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The Discipline Myth With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, it's Curly here and welcome to you this
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: week's Mojo Monday. So, discipline is a word that we
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  Speaker 1: use for people who are consistent and committed to doing
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  Speaker 1: the hard work, so whether that's exercise or nutrition, work
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  Speaker 1: daily tasks. And willpower is that word that we use
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  Speaker 1: for people who seem to be able to resist the
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  Speaker 1: pull of those short term temptations. And what I hear
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  Speaker 1: a lot is that people can become in awe of
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  Speaker 1: those with discipline because they're really sure that they actually
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: don't have it themselves. We talk about discipline and willpower
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  Speaker 1: like their things. It's like there's this bottle of the
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  Speaker 1: stuff somewhere, and once we get our hands on it,
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  Speaker 1: then we'll be able to eat better, or get back
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  Speaker 1: into exercise, or work hard or keep a tidy house.
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  Speaker 1: But what the Reich actually says is there is no bottle.
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  Speaker 1: There's no secret reserve of discipline sitting inside the people
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  Speaker 1: that we admire. We've taken a couple of describing words
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  Speaker 1: and turn them into like a magic potion, and then
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  Speaker 1: decided that we can't change until we have some of it.
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  Speaker 1: And what happens is that myth tends to send us
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  Speaker 1: down two roads. So the first road is that we
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  Speaker 1: don't do a thing. We don't do anything, but what
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  Speaker 1: we do is we talk about it endlessly. So we
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  Speaker 1: read books about it, we build our knowledge, we listen
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  Speaker 1: to podcasts, and we become genuinely educated and well informed
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  Speaker 1: about the exact thing that we're still not doing. And
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  Speaker 1: it's like it's like constantly being in the library, like
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  Speaker 1: year after year and never actually stepping out into the
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  Speaker 1: world about the stuff that you're reading and doing it.
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  Speaker 1: And then the second road is that we simply stop.
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  Speaker 1: We decide that where the problem that we're missing, the
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  Speaker 1: potion everyone else seems to have. The thing still matters
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  Speaker 1: to us. We can admit that, but we've decided that
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  Speaker 1: there's some deficit in us that stops us from taking action,
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  Speaker 1: And often there's something else underneath. We're so fixed on
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  Speaker 1: the end result, the result that feels so far away,
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  Speaker 1: that not starting becomes the easier option. So let me
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  Speaker 1: offer you a different way of looking at this. Two
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  Speaker 1: different words discipline for doing the hard thing, will power
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  Speaker 1: for resisting the easy one, but the same myth underneath
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  Speaker 1: both of them. And it turns out there's the same
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  Speaker 1: way out. The people who keep showing up for what matters.
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  Speaker 1: Aren't necessarily running on more fuel. What they're doing genuinely
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  Speaker 1: matters to them, and that changes the whole experience of
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  Speaker 1: doing it. The people that we call disciplined I don't
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  Speaker 1: necessarily feel like doing the thing. That's the bit that
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  Speaker 1: I think we get wrong. We kind of assume that
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  Speaker 1: they wake up and jump out of bed and they
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  Speaker 1: want to do it, and that's not always the case.
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  Speaker 1: They feel the same reluctance that you feel. They get tired,
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  Speaker 1: and if it's the gym, we're walking into a room
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  Speaker 1: full of people, they can easily feel the same self consciousness.
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  Speaker 1: The difference is they don't wait for the feeling to
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  Speaker 1: change before they take action. They take it with them.
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  Speaker 1: They take their feelings with them. They bring the doubt,
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  Speaker 1: the tiredness, the self consciousness, the narrative of oh God,
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  Speaker 1: rather not do this, And they do it anyway because
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  Speaker 1: the action lines up with something they really care about,
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  Speaker 1: and that is something greater than how they're feeling. So
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  Speaker 1: they bring all those thoughts and feelings along for the ride.
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  Speaker 1: And this is at the core of ACT, which is
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  Speaker 1: acceptance commitment therapy. You don't have to battle your emotions
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  Speaker 1: and your feelings. First, you don't have to feel ready,
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  Speaker 1: you don't have the perfect internal narrative. You just have
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  Speaker 1: to be willing to coexist with whatever shows up and
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  Speaker 1: do the thing that matters while it's there. And this
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  Speaker 1: is a skill, so feeling the discomfort and acting anyway.
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  Speaker 1: It has a name, and it's called psychological flexibility, and
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  Speaker 1: it is at the core, at the heart of act.
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  Speaker 1: Some of us find it easier than others. Of course,
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  Speaker 1: a lot of that is simply you know, maybe where
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  Speaker 1: you started your temperaments and how much sitting with discomfort
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  Speaker 1: was modeled for you when you were growing up. You know,
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  Speaker 1: if you saw plenty of it, you may have a
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  Speaker 1: head start. If you didn't, you may have to dig
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  Speaker 1: a good deal deeper to do the very same thing.
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  Speaker 1: But the good news is that psychological flexibility is a skill.
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  Speaker 1: It's not a potion that you were born with. But
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  Speaker 1: you can train for it. So it's trained the same
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  Speaker 1: way anything is, by doing the uncomfortable thing and doing
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  Speaker 1: it again and again and again. So if this is
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  Speaker 1: harder for you, it simply means that you're starting with
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  Speaker 1: fewer reps and reps that you can put in. Now,
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  Speaker 1: if you are somebody who is really outcome focused, like
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  Speaker 1: you have a goal. Okay, so this matters most if
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  Speaker 1: you're really chasing that goal and chasing results. When the
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  Speaker 1: whole point is the outcome, whether it's the numbers on
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  Speaker 1: the scale or the way you look, or some finish
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  Speaker 1: line that you're trying to race to, then every day
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  Speaker 1: you haven't reached, it feels like you're failing, and that's
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  Speaker 1: when it's easy to quit. But this is where there's
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  Speaker 1: this pivot moment. If the thing that matters is the doing,
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  Speaker 1: then being somebody who moves their body, who gets up early,
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  Speaker 1: who keeps the promise to themselves, then you can't fall behind.
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  Speaker 1: You've showed up. That's the wind today. Whatever the mirror
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  Speaker 1: reflects back to you. We want to park that out.
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  Speaker 1: We want the goal to be there, but we want
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  Speaker 1: to park it. We can put it on a shelf somewhere,
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  Speaker 1: and then what the winds are what you do every
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  Speaker 1: single day. And of course starting is uncomfortable. Continuing is
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  Speaker 1: uncomfortable too for a while, and that's simply what the
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  Speaker 1: early part of anything feels like. Discipline isn't the thing
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  Speaker 1: you find before you act. You earn it Afterwards, you
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  Speaker 1: act on what matters again while feeling all sorts of
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  Speaker 1: things that you'd rather not feel, And one day, who knows,
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  Speaker 1: You're going to glance back and go, Okay, maybe I
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  Speaker 1: actually am a fairly disciplined person. The feeling of being
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  Speaker 1: disciplined does turn up, just not at the start. So
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  Speaker 1: if you've been waiting to feel ready, waiting for the
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  Speaker 1: willpower to arrive first, you can stop waiting because it
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  Speaker 1: never comes first. Your mind will give you every excuse
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  Speaker 1: under the sun not to start. You can take those
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  Speaker 1: thoughts with you and start anyway. So choose the thing
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  Speaker 1: that matters, Take your reluctant, doubting, self conscious, tie itself
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  Speaker 1: along for the ride, and do it anyway. That's the
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  Speaker 1: whole secret. Have a great week everyone, I'll catch you
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  Speaker 1: next week. See