Latest / Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild / Choose Accountability Over Codependence, Choose Peace

Transcript

Choose Accountability Over Codependence, Choose Peace · Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome, welcome, welcome.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is Tina, your transformational coach and emotional strategist.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here to do the bonus episode.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: And what I'm gonna do is I know the last one was more of the bonus episode, which I had been doing where it's more free.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: And this one I'm gonna do the takeaways.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I did listen to the bonus, and I thought, okay, so I mean not the bonus, but the regular one.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, okay, what did I take away from this?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so number one, like if you did listen to the turkey story, you know it wasn't really about the turkey.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: The turkey was basically a symbol, a symbol of pain, sabotage, and just you know, the history of I don't know, hurt, trauma, I guess.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: So it wasn't about the turkey, but part of it was about the turkey because oh my god, I wanted that turkey.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so it was about sabotage and what it and resilience even.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was I came up with five different five different things that pardon me, five different things that were good takeaways that I had for myself.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you agree.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like I know this to be true.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, people can't give what they don't have.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make their actions right?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: No, no.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't make it right.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: They just maybe they don't have the tools, they haven't been given the tools, they don't have them.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And on that track, I think, okay, so and this I went through this with my nurse, just like you can't tell me that he doesn't know that this is wrong.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know if that's a hundred percent shh, you know, true.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I do believe there it must be 15 or whatever it is that you do know what you're doing wrong because I know as I sometimes when I speak without thinking, I know not to say it and I know what I'm doing wrong.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm aware, so at least there is some awareness, awareness, but you can't fix them.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like you gotta you just work for your work on your own, you know, issues.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's not your job to fix them.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can't, they can only give you what they have, and that goes for anybody.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: We only can give what we have.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean you need to take it personal.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I, you, we, I don't know.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so we don't always have those same tools in our toolbox.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then a second takeaway that I had okay, I can be grateful and still be in pain.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's not that I'm not grateful, and I do struggle with that.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: I am grateful, I'm very grateful.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And with that being said, going forward, I have decided that I'm going to be more grateful.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to, you know, respond in a negative way.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna respect her as much as I can, do whatever I need to do, and just be grateful that I'm there and work on getting out.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Not just for myself, but also for her.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's probably hard.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Something, something's hard.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know exactly what.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and then like number three, I put your truth.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Your pain is valid.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Your pain is valid.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, don't underestimate, like, oh, I shouldn't feel this way.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you can't stop how you feel, you feel how you feel.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I found out lately that telling myself how I feel and being truthful with myself is the only way that I can cope with it or fix it or adjust it or look at it and kind of break it down and see what's really going on beyond behind the scenes.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I I can feel my voice shaky again.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: I think it this is an emotional thing.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: And number four is probably one of the most important things that I realized is accountability.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I know that's tough sometimes, but I also know that it's necessary.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: I got myself into this situation, and I'm grateful that my mother was there and my son when I needed a place to stay to get away from what I needed to get out of.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm going to take the next 30 to 45 days to do everything I can.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna find a job.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I will work at McDonald's.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: I will work, I don't care.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I will work wherever I can work.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to work two jobs.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I will continue to do this podcast.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: I know this is going to be life-changing.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: I still feel it in my bones.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to give up my dreams, but I don't want to say, just stay in the situation.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not fair to my mom.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's not fair to my kids.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's not her responsibility to take care of me.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: She took care of me for 18 years of my life.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I do feel like as she's having trouble, I think when I move out, it's going to be easier for both of us.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why we can't live together.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I I guess I'm never going to know that part.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't consider myself to be a difficult person to live with.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess that doesn't even change it.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't make me a difficult person to live with.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it's not working.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it it, you know, I kinda I guess this is just the way of life.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's not her job to take care of me.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's her her time to relax and to work on, you know, whatever life she does, try to make for herself.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I know this is really this is really hard because I am there for her in other ways, and it's hard because she's sick, and I don't want to abandon her, which I but I can't abandon myself either.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the truth.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: I know this is raw and it's not scripted again.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: I I and it's all over the place, but it's real.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's one thing I know.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's definitely real, and I'm gonna do everything I can to share my experiences with you and help others go through this by sharing the experience.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I would love for you to follow or share if this is giving you any value at all.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Share it with a friend, share it with anybody.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then, like the the fifth thing that I had was resilience is about improvising.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, did I want the turkey dinner?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, later, my son, my oldest son made some cheesy hamburgers.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, they were delicious.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then my younger son came over, and that's how we shifted.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: And my mother chose to eat her hamburger in her room, and that's just what it is.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's that let them theory from Mel.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I love that theory, Mel.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: That is like the best thing.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I also like the let me.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can let somebody, but then you need to let me, and that's where I need to work on it.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's let me.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: I need to get stable, I need to get out on my own.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I know part of it's fear because I think what was it like maybe hmm four months ago?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, maybe six, because I was working.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still working.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: I had the money, I had a place set up.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I tried hard enough to get it.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think I panicked.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: I remember specifically, well, the the place was hard to get.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't a for sure thing, so I had some doubts.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe I dodged a bullet by not taking that place.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: But I remember looking at the dog, Batman, who is a shared dog, my mom's dog.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: My son gave me his dog, her dog, gave her, gave my mom the dog.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And like, I love that dog.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I looked at him and I thought, I can't leave.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: But then I think it was also that hanging on to my mom.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I for some reason, while we already discussed that, like, I like living with her, I don't like the pain it causes, and I don't like that we don't get along, and there's still that hope there, and and that's kind of what happened this turkey day because I was feeling closer to her and she was opening up about some things, and that doesn't erase it.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: It just I guess it's it's probably painful.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's something painful there, and she doesn't have the tools, and I don't know.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I only know what she shares with me, but I know that it is time for me to take accountability.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's time for me to live alone.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm 53, I'll be 54 in February.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that's what we're doing.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: By February 1st, I will be moved into a place of my own, either by myself or with a roommate, probably a roommate's, you know, rent high.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: We already know that rent high, and you can't pay rent when you make$12.50 an hour.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I probably need a roommate, but that's fine.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to start working on that.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be accountable.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then I will still be there for my son and my kids, and I'll be able to heal more of myself and work on what I need to work on for myself and live alone for the first time and not be codependent on anybody else.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: As I'm on the air, I just think of something, and it's like a huge epiphany.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be codependent, and I am codependent at this moment.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I was codependent on my old relationships.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: So for my birthday present in February, that's what I'm going to give myself.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to unlock the doors to freedom.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's gonna be my power.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna reclaim my power.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, with that, I'm gonna kind of let you out with let's get some music on.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry if you're the papers, but yeah, a little bonus episode.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, here let's put some little music on.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: You have been listening to get it, got it, girl.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: Where today we talked about the bonus and takeaways from the last episode, about taking responsibility and protecting your own peace.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that I'm responsible for my own choices, and I'm gonna reclaim my energy.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope that this helps you.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: If it does, please share it, follow, look at my channel, go on my website, do whatever you want.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I hope this helps.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Get it, got it, girl.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great week.