Latest / Camp Classics / UNLOCKED! Barb Wire (1996)

Transcript

UNLOCKED! Barb Wire (1996) · Camp Classics

0:00
Oh, hi, it's Crystal here. I hope you're enjoying the
0:04
festive Gooch. Baby and I took a couple of
0:07
weeks off over Christmas, but to tide you over until the new
0:11
year, we've decided to bring you the episode on one of our
0:14
favorite movies we covered this year, Barb Wire.
0:18
This movie was originally released as a Gatreon exclusive,
0:22
but we're unlocking it now for your Ear holes delight.
0:27
Our Gatriel members get a bonus episode every month, and they
0:30
also support us to occasionally take a little well deserved
0:34
break. Unfortunately, I didn't use my
0:37
break wisely. I just got drunk.
0:39
I don't know, maybe that is wise.
0:42
We'll be back soon with a new episode, but in the meantime,
0:45
please enjoy some quality time with Canada's second finest
0:50
export, Pamela Anderson. Get away from her, you bitch.
0:58
He was in the Amazon. When she was researching spiders
1:01
right before she died, No, I thought you become a prostitute
1:10
or a dog at it. I used to love doggy chow.
1:14
I used to love doggy chow too. I'm sorry, I'm going to say it.
1:19
You know what I'm going to say? Why are you saying it though?
1:21
Why do you get to say it? Fine, should we say it together?
1:26
Well, yeah, but it's like, oh God, OK, this this is the way
1:29
the podcast is going. Like my drag name is literally
1:33
baby, so it makes far more sense for me to say, but literally for
1:39
me to say don't call me babe, call me baby.
1:43
Yes, I'm baby lame. I mean literally, why can't you
1:47
just give me that? What were you going to say then?
1:49
How does it work for you? No, it doesn't work for me so.
1:53
You just you literally. Have it this.
1:55
Is the low of the podcast. You've literally gone to the
1:57
most basic line. Normally you're quite good with
2:00
this. I feel like I had something else
2:03
but. No, say it.
2:05
I mean, go on, say it. No, you're the bigger, you're
2:08
the biggest star here. You're the top Billings.
2:10
So you say it. I'll say something else.
2:15
How about? How about say it say?
2:16
It No, no, no. I've got something.
2:18
I've got something. No, I want you to say it now.
2:20
No, no, you already did it. I will rip your heart out of
2:27
your ass and stuff it down your throat.
2:29
Thank you, Crystal. That is way more in line with
2:33
you as a human being as well. I feel so.
2:39
And welcome to Camp Classics, a thoughtful podcast about stupid
2:48
movies. Or where two people have slowly
2:50
have a mental breakdown while tearing each other down in the
2:54
process. Just don't call us, babe.
2:57
No, I wish someone would call me babe.
3:00
If if a drag queen calls you babe, it's because she doesn't
3:02
know your name. Oh yeah, totally.
3:07
Honestly, the number of people that I only know is babe.
3:12
Hundreds, hundreds always as well.
3:14
Like when you're like, yeah, like I get this with everyone.
3:17
Like any bar, I go to anything if there's someone that knows me
3:20
and I just don't know anyone. No, I.
3:22
Don't know anyone's name at all. And then I always, and then I
3:25
think I know someone and then clearly I embarrass myself
3:27
because they're like, I don't know you.
3:29
So there's, there's like, I'm like, I just, I never know how
3:33
to play it with people. That's what Tammy was really
3:36
talking about in this movie, wasn't she?
3:38
Just like she's like, I'd like people to learn names again.
3:42
We've lost a sense of common decency, politeness and respect
3:47
in this world. And just going by these faceless
3:52
names that you can call anyone, it's just not serving us as a
3:55
community, so. Yeah.
3:56
And I mean, it's got to such a bad point if if that does
3:59
continue to happen, I will find an inventive way to kill you.
4:04
That's actually what caused the Civil War in this movie.
4:09
Oh, is that the oh, that's the prequel that was never made?
4:12
Oh. It's called Babe.
4:18
The only other babe that came into my head then, which sounds
4:21
like you at the moment, babe. A pig in the city control.
4:28
Yourself. Yes.
4:31
I'm coming to you direct from the City of Angels.
4:35
LALA, the city, Oh no, it's not the city of sin, it's the city
4:39
of angels, isn't. It City of Angels, Yeah.
4:41
And do you not while I'm here? Do you feel like you're in LA?
4:46
Do you kind of like cosplay as an LA person while you're there?
4:49
Well, I did go to a party on Sunday and someone offered to
4:55
send me a script. No, I was like, I'm having the
4:59
most LA experience of my own life.
5:01
Fuck off. Yeah, it's so fun.
5:04
Oh. My God, do you know anything or
5:06
more about the? Script.
5:07
Sure, sure. So it's my friend Mono, who's a
5:09
comedian, and he's written a drag murder mystery.
5:12
And he actually wrote it a few years ago.
5:15
And he wrote a character with me in mind and he told me about it
5:18
years ago. But on Sunday he saw me.
5:20
He's like, I really should send you that script.
5:22
I was like, Oh my God, I'm in it.
5:24
I'm. I'm in LA.
5:25
I'm in LA, I'm like, you can send it to me.
5:27
I don't know what I'll do with it.
5:28
I don't know what you're supposed to do with you.
5:29
Receive a script and and the idea that there's a script that
5:33
I would turn down. Yeah, exactly.
5:38
Oh, no, that's fabulous. No, you should.
5:39
You should work that angle while you're out there.
5:42
You've got a couple more days, you know, get some meetings.
5:44
In a lunch. Yeah, get a lunch in, maybe
5:48
pitch some ideas to some. You're living in ATV producers
5:52
house at the moment aren't you? I am.
5:54
Pitch some formats. Come on.
5:56
Surrounded by post, it notes that say things like Jamie Foxx,
6:01
BBC Studios, classic games, Oh. My God, you're in the hub.
6:07
You're in the hub of entertainment.
6:09
Yeah. Maybe a movie made of this
6:11
podcast. Oh, yeah.
6:16
Who would play us? Oh.
6:20
We could play each other. We could play each other.
6:22
You're, you're the actor now, aren't you?
6:23
So I'll. Be starring as Baby Lame.
6:26
Well, I don't believe it should be, like, genders or anything.
6:28
So I would like Aubrey Plaza to play me.
6:31
I just think that's kind of the angle I'd like.
6:33
Yeah. I mean, I don't think I'm
6:35
anything like Colby Plaza, but in my head I am.
6:39
She's talking about, like, a potential camp classic.
6:43
She's in the, like a lesbian cop film coming out soon.
6:48
Oh, OK With what's her name from the substance?
6:52
Really. Yeah.
6:53
What's her name? Sorry listeners, you're
6:57
listening to a film podcast and we can't name one of the biggest
6:59
films. What is her name The.
7:02
Daughter of What's a Chop? Yeah, yeah, Andy Mcdowell's
7:05
daughter. Margaret Quali, control
7:09
yourself. She's in the movie with Margaret
7:12
Quali and lesbian love interest, so it could be like the
7:15
Newbound, so I think we should. See.
7:17
Wait, so we have a cop? A female cop movie already
7:22
called Hot Fuzz, but that one wasn't lesbian.
7:26
No, there was also the other one.
7:28
There was but. It was called Hot Fuzz.
7:29
Yeah, I didn't even think about the fuzz of it.
7:32
Lesbian. That's a great name for a film,
7:36
isn't it? Yeah, maybe it's a remake.
7:38
Shame they already. Yeah.
7:39
Shame. It was shame that name was
7:40
already taken. What was I going to say?
7:42
Are we on the Gatrian? We're on the Gatrian.
7:45
That's what I was going to say. Yeah.
7:46
Welcome to the Gatrian. You're a Gatrian member, so you
7:49
know the score. You know how this podcast works.
7:50
But we are so thankful for your support and for you helping make
7:55
this podcast happen. Thank you for being here.
7:57
You're not just a Gatrian member, you're a fucking
8:00
incredible human being and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
8:04
You. Your family.
8:05
You, what you bring into our world is like something that
8:09
can't be bought, something that can't be exchanged physically.
8:12
It's a spiritual, spiritual connection.
8:15
It's really community we're building here, isn't it?
8:19
We're building. That's good.
8:22
I like that camp. Classic cult.
8:25
Yeah, we love, well, we love you for subscribing.
8:27
So thank you. We do for that.
8:29
But. Baby, before we go any further,
8:32
what makes a camp classic? Well I was wondering, should I
8:35
try and do this Alibaba wire today?
8:38
Oh yeah, please. OK.
8:39
What makes a camp classic? It needs to unlock with joy.
8:47
I want to get a tingle. It needs to have an ongoing
8:52
legacy. It's stupid.
8:56
It informs queer pop culture. It should be anti mainstream
9:01
underdog pop buzz. It's very hard.
9:04
It's actually very hard to be a Pamela Anderson and speak like.
9:07
That hard to be as disaffected as as her.
9:10
Yeah, wow, that was a real. I mean, I'm not the actor of the
9:12
duo, so I can only apologize for that Crystal.
9:15
But yeah, basically we want something that is just anti all
9:19
the shit that we see in mainstream cinema and we want
9:22
something that's just going to make us laugh and make us feel
9:24
queer and excited about that. Yeah, and we are, of course,
9:28
covering 96's Barbed Wire starring Pamela Anderson Lee.
9:35
Pamela Anderson Lee, of course. Well, should we get into this
9:41
movie? Yeah.
9:42
Let's do it. So box office reviews, etcetera.
9:47
This movie was a flop. It it flopped about as hard as a
9:52
movie can. Flop budget of $9 million.
9:55
It made just under 4 million and it wasn't even released
9:58
internationally. So that was it.
9:59
It wasn't. It wasn't.
10:00
Released internationally. Apparently not.
10:02
No. No box office for Europe.
10:06
Oh my God, yeah. Also, $9 million is not a lot
10:12
for a film. No, it's not.
10:14
It's a really small budget. I mean you, you can absolutely
10:17
see that how the money has been spent, but fuck me that's, I
10:24
mean poor Pammy. This was meant to be her
10:27
breakthrough moment. Wasn't it?
10:29
Yeah, it was. It was critically a disaster as
10:33
well. It's got 28% on Rotten Tomatoes.
10:36
It was nominated for six Razzies.
10:39
How did it do? It only one worst new star for
10:42
Pamela Anderson Lee. Yeah, and that even sounds like
10:46
a made-up category because they do like to make up a category at
10:49
the Razzies because she was also nominated for Worst actress.
10:52
Yeah, that that. Yeah, they've just literally
10:54
gone. How can we bring her down?
10:57
Yeah, not a not a hit, let's say, but this is the quote I
11:01
found from Roger Ebert which I think sums up my opinion about
11:05
this movie as well. Roger Ebert said the film makers
11:08
must have known they were not making a good movie, but they
11:10
didn't use that as an excuse to be boring and lazy.
11:14
Barbed wire has a high energy level and a sense of deranged
11:17
fun. I mean, that sounds quite
11:20
beautifully aspirational to me. I know I don't have a good life,
11:25
but I'm just going to be as deranged and put as much energy
11:28
as possible into it. Yeah, absolutely.
11:31
Absolutely. But yeah, I What's your history
11:35
with this movie? Because I had never seen it.
11:38
I don't think I'd ever seen it all the way through.
11:41
I obviously was just aware with like the imagery of it all and
11:45
maybe I'd seen some adverts with like, Don't Call Me Babe, but it
11:48
wasn't something that I was like, Oh yeah, that's a camp
11:52
cult film. I just knew it was out there and
11:55
my previous memory of it was there.
11:57
It wasn't that interesting. So right, it's not something
12:00
I've revisited until for this podcast, personally.
12:04
Yeah, I've never seen it either, but I started watching it on
12:09
Sunday night around midnight in a taxi going the whole way
12:14
across LA Yeah, I was on the freeway for 30 minutes watching
12:17
barbed Wire, really, really drunk.
12:19
And honestly, I think that is the best way to watch this
12:22
movie. I mean, especially the opening
12:24
scene, yeah. Cruising down like the motorway
12:28
and like. I got all the way until she
12:31
knocks out that GIMP and I was like, I'm having the time of my
12:34
life, yeah. I mean, where do you sit with
12:38
old Pammy, You know, because she is, she is one of your people.
12:41
Isn't she a Canadian goddess? Like, is she, is she like one of
12:44
your big, you know, home country people that you, you worship?
12:48
Where does she rate? I think I kind of missed her in
12:50
the 90s a bit because I was never a Baywatch person, but
12:54
like, she was everywhere, wasn't she?
12:56
Like you couldn't, you couldn't escape her.
12:58
She was in the culture. But I guess I never like really
13:02
fell in love with any of the media that she produced.
13:05
I love her look, though. I mean, she is like the
13:07
blueprint for a certain kind of drag.
13:09
And it's it's the kind I absolutely love.
13:13
She's just so hot. She's so stylized.
13:17
Those thin brows, that smoky eye, that wispy fringe.
13:22
It's just like, it's sensational.
13:24
It's sensational. Watching it again and looking at
13:28
the way she looks on camera and her face, I was just like, it's
13:32
beyond God levels. Like there's something like
13:36
really special. It's kind of like, I guess how
13:38
some people may feel about like Marilyn Monroe or something.
13:40
Do you know what I mean? Because I feel like Marilyn
13:42
Monroe is like such a you sort of associate it with such like a
13:45
cheesy image now, don't you? But like, maybe for our
13:48
generation, she is that Marilyn Monroe.
13:51
But there's there's something like so you can't keep your eyes
13:56
off of her. And it's not just because her
13:58
tits are out constantly. Yeah, totally.
14:01
She's had such an interesting run, hasn't she?
14:03
Like I loved that documentary last year.
14:06
It was so fabulous. I didn't watch the Pam and Tommy
14:12
series because did you watch it? No, because I don't.
14:17
I didn't think she was supporting.
14:19
Yeah, exactly. And I just kind of hate that.
14:21
I think that's just a bit of shit, isn't it?
14:22
Yeah, so it's just like another chance to profit off of her sex
14:25
tape basically without her consent, which.
14:27
Yeah, which is, which was the whole problem with the sex tape
14:30
in the 1st place. I mean, I think they got around
14:32
to like monetizing it in the end, didn't they?
14:34
But it was just like so much money was made off the back of
14:37
their personal tape. It's.
14:39
And it was stolen and yeah, awful.
14:42
But yeah, it's like she, because it was really interesting, like
14:45
what I was reading about her reasoning for choosing this
14:49
role. And a lot of it was just looking
14:51
at Jane Fonda and like the kind of career trajectory that Jane
14:55
Fonda had. Because obviously Jane Fonda was
14:57
this like sex part in Barbarella, but then also like
15:02
hugely politicized, had lots of like other campaigns that she
15:05
wanted to do and like kind of used her beauty and her sexiness
15:10
to kind of open up doors for herself and also challenge that.
15:15
I don't think, I don't think Jane Fonda's ever gone.
15:17
Oh, I regret those times where I was a hottie.
15:21
I hope they use me. What am I here for if not to be
15:25
used by good people for good things?
15:27
Just also sort of showing that you can be both and I think
15:30
that's something that I felt watching this movie back was
15:33
obviously we've had so much like on Pamela Anderson over the
15:36
years, especially like the reviews about this film was, you
15:38
know, what an airhead, you know, too much makeup tart, blah,
15:43
blah, blah. Whereas I just, all I see is to
15:45
someone who just is incredibly sexy, incredibly sexy and like
15:49
confident in herself. Yeah, I felt so empowered by
15:54
her. Yeah, yeah, I totally agree.
15:57
I totally agree. Yeah, the Jane Fonda thing is so
15:59
interesting. And especially because like
16:02
Barbarella for some reason is like Barbarella is also a really
16:05
bad movie. And I guess maybe the difference
16:08
is that Jane Fonda is a good actress and unfortunately Pamela
16:12
Anderson probably isn't, which is something we can discuss
16:15
more. But like, it's interesting that
16:17
Barbarella's kind of endured as this like, cult film, even
16:21
though it's a bad movie, it's definitely AB movie kind of
16:23
thing. And Barbarella's getting remade
16:26
with, yeah, with Sydney Sweeney. Oh.
16:31
So I mean, that's interesting. I wonder if barbed wire will
16:35
ever get that, but it feels like it's kind of escaped sort of the
16:37
cult audience in a weird way. You kind of you when you Google
16:41
like, barbed wire remakes, like normally when you just Google
16:44
films it, you know, because it's so easy to just put a like a
16:46
rumour out there. Yeah, no rumours come up.
16:49
There's no one attached to the project.
16:51
There's no like, oh, it was nearly remade 10 years ago with
16:54
so and so. Yeah.
16:56
It just feels like it slipped under the radar.
16:58
Yeah, it's too bad. Did.
17:02
What about the last show, Girl? You've seen it, haven't you?
17:04
Yeah, I actually quite liked it. You weren't a fan, were you?
17:07
No, it didn't do it for me, but I'm, I mean, I am just such a
17:12
fan of her and I would like want her success so bad.
17:16
Yeah, I. Thought I thought, yeah, I
17:18
didn't quite didn't quite buy into all of the kind of like
17:23
Oscar buzz that they were pushing out around it, but I
17:26
thought I thought it was kind of a cute small little film.
17:29
I don't, you know, I don't think she was incredible in it, but I
17:32
kind of bought this idea that she was like, I want to be sort
17:35
of like showgirl, like the way she spoke about the like
17:38
conductor and stuff. I kind of kind of bought it a
17:40
bit. I thought Jamie Lee Curtis was
17:42
amazing in it though, and that and like kind of just chewed off
17:46
all of the scenery in the film. Didn't.
17:48
She was so good. She was so good.
17:50
Coldplay do a matinee? What about a 12 noon concert?
17:56
Coldplay. What about?
17:57
It but again, it's really hard because that that again had
18:00
clearly no budget. And so it's like you've got
18:03
you've got this person, this star, he's got a big spotlight
18:07
and a focus on her. And actually if there was more
18:10
money, maybe a better film could have come out of it.
18:13
But it's just it's it's kind of this weird and again, it's this
18:15
weird thing with barbed wire. It's like this huge mega star
18:18
known around the world, but kind of no one's really putting that
18:22
much money behind it to make it a success, so.
18:25
Yeah, yeah, maybe it didn't really have a chance.
18:27
On the other hand, she is also really quite bad in this movie.
18:31
Like in in in in certain objective ways.
18:35
I like to think that she was committed to the character.
18:39
So. And I think I think clearly what
18:43
happened to her, as we saw in the flashback to when she wasn't
18:48
wearing makeup and she clearly was a much more innocent young
18:51
kind of gal, times have been tough.
18:54
She's had to put on a barrier. She's had to toughen up.
18:57
And that, you know, that's the only way to survive in 2017 is
19:00
to really build that barrier. So.
19:05
Well, should we get into the part of this?
19:07
Movie can I just say when they when the year came up in the
19:10
film and it is 2017, I was like oh lol that's in two years time.
19:15
And then I was like, no shit, it's 2000.
19:18
And 25. I'm like, wow, really, really.
19:20
Time is slipping away. But I was literally like 2017.
19:24
That hasn't happened yet. Oh, maybe it will be happening.
19:27
Hey, no. I mean, maybe it will though the
19:30
this movie takes place during the Second American Civil War.
19:34
I feel like they probably were out by about 10 years.
19:36
But yeah, give it 2027. It's happening.
19:41
I can see it. Fucking hell.
19:43
So yeah, we are. Let's get into the spot.
19:45
We are in the year 2017. It's the future and it's during
19:52
the second American Civil War. Steel Harbour is the last free
19:56
city in the United States. The Congressional Directorate
20:01
are the Nazis running most of the US.
20:03
We've got an opening scene and it is our girl Barb doing.
20:08
I mean, I love how often she's called Barb.
20:12
The name doesn't work unless you say barbed wire.
20:14
No, totally. Because I think of Barb and
20:16
Star, Yeah. Or I think of the drag performer
20:18
Barbs. Yeah.
20:21
And also they they love to call her Miss Wire which also doesn't
20:25
work for me. But listen, that is an opening
20:28
show. I want tickets to that show.
20:33
Yeah, so she's doing a very, very wet strip, not a
20:37
striptease. She's just sat on a trapeze
20:39
getting hosed basically. And just like tits are fully
20:45
out, aren't they? I wonder which version you
20:47
watched because did you watch it on dailymotion?
20:50
No, I watched it on Amazon Prime I.
20:52
Think right, so that's the unrated 1, so you get a lot of
20:55
nipple. Oh yeah, Because I was about to
20:56
say like, they are not because wasn't there something that the
21:00
director was like, pressurized to include more nudity in this
21:03
movie? Yeah, I think so.
21:05
I think they wanted it sexier. And then Pamela had the idea for
21:08
this, see, because she'd she'd had a nightmare about being
21:13
hosed with champagne during a striptease or something.
21:16
She said it was a nightmare. I don't know, she's like, but
21:17
let's do that. So this was her idea.
21:20
I mean, I'd hate that risk assessment, that performance,
21:22
because they want water. Like imagine how long it would
21:24
take to clean up. But fuck me sexy.
21:28
Yeah, so hot. She looks so good.
21:30
You literally like, why wouldn't you?
21:32
I mean, I know that it's probably incredibly problematic
21:35
with the male gaze of camera etcetera, etcetera.
21:38
But all of that aside, if you had that body, why wouldn't you
21:41
just want to be celebrating it? And like, it's unbelievable how?
21:47
Hot she is. Yeah.
21:50
Yeah. The male gaze of it all comes up
21:52
so much during this movie. Like it's obviously doesn't
21:54
factor in for me because I don't want to bone her.
21:59
I but I just love looking at her so much.
22:02
It's just so I find it so empowering.
22:05
It's annoying to also realize that like, so many teen boys
22:08
probably rented this movie and wanked over it, but then also
22:10
like, maybe that's great too. Yeah, I feel like I know lots of
22:14
like female friends that that would now wank to this as well.
22:18
I feel like she's it's been reclaimed in that sense to get
22:20
go. So the problematic female gaze
22:23
is here as well. Yes, the gaze is happening.
22:27
The gaze is gazing because those are out.
22:30
You mean the gaze? Yeah, the gaze.
22:33
Oh, it's all the gaze, the gaze, the days, everything do.
22:37
You know that Kate Blanchett clip, right?
22:39
No, I don't know meme culture, sorry.
22:42
Well, it's really good. Someone's like, someone's saying
22:44
to her, Kate, you're known for your evil gaze.
22:48
And she's like, I am. It's like, yeah, yeah, you know,
22:50
you're classic evil gays. She's like my gays.
22:55
And she's like, oh, my gays. I thought you meant the gays.
22:59
Oh, you mean the gays, not the gays.
23:02
Well, imagine if gays were watching this show.
23:04
It would be a very different response to those guys.
23:06
I mean, I'd probably kill the gays quicker than she kills,
23:10
kills that guy. But could you imagine it'd just
23:12
be like? Yeah.
23:15
Oh, she's wet. Mother.
23:18
So yeah, Pammy is getting catcalled by a gross, slutty man
23:23
in the audience. He's like, take it off, take it
23:26
off faster. Take it off, babe.
23:29
And we learned right here that babe is her trigger word.
23:32
Do not call her babe. She takes off her stiletto and
23:35
she throws it at him, impaling him in the head with her
23:38
stiletto. Don't call me babe.
23:42
Can I just slow clap? Can I just slow clap?
23:46
I mean what? What else?
23:49
What else? Like on this podcast?
23:50
What else are we looking for in an opening?
23:52
Scene. I can't think of a better way to
23:54
start a movie. And the soundtrack is that kind
23:56
of like rocky slash dancey industrial, which is so a
24:00
product of this time that I'm, I don't listen.
24:02
I don't listen to that music. But whenever it comes on, I'm
24:05
like, Oh yes. It's so good.
24:10
Then she goes backstage and we learn it's her first night as a
24:14
stripper. There's some really baffling
24:16
dialogue, including a woman who sounds like she's speaking
24:20
French, and then the other girl says she's Chinese.
24:23
OK, I'm not sure why that was in there, but Pam, we learn, is
24:28
actually there to rescue a girl. So she leaves the changing room
24:32
and kills a man with a cigarette blow dart, which is also great.
24:37
Pulls the girl out of a meat locker and they escaped by
24:41
batmaning out a window. And I also something I love
24:44
about this is like it's giving like very Catwoman vibes.
24:48
Michelle Pfeiffer, Like it's she's helping the woman, but she
24:52
also hates her as well. She's like, it's not like, so
24:54
like, come here, give me a hug. It's like, get up.
24:57
Yeah. Froze her down the chute.
24:59
What does Michelle Pfeiffer say to that woman she rescues and.
25:03
What is it like? You make it so easy.
25:05
You make it so easy, don't you? Always waiting for some bad man
25:10
to save you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:12
It's so good. It's you're right.
25:14
It's exactly that energy. It's so good.
25:16
But yeah, because Barb isn't a stripper at all.
25:18
She's a bounty hunter. Yeah, she is.
25:21
Yeah, she returns the girl to her family, takes the money and
25:27
their car. Can we?
25:28
And I'm like can. We also talk locked in, but
25:30
like, how bad was that that guy's accent?
25:34
Oh. Yeah.
25:35
It was like literally jarringly bad.
25:37
It's like he doesn't need to be British.
25:40
Like no, no, just make him American.
25:42
Yeah, just it was, I was just like, what the fuck.
25:47
But yeah. But then it had that mean, mean
25:49
and Moody like Neo Noir voice over from her, didn't it?
25:52
Where it was like, I guess I'll take the car.
25:55
Yeah, not bad for a night's work.
25:58
And it's like a shot of her, like in a sunset.
26:01
And that's what you get for being a bad girl in a tough
26:04
town. Yeah, I thought I could handle
26:07
these mean streets, but blah, blah, blah.
26:09
It's very that. But it's great, the car plus
26:12
the. Cash.
26:13
Not a bad night's work. Well, how do you do that?
26:16
You just snapped into character. Oh my God.
26:18
I was just really impressed by the work there.
26:21
That was great. Thank you.
26:22
Well, that's actually what I do when a time I'm driving in a
26:24
taxi in LA. I'm just like, monologuing is a
26:29
hard night of hooking, but somebody had to do it after a
26:33
long night of hooking. Trey didn't like the session, so
26:39
he had good at me. Anyway, it's an excellent setup.
26:42
She's like an amoral, tough, sexy character.
26:46
She doesn't give a fuck. I'm I'm like so on board.
26:50
So on board. What what's the not to be on
26:52
board with in that situation? Yeah.
26:55
I mean, it's it's quite clear from immediate that she's not
26:59
going to be great at doing the acting.
27:06
But I'd say my overall feeling about this movie is like, I
27:10
would change a lot about this movie.
27:11
I don't think anything she does is I would change.
27:14
No, I agree. I wish the movie overall was
27:17
better and that she could be landed in it doing exactly the
27:21
same thing because I think it would make it really fun, but
27:24
because she's so watchable. She's so watchable.
27:26
And it's the other thing is it's like, yeah, like you said, like
27:29
they sort of set up these kind of quite cool ways that she
27:32
kills people, but then that sort of fizzles out, doesn't it?
27:37
She doesn't really have that many more things up her sleeve
27:40
after that. It's sort of no, Yeah, front
27:42
loaded it. Yeah, then we've got a scene
27:46
with our villain who is torturing a girl in a metal Borg
27:51
style bikini, which is just. So fucking ridiculous.
27:55
Yeah, it's so silly. She's having her mind read and
27:57
being electrocuted. Everything's all like she's.
28:01
Why is she in a bikini? I don't know, metal bikini.
28:04
It's it is quite. It is quite.
28:06
Fab. And she's like kind of orgasming
28:08
as well, isn't she? Yeah, yeah.
28:10
But he kills her and this is where we get our set up for the
28:14
the villain. So he's the evil Nazi Colonel
28:17
Prizer, and he's looking for Cora Dee, who sounds like a 90s
28:23
like dance act. Let me be your fantasy Cora Dee.
28:30
She is a former government scientist with a cure to the
28:34
Congressional director. It's new bio weapon which is a
28:37
mutated form of HIV. What was it called as well?
28:41
Something like ribbon some. Red Ribbon?
28:43
Fucking hell yeah. I mean, that is so the product
28:46
of the 90s, isn't it? Because they were like hating on
28:49
the AIDS big time then, yeah. But I guess this movie doesn't
28:53
really take a stand on it, does it?
28:56
No, it doesn't take a stand on anything, though it does it
28:58
really. No, I was just wondering like
29:00
what the movies take on ATV is this.
29:02
I guess you could, you could say they're raising awareness.
29:07
Cool. Well, hopefully they donated
29:09
some money. But yeah, Cora D, our scientist,
29:13
is on the run and she has just arrived in Steel Harbour with
29:17
Axel Hood. And she's just had plastic
29:19
surgery as well, hasn't she? Has.
29:21
Yeah, for some reason. I guess that's important to the
29:25
plot, yeah. I mean because.
29:27
She she's in hiding. She could have given me a bit
29:29
more like kind of, I don't know, something a bit more exciting.
29:32
Like she's gorgeous. She's very, it's very, I mean,
29:35
the surgeon's great. It's very good work.
29:37
I'll say that. You can't.
29:38
Tell it looks very natural yeah very natural.
29:42
So her and Axel need to get to Canada and and in order to do
29:46
that they need some special contact lenses to get through
29:51
the border. Wow, there's nothing sexier than
29:54
contact lenses. There's a.
29:55
Main plot device is a. Contact lenses, yeah, that is
30:00
the Mac Guffin of this movie. That is the reason we're here.
30:03
This whole movie is going to be about getting a pair of contact
30:05
lenses. And it's not even like it's set
30:07
in the future. So it's not even like we're
30:09
going to, you know, give you different eyeballs or something.
30:12
A bit like freaky. Nope.
30:13
It's just this contacts. Just some contact lenses.
30:16
That's the only way she's going to get to Canada.
30:21
So our girl Barb runs a nightclub called the Hammerhead,
30:26
where everyone is welcome because Barb doesn't take sides.
30:29
I mean, I love this club. Yeah, of course you do.
30:32
It's like the dream venue. Yeah, it's so great.
30:35
It's just like, Oh my God, I want to like go there every
30:38
single night. I want to perform there.
30:40
I just want to. It's the kind of place that
30:43
you're surprised someone is an angle grinding in the corner.
30:45
Yeah, but it's like she runs a great bar.
30:50
And this is what I will say. This is what I love about
30:52
apocalyptic features. Underground subcultures and
30:55
fetish wear will always thrive. Yeah, everyone's wearing a
30:59
choker. The extras, every extra is
31:02
serving in this movie. The looks are so good.
31:07
Did you see that girl with the, like, the big side, parted red
31:11
hair and the tits out? Yeah, she's like in a bustier.
31:14
Tits out. Oh, she looks so good.
31:16
It's this classic. Yeah.
31:18
Like classic, like, centerfold 90s metal rock'n'roll Moto
31:24
chick. Yeah.
31:26
Here for it. Yeah, we've got Udo Keir playing
31:29
Curly, who runs Barb's bar. He's Do you know this man?
31:34
I've seen him in 90s films before but I didn't know
31:37
anything about him but I just recognized his face.
31:40
Yeah, I love this man. Guess how many movies Udo Keir
31:45
has been in? I like, well, it's going to be a
31:48
lot, but I'm going to say like 40, but.
31:51
Over 220. Wow.
31:53
He he has averaged 4 movies a year for his career.
31:58
Wow. Which is.
31:59
Which is spent 50 years. And is he still alive?
32:02
Is he still with us? He lives in Palm Springs with
32:04
his husband and. He's a guy as well, yeah.
32:07
He's been, he's been out the whole time.
32:09
He just said it was never a big deal.
32:11
Do you know he was in Madonna's Erotica music video and in
32:14
Madonna's Sex Book? No.
32:17
He he was, he was in the original Suspiria.
32:21
He was in Blade. He's done loads of work with
32:25
Lars von Trier. He's basically, he will say yes
32:27
to everything, but he's done some really cool stuff.
32:30
What a life, yeah. Like, and just imagine being
32:33
like, even like even like a credit like this.
32:36
It might not be the most prestigious credit, but to be,
32:40
you know, the wingman to barbed wire is a pretty fucking
32:44
amazing. I'm sure there's some like great
32:45
storylines there to off camera. Yeah.
32:48
Yeah, yeah. So I love him.
32:50
I love him. And he's basically playing like
32:52
the gay, the gay best friend. Yeah, he's the he's the Alfred
32:56
to her Batman. Yeah, it's very that there are
32:58
lots of those like kind of comparisons with Batman in this
33:00
film, I think. Yeah, but we learned that Barb
33:03
is strapped for cash and she's not making enough to pay her
33:06
staff at the bar. So, you know, she carries about
33:09
making sure people get paid on time.
33:10
So she's got to take another job and.
33:12
What's that job going to be? Well then we cut to her on the
33:16
street as a prostitute. Yeah, I mean, it makes sense.
33:19
It's like, it makes sense, you know, Well, obviously she wasn't
33:21
going to be invited back to be a stripper when she killed
33:24
someone. So, you know, she needs to think
33:26
on her feet. What else can I do?
33:28
And, you know, obviously as a hot blonde, the only other thing
33:32
she could do is be a prostitute. It makes complete sense.
33:35
I love this bit, though, because there is a moment where you're
33:37
like, well, maybe she is just going to hook.
33:39
Yeah. And like, that's how she's going
33:41
to make some extra cash. Again, that's why, like, people
33:43
like us watching these films, beers way differently to other
33:46
people because we're like, sex workers work.
33:48
Go for it, girlie. There you go.
33:49
Yeah. Girls got to eat.
33:52
Dick, sorry. She picks up a John and he asks
34:00
to see her license and you see a flash of her card that says
34:03
license for prostitution, which is so great, so great.
34:08
And she takes him home. I love this scene.
34:10
It's I love this scene. So he's like, he tries to get
34:13
with her and she's like, why don't you slip into something
34:15
more comfortable? And he says, I was thinking
34:19
something less comfortable. And then he comes out in a full
34:23
GIMP suit and it's just amazing. It's it's clear this movie has
34:29
no respect for men from this scene.
34:31
And that's what I really, really.
34:32
Really. And then and then what is it as
34:34
well? Like, did you wash your hands?
34:37
And he's like. No, I was bad, yeah.
34:39
I know like a little. Brown No, I was naughty, and she
34:45
says. I'm so glad to hear that.
34:47
Yeah, it's great. Yeah, and then she takes his
34:49
paddle to give him a spanking. She says turn around, and then
34:53
she knocks him out. No, no, because Barb doesn't
34:56
take shit. She's actually there to get the
34:58
guy in the room next door. She uses some plastic
35:01
explosives, blows through the wall.
35:03
And then we've got our first big action scene where she does a
35:06
shootout and kills another man who calls her babe and kidnaps
35:13
this man who is a bail jumper. But also, it turns out has the
35:17
contact lenses. Now just quickly interrupt.
35:21
Obviously as you said, we know what her trigger is.
35:23
Now what? What do you get annoyed when?
35:25
What if people call you something?
35:27
What? What's your like trigger word?
35:29
What's do you have one? No, I don't.
35:30
But then as I'm thinking, it's probably just going to be
35:32
something like fag, isn't it? It's actually probably going to
35:35
be something quite nasty. And like, don't call me.
35:39
Actually don't. Don't call me baby Lemay, that
35:42
is. Baby Lemay is a big one for me.
35:44
Yeah. Owen Jones thinks my name is
35:47
Crystal. Whenever I see him out, he'll
35:52
introduce me to whatever Baggies with him.
35:54
Like he's a little bit like, this is Crystal.
35:56
I'm like I can't be bothered to explain this.
35:59
Well, you you could explain it in the pammy way and just kind
36:01
of. Hit him.
36:03
Call me Crystal. Feel through the head.
36:05
Yeah. Great.
36:06
There you go. Put it into practice, it might
36:08
work. Contact lenses, sorry.
36:12
Yeah, contact lenses. She's kidnapped this man.
36:15
She takes him to the guy who's hired her.
36:18
I like that she extorts him for Canadian dollars.
36:20
She doesn't want American. She wants Canadian because
36:22
that's the world we're living in.
36:23
Yep. Drops off the man, she doesn't
36:26
know the contact lenses is there, blah, blah, blah.
36:27
Who cares? Back at the bar, we have a scene
36:30
of her dancing with a soldier. I thought it was kind of cute.
36:33
It's like showing that she's like a woman of the people,
36:36
isn't it? Yeah, it also shows.
36:38
Yeah, because you know, she can't style her hair for all
36:40
occasions because her hair looked terrible.
36:44
This was the when her hair was really flat.
36:45
Yeah, I'm just like some parts I'm like, I know she's been up
36:50
against it, but like, where's the fantasy of like the perfect
36:53
dude? Like sometimes it literally
36:54
looks like she's been through it.
36:56
Do you know what I? Mean, do you think, do you think
36:57
it was like wig versus not because sometimes it is so
37:01
wiggy? Wig.
37:02
Did you just say Wig? Yes.
37:03
Just looks thirsty. But maybe it's just her hair.
37:06
You know what I mean? Yeah, I.
37:07
Don't know, but I, because I think do you know, the person
37:10
who like created this look was that they died a few years ago.
37:13
It was her makeup artist called Alexis Vogel.
37:16
And if you look at this woman, she is incredible.
37:20
Like she clearly just mastered the back tease of the hair.
37:25
They're like thin, thin eyebrows, like the overdrawn
37:28
lips. And you're just like, oh,
37:30
apparently she was one of the reasons why Pammy decided to
37:33
ditch wearing makeup all the time.
37:35
She just said that no one could do it like her.
37:37
And she just kind of and she just they had such like a
37:39
brilliant working relationship and friendship together that
37:42
when she went it just the fun kind of went of it.
37:45
But again, I was just like imagine being the person that
37:48
created that like stamp. That look icon.
37:52
And also as well the costume designer and died 3 days ago.
37:58
Oh, but she also, she worked on so many big films, but she
38:02
worked on Carrie as a costume designer.
38:05
Oh wow. She's literally just done all of
38:07
these different films because her costumes are so beautiful.
38:12
The corset tree. Oh, it's just like quality,
38:15
quality, quality. Yeah, the silhouettes are
38:18
amazing. There's a scene the first time
38:21
she's in the nightclub as well, I guess, when you first see her
38:24
in that corset, I think, and she's being lit through like a
38:28
slatted blind. It just looks so hot.
38:32
And her ass, like her ass is ridiculous.
38:35
She's got that like French cut. So it's a thong cut corset just
38:39
framing her butt so well. It looks amazing.
38:43
It looks so good. Yeah.
38:45
Yeah. No notes, No notes, no notes.
38:49
I'm probably going to like speed through the rest of the movie
38:51
because to be honest, I feel like we've hit the yeah.
38:54
We kind of know where she's got the contact lenses.
38:56
She knows where they are. Yeah, so we meet.
39:00
We've got the crooked chief of police, Willis.
39:02
He brings the evil villain to the bar.
39:04
They're trying to get Barb to help them find the fugitive.
39:07
Dr. Axel also comes to the club and asks Barb for help.
39:13
And we learned they have a romantic history because he left
39:17
Barb high and dry during the war.
39:19
But that flashback scene, so I had to talk about that.
39:21
That was just that. I, I howled with laughter during
39:25
that because it was, I know I've just been defending Hammy's
39:28
acting, but like, fuck me, that is like a rough, rough, rough.
39:33
It's giving like soap opera, daytime soap opera.
39:36
It's giving daytime soap opera portrayed in a like sketch
39:40
comedy show. It's very SNL, they put like a
39:44
weird reverb effect on it as. Well Oh my God the echo effect.
39:48
That flashback scene is amazing. She's in like army fatigues and
39:51
a hard hat. She looks like so out of place.
39:55
That face has never seen a frontline.
39:57
No fucking way. But again, I just, I love the
40:03
basicness of just like equating like a woman without makeup.
40:07
Obviously that was before, you know, she was a bad girl and you
40:10
know, there was some. It's the most literal thing you
40:13
can do, isn't it? There's so many things about
40:17
this movie that they all feel it feels quite a lot like a porn
40:20
parody of a movie. Do you know what I mean?
40:23
Yeah, it does. It does.
40:25
It's like sometimes it's been given as much thought as like,
40:28
yeah, the the porn version. There must be a porn version of
40:32
this movie. That has to be.
40:33
And you're completely right. Like if you could interject so
40:35
many sex scenes, couldn't you? You could literally go right cut
40:39
here and then this is where they all take their clothes off and
40:41
they fuck against this and they do.
40:43
I could just, I can see it now basically getting excited.
40:46
You see, darling, you are a whore.
40:51
But yeah, Barb doesn't want to help anyone because she doesn't
40:53
take sides anymore because she's jaded, blah blah blah.
40:57
The Nazis trash Barb's bar and Barb's brother Charlie decides
41:04
to help the resistance and the doctor Corey D, but he gets
41:09
caught and killed by the Nazis, which forces Barb to take sides.
41:15
What do we think of the brother character?
41:17
I'll be completely honest with you, I I didn't know that he was
41:20
the brother. I wasn't really paying attention
41:22
to him. The blind guy, yes.
41:27
You didn't know he was her brother.
41:28
I must have tapped out of that bit because I do remember, like,
41:31
obviously the bar being destroyed and he's like hiding
41:33
under it and is he like, getting some drink or something?
41:35
And then she helps him. Yeah.
41:37
So I was just like, oh, he's just the drunk at the bar.
41:39
And then. And then obviously, I mean, how
41:42
stupid of me because when he's found dead, her emotional
41:45
performance, I mean, of course it's a blood relation to her
41:48
because it was so sad and touching her the way she's
41:53
wailing over his body. But no, I didn't.
41:55
I didn't realize. So yeah.
41:57
I liked the casting for him because he does kind of look
42:00
like the male Pammy he's got. He's got the 90's rock star
42:04
Harry. He's got that huge lips like he
42:06
was. Yeah, I mean, he wasn't very
42:09
good either. But so anyway, Charlie's death
42:15
forces Barb to take sides, and she decides to help Axel and
42:19
Cora Dee get to the border. Before that though, we've got
42:24
Batty big fat, so to get through.
42:29
That's what we know that with the budget is running out so
42:32
much when he's literally sat in like a like a tractor yeah just
42:36
sat there and that's like the big set piece of the villain
42:39
with like 2 extras holding a gun looking at her.
42:42
It's. Giving.
42:43
Yeah, again, it's giving porn parody of Mad Max.
42:45
Yeah, totally. Yeah.
42:47
It's so similar to Mad Max. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:51
Well, also, this movie, you know, is the plot of Casablanca.
42:56
Yeah, I've never seen Casablanca.
42:57
Sorry I haven't either but. Yeah, like what?
43:00
A celebrated, critically acclaimed film?
43:03
No, thank you. Not on my.
43:04
Watch. But yeah, it's quite funny that
43:08
that's, yeah, a renowned movie. And this movie was like, let's
43:12
just do that plot, but we'll set it in a post apocalyptic future
43:16
and it'll have tips. And somehow managed to get rid
43:18
of a plot because I know there is a plot in this film, but
43:21
it's, I mean it, it doesn't really sustain a plot, does it?
43:25
Not really, no. Because now we've got the
43:29
inevitable chase scene. Lots of explosions.
43:33
Lots of bag wigs from the stunt double.
43:35
S Oh my God, so many shots of her from above where you can
43:38
just see frizzy hair. On I was like, what's my wig
43:41
doing on this? Yeah, it's very like wigs I
43:44
wear. I was like, I know that wig.
43:47
Yeah, sometimes the wig in this looks like it was the Smithies
43:52
version of a Pamela Anderson wig.
43:53
It's like because I'm sure that this wig does exist in a
43:58
Smithies version like and it would be called 90s bombshell or
44:01
something. Yeah, yeah. 90s screen siren.
44:05
But yeah, I also have this wig. I mean I think mine was is a
44:09
little better. Than.
44:11
Than than the one she wears sometimes or definitely the one
44:14
the stunt double S wearing. Anyway, final fight scene,
44:18
there's a crane. Barb and the evil Colonel are
44:22
fighting on the crane. I liked the bit he like uses a
44:25
forklift, like pin her against a bunch of cars and so it's like a
44:29
car pile up on a forklift that then ends up on a crane.
44:33
It's just very silly. Yeah, yeah.
44:37
And before that as well, she was had a motorbike, didn't she,
44:40
with the kind of the two jets as well that she.
44:42
Oh yeah, she had like rocket launcher.
44:44
Yeah, yeah. Loved all of that.
44:46
Yeah. Yeah, that was great.
44:49
But Barb sends the evil Colonel to his death because he calls
44:52
her babe and he falls to his death.
44:55
They make it to the airport to get their flight.
44:59
Basically this whole movie is about catching a plane.
45:02
To go to. Canada, yeah, to get some
45:04
getting some contact lenses and catching a flight.
45:06
I don't have my prescription. I'm not going to go out to fly
45:09
unless I've got my prescription. I'm going to have to go to
45:11
boots. Also as well, when she does give
45:14
her the contact lenses, I'm like they are bright blue and a
45:17
really weird they're giving like Meryl Streep in Death becomes
45:21
her. Like the pigment has gone from
45:23
your eyes. I'm like, darling, I think
45:25
people might question whether these are your real eyes and
45:28
whether something legit is going on even though you have had
45:30
exquisite plastic surgery. Just saying.
45:34
Well, it works because Cora D puts the lenses in and she
45:39
escapes to Canada. And then Axel touches old Barb's
45:43
lift in a really weird way, like leave the makeup alone.
45:47
Yeah, it's very that bit in Showgirls where like the the
45:50
pimpy strip club owner like touches know me on the face.
45:54
Yeah, it's just like, get off her.
45:57
Must be weird not having anybody come on you.
46:00
But Barb takes her new wealth, and she goes to make a fresh
46:04
start, and you can just imagine she's going to end up in a new
46:06
city with new people to grudgingly help a new sequel.
46:11
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That end, the way the film ends,
46:14
is so abrupt as well, isn't it? Because it's like she says, get
46:18
in line, boom, boom, boom. And then that's it.
46:20
And I'm like, fuck, yeah, That's a great because normally in
46:23
those kind of films, I will give her credit for that.
46:25
Like, normally at the end, you know, you do have the hero
46:28
that's been left to fight justice by themselves, but they
46:30
kind of linger on it a bit more. But no, not with her.
46:32
It's like, boom, I'm going to fuck something up.
46:36
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's the movie.
46:40
Where do we start? Well, I mean, what is the to not
46:44
love about Pamela Anderson with guns in leather, Yeah.
46:50
Or pleather or PVC? I mean, I something I really
46:54
enjoyed about the film in general was obviously there's
46:56
not a lot of money spent on special effects, but when we got
47:00
to like the see the sort of explosions and the fight
47:03
sequences, I was like, I fucking love a big old fight scene.
47:07
No CGI. It's just fun, isn't it?
47:10
Yeah, they put a lot of money into explosions in this movie,
47:14
which we can give it that for sure.
47:16
That this movie is kind of interesting because you can
47:19
imagine it gender swapped and with like a male action lead and
47:26
it would still be a bad movie, but people wouldn't hate it.
47:29
People wouldn't be like, this is the worst movie of all time.
47:32
It wouldn't be on the top of lists of like the worst movies
47:36
of the 90s. It would just be kind of like a
47:38
normal bad action movie. But because it's her, there's
47:42
like this extra hate for it. I I feel, and that's just
47:47
obviously just misogyny, isn't it?
47:49
It's because people are like, look at this slut.
47:51
She thought she could be someone.
47:54
We're not going to let her have this.
47:55
That's how it feels. Totally.
47:57
And it's like it's interesting what you were saying earlier
47:58
about that quote from Robert Eggers as well about the people
48:02
making this film know that it's not a good film.
48:04
And I wonder how much of that was like, you know, you know, if
48:08
we only spend 9,000,000 is Pamela Anderson, we get her tits
48:12
out. We put up these hot pictures of
48:14
her. I bet it's like cash cow.
48:16
We can get the money back from that.
48:18
Do you know what I mean? Like, because she is just like
48:21
front and centre, like her body is the film, isn't it?
48:24
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, it's very, it's got kind
48:27
of like that exploitation movie sort of vibe to it.
48:32
What I love though, is that like, it feels like she's in
48:34
charge the whole way through. It feels like she's driving it.
48:37
I mean, if there's one thing we know about Pamela Anderson is
48:40
that she's like very vocal. She's very opinionated.
48:42
It feels like she's always been kind of like in charge of her
48:45
career choices. Yeah, because I've read
48:47
something else about this film as well, that she just was like,
48:50
when when it got pitched to her, she was like, it was, you know,
48:53
the characters got guns and is fighting people and she was just
48:57
like, that sounds and riding bikes.
48:59
That sounds really cool. And it's like, why wouldn't you
49:01
at that stage of your career as Pamela Anderson, want to do
49:04
that? You're like, you're part of like
49:06
the hottest rock'n'roll couple in the world.
49:08
You're like at your peak of just kind of like everybody thinks
49:12
you're sort of beautiful. I, if I, if I was that, I'd want
49:16
to be in a big action, but I would love to be in an action
49:18
film and just sort of just get to do stunts and fight people.
49:21
It's it's cool. It's like, why wouldn't you want
49:23
to be that character? Totally.
49:26
And then you look at someone like Anna Nicole Smith, who's
49:28
probably like a similar type of person.
49:30
And yet the roles that she was doing, you know, she was more
49:33
kind of the parody of herself, wasn't she?
49:36
The airhead, the bimbo And I, I, you know, you can say what you
49:40
want about barbed wire, but she's not a bimbo.
49:43
There's no sort of dumbness. You know, she even says like
49:47
when she does one of the deals, what do I look like new?
49:49
Like, she's not that person, is she?
49:51
She's she's. Yeah, it's never played for
49:54
laughs. And also there's like, oh, it's.
49:55
Definitely never played for laughs because she's not got a
49:57
comedic bone in her body. Bless.
49:59
Her but there's also the thing where like you can imagine if it
50:04
was a female action hero like you can, you can think of other
50:10
female action hero movies where they're like, Oh, I don't know
50:12
what I'm doing. I guess I have to figure this
50:14
out. Oh, I'm helpless.
50:16
Oh, I guess like I'll make it through somehow on like I'll
50:20
figure it out and then I'll eventually get through it or
50:22
like some someone's going to come and help me and like I'll
50:24
have to become an action hero. Yeah, yeah, that's there's,
50:27
there's always like an introduction of a softer side,
50:30
isn't that, that. And that's, you know, that's
50:32
probably through like fucking loads of focus groups that,
50:36
well, we have to get women on side and, you know, we have to
50:38
kind of. And you know, you've seen it
50:39
playing out so many time, like the, you know, the former love
50:42
of my life that could have been played so differently as well.
50:45
Like, you know, seeing her hurt and seeing her and no, she just,
50:49
she just kind of accepts the actual situation for what it is.
50:52
And it's like, well, of course that's, you know, people fuck,
50:56
fuck me over, so I'm going to fuck them over.
50:58
It's like, yeah, it's a very, like a very sort of definite
51:02
character type, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
51:06
It's I love. It's the same as like a Bruce
51:09
Willis character or like Sylvester Stallone.
51:12
Like it's not. She's just stepping into the
51:15
male action lead role without it necessarily needing to be like
51:19
overly feminized. You know what they you know what
51:21
else they would have done in like a normal kind of film?
51:25
Like this is like normally, like when you said Bruce Willis and
51:28
stuff, they normally like introduce the floor, don't they?
51:30
So it's like, oh, he's an alcoholic or something called
51:32
there's a problem. And and so it's it's interesting
51:35
that she doesn't have a floor per SE.
51:38
And also because you could easily imagine it being like,
51:40
Oh, she's this like tough ass, like fighter, but she's got a
51:44
real like, oh, oops, is, is that like a pair of new high heels
51:48
over there in the corner? Oh, I must get them.
51:50
You know, that kind of just like like a bit like Catwoman in
51:54
Batman Returns. It's like she loves sparkly
51:56
things, you know what I mean? But again, there's no, I mean, I
51:58
know she wants money, but it's more because she wants to escape
52:01
the hellhole that is America. I don't think that's like.
52:04
Yeah, yeah, I guess the closest we get is like, she breaks a
52:08
nail at one point and she's like, damn.
52:09
But yeah. But it's kind of a relatable.
52:12
I mean that's it. Seems annoying.
52:14
Yeah, it is annoying. I mean, yeah, I mean, is it that
52:17
where were they getting their nails done?
52:19
Because I don't know. For the last to Free State, it
52:21
doesn't seem that bad. Yeah, everything looks like it's
52:25
been blown up. But then they've still have
52:27
everything like products and services and debit cards and
52:31
face scanners and, yeah, dirty magazines and.
52:33
Stuff. Oh yeah, the, the technology is
52:35
like next level, isn't it? I oh, that's, do you know what?
52:38
That's something I love though. When you watch films like
52:40
futuristic films in the 90s, I just love that aesthetic of what
52:44
like the future of technology looks like.
52:46
It's so not where we're at. But I just, it's, it's just so
52:50
good, isn't it? Give me that future any day over
52:53
like AI taking over. Oh my God, I know, I know.
52:56
Where's where's my cyberpunk dirty grungy?
53:00
Goth metal. Yeah.
53:03
Yeah. It's, it's hot.
53:05
It's really hot. It's really hot.
53:07
What would we change about this movie?
53:10
Well, I as we were talking through the plot, I was just
53:12
thinking about this because AI was thinking when you said Mad
53:15
Max, I was like, fuck, this film could be remade if it was given
53:20
the love and sort of attention that the Mad Max bills have
53:23
given, because it isn't the same world.
53:25
And like you could totally build a bigger world with this
53:30
character, I think. But it it just needs more.
53:33
And actually, I think I think it's because nothing really
53:35
happens in the plot. It feels like this is just like
53:38
the beginning of the story. Do you know what I mean?
53:40
That like, they get on the plane and then shit's about to hit the
53:44
fan, you know? It feels like they've padded a
53:46
lot, which is essentially just like there was some contact
53:50
lenses that need to be found to help someone escape.
53:53
It's a bit like, is that it? Yeah, you're right.
53:56
This is basic. Like in a lot of ways this is
53:58
the similar to Fury Rd. isn't it?
54:00
Because that's Charlize Theron, like trying to get some girls
54:05
escaped. And it's like she's the toughest
54:07
nails kind of anti hero. She doesn't give a shit.
54:12
She's kind of a moral. She'll do whatever it takes.
54:15
And that that's one of my favorite movies ever.
54:17
Like that movie? Is so good, I think yeah.
54:20
So I think it just needed to like probably like a bigger, a
54:23
bigger sort of picture of what the plot was and the bigger
54:26
storyline, more of a moment. If it almost was like ATV
54:29
episode, yeah. Yeah, it does kind of have that
54:33
energy. The villains are really bad.
54:35
Like, they're so unmemorable. It's actually hard to.
54:38
You can't actually tell who's who sometimes because they're so
54:42
they're all wearing the same Nazi uniform.
54:44
So you're like, I don't know. I don't know who you are.
54:47
And they've got give me like a fun villain, you know, give me a
54:52
memorable characteristic, some like some cool power or cool
54:58
like signature move. Give me something that will help
55:00
me like remember them and then. Oh, yeah.
55:03
Or like the actual feeling of like, danger.
55:06
Like I never felt that she was like, threatened.
55:09
Obviously she's in these situations, and I know obviously
55:11
because of what the film is, she's always going to get out.
55:13
But they're never sense. They never seem to be a real
55:15
sense of like, oh, fuck, something's going to fuck her
55:19
up. Now it's just felt like, oh,
55:20
she's got this. It's easy.
55:22
Yeah. Is that good or bad that like,
55:24
because again, if it was a male fronted action movie, by the end
55:29
of the movie he'd be filthy, he'd be bleeding, he'd be
55:31
limping, he'd have gotten him, he'd have gotten impaled
55:34
somewhere at some point. You know, she doesn't have any
55:38
of that. She still ends the movie kind of
55:40
looking flawless. I wonder if that's good or bad.
55:43
Well, it's calm. It's very much calm.
55:48
Like it's like, because I love it even when she's like getting
55:51
ready to like fight. She's really worked out the
55:54
accessories with the bullets, hasn't it?
55:56
Yeah, but knows if she's got the guns for them.
55:58
But it's like it's giving like it's.
56:00
Crossbody chains of. Bullets Jodie Marsh down, you
56:03
know, China White. Oh my God, it's so true.
56:09
I loved Camille the dog as well. Shout out to Camille the dog
56:12
that felt completely unnecessary that she's got this like bitchy
56:15
dog that bites men's Dicks. But I was here for that.
56:19
Also another shout out to the completely unnecessary but
56:23
massively necessary bitchy air stewardess at the end.
56:31
Why in this post apocalyptic future do we still have just
56:34
like a classic air stewardess as well and.
56:37
She was so mean. She was just like, were you
56:40
ready to scan? Like, yeah.
56:41
And then the other one was waving.
56:42
But so I love it. In the future, there are still
56:46
these opportunities for people and there are these roles on.
56:49
There. And another another bit I really
56:51
enjoyed as well was when she was in the bath.
56:55
Me too. I love that because and then
56:57
with the foam coming out, but I don't know if you remember, I
57:00
don't know if the version you saw, because I saw the one that
57:02
was full tit. It was a bit just before she
57:04
left the couple where she was getting into her robe and just
57:07
she just did one point of flash of that tit and I was just like,
57:10
yes, Pammy, flash that tit. So good.
57:15
I really thought we were going to get a fight scene with her in
57:17
a towel. Oh, that would have been great,
57:19
wouldn't it? That would have been great.
57:20
I mean, they would have done that in an Arnie movie or
57:22
Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. Like they were always fighting
57:25
naked, those guys. I'm surprised we didn't get
57:27
that. Yeah.
57:28
Oh yeah. Like or like her like covered in
57:30
oil or something. Like, yeah, you could imagine
57:33
like they could have got a bit more creative with some of the
57:36
the fight setups for her. What did they have sex?
57:40
Did she? Sorry.
57:40
No, I was just going to say that, yeah, there was no sex
57:42
scene. No sex scene, which is
57:44
interesting. And kind of cool as well though,
57:46
isn't it? Yeah, because you can imagine
57:48
her getting seduced by like someone, and that's how.
57:52
We or she has to use like she's she's playing someone, but it's
57:58
like an opportunity for them to get a sex scene with Pam in it.
58:02
I think a lot of people felt like this movie was like not
58:05
sexy enough in this weird way, like it was like promising more
58:09
than it gave. It is funny that it like it has
58:14
a lot of tip but then no like no sex.
58:18
I don't know, I'm into. It and yeah and even like when
58:20
she's like I mean arguably that opening sequence is very sexual
58:25
like Oh yeah but then when she's like the prostitute that's just
58:28
funny that's just not that's just great that's that's that
58:32
was really camp that sort of portrayal of because and again
58:35
like really authentic that that insects work exists, doesn't it
58:39
as someone I mean not saying I dress up as gimps and don't wash
58:42
my hands and get people to spank me with paddles crystal but
58:46
maybe I do I didn't wash my hands during this podcast either
58:51
I was dirty I shat my. Pants, where are they?
58:55
They're on my bottom right now. You want to see?
58:58
Oh sorry, this is a Gate show, an exclusive now.
59:02
A warning. I side note, I always, I've
59:05
started thinking about this, I genuinely started thinking about
59:09
if you could guarantee me for the next 5 years of my life, a
59:12
certain level of income and it doesn't need to be crazily high,
59:15
but maybe probably what I get now from my work.
59:19
And because I think if I moved into this, I would have to fully
59:23
commit. But basically what I'm saying is
59:25
I would shit on camera for people and do all of that stuff
59:30
if it meant that I could just have security for five years and
59:33
I wouldn't care. So sorry, I just wanted to share
59:36
that because I've really been thinking about it a lot.
59:41
What's funny is during the the filming of this episode, the sun
59:46
has obviously gone down in the UK, so you've gotten darker and
59:51
darker. So you're just a barely visible
59:54
little face saying I would shit on camera sat in the dark by
1:00:00
yourself. Well, there we go.
1:00:03
It's needle time. Sexy.
1:00:06
Confident. Do you think there was a world
1:00:09
where Pammy could have come out of this and had a film career?
1:00:14
You know, is there, is there a Hollywood trajectory that would
1:00:16
have worked for her or was it doomed from the get go?
1:00:20
I kind of don't think so because I think she is unfortunately a
1:00:24
bad actress. That's not to say I don't love
1:00:29
watching her, but like I understand that I'm watching it
1:00:31
in like a reclam, like a reclamation way.
1:00:35
I'm celebrating the trash. It's got a bit of irony to it.
1:00:40
I want her to succeed, and I kind of like it when someone's
1:00:45
in a movie and it looks like they don't know what they're
1:00:46
doing and they don't want to be there and they're like kind of
1:00:48
not giving a fuck. That's fun for me.
1:00:51
I understand why that's not fun for the general population.
1:00:55
But you're right, because it's it's a short movie as well.
1:00:58
It's sort of that sweet spot of like 98 minutes, which is just
1:01:00
perfect for me because if this was two hours, I I'm not sure I
1:01:03
could have stayed with it, but I know.
1:01:04
But yeah, I even Even so I fell asleep, yeah, for a little bit.
1:01:08
Well, I only I watched the first half, had a break and then
1:01:11
watched the second-half the following day.
1:01:13
Maybe not the easiest to watch is, but she was really watchable
1:01:17
and yeah, like I I don't think I could see her in other in other
1:01:20
movies, but that much. I mean, she's she's going for it
1:01:26
now, isn't she? She's doing more roles.
1:01:27
So it'll be interesting to see if that does open up stuff, but.
1:01:31
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's definitely like
1:01:34
a better movie to be made because obviously it has the
1:01:36
bones of a of a classic. It's based on Casablanca.
1:01:39
So like I think if if it were elevated across the board, it
1:01:42
would be a much better movie. Like better villains, better
1:01:46
supporting cast, bigger budget. And if you did all of that and
1:01:50
still kept Pam, I think you'd have a much better movie.
1:01:52
I think she would still be quite bad in it, but maybe that would
1:01:56
be kind of fun, especially maybe if like they'd lent into the
1:01:59
comedy and like she was surrounded by a really funny
1:02:02
supporting cast and then she was giving that sort of role.
1:02:05
And maybe that there would be like a foil with.
1:02:08
Her Is it fair to say that no one is good at acting in this
1:02:11
film? I think, I think no one's good.
1:02:14
Yeah, they're all terrible, aren't they?
1:02:16
Maybe, maybe our, maybe our man Udo.
1:02:18
Yeah, but still it's it's yeah, it's it's not great, is it?
1:02:23
No, it's interesting as well because this film sort of came
1:02:26
out when lots of there were lots of 90s films flopping like you
1:02:28
said, like Street Fighter, Nario Brother, the Mario Brothers
1:02:32
film, and Tank Girl. Tank Girl.
1:02:35
Lots of the films were going for this like aesthetic and like all
1:02:38
flopping. Yeah, there was that Met, There
1:02:41
was that movie with Shaq steal. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:02:44
I've not seen it. I've heard of it, yeah.
1:02:46
Yeah, there's like Batman Forever, which was kind of in
1:02:50
the same sort of campy vibe. Bad, bad, bad.
1:02:56
It kind of feels like an interesting area of film of
1:02:59
genre for people to maybe remake now because like something like
1:03:02
a Tank Girl, if it was kind of done in a slightly kind of
1:03:06
cooler, a 24 way maybe. Yeah, but I guess that's kind of
1:03:10
what the Furiosa but Curiosa movie is kind of in that world,
1:03:14
isn't it? Which it was fun.
1:03:19
And yeah, we've got the new Barbarella coming out, which
1:03:21
that'll be interesting. I just had like, I was sort of
1:03:23
trying to think, if I was going to remake this film, who would I
1:03:27
star in it? And I've decided that I don't
1:03:30
want to make the film now, but I do want to make the film maybe
1:03:32
like 12 years ago. So this is a different universe,
1:03:36
OK, A split universe situation. Burlesque has not been made.
1:03:43
Christina Aguilera is going to be making her first ever film
1:03:48
role as Barbed Wire. Wagon Wheel What to see?
1:03:51
Ex Tina, you know, roundabout the I'm not myself tonight era
1:03:56
is barbed wire. I love it.
1:03:59
Can Cher still be in it somehow? Cher is her arch nemesis in it.
1:04:03
So Cher is fatso. I would love to see Cher playing
1:04:12
an older villain but like someone that's not.
1:04:15
Not like a kind of Cher, but like a decrepit.
1:04:18
There were rumors a while ago, and I don't think they were true
1:04:20
at all, but I kind of loved them, that she was going to play
1:04:23
like an older Catwoman, but a Catwoman who'd been sort of
1:04:27
through it and kind of disfigured and kind of like a
1:04:31
re, you know, kind of how like some and the Colin Farrell
1:04:34
Penguin kind of. Yeah.
1:04:35
I would love to see something like that from Cher.
1:04:38
But it is interesting that she doesn't have like a female
1:04:40
antagonist because like when we look at like Halle Berry's
1:04:44
Catwoman or anytime there's like a female superhero, they always
1:04:47
end up having to fight the lady. Or like if there's a female
1:04:50
supporting character in an action movie or she has to
1:04:52
fight, take down the the girl baddie and the man fights the
1:04:56
man. Totally.
1:04:58
And I like that this is just her versus like all the different
1:05:01
kinds of terrible men. Exactly.
1:05:02
And like, again, that's that's actually just it's so refreshing
1:05:06
because we've seen that play out a million times.
1:05:08
And, you know, sometimes it is satisfying from a camp
1:05:10
perspective of diva versus diva. But it's like, yeah, it's it's
1:05:15
great that there's not this just kind of wicked female mastermind
1:05:18
behind it all that's going to get a bitch slap from her.
1:05:22
And I also like, I also really enjoy the way she hates the
1:05:25
scientists because she's really boring.
1:05:28
Yeah. She's not like friends with
1:05:29
Koda, is she? She's.
1:05:30
Like no Cora Dee. Cora Dee.
1:05:33
Sorry, let me be your fantasy Cora Dee.
1:05:35
Yeah. Oh, and just one more, one more
1:05:41
thing I'd like to shout out about this is just, I am a
1:05:43
sucker for like a rock'n'roll soundtrack.
1:05:47
Oh yeah, like rock'n'roll licks everywhere, all throughout it.
1:05:50
I'm just like, Oh yeah baby. I recommend the song by Shampoo
1:05:57
which is on Spotify called Don't Call Me Babe which was written
1:06:00
for this movie. And exactly like getting shampoo
1:06:02
to do yourself. Yeah, it's the song.
1:06:04
The first time she's on her motorcycle.
1:06:05
It's the song place. It's got like a really heavy
1:06:07
electric guitar riff to start. It's great.
1:06:18
Should we rate this movie? We.
1:06:19
Have to rate this movie, yes? So on the camper meter, we're
1:06:24
giving it a score out of 10 Merrells and 10 Lizas.
1:06:27
For Merrells, I'm Julia Child. I mean, it's really pretty.
1:06:32
It's really pretty fashion video editorial, right?
1:06:38
Yeah, yeah, it's there's like some good lighting.
1:06:43
I think there's some good set pieces.
1:06:46
The costume. Great gowns.
1:06:49
Beautiful gowns. I was trying to think of other
1:06:51
movies like that we've rated the lowest.
1:06:54
Like, is it better than Catwoman from a Merrell's perspective?
1:06:58
As a film, yeah. I think it's less coherent, but
1:07:02
I think I like it more. Yes, I agree.
1:07:05
I mean, it's a terrible, it's a terrible film that to be fair, I
1:07:07
think to make a big blockbuster fighty action film, they didn't
1:07:13
really have enough resources, I think, which has made it hard.
1:07:16
But it's still pretty shit, isn't it?
1:07:19
Yeah. I might have to give it, yeah.
1:07:24
Two, I'm going to. Are you going one or two?
1:07:26
Yeah, I'm going to give it 2, but yeah.
1:07:29
That's not to say don't watch this movie, I would just say
1:07:31
maybe watch the 1st 30 minutes and then the last 15.
1:07:36
Also what is the name of this podcast?
1:07:38
I don't think it's like, is this a good film podcast?
1:07:40
Oh, no, no, I know, I know, I know.
1:07:42
But like, I also don't want to encourage people not to watch
1:07:45
this, Pamela. No, Oh my God.
1:07:47
But that's why we're going to flip fucking reverse it right
1:07:49
now. Because so liesers.
1:07:52
I really, really like this film. Like I really, really fucking
1:07:56
enjoyed it. Pamela Anderson is just
1:07:59
everything in it. And like, as you said, although
1:08:03
she's like a stripper and a prostitute and other negative
1:08:06
stereotypes about women, she's also kick ass.
1:08:08
There's no other lazy links to kind of romance or like, you
1:08:12
know, pathetic kind of problems with other women.
1:08:16
It's literally like she's a bad ass bitch with a gun and she's
1:08:19
going to fuck shit up. And I just think, I just think
1:08:22
it's a joy to watch and it's campus fuck.
1:08:26
It is campus fuck. I mean queer joy.
1:08:29
The 1st 30 minutes of this, it was pure queer joy for me.
1:08:32
Ongoing legacy. I mean she is the drag
1:08:35
blueprint. Yes.
1:08:37
This this look launched 1000 drag Queens.
1:08:41
And then you look at like Beyoncé did it dressed up as her
1:08:44
for Halloween as this look, it's, it's, it's single Jenner.
1:08:47
It's such a timeless look. It's really fucking special.
1:08:51
Yeah, yeah, Underdog flop vibes. 100% bucket loads.
1:08:56
Bucket loads informs queer pop culture.
1:08:59
Yeah, it's, it's just kind of slightly missing the greatness
1:09:03
of like midnight movie status. Do you know what I mean?
1:09:06
No one's watching this movie. Also, I just I would just like
1:09:09
to remind you that we gave I Still know who killed me a
1:09:12
perfect 10 on the Cam a meter. I would also really believe that
1:09:18
people aren't watching that movie as well.
1:09:20
Yeah, it's so true. It's so true.
1:09:22
What are you? Going to give it oh do you know,
1:09:26
fuck it, I'm giving it A10 IA 100%.
1:09:28
I'm giving it a 10 because it is, fuck, it is modern day camp.
1:09:31
It's the kind of camp I live for.
1:09:33
It's not just like, oh, we're doing a musical.
1:09:37
Oh, that's camp. That's camp.
1:09:38
That kind of fucking camp. This is what I want.
1:09:41
This is like the tragic shit, but fucking amazing.
1:09:45
This is if you were in a movie. This is your level of Antig.
1:09:49
This is actually your entire drag.
1:09:51
This is a mood board for your drag career.
1:09:54
I know, I know. It is OK.
1:09:56
You're right. There's nothing else.
1:09:57
I can't do anything else. I have to give it 10.
1:09:59
Yes, you do. Round of applause.
1:10:02
I have to give it 10. It's a terrible movie.
1:10:05
You can't. Yeah, it's a bad movie, but fuck
1:10:08
me. A1 lies A1 meral and A10 lizer.
1:10:12
Absolutely what? What more do you want?
1:10:14
Do you know what I and for that reason, I'll go down to 1, like
1:10:17
1 meral as well. Yeah, let's just go.
1:10:19
It's like polar opposites. It's a beautiful example of
1:10:23
that, but also Pamela Anderson. Lee, fuck the last show, girl.
1:10:28
You had this movie and this is all you needed in that legacy.
1:10:32
Can't imagine being able to look back at your career and and see
1:10:35
yourself in this movie. Oh my God, you would, wouldn't
1:10:38
you? You'd probably have a wank over.
1:10:40
Yourself. That's what I meant.
1:10:41
You definitely would have a wank over yourself.
1:10:43
Yeah, but also imagine it. But then on the flip side,
1:10:47
imagine having that greatness and having to live the downfall.
1:10:51
That's true. You'd need a lot of therapy.
1:10:53
Or a lot or a lot of surgery. Yeah, Yeah, OK.
1:10:57
Well, that's something to think about, isn't it?
1:11:00
There you have it. Barbed wire is certified a Camp
1:11:03
Classic. Yes, it fucking is.
1:11:09
Yes. What do you think?
1:11:13
Let us know if you agree with our rating.
1:11:15
Have you seen barbed wire? Well, it's available for free on
1:11:18
Dailymotion, so go treat. Yourself or if you want more
1:11:21
tips, go to Amazon. Thank you for being here.
1:11:24
Thank you for supporting the Gay Trion.
1:11:26
And we'll be back with another bonus episode in in one month.
1:11:30
Yes, great. We love you.
1:11:32
Is there anything? What?
1:11:33
What? How would barbed wire finish
1:11:35
this off? What does she say when she drops
1:11:38
off the man? If it was a pleasure, I would
1:11:41
have charged more, which makes no sense.
1:11:46
It's a great motto for the gay tree.
1:11:47
It really is. How utterly fucking romantic.
1:11:53
Thank you so much. We'll be back in the year 2017.
1:11:57
Yeah, bye, bye Get. Away from her, you bitch.
1:12:03
Blasting. He was in the.
1:12:05
Amazon with my mom. When she was researching spiders
1:12:08
right before she died.