Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Becoming My Own Soulmate: A Journey to Self-Love, Inner Truth & Heart-Centered Living with Danielle Parks

Transcript

Becoming My Own Soulmate: A Journey to Self-Love, Inner Truth & Heart-Centered Living with Danielle Parks · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:11
  Hello. Feel podcast.
• 0:12
  Welcome back this week. I'm really excited for today's
• 0:16
  guests and you hear me say that all the time but I really mean
• 0:19
  it. I intentionally made it.
• 0:20
  I have known Daniel parks for a wild night.
• 0:23
  Take 10 to 15 years ago, we met through, mutual friends, and,
• 0:28
  and connected that way. And I've gotten a chance to
• 0:31
  watch Danielle's journey. And folks, it has been a
• 0:36
  journey. May be one of the most unique
• 0:37
  Journeys, that, really? I have talked to any of Buddy
• 0:40
  about and I talked about a lot of different unique Journeys.
• 0:43
  I think the she has so much to offer us today and I always
• 0:47
  believed that but she's got a different angle and way of
• 0:51
  approaching this through her experiences that I think is
• 0:55
  going to bring a different perspective that we haven't
• 0:58
  heard before and I've been wanting to have her for a while
• 1:01
  and I finally just pulled the trigger a couple weeks ago and
• 1:06
  asked and she very graciously accepted.
• 1:09
  So Super excited to have Danielle here with us today, as
• 1:15
  you know, if you've been listening, or if you're new, you
• 1:18
  can find us on all the socials Instagram, Facebook LinkedIn,
• 1:22
  Twitter, well, maybe not Twitter anymore, but for now Twitter
• 1:27
  keep an eye on that one YouTube we are just about everywhere at
• 1:33
  embracing layers and then you can also follow us on our
• 1:36
  website, embracing lawyers.com. And that's where you'll be able
• 1:39
  to find. And a Blog about this episode,
• 1:42
  this episode recording resources that Daniels going to share with
• 1:45
  us will be recorded in there and show notes to just learn a
• 1:48
  little bit more about her as an she's introduced for the episode
• 1:54
  that's going to be dropping on her.
• 1:55
  So Danielle thanks so much for being here with me today.
• 1:59
  Pleasure. Oh my goodness.
• 2:01
  All right. You bet you bet.
• 2:03
  So we are going to Jump Right In.
• 2:04
  We are going to start with how to prioritize self-care in your
• 2:08
  life and what that looks For you and I think this has been a
• 2:13
  journey that's evolved for you. You were four years and maybe
• 2:16
  you still are a marathon runner, very good marathon runner, very
• 2:21
  competitive. And I always kind of saw that as
• 2:24
  your outlet for, for your life and what your life was at the
• 2:30
  time when you were at that time, married with stepkids, and and
• 2:35
  doing lots of different things, but talk to me about that.
• 2:38
  And what you've learned about that because I have to believe
• 2:40
  Leave. That's changed enabled for you.
• 2:42
  It definitely have yes. So prioritizing self-care.
• 2:48
  Yeah. Running was an outlet, I Iran,
• 2:56
  Iran hard. So that's kind of an analogy
• 3:01
  almost though. If I'm going to be completely
• 3:03
  honest of sorcerer was what I was doing internally to I've
• 3:07
  done and sort of just not Not prioritizing self-care.
• 3:13
  I think we just missed the Mark, I missed the mark on self-care.
• 3:19
  And unfortunately, what, as I've evolved and changed and grown in
• 3:22
  my journey, I've had to really come to terms with my
• 3:27
  relationship with running. I am so very like, passionate
• 3:32
  about it. Sure.
• 3:33
  However, I've understood now that self-care and means rest.
• 3:40
  Yeah. Yes, yes, which is so hard when
• 3:43
  were used to read it all the time?
• 3:45
  It's so hard. Yeah.
• 3:48
  All the stuff, like, when I'm working with people to, like
• 3:52
  just and thinking of her myself to just, like sure if you in
• 3:56
  this moment, just take a deep breath and think about rest and
• 4:00
  what comes up for you when you think of rest there.
• 4:02
  So yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think Shaymin that's just
• 4:07
  it, and that's what I was getting to get it.
• 4:09
  I'm so glad you brought. That up, it pushes you to sit
• 4:12
  with really uncomfortable feelings.
• 4:14
  That if you keep reading, whether it's a marathon or just
• 4:17
  your errands throughout the day or whatever it is, you're
• 4:19
  running around doing when you've got it, sit in your stuff and
• 4:23
  listen and make yourself stay there.
• 4:27
  That can be very disruptive, but also absolutely necessary.
• 4:32
  And I and I can I totally resonate with that Journey
• 4:36
  because that's where I got to as well.
• 4:38
  So I'm glad you brought that up come Definitely setting
• 4:41
  boundaries, tell me about your journey with that.
• 4:44
  Yeah, I love how they kind of both go hand in hand because for
• 4:49
  sure I think of rest and then when you ask about boundaries, I
• 4:54
  think a lot about fear. Mmm.
• 4:58
  So I always would like to think about like what are the purpose
• 5:05
  of the boundaries? What am I keeping myself?
• 5:07
  Safe from sure. And honestly, I Completely
• 5:10
  changed my relationship to boundaries whereas before you
• 5:15
  know they might have been necessary to like, keep me safe
• 5:18
  from something. Sure.
• 5:20
  But now I also see them as a growing point.
• 5:23
  So a lot of times when I feel myself coming up against
• 5:26
  something, yeah. Tech, which can be like,
• 5:30
  externally felt as tension resistance, restlessness
• 5:35
  frustration. Yeah.
• 5:37
  Sharon yeah, it's an alarm. I'm for me on coming up against
• 5:42
  some boundaries so how lujah? Because right means there's time
• 5:46
  for growth. So sort of Shifting the my
• 5:51
  Paradigm on boundaries to be my how can I use this as a way to
• 5:56
  grow and expand? That's really good.
• 5:59
  I love that and I think absolutely.
• 6:02
  Now tell me have you always felt that way with boundaries or is
• 6:05
  this something that you've had to learn in your journey?
• 6:08
  Yeah. So I would say that it's It's
• 6:10
  definitely something that's evolved as I have.
• 6:13
  And that the first step like with boundaries and with fear
• 6:18
  and like self-care and realizing all these things is really
• 6:21
  dense. I'm happy to see it.
• 6:24
  Yes knowledge it yeah, yeah. So they don't it.
• 6:29
  Don't it and not run away from it.
• 6:32
  Yeah, which is discussed, it's uncomfortable, right.
• 6:35
  And so it's not even about Changing anything.
• 6:39
  It's about me being like, there's something coming up for
• 6:43
  me and I don't know what to do about it.
• 6:45
  It's like maybe I'm talking all over the place, but it's also
• 6:49
  about giving yourself permission, not to know the
• 6:52
  answer. Not to know.
• 6:55
  Yeah. And then just being okay with
• 6:57
  that, not being. Okay?
• 6:59
  Yeah, I can go on and on about this, I think there's a lot to
• 7:02
  say about getting uncomfortable getting comfortable being
• 7:07
  uncomfortable. Oil.
• 7:08
  And and you're going to hear that theme a lot.
• 7:11
  This season, I had this conversation with another guest
• 7:15
  last week that's going to be on season 4, and it's just very,
• 7:18
  very important. If you're really going to get
• 7:22
  where you want to be that you just get like, all right, this
• 7:26
  is okay. I don't have to know it.
• 7:28
  All right. Now, that's okay because I can
• 7:30
  learn and I can find out and I can, I can evolve.
• 7:33
  Yeah, and I think like something for me, especially like in my
• 7:37
  life. If like, I've gone through so
• 7:39
  many different careers and pads like this, and yeah, he's and
• 7:43
  I'm like, oh, I just get this. I just get this, then I'll have
• 7:46
  what I need. Yeah.
• 7:48
  You just coming back into this present moment and being like,
• 7:53
  wait, what's going on right here?
• 7:55
  And right now. Yeah, you know, I am I always
• 7:58
  looking ahead what's here. Yeah, yeah.
• 8:02
  And that requires you to feel what's coming up in this moment.
• 8:06
  Yeah, and if I can share, I absolutely, I had this wonderful
• 8:13
  opportunity with this client last night and just in alignment
• 8:20
  with what you're talking about in the field podcast and stuff.
• 8:22
  And she she just has lived her whole life, like with so much
• 8:27
  emotion, right? And panic attacks fear and like,
• 8:31
  she's coming to therapy. Like there's something wrong
• 8:33
  with me and just excited. Yeah, and I don't normal for
• 8:38
  people to do that. Absolutely.
• 8:41
  But I had to tell her like no, this is not a problem.
• 8:46
  There's nothing wrong with you because of this.
• 8:48
  Yeah. And she told me, she's like, I
• 8:50
  feel like for the first time in my life, I'm hearing this, but
• 8:53
  I'm not a problem that needs to be fixed.
• 8:55
  There's nothing wrong with those emotions.
• 8:58
  Those feelings are there for a reason.
• 9:00
  And when we can listen to them, they just Propel us deeper and
• 9:04
  More expansively in our life. Yeah, I think we well we are
• 9:09
  afraid of some feelings and and culture is told us that some
• 9:13
  things are - at some things are positive tone.
• 9:16
  When in fact, there they are all there to give us Clues to what
• 9:21
  needs to be dealt with and if we can take the stereotype of - I
• 9:25
  just say all emotions are good. Yeah we were gifted with them to
• 9:30
  help us navigate and and identify When something is awry
• 9:37
  or isn't right. And we end I think we have to be
• 9:41
  okay and learn. I've had to learn how to trust
• 9:43
  those. I think we also don't trust
• 9:45
  those, we don't trust our feelings.
• 9:47
  We've been told as women especially where him too
• 9:51
  emotional and we can't trust our feelings and I it's like oh
• 9:55
  absolutely not. They're there to help us.
• 9:57
  We just put them in the right context.
• 10:00
  Absolutely trust is a huge one. Yeah yuge.
• 10:04
  Yeah. Oh yeah.
• 10:06
  And I think that's something. That was a really big thing that
• 10:11
  I noticed looking Story of My Life.
• 10:15
  Yeah. You know experiencing betrayal
• 10:19
  and relationship or yeah, betrayal in, you know,
• 10:23
  friendship or partnership. Whatever, it is sure.
• 10:27
  Really. What I realized was that the
• 10:28
  only person that was betraying me was myself and that stuff to
• 10:32
  own. Sometimes when you realize I
• 10:35
  have a Ability in this to and I, yeah, and I think that's where
• 10:39
  you're able to actually, really make progress.
• 10:41
  You take yourself out of victim mode, not taking away from the
• 10:44
  traumas and things that happen to you, but put yourself into, I
• 10:48
  have the power mode. I can make different choices
• 10:51
  here, but when you don't trust yourself you can't.
• 10:54
  It's hard to do that. You can't do that.
• 10:56
  So so I think that's can be real.
• 10:59
  Yeah, and this ties really nicely into taking care of our
• 11:03
  emotional health as much as our physical health.
• 11:06
  Which we've really kind of already talked to talked about
• 11:08
  but what are some practice you you practices?
• 11:11
  You use to process your emotions in a healthy way so they don't
• 11:14
  get stored up in here. Yeah because in my job and
• 11:19
  everybody's job in the day-to-day you're constantly
• 11:22
  taking stuff on. Yeah and a lot of people tend to
• 11:26
  blame themselves for that. So anyway sure that aside what I
• 11:30
  what I do is every day I make it a practice to I wake up in the
• 11:35
  morning. And I do, accept my intention
• 11:38
  for the day. Hmm.
• 11:40
  And I really ground myself into the moment and just like, you
• 11:43
  know, so you could call that a prayer, you know, just a ritual,
• 11:47
  whatever woman for it. And then I just give myself that
• 11:51
  time to just come into myself and really align with my North
• 11:57
  Star, mmm of life. And then, you know, depending on
• 12:04
  what's called for in that day, Like what I'm trying or what
• 12:07
  like energy isn't my field yeah. Do some yoga go for a run and I
• 12:16
  love it. Yeah I also feel you know I was
• 12:19
  kind of thinking about this too and this concept of journaling
• 12:22
  is so yeah, please Shake yes. But I have to say one thing that
• 12:29
  I think is really important to kind of reframe.
• 12:31
  What a journal means is that it's sort of a safe space to
• 12:35
  cry. To begin to create a place that
• 12:39
  is safe externally. Where you can learn to build
• 12:41
  trust in yourself. Mmm.
• 12:44
  And so many times with mental health and emotional health,
• 12:47
  there's nothing really like externally, right?
• 12:49
  That we oh, yeah, here do this and then your fake fix, right,
• 12:53
  right. It's not that way.
• 12:55
  So internal conserve is just sort of like a very external
• 12:58
  resource. Yeah, intentional space to give
• 13:02
  yourself that room to kind of build trust.
• 13:06
  Yeah, I think that's a really great way to put it.
• 13:08
  I mean, and I think you have to decide how journaling works best
• 13:10
  for you. For me, I write down what I'm
• 13:12
  feeling every day. How am I feeling this morning
• 13:14
  and why? So that I can get in touch with
• 13:17
  that and then it just kind of a bullet of like these are the
• 13:20
  things on my mind today. This is what I'm feeling.
• 13:23
  This is what I'm needing. This is what I'm hoping for this
• 13:25
  is what I'm thankful for. And what I've done for me is I
• 13:29
  used to have a really like when she responds to gratitude
• 13:34
  journals and to being told to be thankful all the time because I
• 13:38
  lived in an environment growing up and I have an episode about
• 13:41
  this last season, I've coined it weaponized gratitude where
• 13:45
  people were kind of using gratitude as a weapon with me
• 13:49
  within my spaces and I think women run into it a lot in the
• 13:52
  workspace. And so this helped me really
• 13:56
  realize that. I'm not any less grateful or
• 14:00
  thankful for what is happening in my life.
• 14:03
  That's good. Just because I'm having all
• 14:05
  these other feelings and emotions, too.
• 14:08
  But I say all that to say, find how that works for you, it's
• 14:12
  going to look different for everybody for some people.
• 14:14
  That's how they pray, if they have, if they pray for sad
• 14:17
  people, it's just where they kind of look and get all the
• 14:20
  anxious thoughts out, so they can their minds can rest.
• 14:23
  But find that find that way, that it works for you.
• 14:25
  Some people do verbal like, they will record and I'll have days
• 14:29
  that I do that. I need to talk it out.
• 14:31
  I'm an external processor and writing it down as the Nan up.
• 14:34
  So, I'll take it a next step and I'll and I'll record myself just
• 14:38
  kind of saying at all. So, that's a really important
• 14:42
  point to that the importance that everybody's journey is
• 14:46
  different. Yeah, I think I personally spent
• 14:49
  a lot of time, comparing yourself to others.
• 14:52
  Hmm. And I started to realize the
• 14:53
  importance of how when somebody truly steps into their truth and
• 14:58
  They are how much it was for everyone else.
• 15:01
  Absolutely, like an encouraging word of like really step into
• 15:05
  what works for you because that's what's meant to be in
• 15:08
  this world to be with you and will open up so much space for
• 15:12
  you and all those around you. Yeah it being patient is you're
• 15:16
  finding that and being free and not being afraid to like okay
• 15:18
  that didn't work. Let's try something new and also
• 15:21
  recognizing that's going to change in different seasons of
• 15:23
  your life, you know, my gosh. Yes State works.
• 15:28
  Yes, what works for you now is probably not going to work for
• 15:32
  you five years from now. And and you'll feel that you'll
• 15:35
  know and it's just our we get so into habits, we're like well
• 15:38
  this is always worked for me. I just got to stick to it.
• 15:40
  I'm just in a flat spot, maybe you are, but maybe it's time to
• 15:43
  change things up. And look at who you are today
• 15:45
  versus when you started that practice.
• 15:47
  Yeah, at that time, too. So flexibility within that and
• 15:50
  within you know, even the boundaries that you set, those
• 15:53
  are going to change over time. So being flexible with those, in
• 15:56
  being aware of that, And you're all these practices, all these
• 16:01
  things just hold them Loosely, have them identify them, but
• 16:05
  when they stopped feeling helpful or even if you have, you
• 16:08
  may have different days, you need different things.
• 16:10
  There are days, I need to go on a vigorous walk where I'm really
• 16:14
  like working it out, there are other days where I just need to
• 16:18
  yoga and stretch and and relaxing caught me, you know,
• 16:22
  and some days both. So listening to your body each
• 16:25
  day and being open to that. I think because each day brings
• 16:29
  different things. Yes.
• 16:32
  And life shoots us out of our bodies all the time.
• 16:36
  Yeah, actually, that's what I meant.
• 16:38
  I mean. Yeah, a lot of Shame and guilt
• 16:40
  and fear inside of our bodies. Yeah.
• 16:43
  The more that we can listen to our bodies, the better.
• 16:46
  Yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely, alright, how this
• 16:49
  goes? Nice and you kind of spoke to
• 16:51
  this earlier, the giving permission piece, how can we
• 16:53
  support ourselves and other women in living
• 16:57
  unapologetically? Lee.
• 17:00
  Again, I think it's like, we all have this idea that we have to
• 17:04
  be selfless. Right?
• 17:06
  And socially and I hear a lot. Oh my God.
• 17:08
  I have to be a caretaker after you give her.
• 17:10
  I'm this song. Yeah, for everybody.
• 17:12
  I'm a fixer. Okay, let's let all that.
• 17:15
  Go, please and correcting yourself.
• 17:18
  And when you can start listening to yourself and making yourself
• 17:22
  a priority, and really stepping into the understanding that when
• 17:27
  you do, you are there. Then allowing that space for
• 17:30
  others to do the same. Absolute any carts here?
• 17:34
  Yeah. And it gives permission when
• 17:35
  people see other women, see, you know, people doing that it gives
• 17:38
  permission to, to have that same experience.
• 17:41
  And I think this ties nicely into Your journey.
• 17:47
  I mean, you identify yourself at your your pronouns are she her
• 17:52
  your open-hearted person? You know?
• 17:54
  Journeying actor truth. Yeah.
• 17:58
  When I met you, you were married.
• 18:00
  Like, I mentioned earlier, you remarried to a man who was
• 18:05
  worked in Coeur d'Alene at a business, where he had a lot of
• 18:07
  contact with a lot of people from all over the world came in.
• 18:10
  Yeah. And There.
• 18:14
  You had a very public issue with him when he was caught
• 18:20
  embezzling from this company and it's in a community where your
• 18:26
  life became a fishbowl and and he went on to go to prison.
• 18:32
  You stayed with him for quite a while through all of that.
• 18:38
  Yeah. And so I thought a lot of you
• 18:41
  about you a lot when we've talked about abdicating yourself
• 18:44
  and living on apologetically and not feeling eek like you have to
• 18:48
  take care of everything and everybody because you are a very
• 18:52
  kind, giving person by your nature and when you put
• 18:56
  Danielle, is like, she's very warm, very soft-hearted.
• 19:02
  Like she just has that way about her.
• 19:05
  I feel like that situation can really like expose those things
• 19:09
  almost to a detriment. Yeah.
• 19:12
  So, Talk to me a little bit about that because that was a
• 19:16
  wild to watch. I mean, we, it was really wild
• 19:19
  to watch and I felt so horrible for you and we were we were like
• 19:26
  second-tier friends. So we were really close friends
• 19:29
  with people who were really close with your husband.
• 19:31
  Yeah. And at the time and I remember,
• 19:35
  you know, it creates some interesting Dynamics because I'm
• 19:38
  like, I'm more worried about Daniel and I am Pam, you know,
• 19:42
  with It was kind of, kind of a weird scenario to be in because
• 19:47
  these friends who were close with him would have been had
• 19:49
  known him for years since they, you know, since he was a small
• 19:52
  child and asked as to Brady to do something on behalf of your
• 19:57
  husband, at the time in Brady's, like, I can't do that.
• 20:00
  I don't have the history with him, that you do, and I can't do
• 20:04
  that in good conscience and I'd love you.
• 20:07
  But my allegiance is to you and we're really concerned about
• 20:13
  Danielle and all of this. So oh my gosh, I've said a lot,
• 20:18
  I kind of opened a can of worms, but I feel like for people to
• 20:21
  really understand your journey. And she, and Daniel gave me
• 20:25
  permission to say, you know, before we got on the, we do
• 20:29
  talked about this talked to me about that and how these things
• 20:32
  we've talked about, so far, have come into play, and I think,
• 20:35
  too, as we move forward into other like, talking about your
• 20:38
  values, at your expectations of yourself versus others, this is
• 20:42
  all good. To play into it.
• 20:44
  Yeah. Okay.
• 20:46
  So I'm going to take a deep breath because I'm okay.
• 20:49
  Do the best I can with sharing this part.
• 20:51
  Yeah. For the best of your viewers or
• 20:55
  yeah. Um, it was a wild ride.
• 21:02
  Okay. So Again, I'm going to say that
• 21:06
  the most important thing that I really learned from the whole
• 21:09
  situation, is listening to sell, listening to that inner still
• 21:13
  voice. Yeah, and I'm about to while I
• 21:17
  was married, I had no reason in my conscious mind to not trust
• 21:25
  my husband at the time. Sure, sure.
• 21:27
  Except I do want to share this story because I will never
• 21:31
  forget this moment. I was driving and there was
• 21:34
  something inside of me and it was like, this pitch inside my
• 21:38
  body and I was like, something's not right.
• 21:42
  And I called my mom, and I was like, Mom.
• 21:45
  I feel like I can't trust him, like, when the hell is going on
• 21:49
  right now. I don't know why I like it.
• 21:51
  Came out of nowhere. Yeah.
• 21:52
  So anyway, like palatable evidence to present you.
• 21:56
  Exactly. There was nothing there that I
• 21:58
  knew of his mm-hmm. So anyways, I my mom really
• 22:02
  encouraged me like listen to yourself.
• 22:05
  Listen to that feeling. So yeah, it to the best of my
• 22:08
  ability. He was we're in the kitchen and
• 22:10
  I was like, hey, I know this Coming out of right field but
• 22:13
  like what is there something you're not telling me?
• 22:16
  Yeah, like no, there's nothing going on.
• 22:18
  I was like, okay, little bit of Shame, you know?
• 22:21
  Sure. There's this, there's this Bible
• 22:24
  verse and it's like whatever happens behind closed.
• 22:27
  Doors will come out. Hmm.
• 22:29
  And so I was like, in one last-ditch effort, I'm like
• 22:34
  walking away from the kitchen and I'm like, okay well remember
• 22:36
  this verse, you know, haha? Right like whatever happens like
• 22:41
  just wanted to let you know. No.
• 22:43
  And then a couple weeks later, I, you know, yeah, the story's
• 22:47
  sort of out there. Yeah, you know, police officer
• 22:50
  came to our door and next thing I know he's going to prison for
• 22:53
  two years. Hmm.
• 22:56
  Yes, it was one of the most difficult times of my life.
• 23:03
  however, I didn't ever stop. I just kept going.
• 23:11
  Hmm, it was like I was in this mode of Go, go, go, survives,
• 23:18
  survives, survives survives. Sure he left and it was like,
• 23:23
  okay, you know, I got to talk to his stuff kids.
• 23:25
  I got his top to the Stepmom. I've got to figure out this.
• 23:28
  I've got to go to work, I've got to go to school.
• 23:30
  I had just I was just about to start my grad program.
• 23:34
  And I was working full-time and it was just like I had to sell
• 23:39
  the house that house sold the day that he went away and it was
• 23:42
  just like chaos ensue, right? Yeah.
• 23:45
  But I had this idea that I had to just do it and I had to just
• 23:49
  go through it, right? Right.
• 23:54
  And it was miserable. Yeah, I don't know how much more
• 23:59
  detail you want me to get into it but like, you know, I went to
• 24:01
  your called. Yeah, I'd like I wake up at 5
• 24:05
  a.m. go visit him three hours away in this like freezing cold
• 24:10
  prison, where I do it was freezing because you can't where
• 24:12
  ya get then I go back in it's a tiny little thing.
• 24:16
  She gets for not having salvation.
• 24:18
  Oh my God. Oh my God is crazy.
• 24:22
  There was And then he went down to Boise and I would fly down
• 24:26
  there when I could, and it was just like this psychotic thing,
• 24:30
  right? Right.
• 24:32
  So now fast forward to like now, right?
• 24:36
  I divorced him and then I got back together with him and, and
• 24:40
  then I left him and then we got back together and it was just
• 24:43
  this crazy chaotic thing, right? I'm just like, yeah, yes, what
• 24:47
  do I do? And oh my God, what is this?
• 24:49
  What is this? What is going on?
• 24:51
  I would see that. Who And in situ, I would think
• 24:54
  some codependency was tied into that, you know, and also this
• 24:58
  idea that I need to be something for somebody else.
• 25:02
  I know. Yeah, their purpose, or I need
• 25:05
  to do this to be okay. I'm supposed to do this or, you
• 25:10
  know, this idea that I'm not complete without this other.
• 25:14
  So, yeah, exactly. Yeah.
• 25:17
  So It's been a couple years now and I would say that I'm like,
• 25:23
  really just now really feeling free from it well.
• 25:27
  And really seeing how much how close down I was?
• 25:32
  How how much stress I was wondering how my body was really
• 25:35
  telling me, but I wasn't listening.
• 25:37
  Yeah. And you know, I think a lot of
• 25:40
  us women people would ever go through these experiences in our
• 25:44
  life and then expect ourselves to just get over it.
• 25:47
  You know, my body. Not just from that experience,
• 25:50
  but like from childhood like there's a lot of stuff there,
• 25:53
  right? Yeah, I know when he's take all
• 25:55
  that on, like I had ulcers, I broke my hips.
• 25:58
  I mean, I went through, I got my appendix out.
• 26:01
  I went through a lot of Health shit that I just, and so,
• 26:06
  anyway, it's been quite the process of really, just also
• 26:09
  letting him out of my life and letting him go.
• 26:12
  Yes. And letting that part of myself
• 26:15
  die, because, yeah, Danielle, That Was Then is Yeah yeah and
• 26:22
  for the betterment of you but you know that that was a season
• 26:25
  and I think I'm glad you shared those different physical things
• 26:29
  because that's all tied into your emotional health and what
• 26:32
  wasn't getting dealt with expended with and it will store
• 26:35
  up and it will show up, guys, it will show up in some way and I'm
• 26:40
  sorry, you know, and you just said, you had that experience.
• 26:44
  Yeah. And I just like kept taking this
• 26:46
  shit on and it's like, hmm. I mean there was a lots of
• 26:49
  stuff. What's going on with my family
• 26:50
  to at that scene and it's just like you get this, some you get
• 26:55
  really this like idea that like I'm too much.
• 26:59
  This is too. Yes, yes.
• 27:03
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 27:04
  We got to like that. We may do.
• 27:06
  Oh my gosh. Yes.
• 27:08
  And especially when you come from family systems or in
• 27:12
  relationships where that's the message that's sent like even if
• 27:17
  they don't verbally say it. The message is they're sending
• 27:20
  you with the responses or lack of response or are telling you
• 27:25
  that. I mean I know exactly what
• 27:27
  you're talking about and we have to release that narrative.
• 27:29
  Yeah, we do because again, when you can let that go Down that
• 27:34
  that I'm too much fuels that, like, victim martyrdom, kind of
• 27:37
  sure which I definitely have had sure.
• 27:41
  It's like, honestly, you do need to take a moment and really feel
• 27:45
  sorry for yourself and just let yourself feel it.
• 27:48
  Yeah. And then give yourself that
• 27:50
  permission to open up to support because I didn't realize how
• 27:55
  shutdown I was to opening up to support sugar know.
• 27:59
  And I was right to survival, right?
• 28:01
  When your system because you're right.
• 28:02
  It was such a A small town like oh my gosh, I was paralyzed.
• 28:07
  Yeah, and understand. Danielle people knew who Daniel
• 28:11
  was a knew she was married to. She like threw the marathons and
• 28:14
  stuff. She was in the paper too.
• 28:15
  I mean she was they were you know, in this space very public,
• 28:19
  it was on the news, it was in the newspapers, it was awful,
• 28:23
  awful, awful for her and you know, I'm just done with the
• 28:29
  show. Yes, such a show and sometimes I
• 28:34
  just look back and I just was filling a hole.
• 28:38
  Hmm. And I was a shell of who I am.
• 28:44
  Yeah. And I'm done with that costume
• 28:50
  of filling a role for others or doing what you think others do.
• 28:54
  Because it's not true. And it's not the truth.
• 28:57
  Yeah. And that that whole like yeah,
• 29:01
  he was very, very young. What's that word like dogs or
• 29:06
  Darius? Yeah, going and friendly.
• 29:09
  He's a guy. You met.
• 29:10
  You liked him immediately and here is very in very inviting.
• 29:16
  Mmm. He's yeah.
• 29:18
  And which is wonderful. And, you know, I have to say
• 29:22
  like about a year ago, I was able to come to a place where So
• 29:27
  grateful for the journey and hold them.
• 29:31
  And I said, I said I just want to say thank you.
• 29:35
  Oh wow. And I'm sorry.
• 29:40
  Mmm. Because I don't believe that you
• 29:45
  can have one thing without the other.
• 29:47
  Like, there's a very, there's dessert this equates to this,
• 29:50
  right? And so yeah, with him and then
• 29:53
  there was me, right? So there was a part of me that I
• 29:56
  wasn't listening to that. I was betraying the whole time,
• 29:58
  right? And I wasn't conscious of.
• 30:01
  So it's not my fault. I didn't do anything right now.
• 30:03
  Lever, that was a mute like because of him me.
• 30:07
  And so I'm taking that responsibility of being like, I
• 30:11
  was Playing the shutting down type so that that could exist or
• 30:16
  however you want to say it. Absolutely.
• 30:18
  To come to a point where I could be like I am so glad for where I
• 30:23
  am in this moment right here, speaking with you.
• 30:25
  And yeah, I had to go through it all over again, then.
• 30:28
  Okay. Yeah, like so grateful.
• 30:33
  Yeah, it taught me so much and I think that, I'm just so
• 30:38
  grateful, you know, well, and just being able to hold that
• 30:41
  nuance and that juxtaposition of that, you know, a both of both
• 30:45
  of those feelings and be able to say both of those things, you
• 30:48
  know. I think that's one that we wish.
• 30:50
  So dualistic, in our thinking, sometimes that we don't allow
• 30:53
  space for that and also having to give yourself the grace and
• 30:57
  the empathy and the forgiveness and the room to, you know, I
• 31:03
  mean I think that's there's a lot to that too so that you
• 31:05
  could process and move. Do all of these things.
• 31:08
  Identify what new boundaries need to be put in practices that
• 31:13
  were healthy for you and not for the other?
• 31:18
  Yes, you did you relocated to a beautiful location.
• 31:22
  She's beautiful location to another beautiful but very
• 31:26
  different location, right? So, yeah.
• 31:30
  And the process here, then, like, so healing and just so
• 31:33
  much, and, you know, I'm in another time of change in there.
• 31:37
  Life again, and I'm just so grateful for the fan to just
• 31:40
  like kind of like what you said just grow and change and evolve
• 31:44
  as like wants to, right, right. Yeah.
• 31:48
  And giving yourself permission for that.
• 31:49
  So one last thing before we move into some other things are going
• 31:52
  to tie in perfectly to this, but I wanted the audience to hear
• 31:56
  because I think there's so women many women out there that feel
• 31:59
  like They can't leave, they can't change or they're going to
• 32:07
  disappoint all these people. Like what if you're, if you are
• 32:11
  disappointing yourself, you've got to be, you got to get to a
• 32:14
  point where you're willing, like, I will disappoint others
• 32:17
  before I listened appoint myself, but that is not a
• 32:19
  natural inclination for women. So, what was that kind of final
• 32:25
  straw? If there was one that was like,
• 32:27
  nope, no more. This is it?
• 32:29
  This I have to do, this is hard. It hurts.
• 32:32
  It's going to be a journey. It's going to suck but I've got
• 32:36
  to do this. Was there a Breaking Point?
• 32:37
  Or was it just an exhaustion of like I can't do this anymore.
• 32:43
  You know, I think to start It's Gonna Keep you get to a point
• 32:46
  where you don't have a choice anymore.
• 32:48
  If you're learning and I actually divorced Tony than got
• 32:53
  remarried to him and then got it annulled.
• 32:56
  And at that time, it felt like life just was like this, you're
• 33:00
  done. Yeah, I'm so I would say that no
• 33:05
  matter in those choices you got to come to terms with the fact
• 33:10
  that no matter what you decide, it's going to Be hard.
• 33:13
  Yeah, if you decide to disappoint someone else or
• 33:15
  yourself is you know if you decide to leave or stay in
• 33:18
  whatever situation that you're in for kid yourself that there's
• 33:21
  an easy out, there is no, please me out.
• 33:24
  And life is full of suffering and the more that you allow
• 33:28
  yourself to just acknowledge that.
• 33:31
  Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, you're gonna get through
• 33:35
  it, be present to that part because you're probably already
• 33:38
  hurting someone like yourself. yeah, and Now I'm at a point
• 33:46
  where I can make that choice and I can see where that tension is
• 33:52
  and then make a choice. Yeah absolutely.
• 33:55
  I loved you spoke to be present because I think when we are
• 33:59
  believing something hard, we just want to get to the other
• 34:03
  side of it and and and if we don't stay present and process
• 34:09
  all that stuff, we're not going to be can't heal.
• 34:13
  Repeat that pattern. Absolutely.
• 34:16
  And also, one thing that I really realized that sometimes
• 34:20
  we think that when we're giving something up that it's just
• 34:23
  going to be gone and never get it.
• 34:26
  My mean, tell you how many times I've surrendered an idea, a
• 34:29
  concept, a thing in my life and it's coming back better.
• 34:34
  Wow. Oh wow.
• 34:36
  Wow, so important and I think, and being willing to because
• 34:40
  there's fear going into it that that won't be the experience.
• 34:43
  So, you know that willingness to surrender and believe that it's
• 34:47
  possible and let fear be your personal trainer, mmm, instead
• 34:53
  of, instead of making it your enemy.
• 34:58
  Sure it's there because it's trying to teach you something.
• 35:01
  So, just listen a little more and just like, you know, again,
• 35:05
  we're just going to say, being present that year.
• 35:08
  Yeah. It was a trying to tell me.
• 35:11
  Yeah. Because also if you're seeing
• 35:13
  it, it's because you're ready to let go of whatever that Fierce
• 35:17
  protecting me from. Mmm.
• 35:20
  Yeah. You don't need that protection
• 35:22
  in the same way. You needed it.
• 35:24
  Yeah. And when I left that past
• 35:26
  relationship, I have fear that was coming up.
• 35:29
  I was ready to graduate from it. Mmm, well ready to step into the
• 35:34
  truth of what really wanted to be in my life.
• 35:37
  Yeah, wow. Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 35:39
  Absolutely so good. Okay, so in that talk to me
• 35:43
  about the importance of setting and coming back to your Y and
• 35:46
  flash your values and everything you do.
• 35:48
  Because I feel like discovering that or figuring that out, how
• 35:51
  to play a role here and just in your life period.
• 35:54
  Yes. Yeah.
• 35:58
  Freedom was A big one for me. I remember in grad school and
• 36:05
  all my professors with like Danielle your I picture you and
• 36:08
  you're like a, you're like a running shoe with all of chains
• 36:12
  attached to it. Wow, what an analogy?
• 36:16
  Right. Yeah, and I was still married at
• 36:19
  the door still like going through that sort of chaotic
• 36:22
  part. Yeah.
• 36:24
  So at that time Freedom was my North Star.
• 36:27
  So I like using the term or Star because yeah.
• 36:31
  Yeah it's like that guiding principle, right?
• 36:34
  So sure in the dark clouds it's like it's like you're setting
• 36:37
  that intention variant internally very self-consciously
• 36:41
  and then like manifesting your life from it.
• 36:44
  And so at that time, you know, freedom freedom was it and
• 36:49
  truth. Truth has always been just this
• 36:53
  internal compass for me. Yeah.
• 36:57
  And such a desire for me to seek truth and Things that I do.
• 37:04
  So yeah, answer the question, absolutely, it does.
• 37:06
  And I think that's how you ended up getting there because she's
• 37:08
  stuck to that, you know, even in the times where you ignored it,
• 37:12
  you kept coming back to it. Life has a way of doing that.
• 37:15
  Is it? It does it forces our hands
• 37:18
  sometimes which it really needs? Which we really talked to me
• 37:25
  about, living out of your own expectations versus others
• 37:28
  because there was a whole heat full of expectations coming at
• 37:32
  whenever you have family, It's that are complicated.
• 37:34
  There's expectations that go with that.
• 37:36
  Then you talk about all the things going on in your
• 37:38
  relationship even if there wasn't, you know, unhealthy
• 37:41
  parts of it, that's just part of life.
• 37:43
  But then you got heaped on with all these complications.
• 37:45
  And then you leaving, you leaving the space moving to a
• 37:49
  different part of the West Coast completely far away.
• 37:54
  So and and where you are today. So talk to me about living out
• 37:57
  of your own expectations versus others.
• 38:00
  Well, my God, I mean, when I was married and going through all
• 38:06
  that my expectations of Life were completely different.
• 38:09
  Hmm, I expected, I'm going to be a wife forever.
• 38:11
  I'm going to be married and live in this home that I own and
• 38:18
  living in this town forever. This is my job and my role,
• 38:22
  right? And that was my expectation.
• 38:24
  Mmm, wow. Life was like, actually, no.
• 38:32
  Yeah, and then I moved to California, two years ago, a
• 38:36
  little over two years ago and slowly I've had to realize that
• 38:40
  I have to drop all those expectations and then fact
• 38:43
  expectations can be a boundary as well.
• 38:46
  Oh yeah, yeah, that's a really good way to put that.
• 38:50
  Absolutely absolutely allowing myself to drop expectations so
• 38:55
  that life can show up way it wants.
• 38:57
  And that's okay, so grief Right? So because I had to grieve what
• 39:04
  I thought was. Yeah.
• 39:07
  Yeah. What you because that's that
• 39:08
  really your truth. Got blown up.
• 39:11
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 39:12
  It wasn't a real. There's you know relative truth
• 39:15
  and there's absolute truth and that yeah not absolute truth and
• 39:19
  there's yeah there's a different like I always really liked to
• 39:23
  tell people like feel into truth, you can feel true.
• 39:26
  Uh-huh. You know when you're hearing
• 39:28
  something true, it's a lie. I've it's just good, right?
• 39:32
  Yeah and so I try to live that now every day and like and just
• 39:37
  like me. So setting my intention sets up
• 39:42
  life. Okay.
• 39:44
  And then I can let go of expectations of what that's
• 39:47
  going to be like and just know that truth is my North Star and
• 39:51
  oh yeah path and be present the step I'm is because I know that
• 39:56
  life God has the next step taken care of As long as I'm in this
• 40:02
  moment with that not set. So okay that's my expectations.
• 40:06
  Now are the intentional and be president.
• 40:10
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 40:11
  You talked a lot about setting an intention each day.
• 40:14
  If can you would you mind? Is that can you share?
• 40:17
  What does that look like? What does that mean?
• 40:19
  Because some people I know what that means but that's kind of
• 40:22
  its kind of new language that we're hearing these days and
• 40:26
  it's very personal. So what does that look like for
• 40:28
  you as you get up each morning? So for me it's like getting it
• 40:32
  out on paper and writing it down, okay?
• 40:35
  Because also that way you're connecting your mind and your
• 40:40
  body I right. Yeah, okay.
• 40:42
  Okay because you're right. It's so nuanced.
• 40:45
  All this mental health and emotional stuff it's not like
• 40:48
  going to work out at the gym. It's just a little different.
• 40:51
  So we're if you anytime that you can connect mind and the body
• 40:54
  with an action, then you're doing that.
• 40:56
  So you know think about what you want in a day.
• 40:59
  Like really, what do you want to feel like so you know get it
• 41:04
  like getting into your heart space.
• 41:06
  So I work a lot more people and myself getting myself out of my
• 41:09
  mind and into my heart. Yeah.
• 41:11
  Or your wisdom is and that's where your body is.
• 41:14
  Yeah. So taking even two deep breaths
• 41:18
  and then really seem like what do I want to feel like today
• 41:21
  we're going to feel like in my life.
• 41:24
  So one helpful way to do that is like As you take a couple deep
• 41:30
  breaths. Think about the time that you
• 41:34
  first kissed, a person, you love numbers time.
• 41:38
  You saw your first born child. Hmm.
• 41:41
  The last time you saw the most beautiful signs that you could
• 41:45
  ever think of hmm and then just breathe into that space.
• 41:49
  That you okay yeah just let that feeling grow and then from
• 41:53
  there, let yourself Think of what you want and get creative
• 42:00
  tree. Yeah, but it's okay to dream.
• 42:04
  Yeah, I thank you for that last. I mean thank you for all of that
• 42:07
  that was super, you know, I think that was a great Insight
• 42:10
  but also of that dream piece because we get so locked into,
• 42:15
  you know, doing the job and having the house and you know,
• 42:19
  all these things and we lose sight of the fact that there,
• 42:21
  maybe there's more. Yeah, maybe there's more and
• 42:25
  that's okay. Enters.
• 42:26
  That's a good thing. That's not a selfish thing.
• 42:29
  That's not an unhealthy thing. That's actually very healthy
• 42:31
  because if you dream you continue to allow yourself to
• 42:34
  live into who you're supposed to be.
• 42:36
  Yes. And you know I get on these
• 42:39
  calls with people in at work and everybody wants a homework
• 42:43
  assignment. Everyone wants it to do list and
• 42:46
  yeah, I'm gonna throw this away. We have enough of.
• 42:48
  Yes, and your soul in your heart is not a to-do list.
• 42:53
  Is it doing here it? It's just about coming back and
• 42:57
  being with what is thank you. That was really good.
• 43:02
  Thank you so much because we do, I was a slave to do list.
• 43:05
  And when I started my therapy journey, I was a like, I'm gonna
• 43:08
  come do this for six months, a year, I'm going to have some
• 43:11
  great tools, I'm going to get on the other side of it and get on
• 43:14
  with the rest of my life. I am three years into it and
• 43:19
  it's that's not how it goes, which goes nicely into this.
• 43:22
  Next talking point of accepting the layered aspects of Cells
• 43:26
  because I keep in covering layers.
• 43:28
  And so as I keep uncovering layers and keep learning more
• 43:31
  about myself, both what needs to be healed.
• 43:33
  And what I didn't know about myself was there like you would
• 43:36
  have told me three years ago. I'd be doing a podcast my.
• 43:39
  So let's just not on my radar and came out of a dream wall
• 43:44
  that Grady and I did on his birthday.
• 43:47
  Oh, and so any would but I'm packing those layers, the good
• 43:51
  in the bad. I mean, all accepting all that
• 43:54
  stuff into this in us and of us. And you've dressed that really
• 43:57
  well and how you've been able to do that.
• 44:02
  I think. But talk to me a little bit more
• 44:03
  about that. Specifically the layers.
• 44:05
  Nice. Yeah.
• 44:06
  You know what comes up for me with this is I've had this dream
• 44:12
  since I was a little girl. Like I would write my diary and
• 44:16
  I would just play with my Barbies and have this image of
• 44:18
  me, like, falling in love. Being swept off my feet by man,
• 44:21
  right. And just like, just like this
• 44:24
  epic love story. And I'm getting to the leaders
• 44:28
  part of promise, but like, yeah, no, no goes this.
• 44:31
  Yeah, and it was this, this just deep-seated desire that I've
• 44:36
  always had right, and through my divorce and marriage and endorse
• 44:40
  the same person. Yeah, I've slowly realized that
• 44:44
  that dream was actually that desire was a yearning to become
• 44:51
  my own soul mate to learn who I am.
• 44:54
  And to bring that back into, To myself and find the one within.
• 44:59
  Oh, I love that so good. Oh man, thank you.
• 45:02
  And it's been and so and I wanted to be swept off my feet
• 45:06
  by that. And so the point layers is none.
• 45:09
  Yes, layers because I don't want to be bored.
• 45:12
  I don't want to be stagnant. I want surprise, I want to be.
• 45:14
  I want passion, I want life. I want love, I want joy and that
• 45:20
  is just more layers, we peel off the more we find the more Beauty
• 45:24
  and so just that That just that constant finding of myself.
• 45:30
  Yes, this is the wait, when did you realize that at what point
• 45:38
  did that become truth to you? Probably about a year ago, I had
• 45:45
  this this deep like meditation and I wrote this poem about
• 45:50
  Prince Charming and I was like oh that's right here.
• 45:55
  Mmm. And then it just continues to
• 45:58
  become more of a deeper truth. The more that I continue to
• 46:02
  unveil more layers. Yeah, yeah.
• 46:05
  Well and going into that that way you're just such a healthier
• 46:11
  version of in, whatever religion.
• 46:13
  Relationship you show up in absolute and you're not looking
• 46:17
  for that thing because you've already found it in you.
• 46:21
  So, totally good point. Like, what I really love about,
• 46:26
  like, Relationships and purple things is seeing what it is
• 46:32
  about somebody and using it as a reflection of what is the
• 46:35
  problem and what is it in them? That gives me something.
• 46:38
  Like I have a lot of clients for like, oh, when I'm around this,
• 46:41
  my partner, I feel so much more grounded and so much more this
• 46:44
  or that. And I'm like, oh cool, what is
• 46:47
  it about them? And usually that, so that when
• 46:50
  you're by yourself you can just Get that resource from within
• 46:54
  yourself as well. Yeah, Times by it exact em body.
• 46:59
  Exactly. And that's right.
• 47:01
  You're being comes in right, like, Bruce Lee, yes.
• 47:06
  I know my work. And I know there's and together,
• 47:09
  we are even better. Oh man.
• 47:12
  Yeah, that was beautiful. Thank you so much for that.
• 47:15
  Alright, so, in living out feel finding empowerment embracing
• 47:19
  layers, which we've been talking about.
• 47:22
  Out. How does that affect your
• 47:23
  relationship with yourself and then in turn your relationship
• 47:26
  with others? Well.
• 47:32
  I think it just allows me to live more present being like
• 47:35
  what actually is not with what my mind is wanting to make of
• 47:39
  it? Mmm, I can live a clearer life.
• 47:43
  Sure. And far more abundant and
• 47:45
  prosperous and Freer like I'm so much more free.
• 47:49
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 47:50
  I've got like, yes I just quit my salary job and I'm on my own
• 47:56
  now and I'm about to move again. And then I don't know where I'm
• 48:00
  going. So it's just allowing life to
• 48:02
  show. Up, as it wants.
• 48:03
  Wow. And then, for others, I think
• 48:06
  that doing this, there's less Danielle in the way of me
• 48:10
  showing up for others. So, again, my soy projection of
• 48:14
  what I think they should be. Yeah, drop.
• 48:16
  So that now, hopefully, the point is, they can be in that
• 48:21
  space and see their truth more clearly reflected back at them.
• 48:25
  Oh yeah, that's really good. And if you have two people
• 48:29
  coming together are able to do that.
• 48:31
  Man, that is one. Where the definition of healthy
• 48:34
  relationship. Let me begin and knowing and
• 48:37
  talking about that and knowing that it's possible because I
• 48:40
  think we get this idea of it's just not possible, and not if
• 48:44
  there's a different between it being possible in perfect, it's
• 48:47
  never going to be perfect, but but it is possible.
• 48:51
  So, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I have all right.
• 48:55
  Yeah. You have your, your life.
• 48:58
  It's a gamble to this point. I've really it's okay.
• 49:02
  Okay. Rapidfire we're down to the end
• 49:06
  name. High five activities that
• 49:08
  nourish you meditating running walking with my greatest friend
• 49:18
  being with family and my dogs, awesome.
• 49:21
  All right in five words on how you want to feel the next six
• 49:24
  months, expansive Free. Safe.
• 49:33
  Mmm. Abundant and Unconditional love
• 49:42
  period. Okay.
• 49:44
  All right I love that. I love that and you embody that
• 49:47
  I really do. I mean you really do you have
• 49:50
  that way about you? Daniel thank you so much.
• 49:53
  You gave me so many wow moments today in this conversation of
• 49:57
  your journey. I'm so excited audience for you
• 50:01
  to be able to dig into this and listen to this and take notes
• 50:05
  and look at the resources and know that you have this.
• 50:08
  Ability and you two on your journey, whatever that looks
• 50:12
  like. So thank you so much again for
• 50:14
  your time today. Like I said, feel friends, you
• 50:17
  are going to want to look at our resources page to see what
• 50:21
  Daniel has to share. You're going to want to take a
• 50:23
  look at the show notes and just and check out the blog, all
• 50:29
  these things, and they're all going to be available on our
• 50:31
  website in our socials, but thanks again for being with me
• 50:35
  today, audience. If you have any questions, any
• 50:38
  Mints any thoughts you can DMS at embracing layers on Instagram
• 50:42
  or you can email us embracing layers at gmail.com.
• 50:46
  If you have any thoughts or questions about anything you've
• 50:48
  heard today, but thanks for being with us today and have a
• 50:52
  great week.