Latest / The Daily Sarcast / May 27th, 2026: Iran Gets The Internet Back-ish, Trump's Physical And Workout Class Thoughts

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May 27th, 2026: Iran Gets The Internet Back-ish, Trump's Physical And Workout Class Thoughts · The Daily Sarcast

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  Today's episode is sponsored by Karma. It's very real, and you really do get
• 0:05
  what you deserve sometimes.
• 0:07
  Cedar Point does not condone the behavior demonstrated in this video.
• 0:11
  Cedar Point, after an influencer filmed himself violating the safety rules,
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  eating chicken nuggets, amongst other things from McDonald's,
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  on a 93-mile-per-hour rollercoaster.
• 0:23
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and
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  maybe a laugh. I'm Lindsay Vernick, and today is May 27th, 2026.
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  What's up, guys? I'm actually traveling for work this week. I'm headed down
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  to Miami Swim Week. Oh, so fun.
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  If you're like, what the fuck is she talking about? It's just like this silly
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  week of models walking around in swimsuits.
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  So should be fun. I am working, but still hopefully should be fun.
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  But that being said, the sarcasm this week are probably going to be scarce because
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  I'm going to be super busy.
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  So that being said, again, if you want to do a sarcasm this week,
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  please reach out to me because I definitely could use the help.
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  In real news, Iran just ended the longest nationwide internet shutdown in modern
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  history after 88 days offline.
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  88 days. That's over two months without internet and people not being able to
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  connect with others and just get some entertainment.
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  Apparently, the government shut down internet access because of the war,
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  saying it was for national security, which is also what I say when I ignore
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  texts for three days and put my phone on do not disturb for like a week.
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  One government official announced the return of the internet by saying,
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  the first step toward free and regulated access to cyberspace has been taken.
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  Who can believe anything that the Iranian government has to say anyways?
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  But could you imagine America losing the internet for 88 days?
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  We would collapse by like hour four.
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  A woman in Brooklyn will be screaming outside of Sweetgreen because she can't
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  access her Pilates waitlist.
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  A finance guy in midtown would have to sit alone with
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  his thoughts on the subway for the first time since 2017 horrific
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  the craziest part is is people in
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  iran still had to continue living normal life during all this of
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  course people were running businesses trying to work trying to contact family
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  members and meanwhile the entire country basically got sent to digital prison
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  also to be clear internet traffic was only partially restored which feels very
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  we brought the power back, but only for Fox News and weather.
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  But 88 days without social media does make me wonder something.
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  Someone out there probably was able to, like, be spiritually healed.
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  Someone else touched grass. Another person read some books. Maybe somebody learned woodworking.
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  Meanwhile, the second the Wi-Fi came back, everyone else immediately was like,
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  Wait, okay, so what did I miss?
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  And the answer is not much. The world is still freaking crazy as hell.
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  It's better off just not knowing anymore. Donald Trump just had another physical
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  yesterday at Walter Reed and
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  immediately announced that everything checked out, in all caps, perfectly.
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  That's what every dad over 70 describes their health, right before falling asleep
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  in a lawn chair for three hours.
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  Trump is about to turn 80 years old, which feels impossible because he's both
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  14 and 97 at the same time.
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  The White House still hasn't released many details from the exam,
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  but they did mention bruising on his hands, swelling in his legs,
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  fatigue, and a mysterious neck rash.
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  At this point, his medical chart sounds like the warning label on a pharmaceutical commercial.
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  Apparently, AIDS said the bruises on his hands are from handshakes,
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  which is a kind of funny explanation because it makes it sound like he's been
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  campaigning in a Bass Pro shop for like 14 straight months.
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  And then there's the phrase advanced imaging.
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  That's pretty vague medical language. Advanced imaging either sounds incredibly
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  serious, or they just upgraded the iPhone camera.
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  Also, one doctor previously claimed Trump's heart was 14 years younger than
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  his actual age, which means Donald Trump has the cardiovascular system of a
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  65-year-old casino owner.
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  Inspiring stuff. The funniest part to me is presidents always release these
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  health reports like they're up reviews for their organs, like liver performing
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  beautifully, tremendous veins.
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  Doctors have never seen cholesterol this patriotic. I mean, every presidential
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  health update is basically the same. The public asks, is he okay?
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  And the White House responds like a hostage negotiator, reading a prepared statement.
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  President remains strong.
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  Strong doing what exactly? Because half the footage lately is him blinking slowly
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  at military parades like your uncle after two martinis at a holiday dinner.
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  Still, though, 80 years old and running the country is objectively insane.
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  I sprained something reaching for a pan in the bottom cabinet.
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  And meanwhile, all of these men are negotiating nuclear policy with compression socks on.
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  Meanwhile, over in China, a 60-year-old Chinese dissident escaped China in a
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  rubber boat and landed in South Korea.
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  I mean, the level of commitment here makes every person who says,
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  I want to move abroad someday, look deeply unserious.
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  This man has tried escaping China four different times.
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  Thailand, Vietnam, swimming to Taiwan, and now a rubber boat to South Korea.
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  At this point, he's basically starring in the world's most stressful, amazing race.
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  The craziest detail is that that one time he literally tried to swim to Taiwan.
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  Like, literally swim over there. I complain when the subway stairs are too steep,
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  and this man said, I will freestyle my way to democracy.
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  But after eight hours in the water, he called a friend and basically went,
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  Save me, because I'm swimming to Taiwan right now.
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  Which is maybe the weirdest sentence to hear on a random Tuesday afternoon.
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  Like, could you imagine getting that phone call? Hey, what's up, dude?
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  I'm currently swimming to Taiwan, but can you come pick me up, please? I'm scared.
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  Also, the fact that he was inspired by another dissident who escaped by jet ski is incredible.
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  Apparently, there's an underground Fast and Furious franchise for political asylum.
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  And every vehicle just keeps getting funnier. First, they're swimming,
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  and then a rubber boat, and then jet skiing.
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  At this rate, someone's going to parasail into South Korea next year,
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  holding a duffel bag and a fake mustache.
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  But underneath all the absurdity, the story is actually kind of brutal.
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  The guy lost his job, he got imprisoned multiple times, he got sent back after
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  trying to flee, and basically spent years under surveillance just trying to
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  reunite with his family.
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  People don't repeatedly risk dying at sea because things feel kind of annoying.
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  You do that when staying feels impossible.
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  And still, I just can't stop thinking about this image of a guy crossing the
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  ocean in a tiny rubber boat at 68 years old.
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  Meanwhile, I'm like 31, live in New York City in the Upper East Side,
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  and need to very much so mentally prepare for a Trader Joe's trip.
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  And somewhere in the middle of all this, there's just a guy in South Korea who
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  just looked out into the ocean and saw a random guy drifting towards shore,
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  like the very beginning of a political Gilligan's Island.
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  In Lindsay life I had to say goodbye again
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  to my roommate yesterday because we're both
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  so busy traveling and doing stuff it's
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  so funny the other day someone was asking me
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  what I was doing for my birthday and I was like oh
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  my god I get to hang out with my roommate she's in town and the
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  woman's like your roommate is in town what
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  and I was like yeah sorry you don't get
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  it's weird telling random people but my
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  roommate is in town because obviously why
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  wouldn't she be but I forget that a lot of
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  people don't know my situation that my
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  roommate's this really fucking cool musician and I
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  work in television so we're both really never
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  home things I'm thinking about I think
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  that there should be a spreadsheet of every fitness instructor
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  and all of the different studios across New York City and you can write like
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  notes on what they're like and what kind of music they play and how you feel
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  about them because there's just so many different classes you can take and so
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  many different instructors we should be able to know what we're getting ourselves
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  into and we should all collectively.
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  Keep chart but also not let the instructors know about this because then I feel
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  like they would try to skew it maybe I don't know I'm also thinking about this
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  out loud in real time on this podcast which I probably should have done before.
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  Anyway, I really need to get some rest. Cooking tip of the day.
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  Let your sister do it. She'll make it way better than you.
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  Feedback, comments, questions, a nice Jewish by looking for a date,
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  email me at lindsay at thedailystarcast.com.
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  Thanks so much for listening. Hopefully talk to you guys tomorrow.