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Shared History Can Repair—Or Ruin—Relationships · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for September 3rd, 2026 Shared History Can Repair or Ruin
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  Relationships I talk a good deal about how our past affects our present.
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  Today I want to look at how the past can help or hurt our efforts to fix and damage a relationship.
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  There is a positive one I've alluded to several times this week.
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  If you and whoever have a long history of a good relationship that blesses both
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  of you, that should count for something.
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  Think about the good times. Think about all the times they were there for you.
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  Think about when they went above and beyond for you. When I say think about,
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  I mean take time to walk through these good memories.
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  If you journal, write down three happy times.
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  Don't allow the current situation to overshadow years of love and care.
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  Are you really ready to throw the relationship away?
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  Are you going to give up the chance to fix it and have more of what you had in the past?
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  Is restoring what you had worth some pain and effort? Is it worth some change?
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  Sharing some of those good memories with the other person may be a good way
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  to change the mood and direction of the relationship.
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  The other side is the bad stuff from the past. Our brains tend to gravitate towards the negative.
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  Every relationship has its low points. And when you're hurting,
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  it's natural to enlarge past hurts.
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  Challenge that. Recall how it was, how it really was. Recall how you moved past
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  it and how it stopped hurting.
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  What did you do to move to healing? Was there a breakthrough?
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  What got in the way of healing? Learned from the past.
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  Then we have, you always, do they always, really? Or has it happened a few times?
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  In the past, did you let it go without saying anything? Are you upset that they
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  are doing it again when you have never brought it up?
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  It may also be helpful to think about other relationships that ended because of problems.
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  Once you got past the relief of ending it, Did you regret doing so?
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  Do you wish you had tried harder? Can you see ways you could have made it work?
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  Finally, if you have a number of broken relationships, you should ask yourself
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  if you are the common denominator.
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  Are you pushing people away when they get too close? Are you unreasonable?
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  Do you stop working to maintain the relationship? Do you keep choosing the same
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  kind of people who will eventually hurt you?
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  Are you choosing people you think need rescuing? Is that for them or for you?
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  As you look at the past, both the good and the bad, bathe it in prayer.
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  This is Paul, and what have you done for me recently is not doing relationships well.