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How I stopped caring what people think (stop people-pleasing!) · Powerful Stuff

• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: You guys, I want to talk to you about something that I spent my entire 20s grappling with, and actually it dated way back to those childhood years.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: And shifting it actually gave me so much more permission, so much more freedom, and so much more expansiveness than I ever knew possible.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what this thing was that was holding me back?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Dare I say we all deal with it.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: It is how to stop caring if people like you.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: How to stop caring if people like you.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll give you a hint.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, the therapy, the peak experiences, all of these reflections helped.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what the key missing ingredient was?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Being able to laugh with myself.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Being able to laugh with that little Meredith who deeply wanted to impress everybody except for herself.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: What is the irony in that?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: It is so ironic.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's like that song.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't it ironic?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, all of that's to say, that is what we're gonna be diving into today.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Why we care about how people, what people think about us, and how it affects us, how it affects every area of our lives, our hopes, our dreams, and everything in between, and what we can do to stop it.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: So we end up valuing the opinion of the person who matters most, and that is yourself.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you value your own opinion of yourself, you are gonna show up in the most authentic, magnetic way.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: As a byproduct of that, people are gonna start liking you because you are authentic and you are a beacon and you are showing them what it's like to live authentically, and that helps give them the permission that they didn't know they needed, and that is powerful stuff.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: So is this.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, wow, I haven't even had a first sip yet.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: I got so carried away.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, it has been a heat wave in LA, but it is the fall.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: I need my fall mocktail, and this is the Hio Limited Edition organic apple cinnamon social tonic.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I am in my cozy turtleneck singing Taylor Swift's All Too Well, the 10 Minute Version with each sip of this like apple cinnamon ball blend, even though it is very hot outside.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: So all of that's to say, let's dive in.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: How to stop caring if people like you?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: We are all guilty of this.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Gosh, I remember switching from a private school in elementary school to a public school in middle school, going from a class of five to a class of like 300.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I really so badly wanted people to like me in middle school.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was like teachers' pet, and so that made like, of course, kids pick on me, but I wanted to impress my teachers, and then I like really wanted to impress you know the the popular girls there, and so I did things like really focus on cheerleading.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought if I could cheer, then I would be popular.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: News flash guys, even after I made the cheerleading team, I was not popular, and the thing that set me free in that journey was actually realizing wait, I don't even really enjoy this, and there's still a hierarchy within the cheer team.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go do things that I actually enjoy.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then that led me to writing for the Houston Chronicle, which I did enjoy, which then led me to reporting for the Houston CBS and getting that thrill of like seeing myself on camera, acting on my feet, becoming a teen reporter, and it's that entrepreneurial endeavor of like releasing the need for the social hierarchy of who likes me that ended up getting me into Harvard and changing the trajectory of my life in many ways.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: So that was like my first glimmer of it, though I didn't have the self-development tools to name it at the time, and of course, it was this little pesky pattern that kept coming back.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And we often seek other people's need for approval because it is such a safety blanket, so to speak, of putting ourselves out there and like making ourselves proud, because that's usually the road less traveled, and that's usually more uncertain.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And if you guys recall in the episode of Black Mirror, it was the very first episode that you know they have this social ranking system, and every interaction you rank up or down, it's almost like likes on Instagram.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: But imagine that for like every single interaction, like how you say hello to the barista when you get coffee, or you know, um an interaction you have with a new group of friends.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: So this girl was like really trying hard to climb the social echelon ranks, and it like made her crazy.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: And the more she tried, the lower her ranks dropped, until finally she was like in this jail cell with this other guy because her social ranking was so low, and it was like once the social ranking hit zero, they both kind of had this like aha moment where they're like, Wait, who the fuck cares?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, our social ranking's so low, we're never gonna recover from this, we might as well fucking enjoy it.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that was like the most crazy freedom that they've ever had.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just being like, fuck it, like we've already made it to this like rock bottom, there's nowhere to go from here but up.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I think about that all the time when I think about how we try to always please other people.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a few truths here that I just want to speak to.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Number one is like other people oftentimes don't even know what they want.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: So, how can we know what they want?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: It would be a constant like battle of like trying to intuit what they want when they don't even know what they want.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: So that's exhausting, and it's probably not gonna help us, anyways.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And also, the harder we try to get them to like us for whatever it might be, right?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: At our job or like our family's approval or in a new friend group, like the more they're gonna sense that that's not our true authentic self, and the more it's gonna push them away.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or even if let's say like you are an Oscar-nominated actress or actor for how you you know get other people to like you, but it's not who you are, it's still not your authentic self, and you're still fracturing parts of yourself and your self-trust, and you're never actually gonna meet your potential that way.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And chances are when you're on your deathbed, when you're 95 or 110, who knows, and you're gonna look back and be like, that wasn't fully me.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: I like really regret not feeling in my joy, not feeling like the depths of like my most authentic self.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: So, all of that's to say why we do it.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I can speak for myself and a lot of clients that have coached that deal with this.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Why we do it is because again, we think that having other people's approval will somehow keep us safe.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: It'll somehow make us believe that we are enough and it will somehow make us feel like we belong.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: So if we have these core wounds of not feeling like we belong, of not feeling um enough, then we're gonna always seek other people's validation to help reinforce this belief of um or to help us feel like we are enough.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: But the biggest irony, if we look at the feedback loop of this, if we believe we're not enough, and let's say like the trigger is like someone doesn't invite us to a party, right?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: And we believe that we're not enough, and then we like try harder to get that person to like us, even if we don't really like them, but we really want to be invited to that party, that's gonna push the other person away more, and then that's gonna ostracize us further, and that's gonna further reinforce that we are not enough.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: So even if our intellectual self is like, well, I do want to be enough, and that's why I want to go to this party or be friends with this person, they can invite me to more parties.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, by trying to get them to like us, we actually prove the thing that we say we want to avoid, which is not feeling enough.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason we keep perpetuating it is because this consistency of this like rejection or not fully being able to be seen helps us feel safe on a subconscious level.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And not only that, but when it helps us feel safe on a subconscious level, we're gonna keep perpetuating situations that keep us stuck there, number one, and number two, guys, brain fart.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, we are gonna like keep um doing things that that make us feel like we we don't belong, and we're gonna keep getting further and further away from seeking our own approval, and we're gonna keep sending the message to our inner child like this person's opinion matters more than you.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now imagine if you actually have a child, and some of you might already actually have children.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: I have a little 10-month-old nugget in nap time right now, as I record this.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, imagine if he was like crying or whatever, and I was like, Oh, but my friend really wants me to do this, so sorry, like you're gonna keep crying, I'm gonna do this with my friend, right?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: That would be sending the message to him, like I'm prioritizing my friend over his needs, right?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like as a parent, no, you would address the cry of your child.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's similar for our inner child, if we're like always doing what someone else we think that they'll like, we're sending the message to our inner child, like, sorry, your needs aren't important enough.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually prioritize what I think this person wants or likes.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't actually even know over what you need.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: So that shows our inner child, like they are not important, they are not enough, and we are the ultimate culprit.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: We are the ultimate culprit.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so all this is to say, as I talked about in a few other episodes, uh, especially my shadow episode, which is in the last episode, um, after high school, you know, I I found this in different ways manifesting itself in college.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, where I wanted to be liked in, you know, they have the different kind of like sorority or frat type things at Harvard called finals clubs.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're punching for them, you want to be like liked so you can get further, so you can get in a finals club so you can feel like you belong.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I went through that whole process.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then I remember too this instance where I was playing songs in college.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: I would write music, and I wrote a song that these guys in this one final club thought was about this guy I had a situationship with, and they made their like punch or their rush, whatever that equivalent is of like what they have to do to be initiated, to like memorize one of my songs and sing it to him for like the new initiates.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I found out about this, and at first I was like so upset and angry, and I felt just like you know, talk about the ultimate not belonging, like feeling like um exposed or like made fun of by this group of guys who throw parties all the time in college.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was horrible.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: But then I decided, like, you know, not if you can't beat them join them, but like kind of like Taylor Swift's like shake it off, like I'm gonna take back the narrative to this.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I passed one of them in the street one day, and instead of being like, fuck you for doing that, um, he was like walking, and I was like, By the way, I just wanted to say thank you.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, or because he said hi to me, because we're acquaintances, one of the guys in this club, and he's like, Thank you for what?
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, for boosting my YouTube views with my song.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I heard you guys used it for your initiation.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, thanks for the extra views and extra traction on my channel.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Really appreciate you guys.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I kind of just like laughed and walked off, and he was like, you know, and it's like, gosh, like their mean joke lost its power when I decided to take back the narrative.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that was like one of the first times where I used self-amusement as a tool to alchemize this like cruel thing that had happened where I could have used it as a data point to prove that I in fact am not enough, but instead I said, I'm gonna take back the narrative, I'm gonna laugh with myself, and it made me feel so empowered on the other side of that, like I can't even tell you, and so I've come back to that remembering when I think about other times where I haven't felt included in the past, and so I see this all the time with my clients.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: They're afraid to maybe take a career shift because what will their families think, or they're afraid to put their creative stuff out on the internet for the first time, and I always tell them this example that I went through when I also like again, even though I've done like had done at this point like the therapy, the Hoffman process, like different plant medicine journeys, which are amazing for cultivating that first step of awareness, but I was still an awareness hell in my late 20s of like I did care a lot about what other people thought of me, and I did have a sensitive spot because after graduating, like a lot of friends went on to be Forbes 30 under 30 or go into consulting or tech jobs, and I was kind of figuring out my life still, and like so grateful for that time in my life where I taught yoga and I played guitar around Europe, and I founded and then finally I founded a beverage company.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea what I was doing, but in the four years of founding the beverage company, I raised money, I built an advisory board, I like kind of it was like my business school on the fly.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then I realized or something was reactivated in me of like, oh, now I have a founder identity, maybe like those lost years of my 20s make sense.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe like now, you know, I feel like more like I fit in with my Harvard peers, which is like such a you know raw thing to admit that that was like a thought process that I had.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so I realized though, after founding my beverage company, after those four years, that it like, gosh, it really just wasn't the right fit anymore.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: I started it because I wanted to build a brand and a community, and all of the operations that go into running a beverage company just wasn't my path of highest joy.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I felt so scared to let it go because I was afraid of disappointing my advisors and my investors who had already invested huge amounts of time or money into the project, and I was afraid of what my Harvard friends would think because I finally felt like okay, I have this founder identity now, which was a little bit more back on the like you know, path that a lot of like peers had taken after school, and so I finally realized like okay, I'm only fooling myself with this, and actually the longer I held on to it, like the more sick I would get.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I remember before I was afraid of letting the beverage company go, my throat constricted, it got like so uh closed up and tight, and I got so sick, and it was like the final straw of like I really need to like shut the beverage company down.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I had this like melodramatic moment.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I was listening to Rufus de Soul at the Red Rocks in Colorado by myself, like crying to the song Treat You Better, and then I kind of like laughed at myself afterward or left with myself of like wow, this is so dramatic.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Being like, I need to treat myself better, I need to treat like my advisors and investors better and be honest, and like that coupled with like the permission that an advisor helped me get to, who I'm so grateful to, I finally called all of my investors and my whole team that week and shut the beverage company down.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: So that was part one, but where the humor really comes into it is then I decided to go full-time into coaching because in the process of doing the beverage company, I had done a lot of executive coaching, and again, I had gone to these places like the Hoffman Process, all these coaching tools that I'm super grateful for, and I had started kind of like informally helping other founders or entrepreneurs as well.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I decided to go full-time into coaching, but then that sneaky voice of like, what will my Harvard friends think snuck back into my mind.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what will they think?
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: She's a failed startup founder, right?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Who is she to coach?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I kind of like laughed at this voice in my head that kept saying that, whereas before it would feel so real and I would take that as fact.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, kind of recalling that idea of the self-amusement back.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna fucking own this story.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, what did I do when I launched my coaching practice?
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: I made the opening line of one of my first posts to launch my coaching practice.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Who is she to coach?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: She's a failed startup founder, I thought to myself as I da da da da da.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I completely owned the narrative of what I thought my friends who would judge me would think.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Lo and behold, when I did that, when I owned that shame, who reached out to me to be my first coaching clients?
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the very same Harvard acquaintances that I were was afraid would judge me.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason why they reached out to me for coaching was like, wow, Meredith, I just want to feel as like free in my own life, in my own narrative, and my own risk taking that you do.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I really admire that about you and I want to bring that into my own life.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that is why I say, which is a whole other episode actually, your shame is your superpower, and own your story, or your story will own you.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: But also, again, the self-amusement not only gave me permission to go for it in the coaching world, but it also ended up attracting me my perfect clients because I owned the elephant in the room, and people liked that and they thought it was refreshing and funny.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so we've kind of gone over to recap why we care what people think.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: It helps reinforce this feel false feeling of safety or control, right?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: It makes us feel like that would help us be enough, but actually it keeps us in the not enough, I don't belong narrative.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason for this is the more we try to prove that um, you know, or get them to like us, the more we are veering further and further away from our authentic self, which shows more and more and more not enoughness.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: So to break that first, we need to notice that we're doing it, we need to notice what that voice is telling us and what that voice needs, what that scared inner child needs to feel safe to move with us to the next step.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: So usually that kind of comes with like writing out all of the things that you know that voice is afraid of if other people don't like them, and you can keep saying, and then what will happen?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then what will happen if they make fun of you, and then what will happen if they unfollow you on Instagram, right?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like get every nook and cranny out and don't judge them for it, just like write it out, and then excuse me, the next step is like what will make them feel safe.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's say all these people oh judge you, they unfollow you, or like people at work like snicker behind your back because they saw your content that you're putting out, or whatever it might be.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, how could you make yourself feel safe?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: How would you let that part of you know I'm not going anywhere, I'm not abandoning you?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's fucking amazing.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Again, going back to like if you had your own kid and your kid was like, I sang at the first grade talent show, but my friends made fun of me.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Would you say, Oh, well then you better stop singing, yikes?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, you really want to make sure that you get a good seat with them in second grade, so yeah, stop singing.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, you would be like, Well, I am so proud of you for singing, and you put yourself out there, and that is really courageous.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the more and more you do that, like the more and more confident you will feel.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: The people making fun of you aren't often the ones doing the thing.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I am fucking proud of you, and everyone has to be a beginner somewhere, right?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you would say to your child.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, what is stopping you from saying that to yourself, right?
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: So then once you give yourself that same permission that you would give to a child or that same reassurance, then it's like, how can we have a little fun with this, right?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: We can talk ourselves into a tailspin again.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: All of these like self-development tools like therapy, coaching, are amazing, but nothing changes unless we like take a fresh new approach, like a scientist.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, how could I own this story?
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: What would be actually kind of funny about it?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how could I reclaim the narrative?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, is it making a post about how you were afraid of what people would think, kind of like I did with the coaching?
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or or a case in like the Harvard where where those guys did actually make fun of me?
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how could you flip the narrative on what actually just happened?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: And also, if like some people aren't your people, how can you trust that like your people are out there somewhere?
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you've been looking in the wrong places, or maybe you have been, you know, focused on the wrong thing.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: I like to say when I was surfing in Venice, I had this old board in breakwater in Venice Beach that I would catch some waves on occasionally, but I never felt like a great surfer.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I went to Todos Santos in Mexico, I got a different board and it was different waves, and I was like riding the waves in all the way to shore and like swerving on them, like stuff that I never did in Venice, and then I realized, gosh, it's not that I was like overall a bad surfer, it's just like I needed a different board and a different set of waves.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like changing your environment too, like be around other people who are open, who are down to see your authentic self, who will celebrate it too.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't need to convince everyone around you, and maybe sometimes you need like a new setting or a new group of people to start to feel a little bit more free, a little bit more cheeky.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like who helps you feel like most yourself when you finish a hangout with someone, or when you finish a meeting with a certain colleague where you're like, gosh, I just feel so inspired.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I was laughing, I feel like I was in my flow state conversationally.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Hang out more with those people and hang out less with the people where you feel like you have to prove to them, or you need to keep maintaining the relationship so you keep maintaining the invites, right?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's like ask yourself who makes me feel good, who brings out my best self, and those are the people you want.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: To reinvest in, in addition to reinvesting in yourself.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so then when you actually start to be like, wow, I'm a fucking good time.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: Something tells me that you are going to be even more precious with your energy.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because maybe right now your boundaries are very porous with people you want to impress, and then your energy leaks outside of yourself, which then drains your life force.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: So when you call that energy back to yourself by choosing to impress me, myself, and I first and foremost, and then the other people who help amplify that, you're going to have less and less time for the people who don't make you feel like your most authentic self.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then they might realize that and they might shift their behavior, or that just might be par for a course where you lovingly kind of release those relationships or move them to a different outer circle of your life where their perceptions, their judgments no longer pull at you, but you actually feel like more anchored in the truth of who you are.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: How, isn't that ironic?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: How when we actually start loving ourselves and doing what lights us up, we actually end up attracting our tribe and we actually becoming, we actually become the magnet.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the other great thing about this too, and I've heard people all the time on Instagram talk about like, you know, I had to be cringe, or you have to be cringe to like get to where you want to go.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it's this idea of like, you know, posting the content that you're like, oh, what will other people think of this or whatever?
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason that creators often say that of like, embrace the cringe, embrace the cringe, is because it shows that you are being authentic, you're being real.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the age of the perfect influencer is over.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think we want realness, right?
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: We can get a perfect influencer with AI, but no one can replicate you in your little idiosyncrasies, you cheeky self-you, and that's gonna be what's refreshing.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so, actually, the more we can embrace those sides of ourselves, the more magnetic we will become.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so the kind of self-amusement angle of this is like, what are some of the things you do that you think are like kind of cringe or quirky?
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: And like, how can you celebrate those?
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: How can you amplify those?
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: And how can you also have a little bit of humor toward that part of you that is afraid other people will judge you and be like, okay, well, what if they did?
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: What if they did?
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: What would happen, you know?
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: And how would you and I recover?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, what if they did, and that was the best thing that ever happened to you, right?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, we have so many examples of this of like how Lady Gaga was like bullied, I think it was in high school or college, by these girls who said she would never be famous, and like look at her now, waha ha, you know, Taylor Swift in high school.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: And imagine if they never used that as like fuel for driving them to create their most like authentic self, authentic brand, whatever it might be.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we wouldn't have so many powerful records, and it's it's just this cool inflection point of like the more us we are, actually, the more impact that we can have, and that is powerful stuff.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's go ahead and take a breather, take the load off, get comfy in your meditation.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: While take one more sip of my limited edition fall high-o.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: Just take a deep breath in.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: Exhale it out.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: One more, and we'll breathe in.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: Exhale, do horse lips.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then one more breath in.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then exhale, hiss it out.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then as you breathe in and out, just starting to notice in your body where you feel this weight of judgment, of fear, what other people will think.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Notice where you feel it and how you feel it.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: Is it a tightening, a constriction?
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Where is it in your body?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: And just asking that part of your body to speak, telling you all the fears, the judgments it has.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: What will happen if these other people judge you and really let it c catastrophize for a second?
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then letting it know that that makes sense.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: You hear it?
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: You don't agree with it, but you hear it.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then asking this part of you why do they believe that these people's approval will keep them safe?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: Trusting whatever they say.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: And once you learn that reason, now zooming out to when you're 90, you've kept this need for others' approval.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: Always doing the thing that you think or perceive will make others happy, whether it's your colleagues or your family members or your friends, your audience.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Just feeling that weight or that heaviness in that part of your body compound, amplify.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: That elder you who has kept holding other people's opinions before your own.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: What do they regret the most?
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then feeling the weight of that truth, of that regret, letting them know you hear them.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then taking all of that regret, grabbing it with your hands, like you're pulling, pulling out heaviness, or like extracting a tumor from your body, like taking it out, throwing it to the earth, taking out with both hands, throwing it to the earth, and then maybe even just like shaking it out, shaking it all out of your body, all of that judgment, all of that weight that you've carried, like needing to have other people's approval and just take a deep breath in.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: Stick your tongue out, letting it all melt into the earth.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: And as you feel it melt into the earth, feeling the purity, feeling the space of just you and yourself, no one else's judgment but you, and just looking yourself in the eye and saying, like, I'm sorry.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry for putting other people's needs ahead of yours.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: Today marks the first day of the rest of our life where I put your opinion over everyone else's.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: I want to know what you want.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: And let us do that together.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: Telling yourself you're sorry for all the times you put other people's opinions over yours.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: And renewing your vow to them.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: How are you gonna show up for them differently?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: So even if other people don't like what they're putting down, you're not gonna abandon them, that you will be there every step of the way.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then when that version of you really receives this, lets it land, hugging each other heart to heart.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: And as you hug each other heart to heart, light swirls up from your heart up to the sky and down to the bottom of the earth.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: Creating this beacon of authentic magnetic light.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: And as you create this beacon to the heavens and to the earth, starting to feel this levity, this lightness take over.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: You're no longer trapped in awareness hell.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're no longer chained by what you think other people need.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you start to get a glimpse in your mind's eye of the you who abuse that judgment, that need for likability with a little bit of humor, a little bit of levity.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, bless.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: That was an old part of me, no longer present.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: Who needed that approval?
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now I call that energy back to me, and you start to see in your mind's eye this future in which you just delight in your own curiosity.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: You delight in your own sense of creativity, you delight in your own authenticity.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: How will I wake up and spend my morning?
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: What crazy, off-the-wall, creative thing could I release?
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: How could I really show up and say my authentic truth at work with loving boundaries, but also with a little bit of play where I am both respected and people feel this ease around me?
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: Starting to get a feel for that.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe even getting a glimpse of how this levity, this humor, but also this power, this leadership manifests.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: And as you notice it, asking this version of you for the perfect next step to be guided by what you want, what you care about.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: And as you get that next step in your mind's eye, also asking them for a mantra to anchor you whenever you forget that your opinion is what matters most.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: What is a mantra to reconnect you to your truth?
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: Trusting whatever that is, as you take a deep breath in, exhale, feeling the mantra wash down you from your crown to your toes.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: Another deep breath in.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: Open mouth exhale, sigh it out.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you're ready, slowly starting to open your eyes, coming back into this space.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_00: You look even more radiant now that you are living in your authenticity.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that after this episode, you go, you do the steps that we talked about, and you do the one thing where you're like, I was afraid people would judge me, but now I'm gonna post that clip or share that poem or uh make this uh initiative at work or whatever it might be.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to tell me about it because I am excited for you to stop caring what people think and start listening to you, yourself.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like me, myself, and I, you, yourself, and you.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: All of that's to say, wow, what a powerful journey we went on today.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: I am so excited for you and keep me posted on what new self-development topics you want to hear.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: I will always share with you things that I've been going through, what I've been seeing with my coaching clients, and I will see you next week for more powerful stuff.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: And if you like this episode, you found it helpful, please subscribe, share it with a friend who needs to hear this, and I look forward to seeing you all very soon.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hey you, thank you for coming on this powerful journey with me.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it was as powerful for you as it was for me.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: And if it was, it would mean the world to me if you rate, review, and subscribe to powerful stuff so I can keep bringing you the goods.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: We can keep going on this transformative journey together.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_00: And if there's powerful stuff that you want to share with me, with the powerful stuff community, tag us on Instagram at that powerful stuff or the emeritus maker.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I look forward to seeing you next week for more powerful.