:08
Speaker 2: she might understand, or vice versa. I'd put it down
3:11
Speaker 2: to always being transparent and open in how we're feeling
3:15
Speaker 2: at any one time, and then also getting the right
3:18
Speaker 2: advice to love that for sure.
3:20
Speaker 1: I think sometimes I mean, I don't know because I
3:21
Speaker 1: haven't been in a seventeen year long relationship, but.
3:23
Speaker 2: To your longest relationship, oh.
3:25
Speaker 1: Like three and a half years, Yeah, it's not very long.
3:27
Speaker 1: I've got lots to learn.
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Speaker 2: I always say three years though, is that barrier said that?
3:31
Speaker 1: Isn't it like three seven?
3:32
Speaker 2: Three seven?
3:33
Speaker 1: I think people get stuck maybe in long term relationships
3:36
Speaker 1: where when it comes to having a mediator or having
3:39
Speaker 1: somebody come in for help, it's almost like all a
3:42
Speaker 1: bit of ego. Likely yeah one a third person coming in,
3:44
Speaker 1: or we can do it at bit.
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Speaker 2: You share their fights. You know they can be petty,
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Speaker 2: or you've done something wrong or some shame around it.
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Speaker 1: I could totally get that, and then having to own
3:53
Speaker 1: it as well. It would be hard, like when that
3:54
Speaker 1: person is sitting in front of you saying like, hey,
3:56
Speaker 1: you've got to look at this deeper. You're like, well,
3:57
Speaker 1: well whoa Yes, yeah.
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Speaker 2: That's sometimes it's really uncomfortable, but it's getting back to connection.
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Speaker 2: Come from a place of understanding, commune dicating in a
4:05
Speaker 2: way that's helpful. Sometimes you try to communicate, but it
4:10
Speaker 2: doesn't always come out the way you want it. Yeah,
4:12
Speaker 2: and you've got the masculine feminine dynamic as well. You know,
4:16
Speaker 2: there's so many layers to it.
4:17
Speaker 1: Something I've seen that you both do is just observation
4:21
Speaker 1: over the time that I've known you both, is that
4:22
Speaker 1: you both are willing to try new things. Yes, like
4:26
Speaker 1: within your relationship, within other areas of your life, and
4:29
Speaker 1: how I've seen you guys maneuver some things and challenges
4:31
Speaker 1: that you've been through. You're always willing to learn and grow.
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Speaker 1: And I think that is a huge thing that a
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Speaker 1: lot of people and people in long term relationships could
4:39
Speaker 1: take on.
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Speaker 2: I think in relay some relationships it can be only
4:43
Speaker 2: one person who's like that, yeah, and that causes a
4:46
Speaker 2: lot of problems.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like one person is willing to grow with
4:48
Speaker 1: the other person.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, yep. And you can see how that would get
4:51
Speaker 2: stagnant and that would cause disconnection or growing apart. It's
4:56
Speaker 2: probably a better language that people understand.
4:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like it puts a wedge in between them. It's like, oh, well,
5:00
Speaker 1: this person's now resentful because you don't want to grow
5:03
Speaker 1: and your vice versa.
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Speaker 2: And they might put up pulling them down to or
5:06
Speaker 2: instead of trying to reach up with them, they start
5:08
Speaker 2: pulling them down.
5:08
Speaker 1: And then coming back to that communication thing, like not
5:10
Speaker 1: knowing how to communicate what it is they want to
5:12
Speaker 1: get across them, and then it like making them butt heads.
5:15
Speaker 2: Yeah. One thing I love about Ash she's very forward
5:17
Speaker 2: and what she wants. Yeah, she knows what, communicates the
5:21
Speaker 2: boundaries effortlessly. She also enforces those boundaries as well, like
5:25
Speaker 2: I always know where I stand, and it's not like
5:28
Speaker 2: I don't have my own right or my own voice
5:30
Speaker 2: to be able to communicate mine as well. But she
5:33
Speaker 2: leads a lot with that. I do respect it a lot.
5:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course. This is a conversation we had the
5:37
Speaker 1: other day actually about how when either person in a
5:41
Speaker 1: relationship has a strength, why would we not want to
5:44
Speaker 1: lead our partner in that. Yeah, you know, sometimes it's like,
5:46
Speaker 1: oh I wish they could do it on their own accord,
5:47
Speaker 1: but sometimes they don't have the tools or the know
5:49
Speaker 1: how or maybe they're a little bit scared, and then
5:51
Speaker 1: being able to lead them in that is like, well,
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Speaker 1: I love this person, why would I not want to
5:55
Speaker 1: bring them with me on the journey?
5:57
Speaker 2: You know.
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Speaker 1: It's like, you know, areas you might have strengths, they
5:59
Speaker 1: might be Ashy's weaknesses, where as she has strengths and
6:02
Speaker 1: vice versa. You know, so it's like you come together
6:04
Speaker 1: and you can grow on the path together.
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Speaker 2: We have a lot of clarity like that, where her
6:08
Speaker 2: strengths and my weaknesses my weaknesses.
6:10
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I would love to know what do you feel
6:14
Speaker 1: has been over the last seventeen years the biggest lesson
6:16
Speaker 1: that you have learned with Ashy in your relationship.
6:19
Speaker 2: The thing that I've struggled the most was is alcohol
6:22
Speaker 2: and our relationship. But I had so much conditioning growing
6:25
Speaker 2: up about it was needed in my life, you know,
6:28
Speaker 2: like whether it's social interactions or connecting with peers, overcoming anxiety,
6:34
Speaker 2: all those things, and she's really taught me that that's
6:37
Speaker 2: not needed. And since I have given up drinking, it's
6:39
Speaker 2: been the best thing ever. I owe her that in
6:41
Speaker 2: our relationship. It really didn't work for our relationship, but
6:44
Speaker 2: it didn't work for me either, And I was always
6:46
Speaker 2: fighting that it was just a relationship thing, but it's
6:48
Speaker 2: really a life thing and that personal thing.
6:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it was like not just within the relationship
6:53
Speaker 1: it doesn't work, but in every other every other world. Yeah,
6:56
Speaker 1: I hate that. I think a lot of people use
6:58
Speaker 1: alcohol as a clutch, and I don't know if that
6:59
Speaker 1: has been your experience, I definitely was mine.
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Speaker 2: There's times for sure.
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Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's easy to fall into that with
7:05
Speaker 1: alcohol as well, and it could be such a slippery slope.
7:07
Speaker 1: It's cool that you guys have been able to navigate
7:09
Speaker 1: that together and over the years of kind of like
7:11
Speaker 1: learn what works your relationship and then like what parts like,
7:14
Speaker 1: oh maybe we can like go without and we can
7:16
Speaker 1: leave this behind. Yes, you know, but it's like I
7:18
Speaker 1: can see that both of you are willing in that,
7:20
Speaker 1: and it does take two people being willing to be
7:22
Speaker 1: able to move together on that journey.
7:24
Speaker 2: For sure.
7:24
Speaker 1: She's beautiful. Is there this specific lesson that you have
7:28
Speaker 1: learned because of ashi, like something that she has taught
7:31
Speaker 1: you in the time that you've been together.
7:34
Speaker 2: I really value how beautiful a friend she is. Yeah,
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Speaker 2: And it just kills me sometimes it's seen as opposite,
7:40
Speaker 2: but how beautiful a friend she is to the others.
7:42
Speaker 2: It's so inspiring to look at.
7:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, and on the receiving end of that, I can
7:46
Speaker 1: one hundred percent vouch for that.
7:47
Speaker 2: She's so giving, so selfless. She's always the first person
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Speaker 2: to bring a birthday cake or organize something for your birthday,
7:54
Speaker 2: and I just love that about her.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, she'd literally give you the shirt off her back
7:57
Speaker 1: if she had nothing, for sure. And that's the kind
7:59
Speaker 1: of friend that she is. If there was kind of
8:00
Speaker 1: like one thing that you wish people in the public
8:02
Speaker 1: eye who didn't know Ash personally, would you say that
8:05
Speaker 1: that's the thing that you would want them to know.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, she's perceived otherwise in some areas those who really know.
8:11
Speaker 2: I don't think that, but.
8:12
Speaker 1: Definitely, especially because it is more of a common thing
8:14
Speaker 1: for her to get a little bit of backlash and
8:16
Speaker 1: questioning and hate and all that sort of stuff for.
8:19
Speaker 2: Because she can't. Yeah, she can't tell her side of
8:22
Speaker 2: the story most of the time. From choice. Yeah, it's
8:24
Speaker 2: a value of hers.
8:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, she chooses not to chooses not to Sometimes that's
8:27
Speaker 1: perceived as being in the wrong.
8:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right.
8:30
Speaker 1: Like, oh, I'm going to be silent, and people can
8:31
Speaker 1: make up their narrative because she's not on the forefront,
8:34
Speaker 1: like defending herself or defending her name, and then people
8:36
Speaker 1: can run wild with the stories that.
8:38
Speaker 2: They're Yeah, that's the hardest thing is watching it from behind.
8:41
Speaker 2: But we've all got her back behind the scenes, you know. Yeah,
8:44
Speaker 2: and she's got so many beautiful people around her that
8:46
Speaker 2: love her and value her. Yeah.
8:48
Speaker 1: Absolutely. I want to come back to the question about
8:51
Speaker 1: alcohol and a little bit more about like your relationship.
8:55
Speaker 1: If you could share with everyone, maybe like one small
8:58
Speaker 1: thing or one thing that has been like the hardest
9:00
Speaker 1: challenge that you've had to overcome with Ashley in your relationship,
9:03
Speaker 1: would you say that it was alcohol?
9:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, definitely, And just the challenges of navigating life,
9:09
Speaker 2: you know, running multiple businesses, kids, you know, the extra
9:12
Speaker 2: dynamic of social media and the things that was a
9:15
Speaker 2: lot to handle professionally and as a couple individually as well, so.
9:19
Speaker 1: Coming into the public eye and having to deal with
9:22
Speaker 1: all the backlash all that attacks on like your relationship
9:25
Speaker 1: and things. Yeah, I could imagine.
9:26
Speaker 2: Yep, for sure, but personally in an intimate level, it's
9:30
Speaker 2: definitely alcohol that affected the most.
9:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, out of curiosity. Do you think the online stuff
9:35
Speaker 1: do you think that that impacted your relationship in a
9:38
Speaker 1: negative way or do you feel like that kind of
9:39
Speaker 1: bonded you guys together.
9:40
Speaker 2: I think we bonded from it. We always grow stronger
9:43
Speaker 2: in those situations. We're a really good team like that.
9:46
Speaker 2: We support each other really well.
9:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like you guys coming together and being like, wow,
9:49
Speaker 1: there's like an attack on the outside. We're going to
9:51
Speaker 1: like bond even move together. So I could imagine how easy,
9:55
Speaker 1: like I've seen it, I've seen you have seen it,
9:56
Speaker 1: very small snippet of it, and I just it blows
9:59
Speaker 1: my mind with what some people say, and because I
10:02
Speaker 1: know it so far from the truth, it doesn't make
10:03
Speaker 1: sense in my head that people say something when you.
10:05
Speaker 2: First experienced it, But once you've been through it a
10:07
Speaker 2: few times, it's kind of like a reaper. It does happen, Yeah,
10:10
Speaker 2: a lot.
10:11
Speaker 1: I guess you just deal with it and you move
10:12
Speaker 1: on with it, and you let it go and don't
10:13
Speaker 1: let it impact you.
10:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just I wouldn't say compartmentalize, but create a
10:18
Speaker 2: different meaning on it.
10:19
Speaker 1: Yeah.
10:20
Speaker 2: And the beautiful thing of always say is how close
10:23
Speaker 2: it makes us all behind it together so beautiful. Yeah,
10:26
Speaker 2: so that's what I really focus on all the time.
10:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can turn something that's so negative and like
10:30
Speaker 1: flip it into it like you alchemize it. Yes, you
10:32
Speaker 1: transmute that shit energy into like something bring beautiful. It
10:36
Speaker 1: makes you guys stronger and you guys win in the
10:38
Speaker 1: end because of it. For somebody in the public eye
10:41
Speaker 1: actually has like a lot of shit. Yeah, is it
10:43
Speaker 1: interesting to you to find that she's on one hand,
10:45
Speaker 1: wildly criticized and then absolutely.
10:48
Speaker 2: Adored, Yes, one hundred percent. But the more time goes on,
10:53
Speaker 2: I mean, we were at the very forefront of social media,
10:56
Speaker 2: like ash was one of the first ones with the
10:58
Speaker 2: big following and rode that wave, and at the start
11:01
Speaker 2: we didn't really understand it, the polarity of love hate it.
11:05
Speaker 2: But the more we go into this phase of evolution
11:09
Speaker 2: of life and society of social media, you can see
11:12
Speaker 2: it's a normal pattern of people, Like people are messy
11:15
Speaker 2: and judging and you just got to look around. Who
11:18
Speaker 2: hasn't copped to get ratioed on Twitter or you know,
11:22
Speaker 2: there's so many examples of it. So that's my meaning
11:24
Speaker 2: on it because I know Ashley firsthand. Yeah, what a
11:27
Speaker 2: beautiful person she is.
11:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like that stuff doesn't even touch the sides
11:30
Speaker 1: because you're like, I'm the one who spends the most
11:32
Speaker 1: time with you. I know who you are in and out.
11:33
Speaker 1: I have no question in my mind about who you
11:35
Speaker 1: are as a person.
11:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, so then I just have to turn my gaze
11:38
Speaker 2: over and see it happening to others and I can
11:40
Speaker 2: come from a place of understanding. Oh is that true.
11:43
Speaker 2: It's probably not.
11:43
Speaker 1: Yeah. Even the way that people pedestal people to tear
11:47
Speaker 1: them down on social media, it's like they put them
11:49
Speaker 1: up so high that there have to be this complete
11:51
Speaker 1: superhuman person who never makes mistakes, is not allowed to
11:54
Speaker 1: fuck up in anyone and then born the moment you
11:57
Speaker 1: do something wrong, they pay you down.
11:58
Speaker 2: Yeah.
11:59
Speaker 1: It's such an interesting thing.
12:00
Speaker 2: Racially in Australia, Like it's crazy.
12:02
Speaker 1: And even to be able to like hold them through that,
12:04
Speaker 1: there have been moments where you felt a little bit helpless.
12:06
Speaker 2: In that heaps. Yeah, but I always try to make
12:10
Speaker 2: her stronger and she has. I'm so proud of the
12:12
Speaker 2: way she is. She's come so far and she's only
12:15
Speaker 2: going to get better, you know, the more the growth
12:18
Speaker 2: through it. And I have a belief that there's a
12:20
Speaker 2: gift in every challenge, and everything happens for a reason.
12:23
Speaker 2: Life happens for you, not too you know, there's so
12:24
Speaker 2: many beautiful meanings you can put around things, and in hindsight,
12:28
Speaker 2: I have so much evidence of that's so true. Any
12:30
Speaker 2: future things that happen, I have that around it.
12:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you have trust in her ability and the
12:34
Speaker 1: ability to move through and navigate it together.
12:38
Speaker 2: But the biggest evolution me and how I hold that
12:41
Speaker 2: is don't try to fix it, hold some space for
12:44
Speaker 2: her to feel it and go through it. Try to
12:47
Speaker 2: come in and save the day, save the day. And
12:49
Speaker 2: young Steve would have done that, but I'm a bit
12:51
Speaker 2: wiser and older those things.
12:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, not your first rodeo, Not my first rodeo. No.
12:56
Speaker 1: I feel like there's been a lot of changes over
12:58
Speaker 1: the last twelve months. Especially there's been like the closer
13:00
Speaker 1: baseline as she had her aneurysm, she had her brain surgeries.
13:05
Speaker 1: What has that been like for you witnessing the change
13:08
Speaker 1: over the last twelve months, Because I feel like she's
13:09
Speaker 1: just collapsed time and just evolved into a brand new person.
13:13
Speaker 2: I've really had a really strong belief that this is
13:18
Speaker 2: a really transformative time for both of us. And I
13:20
Speaker 2: thought this at the very start of all this, even
13:23
Speaker 2: though there's been some uncertainty and some challenging times, I
13:27
Speaker 2: see it now, I really do. She's thriving at the moment. Yeah,
13:31
Speaker 2: whether it's in her relationships or her work. You know,
13:35
Speaker 2: sometimes you've got to make those tough calls. I know, Baseline,
13:38
Speaker 2: that was her baby. You know, she loved it. And
13:40
Speaker 2: from my side, I hated running two businesses. I only
13:43
Speaker 2: got so much to give, so much to put out
13:45
Speaker 2: and I couldn't do it. That was such a big
13:47
Speaker 2: shift for her, Like it was a start. And even
13:49
Speaker 2: though it was like at the time it was such
13:51
Speaker 2: a traumatic and you know, like so many layers to it, change, change, shame.
13:56
Speaker 1: Not knowing how people in the audience would all of it.
13:59
Speaker 2: But I knew it was going to be the best
14:01
Speaker 2: thing ever. And it is, like, you know, she's absolutely
14:03
Speaker 2: loving what she's doing right now and in so many
14:06
Speaker 2: different ways. Personally, from my side, it's like Hardaway has
14:10
Speaker 2: been booming since too, because I've been able to put
14:12
Speaker 2: my energy and focus into one thing. Yeah, aligned team,
14:15
Speaker 2: and yeah, it's been good.
14:16
Speaker 1: That's so good. Honestly, I can see it for you, guys.
14:18
Speaker 1: I feel like you guys have just continuously gotten better
14:20
Speaker 1: and better with like every aspect of your relationship and
14:23
Speaker 1: every area of life as well. You're sure. And I
14:25
Speaker 1: feel like I've really seen ash since i've known her
14:28
Speaker 1: at least, which hasn't been the longest time in the
14:30
Speaker 1: grand scheme of things, but I feel like I've known
14:31
Speaker 1: her my whole life and watching her grow from when
14:34
Speaker 1: we met to now. She's really coming to her mind
14:37
Speaker 1: growth so much. We talk about all the time, but
14:39
Speaker 1: like this is the year of hard conversations, Yeah, really
14:42
Speaker 1: facing them, being willing to like run ahead first at
14:45
Speaker 1: them and not avoid anything that feels uncomfortable because you
14:47
Speaker 1: collapse so much time when you do that. Because instead
14:50
Speaker 1: of messing around for three months going oh should I
14:52
Speaker 1: should I not? Or I don't want to have that conversation,
14:55
Speaker 1: let's do it, let's do it, dive straight in and
14:57
Speaker 1: then you're like cool, like we got that over and
14:59
Speaker 1: done with one day. Yes, you know, And I've really
15:02
Speaker 1: seen her just expand her level of communication and her
15:06
Speaker 1: boldness and like really on her bigness because she is
15:08
Speaker 1: a very big personality. Definitely but I feel like for
15:11
Speaker 1: a little while there there was like a cap and
15:12
Speaker 1: a little that you know, have you felt that change
15:15
Speaker 1: that she's had and like obviously letting go a baseline
15:17
Speaker 1: and also going through the traumatic experience as well aneurysms.
15:20
Speaker 1: I know you've had aneurysms as well. Has that impacted
15:24
Speaker 1: your relationship in a positive way?
15:26
Speaker 2: Yeah? In that we've got each other's back, and I
15:28
Speaker 2: guess it goes back to that other situation where we're
15:30
Speaker 2: in a challenging situation comes we all pulled together, and
15:34
Speaker 2: the aneurysm one is a little bit different than a
15:36
Speaker 2: challenging work problem or social media. It's obviously nothing stirs
15:41
Speaker 2: you up more than a bit of a health challenge,
15:43
Speaker 2: you know, mortality, etc. I had a lot of experience
15:46
Speaker 2: in it, so it was great that I could help
15:48
Speaker 2: in that area. But she's also probably got a new
15:51
Speaker 2: lease on life because of it too, if you come
15:53
Speaker 2: back to the gifts in it, because there always is.
15:56
Speaker 2: You can't go through something like that and not come
15:58
Speaker 2: through and go, let's go after life, you.
16:00
Speaker 1: Know, Yeah, Like what am I doing the choices that
16:02
Speaker 1: I'm making? Aligned do I want to spend more time
16:04
Speaker 1: with you even I feel like that's where her head
16:06
Speaker 1: would have been out, Like what's important? What matters? How
16:09
Speaker 1: can I spend more time doing that? I feel like
16:11
Speaker 1: she did.
16:11
Speaker 2: That and she is living it right now, so you
16:14
Speaker 2: can thank the aneurism for that.
16:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like it's interesting. Hey, like life challenges.
16:18
Speaker 1: Everyone always wants the good and the highs, but don't
16:21
Speaker 1: realize that it comes with the heaviness. You know, the
16:23
Speaker 1: holy shit moments that like completely rock you to your core.
16:27
Speaker 1: You need that, like almost like my backs up against
16:29
Speaker 1: a wall. Yes, before you can go okay, now I
16:31
Speaker 1: can start moving up.
16:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, life works in mysterious ways for sure.
16:36
Speaker 1: As a team, right, you guys been doing this for
16:37
Speaker 1: seventeen years. What is one piece of advice that you
16:41
Speaker 1: could give the audience or anyone listening who aspires to
16:43
Speaker 1: do what you guys have done in relationships? What is
16:46
Speaker 1: it that you do as a team that helps you
16:49
Speaker 1: continuously get better in your relationship.
16:51
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say there's one thing, but you definitely need
16:54
Speaker 2: to be committed to continuously evolve the relationship because it's
16:58
Speaker 2: never the same, like it's always seasons, phases, all those
17:03
Speaker 2: sort of things, and whether it's because you are a team,
17:06
Speaker 2: You're not always going to be on the same level
17:08
Speaker 2: as such. You know, there's been times where as she's
17:10
Speaker 2: had to lift me up, there's been times we've had
17:12
Speaker 2: to lift her up. But you're always committed to the
17:15
Speaker 2: end result. And I think little things like you've got
17:18
Speaker 2: to have common goals, you've got to have common a
17:20
Speaker 2: vision for the future. We've got really clear visions for
17:24
Speaker 2: our future. As she's a sagittarius, like she needs freedom
17:30
Speaker 2: her other whole side of her that doesn't involve me,
17:32
Speaker 2: and I've got to be supportive of that too. So
17:35
Speaker 2: it comes back to you, you know, understanding each other's values.
17:39
Speaker 2: My needs are your needs needs my needs and always
17:42
Speaker 2: have that in mind. But then there's sometimes where one
17:44
Speaker 2: person's needs is more important in the time that they're
17:47
Speaker 2: going through, and so it's catching and passing as a dance.
17:50
Speaker 2: And then when things do break down, because they always do,
17:53
Speaker 2: give us the good stuff. When she's feeling something, she'll
17:55
Speaker 2: say it and if we can't resolve it, then look
17:59
Speaker 2: to get some help, but look to get a third
18:02
Speaker 2: party to mediate because it can be fit.
18:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, you say that adaptability is a huge thing in relationships.
18:08
Speaker 1: When two people are growing, you evolve into different people,
18:11
Speaker 1: you know, and when you go through a huge massive
18:13
Speaker 1: change I imagine like being in a relationship for seventeen years,
18:16
Speaker 1: you have to continuously reintroduce each other. Yeah, you know,
18:19
Speaker 1: it's like, well, I've grown now, I'm not the person
18:20
Speaker 1: that I was before. Now You've got to get to
18:22
Speaker 1: know this new version of me and how I do
18:25
Speaker 1: life and how I want to life.
18:26
Speaker 2: And that's the challenging part of the dance. It's a dance,
18:29
Speaker 2: and you've got to have a little bit of leeway
18:32
Speaker 2: in allowing the readjustment of it. Being parents is probably
18:36
Speaker 2: the hardest. Yeah, imagine, Yeah, I mean it's especially that
18:39
Speaker 2: first year. It's such a shock to the system, like
18:42
Speaker 2: individually and as a couple, throw.
18:44
Speaker 1: As a spanner in the works in the dynamic, in
18:46
Speaker 1: your relecto dynamic.
18:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not about you anymore. It's about them, time, freedom,
18:50
Speaker 2: you know, all of it. But then you work it
18:52
Speaker 2: out and become a team and then becomes beautiful. You know.
18:54
Speaker 1: Was there anything that kind of helped you guys get
18:56
Speaker 1: through that period when like you first had Taj, when
18:59
Speaker 1: you were adjusting to that period.
19:00
Speaker 2: I think that was one of our most challenging periods,
19:02
Speaker 2: So we had a lot of other things going to
19:04
Speaker 2: all once at that stage. So well, yeah, all that
19:09
Speaker 2: was just happening.
19:09
Speaker 1: Could imagine all hectic at once.
19:11
Speaker 2: We did have exterior help.
19:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, that would have been quite heavy obviously. You know
19:15
Speaker 1: when moments like that happen in life and everything starts
19:18
Speaker 1: to stack. Is there a trait or a behavior of
19:21
Speaker 1: ashes that kind of like bothers you a bit? It's annoying.
19:26
Speaker 2: She can definitely be annoying.
19:28
Speaker 1: We can love her for it.
19:29
Speaker 2: Sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. She's always got a limiting
19:32
Speaker 2: belief like that she can't do something, so she just
19:35
Speaker 2: gives up really easy on things I can't do it
19:38
Speaker 2: or it's too hard or those sort of things. I've
19:41
Speaker 2: been really good with her with that, because I'm usually
19:44
Speaker 2: one that always tries. Even if I fail, it's okay,
19:48
Speaker 2: go for it. I see her in the gym, I
19:50
Speaker 2: see her carry weights she's thrown around. She's doing all
19:53
Speaker 2: these clips and then two things. It's like she says,
19:57
Speaker 2: it's too heavy to carry all the groceries in. But
20:00
Speaker 2: it's such a feminine thing because she wants the man
20:02
Speaker 2: to come and lift the things and she'll play like this,
20:05
Speaker 2: I can't get my suitcase out of the car. Or
20:08
Speaker 2: we'll go park at the supermarket and I'm always just
20:11
Speaker 2: trying to get the easiest park because I don't want
20:12
Speaker 2: to have to squeeze in, so I'll usually go a
20:15
Speaker 2: little bit further but park with no one around. And
20:18
Speaker 2: she'll always complain because she has to walk so far.
20:21
Speaker 2: But in the morning she'll do like ten thousand steps.
20:23
Speaker 2: She's always checking her watch.
20:25
Speaker 1: Or you guys have a little bit of a challenge
20:27
Speaker 1: going on out who can do the most steps.
20:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's hard to beat, so.
20:30
Speaker 1: She's very competitive.
20:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, her best job doesn't help either.
20:34
Speaker 1: Totally, totally. Yeah, no, that's so good. My annoying trade,
20:37
Speaker 1: which is not an annoying trade at all. She's just
20:39
Speaker 1: twenty minutes early to everything.
20:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, I carry the same traits, like are you a
20:42
Speaker 2: late person?
20:43
Speaker 1: I'm just like bang on time and I can push
20:45
Speaker 1: being late. I definitely can.
20:47
Speaker 2: But you know when she said you're always a late person?
20:49
Speaker 1: Oh shit, Yeah, I'm probably trying to make it more palatable.
20:52
Speaker 1: But you know what, her doing that has actually taught
20:55
Speaker 1: me how to be more on time, because every time
20:57
Speaker 1: I think like, oh I only have X amount of time.
20:59
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I need double the amount of time.
21:01
Speaker 1: I'm always pushing the limit of you know, so I'm like, yes,
21:04
Speaker 1: I just know when she comes or she's coming to me,
21:06
Speaker 1: I know, I've got to be twenty minutes early. So
21:08
Speaker 1: then it's like teaching me I've got to be on
21:10
Speaker 1: time or early. It's actually a really good trade.
21:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a really good trade.
21:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, not at all. There was recently something that
21:16
Speaker 1: you guys didn't experience together as a couple actually, which
21:18
Speaker 1: was the lap dance.
21:19
Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah, yeah that was fun.
21:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, the lap dance, which was cool because it kind
21:23
Speaker 1: of went semi viral. As an observer, it was really
21:25
Speaker 1: beautiful to watch one. It was super empowering because I know,
21:28
Speaker 1: as she's on a journey of like sexual embodiment, and
21:31
Speaker 1: to witness you guys like watch the video like ten times,
21:33
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, this is so amazing because
21:36
Speaker 1: you guys were so locked into each other and just
21:39
Speaker 1: how locked in you were on her. You were just
21:41
Speaker 1: absolutely just mesmerized by her. And there was a little
21:44
Speaker 1: bit of backlash, you know, as things like this get
21:46
Speaker 1: There was lots of support and also people making comments
21:49
Speaker 1: about being like, oh, baby number three's on the way,
21:51
Speaker 1: by the way that they were looking at each other.
21:53
Speaker 1: But there's also some kind of backlash as well, And
21:55
Speaker 1: I was curious on what your perspective is on the
21:59
Speaker 1: video and posting that sort of stuff on social media
22:01
Speaker 1: and how it felt for you as Ash's partner.
22:05
Speaker 2: I didn't read the comments. I don't do that, but
22:07
Speaker 2: I thought it was great, like just to see a
22:10
Speaker 2: woman in her element and the movement and femininity, like
22:15
Speaker 2: it's so sexy and so beautiful, can't look away, can't
22:19
Speaker 2: look away, and just a man is drawn to that,
22:21
Speaker 2: you know. I was anyway, just centrality movement owning it.
22:26
Speaker 1: Do you think it is more on the controversial side
22:28
Speaker 1: to post stuff like that on social media? Do you
22:30
Speaker 1: think it should be?
22:30
Speaker 2: Like I can see how it brings up people's insecurities,
22:35
Speaker 2: all the things, all the things, and yeah, you just
22:38
Speaker 2: got to remember, everyone's got their own stuff going on,
22:41
Speaker 2: and that's the whole thing with social media. Everyone's got
22:44
Speaker 2: their own stuff, and it just brings out everything.
22:46
Speaker 1: Like why that would be triggering for some women if
22:48
Speaker 1: they weren't super sexually embodied, or if they felt.
22:51
Speaker 2: A shameful, Yeah, I would say, and I didn't see
22:54
Speaker 2: the comments, but there would have been more positive than negative.
22:58
Speaker 1: Oh my god, there was so much more positive as
23:00
Speaker 1: she was saying that she had support. She was responding
23:03
Speaker 1: to her DMS for like a week after with all
23:05
Speaker 1: the people who were curious and wanting to know where
23:07
Speaker 1: it was done and saying how much they wanted to
23:09
Speaker 1: do it for their partners too. There was really only
23:11
Speaker 1: a small headful of comments, you know, and you're going
23:14
Speaker 1: to get that. You're going to get that. But you
23:15
Speaker 1: can see why it would be super triggering. But do
23:18
Speaker 1: you feel like it was a super empowering thing to
23:20
Speaker 1: be out of witness as she post that and like
23:22
Speaker 1: be fully embodied in it.
23:23
Speaker 2: Just explains where she's at. Yeah, I see her. I
23:26
Speaker 2: see where she's at. Yeah, I'm there for it. Yeah.
23:28
Speaker 1: Absolutely. You know, we had a woman recently put in
23:31
Speaker 1: the Best the Advice segment and let us know that
23:33
Speaker 1: she was forty and she hadn't self pleasured before.
23:35
Speaker 2: Wow.
23:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, and she hadn't self pleasured up until this year. Sorry,
23:39
Speaker 1: it's such a taboo topic and there's so much shame
23:41
Speaker 1: around it, but it's something that we all deserve. To
23:44
Speaker 1: be in that, Yeah, one hundred percent. But it's just
23:47
Speaker 1: so interesting that the contrast between the shame that is
23:50
Speaker 1: held around that versus like when a woman is embodied
23:52
Speaker 1: in that and how freeing it gets to be. And
23:54
Speaker 1: I think it's a beautiful thing that actly gets to
23:56
Speaker 1: be a shining light for women to help other women
23:59
Speaker 1: see whether that's a wound for them where it triggers them,
24:02
Speaker 1: where they're not integrated in that, and how they can
24:05
Speaker 1: that energy into their life because it makes everything better.
24:07
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I've heard you speak about your sexual shame
24:10
Speaker 2: in the past, etc. How did that feel for you
24:13
Speaker 2: when you watch the video? Yeah?
24:14
Speaker 1: Oh so empowering. Yeah, they were definitely. Back when I
24:17
Speaker 1: was in that experience, I definitely felt more shame. And
24:20
Speaker 1: whenever I would see anybody post stuff like that on
24:22
Speaker 1: social media, it triggered me and it made me jealous
24:25
Speaker 1: because I wish that I would allow myself to do that,
24:27
Speaker 1: But because I had had that experience, I was like,
24:29
Speaker 1: but you're not allowed to do that. I'm allowed to
24:31
Speaker 1: have that. You're dirty for wanting that, you're dirty for
24:34
Speaker 1: even being sexually expressed. So it was so much shame
24:36
Speaker 1: around it.
24:37
Speaker 2: Because it more about the people like what others think,
24:40
Speaker 2: so or more internal for.
24:42
Speaker 1: It was more internalized shame because of how people treated
24:45
Speaker 1: me when it happened. So like I was getting messages
24:48
Speaker 1: from people at the gym saying, like people were watching it.
24:50
Speaker 1: I could hear people whispering when I would walk past,
24:52
Speaker 1: you know, all that sort of stuff. You know. So
24:54
Speaker 1: to now have already gone on the journey of like
24:56
Speaker 1: sexual embodiment. To see how she posts that, it's so
24:59
Speaker 1: inspiring because I know how embodied she is now and
25:02
Speaker 1: I know the journey she's on, and when I see that,
25:05
Speaker 1: I know she's embodying her bigness. She's embodying what is
25:08
Speaker 1: true for her. And I think that's a really empowering thing.
25:11
Speaker 1: And not a lot of women are bold enough or
25:14
Speaker 1: brave enough to do that publicly.
25:16
Speaker 2: Do you think it's different if she was single in
25:18
Speaker 2: doing that or because she's in a relationship, So I say,
25:22
Speaker 2: if you got online and yeah, you dance like that, Yeah,
25:24
Speaker 2: would it be different because.
25:26
Speaker 1: You're Oh, that's a good question to ask, but also
25:28
Speaker 1: a hard one because I think it depends on intention
25:31
Speaker 1: and where it comes from. And also it's in the
25:33
Speaker 1: eye of the.
25:33
Speaker 2: Bus holda only fans.
25:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, totally right. Is it that or is it
25:37
Speaker 1: because I feel sexually empowered? If I felt sexually empowered
25:40
Speaker 1: and I was posting that and I had intention to
25:43
Speaker 1: help other women explore that for themselves, I don't think
25:45
Speaker 1: that there's anything wrong with that, not at all. But
25:47
Speaker 1: if it's coming from a wound, then it's my work
25:49
Speaker 1: to do, you know. And then also it is dependent
25:51
Speaker 1: on the people who are perceiving what is being done,
25:54
Speaker 1: because the reality is like you can try to mold
25:56
Speaker 1: and show up a certain way, or you know, explain
25:59
Speaker 1: yourself so much, but people are going to misunderstanding, whether
26:02
Speaker 1: you want them to or not.
26:03
Speaker 2: Always.
26:04
Speaker 1: You can't control that. So there's going to be people
26:06
Speaker 1: who love it, and there are going to be people
26:07
Speaker 1: who hate it. But also what I have come to
26:10
Speaker 1: learn is if you are actually being yourself and you
26:13
Speaker 1: were being authentic, people are going to love and hate you.
26:16
Speaker 1: And that's a good indication that you're actually being true
26:18
Speaker 1: to who you are. Because I've been super palatable for people,
26:21
Speaker 1: and I've had people be lukewarm with me that have
26:23
Speaker 1: an opinion about me.
26:25
Speaker 2: So since you've met Ashy, when we first saw your
26:29
Speaker 2: socials and the way you conducted yourself online as it
26:32
Speaker 2: changed it all.
26:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say so a good way. Though Ashal
26:35
Speaker 1: and I've spoken about this before. Coming on the podcast
26:38
Speaker 1: actually really triggered this to me. So before that I
26:40
Speaker 1: was very much coach Tiana, right, So I really thought
26:43
Speaker 1: I had to be this very well constructed, perfected version
26:47
Speaker 1: of yeah, just professional. I thought I'd be professional and
26:50
Speaker 1: I thought, yeah, everything, make sure that I would hold
26:54
Speaker 1: myself well and speak well and all those things. And
26:57
Speaker 1: what I didn't realize was that I was hiding and
26:59
Speaker 1: shying away all different parts of my personality when people
27:03
Speaker 1: need to feel authenticity to be able to connect with
27:06
Speaker 1: you and let alone sell something. And so what has
27:09
Speaker 1: changed for me since meeting Ashy and also coming on
27:11
Speaker 1: the podcast is that this podcast has allowed me to
27:14
Speaker 1: be so much more vulnerable and vulnerably share all sides
27:18
Speaker 1: of who I am. So even when we do she
27:20
Speaker 1: rises and we post all the content online, we're being
27:22
Speaker 1: silly and we're being stupid, and then we're being honest
27:25
Speaker 1: and open and raw and vulnerable and really letting people
27:28
Speaker 1: see who we are. And I think that's been the
27:30
Speaker 1: biggest change, and that's been the biggest influence of like
27:32
Speaker 1: Ash coming into my life.
27:33
Speaker 2: It's very similar in business actually, like as far as
27:37
Speaker 2: content goes, like the polished, edited content pieces just don't
27:41
Speaker 2: cut through these days. Things that work are like behind
27:44
Speaker 2: the scenes, founder driven, organic type videos. So very similar.
27:48
Speaker 2: People just craving authenticity. They don't want the polish stuff.
27:52
Speaker 1: Any perfectly curated. They want messy, they want real, they
27:54
Speaker 1: want raw, they want raw stories, all the behind the
27:57
Speaker 1: scenes stuff. It is so much more fun though. Yeah,
27:59
Speaker 1: just this podcast in general with Ash, we've just had
28:02
Speaker 1: so much fun.
28:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can see that. Yes, beautiful, beautiful to watch
28:06
Speaker 2: the best.
28:06
Speaker 1: It's very heart led. If there was one thing that
28:08
Speaker 1: you wanted everyone who doesn't know astually personally to know
28:12
Speaker 1: about her, what would you say that it is?
28:15
Speaker 2: She's just a beautiful person. I just yeah, she really
28:18
Speaker 2: cares about people, she's a lover. She really is genuinely
28:22
Speaker 2: authentically beautiful person. Yeah, and sim an act what you
28:26
Speaker 2: see online is exactly how she is. But yeah, she's
28:29
Speaker 2: authentically a beautiful person. Whether that's a friend, partner, amazing mum,
28:33
Speaker 2: you know, very lucky kids, bucky husband as well.
28:36
Speaker 1: Absolutely, it makes me emotionally hear you say that because
28:39
Speaker 1: I just I love her so much and I'm excited
28:42
Speaker 1: to be here on the journey with her and to
28:44
Speaker 1: help her see herself more in the way than miss her.
28:47
Speaker 1: She deserves that love and return.
28:49
Speaker 2: Let's give it to her.
28:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, all right, Thank you, Steve, Thank you so
28:52
Speaker 1: much for joining last time. I love you too. We'll
28:55
Speaker 1: be here on the next one. Thank you, ladies. We'll
28:56
Speaker 1: see you on the next one.