Latest / Questionable Detour / Becoming a worm person, surprise wrestling strangers, and giving your girlfriend a dead deer

Transcript

Becoming a worm person, surprise wrestling strangers, and giving your girlfriend a dead deer · Questionable Detour

• 0:00
  Excuse me, what is going on here?
• 0:04
  But first we're gonna make a little detour.
• 0:09
  So absurd, so questionable.
• 0:12
  I guess we're just the weirdos.
• 0:15
  Expect the detour.
• 0:24
  Bye now.
• 0:25
  Guys, we are probably known as the greatest podcast. Joe Rogan has been
• 0:31
  dethroned and now questionable detours sits at number one. So it's only right
• 0:35
  that people are coming to us looking for advice on how to start and grow a
• 0:42
  podcast, right? Like y'all agree? Yeah. It was bound to happen, I think.
• 0:47
  I think, yeah. I think it was bound to happen. Here, because we have somebody that wrote in
• 0:51
  looking for advice. This guy, this is a Theo Vaughn, is that who wrote in? Yeah, Theo Vaughn wrote in.
• 0:58
  No, he starts it out with, hey questionable D, it's me. Okay, we don't know who you are.
• 1:04
  Good to hear you. Glad you're here. Kind of like an Asian guy. It's me. You want to do it in an
• 1:11
  accent just to really make it drive home the racism? It's on me. It's on me, I got a question.
• 1:17
  Maybe it is his name, maybe it is his name, but he says it's me as if like he's a past ex relationship
• 1:25
  that you had. Like we should immediately know. We don't know. This is like a you up text. Yeah, we don't
• 1:31
  know who you are. So hey questionable D, it's me. He continues, so me and my friends have been
• 1:37
  listening to you guys for a little while and we love the humor you have because it's our humor too.
• 1:41
  We were thinking of doing our own podcast, but I have a few questions. What tips do you guys have
• 1:46
  for starting a podcast? Do you know what you're going to say every week? What recording stuff do
• 1:51
  you guys use? Do you guys record episodes all at once or record a new one each week? Where do you
• 1:56
  guys record? Anyway, thanks Elijah. We figured out who me is at least. Yeah, like it was it was it
• 2:03
  was really late in the... Usually you start off with the name. Yeah. I would like to introduce my
• 2:10
  brother Jacob first time here. Thank you. OK, this is Jacob. He's very formal. He shook all of our
• 2:17
  hands when he came in. He just bowed like that's how funny he was. Why were his hands wet though
• 2:22
  when he was shaking hands? Was he nervous? Just his pockets were wet. He pulled his pockets were
• 2:29
  he pulled his hands out of his pocket. Well I do. I keep a lot of ketchup packets in my pocket.
• 2:34
  When I get nervous, I just mush them. They're like a fidget thing. Yeah, I mush the ketchup and then
• 2:40
  it just like it reminds me of my my birth. And you remember that? Yeah, the placenta.
• 2:49
  You come out all wet. Is that your doctor's name? That's probably the most comfortable time of my life
• 2:53
  is just feeling the placenta.
• 2:55
  Well, now you see into Jacob's psyche. So you can also give advice to Elijah since I mean, obviously
• 3:01
  you're on the podcast, so you're just as wise as us. So initially starting, he's just looking
• 3:06
  Elijah's just looking for tips. What tips do you guys have for starting a podcast? I'd like to start.
• 3:12
  OK, the most the most the most tracks experience just first impressions first time doing a podcast
• 3:19
  here. When I came into the room, no explanation of how this is going to go. No, like, hey, this is
• 3:26
  when it's going to start. It's just all kind of mushed together. I think there should be like,
• 3:30
  hey, yeah, exactly. And I feel like there should be, hey, like, like we're going to go through some
• 3:36
  questions. We're going to have some ideas, some advice. So you want structure. Yeah, we should
• 3:41
  have a little structure. You came to the wrong place. We don't do that here, bud. All right.
• 3:45
  Knowing you, you don't seem like a structure guy. I'm very structured because my mind works in
• 3:51
  mysterious ways actually, like doesn't work most of the time. And like there has to be some like
• 3:56
  instructions because I don't want to read. But like, hey, like this is how it's going to go.
• 4:01
  So you want structure. Your advice to Elijah is have some structure. Yeah, know what you're doing.
• 4:07
  Elijah, don't listen to this vice. You don't need structure. What about you? Which then
• 4:12
  leads into my advice. We do this thing at Evan's house. So if you really want a good place
• 4:16
  to go to record, if you want a guy to set everything up for you, 26, contact Evan,
• 4:22
  you know, yeah, 2062 Maple Street Drive. Yeah, yeah. Come to Evan's house. He'll call Evan.
• 4:29
  Memphis, Tennessee is his address. The next one is do we know what we're going to say when we record?
• 4:37
  No, we have zero clue. Yeah, no. If you've listened to any of the episodes, you would know we,
• 4:43
  no one could have prepared for these things. No, I have not. No, there's no thoughts before we turn
• 4:48
  on the mics about this show. The first, the first thought, the first neuron that fires is when that
• 4:53
  record button hits and then we go, I mean, there's not a lot of neurons firing. I also did not even
• 4:59
  know when the record button was hit. Like I didn't even know. Are we, are we even recording right now?
• 5:03
  I don't know. So no, we don't know, but that, but we're also geniuses, which helps, I think. No,
• 5:10
  there's not one genius in this room. The next question, what recording stuff do we use? I assume
• 5:17
  you want like names of mics. I, we basically just use coconuts attached to string and somehow
• 5:24
  it gets out to the world. I don't use coconuts for that. You can, but he used coconut for
• 5:29
  bras. Okay. Yeah. Big support guy. Yeah. They also have a plastic fold out table. So get one of those.
• 5:38
  Yeah. That's some equipment you need is the most important part. And a box of highlighters and
• 5:42
  all of our equipment is from maybe the 1980s. So go to a Baptist church and see if they have any spare
• 5:50
  old, old sound equipment. Very old. Yeah. They'll just melo T if you want them, Elijah. Oh,
• 6:01
  don't sell our stuff. No, like you can have this stuff. They'll just,
• 6:07
  they'll just get on the roof and just start screaming. And that'll be their podcast. It'll go from
• 6:13
  however many listeners you'll have to the neighbors, the four people that live around you.
• 6:18
  The next question he has is, do we record all episodes at once or each week? Each week? I don't
• 6:24
  know how to make that funny. I think that's just factual. Yeah. It's just, we do it each week. And
• 6:29
  where do you guys record? I think we've already given that answer, but here's, here's my advice
• 6:33
  to you, Elijah, you know, technology has gone so far in the world and it's taken over our lives.
• 6:38
  So I would say do an acoustic podcast, go into people's houses, wake them up with your episode
• 6:44
  of your podcast. They will, they will be so pleased. They will be so thankful that they were not woken
• 6:50
  up by an alarm, but rather three guys pretending to have microphones talking about various topics. I
• 6:56
  feel like that's good advice. It also helps if you're like on math or something. Yeah. Maybe take
• 7:01
  some math, just a little bit though. Not, not, not any, not any enough like to, to mess up your
• 7:06
  cognitive awareness. Yeah. But just like a little math to get it, maybe just get the ball rolling.
• 7:11
  Yeah. Get the ball rolling and maybe just like get your confidence boosted a little bit. And yeah,
• 7:16
  just enough to spark creativity, but not so much that you scratch off their faces. Don't want to
• 7:22
  scratch. That would not be good for sparking, not scratching. Yeah. You just want to be a little
• 7:27
  artistic little, you want to be artistic color in high school. You can do a podcast. Yeah. Yeah.
• 7:34
  But there you go, Elijah. I good luck to your podcast. If you ever, if it ever gets a little
• 7:40
  competitive with ours, we will probably put out a hit on you and kill you. We don't like competition.
• 7:45
  Well, here's my biggest advice for Elijah. It just quit. Don't do it. You can't do it. That's the
• 7:52
  bottom line. It's very inspiring with a name like Elijah. You can't trust that guy anyways. So yeah,
• 7:57
  it's always good to give up before you really get going. Very, very encouraging, but I hope that
• 8:05
  helps Elijah, I guess in summation, fine. Evans house, uh, do an acoustic set, uh, and, uh, you
• 8:15
  know, have structure, but maybe not have structure. I don't know where we landed on that, but there
• 8:19
  you go, Elijah. I hope that helps. Uh, but welcome to question with detour for the rest of everybody.
• 8:24
  Let's do hypotheticals. Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract, purely hypothetical question?
• 8:29
  Abstract, purely hypothetical question. I guess I want to apologize for asking a
• 8:34
  hypothetical question. Well, that's a hypothetical question. All right guys, what's the saying that
• 8:40
  usually involves new years, new year, new me, right? So I think it would be beneficial for everybody
• 8:46
  if we gave our new year, new year's resolutions. So maybe they can pattern their new year's
• 8:51
  resolution off of what we're doing, right? Because I mean, who better? We don't need to change.
• 8:55
  Like we don't need to be new ourselves at all, but it's good that we let people see maybe how to
• 9:01
  do their new year's resolution. And there's a lot of people we think should probably change.
• 9:04
  Yeah. They don't need to sit at this table. Um, so, so what do y'all think? What's y'all's new
• 9:11
  year's resolution? New, new year, new me, what are y'all doing this year differently? That y'all
• 9:15
  wanting to change? Me personally, uh, I think, I think it's important this year for me to start
• 9:20
  doing a little bit more recon, um, just a little bit more surveillance, kind of figuring out what
• 9:28
  people are doing, uh, what their deepest, darkest secrets are. I feel that. Wait. So wait, wait,
• 9:36
  wait, wait, back up, back up, back up, back up, back up, back up. Your new year's resolution is
• 9:40
  to stalk people. It's called recon. It's got gathering intelligence and trying to get information
• 9:45
  from people. Yeah. Really just keep America safe. Yeah. Thank you. Is this why you started
• 9:50
  getting into all that tactical gear? You did walk in with night vision goggles. Yeah. And then you
• 9:55
  turned the lights on and I was immediately blinded. So that was rough, but you kept them on. Well,
• 10:00
  yeah. I mean, I got to get used to them. You were just sitting there screaming.
• 10:05
  My cornea is melted. Yeah. Okay. Okay. You didn't, the night vision didn't tip you off that you
• 10:12
  should use it at night. You never know until you use it. They make things that sound like other
• 10:16
  things. Sure. Sure. Now you thought it was night vision goggles. So you could view, uh, like
• 10:20
  medieval nights. That's what you thought we were looking at. Yeah. I thought it would like just AI
• 10:25
  paint you with like a Lance riding down the road on a horse. Yeah. You're upset when nobody, there
• 10:32
  was no nighting shining armor when you turned them on goggles. A surprising lack of maidens. Yeah.
• 10:40
  You're always looking for a maiden. They don't have to be fair maidens either.
• 10:44
  They can be handsome maidens seeing as Jacob is our guest today. Uh, so let's say you're recon in
• 10:51
  his house and he has a nice place, lots of windows, which makes it easy for you. How would you recon
• 10:56
  his house and maybe get as much information on him as possible? Well, you want to start by just
• 11:00
  kind of doing a 360 around it. See all the entry points, uh, see all the places where you can see
• 11:05
  in and then immediately get as close as possible. Uh, get your eyes just over the frames of the
• 11:11
  windows. Yeah. Yeah. And just kind of stare in there for as long as you can and try not to move
• 11:18
  too much because that'll obviously that'll tip them off to you and well, and you're loud breathing.
• 11:22
  Yeah. Yeah. Well, you don't want to fog up the glass because then you can't see in. Is that why
• 11:26
  you keep your just eyes on the glass? Cause otherwise your eyes are on the glass. Yeah. Like
• 11:33
  it kind of hurts. You want to feel a lot of pressure.
• 11:36
  So let's say Evan does this, let's say his eyes are on the glass. He's kind of wince and
• 11:42
  campaign because it kind of hurts. Yeah. What would he see you do be doing in your house? Like
• 11:47
  what, like if, like you were appearing in your window at any given night, it's a, it's a Thursday
• 11:51
  night, 8 p.m. You're at the house. What's going on? Uh, Thursday at 8 p.m. I think, you know,
• 11:57
  my schedule has me, uh, you know, like eating some peanut butter, num chucks, sure. Eating
• 12:02
  peanut butter with none. Chuck. No, like peanut butter and I'm like, I'm like, you know, like
• 12:09
  maybe like two or three digits into the peanut butter jar. Yeah. Then swing is
• 12:16
  which isn't any better. Like you shot down my, here's the thing Thursday at 8 p.m. You never
• 12:23
  know what's going to happen. You could have a creepy guy. I am all about home security and
• 12:29
  like you could be dinner since I don't make very much money. Peanut butter is usually the dinner
• 12:34
  choice and you got to be ready for if somebody surveilling you, ie Evan and like you got to be
• 12:41
  ready to use none. Chuck's like a staff or staff infection. Like you would use, you would use
• 12:50
  staff affection against Evan. He put his eye on the glass. That makes sense. You know,
• 12:55
  like you're coming away with a weird disease. Kind of the Intel I'm looking for weaponizing
• 13:02
  staff. Yeah. I mean, if, if the U.S. military wants to contact me about getting staff infection,
• 13:09
  uh, not actually like physically having a staff infection, but if they want to buy
• 13:14
  staff infection from me, how do you jar staff? I am producing it. A lot of pastry dishes.
• 13:20
  Okay. Okay. That's actually a good thing to carry. Um,
• 13:23
  uh, and then I'm working on a way to, uh, turn it into gas form and, uh, to gas has always been
• 13:32
  used well in the past. He's trying to take out a jungle. That's all I know. So Evan,
• 13:36
  so let's say your eyeballs straight on this window that possibly has staff infection on it.
• 13:41
  He didn't really say, but you see him just swinging nunchuck. Not well, like they're hitting them in
• 13:46
  the crotch. He takes his knee out one time with the nunchuck. That's why you practice. Well, yeah,
• 13:51
  you practice and he's eating somehow eating peanut butter while he's doing this. What,
• 13:55
  what's your move then? Like what Intel does that give you get out as quick as possible?
• 14:02
  I mean, really it sounds like I'm just taking a video with that and then like kind of blackmailing
• 14:06
  him. Yeah. No, like I'm going to let people see this. Now, when you say blackmail, are you just
• 14:10
  sending an African American gentleman to his house? I am, but that's for the court summons.
• 14:15
  I don't, I would like, I film it myself is, is the issue and I'm selling it and I've done,
• 14:22
  actually done really well. I've sold three copies in the past two years.
• 14:27
  Now they are expensive. Like it is state of the art. Uh, mostly because of the,
• 14:32
  the only thing that I would see is you would be hurting my business is like those old DVDs
• 14:36
  you used to buy. Yeah. You'd be cornering. Yeah. That's just good old fashioned American competition.
• 14:42
  Yeah. So let me, let me ask you this. So you're sitting, you're blackmailing Cobb and by that,
• 14:46
  you mean you're sending African American mail his way. Why are you, why are you something to court?
• 14:51
  What has he done to you? Why are you suing him? Yeah. You're watching me.
• 14:57
  I'm in the privacy of my own house. I'm suing you for not giving me enough dirty work on you.
• 15:04
  Oh, you're too clean. Yeah. I need more dirty things about you so I can actually blackmail you.
• 15:09
  Would it be better if he covered himself in peanut butter? That'd be a good start. Um, do a little weird,
• 15:14
  something weird with the peanut butter. I'm not going to say what, but I would like to know that so I can blackmail you.
• 15:19
  I'm just starting to think this is like some kind of kinky. You'll be amazed on how often this goes
• 15:25
  in Evans key answers. You're like the Jeffrey Epstein of peanut butter sex.
• 15:31
  Listen, I just want to have some dirty stuff on you so I can blackmail you. Yeah. I'm not going to
• 15:37
  have dirty stuff on you so I can blackmail you. Yeah. And I just think I just need to be in, you know,
• 15:41
  in more fights with people. Okay. I need more tension in my life is what I'm saying. Yeah, you have it too easy.
• 15:46
  Things are going too good for you. Oh, you know, so that's Thursday at eight. Let's say you come back
• 15:51
  at Friday at six. You know, I do a service for people where clean off calluses. Oh god. And that, you know,
• 16:00
  like, so you could come to that. No, Evan, would you go, would you get into line is what I'm asking.
• 16:05
  Like it would be like my time to just kind of get a pedicure. It sounds like you could go undercover,
• 16:11
  you know, maybe get in line. Yeah. Will you, will you just explain to the table how you go about
• 16:17
  cleaning off the calluses? Well, that's partly why, where I get the staff infection from a lot of big
• 16:23
  women. Yeah. A lot of big women have calluses from standing on lots of weight on their feet,
• 16:29
  lots of weights, cracking at the, how do you get the calluses off sometime? Well, it depends.
• 16:34
  It's, if it's a, maybe a lighter woman, um, maybe just like a file and like a, maybe a, a knife.
• 16:40
  Respect. Um, big woman, big woman, big woman, like let's like thousand pound sister, big,
• 16:49
  probably like a table saw. You just cut off the leg. No, no, but like you'll get the cows off.
• 16:55
  There's a lot of growth. So you're probably doing them a favor and you know, helping lose weight.
• 17:00
  Okay. How about this though? How about you, you gather Intel about Cobb doing this on a Friday.
• 17:04
  What does that tell you as, as the Intel gatherer that you are not stalker? Tells me he's a good guy.
• 17:10
  Okay. See how I flipped his opinion. Yeah. Yeah. Just by cutting off the legs of fat women. Yeah.
• 17:16
  So it's all about what day you show up to his house. One day he's rubbing peanut butter,
• 17:22
  the other day he's helping the needy. I think I know you said you had night vision goggles.
• 17:29
  Um, what else do you normally use to break in and surveil a cool new grappling hook grappling?
• 17:35
  Cause cool. Do you know how to use it? No, no, kind of just like throw it at the ground and try to
• 17:42
  pull it like an anchor, but I don't, I'm not sure if that's how it's, do you try to stop your vehicle
• 17:47
  with it as you're speeding past the house? You're supposed to be stopping. Yeah. And I
• 17:52
  kind of wanted to cut my ties with the old ways and I really just wanted to lean in to use my
• 17:56
  grapple, even though I don't know how it works, but kind of just dive into the deep end. So I cut
• 18:00
  my brake lines and I kind of just wanted to be able to solely depend on my grappling hook because
• 18:05
  that's the best way to learn. That's smart. I have noticed that both your shoulders are dislocated.
• 18:10
  Yeah. Is that correlation or causation? Probably just correlation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Something
• 18:17
  solely separate. It's definitely, definitely different. All right. You have the grappling
• 18:20
  hook hook. What's the third item that you have magnetic boots for those sheer metal homes,
• 18:29
  you know, for all the, yeah, all the metal homes. Now I'm looking at your magnetic boots and it is
• 18:35
  just kind of normal like Timberlands and you just have like magnets crudely glued to them.
• 18:40
  Very fashionable. So you're not really standing on the side of walls. You're just kind of picking up
• 18:44
  people's Bobby pins and clothes pins on the ground. I found so many screws and nails, so many tires.
• 18:55
  You can get up a shed so easy in these, just like somebody's back metal shed. Yeah. Just slap on your
• 19:01
  Timbers and you're on the roof at no time. Okay. That's pretty very loud. It's a loud detachment.
• 19:09
  You lose the element of surprise, but if you get there beforehand, before they show up and you can
• 19:14
  really set up, yeah, you lose the element of surprise, but you gain the element of elevation,
• 19:19
  which I think, I think is valuable, but that's cool. Yeah. It is cool. Isn't it? Stalking.
• 19:25
  Evans is new year's resolution. All right, Alan, with new, new year, new Alan, what's it, what's
• 19:30
  it going to be like? Yeah. New year, new me. So I don't, I know you guys are fully aware of how I eat.
• 19:35
  Um, eat like a 12 year old. Um, you don't chew, you just swallow a whole like a snake. It's nothing,
• 19:41
  but nothing, but warmed up food. There's, you know, frozen food. That's, that's all I eat. You know,
• 19:46
  I think this year I'm going to be doing things a little different. Um, we're going to go not to
• 19:50
  fruit fruits too easy. Yeah. Um, I think everybody's going to be doing it. And quite frankly, I want to
• 19:55
  bypass that and go to where fruit gets its nutrients from. And I'm just going to start eating dirt,
• 19:59
  eating dirt. Interesting. So I think that that, uh, I think that that'll, you know, bypass the fruit.
• 20:05
  I want, I want to get where the fruit gets it. Yeah. Yeah. And you're saying the middle man is
• 20:11
  the food. Uh huh. The middle man is the food. Yeah. Now I've noticed you've shaved all your hair off.
• 20:18
  Is this in an effort to become more worm-like? Yeah. It was what it does. It makes me more, uh,
• 20:25
  I think the term in the industry is a dirt dynamic. Um, I really, I really get to slither
• 20:34
  and you just kind of, you start with like a, just a slight hip rotation. Yeah. Yeah. And then your
• 20:40
  whole body just kind of follows suit and you're just, you're, you're, you're slithering before
• 20:44
  long going down the holes. You're just kind of munching on the dirt. Yeah. Yeah. Just full mouths
• 20:50
  of dirt. Just gaining power along the way. Is that what the tubs of Vaseline are for? Oh, yeah. So
• 20:57
  yeah, you, you, you lather up first off and then you just kind of, you stand on something tall,
• 21:02
  just kind of dive into an open hole. Oh, you already have a hole. It's good to do, to have a hole
• 21:08
  already started. If you don't, what you're going to run into is just the ground and that's, that's,
• 21:13
  that's not ideal. The Vaseline probably works for your wife as well as she tries to grab you to
• 21:18
  bring you inside. She can't get grip on you. You, you squirm away back into your little hole. She's
• 21:23
  like, it's not that hard to eat some fruit. And I'm like, no, we're not, we're not buying into big
• 21:28
  fruit. We're, we're getting it from, we're getting it from mother earth herself. Yeah. You said you
• 21:33
  have a hole. What's in the hole? Is it like a whole like dining room situation where you eat,
• 21:37
  where you eat the dirt? Yeah. I got like a couple of chairs and then like a miss Pacman machine.
• 21:43
  Okay. So in case I, you know, in case I'm full off of dirt, I can just kind of go down there and
• 21:48
  just play some, play some Ms. Pacman. Your wife can't wrestle you back because you're like a pig.
• 21:52
  Yeah. You know, she's, she's not, she's not a ground girl. Okay. So once you get in the tunnels,
• 21:58
  you know, she, she's not following you down there. It's like the tunnels of Vietnam. She'd get lost
• 22:03
  down in there. 100%, 100%. I don't know what nutritional value get out of dirt. Your teeth
• 22:09
  do look really worn down. Well, that's from some of, some of the rocks that get mixed in with,
• 22:13
  you know, I just see some, maybe some business opportunities. Like if you strike oil.
• 22:18
  Yeah. He would, you would drink that though. Or it's like liquid dirt. Yeah.
• 22:26
  Like if you want to help some Mexicans get across the border. Okay. Yeah. You could maybe hire.
• 22:31
  Yeah. I actually would rather help the Canadians get across the border. Does it work the same way?
• 22:35
  I don't think Canadians are trying to cross the border. I think they're happy over there.
• 22:39
  Okay. But he's going to do it anyway. He's going to, he's going to dig tunnels and pop up in a
• 22:44
  Canadian yard and be like, you want to, you want to come over? Yeah, that, that would just make it
• 22:49
  really inconvenient for them. Cause now they just like maybe a small child falls down, which he's
• 22:54
  okay with. That's it. That just borders line on kidnapping at that point. Now you're just a weird
• 23:00
  dude that work. Could you imagine the stories about this hairless Vaseline up man coming from
• 23:09
  the earth and stealing your children. It's like a, like a crypto zoology myth. What would be the
• 23:18
  name of the, the cryptid creature that's covered in Vaseline and runs around in the dirt, stealing
• 23:23
  children, slippy, jippy, slippy, jippie. Yeah. I mean, sure that works. Do you have a name tag?
• 23:32
  It's a, yeah. Hi, hi. My name is slippy, jippie. Yeah. That just sounds like a racial slur for an
• 23:37
  Asian. It sounds, if you said that in front of an old person, they'd be like, yeah, I don't like
• 23:43
  them either. And, but without context, they would name the country that they think you're talking
• 23:49
  about. Like what's your first thing to try to convince them to come to America? You just like
• 23:53
  pop up and you're like, you want to go back to North Dakota or well, it's not strictly children.
• 23:58
  Can't stress that enough. This is, this is you guys putting this on me. I really would rather
• 24:04
  kidnap adults. Okay. Any specific type of adult like the kind that live alone and don't really
• 24:09
  have much going for them. Yeah. I want to give them a better life. So they, you tried dirt. Oh,
• 24:14
  you wouldn't even take them back to the United States. You just keep them in the tunnels.
• 24:19
  Yeah. I need, they're just trying to build your community down there.
• 24:24
  I need followers. I, yeah, it is. Everything does come back to mole people. This is just like a
• 24:30
  cult now. And like, I need them to mine the dirt for me. Cause eventually I'm going to be so busy
• 24:36
  being healthy above ground that I'm not going to have time to go down there and mine the dirt
• 24:41
  myself. So I need these Canadian miners. So slaves not. So if you're not still in children's, you're
• 24:48
  getting slaves. I don't think they've been enslaved yet.
• 24:55
  They're due for it. They're due for it. Be honest with you. I think the Canadians have had it too
• 25:00
  good for too long. Oh man. So basically after a while you're the next evolution of this is you're
• 25:09
  in your house. You're kind of just sitting at a dinner table waiting and some poor Canadian person
• 25:15
  comes out all dirty just with a plate of dirt. Yeah. He, uh, he removes his goggles. So the only
• 25:20
  thing you can see is just a line where his eyes are, you know, he's, he is covered head to toe in
• 25:24
  dirt. Yeah. Um, and he just provides me, you know, bring to silver platter in and sets it in front of
• 25:28
  me and my wife and he removes the silver lid and it's just a, just a pile of good old fashioned
• 25:35
  dirt. Yeah. Yeah. That's very good. I feel like that's a good new year's resolution. I think so.
• 25:39
  Yeah. I've got a lot of a lot of potential with that one. Yeah. Still kids, uh, enslaved Canadians.
• 25:44
  Just keep in touch with your dentist. That's all. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Jacob, new year's resolution.
• 25:49
  What's, what's, what are you doing to make a new you? You know, it's, I'm not worried about myself.
• 25:54
  I'm a real selfless person. Sure. I want to, I want to take midgets to new heights.
• 25:58
  Okay. Uh, I went to Chipotle and there's this midget or LPs is what we call them in the industry.
• 26:06
  It's, it's good. You care for him that you didn't learn his name. Well, it was Cassandra. Okay.
• 26:10
  Long name for a little person.
• 26:16
  But I saw her struggling. I said, uh, can I get steak with the brown rice and like,
• 26:21
  you were telling her that? Yeah. She works there. Yeah. She works there. I thought she was just in
• 26:25
  line or no, no, no. She was, she was working and I was, you know, can I get some, you know, I want
• 26:30
  the steak rice bowl and like all I could see was a forehead and her little hand reaching over,
• 26:36
  trying to find the ladle. Do you think a ladle could get to get steak? Yeah. You know, like the
• 26:42
  spoon, I don't know what you call it. Like, uh, the spoon there, the big soup ladle bill. And I said,
• 26:48
  you know what, ma'am, let me help you out. So what I did is I walked around the corner and got down
• 26:53
  on all fours so she could stand on my back and you know, that's taken me LPs, new heights. Yeah.
• 26:59
  So you're just going to go around and let them stand on you. That's your new, no, I mean like
• 27:04
  there's, there's other things too, like, you know, like, um, midget businesses, like I'm not, not
• 27:09
  talking about little businesses, like open, like, uh, LPs running the business. Yeah. You're big
• 27:14
  against not little people, not running any, not like an LP LLC. I, I think everybody, like I think,
• 27:21
  honestly, I think the world should be run by LPs because just the amount of hard work they have to
• 27:26
  go through just in their day to day life is, uh, really inspiring. And I think we should make it a
• 27:32
  little bit easier on them with us, uh, gifted people as far as height goes. Did you, did you say
• 27:37
  what the term, what LP means? I don't think, I think our listeners probably don't definitely
• 27:41
  don't know what that term means. Little people. Okay. Uh, we usually just call them, what do we
• 27:46
  usually call them? Uh, half humans. Uh, and then see, and yeah, uh, you also have LPs with TDS,
• 27:56
  which is little people with transmitted diseases. It's a big, it's a big community. Ironically,
• 28:05
  it's a very large community. Cause we all know those LPs are out there. Just they're banging,
• 28:09
  getting around, like having sex with every, every, you know, they're all passing around. Cause no,
• 28:14
  you're not, you're not dealing with LP on TP. It's LP on LP, right? Yeah. LP on LP.
• 28:20
  And so there's not very many of them and they're, they're getting TDS. So you're,
• 28:24
  you're willing to, you're willing to sacrifice yourself to give LP. Yeah. Little freebie. Let
• 28:30
  them, let them have a term with you, you know, let them have a go with you. And that's all I'm
• 28:38
  saying. Like taking, taking LPs, new heights, midgets, new heights, and, uh, this new organization
• 28:43
  that will be funded by the U S government. Let me suggest something. Maybe since you're taking the
• 28:48
  LPs to new heights, maybe strap them to a hot air balloon. Don't let them in the basket. Cause you
• 28:54
  know, you don't want them anywhere around you, but maybe just strap them in the hot air balloon and
• 28:57
  just let them go. See, I think we're all, we're all off here just a little bit. Like I think,
• 29:05
  no, I mean like y'all, y'all seem like y'all have an issue with LPs. Like I want to break down that
• 29:10
  barrier. Like Rosa parks of the LPs. Yeah. You're going to be the Rosa park. They do compare you to
• 29:16
  drive the bus is what I'm saying. Like I think it's, you gotta give them a booster seat. Yeah.
• 29:22
  Is it true that it takes two to drive the bus? Yeah. We gotta have one to press the back pedals.
• 29:27
  Okay. Okay. Yeah. The issue, you know, everybody thinks that they're making your chocolate and
• 29:33
  they're, uh, like they're not, they're, they're working normal jobs, like a Chipotle. Um, and
• 29:41
  they're not just making chocolate and building toys. Have you been in touch with the organization
• 29:46
  for LP LGBTQ? Uh, no, I don't, I don't think, I think all LPs are one gender.
• 29:51
  Can you transition to LP? No. What? How dare you. So Evan was actually going to have bottom surgery
• 30:04
  and just cut off his legs from his knee down. I don't think that's what bottom surgery means.
• 30:10
  So it's a VBL body, but no legs.
• 30:15
  So the deal surgery. So you're saying once Evan has his bottom surgery and he removes
• 30:20
  half of his legs, he can't be an LP. I just think that dude's an imposter. He's a poser.
• 30:27
  Yeah. He's a poser. Like you're not a skater unless you can do a kick flip. Right. Right.
• 30:30
  And so like, if you just have a board carrying around your poser, like you're an imposter of
• 30:35
  the skating community, we, we, we like in the circus, we just don't need to shoot LPs out
• 30:39
  of cannons. We need them to tame the lions as well. Could they train like the lion cubs?
• 30:44
  No, we need them training full blown lions. It's, it's, we've had our time as, as, as tall people
• 30:52
  and we need LPs to have them. I didn't realize you're going to come on here in a soap box with
• 30:57
  a political campaign. Well, I stand for something. If you stand for nothing, then you don't stand,
• 31:02
  not very tall though. Well, they still stand and I'm here to take them to new heights, whether I
• 31:08
  have to get on all fours. And so, uh, Cassandra could use the ladle or stack them Lego style or
• 31:18
  maybe like a nice pyramid. Yeah. So your new year's resolution is that you want to stand up
• 31:25
  for those who don't stand tall. Exactly. That's a good, that's a good slogan. You need to put that
• 31:29
  on a 2024. Yeah. Put that on a banner, but that, uh, that, that's good. There's new year's resolutions,
• 31:36
  three of them. Evans was reconnaissance, but it's really just stalking. Don't let him fool you. He
• 31:40
  just wants you to, it's going to stalk people more. Uh, was going to be a worm person that eats dirt.
• 31:47
  Somehow it always comes back to me being in the ground. And Jacobs was stand up for,
• 31:53
  stand up for the people who can't stand tall LPs with TDs, LPs with specifically the ones with
• 31:59
  transmitted diseases. But there's how we're going to be changing in the year 2024, uh, very special.
• 32:06
  Um, but we also want to give back to the Saturday workers and we're going to, we're going to go into
• 32:12
  a business segment where we're going to give ideas to y'all, you entrepreneurs out there that y'all
• 32:18
  can take and live the American dream where y'all can go out and make millions of dollars. Cause
• 32:25
  we could make millions of dollars, right guys? Like, I mean, we're without a doubt, without a doubt,
• 32:30
  we have no issue making all this money, but we're giving these ideas to y'all. So y'all can be the
• 32:35
  millionaires and y'all can live the American dream in the year 2024. So let's do that.
• 32:41
  So let's get down, let's get down to business. Let's get down, let's get down to business.
• 32:49
  All right, Jacob. So give everybody a business that will make is guaranteed to make a million
• 32:55
  dollars in 2024. Well, I can't guarantee you anything. Uh, cause it's like,
• 33:01
  off to a great start, but I do think say Alan wanted to spice up his life because he sits at
• 33:09
  a desk all day and he wakes up eight 30, gets dressed, brushes his teeth and goes, sits at a
• 33:15
  job till five o'clock at a desk, which a lot of people do do this. This is a very normal,
• 33:20
  most of America needs some spice in his life. And I think that you could hire me and you put a time
• 33:27
  six, six PM to, to three AM and, uh, I'll, you know, I will show up in a random costume and wrestle
• 33:34
  you. Wait a minute. You're, you want people to do this or you're saying you're just plugging your
• 33:42
  business idea. I'm saying anybody could do this. Like you, we could just have a gang of people,
• 33:47
  you know, like it's kind of like Uber, but for wrestling, like you just order an Uber from either
• 33:52
  like six PM to three AM and I show up, you, you want to expect me. You just know you started
• 33:58
  getting edgy around six PM. Like, when's this guy going to show up? So I will be at my desk,
• 34:03
  bored out of my mind. And I say, man, I need my journal and be pumped. Yeah. You know, so I go
• 34:08
  on to what's, what's the business called? We're going to call it the WAAA world adrenaline wrestling.
• 34:14
  Okay. The WAAA. Okay. The WAAA W A W it's an acronym. So I'll, I'll, I'll log on to WAAA.org
• 34:21
  or dot.com. Or just WAAA the app. Oh, okay. If an app feature is, okay, we're in the 21st century,
• 34:26
  2024, right? You got an app WAAA. So I'll log onto the wall and then I will go, man, I need somebody
• 34:32
  to wrestle me, but I don't want a specific time. I want them to maybe wrestle me anywhere between
• 34:38
  two PM and six PM. And then you'll just show up to my house and just wrestle me. Yeah. And I'll come
• 34:43
  like, you want to expect me like I was coming as like a FedEx driver or like, uh, maybe a conquistador
• 34:51
  now, what if I want you to dress as Abraham Lincoln? Uh, you can't, I don't know because you'll
• 34:56
  expect that. Like you see a guy, you see Abraham Lincoln walking down the sidewalk. He'd be like,
• 34:59
  all right, that guy, like you can get mentally prepared for that. The goal of this is to not
• 35:03
  get mentally prepared. So there's not, there's not a function on the app where you can request a
• 35:07
  specific fighter. No, like I think that would get too kinkish. That could get a little weird.
• 35:12
  Yeah. Okay. You can't see if I wanted to be really close to Walter white. Yeah. The goal,
• 35:18
  the goal, have your guard down as much as you can. Like I know you set your time from, you know,
• 35:24
  two PM to six PM. I, yeah, that's fine, but you're going to be on edge a little bit,
• 35:28
  but you can't be like, you can't have your mind ready. You know, you see Abraham Lincoln walk
• 35:33
  through your office door. Like that guy's coming to it. It doesn't sound sneaky enough. It doesn't
• 35:37
  sound like you see, cause what if I wanted Abraham Lincoln, but you just got to be sneakier having
• 35:41
  dinner with my family. You busted in the window, you know, well, I'm going to do that anyways,
• 35:45
  but you're not going to know what's going to come through your window. It might be Abe Lincoln.
• 35:49
  It might be George W. Like it might be John Wilkes Booth. Yeah. John Wilkes, but it might be Adolf
• 35:54
  Hitler. It might be Genghis Khan. It might be, like I said, a conquistador and then boom, it's a Zulu
• 36:01
  warrior or something like, but not well dressed. Not yet. Like it's not like, yeah, I mean,
• 36:07
  you can only, there's only so much room in your closet for, for outfits. Like you get,
• 36:12
  you get your outfits from party city. Like, yeah, I mean, yeah. Or you make them your own. If you're
• 36:16
  really artistic. Uh, and yeah, I was just coming to wrestle you. Maybe freak out your wife a little
• 36:22
  bit. Like, Oh my God, there's a, there's a Zulu warrior in the kitchen. And like, and I'm just
• 36:27
  strangling Alan and he has to, he has to fight me off and just know like no, no weapons allowed
• 36:34
  unless you request it. Then I can also bring my own weapons. You can request that. Are there bounds
• 36:40
  to your wrestling or is it like anything's game? No, anything's game. Like I might, I might slip
• 36:45
  a digit some into some orifice or so is a kink thing. There it is. Or am I, I'm not like, it could
• 36:58
  just be like maybe in the ear hole, like a pinky in the ear or like, you know, is that a requested
• 37:04
  thing or is that something that you just do for like, you could say, you could have, you could have
• 37:09
  like three settings. Like you could have like an all go setting, which means anything goes. Like
• 37:14
  you could, you could get a digit in a place where you don't want it, or you could get, uh, maybe a
• 37:20
  limited, like maybe I just want you to come in and fight me. And like, I just want to like maybe
• 37:25
  prove to my wife that I'm actually a man. I don't have Edie. Uh, that's the right call.
• 37:28
  That's fine. You need, you're going to prove that while you're fighting him.
• 37:34
  I mean, like if you beat me, like you proven to your wife that he proved that you can win a fight
• 37:41
  that, yeah, maybe, maybe get a little testosterone boost and now you don't have Edie and now you
• 37:46
  don't have to spend 50, but the Edie doesn't happen during the wrestling match. Like you don't,
• 37:51
  you don't get over it mid match. Yeah, but the testosterone, like if you use it enough, like
• 37:57
  you can get it back mid match is what you're saying. Like you could be on the back of another
• 38:02
  man, kind of strangling them a little bit. Yeah. Like I know you said no weapons, but if there's a
• 38:08
  sword involved, you know, like getting testosterone back for each individual person is going to be a
• 38:15
  little bit different. And so, you know, for Evan, it might take maybe half a match bang. He's ready
• 38:20
  to go. And, or maybe Allen, it might take 16 matches, like real, real low testosterone type of guy.
• 38:29
  He needs those wrestling matches. He got to spice up his life. And so yours is like a, you know,
• 38:34
  yours is like a make a man out of you. It's not just to help guys get erections. It seems like it
• 38:39
  is. I'm saying that could be like a reason why you would want to have a random guy come in and
• 38:46
  wrestle you as, as Abraham Lincoln or George Washington or Stephen Hawking or Stephen Hawking.
• 38:52
  Yeah. No, that would be down. Get down. That might be beginner's level. That does bring up a question.
• 39:00
  So no weapons. If you come in as Stephen Hawking, are you still tethered to the chair? Yeah. How,
• 39:05
  how far do you go to play the character? Yeah. Like you can't move. Like you're just going to
• 39:09
  have to type on a computer. Come here. Come here. Maybe, maybe like try to break a toe by
• 39:14
  rolling over them or something. Okay. Yeah. And then you get, I mean, you could develop that into
• 39:20
  a lot of things. Maybe you were bullied as a kid and you just want to be the bully for once. So
• 39:24
  yeah, you can hire a fat kid and you go kick crap out of that kid dresses George Washington.
• 39:32
  Maybe like, so let me get this straight. You're going to have a service that offers very specific
• 39:39
  scenarios in an effort to possibly arouse customers, not arouse, just help. Help. That's
• 39:47
  what, that's what this is. No, that's twisting my words. I think it's okay. We do that here.
• 39:54
  Welcome to the show. But I think that's good. I think invest now, invest in wow. What the world,
• 40:00
  wow. Oh, wow. World adrenaline wrestling, world adrenaline. Wow.
• 40:04
  Yeah. Cause you'll say, wow, after it's all done. Yeah. But wow, that's great. Yeah. You
• 40:11
  can pay a little extra if you want me to take your wife. All right, Alan, what is, uh, what's
• 40:16
  your million dollar idea for the Saturday workers? This one is guaranteed to make a million dollars
• 40:22
  and it'll that's that that's bottom, bottom tier of a million dollars. What I'm suggesting is you
• 40:27
  offer a service where if someone doesn't want to do a task or go to a place, you just replace them.
• 40:35
  They pay you to come do things in their stead. So they don't want to go to their kids baseball game
• 40:40
  because they got beef with their kid. Who knows? They pay you to come to the game instead. So you,
• 40:47
  you're like a surrogate father. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty much a surrogate anything. You know,
• 40:52
  you don't want to go to work calling the surrogate. You know, he'll, he'll go in your stead. He'll,
• 40:56
  you know, who knows if he knows how to do your job or not, but he'll, he'll be there from eight to
• 40:59
  five. Let me ask you this. So let's say there's a nuclear physicist that is working at a nuclear
• 41:05
  power plant and you know, you, maybe you don't want to go to work that day. You would hire your
• 41:09
  company and maybe you just have like a drop high school dropout coming in and do that nuclear
• 41:14
  physicists job for a day. Yeah, we don't really do. I wouldn't say do much vetting.
• 41:21
  Sort of, you kind of come in, we sort of check your pulse.
• 41:23
  Um, so very low level physical, um, make sure that you're able to walk. That's, that's key.
• 41:29
  And maybe that's even optional, right? Depending on the job. You may not need to, Stephen Hawking,
• 41:34
  you know, if he's not obviously not around anymore, but, but yeah, yeah, you just, you have to
• 41:38
  very little qualifications, uh, for this, but yeah, high school dropout could get the,
• 41:43
  the role of nuclear physicists for the day. Are you liable for if that nuclear power plant
• 41:48
  eventually explodes? We are not insured. I would say, I would say no insurance company is going
• 41:54
  to touch this. Yeah. A lot of the sadder jobs, your, your, your standard eight to five cubicle,
• 42:01
  yeah, cubicle jobs. Uh, people want to get out of those. Um, so send in a, send in the surrogate for
• 42:06
  that. So like, what if I needed a mom for a day? Would you just send a man in a wig? Like how,
• 42:14
  how accurate do you try to be? We only hire men. You're big on that though. Yeah. And it's,
• 42:23
  definitely, definitely. Um, yeah, only hire men. Um, something about just us guys here, you know,
• 42:31
  all our listeners are guys. We were a hundred percent agree with that. Um, there are just some
• 42:36
  things that have, that a man can do better, you know, my mom and that's being somebody's mom,
• 42:45
  you know, is there a time, is there a timeline on how long you can hire somebody since they,
• 42:50
  like a single mother, uh, just got knocked up by, uh, doing the rock Johnson. Yeah. And,
• 42:57
  and like, she's going to have to raise this kid for 18 years. Can you hire, uh, you know,
• 43:03
  just some random guy to be that kid's dad for 18 years. All right. Let me ask some leveling
• 43:08
  questions. Does the, does the guy have to be the part of Dwayne the rock Johnson, or does he have
• 43:14
  to be the part of just a new creation, a new step? Uh, let them, that's a good question. Let's just
• 43:20
  say like the kid doesn't know. Okay. He's just a beautiful Polynesian boy. Okay. And, uh, you know,
• 43:30
  you got, uh, Steven, just random old, good old Steven, Steve, Swedish guy, blonde hair, blue eyes,
• 43:39
  like maybe, maybe a little pudgy, probably like five, six pudgy white. Sure. Um, does he,
• 43:46
  does he raise that child? Like it's his own and you pay him for the next 18 years. Like how,
• 43:52
  what you're describing is the platinum package. Um, and that is, that is our highest level.
• 44:00
  And that's something where, where we really get in there long-term where we're invested in the
• 44:04
  growth of this kid. And it is our longest contract is the 18 year contract. Oh, that's convenient.
• 44:10
  The platinum package is 18 years. Um, after that, no more, no more dad. He's, he's out of there,
• 44:15
  though. You just have to re up. You can, but it gets different because he only knows how to treat
• 44:21
  a kid from one to 18. He doesn't know how to treat an adult age 19. He's, he's completely clueless.
• 44:27
  He starts over treating you like you're a one year old kid. He starts it all over completely.
• 44:31
  It's tough. It's tough. So my question is, is it only existing jobs? Could I make up a job
• 44:37
  for this person that I've hired? Yeah, definitely. You know, like a personal shoe tire. Yeah. Yeah.
• 44:44
  We, we aim to, we, we aim to please. It's not necessarily a surrogate, but I think that's
• 44:49
  something we can do. Okay. I, you know, explain your horizons. Is there anything above the platinum
• 44:54
  package? So he just said that was the highest thing where you're not listening. Evan likes to
• 44:59
  go to the extreme. That's why he doesn't tell all his clientele that it doesn't market. It's off
• 45:05
  me. You just the high spenders, right? Um, say I have a doctor's appointment that I don't really
• 45:11
  want to go to because I was screened for cancer or something like that. Could I send someone in my
• 45:16
  place, take my cancer diagnosis, take all my cancer treatments, um, and eventually die from said cancer.
• 45:26
  You want the surrogate to get cancer? Yes. Or just to go through the cancer treatments and you still
• 45:31
  are riddled with cancer. Either one works. I think the second option, I think, yeah, just like just
• 45:36
  some healthy person is just going in and getting chemo and just getting messed up for Evan and Evan,
• 45:42
  like Evan's just on the couch, just, just can't breathe. Can't walk. Just hurting. Yeah. My body's
• 45:49
  deteriorating. Brother, what you're describing is the Sapphire bundle. And I know earlier,
• 45:56
  I said the platinum package was the highest we can go. And that's that, that was a bold face lie.
• 46:03
  We don't always bring in the Sapphire bundle, but since you asked the Sapphire bundle is when a
• 46:09
  surrogate ends in death, that means that they can go through any level of torment just, or,
• 46:23
  or they can be an instant death. So like, like, like a soldier in combat, like, yeah. Yeah. So
• 46:28
  let's say, let's say you don't want to go to war, but you get drafted. Private Johnson is going to
• 46:32
  war. Private John, well, private John's is not going to work because he just got the Sapphire bundle.
• 46:36
  Instead, private Tyler is going to war. Private Tyler ends up a POW.
• 46:47
  Vietnamese war camp. Private, private Tyler's afraid of Charlie now. He can't sleep at night.
• 46:54
  Wow. The Sapphire bundle. That's nice. The Sapphire bundle. Yeah. Yeah. Can I say, I get in bed with
• 47:01
  the mob and I don't pay them back and they put out a hit on me and I hire the Sapphire bundle
• 47:08
  to put Tyler. It's not always Tyler. He's just our best guy. Let's just say I hire a surrogate to
• 47:15
  maybe take my place on that hit. How much would that cost me? I mean, we don't really deal in money.
• 47:21
  Sure. Yeah, obviously. You said million dollars minimum like that. This makes the equivalent of
• 47:27
  a million dollars. It's kind of it's kind of the equivalent. So you could get it. You could get a
• 47:32
  million dollars in cotton balls and you're like, I'm going to have to go. Well, no. What I want is
• 47:37
  like bridge building supplies. So I don't want a million dollars of cotton balls. I'm not an idiot.
• 47:43
  What if you have a need for cotton balls? Well, I don't. What do you need bridge supplies for?
• 47:49
  Just I don't know that it's relevant, but we're just building bridges. But it's good you're not
• 47:53
  burning bridges. We're not. We're not burning bridges. Now we're putting these things together.
• 47:57
  But like they're not in places where bridges should be just like on a road. Yeah. There's nothing
• 48:01
  under it. You know, just a random park. How about a bridge? You know, bridge in the middle. We got a
• 48:07
  an ocean. Yeah. Throw a bridge out there in the middle of it. Just in the middle of it. It sinks,
• 48:13
  but like you have a bridge out there. There's still a bridge there.
• 48:17
  The main goal is providing service for our customers. Okay. And bridges is kind of kind
• 48:22
  of just what we want on the back end. That's that's more for us than it is for our clients.
• 48:26
  That's a very public relations of. Yeah. Yeah. We like to keep it very open about what we do,
• 48:31
  but you don't hire women. So not to not hire women. Okay. Not at all. Can a woman order this
• 48:39
  service? They can. Yeah. So I let's say, uh, cinnamon at on, on the edge of third street.
• 48:46
  Here it is. It's slinging some booty. She's a prostitute. I understand. Now she's a whore.
• 48:51
  She does sex for money. So she has to hire a dude. That's a good point. So does that make her a pimp?
• 48:57
  This is wow. Wow. This is something I've got to say that I've, we've never, we've never been asked
• 49:03
  this before because see, if I, if I send my best guy out there, are we the pimp? Who's the pimp?
• 49:10
  Us or her? Yeah. But also pimp. This is just a classic two pimp, uh, two pimp tango is what they
• 49:16
  call it. Um, nobody, nobody wants to be involved in that. Would you be willing to do that though?
• 49:20
  Would there be a circuit for the hooker? I'm going to say the right guy is probably available. Okay.
• 49:26
  We hire a wide variety of people. I don't see how anybody's making money.
• 49:33
  It's not about money. It's about bridges. He's already set. It's all about, we, okay. In the
• 49:37
  beginning, let's, let's follow the line here just a little bit. Uh, you said at minimum, you're going
• 49:42
  to make a million dollars. I mean, at minimum, who equivalent who is not dollars though. It's
• 49:47
  just equivalent to dollars. A million dollars in bridge supplies. You think of the rebar,
• 49:52
  you think of the concrete. I mean, you build one bridge. We're building. We might build one bridge.
• 50:00
  What's the business called by the way? Yeah. It's a, it's called surrogate away.
• 50:04
  Surrogate away. So if you want to hire surrogate away, that's a million dollar idea,
• 50:08
  a million bridge idea, million equivalent. Where do we end on that? Equivalent. All right.
• 50:14
  Evan, what's your million dollar or other item idea? Got to admit, it's not a lot about money.
• 50:21
  My idea is called confused, which is what we all are after what we just heard. But
• 50:29
  are you ever lonely? Oh, you're going right into a pitch. Okay, go ahead. Yeah. Well, you know,
• 50:33
  it's, this is how I'm going to explain it is with the pitch. So are you ever, are you ever lonely?
• 50:39
  Do you ever feel like you need someone by your side all the time? Just all. Thank you all the time.
• 50:44
  Who in society do you think is most, what's the word at a loss, not benefited by the rest
• 50:53
  of societal rules? According to the elderly people, little people, little wrong. Guess again,
• 50:58
  the elderly elderly wrong. It's convicts. So my idea is to fuse the two confused, confused. Okay.
• 51:10
  You're going to take a convict recently out of jail, assimilating back into society. You're going
• 51:14
  to link them with handcuffs or other restraints to another lonely person. So they can assimilate
• 51:24
  back into society and kind of see, help them get back on their feet per se. Um, and just kind of
• 51:29
  show them what it's like to be a normal person without being able to escape them for 24 hours.
• 51:36
  So they're free, but not quite as free as they might've thought. So let's, so let's just say
• 51:42
  there's a guy, he made a bad mistake when he was young and 18 years later, he's finally free from
• 51:47
  prison. You jump out of a bush with some handcuffs and just handcuff him quickly. Does somebody else
• 51:53
  randomly walk in on the street? Yeah. Cause that guy, if he just goes out on his own, he's not
• 51:58
  going to know what to do. He hasn't been out in society for 35 years or whatever you said.
• 52:03
  He needs someone to guide him, someone to show them what it's like to be a normal person,
• 52:08
  but also not be able to escape that person because their initial response is just flight.
• 52:14
  Yeah. They're going to run. Yeah. They're going to run. It's like a dog on a leash trying to pull
• 52:18
  away. Exactly. So you want to be fused to that convict so that they know what it's like to be
• 52:24
  in society. Now, do you sign up to be the guy that gets connected to the convo? You can, you can,
• 52:30
  or you could just be unlucky. You could just be the wrong, nobody's making money. Who's,
• 52:36
  who's doing the spending? Who's doing the buying? Where's the business? Yeah. Where's the business?
• 52:41
  Okay. In my mind, in my mind, like if I want to make a little extra cash, I'm going to sign up
• 52:52
  for confused and then at random I will be linked handcuffed to a ex-convict. Exactly. The people
• 53:01
  that sign up do pay for it. Hold on. What? The people that do sign up do get paid for it.
• 53:07
  I got to pay to get linked to a convict. You got to pay to be linked to a convict. Yeah.
• 53:15
  Eventually somehow the convicts could pay for it. I guess. Yeah. It doesn't need to be fleshed out
• 53:21
  right now. Yeah. Government spending or something. And yeah, we'll pay, we'll pay people for signing
• 53:26
  up for it. Sure. We pay people that didn't sign up for it and just happened to get linked because
• 53:31
  they were walking down the street. No, no. Have you ever thought about doing it the other way around?
• 53:38
  So like when a person gets thrown into jail, do you ever hook them, handcuff them to a convict
• 53:42
  to show them around for a day? That could be a good idea. That could be, yeah, we could have the
• 53:48
  in and out. So when you get out, you get linked. And when you go in, you get linked. No, if you
• 53:53
  all have any ideas about how to make money off this, that'd be great. Yeah. There's, so I realized
• 53:58
  that Confuse is based around convicts. Are you planning on spreading to maybe more jobs? So like
• 54:03
  maybe I want to learn how to be a carpenter. Will you connect me and link me by a handcuff to a
• 54:11
  carpenter where he has to teach me because I'm handcuffed to his ankles? No, that's smart. That's
• 54:16
  how I'll actually make money off of this. I'll expand this business to people actually sign up
• 54:22
  for it to be linked to somebody else to learn their trade or to go on vacation with them or
• 54:27
  something. So hypothetically, I could go to Jacob's business and I would hire Confuse to maybe
• 54:36
  handcuff myself to him. And then he drags me around wrestling people in random situations.
• 54:42
  You'll have to like tag team in and out of it. Yeah. So the only business that Evan is doing is
• 54:48
  really just the handcuffing. It's really just kidnapping people. I think.
• 54:51
  A lot of kidnapping going on. You'll be amazed on how much kidnapping happens on this podcast.
• 54:58
  I believe I'm the only one that has provided a true service to people. Turning guys on.
• 55:04
  Okay. All right. It's not turning guys. It's to give them a little adrenaline. Like people go
• 55:10
  skydiving or people, you know, like maybe go to the gun range at a high school. And they just
• 55:16
  happen to get an erection. But anyway, I like that. I think I would honestly, based on the ideas that
• 55:25
  we've had today, I would use it to link myself to Jacob, who is not turning on guys. And then I
• 55:32
  would link myself to Alan. Right. And I would link myself to just random surrogates to then help them
• 55:37
  do their job. Yeah. Well, you could also link yourself if you were like ever wanting to be like
• 55:41
  a worm person. Yeah, that's true. I could do Alan's New Year's Illusion. I think it's a great
• 55:46
  business. You could have called it LinkedIn. You could have called it. You missed it. I like confused.
• 55:53
  I like confused because I'm confused. And so will be the. It works on multiple levels. Yeah.
• 56:00
  So will the person that you've linked to. There you go. Million dollar ideas. If you make a million
• 56:06
  dollars or a million bridges or the equivalent of a million dollars, go ahead and send us some money
• 56:11
  because like, you know, we gave you the idea, right? Like, you know, we would have made something
• 56:14
  off of this. A bridge or two, at least. Definitely. Definitely. At minimum, a bundle or two of a
• 56:19
  rubbery bar. Yeah. But, you know, as we often say, we are the wisest people on this planet. And
• 56:28
  with that comes the responsibility and power to bestow wisdom. So we're going to give some advice
• 56:33
  to some people. I need help. All right. For our first advice, we got a listener submitted a device.
• 56:47
  He writes this. Hello, my QD bros. What's up, guys? Don't know if you'll get this, but I have an issue.
• 56:55
  Okay. My girlfriend's birthday is on January 2nd and I've already gotten her everything I can think
• 57:00
  of for Christmas. This is our first year together, so I don't know what the hell to get her for her
• 57:04
  birthday. Now, I'm hoping you can answer and I can show her the episode. Her name is Olivia.
• 57:09
  Thanks anyway, Tyler. Why does he say he doesn't know if we'll get this as if it's a carrier pigeon?
• 57:15
  It's email, Tyler, like we're going to get it and see what happens. See where it goes. It's like he's
• 57:22
  writing back home from the war front. I don't know if you'll get this. Like he's like he's he acts like
• 57:29
  he's tying a little piece of paper around a pigeon's foot and it's just going to I hope it gets there.
• 57:34
  We quit using the QD pigeons at like episode 20. Yeah, like it was not efficient. We do still have
• 57:39
  the fax machine though. We do. That thing is humming in the background. I know you guys can hear it.
• 57:45
  Um, but Tyler, so you're you're in a predicament. You've already got all your Christmas gifts to
• 57:50
  your girlfriend. You've given her everything she wants. Um, and you you're looking for gift ideas
• 57:55
  and you come to the right place. So guys, what do y'all think? What do y'all think Tyler should get
• 57:58
  his girlfriend? I always say when in doubt, educator out. So OK, OK. You do say that a lot.
• 58:09
  The classic phrase I say all the time, all the time. You have t shirts with it.
• 58:16
  When in doubt, educator out. Yeah. So when you don't know what to do for your woman,
• 58:20
  just get her a National Geographic magazine. Oh, just get her the farmer's almanac from 1982.
• 58:28
  Just give her things where she can learn. Give her a thesaurus. Give her a dictionary.
• 58:35
  The latest Merrim Webster and just let her go to town on that bad boy. Yeah, just let her learn.
• 58:43
  Because what's what's more powerful than knowledge? What's sexier than just a 3000 page book? You want
• 58:50
  to get a woman hot? You give her an animal sounds book. Bad boy playing on the side. You know,
• 58:59
  those books that have the speaker on the side, but you flip through and look at the pages,
• 59:02
  get a bird sounds. Oh, my gosh. She'll be horny for you, big boy.
• 59:09
  It's good. So give her just books, just make a dictionary. Just learn her up real good.
• 59:15
  Oh, that's good. All right, Alan. What do you think Olivia's of Olivia and Tyler's gift should be?
• 59:22
  I don't know Olivia, but I do know women and they're mainly pretty much all the same.
• 59:28
  And what one thing that they really like is being in the kitchen.
• 59:34
  They seem to they seem to have a great time there. A lot of a lot of fun memories,
• 59:39
  I think, being made. Get Olivia a full dead deer. Just drag that thing into her kitchen,
• 59:48
  hang it up by its feet and just just let her gut it. Let her process that deer. Yeah. When she's done,
• 59:56
  you'll have you have meat for weeks, Tyler, and she'll have had a great time doing it. It is a
• 1:00:03
  win win situation. Nothing can go wrong here. Try it out. Bring in that day. It has to be dead.
• 1:00:09
  She you don't want her to kill it. I think it might give her too much power. OK.
• 1:00:16
  You know how women just soak up life from other living beings.
• 1:00:20
  Tyler, don't let her listen to this part, but this is just for you.
• 1:00:24
  Never let her kill an animal. She will get the upper hand on you and she will become the dominant
• 1:00:29
  one. Yeah. And all the dirty work to her and all all the all the other stuff can be her process.
• 1:00:35
  That bad boy. That's great. That's great. All right, Jacob, what do you think Tyler should
• 1:00:39
  give to Olivia for her birthday? You know, it's real. It's real tough saying because I don't know
• 1:00:45
  Olivia. I don't know Tyler. And, you know, so we're all just kind of shooting in the dark here.
• 1:00:51
  It's tough. So but I don't I don't agree with Evan. Don't don't like that. I don't think I don't
• 1:01:00
  think women should be educated. OK, so your gift idea is. I think I'm coming up with one right now.
• 1:01:12
  So so I'm just going to just crap on Evans idea here. But maybe if you want to get her something
• 1:01:19
  really nice, maybe maybe for Christmas, you gather like a nice bouquet of flowers. But I think every
• 1:01:25
  woman needs to see or be close to giraffes or elephants or maybe some other type of wild animal
• 1:01:32
  that that will get her hormones rocking and rolling. Yeah. They say that about giraffes.
• 1:01:39
  Yeah. I mean, you see something that long. I don't know how how you cannot.
• 1:01:44
  But yeah, like maybe like take her to the zoo or go capture, like I said, like a giraffe or
• 1:01:51
  like an elephant with something with a long trunk, big, long, long, like an anteater or something.
• 1:01:57
  Yeah. An eater would be good. Get get those hormones going. Get her excited about you.
• 1:02:02
  Your answer is get her animals that are basically euphemisms. Yeah, like like something something
• 1:02:10
  like that. Yeah. So just a zoo animal. Yeah. Maybe she comes home from work. She's tired.
• 1:02:15
  Feet hurt. Bang. Soon as soon as she walks in the there's a giraffe in the living room,
• 1:02:21
  you got a Brahmin bull just standing right there with his big old big old sack, just big old sack
• 1:02:27
  of basketballs just hanging between his legs. And yeah, I mean, she's ready to go. There's nothing
• 1:02:33
  there's nothing like feeling, you know, getting getting the feelings going because you already
• 1:02:37
  got her a bunch of meaningless crap, which no one, Tyler, you probably did.
• 1:02:42
  But you mean, it was crap like a flower or a nice dinner set. I was like, this lame.
• 1:02:49
  She doesn't want that. She wants to see a Brahmin bull. Then she wants you, Tyler, to be the bull.
• 1:02:55
  Wow. And advice and a gift. Wow.
• 1:03:01
  But there you go, Tyler. I hope you and Olivia have a fantastic birthday.
• 1:03:05
  I hope either you get her and you have to remember advice and advice.
• 1:03:10
  Legally, you have to do one. You have to do at least one. You can do all of them, but you have to do one.
• 1:03:18
  So I hope you get her a bunch of phallic zoo animals.
• 1:03:24
  I hope you get her a dead deer that she can cut up in the kitchen.
• 1:03:28
  And I hope you get some thesauruses and dictionaries and books and to help her learn.
• 1:03:34
  But you have to do one of them. You have to do one of them. But I think you should do all of them.
• 1:03:39
  Right. I think you go ahead and get her all of them.
• 1:03:41
  Legally, you got to do one. But your best bet is to do all three.
• 1:03:46
  I can't agree more.
• 1:03:48
  And let us know which one you do because you got to.
• 1:03:53
  Tyler, I hope that helps. But thank you all for writing in.
• 1:03:56
  But as tradition goes, one-liner wisdom for the Saturday workers.
• 1:04:00
  You can use flashcards to learn, but you don't want to learn the lesson that flashing a schoolyard will teach you.
• 1:04:11
  Oh, no.
• 1:04:13
  Thanks, Evan.
• 1:04:15
  Alan, what's your one-liner wisdom?
• 1:04:17
  Oh, God.
• 1:04:19
  Always pee in the toilet. Don't ever use a bucket because you're just going to have to dump that out.
• 1:04:25
  Very functional. Very good.
• 1:04:27
  Why has nobody thought of that? I've been peeing in buckets forever.
• 1:04:31
  All right, Jacob, one-liner wisdom. What do you have for the Saturday workers?
• 1:04:35
  If you're going to trim the hedges, don't get too close to the pipe.
• 1:04:39
  That could mean a multitude of different things about yard work.
• 1:04:43
  I'm sure it only has to do with yard work.
• 1:04:47
  Strictly yard work. Don't want to burst the pipe.
• 1:04:49
  There you go. Thank you all for listening to episode forty three, Questionable E-Tour.
• 1:04:53
  You all want to be done? Yep.
• 1:04:57
  An ordorv.
• 1:05:01
  An ordorv.
• 1:05:03
  You got it.
• 1:05:05
  An ordorv.
• 1:05:07
  Ordorv.
• 1:05:09
  Ordorv.
• 1:05:11
  Ordorv.
• 1:05:13
  Ordorv.
• 1:05:15
  Ordorv.
• 1:05:17
  Ordorv.
• 1:05:19
  Ordorv.
• 1:05:21
  He got us.
• 1:05:23
  Ordorv.
• 1:05:25
  Ordorv.