Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / EGO 🤯 with Tijana Bundalo

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EGO 🤯 with Tijana Bundalo · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apoday production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: up together.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, and find the
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: lessons to grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table
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  Speaker 1: with Grow and Glow and we're here to be your expander.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Hell. And you're saying, Wacky Wednesday.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: Oh, wacky Wednesday. Wednesday, we always go a bit wacky
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: on the Wednesday episode.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Wacky Wednesday.
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  Speaker 3: Everyone gets comfortable, so like the Monday, everyone's like a
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: little bit more eye and then Wednesday things just get
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: a little bit wacky.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Sometimes wonderful Wednesday. Wonderful Wednesday. So if you missed Monday's episode,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: we had a beautiful guest, Uncle Tiana, one of my
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: good girlfriends, and we spoke all that insecurities. So if
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: you haven't listened to that, definitely go back to listen
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  Speaker 1: to that one. But today we're talking about ego. I
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: don't know about you, guys. When I think about ego,
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  Speaker 1: I really do think negatively towards it and.
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  Speaker 3: Has a bad rap.
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  Speaker 4: It does have a bad it really does.
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  Speaker 1: So let's rewind it right back for people listening and
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: they're like, ego, I don't really know much about that.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: How would you describe ego?
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  Speaker 4: I actually want to do like a little bit of
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  Speaker 4: an exercise fus, Yeah, because I want for both of
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: you and everyone who's listening to kind of get a
• 1:43
  Speaker 4: little bit of a grasp of like how they can
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: identify what their ego actually got.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: The love is scared.
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  Speaker 4: Let's say you were getting ready to go on a
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: first date. Right, You're at the date and you're in
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: the stage where that person is then asking you all
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: these questions about yourself, and you've got like your best
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: foot forward. Yeah, I want you to think about what
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: are some of the things, let's say, like top two
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: things that you would actively be comfortable to lead with.
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  Speaker 4: Let's say, for an example, the fact that he wants
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: to know a little bit about your mindset. Are you optimistic?
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: Are you driven? Are you disciplined? What's the first thing
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: that actually comes to mind. Kind Yeah, I feel that.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like I'm kind and I'm funny and silly.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Caring and goofy car similar. Yeah yeah, good listener. But
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: then also which the shame straight away around it? I
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: would have wanted to talk about my success.
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah beautiful, No, this is beautiful. We'll dive into the shade.
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: I feel like we should go there later. But okay,
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: that's the first thing that you lead with. Yeah, that's beautiful.
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: I want you to now think about the type of
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: things that you would leave for like six months down
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: the track, so that the parts of you thinks about
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: yourself that you'd be like, oh yeah, like not going
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: to tell this person that, Like I'm probably going to
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: wait like eight weeks until we're on a fourth date
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: for me to show this person this part of me
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: think about, like what feeling that vokesphere? Yeah, a bit particular.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I can definitely be a bit like wanting things
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: done a specific way. I think and need my space. Yeah, yeah,
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: in my space, I feel like sometimes I do like
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: just shut down, like leave me alone, like give me.
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: Face yep, ashy, probably a bit snappy. Sometimes it's beautiful
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: and if.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: I'm triggered or not heard, I can bring out a weapon,
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: not a physical weapons. Thing is gonna be like she's
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: got a gun? No, just like I would criticize. Yeah,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: with Steve, That's what I'll do sometimes if I don't
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: feel heard or I feel like I haven't had enough attention,
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  Speaker 1: sometimes I'll just make a little like remark that's not
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: the kindest or the dagger he calls it. He's like, hmm,
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  Speaker 1: that feels like a dugger like it definitely.
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  Speaker 4: Was, Yes, that would be me throwing it.
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  Speaker 1: That would be, yeah, the fault that I wouldn't want
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  Speaker 1: to talk about straight away.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, So the purpose that I wanted to bring with
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  Speaker 4: this is okay, in the beginning, what was the feeling
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  Speaker 4: that was associated with the thing that you're proud to
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  Speaker 4: show somebody? What's the feeling like out like really proud, proud?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's like I'm like proud I am.
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  Speaker 4: It's a good energy, right, You're like, I'm so happy
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  Speaker 4: to show you this. And then what about the things
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  Speaker 4: that you would wait eight weeks to show? How do
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  Speaker 4: you feel.
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  Speaker 1: It was so perfect? Yeah?
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  Speaker 4: Make you clench your buttole you Why would anyone want
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  Speaker 4: to be with me if I'm going to yeah, you
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  Speaker 4: see that feeling, that's your ego?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, right, okay, now what with.
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: The bedroom, let's dive into it. Right. So part of
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: the reason why I wanted to take you through that
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  Speaker 4: is because just to feel that the physical response of
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: what our body does when the ego is present, because
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: ego essentially is like a self protective mechanism.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Right.
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  Speaker 4: It does have a bad rap, but I'll get into
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: that in a second. And it's formed in the imprint stage.
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: The imprint stage is one where zero to seven and
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: we're like a sponge. So you know, when we're growing
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  Speaker 4: up learning you know, values, we're learning behaviors, we're learning beliefs, beliefs,
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  Speaker 4: you know, ways of being and like essentially we're being
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  Speaker 4: taught how to be you know, contributing members of society basically, right,
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  Speaker 4: And so what happens is in that imprint stage we
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: go through this like observation phase, and what we do
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  Speaker 4: is we learn to compartmentalize. And so what we do
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  Speaker 4: is we go, Okay, this is good, this is bad.
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  Speaker 4: And when we compartmentalize, we go, Okay, with the good things,
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  Speaker 4: I receive praise, but with the bad things, I'm receiving punishment.
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  Speaker 4: And so what the ego essentially does is every time
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: that you experience something where you are then punished, ego
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: then puts up like this veil almost across your heart, right.
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  Speaker 4: And It's like, when I behaved this way, even though
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: it was a part of me, I got punished for it,
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: I got ridiculed for it, I got shamed for it.
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  Speaker 4: And so it puts this protective layer over that behavior
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  Speaker 4: and goes, Okay, I'm going to park that behavior and
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  Speaker 4: I'm not going to do that anymore. And so because
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: of that, this is where like the nice girl and
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: the nice boy was born right, right, It's where they
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: come from, right. And so the ego is essentially, yes,
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: it has a bad rap, and yet we'll talk about
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: that in a sec but it's actually a self serving
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  Speaker 4: mechanism that we use to protect ourselves from things that
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: we perceive is dangerous, things that we perceive are going
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: to create hurt, pain, discomfort, things that are actually going
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: to make us like physically in danger. And so coming
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: into why it essentially has a bad rap is because
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: you know, you see the shadow expression of ego, which
• 6:35
  Speaker 4: is essentially like you know, somebody who's really confident, who's
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: being arrogant? Right, But what's underneath the arrogance, because it
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: is ego, it's a protective layer. So even if that
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: person is coming off as like, oh, I'm being so confident,
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  Speaker 4: arrogant and you know this and that about me, it's
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: actually a cover and a veil for the deeper insecurity
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: and like the young boy or girl who's underneath, who's
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: just dealing with something that was soft and tended, that
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: like was once hurt in the past.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: That's where the compassion comes in because you can see
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: that with a lot of men when they put on
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: this big, like huffy, puffy like front.
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely so.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Confident, like hey, but it's like you can see straight
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: through and you can see that little boy that's just
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: like hey, accept me, yeah, love me, love me, like yeah,
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: probably like this, hopefully you will.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah. And here's why people can be blind to it,
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: because you can only see what your ego allows you
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  Speaker 4: to see based on what you identify with, which comes
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  Speaker 4: back to the exercise that we did in the beginning.
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  Speaker 4: You might identify with as kind, you might identify with
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  Speaker 4: as successful, right, but you might not identify with the daggers,
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  Speaker 4: and you might not identify with being particular, right, And
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  Speaker 4: so we will only allow ourselves to see what we
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  Speaker 4: identify with because we believe that that's who we are.
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  Speaker 4: But then anything else we don't identify with, we don't
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  Speaker 4: believe that that's us. We kind of park it, right,
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  Speaker 4: So ego protects us to uphold this image that we
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  Speaker 4: have of ourselves that we go, Okay, I'm going to
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  Speaker 4: present myself to the world with everything that I identify with,
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  Speaker 4: and everything else that I don't gets left behind. Does
• 8:00
  Speaker 4: that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, But
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  Speaker 4: it's still a part of us, right, And so how
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: this would like manifest And this was a story that
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: I was going to tell you guys. I went out
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: to dinner with one of my girlfriends once and I
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: was out with her and her two kids. And this
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: was the point where I was still moving through like
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: basically like dropping my ego and coming more into vulnerability.
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: And you know, I was going to dinner with her
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  Speaker 4: and I was, you know, sitting there and I like
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: flicking my hair and perfectly fixing it and like making
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: sure that my makeup was perfect. That we had a
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: conversation a week later and she was like, Tiana, you
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: weren't even there. You weren't even with me, Like, you
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: weren't present. We were with the kids, like and you
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: were just like too busy looking around seeing who was there,
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  Speaker 4: you know. And that in itself is just the visual
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  Speaker 4: representation of me identifying and my ego protecting me, showing
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: the world of like, this is me, I am perfect,
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: which is what I identified with. I was like, I
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: need to be perfect and present myself as perfect so
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: that people will see me that way because of the
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: deep wound that was underneath of the girl who felt unworthy.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Wow. Wow, is that a pivotal moment for you?
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: Such a pivotal moment. It honestly like.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Activated when she's ohso.
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: Activated by My ego came up in that moment because
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: I was like, well, I wanted to get defensive, right.
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: Anytime that you're defensive is when your ego is being triggered.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: You could have heard, I'm not a good friend. You
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: think I wasn't there.
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: You think that I'm conceded. Do you think that our kids?
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: You think I'm materialistic, you think that I'm superficial. All
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: these things were running through my mind and I had
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: to sit with the discomfort that was coming up within
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: me and going, you know what, she's fucking right. She's
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: fucking right. And it was honestly such a pivotal moment
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: for me to be like, Okay, this is not the
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: version of myself that I want to be. What am
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: I not seeing within myself? And it was like that
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: moment of like, Okay, my ego is showing that I'm
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: presenting myself as perfect, but I'm actually not perfect. I
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: don't have to behave that way, but I'm doing my
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: fucking damnedest to present myself as perfect because I'm so
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: terrified of all happened if I'm not.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Wow, there's so many light bulbs for people listening to this,
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: And that's hard life to live trying to be perfect,
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: isn't It.
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: Must be exault. It's so exhausting because you just like
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: what I was doing in the restaurant was not connecting
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: with the people that I love, no vulnerability whatsoever. There
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: were kids there who I was like a second mom
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: to that I wasn't even present with, you know, And
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: I was looking around to see who was there, who
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: I could connect with, who important might be in the room.
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: I was leading a life that was entirely like disingenuine
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: from who I actually am as a person.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's the power in vulnerability, isn't it. I think
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: it's such a superpower and it's something I don't know how,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: but I adopted very early with social media because back
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: when I was on Instagram, Facebook was the first thing.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: No one was doing videos, and Steve always really pushed
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: me to be on camera. I hated it first because
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: I was like, not pretty enough, have to win makeup,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Like I fuck up, I can't do this. I'm too dumb.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: No one will to see what I'm saying. I'm not
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: qualified like all these things. And he pushed and pushed.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I would have full tantrums cry, we're can have massive
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: flights about it. Thank God he pushed me because he
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: could see he believed in me deep down. I love
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: the camera, yeah, but I just didn't want to. But
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: I always was very good at being my authentic self.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: And I think that's how I've lasted so long on
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: social media, because it'd be so exhausting not being yourself.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: But I've shared all my ups and downs through like
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: bad skinned like troubles and friendships to like whatever it
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: is or always spoken about it. And that's such a
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: cool story you've told because it just shows the power
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: in vulnerability. It's so bad disconnecting it is if you're
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: not being your true self. Yeah, and you're letting your
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: ego kind of be the author of your story. How
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: do you feel?
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: Because I feel like I feel this when I've got
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: a personal situation going on that I don't want to
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: talk about or share online. But then you still have
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: to show up for other things. I feel like that
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: feeling you feel like you have to show up, say,
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: if I've got a job or if I've got something on, Like,
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: do you have those moments? Because I know I do.
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: Say if there's like something superperson it's not even my story,
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: it's like my friends or someone is going through something.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: Sometimes I'll jump on and be like, oh this is happening.
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: Then also I'm like, I don't want to like, I don't.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Know, I don't know. I kind of so what you're saying.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: I think if I've got a job booked and that's
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: my job, yes, I just do the job.
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: Yes, But I do feel in that moment, genuine feeling,
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: genuine when I show up and I've got shit going
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: up because I feel like when I show up each day,
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: I try to really say how I'm feeling or you know.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: I think you're really good at and I think we've
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: both got better at this now. It's like you'll pre
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: frame it and you'll let them know the morning of.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: And it's so true that they know. They're like, yeas
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: if you're.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Feeling shit, I feel like you communicate Hey, guys, I'm
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: not feeling it today. I've got stuff going on. I'm
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: in a lower mood, so I'm going to do X
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: y Z try and make myself feel better. And then
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I think you communicate that well. So
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: then when you go to do your job, maybe it's
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: just me who feels that.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: Maybe it's just me who feels like pressure repect because
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: I'm not in a high goodbye mood. That's when I
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: like to go on and do stuff.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Sometimes sometimes we want to go internal when we're going
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: through something hard, and that is that is a harder
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: part about being online and sharing your life like you do,
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: a difficult part of it.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: But there's definitely moments over the years where I feel
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: like I've kind of felt a bit in genuine.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Yes, so I feel that I'm sure like that too.
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: I'm curious with that part of like because you mentioned
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: like needing to be I'm not in my high vibe self.
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: Could that even be like an identity that you perceive
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: yourself to have to be.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: I loved and accept it.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: I feel like no, I feel like I have a
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: job to do, so I feel like if someone's paying
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: me to do something and you're going to sell, hey, guys,
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: I think it's more so me feeling like I'm not
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: doing a good job if I'm not in a high vibe.
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: I think, yeah, that makes feeling like incongruent, like being
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: like almost out of integrity, where you like, I just
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: want to show up for this role and make sure
• 13:51
  Speaker 4: that we love it.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: There's also been times over the years where I've contacted
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: my manager and said I can't do this job today,
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: like can you put off to next week?
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: And a lot of people like to that they have
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: to go to work. They've had a huge fight with
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: their husband last night.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: They would work customer cares, nurse, they have to like
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: show up other people.
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: And I think as well, like sometimes it's a mask
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: and then sometimes it's just compartmentalizing. You would do that,
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: both of you would do that as parents, right because
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: you know, like when you're going through something emotional, you
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: don't have the capacity right now where your child is
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: screaming to be able to process your emotions, so you
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: want to compartmentalize that. So I'm like, I'm curious if
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: it's like maybe you know, when it feels in genuine
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: it's a mask. But then it's like, sometimes you just
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: have to compartmentalize, you know so much. Yeah, you've got
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: to do what you've got to do, Like what you said,
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: like it's a job, you're getting paid for it. Sometimes
• 14:38
  Speaker 4: you just have to show up. That's also okay too, definitely.
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: And then it's about like Okay, if I'm going through
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: something now and I feel like I need to put
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: on a quotations temporary mask, it's like, okay, how can
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: I compartmentalize this now and then go, Okay, whatever it
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: is that I need to deal with later, I'm going
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: to deal with it later, you know, as opposed to
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: like let me dissociate, let me distract, let me avoid
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: all of the things that I was trying to push down,
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: and then like look at those things.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: But as your friend that knows most things it goes
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: on with your life. I think you're very very authentic,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: and then when you're going through something, I feel like
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: you communicate that so well with everyone.
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: Thank you. I think it's beautiful as well. Like what
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: you just said about being authentic online is like there's
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: a level of vulnerability that I feel is like people
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: have to be deserving of that level of vulnerability. Like
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: I know you both are very open and honest as well,
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: but if there are times that you don't want to
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: share something, it's like you also don't have to.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: I'm going through that right now with the situation so
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: to Actually we're driving up here and I said, I
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: just don't want anyone's input about this right now, and
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: I just don't want to share about it. I said
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: I might in like four or five months, but I
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: said right now.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Because you also have experience of energy exchange when all
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: the advice comes in, yes, I just don't surgery. I
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: just turned off my story replies, so yeah, I've experienced.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Now people are like, oh, asking me questions about or
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: like my uncle died, my nan died. I can't take
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: all this about to go into surgery. Having those boundaries,
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: but yeah, you definitely don't have to share, or you
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: can share when you're ready. Yeah.
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: I think that's a beautiful part, isn't it, Because it's
• 15:58
  Speaker 4: like it's your journey. You get to share what you
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: do feel comfortable with and what you don't feel comfortable with,
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: and then you know, if there are lessons that you
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: want to take from it that you want to share later,
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: you can. And then you also don't have to as well.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: And you know, this is probably a little bit of
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: an ego thing in a way because people have probably
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: shamed you in the past and like, oh, you seem
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: like you're not genuine. It's probably comments that I've gotten
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, am I being genuine enough?
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Why are you complaining about that? You've got a great
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: husband and you've got Yeah, you've got that. You shouldn't
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: be So.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: This is just me having a little light more moments
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: that love that is, you know, the output. I mean,
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: it is hard being online. You've obviously constantly got people
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: judging YEA. Yeah, I think that's so interesting as well.
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: You're always going to get that, like there's always going
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: to be like that small percentage of people, you know,
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: all of the comments ninety eight because that of them
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: could be good, and then the two are like daggers and.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: You just like three the crazy karens Nancy yeah, and.
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: The'ther one's telling you that you're in genuine, but you're
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: not like so genuine. When I watch your videos, I'm
• 16:49
  Speaker 4: just like, I'm like, I feel like I know you
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: on a deeper level than what I actually do. There's
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: that social media thing, you know, it's so beautiful as well.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: If you're showing up, you're being super genuine. People like, oh,
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: you're over sharing. Do you really need to talk about that?
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: Like stop sooking blah blah, And then you hold back,
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: you know, share enough, and they're like, don't feel connected
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: to you.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: If you got your life online, you try to share
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: it genuine. It's so funny. Oh my gosh.
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: I feel like we've put more of an understanding now
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: around our ego and how it's there to protect us
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: and where it comes from. Is there any positives to
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: having a big ego? That's a word that's thrown around
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: a lot. Hear people say, oh, it's just got such
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: a big ego.
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: Here's the thing, Like, I think ego is neither good
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: nor bad, Like it depends like the context, Like having
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: a big ego, Like I feel like that is not
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: necessarily a good thing if you're blind to it. Like
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: having an ego is not a bad thing, right, because
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: it makes you competitive. It makes you push for things
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: that you didn't think that you were capable of doing.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: It serves a purpose.
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: So it's like, if you didn't have that sense of ego,
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: you wouldn't believe that you could do something that you've
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: never done before. You wouldn't believe that you were capable
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: of trying something that you know only three people have
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: ever done in the world. Right, it's like that's the
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: competitive edge. Ego is good because it helps you drive, push,
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: become better, make you want to do more in personal development,
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: you know. So it's like it has this negative rap,
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: but only because people see the arrogant aspect of what
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: ego presents, which is insecure already anyway, you know, it
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: serves a purpose when it needs to. And then also
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: even when it is quotations more negative or whatever, it
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: is also serving a purpose because it's protecting you from something.
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: The only time that it's unproductive is when you are
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: blind to your ego. When you are unaware of how
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: it's actually playing out, because it can be detrimental. You
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: might present yourself as like really like, let's say, for
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: an example, somebody who's really kind, really genuine, really caring.
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: But then you have three people who come to you
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: who are really close to you, you'll be like, dude,
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: you're really passive, aggressive, you're really like not nice sometimes,
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: you know. And that was something that I experienced. And
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: so that's how ego can keep you blind, and it
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: can be unproductive because it's keeping you blind from yourself
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: and taking accountability for the things that you need to
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: take accountability for.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: It's cool to be aware of your own ego, though,
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: because I'll find myself now saying like, oh, that's a
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: nice stroke in the ego. Yeah. Other times I'm like, oh,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: I don't really hit my ego.
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah like that, yeah, But like being aware of it.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Not shaming either parts of her.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: It's just neutral to give my ego another name once
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: name you don't like or don't like.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: That's what I got told.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: And then when she shows up like with bad self
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: talk or whatever, like what are you doing that for?
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: You're not good enough?
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: Totally. I like that is that you or yours.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: Sexy dance name.
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Tatiana is my alter ego. So she's like my
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: shadow self. Yeah, so she's the one who's like naughty, yeah, seductress,
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: all the deceitful liar, you know, all those parts of
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: myself that like, you know, people shame and judge. It's
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: like that's the part of me that's like, Yeah.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: What are some ego traits that you see really stand out?
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: The people at home might listen be like, oh, that's me,
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: Like what are some different ones we can kind of
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: go through that comment.
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the arrogant side of confidence. Could be one
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: where it's like, you know, somebody compliments Yeah, I know,
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: it's not certainty. It comes from a place of likeliness, cockiness. Yeahs,
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: my shit doesn't stink like I you know, like it's
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: a terrible saying, but the first thing that came to mind,
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: So like, yeah, that side of things. I would say
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: the best wait for everyone to discern kind of whether
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: this is going to ping for them or not is
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: more so to pay attention to the things that they
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: automatically reject. So things that they automatically reject. So let's
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: say you we're in a conversation and somebody's like, you
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: know or x y Z person cheated and dah da dah,
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: and then they're automatically like, I would never fucking do that.
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: It's those moments in conversations like that where you're automatically
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: rejecting things is where your ego is actually being triggered
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: in the moment to go, hey there's something underneath here.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: So true.
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's kind of like, yeah, when you are
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: triggered then essentially yeah, yeah, when it feels like that
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: bruised sense of vego your arises every time you're triggered. Yeah,
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: so true.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So it's always good to wait to react.
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: True, right, because it's your ego response.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: And when your ego response is like say, it's with
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: your curd on me or Steve. When we react and
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: say something because the dag is right, you don't feel good,
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: like you're like.
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: I wanted to say mean, because it's coming from your
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: wounded self, right, It's coming from like the wounded part
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: of you that feels the need to protect and defend yourself,
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: as opposed to like, you know, the conscious part of
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: you who wants to respond in like a respectful way
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: or whatever else you know, And so like that ego
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: then comes up when you are triggered. It's like that veil,
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: that self protective mechanism, like I need to protect myself
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: in this moment, and it.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: Doesn't matter what comes Yeah yeah.
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, passive aggressiveness, reactivity, and any sense of the word
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: of like someone who is like cocky, arrogant, they think.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: They're above other people. Yeah, yeah, it's not nice to
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: be around.
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: No. The best way that I could describe it is
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: almost like this superior energy. Yeah you know what I mean.
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: So it's like this superior energy of like I am
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: superior than everybody else, and everybody else is inferior. But
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: ego is actually the opposite. So like oftentimes when you
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: are in your ego, you're presenting yourself as superior, but
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: oftentimes you are actually feeling inferior. So you have the
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: need to go, I need to one up you, to
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: feel superior because I'm actually trying to cover the fact
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: that I feel inferior in this environment. That makes sense,
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: That makes so much sense. Yes, yeah, it's called inferior
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: superior complex.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: Oh that's so interesting my mind just like thinking.
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so say, for an example, how that might show up.
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: How did that show for me? There was a friendship
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: dynamic that I had, and I remember I just constantly
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: compared myself to her and just wasn't healthy. I automatically
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: fell into like this competition energy with her because I
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: used to do that with my sisters growing up. I
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: have three older sisters, And yeah, it played out with her.
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: It would be like she would like celebrate something and
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: then I have to add something on top to be like,
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: oh what about me in this? And did that right?
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: And so that's the inferiority coming through, being like I
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: need to one up you in order to feel superior
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: because right now this situation and dynamic is making me
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: feel insecure.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, so much sense. Yeah so interesting.
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: So you do this work with clients as well? Yeah yeah,
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: yeah so cool.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: Do they find it quite confronting?
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: I've attracted really beautiful human beings who were just so driven,
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: ready and willing to look at these things, and they
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: just like are so mind blown, like the way that
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: I was when I first did this work, where you know,
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: you just can't comprehend. Almost at first you're like, oh
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: my god, this is a whole other world. But It's
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: so freeing as well, because when you can understand where
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: everything kind of comes from and the way that it's
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: playing out in your life, you can then go wow, actually,
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: I take back that sense of power and control of
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: my life and go, well, I'm no longer like victim
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: to these things anymore. And you're always identifying new things.
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: Hey, there's always new things popular you think you've done
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: something like oh what about this?
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, honestly Pandora's box.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I used to get really triggered around
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: people that had a big ego. Yeah, I don't go
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: as deep. Well I will now as he was having
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: compassion for like the little boy little girl that needs
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: to be seen, but I more just was like, hmm, interesting,
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: I can see straight through this is a your authentic self,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: but I don't like being around it. I think that's
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: my work now, is to have more compassion, underst standing
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: and just see where they're at and still love on
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: them for being there.
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: Do you think that that's what it was? Do you
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: think it was that you could tell that they were
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: being inauthentic, that was like, oh, I don't want to
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: be around that.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: I don't feel safe around it. If people are not
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: being authentic and can't be truthful. I don't feel safe.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, yeah, yeah, but I think I need
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: to work on my compassion for like that little girl
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: a little boy inside of them that just wants to
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: be seen.
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's compassion work for me.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: I think around ego because it was all negative to
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: me ego, but now these conversations helped me have a
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: deeper understanding to where it comes from, why it's there,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: but it's actually trying to protect us.
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: And also as well, like when there is ego, there
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: is no vulnerability, and where there is vulnerability, there is
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: no ego.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Sorry, true, that's perfectly said, right.
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: So that's why it doesn't feel safe because when the
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: ego is present, they're not being vulnerable. They're not letting
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: you in. They're going, I'm going to meet you here
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: at this wall, and I'm not going to let you
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: know a company closer. On the opposite end of that,
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: when somebody is vulnerable with you, there's no grounds and
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: room for ego exist connected. And so yeah, you.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Can feel it straight up about you guys. The moment
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: I meet someone, I feel I don't know if it's
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: a women's intuition or just like ego radar, I just
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: can feel it. Within a couple of minutes, I will
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: know if I'm safe and if they're not their authentic self.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: It's almost like I put my shield up to and
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: then I'm like, yeah, not my true self.
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: You know it's not safe, and you're like, ooh, I'm.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: Not gonna do the bare minimum, and then see so
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: many cool things to be aware of. Yeah, I feel
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: like there's so much more we could talk about.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: I know, yeah, we will.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I would love that.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: Love that let me just write them down. I feel
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: like both these topics I've spoken about so many women
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: struggle with always really interesting maye. People don't know much
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: information about how do.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: We learn about this? Like, no, you don't learn about
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: this in school. My parents didn't know anything about this.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I love that, Like that's what you're tired of yourself
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: as like self worth, because that's the stem of most
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: of our insecurities and issues and patterns and everything. So
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: we always go back to that.
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: I truly believe that too as well, Like I have
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: this conversation often with my clients where I'm like, every
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: single decision that you make is rooted from your self.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: Worthy so true.
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: It's grounded in your self worth.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: If you choose as a partner what kind of work.
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: You do exactly. And like the beautiful thing as well
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: about self worth is that like self worth is a continuum, right,
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: So it's not like do you have self worth or
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: do you not? It's how much self worth do you have?
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: And so true, constant evolution every single time that you
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: look at this work and you look at yourself and
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: you grow that sense of like that strong sense of self.
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: You continuously increasingly get better with time and it's never
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: ending change.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, reflect on yourself like five years ago, even a
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: year ago, and order changed so much. So cool. So
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: if anyone wants to connect with you, maybe they want
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: to work with you, do your free self love audit
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: or just send your DM to connect. Where can they
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: find you?
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: Tiana Mandalo on Instagram and TikTok and you spell it
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: like t I j A n A b U n
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: d A l O.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: We'll leave all of your details in our show notes too,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: so you guys and click straight to it. But thank
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: you so much for being you. Make sure you subscribe
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: to our podcast. It really helps leave a review and
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: also give and I out for our Friday Bonus episode,
• 27:06
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• 27:09
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• 27:11
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• 27:15
  Speaker 3: Perfect for like getting ready in the morning.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, quick car right to the grocery store. Love you guys,
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you. We'll see you next week. See then Bye.