Latest / Long Haul Marriage Roadcast / Do Not Disturb! "I'm on my phone" (Translated - This TiKTok is More Important Than You)

Transcript

Do Not Disturb! "I'm on my phone" (Translated - This TiKTok is More Important Than You) · Long Haul Marriage Roadcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, oh you were telling me. You weren't telling me
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: do not disturb.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: You were turning my phone off, although it usually stays
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: do not disturb.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: That's gonna be that. I know every time I text
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: you do not disturb. I'm want to bother anyway. Yeah,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: go ahead, all right, So the first three words on
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: our podcast today.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Do not disturb.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Is that what this one's going to be about.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Speaking of do not disturb? Are you using my lips up?
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: I've been. My lips are so dry, my hands are
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: so dry.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: In the feet, my feet. I noticed your feet.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: Back at the bottom of Ellison.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Sand sandpaper when I was rubbing them when I was
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: giving you your nightly foot row.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: He does not. But also, I wait where she is.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: That's a clue. You said he does not. So you're
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: talking to them. You're not talking to me right now?
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: You do not?
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: No, you do not, remember you're talking to me.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: I'm talking to you.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: No, Let's talk to them. Let's do some Hey, hayes,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: are you are you ready for some? Hey?
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Can I yeah?
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: You too? Early one?
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: One?
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Hey? Hey, Hey, hey to Carrissa Davis my friend.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Wow, yes, Carissa detail cutesy, extraordinary everything. Man, she is
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: so sweet. And those glasses last night.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: I loved him. I'm going to ask her where she
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: got them.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: I'm I think Warby Parker, That's what I'm think.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: I think Amazon.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Amazon. Okay, they were very stylish then, but like.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: Not real, so I would have to definitely get the reader.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Version her bast boys last night, you're boys running that event,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: our love and Lattes event at justin Coffee Trading.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: No, justin Coffee co.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: No, it's not justin coffee co It's not. Okay, hang on, everybody.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, just let's call it justin Coffee.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Hang on, I'm gonna look it up justin because she
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: told us it was not coffee CoA coffee.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: It's just justin coffee, is all she says.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Justin Coffee and Trading company. It that justin Coffee and
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Trading Long I saw the hat. Okay, so justin Coffee
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: and Coffee.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: So cute cute shop in justin Texas. If y'all haven't
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: been and you live close or close ish, it's worth
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: the drive. It's a cute cute shop, yummy coffee, cute
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: little places to sit. The outdoor place is phenomenal, and
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: the shop experience is just darling. They have really really cute,
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: cute stuff.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: So you know what I'd love to do.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Heather Beth Carissa whoever is the buyer for our event?
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Last night, I was I was walking around facetiming Carson,
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: showing them the little lawn out there where they've got
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: you know, the seats, the corner hole, and they've got
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: the airstream trailer. And then they've got the fireplaces you
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: talked about up on the patio with the I mean
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: the roaring fire was going. But in case they don't
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: have the fireplace going, they've got the heat lamps. What
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: a cool, cool place and cool. He could do a
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: little podcast from there. Oh, set up what we do
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: a podcast from the remote location. I've got that. That
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: is so and we do the Q and A from
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: people sitting on the on the patio.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: That would be fun.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it. Okay, So hey, hey and coffee coat
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: and our event last night and lattes. I think I
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: want to download from that. But before that, I'm going
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: to just so I can get this laptop out of
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: my lap. A shout out to several countries. Sout to Dubai. Yep,
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: United States, United Arab Emeritus, United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, Camean
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Islands in Norway. So United Arab, let's see Dubai. Yes,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: and we have two listeners from Dubai. So welcome our Dubaians.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: I wonder if that's what you said.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: I don't know if that's what you say. What if
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: we did? What if we did a no, a marriage
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: conference in retreat in Dubai. What if we did that'd
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: be pretty cool. Yeah, it looks like a beautiful city.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: It does. It looks like I've seen a post that
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: can't you can't like throw a swing a dead cat
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: without hitting a laborghini or wow. Okay, nice cars. Sorry
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I am distracted. Okay, so I'll get rid of this.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: But hey, hey to all our countries listen to our podcast.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: We appreciate you guys tuning in.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah we do.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: And yeah, i'd be looking forward to the marriage conference
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: in Dubai. Well, let's manifest that.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: Let's do it and manifest being in having a listener
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: listeners in all fifty states okay of the US. How
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: cool would that be?
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: I'm setting this timer because okay, we have.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: To because you're long winded.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. Okay, so let's talk about love and LTEs.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Last night. What a again cool, cool venue, but what
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: a great event that was. So we had these couples
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: in this very intimate space last week the library. The
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: library very good, and we talked about a lot of stuff.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: And we don't want to let the cat out of
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: the bag because we want you to come to our
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: next one. Yeah, the next one's going to be in March,
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: and it's going to be called Lucky in Love.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: March twenty second, from five to seven pm.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: March twenty second, five to seven pm. I'll put that
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: in the notes of this episode. One of my highlights
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: last night was You're going to be so the charcouterie,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: that the flat bread. I mean, those were highlights. But
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: my highlight was when we were talking about and I
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: think we may have said it on the last episode.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: We were talking about how we learned at our EXO
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: marriage conference that your brain releases the same amount of
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: oxytocin when you hug for twenty seconds as it does
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: when you have an orgasm. So I should have worn
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: the kids. So if you have kids in the room,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: hello kids, my kids. So we said, so it was
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: about the oxytocin release in your brain. And so we
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: said we're going to stand up and we're going to
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: have this bonding time of a twenty second hug. And
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: after we did it, the guy in the back raised
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: his hand and he goes, I want to mention his name,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: and he said, hey, it didn't work. It didn't work,
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: and I said, yeah, yeah. There were so many things
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: that we said, but you got to show up live
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: to have the fun experience.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: Yes, man, yeah, so fun. You know what, It was
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: a great group. They were all just there like relaxed
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: and ready to just have fun. That's what I love
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: the most. It's not stuffy, you know. One of the
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: guys came in and he was like, I don't know
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: what I'm about to show up for. And his wife said,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: she's nervous. He's nervous, Like, he's like, what'd you sign
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: us up for? And is this marriage counseling? And she's like, no,
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: it's not marriage counseling. And she looked at me. It's
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: not marriage counseling, is it?
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: I said no, so, and then when I did our
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: little intro, they were like, yeah, it kind of is marriage.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: So I do think that people were pleasantly surprised, Like
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: I don't know if they knew exactly what to expect.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: But it was a fun, chill night, like a fun
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: date night. Nothing was too awkward. Maybe the twenty second
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: hug was awkward, but hey, we're nothing if not awkward.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: But you know, they could they.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: The fun aest part of the night.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they could get a bottle of wine. Justin was
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: offering like ten percent off a bottle of wine. So
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: people got their you know, their their wine or their
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: water or their you know, flat rowe said they're lattes.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: I did get a very yummy latte from Chrissa.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: And just the size of the room, the number of
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: couples that we had, And I think too, I think
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: people like, am I going to have to, you know,
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: introduce myself or we're gonna have to introduce ourselves. That
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: that whole fear of public speaking or just having to
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: go around the room, And we didn't do any of that.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: It was just it was just the right amount of fun.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: As far as the intro thing in the eye breaker,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: no one was put on the spot. They did not
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: have to speak. You weren't outing your spouse in any way.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: It was just yes, man, it was a great time.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So I will say for the March one and
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: for anyones that we do in the future, it is
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: you know, an intimate setting and so tickets are way
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: way way you know limited.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that's that's sold out in.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, super quickly. But we'll we'll have more coming up.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: But I would say if you registration opens up uh tomorrow,
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: on Monday, the day that this podcast will come out.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: So registration opens up soon. So be watching. Go to
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: Justin Coffee co when you can find your you can
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: get your tickets there. Yeah, but it'll be it'll sell
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: out quick. So and you know, think of a couple
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: you want to bring with you, invite you know, a
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: few friends or whatever. It'll be a great, great time.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: One of the couples last night said they want to
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: come back in March and they are going to invite
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: their kids. And I don't mean kids like baby kids.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: I mean they're like grown adults that are married anyway,
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: you don't have to be married. We had a couple
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: there last night that was I don't even know if
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: they're engaged.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: But interesting, I didn't know that. Yeah, I was talking
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: to them all like they were married. You shouldn't have
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: done the twenty second hugg did.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we should have. Oh it's fine, Okay, yeah, it's fine.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: I told mister it didn't work, that he was doing
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: it wrong. So one of the questions that the lady
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: asked during one of our.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Q and A times, just in the middle of it,
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: In the middle, but she was talking about the phone
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: and the distraction that the phone can be in this context,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: she was just saying, man, what do I do? How
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: do I approach it? When I think we were talking
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: about the open, honest communication and how being listened to
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: for women is such a huge, huge deal. We all
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: want to be listened to, We want to be heard,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: We want to know that our house is paying attention
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: to us. And how easy it is to be distracted
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: with the damn phone. And so when the phone, can
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I say damn on the podcast?
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: Well you did, so there we go.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: It's fine if God were to damn anything.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Just to come on you the cell phone, me too,
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: just keep going.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: So she said, how do you say it in a
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: nice way when you feel like your husband is not
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: listening to you, he's distracted, he's looking on his phone,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: and so so you know, how do you do that?
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: So I shared last night that sometimes when you would be,
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: you know, doing something on your phone, I would just
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: start telling some kind of story and think he is
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: not even hearing me one single bit, and so I
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: would like, just go on with my story, not really.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: In my face when I've checked out.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: Uh huh. And so then I would say did you
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: even hear what I asked? Or I would ask you
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: a question and you would be like, wait what huh.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: So then I started thinking, you know what, I'm not
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: going to just keep on telling the story or asking
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: a question when I don't feel like I have your
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: full attention, because I feel like what I'm saying is
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: worth it and I want you to you know, I
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: don't want to just waste my breath. And so what
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: I would do is start a story or ask a
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: question or whatever, and if I could tell you weren't engaged,
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: I would just kind of stop and say I'll wait
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: until I can tell you're doing something. I'll wait till
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: you're done or whatever, and not to sound like mother
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: son or teacher student at all. So that well, like
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: I if I remember with you know, like whenever I
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: talk first and second grade, it would be like, you know,
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: the teacher clap or one, two, three, eyes on me.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: You know, I'll wait, Yeah, I'll wait till you're ready.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: I'll wait. So I didn't want to come across like that,
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: So I was kind of afraid. Did it sound like
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: that to you or was that an okay thing? Because
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: that's kind of what I've done, is if I start
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: talking and I can tell you're engaged in something on
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: your phone, then I'll usually just stop.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: I think she and she had asked the question in
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: the context of after going over that our mega need
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: for men is to feel honored and respected, and is
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: it disrespectful when you kind of she said, I don't
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: want to feel like I'm nagging at him to put
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: down his phone and listen, but you should be able
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: to garner our attention without a shout right. And again,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: it's hard. We get to the point where we are distracted,
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: and we never mean to feel We don't want to
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: make you feel like we don't care, or you're not significant,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: or you're not funny, or we don't want to listen
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: to your story, but we're in the middle of the game,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: or we're in the middle of some video or watching
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: and it's just sometimes it's really really hard. But what's
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: the message that it sends to you? When I mean,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: is that something's more important than you? Yeah?
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and it it could if we're not careful.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: And it's it's this generation. It is the phone, it
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: is the TV. It is the multiple choices of distractions,
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: Like there is a plethora, just a buffet in front
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: of us of something that's going to take our eyes,
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: our attention, our thoughts to something else above what's right
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: in front of us, the most important thing. So you know,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: it's it's it's hard because I think it's a battle
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: that every unless you don't have a TV in your house,
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: or unless you don't have a cell phone, or you
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: have really good boundaries on yourself.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: So everybody got a TV, everybody got a cellphone, right,
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: But yeah, you have to set the boundaries. We've talked
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: about being intentional about everything else. You got to you
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: gotta set it down, you got to turn it off.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: You know, we've talked about how the threat for a
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: toddler when the the iPhone is not just in the
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: mom's hand but in the room with the parent, right
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: in the room. It's like while she or he mom
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: or dad could go pick that thing up, and then
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: it's it's over. They're not gonna watch me. They're not
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: gonna pay attention to me. How I answered her last
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: night was not in the heat of the moment, if
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: you will, like we''s trying to talk to him. I mean, yeah,
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: you can say hey, can you put the phone down?
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Or but it's later on. What made an impact on
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: me is you basically pulling me aside, just at another
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: time and saying, man, Brian, I don't feel like you
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: listen to me. I feel like you're just distracted all
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: the time. I feel like you pay attention to everyone
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: else or everything else. And so and here's how it
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: makes me feel. That made an impact on me. I mean,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: I hated hearing that. It wasn't being scolded in the moment,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: you know. And there are times where you know, I
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: hold up the fingers like oh wait, wait, wait, just
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: let me let me finish this, and then okay, sweetheart,
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: and then I do I put the phone down. But
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: we've kind of gotten into that, we've finally evolved to
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: that because it finally stuck and I was just talking
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: to the guys last night. Man, if your heart is
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: I want to make my spouse feel treasured and cherished
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: and like that, I'm important. You do have to put
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: the phone down. You can't act interrupted or perturbed or disturbed. Right,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: we do not disturb. It's a great episode title. You
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: have to act like you know, I wow, I'm married
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: to this woman. I want to know what she has
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: to say. I know what she's thinking about right now,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: and it's more important. And look, we're not bad people,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: We're human. And the phone is addictive. It is very addicting. Man,
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: the adrenaline rush, the dopamine hit for all this stuff.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: And you know, I'm excited to learn about ancient civilizations, right,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: the ancient technology that was using these civilizations and things
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: that we're uncovering. I could go binge that stuff and
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: get into that. And I mean, name your thing right
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: that we're all into. But it's like, are you going
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: to devote your life to that? Are you going to
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: devote all of your time and attention to that? And
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: then when you're your lifelong you know, a spouse that
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: you say you're going to forsake all others. That doesn't
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: just mean people. When you make that vow are you
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: going to forsake this, this interest, this hobby when they
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: need attention. And it's not like the king saying come
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: come forward, okay, speak like like we have the power
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: as men or husbands to tell you when to speak
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: or vice versa. You know, it can be this spouse saying, oh,
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you when I want to pay attention to you.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: It's showing them they have the floor when they want it.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: H yeah, that they they matter above anything else. But
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: I get it when you know, if you're working, you know,
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: I think we as you know, women, or could be
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: vice versa too, we need to be cognizant of you know, okay,
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: they're in the middle of something, you know, and so
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: you know when when is a good time, you know
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: to talk, because probably anytime during the day. Like I
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: do love my quiet time. I love to be quiet
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: and not talk at all and not listen at all.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: But then once I kind of get cranked up, I
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: could think of lots of things I want to throw out,
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: you know, thing to oh, I meant to tell you
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: about this that happened the other day, or you know whatever,
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: and so you know, I think it is it's the
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: most important, just to show her she's the most important.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: You value her above whatever it is you're watching or
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: listening to. You know.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let's go back to talking about boundaries. You said that,
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: so setting boundaries, you know, the no phone zone, when
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: are sometimes I mean, we have to do this. You
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: have to be intentional about times without phone, without Netflix.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: You know, it's I was saying last night, we don't
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: there's no excuse anymore for us to be literally holding
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: up our banger. Wait wait, wait, wait, let me finish this.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Because you've got a pause button, you've got to rewind.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: You can stream anything at any time, right, So think
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: about that. How many times like this show is going
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: to be more important than whatever you have to say? Right?
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Every once in a while, it's going to happen, right,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: And I get it, you're in mid thought or you're
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: focused on something and you don't want to be distracted.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: How have we handled that? I want to go back
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: to that cause I think we have. You mentioned it,
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: but I think we've got a good system. And then
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about the boundaries. When is a
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: good time to set boundaries for no phones?
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: So I feel like dinner, you know, when we're around
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: the table. That's a really important time. And then you know,
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: when you and I like have our times or we're
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: just it's like an intentional time that we've set, you know,
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: whether it's just hey, let's go outside for ten minutes
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: and watch the sunset, or let's have our you know,
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: we have our weekly vision meeting or whatever. I think
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: times like that that where we've really intentionally set something aside,
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: phones down, yeah, you know, we're not great about this,
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: but like phones before bedtime. You know, I think I
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: don't even know all the research, but I know there's
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: a ton on what it does, the lighting and all
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: the quick pictures and the everything that it does. What's
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: what you fall what you fall asleep with?
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, and how many just fragmented, disjointed, incoherent you know,
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: images and stories and storylines and narratives. I mean, it's
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: just there's no there's there's nothing peaceful about that.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: We joke. Everyone jokes about their spouse sitting you know,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: five feet away from one another and like sending each
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: other videos or texting one another in their same the
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: same room. I mean, we giggle about that. But just
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: think how often that happens and then just think about
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: what that's doing. You're sitting there with your phone in
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: your hand, you're staring at it, You're in your little world.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: Your spouse is over there with their phone in their hand,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: in their little world, and there is no interaction going on.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: And if it's the I mean, you and I will
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: just here look at this, you know, we'll show each
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: other the video. And but many times again we've gotten
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: to where I'd literally see these videos you know of people,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: uh And I had a couple talking about this. They
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: have their air and their AirPods in, you know, and
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: they have to send the other one the video because
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: they don't want to interrupt their flow of their scrolling.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: And I just think, again, it's sad. It's not the judgment.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: If we're not like trying to come down or condemn
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: people for this, we it's again, we're human. It is
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: an epidemic, and we're falling into the trap. Social media
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: is not good. The phone is a huge distraction. The
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: other thing is it's a very convenient way to reach
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: out right. You can DM someone, you can like something,
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: you can comment. And so we've seen a lot of
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: couples getting in trouble because they're liking something or following
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: someone or commenting on something on some post, and the
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: spouse immediate red alert's like wait, wait, wait, wait, why
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: are you paying attention to them? And again, if you've
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: got your phone in your hand all night, you are
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: paying more attention to anything and everything other than your spouse. Yeah,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: it's such.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: A problem, you know, it's it's complicated. And yeah, because
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: the phone is like it never stops. It's not like
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: you know when growing up, like even like not the phone,
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: but the TV. You know, there was a certain time
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: where it would just like play the national anthem or
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: whatever and go to a you know, you would hear
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: just like white noise or whatever. And if you're if
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: you're too young to remember that, you're too young, but
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: if you're our age, you probably remember that. Well, now
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: it's you have full access to watch anything you want
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: anytime of the day or night. And then same thing
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: with your phone, like it's not gonna set boundaries for you.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: You know, social media doesn't stop at nine o'clock. I
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: mean you could scroll all night long. You could start
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: your morning every single day.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: They're losing sleep people more, and you know, more people
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: are they're saying they're insomniacs, whether or not they're just
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: getting on their phone.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so what I've noticed, Maybe we could just kind
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: of chat about this. But whenever I just begin to
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: screw and just numb out, and I'm not saying like
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: I do a lot of work from my phone, I
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: see some really cool things. You know, it's not not
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: all bad, but there has to be a time and
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: a place for it, you know. But when it begins
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: to be kind of like a medication or just a
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: boredom or you're just numbing out and you kind of
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: stop scrolling and it's been thirty minutes or whatever an hour,
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: you I feel like there's like no creativity in me,
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: no like motivation to It's like we've lost the kind
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: of the art of like boredom or wonder or like
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: what if you didn't fill every single space, you know,
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: every single quiet space with some kind of video, some
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: kind of hilarious thing, some kind of like there's there's
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: just not really many times where you just sit and
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: are still without something, you know, keeping your attention.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: It'd be an interesting exercise if you just pulled up
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: pull open you know, reels or TikTok or whatever and
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: started because the algorithms figured it out right, and it's
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: sending you the stuff that you've been interested in or
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: you've been watching or whatever. And unless you're doing a
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: deep dive on something or kind of a rabbit hole,
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: it'd be interesting even if you were just to write
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: down just number one, number two, number three, what you're watching,
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: and just take a log of it, just do the
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: top ten. It's like, what did I just watch? What
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: did I just let consume the last thirty minutes, the
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: last hour. So, I mean, we could talk about screen time,
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: limiting screen time, having no phones at the dinner table,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: no phones in the bedroom. We could say all that,
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: but let's go back to I mean, you know, people
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: talking about the science behind how it's rewiring our brains
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: and we're all becoming we're just malfunctioning as people because
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: we're on you know, social media, and it is an addiction, right,
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's no question about that. It's just how
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: addicted are you? But check yourself. We could say, turn
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: it off, try to do a fast you know, people
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: talk about this, but let's go back to how it
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: makes us feel when I see you over there in
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: the corner and you're on the phone, let's say for
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: an hour, and we haven't spoken, So what I You know,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: I could be thinking, well, what's she interested in? Who
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: is she interested in? You know? Why is she not
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: interested in me? Right? All the messages that it's sending
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: to our spouse and then if we're I mean good night,
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: we can't even turn it off when we're driving, right,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: So how addicted do you have to be when you're
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: driving a car and you can't turn your phone off?
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: So we can't turn it off, and many times it
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: is impeding upon any kind of intimacy right in a relationship.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: So I think that's the thing. It's the what message
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: is this sending to my spouse? And to the girl's
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: question last night, like how do I tell my husband? Really,
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: the question was it's not you know, turn off your
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: damn phone? It's how can I tell them this hurts
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: my feelings?
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: How can I tell them? This makes me feel unimportant?
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: How can I tell them this makes me feel unloved?
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: How can I tell them this makes me feel like
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: you're prioritizing everything above me? Are you tired of me?
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Are you? Are you sick of me? And my old hat?
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Am I just now, you know, are you are you
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: looking for some new shiny penny, you know, do you
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: need something else to feel your brain right now? So
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: those are those are the questions we need to ask
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: ourselves just to take a minute and sit. When you're
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: sitting on your couch and you got your phone in
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: your hand at the end of the night, and your
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: spouse is sitting in the same room and you haven't
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: spoken with them, how could you better show this person
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: that they're important to you? What could you do in
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: that moment? And so it would start with putting down
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: the phone and maybe looking engaging them, look in the eye,
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: go touch them, sit by them, say hey, let's go outside,
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: you know when it's not eighteen degrees. Those are all
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: things we just have to be very very conscious of
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: that out. Yeah, but I love the way that you.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, for me, it was I don't feel like
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: you're listening to me, and I just remember the tears
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: that came. It's like, I feel like you're you're so
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: easily interrupted. You know, when whether it's a show, the remote,
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: a kid walks up and starts talking, you know, everything
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: takes precedent over me. When I'm talking and I think,
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: you know, i'd literally that hurt. That hurt my heart, Like, man,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: I love her and I wanted to know she's important.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Are you showing her that? Yeah, because I think I'm multitasking.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: I think you know, I was listening, but I wasn't,
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: And and the the the message it was sending to
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: you when I wasn't looking you in the eye and
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: having the phone down was man, I've lost him. Yeah.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like too. Everything on the phone is
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: so fast. I mean we know this that everything is
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: just segmented and it's just quick, quick, quick, you know,
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: change of frame. And I think that's it's messing with
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: our attention spans, you know. So even when we you know,
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: do have a minute in the kitchen, does stop and
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: catch up, You almost feel like, yeah, when your brain
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: it has been recalibrated to quick, quick, quick. You got
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: to make this fast, you know, because everything else is
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: moving quickly. No, no, no, the point in life is to
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: slow down, you know, slow down and stop and like
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: enjoy your coffee together, or linger over a nice meal,
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: or you know, go sit outside and watch the sunset.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: You know, it's I think the things that really bring
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: us fulfillment and meaning and purpose in life are the
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: slower things. But everything that we're drawn to on you know,
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: whether it be commercials, which you're not drawn to commercials,
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: you know you hate commercials, but commercials or fast set
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: it's on, you know, whatever movie you're watching, or videos
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: going quickly, that's where your your brain is being calibrated
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: to that instead of life is about taking things at
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: a slower pace. We weren't built to just go ninety
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: to nothing twenty four to seven. So we're burning out,
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: we're burning up, we're you know, you kind of look
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: up and you're like, wait, who am I And what
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: was I doing? What even matters to me? Because I
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: was just watching a baboon and a tiger in the
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: tree and what's going to happen with them on the
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: other side of the world.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: Or you know, well, our brains weren't meant to take
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: in all that information all at once. We just we weren't.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: And just think about growing up in a community, how
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: this affects the dating scene. Right, growing up in a
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: community where you knew people, and the number of people
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: you knew that was your dating pool, right, and now
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: we're hearing that these kids are there you know, they're
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: keeping their options open because there's this whole world of
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: possibilities out there in Foamo. You know, it's like wait, wait,
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: there could be somebody better. And so they just they
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: go out on a date and then they go somebody.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: But because I'm waiting for the next one, I just
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: keep swiping right, because in their mind there's this global pool,
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: this global population to choose from. So they're waiting to
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: get married way, way, way later, you know, if they
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: get married at all. Right, yeah, and so it's even
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: affecting that. So, uh, that's scary, you know. For for
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: relationship health, I would challenge us all to set the
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: screen time, set the limit, and I know you can
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: override it, but start to start to decrease your screen time.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: For relationship health, you can't. People come in and say,
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: you know, my marriage is falling apart or my relationship
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: is really struggling. Can you please help us? But we're
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: not gonna We're not going to change our habits on
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: our phone. It's like, no, that's not going to work.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: It's like, hey, doc, can you help me, I'm falling
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: apart physically, but but don't tell me to cut out
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: my junk food. Consumption because I can't. It's like, yeah,
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: you can, and you need to for your health, and
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: so we all have to again, not a judgment, not
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: a condemnation. Hey, pay attention to how much attention you're
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: giving your spouse and it's going to make such a difference.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And speaking of do not disturb, Yeah, I do
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: feel like that is one. Really it's a I think
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: a good thing that you can do on your phone
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: if you are a little bit you know, distracted and
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: add or whatever, you know, squirrel all the time, if
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: you put on that do not disturb, it really is
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: helpful because you if you're working on something, it's you
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: don't get all the dings and bells and you know, craziness.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: So let's all try to do a little do not.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Disturb, do not disturb. And speaking of do not disturb,
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I think we're gonna have to call it for this one, Okay, Yeah,
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: so let's all do it. Let's decrease our screen time
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: and let's show some attention to our number one.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, I love that. That sounds good. Er
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: als