Latest / Libido Lounge / The Surprising Effects on Women and MEN Who Stand By Them in MENOPAUSE! with Zora Benhamou

Transcript

The Surprising Effects on Women and MEN Who Stand By Them in MENOPAUSE! with Zora Benhamou · Libido Lounge

0:00
No one's getting away with menopause.
0:02
If you have ovaries, you'll eventually get there if you're lucky.
0:05
However, the attitudes are different.
0:09
Zora Benemu is a gerontologist and biohacker dedicated challenging menopause stigma and
0:15
ageist stereotypes.
0:18
As a dynamic host of the Hack My Age podcast, she focuses on empowering women navigating the
0:23
menopausal transition through biohacking techniques and information from forward
0:28
thinking experts.
0:30
At 55 years old, Zora embodies the essence of a digital nomad and serves as a passionate
0:35
menopause educator.
0:37
She's the visionary behind hackmyage.com and author of the longevity master plan and
0:43
cookbook, Eating for Longevity.
0:46
She offers invaluable resources and programs for women in peri and post menopause, and her
0:51
commitment to normalizing menopause conversations is evident through her creation
0:55
of her support group and community biohacking menopause.
1:00
Menopause is inevitable.
1:01
Suffering is optional.
1:03
We we don't need to suffer through this, and it can be the best years of your lives.
1:07
Women in different countries experience menopause at different age.
1:11
And so if you're in your forties and you go to the doctor, you say, can't sleep well.
1:16
I I'm I'm getting very moody.
1:18
I'm being a little depressive.
1:20
You're gonna get a sleep medication and you're gonna get an antidepressant.
1:24
Doctors are not trained in menopause and this is why we when you're in your thirties, it is
1:29
really important to be aware of.
1:32
Hi, everybody.
1:33
Welcome back to another episode on the Libido Lounge.
1:37
I am thrilled to bring up a menopause expert, Zora Benemu.
1:43
And we're gonna talk about menopause, but I want to make sure that we include the ladies
1:48
that are in menopause, the ladies that are in their thirties that are, you know, getting
1:53
closer to that stage, and also to consider the men that are listening to this and how you can
2:00
support any women through your life through their lives in this trans transition time.
2:05
So whether you are a woman in that menopause stage, whether you are much earlier in your
2:11
life than that and you want to know things of how to prepare to make this transition easy for
2:17
you, or whether you're a man looking to support the woman in your life through this transition,
2:22
there's definitely stuff for you here.
2:24
So I am thrilled to have you today with us, Zora.
2:27
Thank you for joining.
2:29
Thank you for having me.
2:30
I love being in the libido lounge.
2:32
Love the name of that.
2:33
Great to have you in the lounge for sure.
2:36
And and let's jump right in.
2:38
So let's talk about I'm really interested in in being, like, inclusive here, like I said,
2:43
around, like, thinking about not only women of different ages, men and how they can, you know,
2:48
be supported, but also, I think to to start this conversation, you've traveled around the
2:53
world a lot, and you talk to women in different countries about their menopause experience.
3:00
So can we open with that, and will you just tell us a little bit about what you've learned
3:04
and commonalities, differences, maybe how we work through menopause in different cultures,
3:11
that sort of thing?
3:13
Yes.
3:13
I literally stop women on the street and ask them five questions about menopause.
3:18
And the ones who've opened their mouth, over 300 now, but I've spoken to a lot of women who
3:23
just say, No, I don't want I wanna talk about it but not on camera.
3:27
So I I I've traveled through Asia and on Europe, The US, Canada, and so I I love to just
3:35
ask sizable questions.
3:36
Don't have any say in this.
3:39
It's their story.
3:40
What I'm noticing around the world is that, well, no one's getting away with menopause.
3:46
Some of them say, yes.
3:47
I did get away.
3:49
They're 65.
3:50
I said, well, do you still have a period?
3:53
No.
3:54
Well, I said, then you're in menopause.
3:55
So some people don't even really know what menopause or they have a different translation
3:59
of what menopause is.
4:00
But what I am finding is that the the Asians were much more open to talking to me than I
4:07
expected.
4:08
I thought they'd be a much more closed community, and I'm talking about Thai,
4:11
Vietnamese, Japanese.
4:12
And when I speak to women in Eastern Europe, those are the ones that are much more difficult
4:19
to open up.
4:20
They all go through menopause.
4:22
We all if you have ovaries, you'll eventually get there if you're lucky.
4:27
However, the attitudes are different.
4:30
I find that women of different socioeconomic levels will have a different attitude.
4:36
So the woman who's selling fruit on the street in Vietnam, when I ask her about menopause,
4:40
she's looking at me like, this is not a problem.
4:43
Like, I have gotta go feed my kids.
4:45
Like, there's no like, I don't care.
4:47
And then you have other women who are tend to seem to forget because when you have their
4:54
daughter or their partner there and this woman says, I didn't go through menopause or it was
4:59
nothing easy, They have somebody shaking their head not saying no.
5:05
But what I think, though, is the research does show that that people do have a different
5:09
attitude in in Asia in the sense that even the word menopause may may translate to a blossom
5:18
or a new beginning, or it's not this horrible association that we make with it in in the
5:24
Western world.
5:26
Now when we have but the research does show, and this actually, I've seen this in my
5:31
interviews as well, is that women in different countries experience menopause at different
5:37
ages.
5:37
And when I say experience menopause, I mean they have their menopause birth date, that age
5:42
when you have twelve consecutive months without your period.
5:46
And it's you're just one day event, and you got your birth date.
5:50
So in the Western world, we tend to go around 51 more or less.
5:56
And then in Asia, which have to tend to be a bit younger, anywhere between 46, 48, 49, with
6:03
the exception of of Japan, which women tend to have a little bit later.
6:06
So we do have different experiences in terms of a timeline as well.
6:13
So I do find that the the women who I am interviewing in in the more Asian cultures do
6:22
seem to have a different attitude in the sense that it it and I can't decide if it's a
6:28
socioeconomic thing where they're like, I've got other problems to deal with, or they are
6:34
just have a more positive attitude.
6:36
Like, this is this is gonna end.
6:37
This is gonna be fine.
6:38
We'll we'll get through this.
6:39
More of chill.
6:40
Whereas in the Western cultures, we're like, okay, we're not taking this and we're gonna do
6:44
something about it.
6:47
It's it's find the age, this, like, difference is, like, so interesting that in different
6:51
cultures, there's different ages that women are going through this.
6:54
Are you and I understand kind of the thoughts around, like, oh, the the attitude to it.
6:59
But what about, like like, when you're saying, okay.
7:01
In Asia cultures, it's oftentimes about five years old or younger that women are going
7:07
through menopause.
7:08
Are you like, with your research around longevity and aging and menopause, are you
7:12
coming up with any theories as to what's going on with why that is happening?
7:16
Yeah.
7:16
Well, when we think about well, let's say Asia, for example, we there is a certain genetic
7:21
component.
7:22
So across the board, the research shows that whatever age more or less your mother went
7:28
through, it it's likely to be yours.
7:31
But, and that's the strongest predictor.
7:34
But when it comes to, let's say, India or cultures that have, are just more
7:41
underdeveloped, there may be an issue of that they're they're lower income regions, so they
7:46
they have more stress.
7:48
They their nutrition isn't up there.
7:49
The health care access isn't there as well.
7:52
So that could be one of the problems as well.
7:56
And even your birth weight may have an influence on this.
8:00
So countries where children have low birth rates, then they have a higher odds of an
8:05
earlier menopause compared to those people who have just normal birth weight.
8:09
So could be many different things, but my theory is it's more likely something to do with
8:16
the healthcare system or just that they're not having the access to good nutrition or they
8:22
have other stressors going on.
8:24
Yeah.
8:24
Makes a lot of sense.
8:26
What about the different stages of menopause?
8:28
So I know so many women, at least women that I talk to, oftentimes aren't thinking about
8:34
menopause until maybe when they start missing periods.
8:37
And sometimes even then, they're not thinking about it until they've gone long enough, like
8:41
not always to that twelve month where we can officially say you're in menopause.
8:46
But but oftentimes it's like, okay, many months go by of those, you know, cyclic changes before
8:52
it's even on on women's minds even bring to their doctor.
8:55
And I know, as I know you know, that there's so many things we can do in advance to help this
9:01
transition go easier.
9:03
But in order to do these things, we need to be aware that this transition is, like, even
9:07
happening at different stages of life.
9:09
So can you talk to us a little bit about, like, the different stages of menopause and how women
9:13
are even able recognize, you know, this as well as, you know, their partners helping them
9:19
recognize that this is happening.
9:20
I have to take a break from what we were just talking about because I'm so excited to
9:24
introduce you to a couple of my favorite toys on
9:27
the market.
9:28
Because one of the
9:29
things I really really am passionate about when it comes to sexual health, pleasure, passion is
9:37
not only those things because those are very important but it's also helping you find ways
9:42
to deeply heal.
9:43
And this is why I love the company Mystery Vibes so much because their products I've seen
9:48
to do just that.
9:50
So I'm gonna tell you about a couple of these.
9:51
I have a product for women and a product for men here.
9:54
So this is a female product.
9:56
This is called the Crescendo two.
9:59
You will have links in the show notes.
10:02
You will also get discounts on this.
10:04
If you use the code libido 20, you will get discounts on this product.
10:10
And what's so cool about this product from a pleasure standpoint, and then we're gonna talk
10:14
about a health standpoint, but from a pleasure standpoint, look what I can do with this
10:17
product.
10:18
It is so bendable.
10:20
So it has all of these hinges where you can bend it in all of these different ways.
10:24
And what that's allowing you to do is be very specific around which part of the interior of
10:31
the vagina, g spot, etcetera, that you are going to access and stimulate.
10:36
Now what internal studies have shown on this particular product is that it increases arousal
10:43
about 73% and lubrication up to 93%.
10:48
So that's where I'm talking about, hey, we can get all of this uniqueness of pleasure.
10:52
We can pinpoint those spots.
10:54
We can wake up our vagina in ways that maybe other vibrators can't because you can't get the
10:59
level of maneuverability and flexibility that you can with this toy.
11:03
And all of that, and then you can also see in many people an increase in arousal and
11:08
lubrication for that deep healing component.
11:11
Also, another product that mystery vibe has for women that also has been shown to improve
11:18
arousal as well as lubrication is called the legato.
11:21
I will also put a link in the show notes about that.
11:24
It's a cock ring that that vibrates the entire vulva.
11:28
It's phenomenal, so also look for that.
11:30
Again, the code you're looking for is libido 20 for that discount.
11:35
And now for all the gentlemen watching.
11:37
So this is the Cannuto two.
11:39
So this toy is amazing because it has been researched to improve erections by double.
11:47
So erections go get better, performance gets better, and it can help with prostate health.
11:53
So it's a super easy toy to use.
11:56
It looks a little bit strange when you're looking at it, but all you're gonna do is
12:00
you're gonna just do penile insertion right here.
12:03
This back part will sit back on the perineum, and voila, there you go.
12:07
So again, libido 20 for this.
12:10
If you guys want better erections, if you wanna be harder longer, if you wanna please your
12:15
partner longer, and women, if you want to have a better arousal, better lubrication, and wake
12:21
up those parts of your vagina so that not only are you experiencing more pleasure, more
12:27
passion, better orgasms in many cases, but you are also deeply healing yourself as well.
12:33
So again, those will be in the show notes.
12:36
I hope you take advantage of these discounts and the coupon codes there.
12:40
Libido 20 is your coupon code.
12:43
I will see you all in a moment as we get back to our show.
12:48
Quick word from our sponsors before we continue with the episode.
12:52
Ladies, midlife isn't a crisis.
12:54
It's a power move.
12:55
On the Mature Allure podcast, we're flipping the script on aging, beauty, wellness, and
13:01
everything in between.
13:02
I'm your host, Sherry O, here to keep it real, fun, and fearless.
13:06
Ready to embrace every chapter?
13:08
Hit play on Mature Allure wherever you listen to podcasts.
13:16
Mature.
13:21
That is such a good question, and I do realize that most women, no matter what culture you're
13:27
from, are not aware of these different stages.
13:30
I myself I consider myself an educated person, but I thought when I was in my forties, I
13:35
didn't know there was a word called perimenopause.
13:37
I thought, oh, well, I'll think about menopause after the age of 50 or something.
13:42
And so it's really common.
13:44
So if anybody's listening now going, I don't know.
13:46
What are these stages?
13:47
Don't worry.
13:47
You're not alone.
13:48
So the menopause birth date is what I explained.
13:51
It's a one day event, and that can be different ages from different cultures and different
13:55
people.
13:56
And, again, we this is a broad range.
13:57
Let's say even with the Western culture, I say 51, but it's somewhere 45 to 55.
14:02
Like, that's kind of the normal range.
14:04
And then we have perimenopause, which is the time leading up to menopause, and that's the
14:10
one that's the most disturbing.
14:12
That's the part where your hormones are fluctuating and you're not sure really what's
14:16
going on and you are not thinking about menopause.
14:18
And so if you're in your forties and you go to the doctor, you say, I can't sleep well.
14:24
I I'm I'm getting very moody.
14:26
I'm maybe being a little depressive.
14:28
You're gonna get a sleep medication, and you're gonna get an antidepressant.
14:31
Doctors are not trained in menopause, so they tend to not think about, oh, maybe she's low on
14:37
progesterone.
14:38
Let's go check her out.
14:40
So this is something that to be very aware at the age of 35, more or less, again, this is
14:46
just very general information, the mid thirties, you start to lose progesterone.
14:51
And progesterone is your calming hormone.
14:53
It's the hormone that makes you feel chill and relaxed and helps you sleep and all this.
14:57
So when you start to lose it, that's why you may feel more anxious.
15:00
You may feel having sleep disruption.
15:03
So when that starts to head out, it actually declines pretty quickly.
15:07
We always tend to think of estrogen, which is another sex hormone, as falling off the cliff.
15:12
But, no, that one has fluctuations, goes up and down, and it eventually goes down, but it's not
15:16
as steep as progesterone.
15:18
And this is why we, when you're in your thirties, it is really important to be aware of
15:22
perimenopause.
15:24
And so in general, perimenopause phase happens between five, seven, some people say ten years
15:32
before your menopause birth date.
15:34
So if that 50, then probably 40 is when, you're starting your perimenopause journey.
15:40
But if you're in in Asia, let's say if the average age is 46, well, then it'd be normal at
15:46
36 to actually go through this perimenopause transition.
15:50
But, again, we can have this this this drop of progesterone for many years and and not really
15:59
it may come back.
16:00
It's not like it it goes and it never comes back.
16:02
We get this is the fluctuations that happen.
16:05
And I met some women who have been perimenopause for even longer than that.
16:10
The first thing is to be aware.
16:12
The next thing is then, okay, what do you do about it?
16:15
You can test.
16:16
You can look at your hormones.
16:17
There's many different ways to do it, and a menopause trained doctor will know to do that
16:21
because some doctors poo poo testing.
16:23
They're like, well, it's up one day, down another day, and I don't know.
16:27
I I believe it's it's a good thing.
16:29
It's just information.
16:30
It's data.
16:30
Yes.
16:31
It is one point in time, but we like to look at trends.
16:33
So if you're able to test more regularly, then you could see, oh, woah.
16:36
Woah.
16:37
Every time I'm testing progesterone, it gets lower and lower and lower and never keeps to go
16:40
up.
16:41
Well, yeah, you're probably losing your progesterone, and that gives you a clue.
16:44
Maybe you don't need the antidepressant.
16:46
I don't know.
16:46
Maybe you do.
16:47
So during that's the most important thing is to be aware at your mid thirties.
16:52
It's not unusual.
16:53
And then we have different stages of perimenopause.
16:56
We have the early, the mid, and then the late stage perimenopause.
17:00
So early menopause is, again, you you may notice some sleep disruption.
17:04
Nothing nothing huge.
17:05
Maybe your period is a little off.
17:07
You used to be a 28 girl.
17:09
Now you're 25.
17:10
You're not really sure what's going on.
17:11
But then when we get into the that's the early perimenopause.
17:14
Mid perimenopause would be where you may skip a period once in a while or maybe you start to
17:20
have a hot flash or start to have night not necessarily night sweats, but just kicking off
17:26
the sheets because we may not think that that has something to do with the loss of estrogen,
17:31
but just kicking off the sheets and your partner or whoever's sleeping next to you is
17:35
not hot, but you are, that's a sign maybe you're in the mid perimenopause.
17:40
And then there's the late perimenopause when some of these symptoms start to build up and
17:43
your periods go away for a little bit longer and and there are different stages.
17:47
You can dive deep into it, but just to be aware, there are different stages of
17:51
perimenopause.
17:52
And then there's postmenopause, which is, just after a few years after your menopause birth
17:59
dates, it's called early post menopause, and then everything like that after that is late
18:04
post menopause.
18:05
And I I hope that we do have different terminology for those women who are post
18:10
menopause and not just say, oh, you're post menopause because I personally think that a
18:14
woman in her fifties has a different menopause experience than a woman in her seventies.
18:19
Yeah.
18:19
So really, these are really great points.
18:21
And just to piggyback on what you said, I think there's, like, so much to be said around that
18:26
testing so we see the trends.
18:28
Right?
18:28
I think that is super essential.
18:30
And even to just, like, I just wanna bring up that even these commonalities that you're
18:34
talking about around, like, oh, progesterone typically is what we see often decline first.
18:40
I've been, like, the complete opposite in my menopause journey, so I just wanted to name
18:43
that.
18:44
I'm 45 and my I've been tracking my hormones for about the past ten years.
18:48
Around 40 is when I start to see them change and test them very regularly, multiple times a
18:52
year, different times a month, etcetera, etcetera, and my estrogen was the first thing
18:57
to go, and it wasn't until and so I started on estrogen replacement therapy many years ago.
19:03
My progesterone didn't start changing until about six months ago is when I and that's when
19:07
I added progesterone.
19:08
So I just wanna throw that in because it's like, you know, I know we, like, talk about
19:12
commonalities, and I think that's super important.
19:14
But just to kinda, like, mention for people, like, yeah, the testing's the most important
19:18
because even though there's commonalities, there's always outliers around, you know,
19:22
people like me that, for whatever reason, and my symptoms matched estrogen estrogen
19:27
deficiency, not progesterone deficiency.
19:29
So super interesting there and then just like super important, like you said, to to test for
19:34
sure.
19:35
I love that you said that because it does show one of the biggest myths is that we all kind of
19:41
go through menopause the same thing.
19:42
That's why I said also generally, we we so many women have such a different experience, and
19:48
there's some women who feel nothing.
19:50
And honestly, they do feel they don't feel anything.
19:53
Not that nothing's happening, but they don't feel.
19:55
And but you're absolutely right that it's great that you've tested and you could see because
20:00
there's no point in saying, oh, well, Zoris had progesterone.
20:03
No.
20:04
You're diff you're possibly different.
20:07
Thank you Yeah. For
20:07
For mentioning
20:09
Absolutely.
20:10
Absolutely.
20:10
We just wanna include the the outliers of the generalities as well in these kind of
20:14
conversations.
20:16
So let's talk about the men.
20:18
And then in in episode everybody, remember we always do these in two episodes.
20:21
You'll learn about episode, how to get to episode two in the show notes below this video.
20:25
Episode two, we're gonna talk about what to do about these things, so, make sure you, join for
20:31
getting episode two below the show notes.
20:34
But to wrap this episode up, I wanna make sure we're inclusive of the men too.
20:38
So what have you seen and and people you've worked with?
20:41
Because I know you've worked with so many people in the perimenopause menopause stage in
20:45
their lives.
20:46
Have you seen any commonalities of people that have felt like really supported by male
20:51
partners, and what have male partners done to support their wives, spouses, girlfriends, that
20:56
sort of thing?
20:57
I have seen it for sure.
20:59
It's wonderful when a partner knows what's going on.
21:03
I highly recommend women to bring their partner to the doctor with them if it's a male part
21:09
because she's a female, she probably knows what's going on too.
21:12
But bring your male partners to the to the doctor because sometimes when the doctor
21:15
explains these things so first of all, the the women may not have a clue what's going on
21:19
themselves, but then when you have a doctor to explaining it, it makes things understandable.
21:25
Low libido is one of those common symptoms of menopause, and so you may not understand why am
21:33
I not attracted to my partner anymore.
21:34
And maybe it's hormonal, maybe it's not, but at least trying to go down that rabbit hole and
21:39
seeing if you wanna fix this.
21:41
That's that's one of the things that you could talk to your doctor about.
21:45
But I really think that we the the research does show that women who have a supportive
21:51
network around them have a much better menopause experience.
21:56
So if your partner's gaslighting you or if you're not supporting your partner, it's gonna
22:00
make it worse for her.
22:02
So please try to understand menopause for the the guys who are listening to this.
22:07
Learn about it.
22:08
Read about it.
22:09
Listen to her.
22:10
Understand this is a transition and that you can do so many things to support her, and she
22:15
doesn't need to suffer whatsoever.
22:17
There's solutions.
22:18
Yeah.
22:19
It's great advice because I even see so much gaslighting in the medical community as well.
22:23
Like, you know, every once in while I hear you stories from women in my community where they
22:28
go to talk to their doctor about menopause and their doctor says something like, well, every
22:32
woman goes through it, so you just gotta suck it up.
22:34
Like, literally, verbatim, I've heard that.
22:36
It's like, it's just absolutely insane that that is what women is are being told.
22:41
And so, you know, the more that I think their male partners, if they're in a hetero
22:44
relationship, can work to not gaslight them at home too and help them self advocate, the the
22:50
better.
22:51
Mhmm.
22:52
And and I I hear these stories every single day, and it comes from male doctors and female
22:58
doctors as well, unfortunately.
23:00
So it's it's something, yeah, I need we need to do.
23:03
There's there's one other statistic that was or study that was really interesting that was
23:07
published showing that women who wear the pants in the family tend to have a better menopause
23:12
experience.
23:13
That mean, you're saying.
23:15
Yeah.
23:15
Yeah.
23:15
So
23:16
I wonder if there's just an element of just, like, taking more control of, you know, what's
23:21
the chain, you know, the changes are and maybe maybe the way, like, in that scenario, that
23:26
power kinda scenario, maybe there's an element of just asking for what they need more or in
23:31
that sort of thing.
23:32
Mhmm.
23:32
But that is a very interesting statistic.
23:37
Anything else we have not said in this episode?
23:39
And, we're gonna talk about what to do, biohacking for menopause, longevity, how to
23:43
have a better better menopause experience, etcetera, in our next episode, everybody.
23:47
But is there anything else we haven't said in this episode that you wanna wrap up with, Zora?
23:52
Oh my goodness.
23:52
There's so much.
23:53
I don't even know where where to even start because we've barely scratched the surface
23:58
vitally.
23:59
But I my biggest messages to to the women who are listening to this is that menopause is
24:03
inevitable.
24:04
Suffering is optional.
24:06
We we don't need to suffer through this, and it can be the best years of your lives.
24:10
Honestly, libido can shoot through the roof if you work with the right people like you.
24:16
And for the guys as well, the biggest hack that they can do is educate themselves and
24:22
understand try to understand what she's going through and and give her the biggest support,
24:27
and and you're just gonna cruise through this without a problem.
24:30
I love it.
24:31
I love it.
24:31
And you have a great free quiz for everybody.
24:34
Tell us about your quiz.
24:36
Oh, it's a very simple quiz.
24:37
Not that many questions, but it helps guide you.
24:40
Where are you in this transition, if at all.
24:43
I mean, you could be premenopause and just worried about it, and and you answer the
24:47
questions and it'll spit out.
24:48
You're you're you're not there yet.
24:50
If you're in perimenopause and you're kinda wondering, am I early, late, mid, like, where
24:54
am I in this journey?
24:55
How soon is menopause gonna come?
24:57
Take the quiz, and then if you're post on a pause too.
25:00
And and and after the quiz, obviously, you can we'd give you tips and hints and have it all
25:04
written out for you so that you can improve your symptoms.
25:09
Perfect.
25:09
And then everybody, I'm also gonna I'm gonna put that show notes.
25:12
I'm also going to add a link for a ton of other of Zora's free information.
25:18
She has information on debunking menopause myths, on how to manage menopause stress, on
25:25
how to sleep better in menopause and perimenopause, and so many more freebies.
25:29
So I'm gonna put that link for all of her freebies as well in these show notes as long as
25:34
well as the quiz and as well as the links, of course, to access part two.
25:38
So thank you everybody for being here on another episode of the lounge.
25:42
Thank you, Zora, for time, and we're we'll see you all real soon.
25:48
Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
25:51
Please don't keep me a secret.
25:52
Please share this with your friends.
25:54
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.