Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 700: The Silent Power Move: Ignoring Your Ex's Breadcrumbs

Transcript

Episode 700: The Silent Power Move: Ignoring Your Ex's Breadcrumbs · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:01
  What happens when you ignore bread crumbs or as I call them,
• 0:05
  insignificant messages from your ex?
• 0:09
  A lot of people who are in no contact have a problem not
• 0:13
  responding when their ex reaches out, no matter what the ex says.
• 0:18
  And in fact, there was a comment recently and he had been
• 0:22
  responding to his ex for nine months.
• 0:25
  And I said, oh, you shouldn't have done that.
• 0:27
  I mean, she's still not back. And he said, well, I don't like
• 0:31
  ignoring people completely. Nobody likes that.
• 0:35
  Hello. That's the idea.
• 0:39
  Of course nobody likes to be ignored.
• 0:41
  That's why we're ignoring them. Obviously some of you have never
• 0:45
  left someone on Red. You've never ignored someone.
• 0:50
  You know, you might want to try it sometime.
• 0:52
  It's really not as bad as you think.
• 0:54
  You might be surprised at the results.
• 0:57
  Your ex will definitely not be expecting you to ignore their
• 1:01
  reach out no matter how low effort their text is.
• 1:08
  They could have bet their life on it that you would definitely
• 1:11
  respond and me more than happy to text back or to call back as
• 1:17
  soon as possible. Your ex thought they had all the
• 1:21
  power. They thought you'd be
• 1:23
  predictable. Like most XS, they didn't know
• 1:27
  you joined the no contact Army and hell no, we're not doing
• 1:32
  that. So what happens when you ignore
• 1:35
  bread crumbs a lot? Stay tuned and you'll find out.
• 1:41
  Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of Love.
• 1:44
  I am a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
• 1:47
  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
• 1:50
  And welcome back my beautiful no Contact Army.
• 1:54
  Have you been a good little soldier?
• 1:56
  Well, if you have, then you've downloaded my app Silencio to
• 2:00
  help you stay in no contact. And the link to that is
• 2:03
  underneath every single video and podcast.
• 2:06
  And if you too would like to join our no Contact Army, all
• 2:10
  you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the bell
• 2:12
  notification and you're in. And to read our manual, go to
• 2:17
  nocontactsecrets.com, where you can read 2 free chapters before
• 2:21
  you purchase the book. So let's define breadcrumbing.
• 2:26
  Breadcrumbing is the art of leading someone on and giving
• 2:31
  false hope that you're interested in a relationship or
• 2:35
  that you're interested in getting back together.
• 2:38
  And a breadcrumb is not determined by the length of the
• 2:42
  text. Just because your ex sends you a
• 2:45
  long text, it doesn't mean it's significant.
• 2:49
  It could just be a bunch of superficial stuff that doesn't
• 2:52
  need a response. One of my clients got a very
• 2:55
  long e-mail, but it was all insignificant.
• 2:58
  Just giving him information on, oh, well, you know, I've been
• 3:02
  doing this and my son did this and this and that and that, you
• 3:05
  know, nothing that needed him to respond.
• 3:08
  And so I told him, don't respond.
• 3:10
  And what do you know? Within a week, she reached out
• 3:14
  again and said something significant.
• 3:18
  Ignoring bread crumbs strikes again and I've done a video on
• 3:23
  which specific texts from your ex to ignore because XS are, if
• 3:28
  nothing else, predictable. They pretty much all say the
• 3:31
  same things, so I'll put the link to that in the upper right
• 3:34
  hand corner on YouTube. So we only respond to
• 3:38
  significant texts, meaning that they are expressing regret,
• 3:43
  apologizing and or saying they made a mistake and they want to
• 3:48
  talk. The tone needs to be humble and
• 3:51
  vulnerable. So what happens when you ignore
• 3:56
  bread crumbs from your ex? Many interesting things happen.
• 4:01
  First of all, as I said, they thought that you would be
• 4:04
  responding right away. Now they see you're not
• 4:06
  responding and they thought they would have access to you at any
• 4:10
  time. So now they want their access
• 4:13
  back and access denied. You're not going to respond to
• 4:20
  just any little message that they send next.
• 4:25
  They might think you're angry, but guess what?
• 4:28
  They don't know for sure. Maybe you are, or maybe you're
• 4:32
  indifferent. Maybe you don't care.
• 4:33
  Maybe you've moved on. Who knows?
• 4:37
  They'll think that you've moved on, actually, and even though
• 4:43
  they may not want you, they don't necessarily want someone
• 4:47
  else to have you, at least not right now.
• 4:50
  So they'll get competitive if they think that there's someone
• 4:53
  else. But it's too early to pull the
• 4:57
  jealousy card until at least 30 days have gone by, depending on
• 5:02
  how long you guys dated. Preferably 60 days, because
• 5:06
  otherwise they'll think you're doing it on purpose to make them
• 5:09
  jealous. So it'll backfire or you'll
• 5:12
  think that you were cheating in the relationship and that there
• 5:15
  was someone else all along. And I've made a video on what
• 5:20
  happens if they think that you've moved on because I know a
• 5:24
  lot of you are afraid that Oh no, they won't text me again.
• 5:28
  They won't reach out again if they think I've moved on.
• 5:30
  As usual with dating and getting X back, it's the total opposite.
• 5:35
  So I'll post the link to that in the other right right hand
• 5:37
  corner on YouTube. They may think that you're
• 5:41
  playing games, but hey, they can think that all they want.
• 5:47
  They don't know for sure unless you tell them, which I don't
• 5:50
  know why you would. They won't know what to think,
• 5:55
  especially if you had never ignored a message from them in
• 5:59
  your life. They may even think something
• 6:01
  happened to you. It's like Oh my God, I thought
• 6:03
  for sure they'd respond. I hope they're OK.
• 6:08
  They may call you from a different number or text you
• 6:11
  from a different number. If they figure out that you are
• 6:15
  ignoring them on purpose, if they weren't already, they'll
• 6:19
  start stalking your socials. They want to see what the heck
• 6:24
  you're up to, that you're suddenly able to ignore them
• 6:27
  even though they dumped you and you didn't want them to.
• 6:31
  Now obviously their ego will be hurt.
• 6:34
  Good. And I've done a video on that
• 6:39
  topic about the fact that you have to hurt your ex in order to
• 6:43
  get them back. So I will put the link to that
• 6:47
  in the upper right hand corner. They may show up at your door.
• 6:52
  It's happened. I've heard of several people who
• 6:55
  had exes show up at the door when they weren't responding.
• 6:58
  They may show up at your work. If for some reason they can't
• 7:01
  show up at your door at home, they may contact your family to
• 7:06
  find out what's going on. They may contact your friends.
• 7:12
  See, you thought that nothing was going to happen if you
• 7:15
  didn't respond to bread crumbs. As you can see, a lot is going
• 7:19
  on and there's more. But first, before I continue, I
• 7:22
  wanted to mention that 65% of people who listen to me are not
• 7:27
  subscribed. So I want to ask you a favor and
• 7:30
  that is if my videos have ever helped you in any way and you
• 7:35
  want to give something back, then just hit the subscribe
• 7:38
  button and I will continue to make videos that will be
• 7:42
  helpful, hopefully and interesting in order to help you
• 7:46
  get your ex back. Thank you.
• 7:50
  They will be incredulous, meaning they won't believe it.
• 7:55
  They'll wonder if they texted the wrong number or called the
• 7:57
  wrong number. It's like what?
• 7:59
  What do you mean they're not responding?
• 8:00
  What the heck is going on? They will start to get anxious
• 8:06
  if they have an anxious or an anxious avoidant attachment
• 8:09
  style. So this is how you can use their
• 8:10
  attachment style against them by getting them anxious because
• 8:15
  people act out of character when they're anxious, as you well
• 8:18
  know. If you're anxious, they will
• 8:23
  double, triple and quadruple text you, but it doesn't matter.
• 8:27
  Do not respond if it's not significant.
• 8:31
  They'll call you 5678 times in a row, and that's usually when
• 8:35
  people break. They're like, well, well, I had
• 8:37
  to respond. They called me a bunch of times,
• 8:38
  so I don't care. They need to leave a message and
• 8:43
  yeah, it needs to be significant.
• 8:46
  I don't care if they call 100 times in a row.
• 8:49
  They're trying to bully you into responding.
• 8:52
  Turn off the ringer temporarily block them, but don't think, oh,
• 8:56
  I got to respond. Maybe something happened.
• 8:58
  No, I can guarantee you 99.99999% of the time nothing
• 9:05
  happened except they're getting anxious that you didn't respond
• 9:07
  OK. However, none of these things
• 9:12
  can happen. If you respond to bread crumbs,
• 9:17
  you will lose the power of ignoring insignificant messages.
• 9:21
  If you respond, all you're doing is letting them know you're
• 9:26
  still there for them and they have nothing to worry about.
• 9:31
  You've taken away mystery, doubt, and any anxiety they were
• 9:35
  feeling. It's like, Yep, she's still
• 9:39
  there, he's still there, nothing to worry about.
• 9:43
  Let me see what else is out here.
• 9:45
  And by the way, do not call them out on the bread crumbs and say,
• 9:52
  well, if you're not going to say anything significant, if you're
• 9:55
  going to breadcrumb me, then don't contact me.
• 9:57
  Shut up. You will have broken no contact
• 10:02
  for no good reason and you will have just shown them that you're
• 10:08
  still very interested and waiting for them to show more
• 10:11
  interest. Trust me, if they're truly
• 10:14
  interested and you don't respond to their bread crumbs, they will
• 10:19
  put in the effort and escalate and say something more
• 10:22
  significant. Now I know there's going to be
• 10:25
  some people who are going to say, well, I never heard from my
• 10:28
  ex after the breakup. I wish I'd gotten a breadcrumb,
• 10:31
  but I got nothing. So to that I would say, well,
• 10:36
  you never know. They may still pop up.
• 10:38
  However, if they don't, then just know that they were done.
• 10:43
  Done for whatever reason. Maybe they found someone else.
• 10:47
  Maybe they weren't that interested to begin with.
• 10:50
  Maybe there have been other breakups between the two of you
• 10:53
  and this was the last straw. But as I've said before, 90% of
• 10:59
  people will at least hear from their ex, even if it's just a
• 11:03
  breadcrumb. So if you don't hear from them,
• 11:08
  understand that if there is someone out there who's better
• 11:13
  for them than you, that means there's someone out there who is
• 11:16
  better for you than them. And I know that may be hard to
• 11:21
  accept right now, but as time goes on, you'll eventually see
• 11:25
  that things did work out for the best.
• 11:28
  So now I want to hear from you. What type of bread crumbs has
• 11:32
  your ex sent you and what did they say?
• 11:35
  I guess that's the same question.
• 11:38
  What did they say in the breadcrumb?
• 11:39
  OK, and if you would like my help to get your ex back, you
• 11:43
  can contact me at theartoflove.net/coaching and we
• 11:47
  will send you the rates. They are not on the website and
• 11:51
  the direct link to that is underneath every single video
• 11:53
  and podcast. If you found this video helpful,
• 11:56
  please like, subscribe, and share.
• 12:00
  If you're listening to this as a podcast and want to help the
• 12:03
  show, then please download this episode and remember, love
• 12:08
  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.