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Living With Anxiety: An Attentional Practice with Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

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  Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's KLi here for this Speaks Mojo Monday.
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  Speaker 1: So I want to talk about anxiety today and an
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  Speaker 1: approach that you could try when anxiety shows up for you.
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  Speaker 1: Anxiety is one of those human responses to life that
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  Speaker 1: as a whole we are really struggling with, and we
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  Speaker 1: tend to treat it like a problem to solve or
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  Speaker 1: something to eliminate. But the idea that we'll ever get
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  Speaker 1: rid of anxiety is completely deluded. Really, and I've said
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  Speaker 1: this before. The issue isn't the anxiety itself, and that
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  Speaker 1: applies to what we might call normal anxiety and also
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  Speaker 1: to neurotic anxiety. So neurosis isn't It's not a word
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  Speaker 1: that we use much anymore. It used to be used
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  Speaker 1: a lot in psychology. That we don't tend to use
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  Speaker 1: neurosis or neurotic in our day language. But I actually
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  Speaker 1: think it's useful because it differentiates a natural response to
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  Speaker 1: life from a more entrenched or overwhelming one. And right now,
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  Speaker 1: the word anxiety is just one word that we use,
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  Speaker 1: whether it's a normal response or a possible pathological response.
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  Speaker 1: And the psychologist Rollo may had had a very different
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  Speaker 1: way of understanding anxiety so for him, anxiety wasn't something
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  Speaker 1: to get rid of. He saw it as a natural
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  Speaker 1: response to uncertainty or responsibility, and the fact that life
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  Speaker 1: is never fully predictable. In other words, anxiety shows up
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  Speaker 1: when something matters. So think about the time you or
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  Speaker 1: somebody you know felt really anxious to whatever degree, even
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  Speaker 1: if it was just slightly anxious. Was their uncertainty? I
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  Speaker 1: would bet that there was. Was the future predictable almost never?
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  Speaker 1: And was there some level of responsibility involved? There probably was.
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  Speaker 1: Anxiety is it's the physical response paired with the worried thoughts,
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  Speaker 1: and together they create this emotional storm. And how big
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  Speaker 1: that storm becomes depends on a superpower that I want
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  Speaker 1: to talk about today. Because the problem, as I said,
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  Speaker 1: isn't the anxiety itself. The problem is what happens when
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  Speaker 1: our attention gets stuck on it. The more uncomfortable we
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  Speaker 1: feel with the anxiety and the thoughts, the more we ruminate,
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  Speaker 1: and the more we ruminate, the more anxious we feel,
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  Speaker 1: and then a vicious loop forms. And once we're in
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  Speaker 1: that loop, we tend to stay there. And then what
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  Speaker 1: happens is our instinct is to fight our way out
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  Speaker 1: of that loop. So we can tell ourselves to calm down,
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  Speaker 1: or maybe somebody else tells us to calm down, to
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  Speaker 1: get control back, to think better. But the relief from
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  Speaker 1: anxiety doesn't come from battling with it, especially with logic,
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  Speaker 1: especially when you're in the midst of this emotional storm.
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  Speaker 1: And if anything, that just strengthens the loop. The way
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  Speaker 1: out of the loop is through our attention, using our attention.
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  Speaker 1: So Rollo may talked about how anxiety narrows our awareness.
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  Speaker 1: It pulls us away from the richness of the present moment,
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  Speaker 1: and it really collapses our world into a single storyline
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  Speaker 1: about what might happen. And when you're right in the
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  Speaker 1: thick of that, there's a very little point trying to
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  Speaker 1: change that storyline with your mind. That maybe comes later,
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  Speaker 1: but there's a step before that where you need enough
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  Speaker 1: capacity in your brain and you're in your mind to
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  Speaker 1: even do that work. So attentional control gets us out
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  Speaker 1: of the loop. Attention widens the situation. So when we
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  Speaker 1: deliberately tune into what is actually happening right now, we
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  Speaker 1: reconnect with life as it is, not our mind's predictions
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  Speaker 1: of what life might be. And this moment, like you
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  Speaker 1: think about it, this moment has so much in it,
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  Speaker 1: so right now, see if you can turn your attention
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  Speaker 1: to the sounds around you, the textures around you, the movement,
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  Speaker 1: the temperature. And when we bring our attention onto our senses,
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  Speaker 1: something very subtle happens. Anxiety doesn't disappear, but our mind
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  Speaker 1: can't stay fully absorbed in this imagined future while we're
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  Speaker 1: deeply connected to the present. So feeling the warmth of
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  Speaker 1: the mug in your hands as you're sipping your coffee,
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  Speaker 1: or counting your footsteps from one room to another, I
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  Speaker 1: really find that so helpful. If I'm feeling a bit heightened,
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  Speaker 1: noticing the weight of your body in the chair, these
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  Speaker 1: aren't distractions there. It's more engagement in the present moment now.
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  Speaker 1: I once had a client who was having a panic attack,
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  Speaker 1: and what we did is we went outside and I
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  Speaker 1: asked them to notice the distant car noises, and then
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  Speaker 1: the birds and the trees. We went we walked and
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  Speaker 1: touched a rock and felt the texture of the rock.
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  Speaker 1: And then when we went back inside, I asked them
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  Speaker 1: to describe a painting on the wall. And this emotional
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  Speaker 1: storm that they were in started to settle enough to
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  Speaker 1: then go on and then do some breath work or
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  Speaker 1: even doing an activity. Our first instinct is often to
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  Speaker 1: go to the breath or reassurance or talking things through,
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  Speaker 1: and all of that, of course can be really helpful,
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  Speaker 1: but first we need to work with attention. It's about
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  Speaker 1: choosing to place our attention in the world rather than
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  Speaker 1: letting anxiety pull it inwood and forward, because when it
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  Speaker 1: pulls us inward and then forward, the loop titans and
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  Speaker 1: we get stuck roll. I may spoke about courage, not
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  Speaker 1: the absence of anxiety, but the willingness to stay present
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  Speaker 1: and engaged even when anxiety is there, Like how hard
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  Speaker 1: is that? But it is a skill that can be
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  Speaker 1: really effective when you practice it. Very aligned with the
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  Speaker 1: Japanese psychotherapy Marina therapy, which I talk a lot about.
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  Speaker 1: And this is where practice does matter. You know, you
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  Speaker 1: might always have the tendency to get caught up in
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  Speaker 1: this anxious loop. So maybe the goal isn't to get
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  Speaker 1: rid of the anxiety altogether or to try and control
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  Speaker 1: it in that moment. Maybe it is to be able
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  Speaker 1: to live fully with it, using your attention to make
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  Speaker 1: sure that you don't get stuck. We know that anxiety
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  Speaker 1: is like a wave. It goes up and up and
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  Speaker 1: up and up. There's a peak and then it tailors off.
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  Speaker 1: So what if we can still have the capacity to
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  Speaker 1: live fully while we ride that wave and a change
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  Speaker 1: happens by building new habits of attention moment by moment.
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  Speaker 1: So practice attentional control when you're not feeling heightened or
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  Speaker 1: not feeling anxious, so you're more equipped to draw on
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  Speaker 1: it when anxiety shows up. So anxiety can disconnect you
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  Speaker 1: from life. And I think I would have a guess
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  Speaker 1: that most of you, either yourself or know somebody who
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  Speaker 1: has been really disconnected from life because of the power
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  Speaker 1: of anxiety. So by using your attention in an intentional way,
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  Speaker 1: you reconnect with life. Anxiety doesn't lead the way, and
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  Speaker 1: you start to feel more in control. So I hope
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  Speaker 1: that is helpful for you. As I said, practice practice, practice,
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  Speaker 1: even when you're not feeling anxious. That way, it strengthens
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  Speaker 1: that attentional muscle so you can draw on it when
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  Speaker 1: you need it. So thanks for joining me. I will
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  Speaker 1: see you next Monday. Bye bye.