Latest / Useless Banter / Biggest "Ick" When Hooking Up

Transcript

Biggest "Ick" When Hooking Up · Useless Banter

0:01
SPEAKER_03: Should we do the podcast?
0:02
SPEAKER_01: No, yeah, we should probably start.
0:04
SPEAKER_01: I think it's time.
0:06
SPEAKER_01: Hi, my name is Louise.
0:07
SPEAKER_03: And my name is Brett.
0:08
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Useless Banter.
0:10
SPEAKER_03: A podcast where two best friends won't shut up.
0:12
SPEAKER_03: What the fuck?
0:14
SPEAKER_01: Basically, a podcast where we talk about a bunch of useless shit that is highly entertained.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: No.
0:20
SPEAKER_01: You messed up now.
0:22
SPEAKER_01: It's highly entertaining.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: Basically, a podcast where you talk about a bunch of useless shit that doesn't really matter, but it's highly entertaining.
0:32
SPEAKER_03: I'd be on the highly entertaining, so drop your expectations.
0:36
SPEAKER_03: Lower your expectations.
0:37
SPEAKER_03: Brace your glasses.
0:38
SPEAKER_03: Brace your glasses.
0:39
SPEAKER_03: Lower your expectations.
0:41
SPEAKER_03: And let's get useless.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: Okay, struggle.
0:45
SPEAKER_01: Okay, we made it.
0:47
SPEAKER_03: Oh, golly.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: Hi girl.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: Wait, you're back in town for a hot skin.
0:51
SPEAKER_03: Hey, for like four days.
0:52
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, wait, cheers to that.
0:54
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
0:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
0:57
SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
0:57
SPEAKER_02: Training for it.
0:59
SPEAKER_03: I thought you'd never ask.
1:00
SPEAKER_03: We need like a little, you know.
1:04
SPEAKER_03: Should we just try to make it loud?
1:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:07
SPEAKER_02: Sipping on this wine.
1:08
SPEAKER_03: Like we're like doing it.
1:09
SPEAKER_02: Are you ready?
1:14
SPEAKER_03: Oh god.
1:15
SPEAKER_03: She was kind of strong.
1:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, man.
1:17
SPEAKER_03: Oh, well.
1:18
SPEAKER_02: I don't know how strong, but like hey, it's like the fruitiest of fruity.
1:22
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, hey, I picked out the wine today, so it's hey, moscato, pink moscato, tootie and fruity.
1:28
SPEAKER_02: And I'm usually like not that girl.
1:31
SPEAKER_03: But like, you know, yeah, beggars can't be choosers.
1:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna.
1:35
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you got the broken one again.
1:37
SPEAKER_03: Um funny how that works out, isn't it?
1:41
SPEAKER_03: Um, okay.
1:42
SPEAKER_03: But yeah, what's what's been up, gal?
1:45
SPEAKER_03: Update me.
1:46
SPEAKER_03: I've been, hey, just for everyone to know, I know you guys probably know a little bit, but every summer I'm gone for four or five months.
1:54
SPEAKER_03: And um, so my my journey just started.
1:57
SPEAKER_03: I am back for the 4th of July, which is gonna be fun.
2:00
SPEAKER_03: We're gonna like kiki, we're gonna have a moment, but then I'm gone for like literally three months straight.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's cutting.
2:05
SPEAKER_03: It's really is so difficult and challenging.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I feel like lately it's been, or at least like when we talk about it, it's like interesting because has it been three years now that we've known each other?
2:16
SPEAKER_03: I think so.
2:17
SPEAKER_03: I think it's going on three years.
2:19
SPEAKER_01: Because like last summer, two summers ago, you were gone, but we weren't really that like close.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: Close.
2:24
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we were still like building our friendship.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I feel like that was like whatever, whatever.
2:29
SPEAKER_01: And then last summer was I think the first summer that I was like.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: It was like, oh damn, this is a real gone, right?
2:33
SPEAKER_01: So then this summer, we've still been able to see each other.
2:36
SPEAKER_01: Like it's been like two weeks.
2:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, which has been nice.
2:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, which has been nice.
2:39
SPEAKER_01: Now it's like this is gonna be the big stretch.
2:40
SPEAKER_03: It's about to be the big stretch, yeah.
2:42
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
2:42
SPEAKER_03: I know it's so it's so interesting.
2:44
SPEAKER_03: I like literally when people get into come into my life, I'm like, you have to know that I am going to be like taken off of the map for an entire summer, and people are like, Oh yeah, I'm sure, like whatever.
2:56
SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, no, like legitimately, I'm gone.
2:59
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so also it's why dating is hey, as if it wasn't already difficult, just to like add a little bit more, a little bit more, a few more challenges.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's like you meet somebody and then you're gone for months.
3:11
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and you know what's funny is that that always happens to me.
3:14
SPEAKER_03: It's like the whole year I'm home, it's like dry, dry, dry.
3:17
SPEAKER_03: No one on the roster.
3:19
SPEAKER_03: Well, I wouldn't say no one.
3:20
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I was like, girl, okay, we're gonna make it.
3:22
SPEAKER_03: But like I'll meet, like, I'll be like, oh wait, this is actually one that I could really see myself like dating or whatever.
3:27
SPEAKER_03: And then it's like, oh, and you know what?
3:29
SPEAKER_03: You met them just in time for you to leave.
3:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh.
3:32
SPEAKER_03: Which speaking of, okay, this actually to update you, so I uh and I'm actually interested to hear what your opinion or whatever.
3:41
SPEAKER_03: So okay, I uh right before I left, so like maybe was that a few weeks ago, I met this guy off of Grindr.
3:49
SPEAKER_03: We okay, we had we had um we had followed each other on Instagram.
3:53
SPEAKER_03: So I knew him from Instagram and I always had like a crush on him.
3:55
SPEAKER_03: Like I'm like, oh my god, this man is so beautiful, whatever, so my type.
4:00
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
4:01
SPEAKER_03: Um, and like that was that.
4:03
SPEAKER_03: Like, I think we messaged on Instagram like years ago, and then it kind of just died off.
4:07
SPEAKER_03: And then he had messaged me on uh on an app and we set up a hookup, whatever.
4:15
SPEAKER_03: We went and we hooked up, you know.
4:17
SPEAKER_03: He said the same thing.
4:17
SPEAKER_03: He was like, Oh, I've always thought you were so attractive.
4:19
SPEAKER_03: I'm so glad we're doing this, whatever.
4:20
SPEAKER_03: Anyways, long story short, it was like literally incredible.
4:24
SPEAKER_03: Like the the the chemistry, um, like we did not want to like leave hanging out with each other.
4:30
SPEAKER_03: You could just tell when someone's like uh like you can tell when someone's really into you, and I could tell he was really into me, and the feeling was so mutual.
4:37
SPEAKER_03: So we were just like really, really in it.
4:40
SPEAKER_03: And then um, and then even like afterwards, like I had texted him and I was like, Hey, uh, you know, I'm still thinking about you, whatever, blah, blah, blah.
4:48
SPEAKER_03: And he was like, Oh, same.
4:49
SPEAKER_03: Like our interaction was really special to me.
4:51
SPEAKER_03: Like, I haven't had that much chemistry with someone in a long time.
4:54
SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, oh my God, okay, maybe this is like a thing, whatever.
4:57
SPEAKER_03: Um, and we hooked up.
4:59
SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay, actually, I so backpedal.
5:02
SPEAKER_03: Um, we hooked up and afterwards we're like laying in bed, just like, you know, pillow talk, talking, asking questions, like I'm asking him what a zodiac sign is.
5:13
SPEAKER_03: You know, we're just like getting to know each other, and I'm like, oh, this is I'm like, this is about to be trouble.
5:16
SPEAKER_03: Like, I can already tell.
5:17
SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm into you, whatever.
5:19
SPEAKER_03: And then he tells me, he's like, you know, um, I actually am in an open relationship.
5:26
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
5:27
SPEAKER_03: Like bugging a tale as old as time.
5:29
SPEAKER_01: No, and also like just stick another dagger in my heart, like honestly.
5:33
SPEAKER_03: I literally, like a part of me died in that moment.
5:35
SPEAKER_03: Like my soul, like, it just you're like, wait, we're actually having a connection.
5:38
SPEAKER_03: I'm literally like like kicking my feet, like like whatever.
5:42
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, by the way, hey, by the way, I am in an open relationship.
5:45
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, okay, so do I like like are we the only ones that are not in open relationships?
5:48
SPEAKER_03: This is what I'm saying, dude.
5:50
SPEAKER_03: Like, it is sending me so hard.
5:52
SPEAKER_03: So, anyways, I'm like, oh, okay, well, nice.
5:58
SPEAKER_03: Congrats.
5:58
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, after like we had like the most romantic, passionate like interaction.
6:03
SPEAKER_03: Like, it wasn't like a hit it and quit it's ideal.
6:06
SPEAKER_03: Like, it was very enum.
6:07
SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, oh, okay, nice.
6:09
SPEAKER_03: Like, you're just out here doing that, what we just did with other people, but I mean, go off king.
6:14
SPEAKER_03: So, anyways, I'm like, oh, okay.
6:16
SPEAKER_03: And he's like, but um, we did have the conversation already that we are not each other's person.
6:23
SPEAKER_01: Him and his partner, correct.
6:25
SPEAKER_03: He told me that they he and the partner had the conversation that they know they're not each other's person, they do live together.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: Um okay, is this like a recent development?
6:36
SPEAKER_03: I don't, I didn't really keep like prying.
6:39
SPEAKER_03: Okay, you know, which I I get, but um, because I'm just like, oh, okay.
6:42
SPEAKER_03: And then he had told me he was like, you know, I um like I've done a lot of growing and like I will always love him as a person, like I'll always have love for him.
6:49
SPEAKER_03: I'm sure we'll always be friends, but I know that like he's not my person.
6:53
SPEAKER_03: Um so then why?
6:55
SPEAKER_03: And so I was like, I was like, well, well, right.
6:57
SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, I don't know if it has to do maybe with the fact that they live together.
7:01
SPEAKER_01: But you can, girl, if you're if you have had the convers if somebody told me that we are not each other's person, I'd be like, okay, then let's end this.
7:10
SPEAKER_01: But even if we're living together, we can split, we can be separate, but I can figure out the living situation.
7:15
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
7:15
SPEAKER_03: I've lived with a partner before and I know how difficult that is when it's like, okay, it's like I still have love for you.
7:20
SPEAKER_03: I just know that this is not my forever.
7:21
SPEAKER_03: So maybe they are in the process of like figuring out the separation and stuff, but it's like they want to like keep a cushion while they're there, you know, like because I understand that too.
7:31
SPEAKER_03: Um obviously it's just unfortunate circumstances for me.
7:36
SPEAKER_03: Um, and then and I so I asked him, I was like, well, okay, I'm like, is is open are open relationships like your gig?
7:43
SPEAKER_03: Like, is that what you're interested in?
7:45
SPEAKER_03: And he was like, honestly, no.
7:47
SPEAKER_03: Like, this is the first relationship open relationship I've ever been in, and I truly believe that like when I find my person, I won't need other people.
7:54
SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, okay, like work because I love love to hear that, but also I'm like, are you just saying that because you think that's what I want to hear in this moment?
8:03
SPEAKER_03: Because I've verbalized that I'm not interested in open relationships.
8:07
SPEAKER_03: Um, or is this like is that real?
8:09
SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't know.
8:10
SPEAKER_03: The the one thing I will say about him is he do he does genuinely seem like a very good person, like kind person, and I do, you know, he has like told me about his career and some of the things he's done, and I do have a lot of respect for him, and vice versa.
8:23
SPEAKER_03: Like, he's very interested to hear about like my dance journey and stuff like that.
8:27
SPEAKER_03: Um so, anyways, long story short, my my most recent update is that you know, I have this kind of crush on someone who's in an open relationship.
8:37
SPEAKER_03: I know I can't like I think for a second, for like a week or two, I was really like holding on to it and like you know, really into like any dialect that we had, Instagram messaging, texting.
8:50
SPEAKER_03: I met up with him again, we hooked up again, and it was like great again, and we hung out a little bit afterwards and whatever.
8:57
SPEAKER_03: But I think that I I know realistically I have to take a step back.
9:04
SPEAKER_03: Um, because regardless, even if they broke up tomorrow or today, like officially, it's like I know there's still time to heal and all that stuff.
9:12
SPEAKER_03: It just it just sucks when it feels so good and so real, but it's like again, like we always talk about in our community, it's like this is the messy part.
9:22
SPEAKER_01: But also, I mean, whether gay or not, I just think like actions speak louder than words.
9:28
SPEAKER_01: So, like, until he's like, Hey, I've split up with my partner and I'm moving on, like, what are you?
9:35
SPEAKER_01: What is there's no there is nothing, yeah.
9:37
SPEAKER_01: Like, I just feel like it's kind of pointless.
9:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, especially if what we're talking about is like wanting monogamy and wanting trust and wanting all of that stuff.
9:44
SPEAKER_01: Like, how am I supposed to trust somebody that is literally out here starting a relationship before even ending the one he's in?
9:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, yeah.
9:51
SPEAKER_01: It's like I I really, really would be like, no, you have to figure that out and have a clear mind about it, come to that conclusion yourself.
9:59
SPEAKER_01: Because what if he ends up changing his mind?
10:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I think.
10:02
SPEAKER_01: He ends up being like, oh, you know what?
10:03
SPEAKER_01: Actually, I don't want to split up with this person.
10:05
SPEAKER_03: That's why I I removed I I really was like feeling it and like allowing it to affect me, I feel like for a second.
10:11
SPEAKER_03: But I feel like I've allowed, I've released weight from it because I know realistically that this is not what this can't be a thing right now.
10:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the timeline.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: You know, it just the timeline is yeah.
10:23
SPEAKER_03: If it is gonna be a thing, maybe I'd be open to it later on in the future because I do really, really think he's a cool human being.
10:28
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
10:29
SPEAKER_03: But the with the given circumstances, like I just can't devalue myself to being in a situation like that.
10:35
SPEAKER_01: I just like I think it is just so easy for it to get messy and like why why are we putting ourselves in the fire?
10:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know what I mean.
10:42
SPEAKER_03: Like it just feels like the same song, same dance.
10:45
SPEAKER_03: Like it feels so this this specific situation feels so repetitive.
10:49
SPEAKER_03: Like it feels like this is something that I keep going into.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: So, anyways, yeah, I am I think it's like the commitment aspect of it, you know, that's really hard.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: I mean, funny, he's come in a committed relationship, but I feel like on the right, right, quote quote.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, on the flip side, I feel like I've just been dealing with you know, kind of like the lack of wanting to take it there, where it's like people want the boyfriend fantasy, but they don't want to actually commit to it.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: Right.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: Like I I guess, yeah, I've been talking to this boy or was, he was gone for like a month recently for work, but I was like talking to this boy and we were fully hanging out, and I kind of mentioned him to you, but like we had hung out a good amount of times, you know, and it was very, very much like the first time we hung out.
11:39
SPEAKER_01: Well, we we had known each other for a long time, but we didn't really ever connect, you know, we just knew of each other, and then we finally connected and we were trying to hang out for the longest time.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: Timing just wasn't working, so it ended up just being like I went over, we had dinner at his place, and we ended up hooking up, which I was like, okay, is this is this all it's gonna be?
11:57
SPEAKER_01: It's just like a hookup, you know.
11:58
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, did you have um did you hook up before or after dinner?
12:01
SPEAKER_03: Both yeah, you gotta involve me.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: We hooked it before, food came, we ate, and then we went again.
12:10
SPEAKER_03: Honestly, period.
12:11
SPEAKER_01: No, it was it was great, yeah.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
12:14
SPEAKER_01: So again, like we did talk a lot too, like we we talked a bunch, and even when I first met him, I was like, Oh, we actually have a lot to talk about, and it just feels really good, and yeah, the connection was strong.
12:25
SPEAKER_01: But then he was the one who after we hooked up was like, Hey, I want you to know that this for me is not just a hookup.
12:33
SPEAKER_01: I actually really do want to get to know you and I want to take you on a proper date.
12:37
SPEAKER_01: So again, I'm like, okay, I actually speak louder than words.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: Let's see.
12:40
SPEAKER_01: Let's get into it.
12:40
SPEAKER_01: He was very proactive.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: He was like, Hey, what are you doing this night?
12:44
SPEAKER_01: Let's go to dinner, let's go to this place, like, set the plan.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Okay, this guy seems like he means business, you know?
12:51
SPEAKER_01: So we did.
12:51
SPEAKER_01: We went out to dinner.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: We um we just went out to dinner, had a good time, it was great.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: We ended up hanging out a couple more times after that.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: The only thing that what was that like in the in-between, it was like radio silence.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: Like, we would hang out and it'd be this like amazing thing, and we'd be like, Oh my gosh, we vibe.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: And I even asked him, you know, I was like, So what are you looking for?
13:10
SPEAKER_01: Like, are you looking to date with intention?
13:12
SPEAKER_01: He's like, I am looking to build something with my person, and I want to build this empire, and I want to be, you know, like he was going on and on.
13:18
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Okay, great.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: Like this, this is we're very aligned.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:23
SPEAKER_01: And then, but then again, radio silence in the in-betweens, which listen, I understand.
13:28
SPEAKER_01: We're both busy.
13:29
SPEAKER_01: You and I are busy.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: Like, we get what it's like to be running around doing a million things, but also I'm like, let's be real.
13:35
SPEAKER_01: Like you're on your phone.
13:36
SPEAKER_03: If you wanted to, you would.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, even just like a little heyway, whatever.
13:41
SPEAKER_03: Two seconds.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: I I I lay in bed before I go to bed.
13:43
SPEAKER_01: Sure, maybe I'm on my phone or I wake up, check my phone.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know what I mean?
13:46
SPEAKER_01: It's like, and I'm not saying you have to be texting, because by no means am I the person who's gonna be texting you 24-7.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: Not the girl, and that's not me.
13:54
SPEAKER_01: But but a nice little check-in or whatever, you know, also because at the beginning stages of things, that is the fun, flirty, the correct texting each other, you're correct, butterflies.
14:04
SPEAKER_03: And then it almost makes you feel crazy.
14:05
SPEAKER_03: Like, am I expecting too much?
14:07
SPEAKER_03: Especially in the beginning phases, like, oh my god, like we're both busy or whatever.
14:10
SPEAKER_03: But no, I a hundred percent believe that you are you have enough time in your day to at least reach out and say hi, or to say goodnight, or to say, hey, I'm thinking of you, or hey, it's gonna be a really busy day today.
14:21
SPEAKER_03: Like, I'll check in in the next day or so.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: Because the truth is, if I'm maybe on the fence about somebody, or maybe I'm not feeling them that way, or whatever, then I might not be texting back as much.
14:32
SPEAKER_01: So then that makes me think.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: Correct.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm like, okay, well, maybe you're not really that as into it as you seem.
14:39
SPEAKER_01: But then when we hang out, it's like fireworks, and I'm like, why are you acting this way?
14:44
SPEAKER_01: You're acting like you were wanting to make me your boyfriend, but then outside of that, we're not gonna be like, Because it's like you don't have to do all that, you don't have to do all that.
14:51
SPEAKER_03: If you're if you just want to have fun, let's get into it.
14:53
SPEAKER_03: That's fine.
14:54
SPEAKER_01: I think that people lack intimacy and they want it so bad that they they get it, and that's the craving.
15:00
SPEAKER_03: And then it fixed and you they get their fix.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: And then they're good for hey, like a week.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know what I mean?
15:05
SPEAKER_01: So it's funny because it's so crazy.
15:07
SPEAKER_01: I know.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: So it's funny because then he had told me that he's gonna be away for like four or five weeks for work, right?
15:14
SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, okay, listen, I'm already kind of on the fence.
15:17
SPEAKER_01: Like, I was like, if the communication doesn't change, like either I have to have a conversation with him or I just like let it be, you know.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm like, okay, this I'm I'm realizing what this is.
15:27
SPEAKER_01: So I was like, okay, five weeks, like let's see.
15:30
SPEAKER_01: But then he was like, Yeah, when I get back, my birthday's coming up, and I want you to come on the on this boat with all my friends, and da da da.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, we're gonna slow your horses, you know, like slow down.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm like, you can't even text me back in the in between so.
15:43
SPEAKER_01: And you want me to get on a boat and meet your friends after five weeks, like, let's see how this five weeks go.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: Hey, five weeks.
15:49
SPEAKER_03: Radio silence.
15:52
SPEAKER_03: Hey, it was guys, not me.
15:55
SPEAKER_01: And to be honest, I wasn't even really like thinking, I'm not like sitting there waiting for him to text me.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: I really I wasn't, but then when you know, when he got back, he did message me once on Instagram, and it was like just it was just like, you know, I don't know, it just felt like an ego thing, you know?
16:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like just to like keep me around, whatever.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: So he messaged me once, and I think the context of which he messaged me in was like just not ideal.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: So, anyways, um so he came back and he was like, Hey, we should hang out, you know?
16:30
SPEAKER_01: So I was like, okay, like listen, in my head, I was like debating, do I even give this guy the time of day I haven't heard from him in weeks?
16:36
SPEAKER_01: But I was like, maybe maybe I do, and maybe if I hang out with him, I have that conversation, you know, like I have to for my own sanity.
16:45
SPEAKER_01: Just to be like, look, if you want to have a good time, period, we can do that.
16:48
SPEAKER_01: But if you want more, then like let's talk about it.
16:51
SPEAKER_01: Um so yeah, unfortunately, I have not had that conversation with him yet.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: We all just just send him this.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: We have so like we haven't hung out yet.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: That that's the truth.
17:05
SPEAKER_01: And I just to be honest, when he got back, that week was so crazy, and I was just feeling a little overwhelmed and not emotionally and mentally like ready to be there and have that conversation.
17:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:15
SPEAKER_01: So like, you know what?
17:16
SPEAKER_01: Let me give myself a moment because I want to go into this level-headed and just like you know, um, relaxed.
17:23
SPEAKER_01: So TBD on that, but again, it's just I I have moments of even debating, going through that.
17:30
SPEAKER_01: Right.
17:30
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm like, am I wasting my time?
17:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't want to have to make someone feel like they have to communicate with me, you know, like at the same time.
17:40
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
17:40
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
17:41
SPEAKER_01: I just want someone to communicate with me.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: But also it's funny, I've been talking to, you know, like a variety of our friends, and I just feel like people do, you know, some people have the perspective of like, no, I get it, like you shouldn't have to.
17:51
SPEAKER_01: And then some people are like, well, sometimes boys are oblivious, or sometimes people aren't mind readers, you know what I mean?
17:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so communicating it never hurts if things don't change after that.
18:02
SPEAKER_01: So that's kind of where I'm trying to go with it.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:04
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I do think that it could be worth a conversation.
18:09
SPEAKER_03: Um, but I do also fully believe the sentiment that like if you wanted to, you would.
18:16
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
18:17
SPEAKER_03: And like when there's all when it's this passionate and this fiery in person or whatever, why would you not want to communicate?
18:24
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
18:25
SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm saying.
18:26
SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
18:26
SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't know.
18:27
SPEAKER_03: It's like you're gonna go five weeks and not think about me or want to talk to me once.
18:31
SPEAKER_03: Like, yeah, there's also like um, I feel like when you're building a relationship, like you're also building like your texting dialect, you're building your like phone calls, like you have to build like what is that gonna look like in your relationship, and like I can't be in a relationship where that's silent.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: Yes, me too.
18:47
SPEAKER_01: Because also, if if you are gonna be someone who's traveling a lot, then like that's all we all have.
18:52
SPEAKER_01: That's all we have.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: That's all we have.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, so if we can't even have that, then this is not gonna work.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: No, so honestly, that's what I told myself.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: I was like, if the communication isn't there, then unfortunately, as much as I feel like I do have a connection with this person, I just don't think it's realistic.
19:05
SPEAKER_01: I don't think it's for me because I'm already like when it comes to long distance and things like that, that's already hard for me.
19:11
SPEAKER_01: Like, I I definitely am like, I want to be with you physically, right?
19:15
SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
19:16
SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, if we're not even gonna be able to communicate, then babe, yeah.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: That's that's gonna be hard.
19:20
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's gonna be hard.
19:21
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
19:22
SPEAKER_03: So fun.
19:23
SPEAKER_03: So so we're both still single.
19:26
SPEAKER_02: Hey, shocker.
19:27
SPEAKER_03: We're both still single, hey, still manifesting best friends, preferably one that's not married.
19:34
SPEAKER_02: Both that are single and monogamous, like oh my god.
19:39
SPEAKER_03: Okay, that is okay.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: LOL, yeah.
19:43
SPEAKER_01: Um, other than that, I mean, listen, we're having a good time.
19:46
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
19:46
SPEAKER_03: We're okay.
19:47
SPEAKER_03: Speaking of good time, actually.
19:49
unknown: Okay.
19:51
SPEAKER_02: Now we're in time.
19:52
SPEAKER_03: I just hey that just made me think about earlier today.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: Today is earlier today.
20:00
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
20:01
SPEAKER_03: 25 minutes ago.
20:02
SPEAKER_03: No, I okay.
20:03
SPEAKER_03: This made me think about this, and I was like, oh my god, we should definitely talk about this on the pod.
20:07
SPEAKER_03: Um, okay, so I hooked up with this guy earlier today.
20:10
SPEAKER_03: Period.
20:12
SPEAKER_03: And it made me think about some of like the ics that I get in regards to like hookups, but like what did he do?
20:18
SPEAKER_03: More so intercourse specifically.
20:21
SPEAKER_03: Um intercourse.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: So proper um Do you want to have intercourse?
20:27
SPEAKER_01: Are you potentially interested in intercourse with me?
20:35
SPEAKER_02: If only that's how imagine that's how people touch.
20:42
SPEAKER_02: Top bottom.
20:43
SPEAKER_03: Looking question mark, picks, question mark, post-travel question mark.
20:47
SPEAKER_03: I honestly uh do all those as well, though.
20:50
SPEAKER_03: So you know, when I'm looking, I'm looking.
20:54
SPEAKER_03: You know, I can't, there's no shame in my game.
20:56
SPEAKER_03: Like when I when that's what I'm interested in, that's that's that's what you're gonna get, that version of me.
21:00
SPEAKER_03: Anyway, so I hooked up with a guy um earlier today.
21:06
SPEAKER_03: Okay, sorry, there we go.
21:07
SPEAKER_03: I hooked up with a guy earlier today, and it was good, the the sex was good, whatever.
21:14
SPEAKER_03: It was it was great.
21:15
SPEAKER_03: And then, but then you get to, and I was bottoming, whatever, then you get to the end, he comes, which great, love it.
21:22
SPEAKER_03: Like, love that this is a good external.
21:25
SPEAKER_03: And then they make it like such like they're like shaking me.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: They're like shaking and boning and like what and I'm like, what and you're literally like a full episode and I'm like, yeah, I'm like, whatever.
21:48
SPEAKER_03: And then whatever, so then they do that, and then or it's like they put like their whole frickin' body weight on you, and then you're like, yeah, good job.
21:55
SPEAKER_03: Whatever, and then and then it's like I'm like they like roll over after.
21:59
SPEAKER_00: Like, dad.
22:00
SPEAKER_03: And they're dead.
22:00
SPEAKER_03: And then I'm like, well, excuse me.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: Uh girl.
22:03
SPEAKER_03: I like you better have something for me to be.
22:06
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
22:06
SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
22:07
SPEAKER_03: Like, either we gotta keep that bad boy going or whatever.
22:10
SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
22:11
SPEAKER_03: We gotta do something else to like, whatever.
22:13
SPEAKER_03: At least like be invested in, you know what I mean?
22:16
SPEAKER_03: Like common courtesy.
22:18
SPEAKER_03: Common courtesy.
22:19
SPEAKER_03: Like, I just gave you all of that.
22:21
SPEAKER_03: You know what I'm saying?
22:22
SPEAKER_03: And then you're gonna roll over and just be like, dog, like, come on now.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: I hate that.
22:28
SPEAKER_01: That's so annoying.
22:29
SPEAKER_03: So that is like such an ick of mine because it just is like so inconsiderate.
22:32
SPEAKER_03: And like, I don't know.
22:34
SPEAKER_03: I you can I I guess obviously, like more so expect that from Grinder and places like that, right?
22:41
SPEAKER_03: However, when it's like someone that you like know or have been like talking to or whatever, that like straight up pisses me off because I'm like, okay, like I get it a little bit, like people on Grinder and stuff are just so hungry to get to the finish line, that's all they're there for.
22:57
SPEAKER_03: They don't really care about you, and that's kind of what you're signing up for.
23:00
SPEAKER_03: Um, but it's like if we know each other and we've had conversations before, and this is kind of like you know, friends with benefits kind of thing, it's like I I don't, I'm not gonna enjoy doing this with you anymore.
23:10
SPEAKER_03: Like that is a for sure ick of mine.
23:12
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: And like to kind of piggyback off of that ick, I hate when they don't give you a heads up.
23:20
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, some guys will be like, I'm getting close, or like, whatever.
23:24
SPEAKER_01: Hey, love that because then I know.
23:26
SPEAKER_02: Okay, let's get there.
23:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, right, wait, wait, wait, wait.
23:30
SPEAKER_02: I can I can meet you there.
23:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh, for sure.
23:33
SPEAKER_02: Like, we can we can type this, baby.
23:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:36
SPEAKER_03: Like five, six, seven, eight, eight.
23:38
SPEAKER_01: Like, give me like three eight counts and I'll be there.
23:41
SPEAKER_03: Okay, no, no, no, no.
23:42
SPEAKER_03: Literally, like, because also when you're bottoming, you only need a few eight counts.
23:45
SPEAKER_01: Well, that's what I'm saying.
23:46
SPEAKER_01: When you're bottoming, like, just give me a little, oh, I'm getting there.
23:48
SPEAKER_03: And like, and and I'm available and ready to go.
23:51
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
23:51
SPEAKER_01: But like, I hate when it's just like happens and like, oh, I'm there.
23:54
SPEAKER_01: And then like, uh, girl, I could have gotten there too.
23:57
SPEAKER_02: And you're like, girl.
23:59
SPEAKER_02: And you're like, girl.
24:01
SPEAKER_02: He finishes and everyone.
24:02
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, girl.
24:07
SPEAKER_02: Literally.
24:08
SPEAKER_02: You're gonna let me know.
24:09
SPEAKER_02: You're gonna let me know, girl.
24:10
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna be before we get started.
24:12
SPEAKER_02: Girl, before you just let me know, girl.
24:15
SPEAKER_02: Give me another.
24:17
SPEAKER_03: I just again so crazy.
24:24
SPEAKER_02: Body weight on your girl.
24:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
24:32
SPEAKER_01: No, I will say that because again, I do, I also like, also impressive, but I do love when a top is like, give me the heads up, and then they're like, no, I want to finish when you finish.
24:42
SPEAKER_01: Like, let's do it at the same time.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, serious.
24:45
SPEAKER_03: Or you know what's like a plus plus plus plus plus is when they know they're getting ready to finish, so then they will finish you at the same time.
24:55
SPEAKER_01: That's what I'm saying.
24:56
SPEAKER_01: Like when they yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
24:57
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, first, and then and they'll do like the little wraparound or whatever.
25:01
SPEAKER_03: And I'm literally like, this is like everything.
25:03
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, this is quality treatment.
25:05
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
25:05
SPEAKER_02: Five stars, right?
25:06
SPEAKER_02: Five stars.
25:07
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:07
SPEAKER_03: Because like, I don't know.
25:08
SPEAKER_03: I know that I know that it is some bottoms gig for them to just please.
25:13
SPEAKER_03: Like, they don't necessarily care about um themselves like getting off or whatever, and I just happen to not be that type of bottom, you know, and like no nothing against it because if that's like that, whatever.
25:26
SPEAKER_03: I it's like for me, it's like this is a 50-50 experience.
25:29
SPEAKER_03: So, like, I want you to care like about getting me there just as much as you care about getting you there, you know.
25:35
SPEAKER_01: It's funny because in my head, when you're saying that, because that's so real, and I I get that, it's like, okay, that's something that you really talk about though.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: Like, sure, it might come up if you talk about like kinks and things like that, but in in the regular, normal hookup, it's not like you're like, oh, do you like to also come at the same time?
25:50
SPEAKER_01: Or like, you know, it's not a question you ask.
25:52
SPEAKER_03: I because also it's like to me, it's a really crazy question to ask.
25:55
SPEAKER_01: Well, no, no, I I agree, but it's like it's funny because I'm thinking, like, well, common courtesy or like common sense knowledge would be like sense, yeah.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, common sense would be like just get both of you to finish, right?
26:07
SPEAKER_01: I feel like that would be common sense.
26:08
SPEAKER_03: Like this is the com that that is the common goal when we are interacting within specific engaged.
26:15
SPEAKER_01: Right, you would think that both parties want to get to the finish line, right?
26:18
SPEAKER_01: But then it's like, but then you know, then if you're in the act, I would imagine that if you're the person would communicate, like, no, I don't need to, you go, whatever.
26:25
SPEAKER_03: Well, because have you ever had an experience where it's like they finish whatever and then they're so like checked out or tapped out that you came at finished because I'm like, this is uncomfortable now.
26:35
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because now you feel like it's a chore, it's a chore, it's like they're bothered by you being there, it's like whatever.
26:40
SPEAKER_03: And it's like, listen, I get it when you come, you come to your senses, right?
26:42
SPEAKER_03: But like as you're taken out, you're taken out of it a little bit, you know, yeah, you like that bar.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, yeah, I get what you're saying.
26:50
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so I'm like, uh like I get it, but in the same breath, it's just like I don't know.
26:54
SPEAKER_03: Also, also, this is also another testament to I feel like the compatibility, or like if you're really, really that into it, because I feel like when I'm really, really into someone or someone's really, really into me, it's like of course they're gonna be considerate of that.
27:06
SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
27:07
SPEAKER_03: But also, sometimes men really don't think with this head at all.
27:12
SPEAKER_01: No, not at all.
27:13
SPEAKER_01: I also like okay, when it comes to like the dynamic of sex, I feel like when guys are just like pound town the whole time, girl, ebb and flow, please.
27:23
SPEAKER_01: Like let's not be able to do that.
27:24
SPEAKER_01: Right, right, right, right, right, right.
27:26
SPEAKER_02: Like, we can get there, but also bring it back down.
27:28
SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
27:29
SPEAKER_02: And then like speed it back up.
27:30
SPEAKER_02: You get to speed it back up, so then bring it back down.
27:33
SPEAKER_02: Like, we gotta have peaks and valleys.
27:35
SPEAKER_02: No, you know, right, right, right.
27:36
SPEAKER_03: Some guys are just like and I'm like because I love like the still moment where it's like you get to just be just be like it's more like intimacy versus like nasty, you know?
27:53
SPEAKER_03: Like where it's like you can just like kiss and you like you feel like you can have like a deeper exchange, but then like, yeah, flip me over and take me back to Pound Town, you know what I'm saying?
28:01
SPEAKER_01: But then like Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:03
SPEAKER_01: I also like I mean I get it because it's a hookup and you don't have to like I don't know, make out, I guess whatever, but I'm just such a kisser that like if you don't want to kiss, then it like I'm like, yeah, that's like half the fun for me.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: My draft.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm like, that's like half the fun for me.
28:16
SPEAKER_03: No, I I I do agree, like I can be one someone that I feel like way more used.
28:23
SPEAKER_03: I used to be more so someone who could like do the whole hookup thing without kissing.
28:26
SPEAKER_03: And like it depends on the person, but if I like the person, like I want you to kiss me the whole time.
28:32
SPEAKER_03: Like the whole as much as you can kiss me during the experience, I want that.
28:35
SPEAKER_03: And and especially if it's like a good exchange, like or whatever.
28:38
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, that's what keeps me going.
28:40
SPEAKER_03: Like it's like you're like locked in, I'm like, I feel safe.
28:42
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, okay, this person's got me, whatever.
28:45
SPEAKER_03: Um, okay, that actually though brings me to ick number two of mine.
28:50
SPEAKER_03: When someone is like just so aggressive, and I'm like, I can get to a certain level of aggressive, like I can, you know, I can hang.
29:00
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
29:01
SPEAKER_03: But when you're like gnawing on my lip.
29:04
SPEAKER_01: Oof.
29:05
SPEAKER_01: Ah, no.
29:05
SPEAKER_01: Mm-mm.
29:06
SPEAKER_03: It's like every kiss, it's like a little like nibble or like a little like cute, like whatever.
29:10
SPEAKER_03: It's like you're fucking chomping, babe.
29:12
SPEAKER_01: Like, oh like, ow, that hurts.
29:14
SPEAKER_03: It literally hurts.
29:14
SPEAKER_03: And has no one ever told you that?
29:16
SPEAKER_01: Maybe they haven't because I'm not the one to say that.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: Maybe they're maybe they're having because I'm not having it like every time I ow.
29:28
SPEAKER_00: No, like honestly.
29:30
SPEAKER_00: But it's like, do people not understand?
29:32
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
29:33
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like I don't know.
29:35
SPEAKER_03: It kind of like I sometimes.
29:37
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
29:38
SPEAKER_03: Um one time um it was like he wasn't getting the hint because I was like really trying to give the body language.
29:47
SPEAKER_01: Right, right, right, right.
29:47
SPEAKER_01: And that's usually the way to do it.
29:48
SPEAKER_03: That's the way to do it.
29:49
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
29:49
SPEAKER_03: So I bit back.
29:53
SPEAKER_03: Like on his lip?
29:55
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
29:56
SPEAKER_03: He went like he was because he just kept doing it.
29:58
SPEAKER_03: So I was like, you know what, bitch?
30:02
SPEAKER_02: You're gonna come in, you're gonna come back.
30:04
SPEAKER_02: And what did he did?
30:05
SPEAKER_02: He liked it.
30:06
SPEAKER_03: He was like, I could tell he was like startled by it and was like, and then like he stopped to talk about it.
30:11
SPEAKER_03: But it it honestly it works.
30:13
SPEAKER_03: Cause then he stopped.
30:14
SPEAKER_03: He stopped, yeah.
30:17
SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, yeah, well, don't do it to me if you don't want it done to you.
30:21
SPEAKER_01: That is so funny.
30:24
SPEAKER_01: So lesson learned, bite back, bitch.
30:26
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, literally, bite back.
30:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, that's crazy.
30:28
SPEAKER_01: But honestly, yeah.
30:30
SPEAKER_01: I also okay.
30:32
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, what is what's an ick of your name?
30:34
SPEAKER_01: When it comes to now that you're talking about uh pain and aggression, um, when you're giving someone a blowjob, please be gentle.
30:43
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
30:44
SPEAKER_03: She's sensitive down there.
30:45
SPEAKER_03: She's sensitive.
30:46
SPEAKER_01: Like some people listen, she like I just sometimes it's like, especially guys who love to do that, right?
30:53
SPEAKER_01: Like, oh my god, yeah.
30:55
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm happy with it.
30:56
SPEAKER_03: Consider themselves an expert.
30:58
SPEAKER_01: Experts.
30:59
SPEAKER_01: But then it's like it's painful, or there's just too much, or like whatever it is.
31:03
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, it starts to like hurt.
31:06
SPEAKER_03: No, it, yeah, and it'll take you out of the experience.
31:07
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, yeah.
31:08
SPEAKER_03: And it's like, it's like we're getting somewhere, we're getting somewhere, getting somewhere, and then you just brought me back to square one and we had to start all the way over.
31:14
SPEAKER_03: And then now that's that's on you because you're the one that's trying to get me there.
31:19
SPEAKER_03: No shade.
31:19
SPEAKER_01: Right.
31:20
SPEAKER_03: No, it's right.
31:21
SPEAKER_03: Also, for me, it's like I don't care that you can deep throat no shade.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: Honestly, yeah.
31:27
SPEAKER_03: I don't, it doesn't, it doesn't feel great for the receiver.
31:30
SPEAKER_03: I guess I don't know, maybe other people don't.
31:32
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because I do think that some people like that.
31:34
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
31:35
SPEAKER_03: And I have experienced a few, like a handful of people in my 30 years that can do that successfully without bending or biting or like whatever.
31:47
SPEAKER_03: And like even still, I don't need that.
31:49
SPEAKER_01: I don't either.
31:50
SPEAKER_01: I don't think it doesn't only do it for me.
31:52
SPEAKER_03: It does not do it for me.
31:53
SPEAKER_03: It annoys the shit out of me, actually.
31:55
SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm like literally, and I will like pull back and like do like kind of like annoying because I'm like yeah, you're bending it, you're biting it, you're like all the things, and like I'm not drop it, twist it, lock it, drop it.
32:11
SPEAKER_03: Like, I just don't need all that.
32:13
SPEAKER_03: No, like this.
32:14
SPEAKER_03: I mean a slow, consistent, like just like motion of the ocean, you know, like no, like demonstrate.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: No, no kidding.
32:23
SPEAKER_03: Also, or okay, and this is like really getting into the nitty-gritty, but like if someone like will just like stay on the head, like it hurts.
32:33
SPEAKER_03: Like, it's like so sensitive.
32:35
SPEAKER_03: And they think that they're doing their big one, they're like, oh, I'm really gonna get them this time.
32:38
SPEAKER_03: Like, and they're just like staying right there, and I'm like, stop.
32:42
SPEAKER_03: I'm literally like, like, you need to not like it's not doing it for me.
32:46
SPEAKER_03: It hurts, it hurts.
32:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think just like too much.
32:49
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes people just go really in, they go ham, and I'm like, well, slow down, let's have some TLC.
32:55
SPEAKER_01: Decorum.
32:57
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm gonna do decorum with you.
32:59
SPEAKER_03: Please have some decorum while you're uh while you're down there, right?
33:03
SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, I think just like again, I'm not an aggression person.
33:07
SPEAKER_01: Like, I we can take a slow, steady, passionate, like, you know, take your time.
33:11
SPEAKER_01: Right.
33:11
SPEAKER_03: Next ick, don't touch my hair.
33:14
SPEAKER_01: Don't touch my hair.
33:16
SPEAKER_01: Don't touch my the fucking hair.
33:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, literally.
33:19
SPEAKER_03: Um that bothers me so much.
33:20
SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't know.
33:21
SPEAKER_01: I you very much are about your hair though.
33:23
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
33:24
SPEAKER_03: Like, I think my hair is like a big part of me.
33:26
SPEAKER_03: And so I don't know.
33:27
SPEAKER_03: Like, it's just like you're yanking my hair from the back of my head, and I'm like, uh, this like I get the performance aspect of what you're trying to do here, and I don't like it.
33:38
SPEAKER_03: But like I've gotten to a point where I'm like, can you like I'll literally grab your hand?
33:41
SPEAKER_01: I mean, yeah, if you don't I you as you should.
33:43
SPEAKER_01: If you don't like something, you know what I mean?
33:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I honestly don't really have that much hair to like pull anyway, so I feel like that doesn't really has no one ever pulled your hair.
33:51
SPEAKER_01: They have, and it's usually not like it hasn't been out of hand crazy.
33:56
SPEAKER_01: I'm not you don't need to do that to me.
33:58
SPEAKER_01: Please don't, honestly.
33:59
SPEAKER_01: Also, because sometimes I'm like, my dick.
34:01
SPEAKER_03: And that's the other thing, yeah, is like I'm literally like, and I'm like, I know I look insane right now.
34:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I literally know.
34:11
SPEAKER_01: So like you don't really need to, but also to be honest, this is like the longest in a while that I've had my hair.
34:16
SPEAKER_01: Because when you first met me, it was shorter than this.
34:17
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was very shorter.
34:18
SPEAKER_01: So like I didn't really have a lot to even grab, anyways.
34:21
SPEAKER_01: So that never really was an issue with me.
34:23
SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, I feel like I don't really I also feel like I don't really give that vibe.
34:29
SPEAKER_01: Like I don't feel like guys really go to pull my hair, which is hey, thank God, because I don't need to do that.
34:35
SPEAKER_01: Um, I do like when they, you know, grab you from the neck.
34:38
SPEAKER_03: I like no, I do I'm available for a little bit of choking.
34:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just don't slap me.
34:45
SPEAKER_03: I think we know yeah, I think we covered that.
34:47
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
34:48
SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm available for a little bit of choking for sure.
34:53
SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't there's something really hot about a man's hands around your neck.
34:57
SPEAKER_02: Okay, we're gonna move on.
35:01
SPEAKER_02: Moving on.
35:02
SPEAKER_02: Moving on, I was saying that.
35:05
SPEAKER_00: I was saying that I was like, wait, okay, wait.
35:10
SPEAKER_03: In a in a sexual context.
35:11
SPEAKER_01: In a consensual way, consensual sexual, yeah.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: Although, I feel like when you're when we're talking sex choking, it's not actually like choking.
35:18
SPEAKER_03: It's not no, it's like love.
35:20
SPEAKER_03: It's like it's like a love crab.
35:22
SPEAKER_03: Okay, it's just like you're not actually like, you know, like yeah, like doing like closing my airway.
35:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:28
SPEAKER_01: It's just like more of the thought, the idea of it, I feel.
35:31
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
35:32
SPEAKER_02: Okay, anyways, we are moving on from choking.
35:34
SPEAKER_00: Next topic.
35:36
SPEAKER_03: Um, what do you have any others?
35:39
SPEAKER_03: Um I feel like that's part of it.
35:43
SPEAKER_03: When you I okay, this is another ick of mine.
35:46
SPEAKER_03: Uh when you will stay in the same position the entire time.
35:50
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, yeah.
35:53
SPEAKER_01: I feel like, well, okay.
35:55
SPEAKER_01: Actually, I kind of have two thoughts on that.
35:58
SPEAKER_01: One, yes, because like yeah, we gotta again peaks and valleys, dynamic flows, like whatever.
36:05
SPEAKER_01: But also sometimes if I am really into you, yeah, and like we're also just like getting into the well, actually, no, I feel like it always ends up changing at some point.
36:12
SPEAKER_01: But if I'm really into you, then I want to be kissing you, and like honestly, missionary can get there for a moment.
36:18
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I you know, that's if I do like you, yeah, I could I could do missionary the whole time and be content.
36:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I do it's like sometimes it's like I don't know, especially when they just like want you in doggy the whole time or something.
36:30
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, that's what that's I think that's more so what I'm saying.
36:32
SPEAKER_03: It's like I'm in doggy the whole time, and I'm like, girl, I'm it's like also I'm like it's starting to hurt.
36:36
SPEAKER_03: Like yeah, yeah, like when you're gonna do it.
36:38
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like my hip flexors are stressed.
36:40
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, I know.
36:41
SPEAKER_03: Bitch, sometimes I'm like right.
36:43
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes I'm like, oh and then you get out of it and you're like my hips.
36:46
SPEAKER_03: No, literally, you like get up and you're like really can't walk.
36:51
SPEAKER_03: Um well, and because it feels like then it feels and there's no connection really happening, right?
36:56
SPEAKER_03: Right, like so then you're just like here, here and then the worst is like when your like mind starts to wander you're like staring at something in the room and you're like wow, did it take this person back?
37:12
SPEAKER_01: No, I can't remember.
37:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
37:17
SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, glad we covered that.
37:19
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:20
SPEAKER_03: That was really something that I needed to get out.
37:23
SPEAKER_01: Right, get off my chest, like honestly.
37:26
SPEAKER_01: So um, I hope you guys learned something from that.
37:28
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, in case any future suitors watching.
37:30
SPEAKER_01: Right.
37:31
SPEAKER_01: Um, okay.
37:33
SPEAKER_01: Shall we dive into our useless confession?
37:36
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, yes.
37:37
SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
37:39
SPEAKER_03: Okay, you guys, yes, yes, yes.
37:41
SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
37:42
SPEAKER_00: When was that that you said that?
37:43
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, everyone is FaceTiming me right now.
37:46
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
37:47
SPEAKER_03: Becca FaceTime me.
37:48
SPEAKER_03: Becca.
37:49
SPEAKER_03: Oh, Becca.
37:50
SPEAKER_01: Um okay, wait, what was I gonna say?
37:54
SPEAKER_03: Um, so useless confessional.
38:01
SPEAKER_03: We do have another confessional.
38:02
SPEAKER_03: Again, all of our confessionals are completely anonymous.
38:05
SPEAKER_03: And oh yeah, actually me too.
38:07
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, they are all anonymous here.
38:15
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
38:22
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
38:23
SPEAKER_03: Okay, again, they're all anonymous, so please keep sending them in.
38:26
SPEAKER_03: Um, we're gonna give our non-expert advice.
38:30
SPEAKER_03: Right.
38:30
SPEAKER_03: Our useless advice.
38:31
SPEAKER_03: Our useless advice, but you know, the it maybe helped to giggle with two gay best friends.
38:38
SPEAKER_01: For entertainment purposes only.
38:40
SPEAKER_01: Do not take this seriously.
38:41
SPEAKER_01: We love you guys.
38:42
SPEAKER_01: This is all out of love.
38:43
SPEAKER_03: My hair.
38:44
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
38:44
SPEAKER_03: Literally, we're hey, just talking about my hair.
38:46
SPEAKER_03: Maybe someone should gromb it.
38:49
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
38:49
SPEAKER_03: Wait, here.
38:50
SPEAKER_03: Here we go.
38:53
SPEAKER_03: The realest best friend.
38:55
SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
38:59
SPEAKER_03: She's just sticking out all over, whatever.
39:01
SPEAKER_03: It okay.
39:04
SPEAKER_03: Two weeks after my husband and I got married, my entire world flipped upside down.
39:09
SPEAKER_03: One of my coworkers pulled me aside and sat and asked or and said, Can I ask you something?
39:15
SPEAKER_03: Did you know that your husband is on the sex offender registry?
39:20
SPEAKER_03: Wait.
39:21
SPEAKER_03: I honestly laughed because I thought it was some sick joke.
39:24
SPEAKER_03: I told him they had the wrong person.
39:26
SPEAKER_03: They didn't.
39:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, I already have so many questions.
39:29
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
39:30
SPEAKER_03: That night I confronted him.
39:33
SPEAKER_03: He sat there in complete silence before saying, I was gonna tell you, I just didn't know how.
39:39
SPEAKER_01: Wait, sorry, this is the husband?
39:41
SPEAKER_01: Husband or boyfriend?
39:41
SPEAKER_01: Oh, husband.
39:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
39:42
SPEAKER_03: Husband.
39:43
SPEAKER_03: They just got married.
39:43
SPEAKER_03: She found out two weeks.
39:44
SPEAKER_03: They just got married.
39:45
SPEAKER_03: Or sorry, he found out two weeks after they got married.
39:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
39:52
SPEAKER_03: He explained to me that when he had just turned 18, he was dating someone he'd been seeing for a while that was young who was younger than him.
39:59
SPEAKER_03: According to him, they had started dating when they were both in high school, but after he turned 18, the other guy's parents found out, went to the police, and everything escalated into a criminal case.
40:10
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
40:12
SPEAKER_03: He told me he accepted a plea deal because his attorney said it was the fastest way to move on with his life.
40:17
SPEAKER_03: Part of that meant he had to register as a sex offender.
40:20
SPEAKER_03: That is I just sat there trying to process what I was hearing.
40:25
SPEAKER_03: It wasn't even that I knew what to think about the case itself.
40:28
SPEAKER_03: I wasn't there.
40:30
SPEAKER_03: And I don't know every detail.
40:32
SPEAKER_03: What hit me the hardest is that we had planned a wedding, combined our our finances, stood in front of our families, exchanged vows, and he never once thought that I deserved to know something this significant before saying I do.
40:44
SPEAKER_03: I kept asking myself, if he could hide this, what else don't I know?
40:50
SPEAKER_03: He kept saying he was terrified I'd leave if I found out.
40:54
SPEAKER_03: Maybe he was right.
40:56
SPEAKER_03: For weeks I couldn't even look at our wedding photos the same way.
40:59
SPEAKER_03: Every happy memory suddenly came with a thought, you already knew you let me marry you, giving without giving me the chance to make an informed decision.
41:09
SPEAKER_03: We spent months in therapy trying to work through it.
41:12
SPEAKER_03: Some days I believe people deserve grace and second chances, and other days I'm so angry that the choice to accept all of this was taken away from me.
41:21
SPEAKER_03: I still don't know if I'm more devastated by what had happened years ago or by the fact that my husband waited until after we were married for me to accidentally discover one of the biggest secrets of his life.
41:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
41:36
SPEAKER_01: That is like not a little obviously not a small thing to but also okay.
41:42
SPEAKER_01: Wow, my brain.
41:43
SPEAKER_03: I'm like speechless.
41:45
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so many things.
41:47
SPEAKER_01: So, like, one that is obviously a really, really big thing to hide.
41:53
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I get that, like, sure, you're probably embarrassed by it, and there's so much there, but also like when you go to buy a house with somebody, when you go to even rent an apartment with somebody, the all these things that needs to be disclosed a hundred percent.
42:07
SPEAKER_01: Like, people have to know if you're on that list.
42:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so like how are you going to hide that forever?
42:12
SPEAKER_03: And the thing is, is it's public information, so people in your life will find out just how this happened.
42:18
SPEAKER_03: It was a coworker that told him.
42:21
SPEAKER_01: Like, that is so crazy because again, I just don't understand how you would even think that that would be kept a secret forever.
42:28
SPEAKER_01: Because there's gonna come a point where they're gonna find out because again, if you try to move together or whatever, people have to know.
42:35
SPEAKER_03: And isn't that a heavy anxiety to carry, worrying about whether or not your husband, your fresh, your your new husband is going to find out about this huge part of your life that you've been keeping a secret?
42:47
SPEAKER_03: Like there has to be heaviness within just keeping that from him, right?
42:50
SPEAKER_03: Because aren't you always on edge?
42:52
SPEAKER_03: Because it's it's literally it's public information.
42:54
SPEAKER_01: I'm also surprised, like, if they are already living together, how did you not know?
42:59
SPEAKER_03: Well, maybe they're just like renting an apartment or even then, I think you have to, don't you have to disclose?
43:05
SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm not sure about the apartment.
43:07
SPEAKER_03: I know, I'm not sure about the apartment.
43:07
SPEAKER_03: I'm not sure about the apartment.
43:09
SPEAKER_03: I think definitely in owning a home, you do.
43:11
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
43:12
SPEAKER_03: Um, but I'm not exactly sure.
43:13
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, maybe renting a different.
43:15
SPEAKER_01: He moved in with moved into an apartment that was already there, you know, like something like that.
43:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or if it was like him on the lease, like we don't know what that specific situation was.
43:23
SPEAKER_03: And like it's also like, was he strategically making sure all those things?
43:27
SPEAKER_03: Like if it was against his name and stuff.
43:29
SPEAKER_03: And like, while as I do have empathy for the the situation, you know, dating someone while you're both in high school, the one turns 18.
43:36
SPEAKER_03: Like, I feel like we've heard the story before.
43:38
SPEAKER_03: It really is an unfortunate story.
43:40
SPEAKER_03: Um, and you know, the whole especially in the gay community, I'm sure maybe the the other boy's parents weren't really accepting of him, and this was their way to get back at him.
43:49
SPEAKER_03: And so I'm sure that there's multiple layers, and as much as as much empathy as I can have for that, I do just struggle with the fact that this is something that you should have told your partner, you know.
43:58
SPEAKER_03: And if your partner fully loved you and had empathy.
44:00
SPEAKER_03: For you, they wouldn't leave your side, or they they would be like, Okay, there's a way that we can figure this out and stuff.
44:05
SPEAKER_01: Um also because I feel like I mean, as as crazy as that would be and a lot to take in, obviously, as a partner.
44:12
SPEAKER_01: Like, I think if you know somebody and that is the story, and you're like, look, it was just this under misunderstanding the parents were not accepting, like they fired back this way.
44:20
SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know.
44:21
SPEAKER_01: I don't think it like puts you, it doesn't make you a bad person.
44:25
SPEAKER_03: No, not at all.
44:26
SPEAKER_01: It just puts you in a bad situation.
44:27
SPEAKER_03: What makes you look like a bad person lying about it?
44:31
SPEAKER_03: Correct.
44:32
SPEAKER_03: And and going through a way with marrying someone publicly, like he said, like, you know, I'm exchanging my vows in front of you, and you didn't even give me the opportunity to make an informed decision.
44:43
SPEAKER_03: And I think that is the part that hurts the most, is like you took that right away from me.
44:48
SPEAKER_03: And so now everything that I I'm looking at with you is really just like a lie, you know, and it because it didn't have to be like that.
44:56
SPEAKER_03: I'm sure if this information was disclosed earlier on, they could have worked through it and then you know, had the wedding.
45:02
SPEAKER_03: If you had they would have had gotten married while knowing this information, yeah, none of the wedding memories or anything would have been tarnished.
45:10
SPEAKER_03: I know you by not disclosing this information tarnished a lot of beautiful things.
45:17
SPEAKER_01: I know it's also it's also just unfortunate because I don't know that person's past, obviously.
45:23
SPEAKER_01: So it's like you one could be jaded from the past, you know.
45:27
SPEAKER_01: Like let's say that he was honest and disclosed that to a partner in the past that he thought was you know, right, right, right.
45:34
SPEAKER_01: And then that partner was like, I can't be with you.
45:36
SPEAKER_01: So like the fear of losing that person again, I'm not saying that that makes it okay.
45:40
SPEAKER_01: I don't think it does.
45:41
SPEAKER_01: I think you do.
45:42
SPEAKER_01: But I mean, again, I do have empathy.
45:44
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, absolutely.
45:45
SPEAKER_01: But it's like then then what do you do?
45:48
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because then it's like now what because now it's like again, it it's it comes back to it's not even the situation that I'm upset about.
45:56
SPEAKER_03: It's the fact that it's the lie, it's the not disclosing things, it's the fact that I found out by someone through someone else instead of this person that I it's so that's so situational.
46:11
SPEAKER_03: It's situational, correct?
46:14
SPEAKER_03: Because I don't know.
46:18
SPEAKER_01: I think I mean again, it is situational because I would have to honestly be in that situation or be in that position with that person, and it would really depend what our relationship looked like overall and everything, but like Yeah, what are the conversations that you guys are having?
46:30
SPEAKER_03: What do those look like?
46:31
SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm sure he's remorseful, like but you know, what is what are the things that are being said?
46:37
SPEAKER_03: What is his take on this?
46:38
SPEAKER_03: Like, is I don't know.
46:40
SPEAKER_01: Like, I feel like there would definitely have to be some kind of you know, uh yeah, yeah, sure.
46:45
SPEAKER_01: I just married you, so I'd probably want to put in the effort to like try and fix this.
46:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but it's like at the end of the day, if if if it's not fixable, or if I can't trust you, or if there's too much there, then like I guess maybe we reassess, but like I think in my heart I would want to try and work it out.
47:01
SPEAKER_01: Correct.
47:01
SPEAKER_03: I just I just publicly said I do, and I think that's the really, really unfortunate part here, too, is because like you're supposed to be so excited, right?
47:09
SPEAKER_03: After you married, or like, oh my god, we're starting our life together, like this is it, you're you're my husband.
47:15
SPEAKER_03: Like, everyone dreams of that, everyone dreams of that moment, and so it's like you almost kind of took that moment away from me a little bit, and it's like you guys two weeks like you find out this information two weeks after, then you go, you just got married, and then you go right into marital counseling, right?
47:30
SPEAKER_03: Like that is like that's spooky.
47:32
SPEAKER_01: That is that's that's not yeah, it's not I mean it's not what anyone envisions for their honeymoon phase, you know?
47:39
SPEAKER_03: Like immediately having to go into survival mode within your own marriage that just happened.
47:44
SPEAKER_03: So, like I have empathy for honestly the both of you.
47:48
SPEAKER_03: Um again, it's like I don't think that's anything that you should internalize yourself.
47:54
SPEAKER_01: I feel like also just like I know that I'd probably be having these conversations with my close circle, with my family, like all that stuff, you know.
48:02
SPEAKER_03: Lean on the people around you for sure.
48:04
SPEAKER_03: For sure.
48:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, definitely.
48:05
SPEAKER_01: I mean, if you are willing to try and make it work, then like the effort goes a long way, but also be honest with yourself.
48:14
SPEAKER_01: And like just in that process, if you are not finding the light at the end of the tunnel, then you reassess.
48:19
SPEAKER_01: But if you are, then like that's amazing.
48:21
SPEAKER_03: And I don't think there's any weak decision, right?
48:22
SPEAKER_03: Because I think that it takes a strong person to stay and it takes a strong person to leave.
48:28
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely, you know.
48:30
SPEAKER_03: So I don't think that you can look at any decision as failing or losing because I think both decisions are incredibly difficult and um yeah, useless banter, our heart goes out to you.
48:41
SPEAKER_01: No, our heart goes out to you.
48:42
SPEAKER_01: Remember to take care of yourself too throughout this process, you know.
48:45
SPEAKER_01: Yes, of course, take care of the relationship, but also take care of yourself.
48:48
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and we we, you know, obviously we support and we um we love love, so we're rooting for you guys if you guys can work through it.
48:59
SPEAKER_03: You know, I feel like just the gay community in general ha I usually typically has a lot more obstacles to face.
49:04
SPEAKER_03: And so, you know, it's beautiful when we can see a marriage, you know, come together and work and stuff, but you do have to choose you first and foremost.
49:11
SPEAKER_01: You do, you have to make sure that you're okay with that with that journey and that process and that decision.
49:16
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, okay.
49:18
SPEAKER_01: We love you guys, I know crazy.
49:20
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, take care of yourselves.
49:22
SPEAKER_02: We love you.
49:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like hey, you keep sending the stories.
49:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
49:28
SPEAKER_03: Send another one, please.
49:30
SPEAKER_01: I know.
49:30
SPEAKER_01: Insane words.
49:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh love you guys.
49:32
SPEAKER_01: We'll see you in the soon.
49:33
SPEAKER_03: Hey, what is it?
49:34
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
49:36
SPEAKER_01: Uh Illy Amelie.
49:38
SPEAKER_03: Which is about