Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Are You Stuck in the Victim Vortex? Here’s Our Escape Plan!” 😥🫨📝🚀🙅🏻‍♀️

Transcript

Are You Stuck in the Victim Vortex? Here’s Our Escape Plan!” 😥🫨📝🚀🙅🏻‍♀️ · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
0:13
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
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Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
0:17
Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
0:20
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
0:23
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh and cry and talk about the topics
0:25
Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
0:28
Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self.
0:30
Speaker 1: I'm always excited to be in your ears, whether you're
0:32
Speaker 1: on your way to work, or you're going from our
0:35
Speaker 1: Stanley Walk, or maybe you're cooking dinner and you're just
0:38
Speaker 1: wanting to be in our company. We're bringing you today
0:40
Speaker 1: an episode about victim mentality. This is something we've been
0:44
Speaker 1: asked quite a bit in our DMS and something we
0:45
Speaker 1: love talking about. Something Tiana works with her clients, and
0:48
Speaker 1: it's something we have definitely both experienced and lived in
0:51
Speaker 1: for a while absolutely and still go there. Sometimes it's
0:54
Speaker 1: not our emotional home to be a victim. We don't
0:56
Speaker 1: stay there, we don't stay there. We move out of
0:58
Speaker 1: there pretty quick. Yes, because it does not serve us
1:01
Speaker 1: being a victim, It just disempowers us. So that's what
1:03
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about today.
1:04
Speaker 2: It feels super restrict.
1:05
Speaker 1: Also, no one likes being there.
1:06
Speaker 3: It's not a good time.
1:07
Speaker 1: No, you can't grow, you can't enjoy life when you're
1:11
Speaker 1: in victim mentality and you lose all of your power
1:13
Speaker 1: because you decide that there's nothing you can do about it.
1:16
Speaker 1: But there always is a new perspective and a new
1:19
Speaker 1: way to switch lanes. So got to go there today,
1:21
Speaker 1: switch lanes. Yeah, I'm going to talk about times in
1:24
Speaker 1: our lives that we have felt victimized and like there
1:27
Speaker 1: was no way out.
1:29
Speaker 2: There was a time in my life where I was
1:31
Speaker 2: surrounded by a whole new community of really conscious women
1:35
Speaker 2: and a community of women who were all in the
1:37
Speaker 2: coaching industry that I'm a part of. And it was
1:40
Speaker 2: probably about two years into my personal development journey, so
1:44
Speaker 2: I was quite fresh, fresh on the scene, fresh, surrounded
1:47
Speaker 2: by women who were doing big things, really incredible things.
1:52
Speaker 3: I remember going into the biggest ego death of my life.
1:55
Speaker 3: It was so intense.
1:56
Speaker 2: I was surrounded by all these women who were doing
1:59
Speaker 2: incredible things, being successful, making ridiculous amounts of money, and
2:03
Speaker 2: here was little old me in five thousand dollars a
2:06
Speaker 2: month in my business, being like Hi, I'm yeah, And
2:10
Speaker 2: I was surrounded by women who are making like five
2:11
Speaker 2: hundred k mouth and it was really a hard time
2:15
Speaker 2: because I remember having this ego death and doing my
2:17
Speaker 2: personal development journey, discovering things about myself, learning new parts
2:22
Speaker 2: of myself, seeing shadow aspects of myself. It was really unraveling.
2:27
Speaker 2: It was unraveling, and I just remember feeling like the
2:31
Speaker 2: biggest victim because I couldn't, for the life of me,
2:35
Speaker 2: figure out this missing secret ingredient that all of these
2:39
Speaker 2: women had come across, right, And I was stuck at
2:43
Speaker 2: five k months for like a year, Like that's obviously
2:46
Speaker 2: a blessing. I'm grateful to be able to have you pairing.
2:49
Speaker 2: I had that experience, but I was so stuck in
2:51
Speaker 2: comparison that I couldn't see a way out. I couldn't
2:54
Speaker 2: see what to do, and I just felt so victimized
2:56
Speaker 2: because I had that story and that narrative of everyone
3:00
Speaker 2: has it easier than me, and everyone knows something that
3:03
Speaker 2: I don't know telling me, they're.
3:07
Speaker 1: Hiding it from me.
3:08
Speaker 2: It's like everyone is keeping it from me.
3:10
Speaker 3: Why is no one telling me?
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Speaker 2: There's his secret that everyone knows that I don't know?
3:15
Speaker 2: And everyone's getting there much faster than I am, and
3:18
Speaker 2: I couldn't sit with that feeling. And so through this
3:21
Speaker 2: ego death and this discomfort and this lack of responsibility
3:25
Speaker 2: that I was taking at that time.
3:27
Speaker 3: I was stuck in this victim of vortex.
3:30
Speaker 1: Victim vortex.
3:31
Speaker 3: Wow, that's a clot That's exactly how it felt.
3:33
Speaker 2: It was this victim vortex of every single day I
3:37
Speaker 2: was being triggered with people succeeding and doing bigger things
3:41
Speaker 2: and making big, bold action that I wasn't taking, and
3:44
Speaker 2: then wondering why it wasn't happening for me. And it
3:47
Speaker 2: was such a trigger of feeling like, oh, I can't
3:50
Speaker 2: do this, I'm never going to be capable, They're going
3:52
Speaker 2: to succeed, I'm going to get left behind, and all
3:54
Speaker 2: of these call wounds that were coming up for me,
3:57
Speaker 2: and I was just sucked into this victim vortex.
3:59
Speaker 3: And I stayed there for like.
4:01
Speaker 2: Eight or nine months. It was really not a pleasant time.
4:05
Speaker 1: So how do you get yourself out of it?
4:07
Speaker 2: I took radical responsibility and it was the most uncomfortable feeling.
4:13
Speaker 1: But the best thing you could have done for yourself.
4:15
Speaker 2: It was the best thing I ever did, and All
4:17
Speaker 2: the took was me shifting from really being able to
4:21
Speaker 2: sit with that discomfort of being a victim and feeling
4:23
Speaker 2: victimized by my life and by my circumstances, and realizing
4:27
Speaker 2: that there's not someone puppeteering my life saying great to
4:32
Speaker 2: put it, You're not going to do this, and everyone
4:34
Speaker 2: else around you is going to succeed. It wasn't that,
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Speaker 2: it was hey, you're actually okay, You're in control, you
4:40
Speaker 2: have more power than you think that you do, and
4:44
Speaker 2: you need to take responsibility for the action that you're
4:46
Speaker 2: not taking right now. I had to sit in that
4:49
Speaker 2: feeling for a couple of weeks. I was like, oh yeah,
4:52
Speaker 2: just like really let myself feel it and own it.
4:55
Speaker 2: And when I did, I realized that I had been
4:57
Speaker 2: projecting onto these people the whole time and disempowering myself
5:02
Speaker 2: in the process of going, Well, if you to just
5:05
Speaker 2: look at the action that you needed to take and
5:07
Speaker 2: observe these people and break down what it is that
5:10
Speaker 2: they're doing, break down their actions, what are they doing
5:13
Speaker 2: day to day, what are their habits, what are their
5:15
Speaker 2: daily choices, what are their goals, what are they actually
5:19
Speaker 2: working towards? What do I want and then breaking that
5:22
Speaker 2: down for myself. So all I need to do is
5:25
Speaker 2: to just implement what it is that they're doing if
5:28
Speaker 2: I want the outcome that they want. And it just
5:30
Speaker 2: allowed me to just completely change the narrative that I
5:33
Speaker 2: was telling myself and re empower myself.
5:37
Speaker 1: Oh that's cool. Yeah, and that one time you did that,
5:41
Speaker 1: that would give you that evidence and that skill set
5:43
Speaker 1: to be able to do it again and again if
5:44
Speaker 1: for ever resurfaced. Yeah, anytime that comes up that you're
5:47
Speaker 1: not capable, They've got it easy or why can they
5:49
Speaker 1: do it and I can't, It's like, oh, hang on
5:51
Speaker 1: a second, I've been through this before. What did I
5:53
Speaker 1: get myself out of it? X, Y, and Z steps.
5:55
Speaker 2: That was the most intense that it had come up
5:57
Speaker 2: in terms of success and money. Once I had processed
6:00
Speaker 2: that and I let myself feel all of that, sat
6:03
Speaker 2: with the discomfort, owned my heart, owned my projections, and
6:07
Speaker 2: where I needed to actually show up every time after that,
6:10
Speaker 2: like what you just said, it got easy to deal
6:12
Speaker 2: with it.
6:12
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, like, it's that thing again that
6:14
Speaker 3: came up.
6:15
Speaker 2: It's just this mentality is keeping me here because I'm
6:18
Speaker 2: fueling the thoughts by not taking action. But the moment
6:21
Speaker 2: that I took one small piece of action, I got
6:24
Speaker 2: reinforced that hey, there are options, Yeah, you have opportunity.
6:28
Speaker 2: There's more things to be curious about here.
6:30
Speaker 3: This isn't it.
6:31
Speaker 1: You're not stuck here.
6:32
Speaker 2: And when I realized I wasn't stuck there, I was like,
6:35
Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm okay.
6:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I can breathe.
6:38
Speaker 3: It's just a story.
6:39
Speaker 1: So cool. Yeah, now you get to help. So many
6:41
Speaker 1: other women do that as well.
6:43
Speaker 2: Yeah.
6:43
Speaker 1: Mine was when I was going through the most intense
6:45
Speaker 1: trolling online, and I just remember thinking and asking a
6:49
Speaker 1: lot of people that were in the online world if
6:51
Speaker 1: they've ever had this happen to them. I had a
6:52
Speaker 1: Facebook hate page about me, I had an Instagram page
6:56
Speaker 1: about hating me, and it was NonStop. It was constant.
6:59
Speaker 1: It was destroying my life, it was destroying my light.
7:02
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be here. I didn't know how
7:04
Speaker 1: to handle it. I didn't know what to do. I
7:06
Speaker 1: felt like I couldn't breathe, and I felt like it
7:08
Speaker 1: was never going to end. And I remember when I
7:11
Speaker 1: linked up with my coaches that were going to help
7:13
Speaker 1: me through this and get me out of a state
7:16
Speaker 1: of being suicidal. I remember saying, no one else has
7:19
Speaker 1: had this heart of than me. I've spoken to so
7:20
Speaker 1: many influences at these massive events. I've never seen anything
7:23
Speaker 1: like it. I've never seen anything like it before. This
7:26
Speaker 1: is huge. Remember saying to me, do you honestly think
7:29
Speaker 1: you're the only one that's experienced this? And I was like, well, yeah,
7:35
Speaker 1: the only one that I've seen. And I can't remember
7:38
Speaker 1: the name of this guy. I have to actually ask him,
7:41
Speaker 1: but they said there was this guy in America who
7:42
Speaker 1: got named the most hated guy in America. Oh wow.
7:46
Speaker 1: And it was millions of tweets, hundreds of pages about him.
7:51
Speaker 1: Means everywhere he was the most hated guy in America.
7:54
Speaker 1: I can't even remember what he did so long ago.
7:57
Speaker 1: But the point of that story is he actually turned
7:59
Speaker 1: it around and ended up being very, very loved because
8:02
Speaker 1: of his story, how we changed, how he took responsibility,
8:05
Speaker 1: what he did with his life after that, and now
8:06
Speaker 1: he's this big motivational speaker and has sold out tours
8:09
Speaker 1: around the country. Yeah. And I remember him telling you
8:12
Speaker 1: that story, and he's like, I'm just telling you this
8:14
Speaker 1: because you will get out of this. We'll make sure
8:16
Speaker 1: that you do. There is light at the end of
8:18
Speaker 1: the tunnel, and you can have a different life. You're
8:21
Speaker 1: just right in the thick of it right now. I'm
8:22
Speaker 1: gonna help you navigate that through. But please don't think
8:25
Speaker 1: for a second that you're special and you're the only
8:27
Speaker 1: person that's experienced this. That was a big hard pill
8:30
Speaker 1: to swallow. But he said it like that. Sure, you're
8:32
Speaker 1: not special. Plenty of people this happens too. You think
8:34
Speaker 1: of all that. Not that I'm a celebrity by any means,
8:37
Speaker 1: but all the big celebrities that have big followings and
8:41
Speaker 1: a lot of eyes on them. You look on any
8:44
Speaker 1: magazine or forum or post about them anywhere, most of
8:48
Speaker 1: the comments is hate. Yeah. They pick on their sale life,
8:51
Speaker 1: They pick on the way they parent, they pick on
8:53
Speaker 1: their hair, they pick on textured skin. For goodness sake,
8:56
Speaker 1: they pick on literally everything about every fucking celebrity. They're
9:00
Speaker 1: too skinny, they're too fat, they're dating too many men,
9:03
Speaker 1: they're going through too many divorces, money hungry, they didn't
9:06
Speaker 1: get this job. They're a value there pit, they're expiring date.
9:10
Speaker 1: There's always something that they're picking on. And unfortunately, when
9:13
Speaker 1: you have eyes on you, people do and it was
9:15
Speaker 1: just cool for him to explain it like that. It
9:17
Speaker 1: kind of did get me out of victim of like, oh, yeah,
9:19
Speaker 1: of course I'm not the only one. This is happening too,
9:21
Speaker 1: And if other people can get out of it, so
9:23
Speaker 1: can I.
9:24
Speaker 3: You know, It's like under a microscope.
9:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I can choose to keep being a victim
9:29
Speaker 1: and not getting out of bed and not showing up
9:31
Speaker 1: and let them win and fold and take myself offline
9:35
Speaker 1: and avoid it all. Or I can choose to keep
9:37
Speaker 1: showing up just as my authentic self. And the more
9:40
Speaker 1: I did that, the less it got. And I got
9:42
Speaker 1: through it, and I'm still here fifteen years later. I
9:45
Speaker 1: still get messages from women just saying it's so cool
9:47
Speaker 1: to see all the stuff that's happened to you and
9:50
Speaker 1: things you've said, you still show up. You're still there
9:52
Speaker 1: six am saying what do guys?
9:54
Speaker 3: Yeah?
9:54
Speaker 1: And it is because this is who I am. I
9:56
Speaker 1: make mistakes, I'm an all human go through lots of
10:00
Speaker 1: different seasons and chapters and growth, and I'm just me,
10:02
Speaker 1: and I'm going to continue to show up as being me,
10:05
Speaker 1: sharing all my lessons along the way, you know, And
10:08
Speaker 1: I will forever do that.
10:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you think if that experience hadn't happened, you
10:12
Speaker 2: wouldn't have overcome your victim mentality.
10:16
Speaker 1: As much as you did. Although I've been a victim
10:19
Speaker 1: for different reasons, that was probably one of the main ones.
10:21
Speaker 1: And then the other one was when I was younger,
10:23
Speaker 1: I was a victim to thinking everyone had it easier
10:25
Speaker 1: because they had a dad, or they had a loving
10:28
Speaker 1: father and a loving family, and they had a parent
10:31
Speaker 1: that would drive them somewhere. They had parents that would
10:32
Speaker 1: give them money, and they had a parent that would
10:34
Speaker 1: help them with their homework. That are parents that they
10:36
Speaker 1: could talk to. And I thought, gosh, how am I
10:38
Speaker 1: if I going to make something of my life and
10:40
Speaker 1: I don't have the support all my friends have, no
10:42
Speaker 1: wonder they're passing all their subjects and they're doing so well,
10:46
Speaker 1: and they're doing all this and they're going to go
10:47
Speaker 1: to UNI and they're going to make the great things
10:49
Speaker 1: of their life. Because if I had that support, I
10:51
Speaker 1: would too. But I didn't have any of that, So
10:53
Speaker 1: I'm never going to make anything of myself. Yeah, so
10:55
Speaker 1: I was a massive victim. Anyone that had, yeah, supported parents,
10:59
Speaker 1: I just thought they were so lucky and it'd be
11:02
Speaker 1: so much easier for them to make something of themselves.
11:05
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, whether you've got supportive
11:06
Speaker 1: family or not, it's still your choice how much hard
11:09
Speaker 1: work you put in. It's still your choice where your
11:11
Speaker 1: energy goes. It's still your choice to have a negative
11:14
Speaker 1: or a positive perspective on whatever's happening. It's still your
11:18
Speaker 1: choice what risks you take. It's still your choice. What
11:21
Speaker 1: kind of partner and friends and influence you have around you.
11:24
Speaker 1: It's still your choice if you invest in partying or
11:27
Speaker 1: you invest in self development. That is all an individual's choice.
11:31
Speaker 1: You get to appoint where you've got to stop blaming
11:33
Speaker 1: your parents. They got you to a certain point, and
11:35
Speaker 1: yes they influenced you that you're going to take response
11:37
Speaker 1: to me for your life. You're an adult now. So
11:39
Speaker 1: it got to a point, and it was after a
11:41
Speaker 1: Tony Robbins course when I learned all about the bullshit
11:43
Speaker 1: stories that we tell ourselves. But it was just like,
11:46
Speaker 1: this is your life, now, what are you going to
11:47
Speaker 1: do with it? No one's going to save you. Your
11:49
Speaker 1: parents are not in control anymore, So you can keep
11:52
Speaker 1: blaming them, or you can take control of your life.
11:56
Speaker 2: So powerful it is the same thing circumstances. It doesn't
11:59
Speaker 2: matter what circumstances that you're in or whatever led you
12:02
Speaker 2: there to be there. It's not really about that.
12:05
Speaker 3: It's about what you choose to do from here on out.
12:08
Speaker 1: Yes, you can choose to.
12:09
Speaker 2: Allow that experience or the circumstances that you're in to
12:12
Speaker 2: dictate what you choose moving forward, or you can use
12:16
Speaker 2: it as the catalyst that's going to be the reason
12:18
Speaker 2: that you down the track. Say, look at what I overcame.
12:21
Speaker 2: You know, if I had allowed the sex tape to
12:24
Speaker 2: dictate how I showed.
12:26
Speaker 3: Up, I wouldn't have an online business.
12:29
Speaker 1: Hid.
12:30
Speaker 2: I would have hid and you know what I wanted to.
12:32
Speaker 2: I definitely felt victimized by that. Actually, similar to what
12:35
Speaker 2: you shared around Oh, no one has it as hard
12:37
Speaker 2: as me.
12:38
Speaker 1: You felt like that in the moment else had a
12:40
Speaker 1: sex tape because I.
12:41
Speaker 2: Knew not yet, I didn't know anyone intimately, or anyone
12:44
Speaker 2: in my circle, or anyone who.
12:46
Speaker 3: Knew anyone no who had been through that.
12:49
Speaker 2: Well, you do you.
12:51
Speaker 3: Feel special in your pain?
12:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you just don't know anybody who's been through it,
12:56
Speaker 2: and a lot of the things that we've all experienced
12:58
Speaker 2: so are common for a lot of people. A lot
13:00
Speaker 2: of people get to experience them too. But in the moment,
13:03
Speaker 2: you feel so victimized by it.
13:05
Speaker 1: And you are victimized, But you don't have to be
13:07
Speaker 1: a victim forever. Yes, you are a victim to your
13:10
Speaker 1: sex tape. I was a victim to online trolley and
13:12
Speaker 1: bullying for sure. Yeah, but it's our choice that we
13:15
Speaker 1: don't stay a victim forever. We don't let it define
13:18
Speaker 1: or rule our future. Yeah, it's a part of our
13:21
Speaker 1: past and a part of our story, but we get
13:22
Speaker 1: to choose what we do with that next.
13:24
Speaker 2: It's almost as if this is something that has happened
13:27
Speaker 2: to us, but we're not letting it impact what we
13:31
Speaker 2: do moving forward.
13:32
Speaker 1: We're saying it happened for us to help us grow
13:35
Speaker 1: to it and be the person want to be. It
13:38
Speaker 1: would have helped heal our victim mentality. It forced us
13:41
Speaker 1: to grow, That's what it did.
13:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, it really tells us that's what it does.
13:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, victim mentality is forcing you to grow, and for
13:47
Speaker 2: as long as you resist it, you'll stay a victim.
13:50
Speaker 1: And a big event like that, it almost is a
13:52
Speaker 1: fast forward button. It propels you forward like the slingshot
13:56
Speaker 1: theory that you say, pulling you back, it stretching you out,
13:59
Speaker 1: feeling so uncomfortable. Then you're a thrown forward and it's like,
14:02
Speaker 1: you got to land on your feet, get back up.
14:04
Speaker 1: I love that con You gotta land. It's the best,
14:06
Speaker 1: isn't it.
14:07
Speaker 2: It's the best anything that you're expencing right now, hardship, pain, discomfort, victimize.
14:12
Speaker 2: What your expense right now is pulling you back for
14:14
Speaker 2: this thing that's going to propel you forward.
14:16
Speaker 1: And if you actually if you visualize the analogy of
14:19
Speaker 1: the sling shot, and it pulls you back and then
14:21
Speaker 1: flings you forward and you land on the ground on
14:23
Speaker 1: your back, and you're like, ah, my leg's hat. Are
14:25
Speaker 1: you going to stay down there going ah my leg's hat?
14:27
Speaker 1: Are you going to find their strength to get back
14:29
Speaker 1: up and walk again and go and get help or
14:32
Speaker 1: do something different? You're going to lay there forever? No. No.
14:35
Speaker 2: With the sex tape specifically, I remember telling myself anything
14:39
Speaker 2: I do in the future moving forward is going to
14:41
Speaker 2: have this shadow or this skeleton that's going to come
14:45
Speaker 2: back and haunt me or bite me in the ass.
14:47
Speaker 2: And I was like, well, I'm just not gonna have
14:49
Speaker 2: to do anything. I just can't build anything now.
14:51
Speaker 1: Yes, because it's never going to work anyway, because that
14:53
Speaker 1: will just come out and destroy.
14:55
Speaker 2: It, and it will destroy it. It will ruin my credibility.
14:57
Speaker 2: People won't take me seriously.
14:58
Speaker 1: Expect me.
14:59
Speaker 3: People won't respect me.
15:00
Speaker 2: Intimate partners won't want to be with me, people won't
15:02
Speaker 2: want to be my friend. Moving forward, all of these
15:05
Speaker 2: stories I could have absolutely ran with and it would
15:08
Speaker 2: have dictated my life. My life would look very different.
15:10
Speaker 2: But it's in those very moments you get to choose.
15:13
Speaker 1: Yes, you get to choose.
15:14
Speaker 2: So cool.
15:15
Speaker 1: We've also said this before and I will keep saying
15:17
Speaker 1: it in plenty more episodes to come. But allow yourself
15:20
Speaker 1: to have a pity party. Yeah, just don't let it
15:22
Speaker 1: become your emotional home. Yeah, that's when you get stuck.
15:25
Speaker 1: So have your little moment. Voice it out if you
15:28
Speaker 1: need to scream atipillo, whatever tool is in your tool brother,
15:30
Speaker 1: that helps you have your moment and then move through it.
15:33
Speaker 2: I like that.
15:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, you need it.
15:35
Speaker 2: It's such a necessary part because if you don't acknowledge
15:38
Speaker 2: that feeling in emotion, you're just suppressed it to come
15:40
Speaker 2: out later.
15:40
Speaker 1: Anyway, it comes out bigger, it just explodes. I remember
15:43
Speaker 1: when Katie Ford first said that. To me, it was
15:46
Speaker 1: just permission to be a victim for a moment, and
15:49
Speaker 1: it's just been such a game changer for me. Yeah,
15:52
Speaker 1: to allow that to be there, you move through it
15:54
Speaker 1: so much quicker, You dissolve so much faster once you're
15:57
Speaker 1: allowed to be there like a kid. Yeah, like ninety seconds.
15:59
Speaker 2: So I'm good.
16:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, so true, and you know it as well.
16:03
Speaker 2: In terms of being a victim or feeling like a victim,
16:06
Speaker 2: it stems from comparison. Stems from you comparing yourself to
16:10
Speaker 2: other people's circumstances and situations, doesn't it, and recognizing that
16:15
Speaker 2: there is some contrast between where they are at and
16:18
Speaker 2: where you were at. And something that has really helped
16:20
Speaker 2: me in terms of when I felt like a victim
16:22
Speaker 2: of something, whether it be something quite deep and impactful
16:26
Speaker 2: hardship wise, or just something that I'm comparing myself to
16:29
Speaker 2: day to day, I say to myself, but as long
16:32
Speaker 2: as I'm comparing, I'm not.
16:33
Speaker 1: Doing Oh wow, that's cool.
16:35
Speaker 2: So if I want an outcome or a circumstance for
16:38
Speaker 2: a situation, what is it that If I'm focusing on
16:41
Speaker 2: comparing I'm not focusing on what I need to be
16:43
Speaker 2: doing to get myself to where I want to go.
16:45
Speaker 1: That's so true. What a good one.
16:47
Speaker 3: It's helped me every.
16:49
Speaker 2: Time, and it almost like sucks me out of the
16:51
Speaker 2: victim mentality and goes, oh, I have option here.
16:54
Speaker 1: As long as i'm comparing, I'm not doing. When i'm comparing,
16:57
Speaker 1: I'm not doing. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, I love that.
17:00
Speaker 1: Another thing I think is very important is too and
17:04
Speaker 1: never to blame all. But I know in my life
17:08
Speaker 1: there's some people that will enable that victim mentality. Oh
17:12
Speaker 1: your poor thing, Oh my gosh, And sometimes I need that.
17:16
Speaker 1: I've got one in particular, and she's just so loyal,
17:20
Speaker 1: loves me fiercely, and if I just need that for
17:22
Speaker 1: a moment, I'll go to her and have event' like, God,
17:24
Speaker 1: that fucking sucks. How dare they? Oh my gosh, I
17:27
Speaker 1: got you back. But then I also have friends that
17:30
Speaker 1: I know when I'm ready to go to and have
17:33
Speaker 1: them help me move through it, They'll challenge me on it,
17:36
Speaker 1: they'll ask the right productive questions, and they'll help me
17:39
Speaker 1: move through it. So just be careful who's around you,
17:41
Speaker 1: because if you've only got people around you that are
17:44
Speaker 1: helping enable that victim mentality and keeping you down there,
17:47
Speaker 1: it's not going to help you get out. Sometimes you
17:49
Speaker 1: have to change your environment and who you're around. Otherwise
17:52
Speaker 1: you're going to keep feeling and pattern repeat, going to
17:55
Speaker 1: keep telling them the same stories, and it's going to
17:56
Speaker 1: keep you stuck in that victim bortex. Yeah, so be
17:59
Speaker 1: very aware of who you're around because it does make
18:01
Speaker 1: big impact. Not to blame them, but yeah, I'm just
18:04
Speaker 1: very aware of what friends I can go to for
18:06
Speaker 1: what for what I need, because.
18:08
Speaker 2: As well, you can play roles with people. Yeah, constantly
18:10
Speaker 2: go to someone and you're the victim and they're the savior.
18:12
Speaker 1: You can see doing a pattern with somebody exactly.
18:15
Speaker 2: It's productive growth. It's being mindful of those things.
18:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, and sometimes too. I know with certain friends, I
18:22
Speaker 1: need to be that person that allows them to brings
18:24
Speaker 1: the victim forward. I like them to have their petty
18:27
Speaker 1: party and then we move through it. But if you
18:29
Speaker 1: straight away go into like say coach Tiana or I
18:32
Speaker 1: do that too. I just like want to fix and
18:33
Speaker 1: want to help let's move through this. I've got the
18:35
Speaker 1: tools bring it in, but they just want to be
18:37
Speaker 1: heard and felt, make sure you're giving them that time
18:40
Speaker 1: as well. There's a time and place to be helping
18:42
Speaker 1: them be productive for sure, or just like holding them
18:45
Speaker 1: in their stuff, you.
18:46
Speaker 2: Know, emotion first, practicality later.
18:49
Speaker 1: Yes, men have had to learn to do that, hold
18:52
Speaker 1: our emotions and not go straight into fixing.
18:54
Speaker 2: Yeah. I definitely used to do the fixing things straight
18:56
Speaker 2: away and me too, Right, cool, what do we do?
18:58
Speaker 3: Let's do this, this, this, and sometimes the.
19:00
Speaker 2: People don't want to hear that automatically. I'm not listening
19:03
Speaker 2: to anything.
19:04
Speaker 1: Ready to change. I want to just sit here for
19:05
Speaker 1: a moment. I want to be a victim for a second.
19:07
Speaker 1: I want to bitch about it. I want to have
19:08
Speaker 1: event Yep, I'm going to give you my meta report
19:10
Speaker 1: of all the things that I'm thinking and feeling.
19:12
Speaker 3: I've meta report.
19:14
Speaker 1: Welcome, definitely, and we love them.
19:19
Speaker 2: Thanks for listening, guys, we really appreciate you coming along
19:21
Speaker 2: on this journey. And if, for whatever reason, you feel
19:24
Speaker 2: at all in any area of your life victimized, bring
19:27
Speaker 2: it into the Facebook forum. Let's open up a thread,
19:30
Speaker 2: open up a conversation, and let's start removing the shame
19:33
Speaker 2: and just allowing you to have a place to come
19:35
Speaker 2: and really pour out your heart. And then also we
19:37
Speaker 2: can go from pouring out your heart into something productive
19:40
Speaker 2: to really help you move out of the state that
19:41
Speaker 2: you're in. So we're open for both the conversation or
19:44
Speaker 2: the women in there are so supportive, So if you
19:46
Speaker 2: want to find us, you can also type in she
19:48
Speaker 2: Rises in Facebook she Riises community and we'll link it
19:52
Speaker 2: below as well in the description.
19:53
Speaker 1: Thanks, We'll see in the next episode. Bye bye,